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Why do so many narcissists have trouble expressing themselves · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissists have
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  trouble expressing themselves. It's trouble expressing their
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  emotions. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back yes.
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  So y'all think y'all understand that right there, y'all?
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  I think that this is one of those times.
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  Y'all know I don't like to speak in absolutes when I when it
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  comes to talking about narcissism or personality
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  disorder or any mental health issues overall, right?
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  You know I don't, that's not what I do because there's people
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  whose feelings I hurt when I talk about narcissism.
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  They all leaves pandering me, me, me, me.
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  Yeah, I'm telling you. But I don't speak for all
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  narcissists. Of course I don't.
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  But like, there are most narcissists.
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  I would say over 90% of narcissists, 95% Let's let's
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  take it high, turn the knob up. Have trouble expressing their
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  emotions, have trouble expressing themselves in any
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  healthy way. Why is that?
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  Why is that? Of course, we know that
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  narcissistic people, like are most narcissists are traumatized
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  individuals. There are some narcissists who
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  just were never told no, never had boundaries set on them and
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  they become inherently narcissistic, right?
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  But there are narcissists, most of them would say that they've
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  been traumatized in their childhood or in their youth in
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  some way, shape or form, right? And because they've been
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  traumatized in their youth in some way, shape or form, they
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  always have that, that, that, that excuses in their pocket,
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  right? They can always kind of use that
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  as an excuse to why they are acting or behaving in a certain
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  way, why they are treating you a certain way, right?
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  A certain way, right? Why they are treating you in a
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  certain way. Like, you know, hey, you know
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  that my mom never gave me an Easy Bake oven when I was
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  little. And that's why I beat you.
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  What? You hit me because you're what?
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  You know what I'm saying? It's just they always have an
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  excuse for their behaviours because of that.
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  But why do they have trouble expressing their emotions?
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  Deep emotions. Let's keep it hiding.
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  Ready like a Little Caesar's pieces.
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  Deep emotions make narcissist uncomfortable.
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  And let me say this as well. Yeah.
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  Because I know people will hear me say that statement right
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  there. And the first thing out of your
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  mouth, the first thing out of your brains will be like, well,
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  Lee, I have trouble expressing my emotions.
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  Does that does that make me a narcissist?
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  No, nothing I say absolutely makes anybody a narcissist,
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  y'all. These are guidelines right here.
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  You know what I mean? These are guidelines.
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  These are, you know, generalities.
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  But why did they have trouble expressing their emotions?
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  Because it makes them uncomfortable.
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  They don't know how they don't understand it.
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  Like, you know, most of the, the, a lot of the ways that we
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  learn how to behave as adults is based on how we were raised as
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  children, right? How we were, how our youth went,
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  it determines a lot of things that goes on in our adulthood.
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  So we've, we never get a chance to express ourselves in a
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  healthy way as a, as a, as youth, as young folks.
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  How in the hell are we going to express ourselves in a healthy
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  way as an adult? How in the hell are we going to
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  express ourselves in a healthy way as adults if we can't do it
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  as kids? If we don't have a, if we don't
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  have a situation where there is any type of, you know,
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  consistency in expressing ourselves as children, right?
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  How the hell are we supposed to make that happen?
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  How's hell are we supposed to make that work?
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  How? What is going on in these
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  circumstances? What is going on in these
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  situations? How in the hell do we make this
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  work right? Like we don't know how.
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  Who teaches us? Our teachers have failed us.
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  A lot of times it's our toxic, narcissistic parents that have
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  failed us in teaching us how to express ourselves in a healthy
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  way. Or they didn't give us a they
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  didn't give us a healthy space to express ourselves.
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  When we were kids, we tried to express ourselves.
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  We were shut down, we were abused, we were hurt in some
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  way, shape or form. So we were, we were retreated
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  within ourselves. We were treated within ourselves
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  because we couldn't, we didn't have that opportunity to learn.
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  We, we didn't have that safe space to express ourselves
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  because any type of vulnerability that we express in
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  our childhood was typically weaponized against us.
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  As a little boy. You see what I'm saying?
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  As a little boy, are you crying? You crying like a girl, You a
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  little girl, you cry like a little girl.
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  You look a little, you can turn into a little girl.
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  You're a baby, you're a baby and it hardens you.
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  It hardens you. It's like narcissistic people
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  are like really like, if you think about it, they're like
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  really are like, like, damn, what do you call it?
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  Like lollipops, like the, I can't think of the name of the
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  sucker. I haven't had one in years.
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  But the little suckers with the, the, the gumballs, the little
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  hard shells. How many licks does it take to
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  the get to the centre of the, the lollipops?
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  Like they have a little gum or a little chocolate centre.
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  This is how it is. They have the hard exterior and
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  the soft interior. Narcissists are soft inside,
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  y'all? They're soft inside.
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  So we have trouble expressing our emotion because the
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  softness, it's kind of like, you know, our core is, is just soft.
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  It's baby. We have babies at our core.
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  We have hurt children at our core.
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  We have, we experienced Arrested Development.
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  We never got a chance. We, we, we experienced some type
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  of trauma in our youth, 6789 years old, ten, 11-12 years old.
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  We got stuck there. So they're stuck.
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  We are stuck. A lot of us are stuck at 8 years
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  old emotionally. We're stuck at 10 years old
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  emotionally because that's the age of the trauma that we
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  experienced, right? That's the year we shut down and
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  decided to decided that vulnerability and expressing
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  ourselves was more dangerous than it was healthy, right?
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  That's when we got stuck being who we are.
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  That's when we got stuck at the age, right?
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  So we can't express, we don't know how to express ourselves.
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  Expressing ourselves as in our youth got us hurt, got us
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  abused, got us used, got us lied to, got us manipulated, you
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  know, got us called names. So we didn't want to express
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  ourselves. It's not, it's not just coming
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  from your parents. Sometimes you can, sometimes
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  there can be external sources. There could be some external
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  bullies out there that bullied the hell out of us, that treated
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  us, treated us in such a way. They're like, hey, look, if you
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  express these emotions, you're soft or you're not ladylike,
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  you're not man like, you know, that's like you're, you're a
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  little girl instead of being a little boy.
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  I'm just telling you the mindset and this is not me just trying.
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  This is how we used to talk back in the day.
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  You know, this is how we used to get talked to as kids.
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  We didn't have a chance. Your narcissistic partner or ex
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  didn't have a chance. Your narcissistic parent didn't
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  have a chance. And this is not me trying to get
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  you to, oh, I need to forgive them and go back and give them
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  another chance. This is not what I'm saying.
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  This is me just trying to give you explanation because just
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  because they were abused doesn't give you the chance, doesn't
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  give them the right to abuse you.
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  You know it doesn't give them the right to hurt you or harm
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  you or abuse you or treat you a certain type of way.
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  That's not right. Regardless of how you shake it,
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  That's not right regardless of how you deal with it.
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  You know, regardless of how they deal with it, they don't get to
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  hurt you because they got hurt. That's not the way it goes.
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  So I would just always tell people, you know, take it with a
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  grain of salt. They can't.
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  They don't know how to express themselves.
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  How do you communicate with them?
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  You have like if they're stuck at 7-8, nine years old, ten
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  years old, you have to dumb down your level of communication.
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  You know, you have to dumb it down and you have to like, I
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  know you were talking to an adult, but mentally you're
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  talking to a 7 year old or 8 year old or 10 year old.
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  They don't know how to, they don't understand complex
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  emotions, happy, sad, joy, you know, that type of stuff.
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  The basic emotions they might can understand, but the complex
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  ones, anything deeper, anything beneath the surface, anything
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  that that that goes beneath that hardened shell will make them
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  feel a certain type of way. They could feel awkward, they
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  could feel hurt, they could feel used and abused.
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  You know, So it's not like I said, it doesn't base on you
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  right there. It does.
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  It's not, it has way less to do with you than you think.
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  I thought to so many people that think that, you know, the
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  narcissists in the beginning, they expressed themselves very
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  well because it's surface level, like you're not you, you.
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  They can make it seem like they're digging deep because
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  they can describe their trauma or they can describe similar
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  experiences that you've experienced.
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  But when it comes to expressing those emotions or how they dealt
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  with those emotions, they can't really tell you.
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  They can share their trauma with you, but are they sharing their
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  their healing with you? Like, there's a big difference,
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  y'all. They will share their trauma
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  with you to get you to connect to them, but are they also
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  sharing their healing with you? What they've done to rectify
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  their youth, rectify their hurt, rectify their pain.
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  Very rarely do you hear that, you know, hey, I got abused when
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  I was little. And they be it.
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  They be it. Yeah, My mom treated me like
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  that when I was little. What's the conclusion?
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  Oh, I've, my mom treated me like that when I was little, but I'm
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  grown now. What have you done since then?
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  They haven't put in any work to change their behaviours.
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  They haven't put in any work to be more vulnerable, to express
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  themselves in a healthier way. You know, they haven't done
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  anything. It just kind of think they can
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  describe their trauma, but they can't describe their healing or
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  the work that they've put in to change their trauma a lot of
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  times. Can some of them do that?
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  You know, can some of them do that?
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  Yeah, some of them can do that. But most of them don't have the
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  ability to do that. Most of them don't have the
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  ability to dig the beneath the surface or to to make to make
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  any discernible changes. They just get surface level.
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  Surface level is describing the trauma.
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  Digging deeper is describing the healing or the recovery.
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  They don't dig deeper. They don't dig deeper because
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  the vulnerability in their youth, in our childhood, in our
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  youth. And I, I speak from experience
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  right here, got me hurt. It got me.
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  It got me. You know where I'm at right now.
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  It did. Again, this is not trying to get
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  you to feel sorry for the narcissistic person in your
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  life, Lee. I feel bad for them.
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  Let me call them now. Don't you dare.
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  I'm going to respond to your text messages Lee, because you
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  made this video. Don't you dare.
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  Don't do it because you saw this video.
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  That's crazy as hell. Y'all don't do that.
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  That's how emotional manipulation work.
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  And that's what made me say no, no, they have the they have the
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  response. Look, the abuse was on somebody
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  else, right? The healing is on them.
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  Just like in your situation right there.
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  The abuse that they did to you, that's on them.
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  The healing is on you. The abuse is on them, the
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  healing is on you. Doesn't seem fair, but that's
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  the way, that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes,
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  y'all? That's the way the, the IT
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  shakes out. That's the way it goes sometimes
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  in these spaces. So I urge y'all, I pray for
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  y'all to keep healing, to keep growing, to keep thriving
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  because you work on your communication skills as much as
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  you want to, but like to communicate with these
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  narcissistic people. You have to dumb down your level
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  of communication because they have trouble expressing
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  themselves because they never got the chance to and they never
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  learn to learn how to in their youth and it's still
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  uncomfortable. They don't know how they can be
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  40 years old. They can be 50 years old.
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  And I will say this, I'll end with this right here.
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  Y'all, There's a big difference between emotional intelligence
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  than actual intelligence. You can have a rocket scientist
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  that is emotionally immature. You know, you can have a an
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  astrophysicist that is emotionally mature, immature.
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  They can be super intelligent on the surface, but emotionally
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  stunted. You know, there's a big
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  difference. I feel like the more, the
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  quicker you recognize the difference or the better, the
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  better you the more you recognize the difference, the
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  better it is for you in the long run.
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  Yeah, anyways, y'all thank you for tuning into another episode.
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  I'm super grateful that y'all are here with me.
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  Y'all been grinding with me for years, which is crazy.
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  I'm thankful for you. Make sure you like and subscribe
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  may mental illnesses out please. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I'm extremely grateful for you.
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  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps reach more
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  people and click on the screen to watch another video or to
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  browse through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.