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Why Narcissists Keep Your Things When The Relationship Ends · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Why are there so many narcissists and toxic people
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  that are insistent on keeping your things?
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  Why don't they just give you your stuff back when the
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  relationship ends? After they've treated you
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  horribly, done something terrible to you, lied to you,
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  cheated on you, put their hands on you, put their feet on you?
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  Why can't they just give up your stuff and just move on?
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  Why is that? That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all? Of course, if you're new here,
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  I'm Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist, and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Let's get it. Welcome back folks.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes, the narcissist, the Noah success and keeping your things.
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  Now I will do a separate video on why sometimes like the
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  narcissist refuses to come get their things.
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  But this right here we're going to be focusing on the topic of
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  keeping your things and also my one on ones, my coaching, my
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  courses, everything is available at mentalillness.net.
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  Make sure you check that out. And yes, let's hop right into
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  it. Y'all narcissist love keeping
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  your stuff. Now not every narcissist will
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  keep your stuff. Some of them will absolutely
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  give you your stuff back or trash it, burn it, put a put a
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  demonic curse on it, hex it, whatever, right?
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  Some of them would do whatever they need to do, but a lot of
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  times they'll keep your stuff. OK lady, you said that you're
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  repeating yourself. Tell us why.
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  OK, I can give you a few different reasons as to why.
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  One reason that narcissist keep your stuff.
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  If so, they keep keep having a reason to reach out to you.
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  Plain and simple. They want to have a reason to
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  continue to connect to you, to continue to reach out to you, to
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  continue to have something to say to you.
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  You know what I mean? They will absolutely keep a lot
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  of your things to have a reason to reach out to you.
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  Hey, are you going to come get your stuff?
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  And then you come get your stuff.
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  And then guess what happens? They keep, they don't give you
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  all of it. They keep some of it.
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  Oh, I forgot to give you your, your plants or your flower or
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  your thong or your PS-5 controller stick, right?
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  Not even the PS-5 controller, the little, there's a little
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  thing you wrap around a controller to keep the sticks
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  from moving. That right there.
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  They, they keep little things like they'll, it's a slow drip
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  to have a reason to reach out to you.
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  So if you, if they, let's say they call you one day, right?
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  Let's just say a narcissist calls you one day and they
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  instead of you know what? They call you one day and you
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  just pop off at them. You like, why the hell are you
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  calling me? I blocked you.
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  It's over. Leave me the hell alone.
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  And then they can say I'm just calling you because you left
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  your stuff here. Do you not want your stuff?
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  I thought you wanted your stuff. See, I'm trying to help you out.
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  You yelling and screaming at me. See, we can't see.
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  I should just throw it away. I should just throw it away.
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  You see what I'm saying? It gives them, in their minds,
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  it gives them a valid reason to continue to reach out to you and
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  whatnot, A valid reason to continue to torture you and to
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  try to message your head and all this other good stuff, all the
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  other back and forth stuff, right?
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  So a lot of nurses love to do this type of stuff, right?
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  They love to do it. They love to keep you on the
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  hook. They love to have that always
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  have their reason to reach out, which is why they slowly release
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  some of your things. It's like them they're they're
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  releasing the hostages to you, right?
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  They slowly release the hostages every once in a while to come
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  back and get you. You know what I'm saying?
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  They slowly release the hostages.
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  So do you. So you keep, so you keep the
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  negotiations open. So that's one of the reasons why
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  y'all, another reason why, and these are in no particular
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  order, right? Another reason why is because
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  they would just want to torture or punish you.
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  Y'all especially especially if you are the one that ended the
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  relationship. Hell yeah.
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  I'm going. I I gotta get you back.
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  I got I gotta do something to you.
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  Hell, you think you'll get away Scott free?
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  Hell no. I'm keeping your stuff.
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  Why would I let you? Why don't I just let you give
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  you your stuff so you can just move on?
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  So you don't have to talk to me. You don't have to reach out to
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  me. Hell, now who?
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  What? I do I look like Boo Boo the
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  fool to you? Do I look like Boo Boo the fool
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  to you? I'm just curious, right?
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  I am super curious. Do I look like Boo Boo the damn
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  fool to you? You got to feel this pain.
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  So sometimes they'll keep the most important things to you.
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  Let us say you got to earn one of your parents ashes in there,
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  your best friend or your sister or brother, whoever, right?
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  You got ashes. They'll keep the urn.
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  They'll keep the urn and start threatening to do things to it.
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  They'll hold your stuff hostage. You, you have seen those old
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  movies or like literally some real life stuff where they hold
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  somebody hostage and they help. They like see, see if you've
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  really have my brother send me proof of life and they'll send a
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  picture or video with him holding today's newspaper,
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  right? Or reading today's headlines or
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  something like that. They'll do that type of stuff,
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  like except for the person, they'll do that with your
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  things. They'll send you a picture of
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  your mom's ashes or your sister's ashes or whatever,
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  Somebody's ashes. They'll send a picture of the
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  urn with a note on it, right? Just to let you know that they
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  still got it and that they're still trying to mess with you.
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  Man, is, is, is crucial and is horrible.
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  It absolutely is. It's crucial and it's horrible
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  and it's it's, it's tough to deal with, man.
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  I promise you it is. So some of them, they want to
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  get you back for the pain and shame that you caused them.
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  Yeah, they might have bought, they might have brought some
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  pain and shame into your life, but how dare you bring it into
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  theirs? They have to make you feel the
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  hurt. They have to make you feel the
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  pain. They have to make you regret it.
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  They have to make you squirm. They have to make you feel it.
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  So yes, there are a lot of a ton of narcissistic people out
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  there. They would do exactly that.
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  They'll make you feel it. They'll make sure that you feel
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  it. They'll do horrible last things
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  to you to make sure that you feel it, to ensure that you feel
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  it. They'll keep yourself, They'll
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  start shredding your stuff up. They'll they'll tear some of the
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  stuff up and release some of the stuff.
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  You know what I'm saying? They'll throw something out the
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  window and tell you, well, there's just on this.
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  There's only one other thing. I still got the other one.
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  You keep, you better act right. You better talk to me.
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  So sometimes they want to control, they want to punish you
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  and torture you, which is one another reason why they keep
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  your stuff. The next one, y'all is going to
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  be like the most common reason, power in control.
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  I'm keeping your shit because I can.
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  You're not getting it because I said so.
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  You can't. You're not allowed in my house.
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  Get off my property. I know this is your stuff.
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  I know that your name is on the lease.
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  I know this. I know that I know all this type
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  of stuff is going on. So absolutely hell no.
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  I just I'm in control. You got to come to me.
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  You got to wait for my call. I'm in control of how this works
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  and how this goes. You have no power.
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  Here you are. You see what I'm saying?
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  You shall not pass. Oh, you're my my Lord of the
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  Ring, folks. You shall not bar.
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  You see what I'm saying that's what goes on right there man.
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  I'm just telling you this is what this is the mentality.
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  They want to they want to control it.
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  They love having the power. I got your stuff kind of like it
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  really is childish. Kind of think of y'all, maybe
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  the old saying na na Boo Boo, that type of stuff like that.
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  Literally that's what they're doing with your stuff with power
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  and control and torturing you Na na Boo Boo.
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  I got your stuff, I got more, I got your stuff and you do not.
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  Seriously, power control is one of the main reasons why they
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  like to keep your things, why they like to keep this stuff,
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  why they like to have it and keep it moving, the things of
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  that nature. So absolutely true power control
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  is a huge reason on why they keep this stuff.
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  The next reason, I think I got what, two more reasons right
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  here. It's not, it's like not super
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  low. I know earlier I said they want
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  to have a reason to keep reaching out to you.
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  Another reason is they want you to reach out to them.
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  It goes into power and control. It goes into torturing you.
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  You know what I'm saying? They want you to reach out to
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  them. You want your stuff.
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  You got to break no contact. You have to talk to me.
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  Like sometimes when I'm telling people on one, on ones, like if
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  you don't want to break no contact, get a friend or a
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  family member or somebody like that.
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  They can reach out to them on your behalf and get your stuff.
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  And sometimes they'll just deny it.
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  I'm not talking to you. If they want their stuff, they
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  got to talk to me. They'll try to force you to
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  break no contact, right? So sometimes they're trying to
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  force you to break no contact in order to get your stuff, in
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  order to retrieve, retrieve your stuff in order to get anything,
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  have anything that's going for you.
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  They want you to break no contact.
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  They want you to to talk to them and speak to them.
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  So yes, a lot of narcissistic people will absolutely keep your
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  stuff in the it's just to have you reaching out to them, just
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  to have that control, just to have that power, just have that
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  open line of communication and have that Open Access to you.
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  Because guess what? As long as I have your stuff, I
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  have access to you as well. This is how it goes.
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  This is a big piece of it. This is a big part of it.
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  As long as I have your things, I have access to you as well.
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  So I want you to keep reaching out and I want to be able to
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  reach out to you as well, right? This is that mount.
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  This is that mindset. I know it's childish yourself.
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  I know it's Nanana, Boo Boo, but this is how it goes.
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  And at the end, I'm going to tell y'all about how what I
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  would do in these situations right here.
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  Yeah, last but not least, Drum roll, please.
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  Sometimes they're just lazy as hell and they just want to keep
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  the. I'm just telling.
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  Sometimes they just want to keep it.
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  There's like, free, free stuff. Especially if it's stuff that
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  they can actually use, Right? Especially if it's something
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  they they actually have used for.
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  Hell yeah, they gonna keep it. Why not?
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  You're not getting your mom's broom back.
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  That's that. I know that dustpan is something
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  I bought you for your birthday, but it's mine.
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  You should have took it when you left.
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  I know these these plants here are yours, but they're mine now.
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  You shouldn't have left them. They like free narcissistic
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  people, like free things. There's so many people that I
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  talked to just Lee. I had to escape.
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  I had to leave this type of stuff behind.
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  And guess what? You know, like what they, they,
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  they keep it up. They get my pictures, my, my
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  pictures, my, my, my stuff, my, my portraits, the things that,
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  the things that I have painted, my favorite albums, my movie
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  posters. They still got them on the wall
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  like it's theirs. They'd have moved on there and a
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  whole new relationship and they still have my stuff on the wall.
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  They still have my stuff in the bathroom.
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  They still have my stuff in the kitchen.
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  They still use my favorite pots and pans, my hex clad pots and
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  pans. They still using that what it's
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  annoying, so sometimes they just like to have things for free.
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  No thank y'all for making me through that part right here in
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  part. Why tell you what should you do
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  in this situation? So if a narcissist or types of
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  person refusing to give you your things, you had to ask yourself
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  a lot of a few questions, but one of the main important
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  questions you have to ask yourself, do I really need this
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  stuff? Are these things with this stuff
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  are the how important, how truly important are they to me because
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  I have to make a decision for myself right now.
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  You see what I'm saying? If this person is just refusing
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  to give him my stuff back and the police are not helping or
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  nobody else would go with you or whatever the case may be, right?
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  A lot of time you have, you have to ask yourself, is it work?
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  Is all? Are these things work?
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  Having to stay in contact with them.
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  Are these things, are these materials or whatever it is, you
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  know, worth having to have this person have this power and
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  control over me or have this person or have me having to
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  reach out to them or having them just being able to mess with me
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  and torture me and see me pictures of the stuff that I do
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  that I did want. You have to ask yourself, are
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  these things worth it? Because sometimes, sometimes
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  they're really not. Sometimes they are y'all.
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  And again, sometimes they are sometimes they are not.
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  Like you might not care about your dustpan or your, your
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  ceiling fan brush. You might not care about this
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  type of stuff. Your popcorn ceiling ceiling
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  scraper, you might not care about this type of stuff, right?
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  But sometimes it is stuff that you care about.
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  And then you have to make sure before you leave, y'all, if you,
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  if it's possible, make sure before you leave, before you
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  have to escape, make sure that you taking pictures and keeping
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  those pictures safe. Take pictures of the stuff that
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  you had. You might have had to leave
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  behind just in case you have to file a police report.
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  And they had you all say you had to file a police report and then
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  they're going to ask for pictures and stuff like that.
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  And you can say, hey, I did this video on the way out to the
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  door. This is how I left it.
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  I haven't been back since. And my stuff was sitting right
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  there by the door. They said that they have, they
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  said that they had thrown in the way.
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  I don't know how true that is. Then you have pictures, then you
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  have evidence because you want to be able to take that type of
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  stuff, y'all? Because if you leave and then
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  it's your word against theirs, you never know how that's going
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  to go. You're right, a cop, you're
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  saying it's just, you just never know how the situation is going
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  to pan out for you. So I'll make sure to take
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  pictures and videos before you leave because you might have to
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  call the police again if you don't want to break no contact.
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  You can use a third party if possible to, you know, to have
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  this communication thing handled and whatnot and blocked off.
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  You can have that happen for you right there.
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  You know, I mean, that's it. That's super, extremely
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  important. So make sure that you have that
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  ready, you have that at your disposal.
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  It's going to be important as hell, y'all, you know, it
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  really, really is. It's just it's just one of those
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  things that's going to be extremely important as you
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  continue to move forward on your journey, as you continue to to
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  empower yourself and as you continue to heal and grow and do
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  all the other good things, all the other good stuff.
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  So ask yourself, is it worth it? And if it is, you know what I'm
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  saying? Sometimes you might have to walk
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  away from this stuff if it is worth it.
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  Sometimes they call the police, don't we do not negotiate with
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  narcissistic terrorists. I don't know, like narcissists,
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  they like to terrorize you. They like to torture you.
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  They like to do a lot of horrible things to you.
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  So make sure you're not negotiating with a narcissistic
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  terrorist. Anyways, y'all think I've made
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  to the end of the video? If you haven't already, make
• 13:26
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  Peace.