Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / Emotional Resistance Before a Family Trip? How to Process Overwhelm, Avoid Resentment, and Regulate Your Emotions in Motherhood - A Walk and Talk With Brynne
Transcript
- Brynne Erickson (00:01) Good morning. Today I am walking on the shore of Bear Lake, our annual family cabin getaway. And if you hear my dog in the background or need me, I need to call him. That's Scout. I'm yelling at him. But I had an interesting experience getting up here this week. I had so much resistance to wanting to be here. And thankfully for me, I knew it wasn't about the people. I love my people. And I have no doubt that there are many of you that when you have to get together with family or get together with family that might be some of the people that you're resistant to seeing. For me, that is not the case. But I did not want to do all the things that it took to get up here this week. So we left on a Thursday and I felt this dread set in on about Monday. I was like, what is this about? I don't wanna plan anything. I don't wanna get the meals together. I don't even wanna think about the groceries. or the packing. I didn't want to do any of it. And I've done this trip, gosh, 15 times now, only six with kids. And this is our first trip with three kids doing this. And maybe that had something to do with it. It just felt like so much more. I don't know, but, So I was dreading, I was trying to think of ways to get out of it, simplify it. And I just concluded that I didn't want to do all the hardships of motherhood in a hot cabin. in an uncomfortable bed and making meals for 20 plus people. You know, that may sound silly to you. You may say, Brynn, just put on your big girl panties and buck up and do it, right? We do that a lot. But you know what that does? When we just keep doing that over and over again and telling ourselves that we shouldn't feel frustrated, we shouldn't feel anxious, we shouldn't feel whatever it is. That is when resentment sets in and explosions of emotions. And I don't like it when that happens. I don't like the way I feel. I don't like suppressing those emotions anymore. I'd rather solve them, get to the root of it and try and alleviate that discomfort. And even that distance that those feelings create between me and my people that I love and I actually want to be around. I want to get help, help those feelings, not get rid of them, but help them because they're part of me. My feelings are me. They are you. I believe God gave us emotions as information on what we think. and to help us know how to better take care of ourselves. So I knew I was resistant to this. So I tried to simplify things as best I could, but Thursday rolled around and guess where I was? I was on the couch, curled up in a blanket, crying. That morning, still had lots of packing to do. So I knew that I hadn't fully addressed these emotions. So I needed to get in touch with them, which means dropping into your body instead of your head. And I've talked about this before. So you feel the emotion, like you're in your body. So for me, my throat gets really tight. That is a tell that I've got something I need to work through. ⁓ Something I need to say, whether to myself or to someone. but my throat gets super tight and my chest gets really tight and heavy around my heart and that's when I know I've got some emotions that need to be worked out. Sometimes my husband can be a sound board and he's so good. He's learned that because I've been able to advocate for myself and be like, I don't need you to fix anything. I just need to say the words. There's power. There's true power in words and especially speaking them out loud, whether on paper, or through a voice recording or to someone, I do believe that that is an integral part of the process of moving past emotions and processing thoughts. So this time I did it on my own for the most part. I did warn my husband though. was like, look, I have a lot of resistance and thoughts about going on this trip this time. And I just don't want to go. Like that's where I'm at right now. So if I end up having a breakdown while I'm up there, you have been warned. Like, we'll see what happens. I don't know. But thankfully today's day too, I'm feeling really good. But I also addressed the emotions before I came. So sorry, let's get back to that. So I felt I'm laying on the couch, right? Crying, curl up in my blanket. I know I've got work to do. So I just start thinking. I'm allowing all of the thoughts. I don't want to do this. The bed is the worst. It's hot. It's uncomfortable. There's no AC in my room. All of my kids are in my room. All of our stuff is strewn all over the floor and throughout the house. I have to make food for 20 plus people. I have to go pick up the groceries, like all the things, right? It sounds like a total pity party. And it is because that's what I need in that moment for myself. I didn't bring anyone into it. Come to find out later though, after talking to a sister-in-law, we kind of had mutual feelings leading up to this trip. And so I have my pity party and I cry and I can feel the tightness in my throat and in my chest lessening and I breathe and I lay there and then I start settling in and being like, you know. I really do love this place. when you get rid of those emotions, when you give them space and time and attention that they need, then you can start to focus in and want the joy because there's two sides to everything. And so after I gave all the negativity, the space that it needed for a few minutes, I was able to see more clearly. I actually really do love this place. I love those people. I do love the lake. We have so much fun. I love eating everybody else's meals, right? I mean, that movie Inside Out just hits me. Like it speaks to me so much because it's so accurate. Every emotion is a good emotion and a helpful one. And the more we allow our emotions, man. we can just show up as the person we want to be that much better because emotions are just information about something that is important to you. It's really what they are. And I got everything together. Not everything. Let's be honest. I forgot a lot of things. I've never forgot so many things on a trip. In fact, I have to go back to the store. I have to drive around the lake and go get hash browns for my breakfast. Cause there are definitely three packages of them sitting in my freezer at home. Woohoo. More hash browns for us. ⁓ and a couple other things, but I got the most important things and it has been lovely. I'm so glad I'm here. Even my sweet mother could sense my distress. She came up and she texted me later. She's like, I can tell you're really tired. and you've got some stuff going on. So if you and the baby want to stay back a day or two, your dad and I will run you up later in the week. And I was like, oh my gosh, that sounds amazing. In all actuality, I kind of had started formulating like, how could I give myself like a little break and then go up? And I thought about that. But really after just giving myself like 15 minutes, And my husband gave me 15 minutes and I don't know where my children were, but they even gave me 15 minutes at that time. I really felt so much better and it usually only takes like 15 minutes of giving myself some space to process. And wow, I'm getting so much better at it. And my husband is getting so much more like he's gotten so understanding and helpful. ⁓ When I just be like, just need like 15 minutes to process. And that's all I say. And leading up to this, when I was learning about emotions and how to advocate for myself, I really would use language like I'm fine. I feel that the data right now and I just need to work through it. So I just need some time, like a few minutes to do this and then we'll see how I'm doing. And man, it's been awesome. And he's seen how much better, he's even told me, he's like, you've learned a lot from this processing stuff. I can tell it's helping you. And it really is. And it's helping our marriage because I'm able to speak what I need a lot better, a more clearly too. Communication is so key. think all of us want that in our relationships, being able to. speak what we actually want, what we actually need. But guess what? You're never going to know what that is unless you drop inside your heart and you ask yourself, what do I need right now? How can I take care of myself right now? How could I allow my partner to help me in some way? And maybe it is just giving you some space. Maybe it is watching the kids for 15 minutes while you go on a walk, while you take a quiet shower, while no one is banging on the door. And sometimes emotions need to be processed later. Obviously when... You're home alone and it's summer and everyone is awake and being crazy and you're feeling it. Right then is a hard time to find some quiet time. Then there, follow you to the bathroom, right? Follow you to the closet, to the car, wherever you're trying to escape to. ⁓ Our little humans, sheesh. But you can always come back. My shower is my favorite place to process. ⁓ On a walk, moving my body is helpful as well. But just know, emotions are not bad. They're just information. And the better you get at getting curious about them and giving them space and attention and care, the more joy you're going to find in this life. If you're not going to be bogged down by all of the what we tend to call negative emotions, heavier, let's call them heavier emotions. You won't be so bogged down by them all the time because you're shoving them down and suppressing them and they're building, Until you're that time bomb that goes off. can just address them. So there you go. Start looking inward, give yourself some time, advocate for yourself, say what you need, start processing, give your emotions a name. What are they? Where is it? Where do you feel it? Breathe with it. Say all the things you need to say. Have your pity party and then lean into gratitude. that works for you as well as it's worked for me. Make it a great day you guys. You're awesome. Cheering you on.