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Episode 5 - When You Wake Up & Realize You've Betrayed Yourself · Live From Your Heart

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  Foreign.
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  Welcome to Live from your heart. I'm your host,
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  Les Paul Klein. For three
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  decades of my life, I've lived trying
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  to get others approval,
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  not the truth. I lived to be accepted.
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  But I wasn't real, authentic. And what did it cost me?
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  Pieces of myself, over and over.
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  I didn't realize I was even losing those pieces.
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  This podcast, it's for anyone who knows deep down that
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  they've been living someone else's version of
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  their life. And they're ready,
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  you're ready to come home to your own heart
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  and be real and be authentic.
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  Doesn't matter how old you are, doesn't matter how long
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  you've been doing this, it's possible to
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  reclaim your own heart. So every week
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  we're going to talk about reclaiming that identity and healing old patterns
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  and finding courage again. And finally living from the truest and most
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  grounded place inside of you, your heart.
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  This isn't therapy, it's not self help. It's just a
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  real huge invitation for you to
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  come and learn how to live a real life from
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  your own heart. So let's jump in.
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  If you're going to live from your own heart for
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  the rest of your life,
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  there comes a crucial
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  moment when
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  you realize.
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  You betrayed yourself.
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  You didn't betray. Those you're disappointing
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  are those you're not doing what they think you
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  should do, want you to do,
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  but you're betraying yourself. Now,
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  let me say that we probably at that point don't
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  know what we don't know. I know that was the case for. Me.
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  But I knew the moment I
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  stood in that auditorium with my father that
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  this was going to change my life.
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  And every decision I made from that point forward did
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  consciously and unconsciously changed my life.
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  So I betrayed myself. Now, I didn't
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  really know what that looked like, but I betrayed myself. You ever feel that
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  way? I know
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  you do. Because when you don't live from your own heart
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  and you live from a life
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  laid out for you by someone else,
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  then there's a point where you go, I don't want to do this anymore.
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  Well, we're into episode five. This is Les Paul Klein,
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  and I'm bringing to you live from your own heart.
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  And I'm weaving the stories of how I
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  learned this from my own
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  experience, my own life.
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  I hope that if you've not listened to the
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  first four episodes that you'd go back to the beginning.
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  Because as I weave my world of
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  learning how to live from my own heart, there's crucial steps
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  in every episode that can be of great
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  value to you to
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  change your life,
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  change the way you're living.
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  I will say this, that my
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  parents, and they're the hinge of this whole
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  process for me, they never got
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  it. Never. My dad had a stroke
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  some years later and
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  really lost his ability to think
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  and communicate. My mother had
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  been lost in my dad for her
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  entire life. And I'll say more about that as
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  we move forward in my episodes. But I'll just say this,
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  that my mother had her own live
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  from your own heart moment sometime
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  after my father was dead. It was good for her.
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  It. It really was good for her.
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  Now. Let me say this.
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  The hardest part isn't regret.
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  No. It's grieving.
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  How long you ignored your own voice.
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  And it comes in a lot of forms, as you know, grief comes and
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  goes and comes and goes and comes and goes. And when it's going on
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  in this space, you don't really know that's what's going on. But you know
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  something's not right. And you know that you're just.
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  You're. The best word I could put
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  to it is you're in turmoil internally.
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  You look good outside, but inside you're turning.
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  You're just yucky.
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  Yeah, it's kind of the way it works. It's kind of the way it
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  happens. So here are some
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  of the ways. Let me just throw these at you so you'll
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  have a framework. Here's some of the ways we betray ourselves.
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  We say yes when we should have said no.
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  Yeah. And at the moment that it happens,
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  we don't realize it, but after reflection, we do.
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  Here's another one. We don't speak up. We just
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  stay silent and live with it.
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  I did that for a long time.
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  Here's a biggie. We avoid the truth.
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  The truth might upset someone.
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  It might.
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  Really, really make a mess.
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  So let's just live outside of that truth
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  for now.
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  And here's the last one. And I think this is probably the.
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  The biggest thing that we
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  experience when we just betray ourselves,
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  that's abandoning our own desires.
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  That's probably the biggest. I gave
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  up way too soon for what I really wanted.
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  Someone asked me, so, Liz, Paul, what was it
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  that you really wanted to do?
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  What was it? Well, it wasn't anything big.
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  No. I grew up in this little ranching
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  community that had my heart and
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  soul. And.
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  I wanted to be a catwoman.
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  I wanted my own ranch.
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  I wanted to climb on one of my great quarter horses
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  every day. I wanted to
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  live up on that hill and Overlook the
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  land. I didn't mind the hard work.
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  I had no dreams or aspirations
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  for making millions of dollars.
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  I just wanted to be a cowboy.
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  I know. Well, there's a lot of people that wanted
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  to be a cowboy. That's the American dream. When you were young.
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  Yeah. Well, I lived right in the middle of it. I got
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  a taste of it growing up.
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  I abandoned my own desires.
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  And by the time I got back to my own desires,
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  there were so many obstacles and
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  so much time had passed.
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  It was hard to reframe. Was hard to go back and
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  recover 30 years of you.
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  Yeah, that was the struggle.
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  I'll talk more about that as we go forward.
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  Let me say this. Over time,
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  your betrayal, it builds.
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  It's. You know, you say yes when you meant no,
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  and you just keep doing that. There's this internal
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  combustion churning in your gut, and it builds.
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  And emotionally you don't know
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  it, but you shut down. And there will be a point
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  when it finally blows up.
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  And when that does, your heart is going to demand honesty.
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  You can't live with it any longer.
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  My life came to that point, couldn't live with it
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  any longer. And I
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  didn't know how to get where I wanted to go,
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  as I just said.
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  But I knew I didn't want what I had anymore.
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  Now, let me say this.
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  In a. Lesson learned by me.
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  Don't go destroy people in your world,
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  especially your immediate family. Don't go
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  blow them up, but invite them to
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  go with you on the journey as you shift.
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  I didn't do that. I didn't do
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  that. I didn't invite my wife on
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  the journey or my children.
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  And that created some
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  brokenness, some of which will never be healed and
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  some of which has left deep scars and lasting
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  impressions. Yeah.
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  So if there's a lesson here for you,
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  invite those people closest to you that will love you
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  and support you. Invite them on your new
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  journey. Yeah. Because there's going to be a breaking
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  point when you go, I can't do this anymore.
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  I have denied my own desires long enough.
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  Pausing to think about it all.
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  Yeah.
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  Let me lay this in front of you as
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  you pause and you just listen to your own heart. And that's a lot
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  of what learning how to live from your heart is all about.
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  Pausing to listen.
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  You can't betray yourself until
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  you know yourself.
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  And once you have awakened to who you
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  really are, that's when every choice will
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  matter. Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  My pauses. Regret.
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  It does.
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  Don't make the same mistake I did.
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  When you have recovered your
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  Heart's desires.
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  Make sure you've not brought along regret
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  because sometimes you can't undo it.
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  Yeah. Sometimes you just have to accept it. That's what happened.
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  And make the best of the
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  rest going forward. So how
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  are you going to fix the relationship with yourself?
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  There's three things that I want to put in front of you.
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  Now, I don't use a lot of notes or thoughts, but I had
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  put a few things down and I have to be really honest. I recorded this
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  three other times and trashed them. But this
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  is the one you need to hear three things if you're going
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  to repair the relationship with your own heart and begin to live there.
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  Okay?
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  Admit the truth to yourself.
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  Admit the truth. You've absolutely
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  abandoned your own heart and desires. You betrayed yourself.
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  Admit that. Okay?
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  That's number one. Number two, this is the hinge.
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  Okay? If you're on a video and you say this is the
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  hinge, forgive yourself.
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  Forgive yourself. That's one of the hardest
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  things to do. Do you forget?
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  No, you don't. Forgiveness and forgetting.
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  Okay. You can forgive and not forget.
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  I forgave myself. I don't forget what I did.
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  Yeah. And I would really like to tell you that you'll not
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  regret some things. I hope that's the case for you,
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  not the case for me. I still have regret, as I've said
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  that several times now.
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  But here's the last thing that you're going to have to do to
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  make this relationship with your own heart. Good.
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  Okay, Here it is.
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  When your heart is finally speaking,
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  make a choice that is aligning with what
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  your heart says. Go forward with what your
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  heart is saying to you. Go forward. I don't know
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  what that might look like for you. I know for me
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  it meant I wasn't going to be a pastor of
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  a church anymore. Okay. And it took a long
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  time to get to that place from that place standing
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  in that auditorium under construction until I
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  was at that place five or six
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  years. Yeah. And a lot of stuff.
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  You don't have to live in
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  this betrayal of your own heart
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  the rest of your life.
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  You don't. Now, does this take work?
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  Yes. Do you need help? Probably so.
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  I did. I did.
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  If you go to the Show Notes, there's a link to
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  my website. It's not the
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  kind of website you think. Okay. Coaching Heart
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  Living. If you'll click the link and register,
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  I'm going to walk you through some thoughts, give you an opportunity
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  to reach out to me. We can have
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  a conversation and at that point we can make
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  a decision on whether or not you want to hire me as your
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  coach to help you walk through this process.
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  Up to you, but you may need some help to go through this.
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  I'm here. I hope
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  today's episode said
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  something that
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  will help you move forward and
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  forgive yourself.
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  Take care. I'll see you on the next episode of Live from
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  your Heart.
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  If today's episode stirred something in you,
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  that's your heart speaking. If you're ready to go
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  deeper into this work, let me invite you to come and join me
• 19:40
  in my Live from your heart coaching experience.
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  It's a six month journey. I can take
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  you back to the truth, help you learn
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  your real identity and uncover
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  that emotional freedom that's yours to have.
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  If you'd like to know more about my coaching
• 20:04
  experience Live from your heart, you'll find the link
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  down in the show notes. Until next time
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  folks. Live from your heart. It's the only life that's
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  truly yours.