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Healing Takes Time · 4 The Exchange

• Alfred: It's Mr. Big Bite himself, Gofredo, and I got my partners here, Kev, Kobe. What's going on, fellas? How y'all feeling tonight? ItsJayKay: Man, I'm just living, man. Just got off work and shit. I'm ready. I'm ready. Alfred: You hey he said he locked in. What about you, Kev? Kevin: Locked in, man, ready for another good show. Alfred: Hold on, another good one. You do another show besides this one? Kevin: Man, you know I move around, man. Alfred: Hey, hey, hey, Kobe. Hey, he's doing shows we can't talk about on camera. You got it, bro. He got he got. ItsJayKay: Hey look, we have to send him a pink slip. Alfred: He doing shows we can't. He worked behind the scenes. But no, look, hey y'all, check this out, man. Listen. Listen, y'all. This episode Kevin: Ha ha ha Alfred: one. We've been building up for this. We've been sharing. We was flooding. We was doing everything. I'm excited. They're excited. So let's let's not play around. Let's just get right into it. Hey, man, look, Kev. I'm noticing a lot of things going on with like gender wars and everything like that. I don't know where they came from. Relationships not the same. Hey man, real quick, what's your viewpoint on relationships right now in twenty twenty six? Kevin: 2026. Your relationships dating is is crazy right now, bro. Your Alfred: Mm, mm mm mm. Kevin: soul with it's so it's so many things in the way of even trying to find somebody to date. I mean, we you gotta find somebody before we can talk about a relationship, talk about marriage, all that, man. Finding somebody is man, that's a whole other whole other area, man. what you think, Kovey? ItsJayKay: Fi you I agree with you a hundred percent. Finding somebody is hard in this day and age because women don't know what they want, and that's that's hard for all the good men out here. How you feel, Preto? Alfred: Hey, you want me to be honest with you? So I'm with you on that one. I think what it comes down to is like women got a whole lot of categories that comes in what they want with a man. They want a man that's like I didn't come across women that want a gangster. They want their man to be a gangster, intelligent, sweetheart. You know, check all these boxes and whatnot, have $100,000 in their bank account, all this other stuff. Or let me bring it back. what social media perceives this is what women want. These women they have these platforms to talk and you got the level of comments. I'm not gonna say all, but like what it shows from social media and kinda go from there. It just shows that they want a thousand traits and I mean history shows and even to this day, like a lot of men just want three or four things from a woman and they kinda go from there. But I mean at the same time I also know like a lot of people dealing with a lot of trauma from past relationships, from dealing with people that they shouldn't have been dealing with, men and women. And it's just kinda, you know, people just don't want to let that go. I in my opinion, I think people just afraid to be happy, in all honesty. I and that's how that's just how I feel when it comes to it. I think people are just afraid to be to be fully committed in a relationship. But I can understand that's scary because, you know, I've been in a relationship personally. Well, you know, I gave a person my all and it just wasn't reciprocated. But, you know, maybe they feel that they gave me their all. But I but I just didn't think it was enough. Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: Like I don't know, have you guys ever been in that situation to where you just felt like you gave a person your all and it just just they just wasn't reciprocating that energy, it just wasn't enough. Kevin: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. ItsJayKay: for sure. Go ahead, Cap. Kevin: yeah. I mean I could say that to you to your point. I mean, you know, you know me a long time, man. I dated somebody for for five years and wasted I wasted five years of time, man. You know, essentially. Alfred: So hey real quick, Kev, I don't mean to cut you off, but it was interesting that you say that. Do you do you feel that do you feel that that five years was a waste because it didn't work out? Or do you feel it was a five year was a waste because it was just like not just you could have been doing other things with other women, anything like that, but it's just like opportunities that you missed? Like, what what's the key to why you feel like it was a waste? If you don't mind us getting like deeper into the root of the conversation. Kevin: mean you you hit it right there yeah you you hit it right there it's it's missed opportunities and things that I should have been doing that I wasn't doing because of that relationship. You know what I'm saying? Things Alfred: The AMA. Kevin: that was things that were setting up my success. You know what I'm saying? And it it's one of them things where like you know part of it is number one we gotta go through them things because we gotta we gotta learn that's what it is you gotta learn them lessons and and be able to On and grow from it. That's just that's that's that's just part of life. You know what I mean? Alfred: Man, that's a tough part of life. Kevin: That's the tough part of life, but that's the reality. You know, we gotta learn them lessons. But I think before we even get to that, we gotta talk about the beginning side of it. So half the battle is because nobody nobody told us this, and and and y'all can you know say what y'all y'all think about this. nobody told us that like when we go into the relationships, we gotta be intentional and talk about all right, like what's What's the plan here? You know what I'm saying? We don't we Alfred: What? Kevin: we didn't do that. We didn't do that when we was young. When we was like 19, 20, dating somebody. We didn't we didn't have a conversation, go, all right, look, what's what's your goal here? Like you just trying to hang out, you trying to like you trying to get married, you trying what which what what you trying to do? We we didn't have those type of conversations. Yeah. Because Alfred: You trying to do four years and then go about your business? Kevin: 'cause think about it, think about it. We we had those conversations, right? And and now like you know, two years online, who knows, maybe you you maybe you married, maybe you, you know, something something has progressed. But Alfred: Mm-hmm. Kevin: if you don't have that conversation and establish a plan, you've lost the right to be upset when five years down the road things didn't Alfred: What? Kevin: things didn't go. We lost the right to do that, to be upset. Because we didn't establish no Alfred: Hey, you wanna know before Kevin: plan. Alfred: Hey, I I a hundred percent agree with you before I let Kobe go, I tell Kobe this all the time. Like, when it comes to the game, don't never assume. Because when you make an assumption, you'll make a donkey out yourself. You Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: know? And it's just one of those things because you assume like, because like you said, like I'm eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty two, like in that young yeah, young person's age category, the way you just think, you know, you and this person is gonna live happily ever after. And whatnot. I know we've been all been there. and not just us us three here. Like I know a lot of people been there, you know, and it's just you just think it's gonna work out, but it goes back to what you saying, like nobody told us and gave us a blueprint on, you know, how to make this relationship work out, like what is it tools to do this, like and how kind of how to go from there. But before I go and go through my point, I'm gonna let Kobe like Kobe, what you what do you like, what's your perspective on what Kev said and you know, with your with your personal situations. Like, you know, l this and turn into a therapy session immediately off episode one. Like so let's let's clock Kevin: Okay. Alfred: in into it. ItsJayKay: Man, Kev, a little lesson. Five years of of lessons is what I can say that I went through with my longest relationship ever. Alfred: Mm-hmm. Kevin: Mm. ItsJayKay: Trials and Tribulations. Ups and downs, roller coasters. and I just at the end of it I just got tired of getting on that same roller coaster saying I'm sorry, then, you know, everything is repeating so y y I had to just let that go. Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: Was that tough? ItsJayKay: It was very tough 'cause me obviously, but I mean me being at the Alfred: That was a dumb question to ask, of course I mean, yeah. My bad, that was dumb, my bad. Kevin: Yeah. ItsJayKay: me being at my age, I could actually see myself marrying that woman. Alfred: okay. Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: Wait, hold on. Let's get hey. Cheers to that, brother. Cheers to that. I've been Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: there. I've definitely been there. ItsJayKay: I saw myself later on down the line marrying that woman due to the simple fact that I spent my early 20s with this person. Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: Mm-hmm. ItsJayKay: And not only did I spend my early 20s with this person, I've done I lived a bit of my adulthood being with this person. And that Kevin: Mm-hmm. ItsJayKay: just strikes a a string in my heart that can't be Strong by nobody else. So it is it's hard, but I mean Alfred: Hey hey boy, hey. This man on his poetry. Go ahead. ItsJayKay: it's it's twenty twenty six, it's been two years, I I've moved on from it, I'm I'm I'm happier, I'm I'm living better. Alfred: You feel healed? ItsJayKay: In a sense, in a sense. Kevin: That's a good question. That's a good question. ItsJayKay: In a sense. In a in a sense. Alfred: I'm gonna I'm gonna bring that to you too, Kiv. I ain't I ain't forget about you, but I won't but since Kobe doing it's Kobe like having his point, I'm gonna like 'cause it's it's an interesting question I wanted to ask because like like, you know, 'cause what is healed? Every party got different p different different, you know, meanings to that word of like what they were in the relationship and kinda go from there. But, you know, 'cause what you're saying is, you know, it sound it sounds like, you know, after the two years it kinda things and kind of move into a different direction for you. You had your trials and tribulations with it, like you were saying, you know, Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: you know, is it's still a level of, you know, respect to a certain extent that I fe that I can hear in your voice. Maybe a little bit of, you know, a little bit of love still there in your heart for this person. But Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: for you, Kobe, like do you feel that you've healed or do you like, you know, is your is your journey still carrying on? ItsJayKay: My journey is still definitely carrying on because, like I said, Alfred: Mm-hmm. ItsJayKay: five years is a long time. Alfred: Boy wait till wait till y'all hear me go. Wait till y'all Kevin: Mm-hmm. ItsJayKay: Fi five years is a long time, especially in my early adulting years. Me just Alfred: Yeah. ItsJayKay: becoming a grown Kevin: Yeah. ItsJayKay: a grown man, excuse me, and trying to become the man that I am today. I spent majority of those years with that individual. So yes, I'm still healing from that on a s on a scale from one to a hundred. I'm about I'm about ninety percent healed. Like when I Alfred: That's just good though. ItsJayKay: Do I do still think about her from time to time 'cause she do like I said, she was majority of part of my life. I'm only twenty eight, gang. I'm only twenty eight. What can I say? Alfred: Hey, you want to be honest before I let Kev go. because I like I didn't forget about you, like I said, Kev, I to ask you that sad question. But Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: to be honest, I honestly think like 90% is is a good is a good percent to be there. Like you still a young man, you haven't even entered your 30s yet. them 20s is a roller coaster, you know. but to be in the to be in a position that you win, to have that feeling, I'm gonna be honest with you, I think I don't want to say people miss, but I think everybody ever once in a while, like the past of certain memories of the relationship, anything, like especially some long term, excuse me, those memories creep in. There's really nothing you can do about it. I think, in my personal opinion, Kevin: Okay. Alfred: I think everybody has those thoughts about, you know, I don't want to say maybe what if, but just like, you know, God dang it, if shorty, if you would have just got it together. Like, you know, or or vice versa, like, Kevin: Okay, Alfred: dang man, if I would've just, you know, dear her right. you know, did right by her. I know for a lot of men that, you know, they be in their situation doing their BS and going through their stuff and then when they finally become the man that they supposed to become or got vision to become, they look back on that, you know, that woman that got away. But, you know, I Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: wanna I wanna I before I, you know, I don't wanna go too far 'cause y'all know I like to talk. Kev, back to you, man. Listen. Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: D what about you, brother? Like, you know, y you ain't you and Kobe in the same situation with these five years relationships, man. Like Kevin: Yeah, yeah. Alfred: Where you at when the situation? Like, do you feel healed? Like what's your journey? How's your journey been? Kevin: yes, yeah. Now I mean I'm healed from it. And I can say that because I got Alfred: Mm-hmm. On one to hunter, like Kobe said, where you at? Kevin: I'm here. I'm healed. Keep it one hundred. Alfred: So you at the Hunda you at the Hundine? Kevin: Y'all keep it one hundred. I'm I'm healed. I'm healed. But I'm I'm Alfred: That's the love, bro. That's good. I'm I that's blessed 'cause I'm I'm actually I'm really happy to hear that man, but I'm gonna let you go here. Kevin: And and I'm gonna be honest with you, like you know you healed when you can talk about it. And you can say, not just say you healed, but you can talk about not just what happened in your situation, what they did, but when you can have the accountability and say, This is what I did. That's when you know that's when you know you really healed because you can say, All right, this is what I did. Alfred: boy, you hey boy look, hey, boy, boy. I ain't know we had Reverend Kev here. Kevin: That's that's what I did. And and to be honest, like I got healed. More so it took a while. I'm not gonna lie, it took a while. I didn't get healed in fully healed until it became healed from a spiritual perspective of me getting healed. That's when it Alfred: Mm. Mm-hmm. Kevin: really happened. You know what I'm saying? Because then I had to take on the accountability and go, you know what? What I was talking about, I never really established a plan with this girl in the first place. We was just we Alfred: Mm. Kevin: was just rolling for five years, you know what I'm saying? And that's where time got we was just we was just rolling. Had I did that. Man, that thing probably would have been clipped in like one year. Realistically. You know what I mean? I and I I'm just Alfred: Hey, yeah. Kevin: I'm just keeping it real. Like, you know what I mean? I know this thing gonna go, we, we, we putting this out in the public. So I know this is gonna be this is gonna be talked about me saying it, but that's the reality. We we you know what I'm saying? And and you know Alfred: Boy, they gon it. They gon' they gon' see it. All of them gonna see it. Kevin: what I mean. I only did one long relationship like that. And I mean, until until you know, right now, of course. You know what I mean? That's and that's a different, you know, that's that's the next. I was gonna say we're gonna save that. my my current relationship, we'll save that one. But as far as previously, you know Alfred: Mm-hmm. You're spec. Kevin: as far as previously, I mean, we never established no plan at all. So it was one of them things. If I look back, it's like I'm not even really mad about it now because I'm like, man, I messed up by by waste I'm I messed up wasting time myself. You know what I mean? And Alfred: Yeah. Kevin: we didn't have we didn't have the right foundation to do anything in the first place. We didn't. Alfred: So you s I didn't mean to cut you off, bro, my bad. Kevin: No way. Alfred: I was gonna say so you feel that ItsJayKay: Okay. Alfred: the opportunities that you missed that was a waste, but you do feel like it was a it was essentially a learning experience as well though, essentially. Okay. Kevin: It was. It was. Because because the reality is, if I didn't do that, I don't get into the relationship that I'm in now if I don't experience that. You know what I'm saying? I'm not I'm not and I I mean on top of the fact, you know, I'm a I'm I'm a I'm a I'm a father too, man. You know what I mean? It's it's a whole other thing that that that that comes. It's a whole other thing that comes, you know what I'm saying? Yeah Alfred: Yeah. That's real talk. Hey man, shout out hey look before I go. ItsJayKay: I heard that one, Kev. You ain't the only one. I heard that one. Kevin: You know how it is, man. Alfred: Hey, listen, hey, before we go, hey man, I'm gonna shout out to all the dads, man. Give a clock up to them, man. Shout out to all the dads out there handling their business, doing what they gotta do. I got two good dads right here, right here in front of me, talking their truth, saying it I real quick, I just want to give a shout out to all the good dads, you know, doing what they gotta do, handling their business, making the sacrifices that they gotta make to do what they gotta do. I just wanna, you know, throw that out there. You know, y'all handling y'all business, y'all two good brothers handling what y'all gotta handle. Being the father that y'all need to be for y'all kids and making it happen. That's that's that's real talk. Not too many, you know, men or women are handling their business like they're supposed to be handling it. So, you know, before we continue to go, I want to give y'all y'all flowers right now. Y'all two good brothers handling y'all business, y'all kids love y'all. That I that I know. That I know and I see. So, you know, you know, y'all Kevin: Appreciate that. Appreciate that. ItsJayKay: Appreciate you. Appreciate it. Alfred: I it's it's it's a pleasure to to see how y'all handling y'all's business, see what y'all doing. And so when it does come a day when I'm having my kids and doing what I gotta do and make it happen. I got, you know, good brothers to, you know, look up to to see how they handle their business and Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: got, you know, a path for myself when it when it comes my time, you know, when it ha when that happens. So I just wanna give y'all flowers, man. Kevin: What when when when when when when's that gonna happen? We get we got Alfred: yeah, so anyways, like we was talking about though. So so Kevin: Where's that one going? That's a good ItsJayKay: Yeah, Fredo. Alfred: Hey, hey, hey, how hey, how people be saying when they dodging? Anyways, so Kobe, no, check this out. Kevin: workaround. That's a good workaround. I like that. ItsJayKay: So Fredo, how heeled are you? Alfred: Huh? ItsJayKay: How held are you, sir? Alfred: Cam hilarious. You said my bad Kobe, I'm listening to Cam. What'd you say, bro? ItsJayKay: How heeled are you? Alfred: Hold on, man, let me Kevin: you had to take a sip. man. ItsJayKay: Now I personally know the I know the answer, but tell the people how he old are you? Talk to us. Alfred: So we're gonna call it spade a spade. Kevin: Amen. We wanna hear it. We wanna hear it. Alfred: So look, hey, check this out. Y'all know y'all too know I was in a a relationship about a grip and I don't know what she would consider it or whatever the case like that may be, but me and my ex was dealing with each other for ten, eleven years. and that boy, that was a roller coaster. The ups and downs and everything, the Kev was there for I mean pretty much all of it. And then Kobe was there for the like Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: the the back end of things and whatnot. And The one thing I could say is that as of now, I'm definitely a hundred percent healed. it's been about what three or four years now, maybe more than that, since we've talked or communicated or dealt with each other or anything like that. But it was it was to the point where to go to Kev point when I asked about like wasting the time. So like with me, bro. And like you was there for the whole thing. So like Kevin: Mm. Alfred: with me, it was like at first, I was like, yeah, this is like I'm so upset with myself. I wasted my time, opportunities that I missed, things that could have happened, certain things that I could have maneuvered Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: and made happen, but I made the sacrifice for her and everything like that. And, you know, keep fighting and keep pushing and keep making things work and whatnot. And then it gets to the point where, you know, you just the you just the good guy in her life. You know, you just the guy that she Kevin: Yeah, right. Alfred: can count on and whatnot. And and at the end of the day, like, you know, she ItsJayKay: I'm sorry that Alfred: has her opinion about things and just like y'all's situation, they have their opinion about things. But for me personally, it's one of those things where like that was the first time I really gave a woman my all, absolutely. In and out. Like s like sacrificed money. I was, you know, covering bills. she didn't she she needed time off of work to protect her mental. I I wanted to give her that. I'm working two jobs and whatnot to make sure I can handle things and even to a certain extent that wasn't enough. So it was just a it was I take the whole total eleven year relationship as a learning experience because this is somebody that I really did think that I would get married to and have my kids with and everything like that. And to go to Kevin's point, like we didn't have a plan. At first, be like we met each other at 17 and she was 16. So like we was kids, and we stopped talking when I was 28, like officially. And so it was just to the point to what, and it goes to what Kobe's saying, like it was just like the same cycle over and over again. And it was just one of those things Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: where I just felt like, you know, the potential. Like, I'm a sports guy, I love sports. And the one thing I know about sports is their potential is so dangerous because you can see it, but that don't mean they can see it. And it's just like Kevin: Right. Alfred: I poured so much I'm the type of person in relationships where I want to pour so much love and confidence into my woman because I'm ultra confident. Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: Like so I want to let her know your part is secured. Like and so with her, I just kept doing that. Pouring, pouring, pouring, pouring, pouring. And like before I know it, my cup is over full with love I'm giving her. And in my opinion, I don't feel like she was giving that to me. But then I'm older now to where I know, like now I know now it's where it's to the point where, man, that's that's all she had. Like I'm trying to pull for strings and pull for things and whatnot, and that's that's all she had. And I'm steady giving more of myself to her to overcompensate for the relationship. And I'm not gonna say I was a saint and things, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna never lie to y'all and say that. I I definitely have my faults and things like that. but I mean, this is this is words out of her mouth and whatnot that she told me. Like, you know, I was just too like just more mature than her. You know, and I mean Kev was there when she said it, like, you know, I see myself marrying you. You the guy I wanna marry, and now we're here today. And like I I'm not sure what path Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: she chose since from the time we talked till now. But, you know, it was at a point in time where Like I wished her nothing but the best. And it was a point in time where I said, you know, forget her. If she on the side of the street. Cause it was just one like you want through your healing process. And then anger creeps Kevin: Right. Alfred: in. And so now it's ItsJayKay: Yeah. Alfred: to the point where, like, man, if I see her on the side of the road, I wanna give her two nickels to rub together. Like, and Kevin: Mm. Alfred: look on here and think I look. And now it's just like, you know, and it goes to what Kevin's saying, like, you know, having that spiritual guidance, like People don't know, like y'all know this, but people don't know this. Like, I'm I'm very spiritual. I'm in tune with the man upstairs, heavy. but it was a point in time where I wasn't. and we me and her both grew up in church, but it was a point in time where I wasn't. And during that time period, I'm just I'm essentially fighting the man upstairs on making this work. Like he's showing me signs, Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: showing it, showing it. I remember, man, me and me and Kev was in college, and I'm telling him. Yeah, bro, man, I know she tweaking, but you know, we can make it work. And he like, just like like Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: I remember being like as they say the Lulu when they come to it. Like I remember being that but I but essentially I wasn't because I knew it. But because I had love for her and I wanted to make it work out and I just knew like as long as I kept fighting for it, it'll make it work. And now it's to the point now to where I was just like, man, not all people lifelines I suppose they continue to go together. Like at some point in time you gotta realize that each person in your life I answered for a reason and then it goes and then it ends. And that's with friendship, ItsJayKay: Like a seasoning. Alfred: that's with relationships, that's with everything. And you gotta come to the point where you gotta be, you know, essentially real with yourself about it. Like cause that Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: y'all know me, I'm ultra confident. That stuff that stuff knocked my confidence a little bit. Like I was Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: I was confused about myself, like because I'm like, man, like I'm doing everything I possibly can in my opinion to make make this person happy. Like what am I doing wrong? Like Kevin: Yeah, yeah. Alfred: I used to look at relationships and just give her a pass and I used to just solely focus on myself. Like what am I gotta do better? And so Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: now I look at it like, you know, like both of you guys said, like Kev said, I'm well both of you guys, but what Kev said were verbado, like You gotta look at it to where you understand what you did and what the person did and understand the balance between it and living your truth. And the truth is, like, you know, I was I gave you my best. And I know what Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: I bring to the table. And I bring everything you need to a table. But you just wanted more. You just wanted to do this. You wanted to live a different life. And sometimes you just gotta let people go. That's one of the that's Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: That's definitely, you know, I'm gonna end my point on that. That's definitely one of the things that I definitely have to come to terms with. And now, I mean, y'all see how I am now that be that people don't know, but y'all see how I am now. And it took a while for me to get here because I kept wanting to pull people in, and that was to the point where it's like, hey man, look, go about your business, man. I'm protecting my peace at this point. Like my peace is key, and I'm enjoying my peace right now. And the people I enter Kevin: Mm, mm, yeah, yeah. Alfred: into my circle, you either gonna add peace to it or you're gonna have to get out. And it's it is really just that simple. When it comes to that. Kevin: And it you know you know what's so funny? You how how you just ended out and I was gonna say we gotta segue into something, but what you just said at the end there, I I think the bottom line for us as men, like when we really look at it, we only really after one thing. Peace. That ItsJayKay: Right? And that's happiness. Kevin: be it. That be it. We do we just want peace, that's it. You bringing peace to the house, we good. We good Alfred: Yes it. That's it. Hey man, listen. Hey, hey, listen, bro. ItsJayKay: Peace out. Alfred: Must don't understand that level of peace. Like, we all hop on the game. We all like, you know, we watch sports. We do our thing. You know, I I rock with the anime, the true crimes and stuff like that. Kevin: Yeah, good. Alfred: But like, Must don't understand like that level of relaxation. Like, you got like when I be on Instagram and I see stuff relationships and you know, we'll talk like I know we're supposed to talk about relationships, but we end up having a therapy session. And that's what's great about what we doing here on 40 Exchange, that, you know, essentially this is about relationships and you got, you know, us living in our truth. But you got I see that and I look at those relationships and I essentially a compare, which I don't think people should do when it comes to relationships and social media and whatnot, which we gon' like Kev said, we gon' we're gonna dive into that a little bit more on next week's episode, but When it comes to it, and it's just like, man, like I'm looking at guys how they like playing the game, or they playing the game with their girl, or they just chilling and their girl sitting there relaxing, Kevin: It is Alfred: like, like they don't understand how how peaceful that is, how relaxing that is to just Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: have your girl for men at least. I'm like, we speaking from men's perspective. Like, how how how good that is, just how your girl just land with you. Like, baby, I just want you to be in my presence. Like just kick it with me. Like, come Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: on, we like you can put your hey look, man. You can sit here while I'm on the stakes and you can put your feet on my lap. In between game sessions, I'll give you a nice foot rub and whatnot, rub on your thighs and whatnot. And then, you know. You know, you d you know, play your cars right. We might end up with something else. We might be doing something before Tucson, you know? But like having that moment to where you you can have that that level of peace. So, you know, you sitting watching a game, I'll be seeing certain videos and certain clips like the man sitting there watching the game and whatnot and she just come in and turn the T V off and doing all this and it's just like now I don't know the background to all that and everything like that, but at the end of the day it's like, come on, like what like I I like he's you know, is he doing everything he needs to do? He's handling everything and you you know, us Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: as men, we don't you know, we ain't got a comfort zone because us having a moment of peace, or not peace but emotion Now you now we in the era of being sassy and being all less and so now we're Kevin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alfred: in a different era when it comes to things. So now we're in an era where men are now opening up more emotionally, but now you gotta be sassy with it. And I'll just let everybody Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: know this straightforward. It's nothing wrong, men or even women, for being emotionally intelligent into your emotions, Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: being locked in into that. Don't let nobody gaslight you when it comes to this. When you know yourself, ain't nobody gonna tell you about yourself. Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: And it's really that simple. And if people can't rock with you or people can't live in their truth or be real with you, exit stage right. The the man Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: upstairs, I don't know if people spiritual what you believe in, Buddhism, you believe in the Quran, Christianity, Catholic, no matter what this what it is. or even if you atheist. I know eight I know I spoke to some atheists and they, you know, they just believe in the universe and all this other stuff and what I'm not I'm not too big on, you know, the knowledge of atheism. But and I don't know if I even said that right, but I'm not big on that, but I have had conversations with a few and they were just saying like it's more the universe and all this other stuff, but whatever you Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: believe in or whatever higher power, just understand that, you know, that person ran his course and it's time for to go. Don't keep pulling their strings. Kevin: Okay. Alfred: Because real people in your circle, like my brothers here, gonna lock in with you and they gonna live in their truth no matter what the situation is. Kevin: Mm-hmm. Hey, let me let me ask y'all this. Did y'all ever in in in your relationships, this isn't a conversation that most people have, but did y'all ever establish what was the problem in terms of masculinity and femininity in the in in these relationships? Dude, that's a big deal right now because you brought up a good point about there being a a a gender war, so to speak. And Alfred: Mm-hmm. Kevin: There's a there's this this this common and I I'm gonna say a misconception Alfred: Yeah. Kevin: that that women come off as masculine, which in some cases they do. In some cases they do. I think that it comes from a lack of our leadership, is where it comes from. And that's and that's rooted, Alfred: And which way you write? Kevin: you know what I mean? That's like I I think that's something that's like, you know, passed down a lot of the time, but I think it is still like a lack of our leadership. that causes that masculinity 'cause we we tie those le we tie a masculinity and femininity to to genders, but the reality that's that's an energy. Like, you know, you could be a man and be feminine at the same time, you know what I mean? You could be a man and be f and and do some feminine stuff. You know what I mean? Alfred: Yeah, that's true. I'm gonna let Kobe here go ahead and start that off. What you think, Kobe? ItsJayKay: So off the jump, there's really no No conversation on who's supposed to establish the the the masculinity and femininity in a relationship from my experience. Alfred: Mm. Okay. ItsJayKay: from I I haven't been in too many relationships going through life, but I can backtrack to my last relationship, which was my longest one, which was my five year one. Me not knowing her in the beginning, she comes off as a masculine woman. Alfred: Ha ha ha. ItsJayKay: Right though. Hello, but look listen. She Kevin: See you see where I'm going with the Alfred: Well I know I know who she is, so like that's why I didn't mean to laugh, but I know she is. But he right. ItsJayKay: You keep okay it's Fredo agrees. So she comes off as a masculine woman. She comes off as a as a Alfred: I don't think there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm just laughing 'cause yeah, he's right. ItsJayKay: she comes off as a very independent woman that doesn't need and want for anything. That's the masculine masculinity that she portrays and Alfred: My boy said, Man, an enemy. Kevin: Hey. ItsJayKay: that that that she comes off with. So Alfred: It was their me. ItsJayKay: when I mean her got introduced and we started talking more. That that independency that she had, she still had it, but it Kevin: Mm-hmm. ItsJayKay: dialed down a lot when she met me because she had a man to step up and be that masculine that had some masculine traits that she needed. Kevin: Ha ha ha Alfred: Just say that was masculine. That's all you gotta say, Doc. ItsJayKay: I'm I'm Kevin: Early. ItsJayKay: trying to use the right verbiage and right wording. Alfred: Just just flipping it, just flipping it and be like that had a man that was masculine. That's all that's all he mean, chat. That's all he mean. Kevin: He said ItsJayKay: That's what I say. So Kevin: he said I was masculine and I asked Standoff. He's gonna say I was masculine. ItsJayKay: Look listen, so wait. So in the beginning, no, there wasn't a conversation. I Kevin: Mm. ItsJayKay: just had to show that I I was the masculine one in the relationship and that I was gonna hold that status until Alfred: Mm-hmm. ItsJayKay: the very end. Alfred: You know what? ItsJayKay: Yeah. Alfred: I'm gon I'm on we gon this was a great conversation, a good therapeutic. I don't even know how we got here. Actually I do, I started it, my bad. but at the end of the day, I'm you know, we can end on this because we all agreeing with the same thing, but to what Kev's point before we close this out, with me, I've never had that conversation in any of my relationships. Excuse me, because To be honest with you, how I was raised and how my how my how my dad my parents raised me and how my dad raised me and whatnot, shout out to my parents was that man, listen, you a man before you anything. At the end of the day. Like you handle your business as a man, you handle it accordingly. You do what you need to be, you knew what needs to be done, you handle your business and you go from there. You you prioritize what you need to prioritize as a leader, you know. In relationships, I seen my parents, you know, have they bicker and have their things and Go this, that, and the third, and there was times that, you know, my mom, you know, took the reins at one point and then my dad went back in charge and they just they just balanced it out so well and they still together to this day. so with me it's one of those things to where it was it's just like I didn't feel like that I need to have these conversations because of the simple fact of the matter is that like I'm a man, shorty, I'm a real man when I handle mine. Like you good over here. Protected, you know, affection. You know, everything you need, I'm checking those boxes for you because that's what I that you know, that's how I was raised from my mom and my dad from both perspective of both of the situations of what it is to be a man. I think now it's to the point where you got, you know, women that portray as masculine and and Kobe know this, like I didn't have women that portray as they masculine and it's just like, baby, you j you soft as a teddy bell. Like you ain't like you ain't gotta hold that. ItsJayKay: You something's got T T. Kevin: Okay. Alfred: You ain't gotta hold that like real the the the fake the faker act like the faker act fake. But the real man, which is not let's let's be realistic, it's not too many out there. That a standard don't be accounted for as a man when they handle their business. I I'm just being honest. so I understand why women are out here being masculine and handling their business and doing what they gotta do. So I I it goes back to what Kev said. I I fully agree with you on that. Like I didn't I didn't I didn't talk to a whole lot of women to Like the you know, the guys ain't even open the door. Like, you know, the chivalry side of things. Like I'm old school. Like I I'm taking you on a date, I'm you know, flowers, chocolate, opening the door for you every single time. This, that, and the third. Like, you know, I tell every woman I talk to, don't you don't you touch that door. Like, I like be patient. I'm finna get it, I'm finna come grab it for you. Then we're gonna do what we gotta do. Like, that's just that simple. Like it'd be times I go into a restaurant while I step to the side. Well I like I'll be in front of a woman and I step to the side and she's like, man, thank you. I didn't know like I like that's just how I was raised though to my core. Like that's just me to my core, is to make sure women is protected Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: at all times. And that goes into essentially my faith and whatnot to where it's just like as a man you protect women and children at all costs. And we're living in a side society right now where women and children are not protected because the evil man is doing just absolutely crazy things right now. But you know, that's a that's a conversation for another episode for real, for real. I ain't gonna lie to you. But Hey man, check this out, fellas. How y'all feel about episode one? ItsJayKay: Episode one was good. Even though Alfred: Come on now. Kevin: Yeah. ItsJayKay: it turned to a therapy session, you know. Alfred: Hey man, l hey, we might have a lot of them. Be prepared. Wait till next week's episode. Wait till next episode. Kevin: Hey. Hey man. But but you know what? You know it was a good thing though because reality is, you know, men need men out here. We just we just we just do. Alfred: Pause, but yeah, you're right. ItsJayKay: Correctly. For sure. For sure. Kevin: We just do. Alfred: You 'cause 'cause at the end of the day, like, we live in a society where you got women women telling men how to be a man, how you got women telling men how to be men, and you got men telling women how to be women. Instead of the good men opening up and telling, you know, what it takes to be a good man. And then what good women open up and tell what it takes to be a good woman. But when you get those platforms, you got so many birds chirping on the outside, the ones that's just like nah nah Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: nah nah nah nah nah and you know, that's what you know how women be the the the the bad side of women or you got the man that's trolling and doing other stuff so you know I'm the type of person where I think the good needs to start speaking up more and cancel out the evil but now we living in a trolling era but you know we got more of the trolling era next week when we got that next episode but listen man we finna go ahead and sign off clock off do what you gotta do hey how they do it though back in the day with the time card chit we clocking out man holy exchange Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: first episode was lit Next week's episode is gonna drop next Tuesday. Y'all better lock in and y'all better get to. Like I told y'all before, tell mama and them, tell dad and them, tell phone them, tell teacher and them, and tell all of them.