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Monday Mini: Women and Happiness, Part 3 · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Were welcome to stuff
0:07
Speaker 1: I've never told your production of I Heart Radio. So
0:19
Speaker 1: if you have been listening to our Monday minies, we
0:22
Speaker 1: have been talking a lot about happiness and who are
0:25
Speaker 1: the happiest, And of course we had some interesting articles
0:29
Speaker 1: that we looked through and talked about and dissected. But
0:32
Speaker 1: we had a listener asked us a genuinely great question
0:35
Speaker 1: on Instagram. Hey, Arianna, I hope I said that right,
0:37
Speaker 1: And they were asking about lesbian marriages and how they
0:41
Speaker 1: affect women's happiness and just the whole marriage and happiness correlation,
0:46
Speaker 1: which had us thinking, so, yeah, who are they happier?
0:50
Speaker 1: Let's let's talk about it. So you know that we
0:52
Speaker 1: read through that single and childless women were some of
0:55
Speaker 1: the more happier group of people. But uh, yeah, let's
0:59
Speaker 1: take a look at who are the happiest or at
1:01
Speaker 1: least in couple them, so so that we can figure
1:04
Speaker 1: this out. We can dissect this, right Annie. And of
1:06
Speaker 1: course it's always with this, you know, we're speaking in
1:09
Speaker 1: generalizations and from what we're able to find, right, So,
1:13
Speaker 1: there's like no one answer, but there are some some
1:16
Speaker 1: theories and some some data that's been collected, So of course, yes,
1:20
Speaker 1: when we talk about data and statistics, just a reminder
1:23
Speaker 1: they can be biased. Uh. It's according to where you
1:25
Speaker 1: get that information and how you look things up, and
1:28
Speaker 1: apparently according to Google is according to what you like
1:31
Speaker 1: and what you've searched for, so it always leans that way.
1:34
Speaker 1: So just to go ahead and put that caveat. But
1:36
Speaker 1: we've found some articles that we didn't want to talk
1:38
Speaker 1: about and kind of a look deeper into what they
1:42
Speaker 1: are saying and think of why not let's talk about it.
1:46
Speaker 1: So are lesbian couples happier? Well? In a pink news
1:51
Speaker 1: dot co dot uk article, they found that the the
1:55
Speaker 1: marital strain in psychological distress in same sex and different
1:58
Speaker 1: sex couple studies shows quote UH found that same sex
2:01
Speaker 1: spouses generally feel more satisfied in their marriages than hetero
2:05
Speaker 1: sexual spouses do. Uh. As in fact, I think this
2:08
Speaker 1: is a article just so y'all know, and it's always
2:11
Speaker 1: good to know day because I feel like, especially in
2:14
Speaker 1: the last three years, massive changes have happened, so it
2:17
Speaker 1: can definitely change our perspective of what is happy, what
2:21
Speaker 1: is it happy? As well as the fact when we
2:24
Speaker 1: talk about in twenty six seeing versus versus twenty like
2:30
Speaker 1: all those things, those years are very vastly different. So
2:33
Speaker 1: ahead because that they are yea, that is true. So
2:38
Speaker 1: to get these results, they they worked with seven hundred
2:43
Speaker 1: fifties six US men and women and in their midlife
2:47
Speaker 1: in seventy eight gay at lesbian and heterosexual marriages and
2:51
Speaker 1: they catch these like daily diaries. Um. So it's self reporting,
2:55
Speaker 1: which is always another thing to take note of. But yeah,
2:58
Speaker 1: self reporting, um stress and how that was related to
3:02
Speaker 1: their marriage their partner. Women in different sex marriages reported
3:07
Speaker 1: the most stress. Uh and men in different sex marriages
3:11
Speaker 1: and women in same sex marriages fell in the middle. Uh.
3:14
Speaker 1: So they were about the same, reporting the same levels
3:16
Speaker 1: of stress. Right. We did definitely talk a lot about
3:19
Speaker 1: this when we talked about women in emotional labor during
3:22
Speaker 1: the pandemic and stress um even the Great Resignation and
3:26
Speaker 1: why women were quitting and what this looked like in
3:28
Speaker 1: the heavy loads that they have had. And this article
3:31
Speaker 1: kind of talks about that same narrative. It says in
3:34
Speaker 1: the article most of them relate to traditional gender stereotyping,
3:38
Speaker 1: including expectations that women should take on the majority of
3:42
Speaker 1: the housework. So there's definitely that underlying uh stated gender
3:48
Speaker 1: norm that is heavily laid and put a lot of
3:50
Speaker 1: responsibility onto women in heterosexual relationships and marriages. So I
3:56
Speaker 1: thought that was really interesting. I think I don't know
3:59
Speaker 1: if yeah, you're thinking the same thing, but I could
4:02
Speaker 1: see that being a proponent where it's what it's the
4:05
Speaker 1: same gender and the expectations are kind of had to
4:07
Speaker 1: put to the wayside and a lot more conversation has
4:10
Speaker 1: had to have happened. Yeah, I think that's a good point.
4:12
Speaker 1: I remember a few of you listeners different in about this,
4:16
Speaker 1: and I think it's a good point of the outside
4:19
Speaker 1: of our traditional heteronormative what we've been taught and what
4:23
Speaker 1: we've seen is a very heavy quotes and normal relationship.
4:27
Speaker 1: When you go outside of that, you have to talk
4:29
Speaker 1: about things like you have to have the conversations that
4:33
Speaker 1: I think in a lot of hetero couples are sort
4:35
Speaker 1: of taken for granted. But outside of that, you have
4:40
Speaker 1: to talk about it because you mant to make sure
4:43
Speaker 1: you're on the same page, and often you haven't seen
4:45
Speaker 1: examples perhaps of how this relationship will work. So I
4:50
Speaker 1: think there's just a lot more conversations happening. I could
4:53
Speaker 1: be wrong. This is again generalizations that we're speaking right right,
4:57
Speaker 1: there is and I think it's interesting that again when
5:00
Speaker 1: we break it down away from that, because even sitcoms
5:04
Speaker 1: and even shows are starting to show that difference of like, oh,
5:08
Speaker 1: we need to step away from this traditional household because
5:11
Speaker 1: it's not funny anymore. It's now just uh trit and
5:15
Speaker 1: overly used and it doesn't make sense and it should change.
5:21
Speaker 1: So you see that changing in in media in itself,
5:24
Speaker 1: and I feel like that reflects a lot upon what
5:27
Speaker 1: is happening society obviously. And then when we talk about
5:30
Speaker 1: same sex couples, the level of communications that have to happen.
5:35
Speaker 1: And you know, I was thinking about this too. Queer
5:37
Speaker 1: marriage wasn't legalized until not too long ago. We know this,
5:41
Speaker 1: and it's still kind of in disarray as we talk
5:43
Speaker 1: about what's happening under state legislations. But that stressor is
5:49
Speaker 1: kind of for a minute, went away. That level of discrimination,
5:52
Speaker 1: not real life discrimination, not necessarily they were discrimination, not
5:55
Speaker 1: necessarily biases against uh A community or biases community or whatever,
6:01
Speaker 1: but the federal level of stress of like, oh, we're
6:03
Speaker 1: actually being recognized and being able to get married that
6:06
Speaker 1: I had to alleviate some of that stressed us well,
6:08
Speaker 1: so that that level happiness I feel I should have
6:11
Speaker 1: that had a rise. I would think, again, this is
6:13
Speaker 1: all conjecture. This is based on my own ideas of like, well,
6:16
Speaker 1: at least one less thing was heavily laying on there, like, oh,
6:19
Speaker 1: we can't be arrested for being in our marriage anymore. Wonderful.
6:24
Speaker 1: That's a new stress like stress reliever, right right, And
6:28
Speaker 1: I think it's worth noting here, Samantha and I keep
6:31
Speaker 1: mentioning this mysterious project we're working on it. I think,
6:35
Speaker 1: you know, someday we'll will be able to tell you
6:37
Speaker 1: what it is. But for it, I was researching the
6:40
Speaker 1: history of gay marriage, and I know that that's a
6:44
Speaker 1: big conversation is um, you know, no, no group or
6:47
Speaker 1: community is a monolith, and um, some people in the
6:50
Speaker 1: gay community think like marriage is already part of the heteronormative,
6:55
Speaker 1: like it's already bad or it's got all this stuff
6:58
Speaker 1: that's built into it. Not everybody again, not everybody, but like,
7:03
Speaker 1: I think that that's an interesting conversation that's happening as well,
7:06
Speaker 1: because it just historically and traditionally has been kind of
7:11
Speaker 1: a real gender disparity in favor of men in our laws.
7:15
Speaker 1: So that's also a conversation that's happening. And we've talked
7:19
Speaker 1: before about, um how in things like the b d
7:23
Speaker 1: SIM community or the kink community, they similarly have to
7:27
Speaker 1: have Like I guess, there's just no assumption that you
7:30
Speaker 1: have to have these conversations write about about these things.
7:34
Speaker 1: And I think that's so good. I think everybody should
7:35
Speaker 1: be doing that, right. Yeah, And in that same article,
7:39
Speaker 1: the same study talks about the level of miscommunication that
7:42
Speaker 1: was happening and who was willing to talk and who
7:45
Speaker 1: was willing to work things out. But a lot of
7:48
Speaker 1: that in that this heteronormative idea, especially when it comes
7:51
Speaker 1: to since uh, heterosexual relationships that uh, there's this mystery
7:57
Speaker 1: and gameplay that's been kind of a part of it,
8:00
Speaker 1: that you're supposed to allow the mel to be dominant
8:03
Speaker 1: in a relationship and therefore you never question, you never
8:06
Speaker 1: pushed back, and all of these narratives that were so
8:09
Speaker 1: toxic and I'm using that word don't come at me,
8:12
Speaker 1: but it was, and it is when you can't when
8:15
Speaker 1: you feel like you can't communicate and have a open conversation.
8:19
Speaker 1: And I will say that was one of my bigger
8:21
Speaker 1: things growing up that I was willing to accept these norms.
8:24
Speaker 1: But I made sure to put out if you're willing
8:26
Speaker 1: to listen to me, even though I was under this
8:30
Speaker 1: whole understanding with the religion and all of these things,
8:32
Speaker 1: like okay, that's the way it works. But if he
8:35
Speaker 1: is a truly good man and I'm yes, I'm putting
8:37
Speaker 1: this all in like again head a normative ways of speaking,
8:41
Speaker 1: then he's listening and we are compromising. I will allow
8:45
Speaker 1: him to quote unquote speak for me, which makes me
8:47
Speaker 1: a kind of nauxious is thinking about now if he
8:50
Speaker 1: hears me and if we're talking about it behind closed doors,
8:54
Speaker 1: if that's not happening, this is not a fulfilling relationship.
8:56
Speaker 1: But I knew that as like I think, I said
8:58
Speaker 1: this is a twelve year old to my father because
9:01
Speaker 1: we were talking about what was happening in in our
9:04
Speaker 1: church at that point. He asked me, which was weird
9:07
Speaker 1: because he had more respect for me than I can't say.
9:10
Speaker 1: It seemed like he had more respect for me than
9:11
Speaker 1: my own mother. I was at times um, but him
9:14
Speaker 1: coming to like, what do you think and I said,
9:16
Speaker 1: these are these things, and he was like, Okay, do
9:19
Speaker 1: you trust me to say that for him? Like, I
9:20
Speaker 1: trust you because we're having a conversation and you said
9:22
Speaker 1: you're listening. He's like, you're right, I will. It's like,
9:24
Speaker 1: then that's a good relationship, you know, like coming down
9:28
Speaker 1: to that wire of like if it truly worked out
9:30
Speaker 1: that way, then these are the things that would happen
9:32
Speaker 1: and come into play. Right. Yeah. I think that's a
9:36
Speaker 1: really good point because if you can't trust somebody to
9:38
Speaker 1: listen to you, then that you're already starting at an unequal,
9:41
Speaker 1: right part, you already off to a bad foot in
9:45
Speaker 1: this was right, right. So one study did show at
10:02
Speaker 1: least the queer community in marriages maybe happier, that's what.
10:08
Speaker 1: But we also found another article. And in this article
10:12
Speaker 1: it talks about, um, what makes couples happier or the
10:15
Speaker 1: happiest And it's from inc dot com. So they had
10:18
Speaker 1: this whole list of these are the top characteristics that
10:23
Speaker 1: make for a happy relationship, UM. And they had different studies.
10:26
Speaker 1: So it's from inc dot com, I n C dot com, UM,
10:30
Speaker 1: And we wanted to read the list. We're not gonna
10:31
Speaker 1: get all We're not going to give create to all
10:33
Speaker 1: of them. We're not gonna sit and discuss all of them.
10:34
Speaker 1: But I found them interesting and I thought it would
10:37
Speaker 1: be something to talk about because if you're trying to
10:39
Speaker 1: seek that happy relationship, maybe these are some of the things. Uh.
10:44
Speaker 1: Number one, don't fight over texts. So I thought that
10:48
Speaker 1: was pretty funny because I'm like, oh, that's the only
10:50
Speaker 1: way i have to communicate, though, I feel like that's
10:54
Speaker 1: the best way I can get my point across without
10:58
Speaker 1: breaking down and sounding ridiculous. It's interesting that you say that,
11:03
Speaker 1: because I too, feel like I like to think things out.
11:06
Speaker 1: I'll write things down because you know, you lose so
11:08
Speaker 1: much over text. With that your like emojis or whatever,
11:11
Speaker 1: the emotion is lost. So sometimes I'll write because I'm
11:16
Speaker 1: bad about I'll react emotionally, I'll get defensive. I know this,
11:21
Speaker 1: it's a problem, but if I'm unprepared, so I like
11:24
Speaker 1: to be prepared, I write the thing down and then
11:27
Speaker 1: we can talk about it. But I don't like going
11:29
Speaker 1: into a fight unprepared, which I know sounds ridiculous because
11:31
Speaker 1: a lot of times they just happen. But if there's
11:34
Speaker 1: something that you know you need to talk about and
11:36
Speaker 1: there's probably going to be a disagreement. I will write
11:38
Speaker 1: it out, write down my thoughts, and then I'll go
11:42
Speaker 1: in and we can. I mean, I feel it makes sense.
11:45
Speaker 1: I mean, text can be bad, especially if you're just
11:47
Speaker 1: exploding conversations back and forth. I'm sure. But like if
11:50
Speaker 1: I'm having like a moment and I'm coming back and
11:54
Speaker 1: this is how I need to tell you, it's gonna
11:56
Speaker 1: be like fifteen texts that's wanted. Probably should be an email.
12:07
Speaker 1: It makes the communicate better, but hey, who knows it
12:10
Speaker 1: says take it to the place where you can actually
12:12
Speaker 1: talk to their faces. But uh yeah, that's not always
12:16
Speaker 1: great if you're a high emotion, high stress. This is
12:18
Speaker 1: kind of I feel like that's similar to the narrative
12:20
Speaker 1: like don't go to bed angry, Like that doesn't work.
12:23
Speaker 1: I thought, if I need to calm down or I'm
12:26
Speaker 1: going to say something I'm gonna regret, right, And a
12:29
Speaker 1: lot of times, exhaustion it's not good when you're having
12:32
Speaker 1: a fight and you're tired, it's going to be worse, right,
12:35
Speaker 1: So not always, But okay, that's one number two, And
12:39
Speaker 1: we've talked about this before. Don't have kids, that's what
12:43
Speaker 1: it says. By the way, I'm not telling you to
12:44
Speaker 1: do this. It just says don't have kids. We are
12:47
Speaker 1: just the messenger. That makes sense to me too. I
12:51
Speaker 1: think that it's lovely and the word this article you
12:55
Speaker 1: just fulfilling. As having children can be stressful. I don't
13:00
Speaker 1: like anybody who fight about that. I think that especially
13:05
Speaker 1: in a relationship where there can be these kind of
13:09
Speaker 1: inconsistencies and responsibilities and that money. That's what gets me
13:14
Speaker 1: all the time, the cost of raising a child, and
13:19
Speaker 1: especially in a lot of like the times we're living
13:22
Speaker 1: through now and just so much stress on parents. Like
13:25
Speaker 1: it makes sense to me. We're not saying yes again,
13:28
Speaker 1: we're like not anti chual, but again we've talked about
13:32
Speaker 1: the many times the different articles who were like these
13:35
Speaker 1: may be the happiest people, and it may be because
13:37
Speaker 1: it's less responsibility. I mean, let's just be real honest. Yeah,
13:41
Speaker 1: there's a lot of responsibility and kudos to those parents. Kudos. Yes,
13:45
Speaker 1: I'm not goodness, this one's interesting. Uh have friends who
13:51
Speaker 1: stay married? Mm hmm. I feel like that's the same
13:57
Speaker 1: kind of narrative of like your parents they stay Uh
14:00
Speaker 1: just kind of like that level of like oh, it
14:02
Speaker 1: can be done. Maybe. Yeah, I thought that too, And
14:06
Speaker 1: then my parents had a real rough period and I
14:08
Speaker 1: was like, I would just rather have been divorced, right,
14:11
Speaker 1: but the definitely moment like that, like just YEA would
14:13
Speaker 1: have been happier, we all would have been happier. Yeah,
14:17
Speaker 1: And I just think, like, I totally get this point,
14:19
Speaker 1: but I think it is very risky just to put
14:23
Speaker 1: your kind of I don't know, faith or belief in
14:25
Speaker 1: something into someone else. It makes sense to me that
14:28
Speaker 1: you're like, because we've talked about that before. You know,
14:30
Speaker 1: we're mostly friends with single people because for the same
14:32
Speaker 1: parts in our lives. Um, But to be like, well,
14:35
Speaker 1: they're still together, and so that means I can't be too.
14:37
Speaker 1: I think that's a risk. Yes. And also even the perfect,
14:41
Speaker 1: most perfect marriages, you don't realize there's a lot of
14:44
Speaker 1: its happening. Yeah. Oh yeah, Um, here's another interesting one
14:49
Speaker 1: fight at the beginning, then not a lot. I feel
14:52
Speaker 1: like I've done this. I'm winning, right, I'm sure looking
14:57
Speaker 1: at relationships in terms of winner losses definitely the way
15:02
Speaker 1: I think this makes sense too, though, because you want
15:04
Speaker 1: to kind of get those prickly fights out at the
15:08
Speaker 1: beginning right, um, and hopefully that will give you indication
15:12
Speaker 1: of whether or not you can work together. Do you
15:15
Speaker 1: think And this is like it's strange to say, but
15:19
Speaker 1: there's a skill in fighting without hurting somebody. Um, I
15:23
Speaker 1: think you learned that when you get older. Because I
15:25
Speaker 1: don't want people to like just go out and be
15:27
Speaker 1: raging and hurting other people, right, but to have like
15:30
Speaker 1: a good, healthy fight. Yeah, it's not a bad that.
15:34
Speaker 1: That's what I think is interesting because that's what I
15:35
Speaker 1: was talking about. How I know if you get me
15:39
Speaker 1: what I'm angry, I'm gonna black out and say something
15:41
Speaker 1: really mean because I am cruel, Like I can be cruel,
15:44
Speaker 1: and I see your weaknesses and I'll come at it.
15:46
Speaker 1: So I need a moment so I don't go below
15:49
Speaker 1: the belt. Like I said this many times, I'm like,
15:51
Speaker 1: if you don't leave me alone, I'm going to say
15:53
Speaker 1: something that's gonna be so hurtful and I'm gonna feel
15:56
Speaker 1: bad about it, and you're gonna feel bad about it
15:57
Speaker 1: and we're never gonna be able to forget it, and
15:58
Speaker 1: then it's gonna be even more. You need to let
16:01
Speaker 1: me calm down so I can push that aside and
16:03
Speaker 1: be the nicer me. But I also think about, like
16:08
Speaker 1: how people talk about marriages, that the first year can
16:12
Speaker 1: be the roughest, and if you can survive that, then
16:16
Speaker 1: you're okay essentially working things out, readjusting essentially into what
16:21
Speaker 1: is now a coupledom and being hopefully an equal partnership,
16:25
Speaker 1: and how that can look at it the beginning fairly
16:27
Speaker 1: rough and if you can get through those and you
16:29
Speaker 1: can actually establish how to communicate, actually established boundaries, being
16:33
Speaker 1: able to know, uh, this is the moment we need
16:36
Speaker 1: time out that type of thing, then possibly, So that
16:39
Speaker 1: makes sense to me because I've I've heard that all
16:41
Speaker 1: my life the first year is the roughest, and I'm like,
16:42
Speaker 1: that supposed to be the honeymoon period, but it's actually not.
16:46
Speaker 1: And another one are I guess this is more of
16:49
Speaker 1: a like a logistatistic as opposed to a strategy. So
16:55
Speaker 1: it says are comprised of one firstborn child and one
17:00
Speaker 1: lastborn child, which I feel like it's so specific. Yeah,
17:04
Speaker 1: I want to know how they got these numbers. Uh,
17:07
Speaker 1: that is so specific. I have nothing really to say
17:10
Speaker 1: on that because I don't know if that could be true.
17:13
Speaker 1: I guess I'm like out for the count you just
17:18
Speaker 1: dRIT sexuality. Okay, because you're the middle child, you can't
17:28
Speaker 1: have anybody, so that you're not supposed to be with anybody.
17:34
Speaker 1: I will. I'll just always be kind of middling, never great.
17:37
Speaker 1: I guess that is interesting. I have some theories why
17:40
Speaker 1: that might be. It's almost like the opposites taking care
17:43
Speaker 1: of each other. Yeah. Then, yeah, where does the middle
17:46
Speaker 1: child club? Who companies are they? They feel like I
17:49
Speaker 1: feel like, if that's this is what we're to say,
17:51
Speaker 1: then the middle child can be with anyone because they
17:53
Speaker 1: are the neutral negative. Yeah, yeah, there you go. There's
17:57
Speaker 1: the universal lovely one. I'll take it. I'll tell you
18:02
Speaker 1: it probably just means they're boring. And then this one.
18:05
Speaker 1: And I feel like we talked about this at the
18:06
Speaker 1: beginning with the gender roles. I know who does what
18:10
Speaker 1: when it comes to housework, Um, I think that's very
18:13
Speaker 1: good and talking about it, but that that would be
18:16
Speaker 1: a little too organized for my scattered brains. I'm like,
18:19
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm in the mood to do this, sometimes I'm not.
18:21
Speaker 1: I am never in the mood to fold laundry. So
18:24
Speaker 1: if my partner wants to do that, I will be
18:26
Speaker 1: glad for them. To do that. I'll wash it, I'll
18:29
Speaker 1: bring it back up. You folded and put it up.
18:32
Speaker 1: I'm the same with dishes. I hate doing tshues. I
18:36
Speaker 1: mean and we've talked about that before. Uh. And I
18:39
Speaker 1: think we used to joke. Bridget used to joke with me,
18:41
Speaker 1: never move in unless they have a dishwasher. Uh. Then
18:44
Speaker 1: you can definitely put stressors on relationships these kind of tasks.
18:48
Speaker 1: I've only had one again for the first time in
18:51
Speaker 1: five years in the last three months. Love it, Love
18:54
Speaker 1: it so much. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's pretty good.
18:58
Speaker 1: Here's an interesting one. Are gay or straight and feminist?
19:04
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, yeah, I could see this. I can see
19:08
Speaker 1: this too. Oh so the study they got this from
19:12
Speaker 1: it is called feminism and romance go hand in hand
19:16
Speaker 1: like that. This is a pamphlet to hand it out
19:19
Speaker 1: to people. Yeah, yeah, I mean too. All right. Here's
19:39
Speaker 1: another one that is very interesting, and we have talked
19:41
Speaker 1: about this before. If hetero are comprised of a lovely
19:44
Speaker 1: lady in and not as lovely man, which is sort
19:47
Speaker 1: of what we were talking about with this kind of
19:49
Speaker 1: traditional sitcom couple. How I just find this so interesting.
19:54
Speaker 1: I was watching a movie the other day where this
19:56
Speaker 1: came out. But they made it as if it was
19:58
Speaker 1: like we should be the woman is so nice and
20:03
Speaker 1: kind she can be with this not attractive man, right,
20:07
Speaker 1: which I have a lot of I actually have a
20:08
Speaker 1: happy hour. I want to talk about this. I have
20:11
Speaker 1: a lot of thoughts about this, but like it's paint
20:13
Speaker 1: it is it's a great trait for her, which it is.
20:16
Speaker 1: You shouldn't really judge people by their looks. But at
20:19
Speaker 1: the same time, it's like he's not like that was
20:23
Speaker 1: the thing he said about her, And the thing he
20:25
Speaker 1: said was she could see past all of my terrible
20:28
Speaker 1: qualities and looks. That's always what they say. I just
20:33
Speaker 1: heard that a lot. What movie was I watching? And
20:35
Speaker 1: there they said that, you see. So the show that
20:38
Speaker 1: I keep telling you about essentially is the Bell The
20:40
Speaker 1: beauty is in love with rubble, still skin, the dude
20:43
Speaker 1: that's super ugly, and like he keeps saying, because you
20:45
Speaker 1: can see past the monster and it's the same level.
20:49
Speaker 1: But I do want to read from this the article.
20:52
Speaker 1: So the study came from the Journal of Personality and
20:54
Speaker 1: Social Psychology, and it says, quote, when husband's view their
20:58
Speaker 1: wives as the more attractive of the pair, not only
21:01
Speaker 1: are they more satisfied in the relationship, but the wives
21:04
Speaker 1: are too. The opposite was not true. When husbands thought
21:08
Speaker 1: they were better looking, they weren't as happy. I still
21:12
Speaker 1: like that has a lot to do with male fragility. Uh.
21:15
Speaker 1: And we should come back to this and have this
21:17
Speaker 1: conversation because this, and again it may be on the
21:21
Speaker 1: side of social media that I'm on where we see
21:23
Speaker 1: a lot of women just really taking on the part
21:25
Speaker 1: of I don't need men, I am who I am
21:28
Speaker 1: and whatever. Uh. And being a single is not a threat,
21:31
Speaker 1: So I don't know why you pretend like it is.
21:34
Speaker 1: But so many men are so angry when women say
21:38
Speaker 1: they are attractive. They find that offensive, even though that's
21:41
Speaker 1: what they want. But they they want to be the
21:43
Speaker 1: ones to tell them that they want this whole like
21:46
Speaker 1: song level of oh, she doesn't know she's beautiful type
21:50
Speaker 1: of conversation was like, but they do, and they should,
21:53
Speaker 1: and they should appreciate themselves as you appreciate them as well.
21:57
Speaker 1: Why is that a bad thing? Technoledge that you might
21:59
Speaker 1: be like you might look of that day like, I
22:01
Speaker 1: love that confidence. And it took me forever to realize
22:03
Speaker 1: that's not a fault to have friends who are like, oh,
22:06
Speaker 1: all good today, And I was like, how dare you
22:08
Speaker 1: like yourself? Yeah? Bragging? It was appreciating what yes, yeah.
22:15
Speaker 1: I also think like this is a commentary or or
22:18
Speaker 1: just a piece of our bigger conversation of women's value
22:22
Speaker 1: still being like largely in their looks um and men's
22:26
Speaker 1: value kind of being and more of the economic strength level,
22:31
Speaker 1: so that it's more acceptable to have a more attractive
22:34
Speaker 1: woman with a less attractive man than the other way around.
22:37
Speaker 1: When I think it'd be like, oh, he must pity
22:39
Speaker 1: her as opposed to a man, and with a more
22:42
Speaker 1: attractive woman it's like good for him. He yeah, bagged
22:47
Speaker 1: of a hot lady or whatever like have that sentiment
22:51
Speaker 1: was today phrasing bagged and then you went all schooled
22:55
Speaker 1: like a hot lady. I'm not good with the phrases today.
23:01
Speaker 1: I've never been cool with either. I appreciated it, well,
23:07
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you? Yeah. Another one, uh is our
23:14
Speaker 1: best friends, which again that makes sense to me, right,
23:18
Speaker 1: But you know I could never do this, So people
23:20
Speaker 1: that I friended, I couldn't date. I never I still
23:24
Speaker 1: to this day, if I am friends with you, you
23:26
Speaker 1: go beyond that and you become a sibling, and I
23:29
Speaker 1: don't know if it's not protective barrier and like I
23:31
Speaker 1: need you to remain safe for me or what. But
23:35
Speaker 1: that was never a thing if you're like maybe after
23:37
Speaker 1: the fact, yes, after the fact that we started the relationship,
23:40
Speaker 1: we grew and then you become a confident parts and
23:43
Speaker 1: I trust absolutely, But I could never be with someone
23:46
Speaker 1: who was a friend first. Yeah, I feel like it's
23:49
Speaker 1: sort of always backfired for me where and this is
23:55
Speaker 1: a lot more to do with like my own sexuality
23:57
Speaker 1: and stuff. But I thought we were friends and then
24:00
Speaker 1: he did not think that, um, and then moment. I
24:05
Speaker 1: don't have those moments. I have a few, but I
24:07
Speaker 1: think I shut it down so quickly that it becomes like, okay, yeah,
24:11
Speaker 1: we NI could never I have this weird like, oh
24:15
Speaker 1: you're my best friend. I would never touch you, like
24:17
Speaker 1: immediately type of conversation And I don't mean to, but
24:20
Speaker 1: it's just an automatic response for me. Uh. Speaking of
24:25
Speaker 1: which they have a lot of friends in common is
24:28
Speaker 1: what's also on the list, And I feel like that's
24:30
Speaker 1: a good and bad thing because what happens if you
24:32
Speaker 1: break up exactly you kind of know though, like where
24:35
Speaker 1: it's gonna split. You've got it in your head, like
24:38
Speaker 1: the divorce, and I think I made a list. It's like,
24:41
Speaker 1: these are the people you will not see ever again.
24:45
Speaker 1: If we break up, you just say you were aware.
24:51
Speaker 1: I feel like I have, like a lot of times
24:52
Speaker 1: I've had like my group of friends. They're a group
24:55
Speaker 1: of friends and we all become friends, but then when
24:57
Speaker 1: we break up, it's over. It's no longer. Yeah, sad,
25:01
Speaker 1: but you know it happens. Spends money in similar ways.
25:06
Speaker 1: I feel like that's a lot of practical applications, so
25:09
Speaker 1: that although that could also be a detriment if one
25:11
Speaker 1: person likes to spend a lot and the other person
25:13
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, me too, then you just both run
25:15
Speaker 1: out of money. Yeah, there could be problems for sure,
25:19
Speaker 1: But again I think there are a lot of a
25:21
Speaker 1: lot of fights do you stem from money or financial issues?
25:24
Speaker 1: So that also makes sense to me. That's always been
25:26
Speaker 1: one of those things where I might maybe because I
25:28
Speaker 1: remember coming in young seeing good relationships that we have
25:32
Speaker 1: different finances we keep. I was like, I think that's
25:34
Speaker 1: smart too, I was that was never a question. I
25:39
Speaker 1: was like, no, this is like we can have one
25:41
Speaker 1: account where we put all of our utilities and all
25:43
Speaker 1: of that, but everything else. My paycheck comes to mind,
25:46
Speaker 1: paycheck goes to yours, and then we put our little
25:48
Speaker 1: bits here. I agree, I agree. Well, here's an interesting one.
25:54
Speaker 1: Have sex at least once a week? Yeah, yeah, sure,
25:59
Speaker 1: why not? This one came from two thousand four, So
26:01
Speaker 1: I feel like it's a little dated, um, especially when
26:04
Speaker 1: we talk about the queer world actually coming out and
26:07
Speaker 1: having a conversation about what their sexuality means to them
26:11
Speaker 1: or it doesn't, and we're acknowledging and recognizing the differences.
26:15
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just my world because you're in my world,
26:17
Speaker 1: but I feel like we've become a lot more open
26:20
Speaker 1: and aware, um, and that sex shouldn't be the basis.
26:23
Speaker 1: And then again, the pandemic has taught us quite a
26:25
Speaker 1: bit about whether to do or we do without. Yeah,
26:28
Speaker 1: the numbers have changed a lot during this pandemic, which
26:33
Speaker 1: could be for stress reasons, could be for tons of stuff.
26:36
Speaker 1: But right, that's an interesting see. Oh and I love
26:39
Speaker 1: this last one because I feel like it should be
26:41
Speaker 1: with every relationship and not just couples, but celebrates each
26:45
Speaker 1: other's achievements and yes, if you're wanted to be jealous,
26:49
Speaker 1: then that's a problem. Yeah, for sure. I definitely dated
26:54
Speaker 1: the guy who never like every time I'd be like,
26:56
Speaker 1: oh I gotta raise, would be like silence, And then
26:58
Speaker 1: I think I might get job promotion. So he never
27:01
Speaker 1: would acknowledge any of my things that I accomplished. That's
27:06
Speaker 1: not cool. No, that's not cool. Remember it clearly many
27:10
Speaker 1: years ago, obviously. Like I think about this with my
27:12
Speaker 1: friends too, Like there are moments where I'm super jealous
27:14
Speaker 1: of my other friends and I'm like, oh my god,
27:16
Speaker 1: whatever whatnot, but also celebrating with them because you want
27:19
Speaker 1: them to have the best life. Just because you don't
27:21
Speaker 1: get that doesn't mean that they shouldn't either, Like it's
27:24
Speaker 1: such a weird thing, but yeah, but jealousy does occur.
27:27
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's me. But congrats. Yeah, I feel
27:33
Speaker 1: like I have a pretty I didn't used to. I
27:35
Speaker 1: was a pretty jealous kid when I was younger, but
27:38
Speaker 1: now I feel like I've got a healthy Like I
27:39
Speaker 1: am jealous for you, but happy for you. But yes,
27:43
Speaker 1: but yeah, I think it's always good to celebrate each other.
27:46
Speaker 1: And if you can't celebrate together, then what the freak's
27:49
Speaker 1: the point you know of being together? Like that's what
27:52
Speaker 1: you want, right, I feel like that makes things happy. Um,
27:55
Speaker 1: I will say right now, I'm in the process of
27:57
Speaker 1: possibly buying a house, y'all. Uh, my partner has been
28:01
Speaker 1: really great in my stressful moments of like can we
28:03
Speaker 1: celebrate though you're about to buy house, you know, like
28:05
Speaker 1: trying to remind me this is a good thing, even
28:07
Speaker 1: though I'm about to have a paintic attack every thirty seconds.
28:09
Speaker 1: So stuff like that. I feel like that's what makes
28:12
Speaker 1: a great relationship in general, not to brag that I
28:15
Speaker 1: have a great relationship, just in general, like knowing this
28:18
Speaker 1: is like, Okay, that's a plus, that's a great flag. Yes,
28:21
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, absolutely absolutely. Obviously, as we were talking
28:26
Speaker 1: about before, the number of statistics are ever changing. We
28:30
Speaker 1: talked a little bit about how the pandemic has affected couples,
28:32
Speaker 1: and many studies can be biased, like I said earlier,
28:35
Speaker 1: so it's always good to keep in mind when comparing
28:38
Speaker 1: your own situations to what we're talking about, because like,
28:41
Speaker 1: as we even talked about, like I don't think this
28:42
Speaker 1: is true for us individually, but that's always important to
28:47
Speaker 1: know that even though we have a generic, overarching like
28:51
Speaker 1: conversation about it, it doesn't fit everyone right right, absolutely absolutely,
28:58
Speaker 1: And happiness can look different way. Happy I can look
29:01
Speaker 1: different ways. And clearly we had a lot to say
29:03
Speaker 1: about this, and in fact we have even more to
29:06
Speaker 1: say about of course. Yes, I feel like this is
29:10
Speaker 1: part four. By now it's part four. We're doing a
29:12
Speaker 1: lot of the talk about happy yes, happy yes, well
29:16
Speaker 1: it's very important, um. And in part four we're going
29:19
Speaker 1: to talk about the happiest cities to be for women.
29:23
Speaker 1: So keep an eye out and ear out for that. UM.
29:27
Speaker 1: In the meantime, if you have any thoughts about this,
29:29
Speaker 1: you can emails the stuff me your mom stuff at
29:31
Speaker 1: ihart me dot com. You can find us on Twitter
29:32
Speaker 1: at months to podcast or on Instagram and stuff I
29:34
Speaker 1: ever told you. Thanks it's always to our super producer Christina.
29:37
Speaker 1: You make us happy. Christina, Yes, and thanks to you
29:40
Speaker 1: for listening stuff And I told the protection I high
29:42
Speaker 1: radio for more podcast in my heart radio radio app
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