Latest / Nightmare Success In and Out / The Light Burns Bright for Kristen Johnson

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The Light Burns Bright for Kristen Johnson · Nightmare Success In and Out

0:01
What happens when your worst fear becomes your reality?
0:03
Hi, I'm Brent Cassidy, welcome to the Nightmare Success In and
0:07
Out podcast where we explore how to overcome your fears and
0:10
nightmares to set yourself free. We're going to be exploring this
0:14
topic with guys that was in Leavenworth with and others who
0:17
survived their own nightmare. These stories can be inspiring,
0:21
sometimes sad, there's some humor, but hopefully you can
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come away with a nugget of something that'll help you knock
0:28
down some of the prisons you built up in your own mind.
0:33
All right, welcome back. I'm our success in that.
0:35
Listeners, this is where you come from.
0:36
What happens when your worst fear becomes reality?
0:38
How do you adapt, survive, overcome?
0:40
Set yourself free, folks, Don't forget.
0:44
Don't forget to follow, subscribe, share this thing out,
0:47
like it up. Comment really helps the show
0:49
and I appreciate it So who are we talking to today?
0:53
Well, we're talking to Kristen Johnson and I want to give a
0:56
shout out just I was just talking to Kristen about this
0:59
Noah Asher connected us and Noah is a super cool guy he's got an
1:04
inside out podcast and he's always doing great stuff in the
1:08
re entry world, just like Kristen does.
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But it was a great connection. I appreciate it.
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So Kristen, what does Kristen do?
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Well, Kristen has one of those. You know, I know a lot of people
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love comeback stories. And her story is, is, you know,
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she's it's an experience of addiction.
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It's an experience of incarceration or recovery.
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But a lot of people go through that and they don't do anything
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with it. And Kristen has just become
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engulfed into helping people. And and when I say she's helping
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people, it's not like, oh, it would be nice to see somebody,
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you know, get help when they get out.
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She actually goes and helps people when they get out for
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things that they really need, like just basic things.
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I came across something she was helping somebody get, you know,
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just their toiletries and different things just just just
2:00
to get started. But she's the re entry
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coordinator at Graham County Substance Abuse.
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And she's got a really popular newsletter that's called The
2:09
Light. And it goes into prisons and
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recovery centers and rehabs at all these different places.
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And it's it's it's something that people get a lot out of and
2:19
just a really cool thing. Kristen's super cool.
2:22
And I can't wait to jump into all that.
2:24
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2:58
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3:03
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Check it out. Hello, Kristen Johnson, How are
3:47
you? Good morning.
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I'm doing well. So yeah, we were just talking
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about the time zone things which I always get messed up.
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Kristen's in Arizona, I'm in Saint Louis.
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And I'm always thinking going backwards, forwards and we, we
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connected, which is great. We got here at the right time
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and it's all good. So Kristen, I, I think you know,
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your story is, is one of those where when you deal with what
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you went through as, as finding, you know, yourself after
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addiction, I, I, it takes so much.
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I think, you know, courage, resilience, just the ability
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just to grid it out. But can you take us back a
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little bit so we can kind of find Kristen growing up, family,
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those things, just to find out where you were before all this
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other stuff happened? So I'm born 1973, dating myself,
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but I'm born into this really good family, religious.
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I've never witnessed any abuse in my home or I never heard my
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dad yell at my mom, no alcohol. My dad walked through the door
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every day at 4:00 all of my life, like clockwork, he walked
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in at 1:30 for lunch. He walked in at 4:00.
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And then at 4, it became us. There ended.
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There was six of us and we were 20 years apart.
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And some of us, I was raised really well, instilled some
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great values in me. But my whole life I was, I
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didn't know what it was and I had nothing to compare it to,
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but I was just super speed up, like super fast.
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I was in the gifted program. My mind was just always working
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1,000,000 miles an hour. And I would just read book after
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book and I would bring home a violin, I would bring home a
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guitar. I would join the band and my
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parents would make a way to let me do that.
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I wanted to do dance. They're like, do you not ever
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get tired? But it was no.
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And and they're very supportive and I just always I never felt
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like I didn't belong any of that.
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I just always have this buzz and I never had anything to compare
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it to. So in high school I really
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didn't. I'm really good at sports.
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I make really good grades. And I've told people before I
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that this sounds ridiculous, but everything just really came kind
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of easy to me growing up like gifted I had got God gave me a
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lot of gifts and I ended up not not using them right.
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So I get out of high school. I were.
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You close to all these, these brothers and sisters.
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That you Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
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I mean, I have one sister that's four years older than me that
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we, we used to fight quite a bit because we're taking each
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other's clothes and I'm taking her nail Polish, stuff like
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that. We're a very tight knit family.
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And so I, I get out of high school and I start partying a
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little bit, meet a guy. Well, I start partying a lot,
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drinking, meet a guy in a bar. I love him, you know, get
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married to him. I have no idea he has a drug
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problem because I don't know about drugs at that point.
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I know I'm drinking a lot at. This time, Kristen, you're just
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out of high school. Yeah, I'm just out of high
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school. I'm like when he want, I just
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started being able to go to the bar and I meet him pretty much
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right after that. I have no idea.
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He has a drug problem because I don't know what it looks like.
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I do know in the night I would he would, I would roll over and
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his eyes would be open and I'm like, dude, do you ever sleep
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now? The problem being though my
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parents and everybody else is aware he had he has a drug
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problem, but I'm not going to listen.
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So I end up starting to do meth with him because yeah, I love
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him and but when I got pregnant I stopped and I got a.
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Question about that though. When you're when you're like,
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you were talking about Kristen, like you, you feel speed up when
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you take methods that speed you up, mortars that calm you down.
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It's hard to say, like it just had different effects on me
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actually, because I and I do have ADHD.
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People say a stimulant would slow me down, which it would.
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I I wouldn't talk, I'd be quiet, but it would just that internal,
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the internal I would just be. I felt like I had AI was plugged
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into a guitar. Am.
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You know, I just was like, yeah. That's a good.
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That's all I can compare it to. And so, so I get, I get pregnant
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and I stop. He gets in a lot of trouble.
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So we we moved to a new city and he gets sober for like 3 or 4
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years. We have another baby.
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Somehow we're running a business.
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He went to Phoenix one time and somehow got hooked back up with
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somebody and he's just off and running and he's just doing
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crazy stuff and he gets in trouble again.
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The law's after him. So I'm trying to take care of
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these two kids by myself and he he goes to jail and when he gets
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out, he's just crazy. He's really crazy.
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What are your? Parents saying this whole time,
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because you've had this normal childhood, you get into this
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marriage and then everything's like crazy land.
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Did they did they try to talk to you about this or they try to
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bring you away from it, or, or were you just so locked in?
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Well, so for three or four years, he was sober and we're
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doing great. My mom and and I live five hours
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away from them. They didn't want me to go.
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But then, you know, we're having birthday parties.
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They're coming. My sister and brother.
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My yeah, my sister and brother-in-law, my little
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brother and him become best friends.
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And when he fell off like that, I just didn't even tell my
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parents. I I didn't tell him.
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And he got out of jail. He was very paranoid.
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And at that time I had sent my oldest daughter for a couple
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weeks to my parents, like just them not knowing still.
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And he came and he took the doors off.
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He's like in a mess psychosis. He's got this knife.
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He's being really crazy. So I finally find a phone cord
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and plug it in and I call my dad and I said I got to get out of
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here. And then David cuts the phone
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cord. So he ends up falling asleep.
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I take my daughter drive to my parents.
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I have like $11.00, no shoes, no clothes.
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We're just going for it. I get there and it's like 2 days
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and he calls me and he said I'm coming, I'm going to come down
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there and my dad's like don't come down here, David.
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He's calling every 10 minutes. And then we just quit hearing
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from him. So a few days later DPS called
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me and they said and Misses Bland, that was my last name.
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Your vehicle's been involved in a high speed chase.
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But we lost it. Well, like a few months, a few
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months later, maybe six months later, you know, I'm just trying
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to go on. We don't ever hear from David
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again. My dad reads something in the
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paper that says skull of man, approximately 29 years old,
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right where he was missing. So I called DPS.
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At this point, he's he. When they finally recover him,
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he's missing 18 months. So, you know, once they find
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him, I really go off the deep end instead of sends me right
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back into addiction. Or maybe I made the choice
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consciously, you know, got in trouble, went to jail, my
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parents and at this time my dad could call the sheriff, this is
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a long time ago and be like, come pick her up and good old
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boys. And he would and sling me in
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jail for a few days. And the the last time I got out,
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my dad said you're not, you're not having your kids.
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And finally he let me have my kids.
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Few days later, CPS shows up at my door and they said we've
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already talked to your daughter at school, we want to come in
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your house. I was so mad that they talked to
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my daughter and of course my house is clean, there's food,
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all that. Come to find out it was my dad
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trying to scare me and he did. At that point I was like, I am
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no one is ever going to talk to my kids.
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And I think those core values that were instilled in me.
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So I started to straighten up and started to get sober.
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Didn't last but I did start to so.
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The and the and the situation. So did you get a divorce?
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Well, I didn't get a divorce because when they recovered his,
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they recovered his body. He was missing for 18.
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He died. He died.
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After 18 months. Right.
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Very traumatic. Well, he after 18 months.
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Yeah, and very traumatic. But I was very mad at him.
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And it was just. So I consciously chose when I'd
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been doing so good where he was gone.
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I mean, I've been faking it. I already knew in my heart he
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was gone. I just choose to go off the deep
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end and I get with another guy that's even worse with him
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because that's one of the things is I choose these guys that
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artists, not good guys. I don't know if it's the appeal
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of being a bad guy or and this one's even worse and he's a good
12:20
person, but but he's even worse. Right.
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Just a bad guy. Yeah.
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So. So what was the next thing that
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happened in your life with this whole thing?
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So the next thing is he and I get busted.
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He has me bailed out. So he he gets busted when I
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meth, they raid my house. My dad's driving by.
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He's like, what is happening? I kind of knew that was going to
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happen. So I, I just had this feeling my
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kids were at my parents' house and the police here know my dad
12:50
really well and they made sure I, they made sure my kids
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weren't home. This is a small town.
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It's not like that anymore. And so I go to jail and this guy
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is a trustee in there. He's in there for child support.
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I go to jail and I know him kind of my boyfriend never gets out.
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And he said he told the Sergeant that day I'm going to marry this
13:11
girl. You know, so this guy gets out
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and he's actually a really good guy.
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But this guy gets out and all of a sudden he starts showing up at
13:18
my house. He had been a federal
13:19
corrections officer and he just wouldn't go away.
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And it was like 6 months later and I go back to jail and he's
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he's wanting to be with me. So I call him and I'm like, hey,
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this is when there was pay phones in jail.
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You come pick me up. I'm going to get clean.
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I need $500. He comes and picks me up and
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that's my husband. That's my husband.
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Now I straighten up. Wow.
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OK, so I know that there's a whole thing that happens here
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because I listen to the The Family Branch podcast with your
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brother. What time period of it in your
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life was it when you were looking at five years and then
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an additional 7 years? How did all that come?
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How did that nightmare happen? So you you know, I'm I'm, I say
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I'm sober for 1517 years, but I'm really not in time.
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By the way, Kristen, I mean. That's that's.
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A really long time for somebody who's in recovery.
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Yes, but I just made that conscious decision.
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My husband raised my kids. My kids were little like his
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only got married. He's not he doesn't do drugs and
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he's just really supportive and and you know, again, my core, my
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core believes my core values that my parents instilled in me.
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I know this isn't right, you know, and I want to take care of
14:35
my kids, but I had a really, I always have debilitating neck
14:40
pain and I found this doctor that would prescribe me pain
14:43
pills that's prescribed me Valium and I knew I was
14:46
addicted. I have a well, I did have a
14:50
really bad neck of spinal stenosis and it was like
14:53
debilitating, you know, and this doctor prescribes me pain pills
14:57
and soma but I can't take it. So it gives me Valium and I
15:01
obviously develop an addiction, but it's legal.
15:04
So but I'm counting pain pills and, and I'm know I'm running
15:07
around now. Pain pills really speed me up.
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Alcohol really speeds me up. So I, I don't drink much, maybe
15:14
here and there. We go to the casino once in a
15:17
while and have some drinks. When my kids got older, I
15:20
started my mental health release and, and it was to do with the
15:23
pain pills, like my 40s, my late 30s and my mental health is just
15:28
declining. And I'm, I'm telling my husband
15:30
all the time, I'm going to lose my stuff.
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I'm going to lose my stuff. And he's like, you're always
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saying that. What does that look like?
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And then the marriage starts suffering.
15:38
Nobody's cheating. I'm crazy on pain pills.
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But we literally stopped talking.
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You know, he doesn't talk to me. I don't talk to him.
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He doesn't go to my parents with me.
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He doesn't go to weddings with me.
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I don't care. So I, I, I just start really
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suffering. Let me tell you what happened.
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This is the craziest thing and I will never be able to explain
15:58
it. I'm the manager of this
16:00
business. I'm two businesses.
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I'm doing really well. I walk in the back of my
16:05
business one day of the business one day there's a lot of truck
16:08
drivers coming through. There's this little seal on the
16:11
ground and it's this bag of meth and I obviously know what it is.
16:14
I pick it up to take it and flush it down the toilet.
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That's not what happens. I go in the bathroom after all
16:20
these years and I snort it like if my mom watches this, she
16:24
already knows and, and I'm just off and running.
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So I I do that for like a year and my husband has no idea and
16:32
we're still not speaking. We're still not.
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So I start, I'm really feeling separated from him and I really
16:42
make some bad decisions. I start talking to somebody on
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Facebook. This is public knowledge, so I'm
16:46
not embarrassed to say it. I mean I'm not happy that it
16:49
happened. I just walked in one day I just
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walked into my job got all my stuff quit.
16:55
This is I have a good job, especially at that time kick my
17:00
husband out we well he's like I'm leaving 9 days later I move
17:04
with this guy, which turns out to be a terrible decision of not
17:08
a good guy again to California because I'm going to grow weed
17:10
and make make wax. Here I am in my late 30s.
17:13
My kids were. Grown like you on Facebook that
17:15
you got to high school with or something?
17:17
Or was it totally OK all? Right.
17:18
Yes, yes. And he's saying all the right
17:21
things and my husband's this and that, and I'm not putting it on
17:25
him because I'm an adult. I know better.
17:27
But I do this thing like every 10 years where I completely
17:31
burned my life down. My husband's seen it several
17:34
times. It's very strange.
17:37
So you self sabotage things that happen.
17:40
So you go to California with this guy.
17:44
So what happens there? Because.
17:46
You're so I want to Yeah. And so I'm smoking weed, doing
17:52
dabs. I've never done that before.
17:53
And. And he's kind of a hippie.
17:55
Kids are with. Your parents.
17:58
My kids are grown our. Kids are grown.
18:00
Yeah, I'm in my late 30s at this time, very, maybe 40.
18:05
Yeah, my kids are grown, so I'm doing that.
18:08
And then I want to get off pain pills, so I stop and that's
18:10
fine. I want to stop taking Valium
18:12
because I'm going to be all natural now and and like have my
18:16
pain be off weed and I have terrible withdrawals from
18:21
Valium. I don't know.
18:22
You can't just quit taking benzos.
18:24
I horrible withdrawals and then it would kind of go away then it
18:27
would come back. He's an alcoholic and he had not
18:30
been drinking for a while, but it was kind of his in he's like
18:33
if you just take a couple shots of vodka and I told him I will
18:36
become an alpha. I can't do that.
18:38
Well within about two months, I'm a raging alcoholic.
18:42
No more pain pills. None of that and I just have
18:44
been crazier. Vodka.
18:47
And and he's, he's very abusive, but when I say he's, he's very
18:51
abusive, I don't want to just the count the fact that so am I
18:54
like we're going to box, you know what I mean?
18:58
Just ridiculous. He's a big guy.
18:59
And and I'm not saying I didn't 'cause it a lot and I've never
19:02
been in that kind of relationship, but alcohol
19:05
obviously makes me crazy Throughout my life.
19:07
I've drank here and there, obviously my early 20s,
19:11
sometimes I would drink some wine.
19:13
It would be months before I, I started drinking in 2015.
19:17
By 2017, I was going to, to prison.
19:20
I burnt my whole life down over alcohol and mental health, but I
19:25
literally destroyed my whole life and I'm a, I'm a disaster
19:31
of my own making. You know, my choices are always
19:35
very calculated. Like I know this is going to be
19:38
a bad guy, but I'm an I love him and I don't care what people are
19:41
going to say. And took off, left my husband.
19:44
My husband's devastated. So what is the charges that you
19:50
get to where you're in a situation to where you're
19:53
looking at the possibility of 12 years?
19:56
So I, I leave this guy, I end up moving to Sierra Vista because I
20:02
have an uncle there. I have a friend I've known for a
20:03
while, and I know she's a train wreck too.
20:06
I've had her for my whole life, actually.
20:07
I know she's a train wreck, but my dad's willing to do anything
20:11
to help me at this point. I haven't really talked to my
20:13
family in years. A couple years my brother and
20:16
sister would try to reach out and they would just make me mad
20:18
because I'm an alcoholic and everything's someone else's
20:20
fault. And my daughters, you know,
20:24
would. Tell me sometimes like they try
20:26
to be with there for me as much as they could, but I would call
20:29
my daughter here I go from the soccer mom and this business
20:32
person. I'd be like, I'm out by the
20:34
mountain. I have no shoes on.
20:36
I'm walking. Can you come pick me up?
20:38
And finally, my youngest daughter was like, mom, I'll do
20:40
it this time. I have a family, I have a
20:42
husband, so I'm a nuisance at this point.
20:45
My daughter is the manager at Dollar General and I'm walking
20:50
in there barefoot to purchase wine in the town I grew up with
20:53
in my fall from grace was very public and fast.
20:58
And finally she was like, mom, stop coming in here like you're
21:00
embarrassing. You know she didn't say that.
21:02
But on the other hand too, I'm very sick and I need alcohol and
21:07
my oldest daughter was scared to see me that sick she was afraid
21:10
of. So she would go buy me alcohol,
21:12
not enabling me like trying to save me.
21:15
She has no idea what to do. She's having to take care of me
21:17
in the first time of her life. She's like, mom, brush your
21:20
hair. I'm losing my house, I lose my
21:23
car. So my dad, I get in a wreck,
21:27
mess up my car. So my dad, I go to Sierra Vista
21:31
and he thinks I'm doing good and I'm going to these meetings.
21:34
And I would and I would show up drunk, but I ran into somebody I
21:39
knew from a long time ago. I'm drinking all the time.
21:43
I revert back to what I was doing.
21:44
I have some money, guys in the town I get hooked up with like
21:49
the gangsters. The the I get hooked up somehow
21:53
with a big drug dealer because I'm, I'm doing drugs well, I'm a
21:56
woman, I'm attractive, I have a vehicle.
22:00
So immediately he just starts giving me large amounts of meth,
22:02
you know, a large amounts. And I'm running around Sierra
22:05
Vista with meth on me always drinking and I have no idea
22:11
really that I'm on the cops radar and I don't know why.
22:13
But in the midst of this, my nephew shows up in Sierra Vista
22:18
and he's really struggling. He is on meth.
22:23
He's having mental health problems.
22:24
He was in the military. He's there with me for a couple
22:27
nights and, and I'm just like trying to stay up with him.
22:31
He's really struggling. I got sick and I fell asleep one
22:34
night and when I woke up in the morning, I asked my friend.
22:37
I said, where's Bradley at? And he said he took off with
22:39
somebody last night. So I was like, why did you let
22:42
him leave? Because he was in such a bad
22:44
state. Well, he had taken off with
22:45
somebody and they had done meth and he he can't do it.
22:49
And so I finally called my sister.
22:51
She doesn't answer. I call my dad and I said, dad, I
22:56
don't Brad doesn't want Kim to know where he's at, but he's
22:58
going to die. Like I can't find him.
23:01
And I tell my sister. I leave my sister a message.
23:05
I'm like, he's been with me but I don't know where he is.
23:07
So I call my niece and she said turn on the news.
23:12
So I turn on the news and he's going out by Black Canyon City
23:16
and he's running from the cops. He got in a wreck and somebody
23:20
on the scanner heard it and called my sister.
23:22
That's how they knew. And he's running from the cops
23:25
and, and there's a helicopter and he's saying he's a vet, he's
23:29
suicidal probably. He's not, He's not a harm to
23:31
anybody. Just wait till he runs out of
23:33
gas. Just, you know, Brad's going
23:35
kind of slow. Pretty soon there's all these
23:37
DPS behind him and they're telling him like back off, back
23:39
off. All of a sudden the news cuts
23:41
out. Well, all of a sudden they throw
23:43
the the spikes out, he goes off a Cliff, he dies.
23:47
So I have no idea. I had had a younger brother also
23:52
20 years before, a few years before got in a drunk driving
23:55
accident. My best friend's driving.
23:57
We were very close, very traumatic.
23:59
Again, I use that as a reason to go in.
24:02
But Brad dying, he's like my son.
24:06
I just recently discovered that your nieces and nephews have, I
24:09
didn't know this 25 to 30% of your DNA.
24:11
Sometimes you share that DNA. And because I'm always so
24:15
connected, I'm like, that makes sense.
24:16
Like that makes a lot more sense.
24:19
So that's devastating. I have, I pick up all these
24:23
drugs because I'm going to go take him to this guy.
24:26
And so I'm running around with all these drugs.
24:28
I'm totally traumatized by my nephew.
24:30
I drive to Phoenix with all these drugs at his at his
24:34
funeral. My older brother's an alcoholic
24:36
too. I'm like, we got to get out of
24:37
here. I'm so sick.
24:38
So we do we go get some alcohol. I end up driving back to Sierra
24:41
Vista. I still have all these drugs on
24:44
me. At this point.
24:45
I have a weapon because I'm having an issue with a couple
24:47
guys in town. You know they're going to shoot
24:49
me. Probably not.
24:51
I'm going to shoot them. Probably not.
24:53
But with large amounts of drugs come weapons.
24:56
Like I'm totally out of my realm here.
24:58
But I'm I go to Bisbee and I decide I'm going to go to Sierra
25:03
Vista first. I got to go get my nails done
25:05
and go to Victoria's Secrets in the mall.
25:07
I have no idea that cops are following me all around with all
25:10
these drugs on me. And I told my passenger, I said
25:13
do not have anything on you at all because I'm really riding
25:17
dirty. I have these two shots of vodka
25:19
that I'm not going to drink because I don't want to get a
25:21
DUI. Ridiculous.
25:23
I have guns, I have drugs. And I'm pulling out of the
25:27
parking lot of the mall and I look over and there's a sheriff
25:29
there. And I knew right then I'm like,
25:31
oh, he's going to stop me. So I'm trying to drive really
25:33
careful. And he pulls me over and he's
25:35
like, you know, I pulled you over and you made a wide turn.
25:37
Something ridiculous. I don't know.
25:39
He's like, can you step out of the car?
25:41
And I'm like, OK, I step out and I turn around and there's like 6
25:45
cops, like white trucks. One of them kind of I'm like,
25:48
OK, that guy's been around a lot.
25:51
And I said, is this normal for a traffic stop?
25:54
You know, and, and I see this drug dog go by and they said he
25:57
hit on some weed. We're going to search the car.
25:59
There was no weed in the car, but it's fine.
26:01
So I'm very confident that I'm not going to jail because I have
26:04
my drugs on me. They're like, we have a weapon.
26:06
There's one in the chamber. I'm like, it's registered.
26:09
They said that doesn't matter in Arizona.
26:11
They said there's a meth pipe next to it.
26:13
So when we started getting pulled over, my friend put the
26:16
meth pipe next to the gun. So they don't know where the
26:18
drugs are, but they they know I have them like somebody, thank
26:21
you. By the grace of God, maybe my
26:23
passenger, I don't know. They knew I was coming.
26:25
They knew I had drugs. And so I'm still confident.
26:28
They send a lady to search me. She can't find it.
26:33
They're like, we're taking you to jail and those other things.
26:34
So before I get there, I'm like, well, I'm going to jail.
26:38
So I just hand her, I just reach in my shirt and hand her these
26:42
drugs. And so I don't go to don't get a
26:46
promoting whatever. I think it's going to give me a
26:48
break. And in my mind, I'm like, I had
26:50
every opportunity to throw them and I, that was always my thing.
26:53
I'll never get caught with drugs.
26:54
But when I was in that situation, I didn't even think
26:57
that. And they were right there
26:58
anyways. So I going to the jail, they
27:00
stripped me out. They're not real happy with me.
27:04
I, they stripped me out. I take off, I had three seals
27:08
still in my shirt. So now I got prison commoding
27:11
prison contraband. So now I got all these drug
27:13
paraphernalia charges promoting prison contraband,
27:16
transportation of a dangerous drug for sale because I had, you
27:19
know, a lot of drugs, misconduct involving a weapon.
27:22
And I'm just a smart ass, you know what I mean?
27:24
I'm just in there. I'm going to get bailed out, put
27:28
me in my own cell. And they're like, no one's
27:30
bailing you out. I'm like, oh, yeah, they are.
27:32
I got money. I'm bailing out and they put me
27:34
in the cell and the next morning they open the door and they're
27:36
like how it reeks of alcohol in there.
27:39
So I start getting sick, really sick from withdrawing from
27:41
alcohol. I'm in there about 5 days and
27:44
finally my friends got a hold of a bail bondsman and I had the
27:47
money to bond myself out. Somebody put up a trailer for
27:50
me. So I bond out and on the way
27:53
home I tell my friend, you got to stop a Circle K and she said
27:56
you're already detox like nobody wants to see me drinking.
27:59
And I said, if you don't stop, I'm going to jump out of the car
28:02
because I'm crazy like that. I start drinking again right
28:04
away. Right away I'm facing this and
28:08
immediately I go back to court and then they say we're offering
28:11
you 5 flat. This is down by the border and
28:13
and they're not going to budget when I would get in trouble
28:15
before they'd start with these charges and see him down.
28:18
Not here, not now. Aside from that, they're very
28:21
angry with me. They're like, who is this?
28:23
So there's a lot of male drug dealers, but I'm really making
28:26
myself stand out because I'm just running around and thinking
28:30
bulletproof and they don't know me being a menace.
28:33
And they're like, all right, we got you, you know.
28:36
And so I, I'm just running from those.
28:40
I, I end up going back to. So six months after my nephew
28:45
dies, my older brother is a bad alcoholic and my nephew was
28:49
supposed to meet him and my brother drinks and he gets very
28:51
emotional and he just is on this thing about it's my fault.
28:56
I should have gone and got him. He keeps driving up to the scene
28:59
of the accident and in like me, I think he's partially doing it
29:02
just for an excuse. I'm drinking a lot.
29:05
They're afraid I'm going to die at.
29:08
And so my brother's begging me to get into detox, begging me.
29:12
So I go to detox for five days. I go back to my husband's house.
29:15
My husband's continually rescuing me.
29:17
But then after four or five days he's like, you got to go.
29:20
And I'm like, I got to go because I got to do drugs and
29:23
drink. So six months later, so I go to
29:27
detox. I'm sober for about 30 days.
29:29
My kids were at my house. My nephew and my daughter called
29:34
after she left. And she said, mom, are you
29:36
alone? And I said, I knew immediately
29:38
because I've gotten these calls so much.
29:40
And I said, yeah. And she's like, OK.
29:41
And I said, what is wrong? And she's like, no, just wait
29:43
till Terry gets home. And I was like, no, Presley,
29:46
what's wrong? And she said Uncle Scott died
29:49
and. And I'm very close to him, six
29:52
months after my nephew dies. And I'm just devastated.
29:57
So I go outside and I'm sitting on the porch.
30:00
My husband comes home and he already knew.
30:03
And I looked at him and I said, did he commit suicide?
30:04
And he said no. And I said he said he wouldn't.
30:06
And I said I knew already. So I finally called my parents
30:10
and they said, yeah, he committed suicide.
30:13
And, you know, he has a wife, but the guilt and shame of the
30:17
things he done in his past, I know they really affected him.
30:20
And the last time I had talked to him, he was begging me to get
30:23
into detox and I did. And my sister said, you know, he
30:26
just kept calling. Oh, this makes me emotional
30:29
crying before he died. It just she said, I couldn't
30:31
even understand him. He was just saying Kristen this
30:33
and Kristen that. So again, I'm kind of sober.
30:37
Everybody's worried about me. Like she couldn't go off the
30:39
deep end. She's already going to prison.
30:41
So at his funeral, my dad's a Kristen, I already got two of
30:44
your brothers right there. Got your nephew is buried.
30:47
I'm just, I, I can't have that plot for your grandma 'cause
30:49
that's where you're going to go. And I was like, well, that's
30:52
deep. But a few weeks later, I start
30:57
drinking again. And the guy that I left with to
31:01
Sierra Vista, I mean, to California, he comes by my
31:04
husband's one night and throws a couple shooters because he
31:06
thinks that's going to help me and a pack of cigarettes in the
31:10
yard. So it just gets me going again.
31:12
So the next day and I don't speak about this a lot, but it
31:15
but sometimes when I I feel like it or I feel like it's going to
31:19
serve me someone. So the next morning I get up
31:23
early and we start drinking and I drop him off because in my
31:29
mind, I'm going to go take my grandson to the pool.
31:31
I'm going to meet my mom and I'm drunk, you know, and I hadn't
31:35
drink in a few months. So I'm drunk and I'm really
31:38
drunk. So I'm.
31:39
So I take my husband's 4x4 and we're not really together
31:42
anymore. But again, he just rescues me.
31:45
So I drop him off at the liquor store and he picks up some more
31:50
shooters. So I pick him back up.
31:52
I have my grandson with me immediately when I pick him up.
31:56
I overcorrect and we wreck. We wreck and he's badly hurt.
32:00
My not my grandson, he wouldn't strap in.
32:03
My grandson was strapped in and he's badly hurt.
32:06
And, and I, I am just like, oh God, why would you do this to me
32:11
instead of taking accountability?
32:12
I had a warrant. They took me to jail and I knew
32:16
he was badly hurt. I didn't know if he was alive or
32:18
if he had died. We have a this toxic, horrible
32:21
relationship like we're matching gasoline and so I'm waiting all
32:27
night. I bond out of jail or they just
32:29
let me out because they they draw my blood.
32:31
It's going to be 6 months. I'm sitting in the park in this
32:35
town I grew up with trying to scrounge up $0.50 a dollar to
32:38
get a drink. I finally walked to Circle K and
32:41
call my husband and he's like Kristen, I am not dealing with
32:43
you. My daughter had to come pick up
32:45
her child. Luckily he's not hurt.
32:47
Luckily he's alive. He's still really young at this
32:51
point. And some guy just comes by and
32:54
he's like, you don't look like you belong here.
32:56
And I said I got to get Sierra Vista, Gives me a ride to Sierra
32:58
Vista. I'm off and running again.
33:01
So I'm just doing what I'm doing in Sierra Vista.
33:04
Takes six months. Yeah, takes six months for the
33:07
charges to come back. I'm going to court for my other
33:09
stuff during this time. So when I see the charges are
33:12
filed, it's felony DUI, aggravated assault.
33:18
I did go stay with the guy for like 30 days at the hospital,
33:22
took care of him, but again, we started drinking.
33:24
It was horrible. So I ended up going back to
33:28
Sierra Vista. I'm running, I'm running for
33:31
like maybe a year. I know I have these charges.
33:36
One day I went to court in Sierra Vista and I thought I had
33:39
missed it or something. So I called and I said I'm
33:41
afraid I have a warrant, but I'm going to come.
33:43
I'm going to come in on my scheduled date.
33:46
So they ran a warrant check on me.
33:47
So when I show up to court in Sierra Vista, they pick me up.
33:51
And so I'm in jail there for 30 days until Graham County picks
33:54
me up. And again, I bond out.
33:57
But when I bond out for a little bit, I, I decide I got to quit
34:01
drinking. I'm not going to make it to
34:02
prison because I'm going to cost these people their bonds.
34:05
At this point I'm out on like $75,000 bonds and I'm not really
34:10
talking to my parents. So I go back to Terry's house
34:13
and one day again, I was like, go drop me off at the bar.
34:16
And he was like, OK, whatever, He drops me off at the bar.
34:20
This is after I get out from the accident.
34:23
He drops me off the bar. I get alcohol poisoning.
34:26
I wake up in the in the emergency room in Tucson.
34:28
I asked the guy that took me take me to Sierra Vista and he
34:31
said no. And I said I'll jump out of the
34:32
car. So I'm in Sierra Vista, I'm
34:34
drinking. Everybody kept asking me, will
34:38
you smoke weed? No, because this guy has it set
34:41
up to where I'm going to go to rehab and I can't do that.
34:46
So I finally I'm rolling to my parents and I got these two
34:49
duffel bags at this point, my mom hasn't spoken to me in a
34:51
couple years and my mom sees me coming and she's like, and, and
34:55
I just had nowhere else to go. I showed up at my husband's and
34:57
he was like, you're not coming in here.
35:00
And so I, I, they end up taking me to rehab.
35:03
I, I just want to add really quickly though, my brother's
35:05
trying to get me in rehab this whole time.
35:07
Like you got to get in rehab, you got to get in rehab.
35:09
He said, I know this guy. What he does is keep people out
35:12
of prison. And so his name is Andre Norman.
35:15
I don't know if you know Andre, but he starts talking to me and
35:18
calling me and I asked my brother, how do you know this
35:21
guy always going to help you with your cases?
35:23
And that's what Andre tells me. I, I can help you with your
35:25
cases. And he, he said, why aren't you
35:28
in rehab yet? Oh, I don't have access.
35:30
He, he stayed on the phone with me where I went down there, got
35:33
access. He said, you've got to go to
35:37
rehab. I can't help you unless you do.
35:39
So I go to rehab. I'm going back to court for
35:42
these charges. Well, rehab does nothing for me.
35:45
Maybe possibly on it. No, it helps me like I finally
35:48
am getting it. Well I go sign my plea and I get
35:52
5 flat. I had still got these other
35:54
charges hanging out there. So I call Andre and I'm like,
35:56
listen, you lied but thank you. You saved my life because I got
36:00
a little sober time. And so I go to prison and I'm in
36:04
prison one day they say, Kristen, they but they knock on
36:07
my on my bunk and they say, Kristen roll up.
36:11
And I had had a call with the prosecutor a few days earlier
36:15
and he said, we're going to recommend seven years.
36:17
And I'm like, what? I thought I was going to get
36:18
probation And the same day I found out I have cancer.
36:23
So I'm in prison. Yes, it's horrible.
36:25
So my little brother, the, the amazing brother that he is, I, I
36:30
had no phone privileges. So I'm riding back and forth and
36:32
I'm like, I'm going to lose it. And he said, no, that's not what
36:35
we're going to do. We're going to get you some
36:37
letters and I'm having to wait for letters back and forth.
36:39
We're going to get you some letters We're we're going to be
36:41
positive and he's really trying to speak possibility into me.
36:44
So so that's what I start doing. Me and my friend are walking the
36:46
track. She's telling me best friend for
36:49
for years. You're going to get probation.
36:51
I'm going to get probation. So they roll me up, take me to
36:54
jail. And again, these people are
36:57
really angry with me because I committed a felony on felony
36:59
release. So I go to court my my whole
37:03
family and some of them hadn't speak spoke to me in a long
37:05
time. My whole family's behind me and
37:08
Judge Peterson, which used to be my my lawyer 20 years ago, he
37:12
said, do you mind if I represent if I preside over you?
37:15
And I said no, I wrote this letter and I said, I want to go
37:18
back into institutions. I got active in recovery.
37:20
I want to help people. I've done this and that and all
37:26
he read all. They handed me the character
37:28
letters and it kind of made me remember what I used to be like
37:32
because people would say she coached my daughter in
37:34
basketball. A guy I hadn't seen in years
37:36
wrote a letter and said Kristen's the kind of person
37:39
that wouldn't was very kind to me in school.
37:41
And she wouldn't step over you if you're in the street.
37:43
She would give you a dollar and you, my husband wouldn't come.
37:47
And he's we're not speaking at this point.
37:49
So the judge, I read this and my brother said, can can I say
37:54
something? And he said, yeah.
37:55
And so Chris gets up there and he said there's a quote by
37:59
Viktor Frankel that says what is to give light lesson burning.
38:02
He said, my sister's done some burning.
38:03
He said she absolutely deserves to be in prison, but my sister
38:06
has a light to give other people.
38:08
It makes me very emotional, but my sister has this light to give
38:10
other people And just the whole culmination of things, the
38:13
positivity in the room. The letters judge said, let me
38:16
take a 10 minute recess. He walks out and I'm just
38:19
sitting there. My daughter said she was in the
38:20
back row trying to figure out how old I would be when I got
38:22
out. He walks back and he looks right
38:24
at me. And he said, Kristen, I'm going
38:26
to do something that's going to not not make me popular today,
38:29
but any new in my heart. But I was like, yeah, like
38:31
sentence me to 12 years in prison in front of my family.
38:34
And he said, I believe you. He said that was very well
38:36
written. I think you got a lot of family
38:37
support. He said, But I'm telling you, if
38:40
you get out of prison and you are seen before me again, he
38:42
said, I'm going to give you 15 years at least.
38:45
So I knew I was blessed that day.
38:47
I went back to prison. So you, I mean, so everybody
38:50
understands what happened. He gave you the instead of
38:53
sentencing you to an additional seven years.
38:56
I got five years intense probation.
38:58
Yeah. And people in prison are like,
39:00
why would you take five years? Oh, it's better than 7 in
39:02
prison. Oh yeah, absolutely.
39:07
I want to talk about your prison time and and how you handled
39:11
that while you were in, but I think it's a good time.
39:14
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40:00
Podcast is sponsored by the White Collar Support Group, the
40:03
world's first support group devoted to people navigating the
40:05
white collar. Criminal justice system.
40:07
I'm a member of the White Collar Support Group and I can tell you
40:10
this is a bunch of people who help each other through the
40:12
criminal justice journey for free.
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Whether you're just starting your journey or you've made it
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through to the other side, this is great space where you can
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join us on Zoom Monday, 7:00 PM Eastern Time.
40:21
We're also working on the federal expungement initiative.
40:24
If you want to go to that, go to the Federal Expungement
40:27
initiative.org. Interestingly enough, in the
40:30
federal system, there is no expungement if you have a
40:33
federal crime. There's 44 states that have some
40:37
poor portion of expungement and it's something that I think is
40:42
needed to help people get back started on their second chance
40:46
in life. So Kristen, you get this great
40:50
news that you didn't have 12 years, You're still, you still
40:54
got five years that you're working with.
40:58
How how do you how are you living your life and and what's
41:01
your mindset while you're in prison?
41:04
So I know I'm blessed. I know I'm blessed.
41:06
So I get back to the pod and I call Chris and he said, I said,
41:10
Can you believe that? He's like, no, it's crazy.
41:12
It's amazing. And you know, I have my sister
41:14
there. She's been very supportive.
41:16
When I got out of rehab, right before I went to prison, I had
41:19
five weeks and she, she picked me up and she took care of me.
41:23
She's taking care of me my whole life.
41:24
She's 10 years older than me, my best friend.
41:26
She still takes care of me and my brother just wouldn't let me
41:33
get. Incredibly supportive family and
41:34
you guys have lived through so much trauma.
41:37
Well, what happened at my older brother's funeral is my brother
41:40
Chris got up and spoke and he said I am not going to lose
41:45
another sibling. I'm going to show up for them.
41:48
I am not going to. And he stuck to that.
41:50
And, and after losing our two brothers and we all are so tight
41:54
knit for the most part, I have to say my sister and my brother
41:59
and my dad, they're the reason I made it through.
42:02
They came and saw me in rehab, they came and saw me in prison.
42:06
But I'm just, I'm on this pink cloud and I never get off of it.
42:10
COVID comes that's horrible. And I, I am doing meetings in
42:16
the in the break room and I'm just really positive.
42:19
And my brother's speaking possibility into me all the
42:23
time. And my mindset just changed.
42:25
My brother and sister have a huge a huge to do with that.
42:29
My brother really is the reason my whole life turned around
42:34
because he poured into me like this guy is amazing and just the
42:37
support of my sister all the time and my dad too.
42:41
And so COVID hard. I I end up getting back to a
42:45
working yard. I have a program called the way
42:48
out that somebody created that we walked ladies through the
42:50
steps. I I'm working off site.
42:54
My time's going good. My family's, my dad's still a
42:57
little worried like I can't go through another one of Kristen's
43:00
thing because he's getting older.
43:01
And I prayed every day. Please let my parents live till
43:04
I get out. So my brother and sister are at
43:07
the gate when I go in. Basically they're at the gate
43:09
when I get out, right? That quote, What is to give
43:12
light must endure burning just stuck with me.
43:14
My brother ended up sending me the book Man Search for Meaning
43:18
by Viktor Frankel and a book called obstacle is a way yes,
43:23
and and it's about stoicism and stuff like that and the I'm
43:27
allowing these things really to change my mind and I'm I'm only
43:29
speaking possibility. I'm when right before I leave,
43:33
there's girls that have been really active with mean recovery
43:36
that I had sponsored and I'm going to the second chance
43:39
program and before I get ready to leave, I go tell them all.
43:42
Can I get your number? Because I want to send you this
43:44
newsletter I'm going to make. And in women's prison, you can't
43:47
have anybody else's numbers. It's not like men's.
43:50
And so I wrote that I was starting this class and they
43:52
were like, you're leaving soon. And I said, just give me your
43:55
number. And I doubt they believed me.
43:58
You know, you don't believe what people say because people get
44:00
out and they don't do anything. So I get over to the Second
44:03
Chance program and I'm about to leave and I finally have a
44:08
computer. We get access and I e-mail the
44:11
director of the Subsidies Coalition here.
44:12
I've known her for a long time, but I said, hey, I know there's
44:15
no strong re entry program there.
44:17
I want to help, I want to be of service, I want to volunteer.
44:21
And she said OK, I'm look forward to when you get out.
44:24
Within a week she was sitting in my living room and I'm still
44:27
totally. I've done 18 months in county
44:29
jail. I've done three months in rehab
44:31
and then I did 5 flat in prison and I'm really weird and really
44:35
a lot of adrenaline. And she said what can I do to
44:38
help you? And I said I have two short term
44:40
goals and 1 is I started this newsletter, my brother helped me
44:43
make it. This newsletter is very basic at
44:45
this point. And then I said I want to get my
44:48
peer support specialist, my license can come later.
44:51
I'm scared to drive. And so I showed her the
44:53
newsletter and she's like, this is really good.
44:55
She said let me take it and run it by the steps abuse coalition
44:57
and see what they say. And they were all for it.
45:01
A few day mornings later, I walk out on my porch and it's sitting
45:04
there printed in color in my porch.
45:05
She dropped it off and so about that.
45:08
Newsletter Like what? What do you what do you put?
45:12
What all goes into your newsletter?
45:14
So my first one I was really, really nervous about because you
45:17
can't send stuff back in when you're on parole.
45:20
All that's changed. So I write a little letter on
45:23
the front. I don't, I, I, I don't say
45:25
exactly who it's from One of my friends that I was in prison
45:28
with, I tell her success story. Oh, I just, I put some quotes
45:33
and some big book stuff in there.
45:35
It's very basic. The first one, I start sending
45:38
it in and I send it to some guys in Phoenix West and I start
45:42
getting letters right away. And at this point it's been,
45:46
I've been out two weeks and I decide to go, I want to go to a
45:49
substance abuse coalition meeting.
45:50
So I do and I'm still really very weird and I'm sitting over
45:54
there and I'm sure there's a lot of people like who is this wound
45:57
up lady that just got out of prison?
45:58
Everybody knows what happened with me, and I'm very open about
46:01
it. And Kathy's asking me to tell
46:03
him. And I have this newsletter and
46:05
I've been out for two weeks. But I'm sitting over there and I
46:08
see Judge Peterson walk by the window.
46:10
And I'm like, well, this is crazy.
46:11
So I want to talk to him so bad. And I walk up to him after the
46:15
meeting and I said, Judge Peterson, I know you don't
46:17
recognize me out out of stripes. And he's like, Christian, you
46:21
look really good, but do not go back to prison.
46:24
And I said, I won't. And he said, I hope you're going
46:26
to stick to what you told me that day.
46:27
He remembers everything. And I said I am.
46:31
So time goes by and I start keep volunteering.
46:36
Pretty soon the re entry coordinator position comes over.
46:39
I'm I'm doing that. Pretty soon the judge, the
46:43
prosecutor, the sheriff want to start this program with Graham
46:46
County Subsidies Coalition to help people with minor drug and
46:50
paraphernalia charges. If they get out, they can come
46:53
to this program, work with retrial services, they'll set
46:56
their charges out. I'm doing part of this on
46:58
parole. I'm doing all of this on intense
47:00
probation. And the judge just believed in
47:04
me. He's a, he's a very progressive.
47:06
And so we start this program. I sit on Wellness court,
47:10
recovery court. I so when I go to recovery
47:13
court, I don't sit up with probation and don't sit on in
47:16
the staffing because I want to sit back with the people in my
47:18
program. I want them to feel like they
47:21
can't get in trouble by me. So we start this program and it
47:24
just it's amazing. It's just very successful.
47:28
And and there is some people like why would you let this girl
47:32
that's been out of prison for one year?
47:34
When we opened the the re entry center up here, we got a
47:38
building donated, we got a grant.
47:39
We fixed it up really well. I spoke the judge spoke
47:43
prosecutor spoke jail commander, which I've been in jail, his
47:46
jail, the sheriff literally in my life done.
47:50
He's probably kicked in my door 4 times.
47:52
He used to be an undercover, but he's known me my whole life and
47:54
he's a very good guy. Part of.
47:55
This whole group of people that have.
47:57
Been part of your life? Yes.
47:58
It's wild. So I get up, we, you know,
48:01
they're ready to cut the ribbons and we're walking up there and
48:04
they hand me the scissors and I'm like, wait, what?
48:06
And I'm like, who's cutting this?
48:09
And they're like, you are? And so there's a picture of me
48:11
cutting it. I got the judge on one side of
48:13
me. I got the sheriff on the other
48:15
side of me. And T JS down there, Kathy's
48:17
down there. They gave the scissors to the
48:19
guy that donated the building. And, you know, people are
48:22
wanting to interview me for the newspaper.
48:24
And it's just really wild. And and I'm bewildered by what's
48:27
happening, you know, and I just really get into this sunrise
48:34
program. I'm getting people from jail.
48:36
We're we're posting about it on social media.
48:39
It's very successful people. I go to court, I have people
48:42
start showing up off the street, like, can we come too?
48:45
Absolutely, I asked the judge. Can other people come too?
48:48
Yes. I want to help as many people as
48:49
possible. So now it's turned into this
48:52
huge Sunrise program, and it's just really amazing.
48:56
So how long has all this been going on?
48:58
Since. You.
49:00
Guys, so the summer. So in a few months I'll be in
49:03
October, I'll be out two years. So the sunrise program started
49:06
last July before I'd even been out a year.
49:09
And I'm just going to throw this out there.
49:12
I'm still on intense probation. Yeah, yeah.
49:16
And, and let's go back into like your family and stuff.
49:18
So your husband, you guys are still together?
49:22
So when I go to county jail, I have no phone privileges or
49:26
anything in prisons still and he hasn't even applied.
49:29
So I go to jail and I'm calling it every day.
49:31
And because because we're like at this point, we've been
49:34
together so long and he's seeing me at my wires and I left, but
49:38
he'd still come rescue me all the time.
49:40
And so he we start talking on the phone all the time and then
49:44
they take me back and he told my sister, he said, well, I quit
49:47
hearing from Kristen. One of her boyfriends must be
49:51
supporting her or something in prison.
49:52
And I was like, none of my boyfriends have money.
49:54
My my boyfriends are in jail or, you know, they're losers.
49:57
So I told my sister he's got to apply for visits.
50:01
So he applied for visits and the he would, he started coming
50:05
every weekend And I said, you don't have to come every
50:07
weekend. And he said, I don't want anyone
50:09
to take my spot. This poor man.
50:11
But he did own his part in it. Like I should have not just
50:15
talked to you. I saw you go crazy from for my
50:16
very eyes. I rather just not deal with you
50:18
and let you go crazy. He owned his part of it, which
50:21
he didn't play a big part of it, but our marriage was, I mean,
50:25
some of it. But he started come and see me
50:28
every weekend. We just started kind of working
50:30
through it. One, sometimes when the phones
50:33
get turned off in prison, they're turned off for days.
50:35
So it got turned off on Wednesday.
50:38
It was turned off through the weekend and I'm laying, I'm
50:41
still asleep one morning because I work in the kitchen and they
50:43
come knock on my my bed and they're like, hey, you got a
50:46
visitor. And I'm like, what?
50:47
No one told me they were visiting.
50:49
And I walk in there and he's looks crazy.
50:52
He's like, I haven't been able to get heard from you in days.
50:55
I didn't know something happened to you.
50:56
I didn't know if so, you know, we went a year and a half.
51:00
He's bringing my grandkids, he's bringing my kids to see me where
51:03
we couldn't visit on COVID during COVID for a year and a
51:06
half, but it was kind of OK because we knew we couldn't.
51:09
So I every time I get I run out. I called him every day for five
51:13
years at 5:00, except for on COVID.
51:15
But as soon as I could, I would run out and call him.
51:18
And he, he's just been solid for me.
51:22
He's just been a rock. He's just a really good guy.
51:25
That's great. Right after I got out of prison,
51:28
I went and spoke at the rehab that I had gone in because it
51:33
changed my life. Crossroads Flower did.
51:35
When I got out, they contacted me and they're like, we'd like
51:38
you to come speak at the women's center and I said I want to
51:40
speak at Flower. They said that's a men's
51:43
pretrial release federal. These guys are all going to
51:45
prison. I said I don't care, I want to
51:47
speak there. So I walk in and the guys are
51:49
just kind of looking at me, and I'm like, I'm not a school
51:52
teacher. So first thing is I'm like, you
51:55
guys, I'm just going to show you something.
51:57
So I hope I have a lot of mug shots.
51:59
So I hold up my mug shots, like right here, and they hit the
52:01
ground. And immediately they're like,
52:03
OK, we can talk to this girl. I tell him I just got out of
52:05
prison. Terry's with me, and I'm telling
52:08
the whole story. And at the end, the guy says, do
52:10
you want to ask any questions? And this guy raised his hand and
52:12
he said, yeah, I want to ask Terry a question.
52:15
And Terry's like, OK, my husband's very quiet.
52:18
And he said, my husband's 6 five, £300.
52:20
He's a huge man. And he said, why did you stay
52:24
with her? Why did you support her?
52:25
And my husband said, because I love her, you know, because I
52:27
love her. And all the guys are like, oh,
52:29
clapping for him and, and, and, and that's why he's just solid.
52:36
I got to tell you that it's just, it's, it's an incredible
52:39
story, Kristen, that you survived and lived.
52:42
I mean, that you actually lived, I mean, any one of these, you
52:46
know, junctions, you could have, you know, been gone.
52:51
So Chris, I mean, it's got to feel good doing and giving back
52:56
and, and, and having all this lived experience and then being
52:59
able to share that out to people, getting great feedback
53:04
from this newsletter that you do the light, knowing that it's,
53:08
it's peer-to-peer. I mean, you're making
53:10
connections with these people and they're feeding it back to
53:12
you that it helps them with all this that you've gone through.
53:16
What would you say is your biggest take away through all of
53:19
it? Not anything is possible that
53:22
the worst wounded soul, the worst drug addict, the worst
53:25
alcoholic, you know, I was highly disfavored by society.
53:29
But, but the biggest take away is what you speak is what you
53:33
create. I have always said the whole
53:35
time I was in prison, I'm going to get out.
53:37
I'm going to go back into prison.
53:38
They said, oh, you have to wait two years and guess what?
53:41
I was in there on parole. I am in prison at least one day
53:45
a week and I recently started going in one of the girls I was
53:48
in prison with because I. I, I had a five year sentence
53:51
and I haven't been back in what? What?
53:54
It's amazing. It was really amazing at first
53:57
because a lot of girls I did time with and you know how
53:59
inspiring that is to them. And people are like, isn't it
54:01
surreal walking back in and unfortunately it's like going
54:04
home. It's like home to me.
54:05
What's really amazing though, is the director of the Second
54:08
Chance program, the 2 ladies that taught me in there, the I,
54:12
I, I was in prison under Bland because I'd never changed my
54:15
last name legally. So when I'm going to go back
54:18
into the Second Chance program, I'm under Kristen Johnson.
54:20
So when I walk in and they realize who I am, everybody's
54:24
crying and it's very emotional. And I got to take a picture of
54:28
them. I was standing in the middle
54:29
with them on the side of me in, in plainclothes.
54:31
And I have a picture of me and orange when I graduated in
54:34
plainclothes. I mean, they're in regular
54:36
clothes. I, I now I go back in, I go
54:41
speak at men's second chance programs.
54:44
But my friend Kristen, her name's Kristen Klein.
54:46
I was in prison with her. I saw her one day on social
54:49
media and I'm like Kristen's Kristen and she's doing this
54:52
amazing thing called convicted comeback and she wants to go
54:54
teach in the prisons and she's a fitness and do these programs
54:59
with them. And I'm just pouring into her.
55:01
She's pouring into me. Well, she's she started a
55:03
program. She goes in once a week and
55:05
teaches the older ladies and the younger ladies.
55:08
She's a so she starts this thing called the freedom tour and she
55:12
invites me to go. We're going to go to every yard
55:14
on the prison. We're going to go to close
55:16
custody. And in my mind I I convicted.
55:20
Comeback too. Convicted comeback, so it's her
55:23
and her wife. I was in prison with both of
55:24
them. So the day we go, the first day
55:26
we go, it's just like 4 felons, a couple of other ladies and
55:30
it's crazy. We're walking yard to yard.
55:33
She's badged. Now we're pouring into these
55:35
ladies. But I got to meet with the
55:37
ladies on close custody, the ladies that are never getting
55:39
out. The ladies are getting out in
55:39
2040. And I told them, I said, hey,
55:43
let me get your numbers. I'm going to send you this
55:44
newsletter again. You know, they're like sure,
55:47
they get out one hour a day, 2 hours a day.
55:49
The first thing I did when I got back, I wrote them all a letter
55:53
and I send my newsletter and I said it's going to go in Monday.
55:56
Thursday my phone rings and it's a parigal number.
55:59
So I just answer it. I had given them my number.
56:01
And she's like Kristen, this is dopey and and she's she's doing
56:05
a 40 year sentence and I think she's doing she's getting out in
56:09
2040. She said, I got the newsletter
56:11
and she said she's in tears, you know, and she's a real gangster.
56:13
She said thank you, we appreciate it.
56:16
And so we're going to go back in next week.
56:19
So next week me and Chris are going to speak at A at a
56:21
graduation and then we're getting to go back and see those
56:24
girls. And I think I love the
56:28
newsletter and it's been amazing.
56:29
But being able to last week I went and spoke to, I got to
56:32
spend all day with the guys at Safford Prison.
56:35
And again, one of them asked me, are you the Co 3?
56:38
And I said no, but I can tell you anything you want to know
56:40
about I'm a judge, I'm a lawyer. I could be a CO3 and I go in
56:45
there. I was able to take some raffles
56:46
for them to give away, but I get to speak, sit in on their
56:48
parenting classes. They want to make me lunch.
56:52
I'm like, I will not eat ramen. I will not eat tuna.
56:54
They they think it's funny though.
56:55
They want me to eat a lunch sack and I'm like, I draw the line
56:58
there. So it was my goal to take in
57:02
some more holistic, holistic recovery in there.
57:06
So I get to talk to people at the prison.
57:07
I start talking to people at the upper prison.
57:09
I'm saying I'm going to do this like I'm not going to settle for
57:12
anything less. Well, guess what?
57:14
I'm going to be taking with my friend bowls in there.
57:17
And I got to stand up in this cool old church and guys here
57:21
I'm talking and I'm telling my story and there's this guy's
57:23
pouring in. I got to take pictures with him.
57:25
I got to put him on social media.
57:27
And I'm sure people think some people think like what is wrong
57:30
with this girl? But it is.
57:32
It's what I said I was going to do.
57:33
It's what I wanted to do. Well, and I think it's, it's one
57:36
of those things that's your new addiction is, is helping and,
57:40
and, and, and then getting that feedback that you get back is,
57:44
is all that's the new drug, you know, getting, getting all the
57:48
great feedback that you're able to give out.
57:49
I think that's awesome. I just, I think, you know, it's
57:53
so many people, you know, have lived experience, but a lot of
57:57
people don't use their lived experience to really plug in and
58:01
help other people. And you're really doing all
58:02
that, Kristen. And I think it's absolutely
58:05
awesome. Awesome.
58:07
I I feel, I know, I know that I just had a couple people like
58:12
porn to me, my brother, my sister, my dad and I know
58:15
they're my family paying. It forward.
58:17
Yeah, and I was in prison with girls in horrific situations.
58:20
There's not a lot of us that come from big good families and
58:22
get money and all that. I have mothers, sisters,
58:25
daughters, cousins, girls that have never been treated right or
58:30
their parents did drugs with them when they were 11.
58:32
They got, they literally had to be prostitutes.
58:35
And you know, I was just telling my brother he came and spoke to
58:38
my program last night, that these girls, these girls in my
58:43
program that live in the caring hearts, they're the sweetest
58:46
girls. And I love seeing them from when
58:48
they come. We just opened the caring hearts
58:50
from when they come and they're right out of jail and they're
58:53
broken. And even in the last couple of
58:55
months. I was looking at them last
58:56
night. We have an amazing house
58:57
manager. I was looking at them last night
58:59
and their whole countenance. I go into the prisons and work
59:02
with men that want to do my program.
59:04
I work with them for months. Before Jack, I worked with him
59:07
before I got out of prison. He came to sunrise that night.
59:09
He's now the house manager. Patricia came from prison.
59:12
She's now the house manager. I I worked with this guy named
59:15
Cole for for three months. He just got out.
59:19
He's going to do amazing. A guy named Joe I worked with
59:21
for a month, assistant house manager.
59:23
The ones that will actually work with me while they're in prison
59:25
are the ones that succeed. If you won't work on yourself
59:28
while you have nothing to do, you're not going to make it.
59:31
Otherwise, you've wasted the time.
59:33
I'm curious, Kristen, if somebody would like to get your
59:36
newsletter, could they get a hold of you and get your
59:39
newsletter? Yes, I should have give you my
59:42
e-mail address, my e-mail address or we have a there's a
59:46
light sunrise sunrise page. I mean, there's a light Facebook
59:50
page. There's a sunrise program that's
59:54
fun. Probably the best way to contact
59:55
me on the sunrise program. We don't have a website yet, but
59:59
but with social media, it's free and it's man, I've gotten so
1:00:02
many. Let's go.
1:00:03
To Facebook. Yeah, Facebook and it's called
1:00:05
Sunrise Project, Sunrise program and the light.
1:00:09
And if you, I mean, you could search my name, I'm going to
1:00:12
tell you on TikTok, I'm under hashtag sober flower girl.
1:00:16
If you Google hashtag sober flower girl, all that comes up
1:00:21
is me and my programs because that was a that was a thing in
1:00:25
my head. And I don't even know how I knew
1:00:27
to do this. And I've done it for so long.
1:00:29
And the reason I am sober flower girl is because I got sober at
1:00:32
Crossroads Flower, so and people I've walked into things at the
1:00:36
prison like meetings and stuff, and men that work in the prison
1:00:39
have came up and been like sober flower girl.
1:00:41
What's your real name? I'm like Kristen, one of the
1:00:44
guys that's like way up in the prison.
1:00:45
He said, oh, you're sunshine girl.
1:00:47
And I said I'm not sunshine girl.
1:00:48
I have the sunrise program so sometimes they don't know my
1:00:52
real name, but that's OK because they recognize my face with.
1:00:55
Right, you're your own brand. So yeah, check, check it.
1:00:59
Check out Kristen Johnson at Sober flower girl on TikTok.
1:01:02
Go to Facebook and you can you can read her newsletter and it's
1:01:07
also Sunrise, right? Yes, Sunrise.
1:01:09
Sunrise program. Sunrise program and I, I want to
1:01:13
give a shout out to Homestead financial home mortgage here
1:01:16
that lets me use this podcast room and all the fancy lights
1:01:19
and stuff. I appreciate if you, if you've
1:01:21
got home mortgage needs out there, go Greg Aftia who knows
1:01:23
all of his stuff. He will help you out.
1:01:26
If you want to get a book, I've got one.
1:01:29
It's called nightmare, success, loyalty, betrayal, life behind
1:01:31
bars, adapting, finally breaking free.
1:01:35
Leave me a review on Apple. Those those really helped the
1:01:37
show. And if you want to know what I'm
1:01:39
doing, Sprint cassie.com, my website.
1:01:41
I spell it wrong. I spell it with ATY, not a DY as
1:01:45
I used to say when I was writing my emails back and forth from
1:01:49
love and worse. Stay strong.
1:01:50
I'll do the same. Kristen Johnson Wow, wow, wow,
1:01:54
wow. What a story.
1:01:55
I mean, I think you gave away so much today that's going to help
1:01:58
people Just listen to to how you did what you did.
1:02:01
And you're standing tall and your parents and family have to
1:02:04
be so proud that you've you found your.
1:02:06
You found your. Lane Oh yeah.
1:02:08
Found your lane? Yeah, they are awesome.
1:02:12
Good stuff. Nightmare success in and out.