Transcript

Tom Mason · CCC West Covina

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We're going to be in Ephesians tonight, Ephesians chapter 5.
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And I thought since it was young family ministry night, we would
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talk about the family. We would talk about what the
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Scriptures have to say to us about family.
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So let's turn to Ephesians chapter 5, and we're going to
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start with verse 15. Therefore, be careful how you
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walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your
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time, because the days are evil. So then, do not be foolish, but
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understand what the will of the Lord is, and do not be drunk of
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wine for that dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,
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speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual
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songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord,
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always giving thanks for all things in the name of the Lord
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Jesus Christ to God, even the Father, and be subject to one
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another in the fear of God. Verse 22 would say, Wives, be
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subject to your own husbands as unto the Lord.
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For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the
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head of the church, he himself being the Savior of the body.
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But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wife ought
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to be subject to their own husbands and everything.
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We will stop by reading right there, and we will move forward
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with our message and then pick up the reading as we get to that
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point. Ephesians.
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These would be the people who lived in Ephesus.
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Paul writes to the Ephesians. He is directing his message to
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the Christians that lived in Ephesus, even though the word
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would have been there long before Christians came.
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Now many commentators would tell you that in many of the earlier
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manuscripts, the words in Ephesus is not there because
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this was more of a circular letter sent out for all the
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Saints of that region, and therefore it does not have the
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words in Ephesus. But they rush to tell you that
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that does not change any of the theological meaning or emphasis
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of this particular passage. So when we look at the
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background and look at that, now we want to look at the letter.
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Please remember it is a letter and not a book.
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So it was not written in chapters and verses, although
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that's what we have today is chapters and verses and it makes
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it easy to do that way. But it was not written that way.
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It was a letter. That being said, chapters 1-2
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and three are instructions to us about who we are in Christ.
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And when you go through these chapters and you read about the
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things that we are in Christ, it gives us an opportunity to
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praise Him and to have blessings, to enjoy the blessing
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that we have, one writer said quote.
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Above all things, this letter is of encouragement and admiration,
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written to remind believers of their immense, immeasurable
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blessing in Christ Jesus. And not only that for those
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blessings, but also live in a manner worthy of them.
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Now that's where chapters 4-5 and six come in, because of who
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we are in Christ. Then 4-5 and six would tell us
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how we ought to conduct ourselves because of who we are
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in Christ. And that's the thing that we
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ought to remember. As Christians we are called to
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conduct ourselves in a particular manner and when we
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see that, then we ought to live in that way.
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And that's why Paul is giving us instructions in this area.
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Now I'd like to move to Ephesians chapter 5 starting
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with verse 15. He says, therefore be careful
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how you walk. The word walk in Scripture
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always mean a manner of life, how it is that you conduct your
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life, how it is that you love. So he says, therefore be careful
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how you live. Remember who you are and be
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careful how you live. He goes on to say not as unwise
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men, but is wise. So when we show up, when we,
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whether it's a job, whether it's the next door neighbor, whether
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it's in the mall, whoever it is, how is it that we conduct
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ourselves not as unwise people, but as wise as Paul instructs
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the Saints here how to live because of who we are, he says
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we are not to live as unwise people.
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Have you ever been around unwise people?
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Have you ever heard them talk? I remember when I was living in
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Monrovia and I heard this guy in the streets one night.
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I was in my house, but he was talking loud and he says my word
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is my bond and I'm thinking this guy is a wino.
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What kind of bond does he have? Or word?
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That would be a foolish person. So you and I are being
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instructed that we are not to live in that way.
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And then he goes on to say in verse 16, he said making the
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most of your time because the days are evil.
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By the way, this was written in around AD 62.
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And if Paul in his day could say, could say his days are
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evil, what do we think we're saying now?
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OK, But he says make the most of your time because the days are
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evil. You and I as Christians must
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make the most of our time. The old King James would say
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redeeming the time when we see this word redeeming, it's used
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four times in the New Testament and it means to buy back twice.
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It is used of what Christ did for us in Galatians chapter 3
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verse 13. Christ redeemed us from the
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curse of the law, having become a curse for us, for it is
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written and curses everyone who hangs on a tree.
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Christ redeemed us. Christ became a curse for us
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that He might bring us to God. How did he do that?
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The scripture already told us Cursed is everyone who hangs on
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a tree, and Christ hung on a tree on your behalf and on my
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behalf, that we then might come to know him.
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Look at Galatians chapter 4 verses 4 to 7.
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He said, But when the fulfilment of time came, God sent his Son,
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born of a woman, born under the law, so that he might redeem
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those who were under the law, that we might receive the
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adoption of sons. Because you are sons, God has
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sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your heart, crying out of
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our Father. Therefore you are no longer a
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slave, but a son. And if a son, then an heir
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through God. Now when he says you're no
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longer a slave, OK, that's not a contradiction.
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He's telling us we're no longer a slave to the law.
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We're no longer under the law. God has redeemed us from that,
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but now we are a Son and therefore we have an inheritance
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through Christ to God, and He has brought this unto us.
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And then in Colossians it is used of us, and it's interesting
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how it is used. Colossians chapter 4, verses 5
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and 6. Conduct yourselves with wisdom
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toward outsiders. Wow.
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Conduct yourself with wisdom toward those who are not
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Christians. Then, he says, making the most
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of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with
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grace as those seasoned with salt, so that you may know how
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you are to respond to each person.
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Now, you and I, whether we work, whether we go to school, we all
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live in a world that has fallen or the world that is evil, as
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the Bible calls it. He says you and I as Christians
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must be careful to know how to conduct ourselves to those who
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are outsiders, those who do not have what we have.
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Why? Because you and I or to present
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God to that person or those people and that's why we are to
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conduct ourselves in a manner that would be worthy of that
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person listening to us. Now, whether you had a ball game
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or whether you at the store, whether you have work, if your
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conduct is in a way that it is contradictory to what you will
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share with the person when you start to share the Scripture,
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that is not what he's talking about.
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He is saying be careful how you conduct yourselves with
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outsiders so that there would be no contradiction.
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When you stop doing whatever it is that you are doing and you
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start to share the Gospel, they will see that there is no
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contradiction. That doesn't mean that it
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guarantees that they're going to listen to you, but at least you
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will have conducted yourself or I will have conducted myself in
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a way that is worthy of God. Now back to Ephesians chapter 5,
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verse 17. He says so then do not be
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foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is and do not
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get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation.
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Now we don't use that word dissipation that much, but it's
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talking about a dissolution way of life or way of living,
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especially when it comes to the opportunity of drinking.
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So he says here, do not be drunk with wine.
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Now, sometimes that's a little draw for us because she was hey,
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I I don't drink. I don't have that problem.
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OK, But do you have a quick temper?
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Do you have something else that's from the world that would
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offend people? That's what he's saying.
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Do not be controlled and directed by whatever that is.
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That would bring dishonor to God.
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If you don't drink, that's a good thing.
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But if you have a high temper, then that's not a good thing.
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So that's what he's pointing out to us here.
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Matter of fact, I've heard people say, you know, I just
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wish I had the opportunity to speak my mind to that person.
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Well, it's probably a good thing that you didn't get to speak
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your mind to that person. OK, So he's telling us here do
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not be drunken wine, but then he gives us the other thing that we
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ought to do but be filled with the Spirit.
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Now this word filled means to be filled to the top where there's
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nothing else that can get in there without it overflowing
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that. That's what he's taught be
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filled with, be all about the Spirit of God, that you are
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controlled and directed by him. He is telling us to let the Word
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of God control us through the Spirit of God, that we then
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might honor Him in everything that we do.
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And then he goes on in verse 19 and says, speaking to one
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another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and
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making malady in your heart to the Lord.
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Note what he says in this verse in your heart.
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You can't control anybody else's heart, but you can't control
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your heart, he says. Do these things and make these
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medalists in your heart. Now, that's pretty easy to do
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when we all sitting in here together.
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We're singing songs together, we're quoting the songs
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together. We are doing this to be honoring
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into the Lord. It's easy to do this in here.
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Matter of fact, I share with people all the time on Sunday
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morning that we all look like Christian sitting up in here.
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How do we act Monday through Sunday when we're not here?
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And matter of fact, he points out something to us interesting
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here that he says in verse 20, he tells us in verse 19,
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speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual
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songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord.
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But then in verse 20, he says always giving thanks for all
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things in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.
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Wow. See, that's when they called me
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individually to do something. I'm not in the group with you
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now. I'm by myself.
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And he says always give thanks for all things in Jesus Christ.
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Now does that mean, you know, I leave here tonight and I get an
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accident? I get out the car and say thank
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you Lord for all of this. That's not what he's really
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talking about, OK, But he is talking about in that same
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accident, let's say I am delivered out of it unharmed.
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I'm going to give thanks for that.
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Let's say I am damaged in that and the paramedics have to come.
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I can give thanks for that. I am giving thanks that it has
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been provided that care for me is there.
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Whatever this situation is doesn't mean all the situation
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is going to be good. I just need to be equipped to do
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it in an honorable way that I might put God on display.
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Now Paul, as he's writing this letter from chapter 4, verse
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one, Paul is telling us how it is that every St.
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St. ought to conduct himself. It does not matter where the
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Saint is in marriage. You may be before marriage, you
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may be in marriage, you may have never been married, you may even
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be after marriage for some of the reasons He's telling us how
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it is that we are to conduct ourselves and see that's what we
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have to remember as Christians, whatever situation God has us
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in, He wants us in a particular way to conduct ourselves in that
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manner. And when we see that, then we
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can learn from that. Now, as we look at verse 21 and
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following, this is not a change. He is going to address everyone
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individually, but he's going to identify us in the church and
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also in the family. Why in the church?
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Look at verse 21, He says in this verse, and be subject to
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one another in the fear of God. Let's look at the word subject
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first. It means to arrange under or to
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subordinate to subject, to be in subjection.
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And this is one that we kind of shy away from to subject oneself
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to obedience. Now, as I was thinking about
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this, I'm what, what does the term mean?
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It means to place yourself under, OK, to rank under.
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That's really what it means. If I ask you the question, how
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many presidents have we had in the United States?
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Most of you could tell me that would be 45.
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How many of those 45 presidents had no military experience?
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I knew a few of them. I didn't know how many, so I
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looked it up. It was 1414 of the 30 of the 45
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had no military experience. But guess what?
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The commander in chief is The commander in chief is the
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individual who holds the ultimate control and command
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over a military branch or armed force.
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So the president, whether he has military experience or not, he
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is the top man when it comes to the military.
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So let's say the joint chief of staff walks in.
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This guy probably got 30 years of military experience, and he
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wants to do this. And the president says no.
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The giant chief of staff has to rank himself under the
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president. That's what he's calling for
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here in the Scripture. You and I as Christians ought to
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submit to one another. Now he's going to tell us how to
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do it one person at a time. He's going to walk through this
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and say this is how you do it. This is how you do it and this
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is how you do it. Now the problem with this, we're
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going to come to verse 22. We're going to meet that problem
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head on. Wives being subjection to your
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own husband. Now let's start right there.
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I want you to notice be subject notices in italics in your
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scripture. That means it was not there in
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the original. So here how it should read wives
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to your own husband, wives what to your own husbands.
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You have to go back to verse 21. He has said be subject to one
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another. So here is how the wife is to be
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subject to her husband. Matter of fact, the end of the
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verse end of the reading will tell us in everything.
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OK leadership. That's why he starts with the
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common leadership. OK wives, be subject to your own
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husband as to the Lord. Notice he did not say because
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he's smarter than you or even because he is bigger than you.
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He says as unto the Lord. It doesn't mean that this man
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knows more than you do. What it does mean is he has a
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position and that position is husband, and then you as a wife
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is to rank yourself under that. And that's how he calls us to
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live and to honor him. And then he goes and give that
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because it says 4 here in verse 23.
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For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the
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head of the church, He himself being the Savior of the body.
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But as the Church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought
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to be to their husbands in everything.
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Notice it says wives to their husbands.
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Your wife is not to be subject to me, or my wife is not to be
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subject to every man here in the building.
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It says to your husband, now there's the thing about
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leadership in the church and everybody in the church is to be
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under the leadership of father, the leadership of the leaders of
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the church. That's talking about a different
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thing here. It's talking about when it comes
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to your family and what it deals with, with decisions that have
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to be made in your family. The wife is to submit herself,
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just as Christ is the head of the church, and the church
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submits itself to Christ. By the way, if we don't submit
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ourselves to Christ, that would be sin.
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And so he's directing us here to do it in that manner, just as
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Christ is the head of the church and gave himself for the body.
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Christ did all of this for us. He left heaven and came down
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here, became one of the creatures that he had created,
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obedient to the law, obedient to God, died on the cross, was
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raised from the dead by God and went back to heaven.
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And now he's directing Paul that he might write this not I found
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something interesting as I was reading this. 3 verses Paul
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addresses the wife. The next 9 verses he addresses
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the man. Wow, husbands, love your wife,
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just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for
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it. I want you to notice what words
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are not inserted here in italics.
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Submit yourself. Notice those words are not
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injected here. But that's exactly what Paul is
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telling the husbands. When it comes to your love for
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yourself, then rank your love for yourself under your love for
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your wife. And he's given us an example.
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He says this is what Christ did and given himself up for us.
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He ranked his love for himself beneath his love for you and to
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give his life for us and to come down and live for us.
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He says be subject to those words are not there, but the
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idea is the same. This is how the husband is to
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subject ourselves unto the one that we love, our wife.
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Now you can tell your wife all you want to, you know, hey, I
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love you honey, but if she doesn't see that you are doing
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this, that's the problem. OK?
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Matter of fact, my wife says to me a whole lot, hey Tom, I, I
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love you and I'll say I love you.
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But sometimes I'll say to my wife thank you.
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And she looks at me, she says thank you.
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I say, yeah, Don't I just get the privilege of saying I, I
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thank you for loving me, you know, because that's what I say
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when you do something, you know, I just think, y'all just say
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thank you sometime, OK? But I try to demonstrate to my
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wife that I love her. So when she hears it, it's not
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something strange to her. Matter of fact, the guy called
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me sometime back and he was talking to me about a situation
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that he and his wife was going through and it was simply a car
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dealership. OK, so no, no big, you know,
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deal, but it was a car dealership.
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He wanted to go to 1 and she wanted to go to another and he
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wanted to know how do I put this love thing in the practice?
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He says it would be very comfortable to go to this one
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because it's 3 miles from my house, but the other one was 10
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miles from the house where the wife wanted to go.
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So I said you don't have a spiritual thing to deal with.
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Your wife simply wants to know, are you willing to rank your
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love for the short drive to her desire to go to 10 miles?
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He said, OK, thank you. I didn't know what that was
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called. That's a simple way of
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demonstrating to the wife, hey, and you don't have to say,
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honey, I'm doing this because I love you.
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But if you simply do it, it would demonstrate to her that
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yes, it would be easier for you to go to the short, the three,
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the three job because that's where you want to go.
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The three mile thing. But yeah, I'll go ahead and
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drive to 10 miles. Yet it that's not a problem.
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Let's go ahead and do that. And guys, we have to keep in
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mind that when these things come up, they are come up for a
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purpose that we might put God on display even in our own home,
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even to our wives, that she might come to understand my
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husband really cares for me. Now look at verse 26, talking
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about Christ again. It says so that He might
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sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water,
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with the Word, that he might present to Himself the Church in
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all her glory, having not spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
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but that she would be holy and blameless.
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Now notice he's talking about what Christ does for us as
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believers, and what it is that He wants to do.
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Is he present to Himself this holy and glorious body, the
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bride? But there are some things in
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here that I need to look at. Do I ever 'cause my wife to sin?
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That would not be a glorious thing.
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He wants to present to her. He wants to present her to him.
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Holy and blameless. Do I do that with my wife is
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what I need to ask the question? By the way, let me just maybe
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meddle here for a little bit. What about tax time when you
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have to sign that paper and the wife has to sign it and you're
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signing for something that you know is not correct, honey, but
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go ahead and sign it. Just put your name down here.
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Or you really asking her to do something that you know is wrong
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to do, but you're going to ask her to go ahead and do it
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anyway? That's practical.
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That's what he's talking about. I must do the things with my
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wife that would not cause any spot or blemish on her or would
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not cause her to be in an unholy position.
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I want to put her in a position where she's blameless.
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Now, can I control her sin? No, I cannot.
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But I can control what I asked her to do.
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And that's what he's talking about here.
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That's what my love for my wife needs to to be like.
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And it needs to be based on crisis love for me.
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If when I do those things, then I can honor him.
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Verse 28 would say so husbands ought also to love their wives
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as their own body. He who loves his own wife loves
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himself, for no one has ever hated his own flesh, but
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nourished and cherished it, just as Christ also does the church.
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And then we say, well, what about all these people that go
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around and say I just hate myself?
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The scripture says no one hates themselves.
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Now they they have an argument. Is the argument against
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scripture or the arguments against you?
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The argument would it be against Scripture?
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Matter of fact, somebody told me the other day that they were
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sinful because God made them that way.
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He said no, he did not. Oh, oh, Oh yes he did.
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No, he did not. Can you prove that?
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Yes, I can. Genesis chapter 5 says God
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created Adam and he created Adam in his image.
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That tells us how you made Adam. Then the next verse says, and
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Adam begot children in his image.
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Guess what? Was Adam's image sinful?
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Now you can blame Adam if you want to for being sinful, but
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you are responsible for the sin that you're in.
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And that's what I shared with the guy.
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You're responsible. Why?
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Because you have been confronted with the fact that even your
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thought that God made you this way is wrong.
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You are a Sinner because sin has been passed down to all of us.
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So when we share these things, we have to remember who we are
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and that God has nourished and cherished the church.
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Verse 30. Because we are members of His
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body. For this reason a man shall
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leave his father and mother, and they shall be joined to his
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wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 1/4 Scripture
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Genesis. Then he says, this ministry is
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great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the
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church. He says all I have gone through
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here may seem like a mystery to you, and it is a great mystery
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because I am talking about Christ and His relationship to
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the Church. But noted verse 33.
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Nevertheless, each individual among you ought also to love his
36:06
wife even as himself, and the wife must see that she respects
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her husband. This is everything I've laid out
36:20
here for you has been about Christ and the Church and how
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you ought to act in that relationship.
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But I want you to also know the husband and the wife must follow
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this as well in their relationship because then it
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tells you how it is that you ought to submit to one another.
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And I think in that phrase we lose emphasis on it when he says
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submit to one another. We men love that verse 22 wives
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be subjected and we hardly ever mentioned that the words be
37:08
subject was added there. There were not.
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We just love the idea of being over somebody.
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But he's instructing us on how it is that we can be submissive
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to one another. And he starts this by helping us
37:28
to understand what the wife's position is when it comes to
37:33
leadership by the way of counseling a guy and his wife
37:38
there years ago. They've they've moved on, but he
37:42
said to me, he said my wife is in charge of everything in the
37:47
house and I love it that way. And I'm thinking why do the
37:53
counseling, why continue it if you already have decided that
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she's the head of the house and she's going to control.
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He says when it comes to decision making, my wife makes
38:05
all the decision in the house. What can I counsel?
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So I just said, OK, move on. And they eventually moved on
38:15
from the church. But this is what he's telling us
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how it is we're to conduct ourselves.
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Wives, here's what you're to do. Husbands, here's what we are to
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do. And by the way, if you're
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planning to get married, if you're still in that position,
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you want to look for someone who will honor this.
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And when I say this, I really do mean the scripture.
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Honor all of it. And part of that is, are you
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willing as a female? Are you willing to submit
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yourself to this person's leadership?
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That's a question you need to ask.
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Then for the males, you have to ask you a question.
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Is this the woman that I want to lead the rest of my life?
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And when you make that decision, the rest of the decision
39:22
actually will come a lot easier. By the way, Joby and Sandy share
39:28
with me, I think it was Sunday, that this was their 33rd
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anniversary of marriage. That's that's a long time and
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there are people here that's been married longer than that.
39:44
But guess what? It goes back to a decision that
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was made during dating time. Is this the person that I really
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want to submit to, or is this the person that I can really
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love above loving myself? And when we do those things,
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then we will honor God and as we move forward to put this thing
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together. And then one other thing about
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this premarital thing. There there be no secrets.
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If you have any, go ahead and deal with them.
40:29
Go ahead and address them, but let that person know here's what
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we are dealing with and here's what's ahead of us.
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That person might say to you, but thank you for sharing that.
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I just want to be friends and we are now.
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I'll move on and that's OK. Making that decision after you
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married is not OK. And that's the thing that you
40:55
have to look at. Some of you probably know this,
40:59
but I'll share with you anyway. When Don and I came to this
41:05
point of deciding that we was going to date, I was in the
41:09
worst financial situation of my life.
41:14
Before we had our first date. I wanted her to know that so she
41:22
could make a decision. Yes, I will move forward with
41:26
this a no partner. We're just going to be friends
41:30
and be done with it. So I, I said, I matter of fact
41:36
done in my first date was bring your budget.
41:41
No kidding. We literally brought our budget
41:45
before we decided to go on our first date so she could see what
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I was dealing with because I wanted to share with her the
41:54
truth of everything that I had. And I told her, I said, these
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are my bills. This is what I had.
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This is my my financial situation.
42:04
But if we get married, they are not mine, they are ours.
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And she took a look at it and well, as they said, the rest is
42:17
history. But we had that situation.
42:22
And by the way, Donna's budget looked really nice and then the
42:27
whole thing laid out the before she showed her me and showed me
42:30
a payment that she had for a loan that she had.
42:35
I said, Donna then payment is not going to pay that off in 10
42:38
years. She said, yes, it is.
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It's a 10 year loan as I'm not arguing that.
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I'm just telling you the payment isn't going to pay that off.
42:47
And and by the way, Donna and Mary Lee was roommates at the
42:51
time. I used to go by on the weekend
42:53
and put it in a window for Donna.
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She had got the loan to put the window in the house.
42:58
Is it she said, I'll show you the the contract when you come
43:03
over this weekend. So I went over the weekend and I
43:06
saw it and it said right around the top, this is a non
43:12
ameritized loan. You know what ameritized means?
43:18
It means to die off. So this is a non dying off loan.
43:25
What does? That's a cute word to say.
43:27
This is an interest only loan. Donna didn't know that.
43:34
But when we sit down and took a look at it, then we know that
43:37
this whatever money you borrowed now 10 years down the road and
43:41
you paid others and you still going over that same amount of
43:44
money. But we had to come up with how
43:47
it is we would deal with these things.
43:49
Looking at my budget and her budget and we put them together
43:53
and God has blessed in that. And so those are the things you
43:58
want to do in being truthful to one another so you don't get to
44:02
the other side and then say, oh, by the way, I have these things
44:07
you ought to take a look at and if that has happened already in
44:12
your marriage is not too late to deal with it.
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You can deal with it. You can confess it and and and
44:17
deal with those things, but it's best if we do it upfront.
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Now this passage that we have gone through, we've dealt with
44:30
the husband and the wife. In two weeks we're going to come
44:37
back and we're going to pick up the children and the parents.
44:45
Then we're going to pick up the employee and the employers now
44:52
in our Bible just tells us the slave and the slave master.
44:59
We don't have those these days. We have employer and employ
45:02
yours. And that's what he's talking
45:04
about. Why does he address in
45:06
individually? Because he is addressing the
45:09
whole church and everybody in the church is in one of those
45:16
categories, either wife or husband, a child, a parent, an
45:23
employee or an employer. Now, if you're like me, you're
45:27
retired, but you've been through that.
45:30
And so that's what he's telling us, how to conduct ourselves,
45:35
how to submit ourselves to one another in every area that we
45:42
have to come across, whether you are the parent.
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How many of us as parent ever thought about submitting
45:50
ourselves to our children? We really don't.
45:56
We think about children obey your parents and that's kind of
45:59
all we think about. But he's telling us and that how
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it is you can do both, how both has to happen.
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And so that's what we'll do when we come back together in two
46:10
weeks. Deal with those so we can
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address this entire issue. Let us pray.
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Father, we do. Thank you for your great grace
46:22
toward us. Thank you for our time and your
46:25
word. Thank you for all that you share
46:29
with us that we might honor you in all that we do.
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We praise you for who you are. I thank you for giving yourself
46:39
for us to remove us from being subject to the law, to bring us
46:47
in to make us children of God, that we then might honor you and
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all that we do. We do pray to us in Christ's
47:00
name and for a sake we ask it. Amen.