Latest / The Midlife Pivot / Moving from Success to Significance w/ Barbara Guterman | 005
Transcript
- Amanda: Today's guest is someone who truly embodies so much of what the midlife pivot is all about. Reinvention, purpose, connection, and the belief that there is always another chapter waiting to be written. Barbara Gooderman is an entrepreneur, mentor, community builder, philanthropist, wife, mother of three grown sons, and the founder of Teach, Give, Inspire Fridays, better known as TGIF. Barbara's entrepreneurial journey began long before TGIF. In her twenties, she helped build one of the country's first competitive local telecommunications companies, which ultimately went public and grew to thousands of employees. Her career has taken her through multiple industries, businesses, leadership roles, and life stages. And perhaps one of Barbara's greatest gifts is her ability to bring people together. In 2018, she created TGIF around a beautifully simple idea. How do we get beyond? Hi, how are you? She wanted to create a space where women could have deeper conversations, where they could teach one another, give back to one another, inspire one another, and share the experiences that have shaped who they are. And in many ways, that is exactly what we hope to do here on the Midlife Pivot. Barbara has spent decades reinventing herself while also creating opportunities for other women to find their voices, tell their stories, and discover what's possible in their own lives. So today we're turning the tables. Barbara is usually the one giving other people the platform Barbara: Okay. Amanda: to tell their stories. Today we want to hear hers. Barbara, welcome to the Mid Life Pivot. Welcome. Barbara: my goodness, it's such a joy to be here. I am so thrilled for both of you. Congratulations. And to be able to work with your mother. what a gift. Amanda: What a gift. Thank you. I don't take it for granted for a minute, as you know that. Barbara: No. Amanda: I am truly blessed. And you know what, Barbara? We we've launched this purely with the knowledge of wanting to have fun going forward. And if we can help people along the way, if we can educate people along the way, that's a bonus. But we certainly are excited about having you know different folks come on with different pivots in their lives as well as kind of. Helping folks along the way in this next stage of life. So you were undoubtedly to me one of the best people that I know took the leap of faith in your midlife and created this midlife pivot. And we're gonna we're gonna chat to you about this incredible journey that you've been on. So Mom, why don't you kick it off? Okay, let's go all the way back to the beginning. You were an entrepreneur. At an incredibly young age and achieved tremendous success very early in your career. Who was that young Barbara Gutterman? And where did that drive and confidence come from? Barbara: Well, when I think back to that time in my life, it's one of the things when like you're a mother and you have young children in their twenties, and one of the things about being so young and naive is that you don't know what you don't know. Which means you don't know that you can't. And so you think that you can. And I was so fortunate to have both strong role models, business role models and mentor role models, and both of my parents who were very brave and just took on. On the world, and so I thought I could too, and I just dove right in when I saw an opportunity to do that. And I think sometimes in life opportunities present themselves and we don't see them as such, and then we think, why hasn't something happened for me? So I really love that when a door opens, I just allow myself to walk through it sometimes fearlessly because you have to operate that way. Amanda: couldn't say that is any better advice than you could give to somebody who's thinking about what this next chapter in their life looks like. And that's beautiful. All right. Well, your life has had several distinct chapters. As we said, entrepreneur, business leader, wife, mother, mentor, philanthropist, community builder. Was there a particular moment when you realized that success could mean something very different? In one chapter of your life than it did in another. Barbara: That is such an interesting question, Amanda. I'm at this moment, I'm preparing to give a keynote in November, and the topic is moving from success to significance. And so I've had a lot of time to think about well, what did success mean versus what does significant mean? And success to me means achieving a particular milestone, getting to a place, planting your flag and saying, I got there. Well, significance is really more about what you're leaving behind. Who have you touched along the way? What have you built? What have you left inside of someone? That will enhance their life and make it better. So, success to me has been different in every part of my life. But I really don't define my life that way. I really love to look back and see the people who have impacted me and created significance for me. And then in turn, who are those people that I can add significance to their life as well? And so in every chapter, I'm blessed to say that there were so many people who left imprints on my life. and I hope that there were so many people whose lives I've imprinted as well. And so success I think can be defined however you want it. Significance is really just about leaving a little piece of yourself behind. Amanda: Wonderfully, wonderfully said. I do think that that's wonderfully said. And I have to say, having been a part of your beautiful creation in TGIF, I can say that. You changed my life by giving me an opportunity to stand up and give to others and explain, you know, my journey in infertility and just give that little bit of hope that one can have. So what you've just said resonated because that's how I felt after having that opportunity. Barbara: And I believe every woman has a voice, every woman has a story, and everyone defines success differently. I think the first step being successful is just being willing to put yourself out there and be courageous. And so that in and of itself is success. Amanda: Well, it comes to my next question. One of the things that we talk about constantly on the midlife pivot is identity. When you've spent years defining yourself through a career, motherhood, marriage, or caring for others, it can be difficult to ask, who am I now? Have you ever had to wrestle with that question yourself? Barbara: my goodness, I have wrestled with it at every turn in my life. Every single turn, because we often need to become different people and play different Amanda: Mm-hmm. Barbara: roles depending on what is happening in my life. So I had built this beautiful career, as you said, for you know, fifteen, twenty years. And then I went on a blind date and met my husband, who Amanda: Yeah. Barbara: had a 10-year-old son who had just lost his mother. And so in a moment, I Became mother with no practice, no rehearsal, and my role had to shift. And it wasn't always easy, but I used the same foundations that I always had, firm feet on the ground, knowing who I was. Which really ultimately was a caring, loving individual who was now devoted to this precious child. And then as we had more children and I became a mother and our family grew and the dynamics changed, I was a full-time mom, leaving behind all of my career aspirations. But that was my job, so I was going to do the best I could with it. And when they were ready and able to fly, I then returned to the workforce. So it's always a matter of just knowing where you are. You two have the luxury of having this beautiful relationship, and you're so young and vital, Nissette. But oftentimes the next Amanda: Thank you. Barbara: pivot that we have to make is caring for elderly parents. And so when that time came, God bless, I was willing to do that and able to do that for both my mother and my husband's father. And after that happened, then I was able to return to something else. So I think at every turn, life has always handed me what I like to say is a sharp right turn. And I just Amanda: Yeah. Barbara: I just follow the curve of the road, take whatever next, give a hundred percent, and then return to myself. Amanda: You're a very special wise woman. That's how you come across, really. And it's an inspiration to listen to you. It really is. And I think also you do it with Barbara: thank you. Thank you. Amanda: such grace, Barbara. That's one thing about you that I've always found. You are just so beautiful and eloquent and and do everything that you do with such grace. And again, I've been able to witness I'm fortunate enough to have, you just down the street, but being able to witness certainly what you've accomplished with TGIF has been So profound, and honestly, I I I I am so proud of you. Amazing, amazing. Talking about TGIF, TGIF grew Barbara: Think. Yes. Amanda: from your desire to get women beyond the words, hi, how are you? what were you seeing or perhaps missing in your own life that made you realize women were craving deeper, more authentic connections? Barbara: I had just come out of the period of 15 years where I was focused solely on raising two little boys, both who had developmental delays. And I knew when they were diagnosed at very young ages that my job was to be the CEO of my children and that was it. And so I utilized every resource I had at my disposal to what I called rescue and recover them. And I said, when willing when that period of time, God willing, is over and my boys are okay, I will Reinvent myself somehow. And then when I was ready to do that, I realized I wasn't sure who was going to be on that journey with me, how I was going to do it. And I found myself in the grocery store all the time because I had three sons. And I would Amanda: Yeah. Barbara: run into these women, and they were so polite and and kind. And I would say, Hi, how are you? How are your children? and they would say, Great, how are you? And it was so shallow. We would walk away, I would be in the spaghetti food aisle, and realize I still know nothing about her and she still knows nothing about me. And I thought, well, if that's the case, other women are feeling that way too. And so I went on an exploratory journey for an entire year, and I made it my lifes work at that moment to ask a follow-up question to everyone I met to see if I couldn't intentionally develop more intentional communication, follow-up communication, deeper communication, and it worked. And so I was so inspired by just that one follow-up question to everyone, and it would come across as if, for instance, there was a woman who I used to be in spin class with. It turns out our children work together, we never would have known, you know, and so relationships started to develop, and then I had a girlfriend who was writing a book about a tragedy that had happened in her life and I said you know I think I could get 25 women in my living room and I think you should come talk to us about this because it's an important topic. And she said great and then I said well well if we're gonna have you let's have another woman maybe she can talk about philanthropy and giving And then maybe we can find someone else who will talk about an inspiring journey there on. And so TGIF actually just grew organically out of this desire to connect women through an important message that I felt like needed to be heard. And so here we are, eight years later, thousands of women have come to TGIF to learn and listen. 85 beautiful speakers like yourself, Amanda, have shared your stories to impact other women's lives to let women know they're not alone and that there is just so much more to who we are and how we can share with one another and help each other grow. Amanda: Well, pertaining to exactly what you're saying, you've heard so many women stand up at TGIF and share deeply personal stories about success, lost resilience, reinvention and purpose. What have those women taught you about navigating change and the different seasons of life? Barbara: Honestly, I can say that I have learned something from every single speaker. Every single speaker. And it's always different because I asked them to think about what is one nugget that you want to share and leave with this group. Because you know, we have the capacity to remember a lot of things, but it's important to remember maybe one thing from each speaker. And I remember there was a woman who had lost a child, and she shared a beautiful story about. Grief and joy coexisting at the same time. And in life, that's so true. We're always dealing with happy, sad together. And her message to us was how do we find a way to allow those emotions, those feelings, those realities to coexist? And another powerful story that I remember was a woman who had had a horrific breast cancer journey, and she was well on the other side of it. And she did not want to be tethered to that story because it pulled her back and she She was interested in moving forward. So I always remembered the message of not being tethered to our old stories, our past stories, even though they're part of our history and who and have made us who we are, but sometimes they didn't allow us to move forward. So I find that there is beauty in the message that every single speaker has to share. And I try to use those messages in my life moving forward. Amanda: Amazing. Amazing. all right. So with that being said, then many women do reach this midlife and suddenly have an idea, a dream, or a desire to do something completely different. But fear gets in the way, and I can certainly attest to that. This was the most scariest thing that I thought that I was going to do in, you know, creating this podcast and being out there and people judging and looking and questioning. But You having reinvented yourself multiple times, what would you say to, like myself, women thinking I'm too old, it's too late, I wouldn't even know where to begin? What would be your suggestion? Barbara: You're never too old, it's never too late, and no one does you better than you. So there are lots of podcasts in the world. You could have been comparing yourself to everyone out there and saying, my, well, we're just starting, and so perhaps no. No. I think comparison to others just steals our joy and our opportunity. So I believe every woman has the ability to just use all of the gifts that we have accumulated over all this time to put together something so meaningful, whatever that is, whether it's playing mahjong. I know I have a girl just launched a new Mahjong company and that's not a new game but it's her twist on it. So we all have the opportunity I think to bring our unique gifts to what's ever next and to do you the best way you do you. Amanda: Beautiful. You've described an important philosophy in your life as being a loving, powerful force for positive change. Has the way you define purpose changed as you've gotten older? And what gives you the greatest sense of purpose today? Barbara: So, what you just described was a personal mission statement that I wrote for myself when I was 22 years old. And I have lived my entire life into that mission statement because it allows me to navigate all of the opportunities and all of the roads that I've traveled. If such an opportunity is aligned with my Personal mission, which is to have a powerful loving impact on myself and other people, then I say yes, I say yes to that opportunity. If something that shows up is not aligned with my personal values, my core values, then it's not right for me and I know it. So I encourage women to to know what their true purpose is so that they can align. Future opportunities with that. I would have to say, what gives me purpose right now, if I'm being completely honest, are my two grandchildren who are four and turning four and six and the greatest joys of my life. And also I'm now chairing the board of a Jewish nursing home community in St. Petersburg, Florida, that bears both of my parents' names on the building. the founder 40 years ago of this building in honor of my father, her husband who had passed away. And today I get the privilege of being the chairman of the board of that organization. And so I walk down that driveway and I am so proud to walk into that building every day and carry on her legacy. Amanda: That's beautiful. Really wonderful inspiration, I'm telling you. I've got tears in my voice. I agree. I agree. Well, I mean, that's talking about giving back. So let's talk about giving back because service does seem to run almost through everything that you've done. Why do you believe that giving becomes such an important part of finding meaning or perhaps even finding ourselves in the stage of life? Barbara: Well, as I just mentioned, I had these two little boys who were struggling to talk and to reach the typical milestones that young children reach. And I remember early on saying to myself, Dear God, if my boys make it through this, I will spend the rest of my days paying it forward. For other families who may not be so fortunate. And so I jumped into the organization which you all know is KEAN, which stands for Kids Enjoy Exercise Now, a nonprofit that supports young people with autism and other intellectual and developmental disabilities. And it's absolutely my pure joy to do that, to support these families, because I was so lucky. And I feel the same way about some of the other charities that I'm involved in. One of the other ones so close to my heart is So What Else. And I remember going to a food distribution pantry, by the way, they're the largest food bank in Montgomery County. And I remember taking my son on a Thanksgiving to provide food to the community by helping to serve when they were giving food to to those who were hungry. And we pulled into the parking lot of Lake Forest Mall and there was a line four hundred people deep around the mall. It was thirty degrees outside and there were folks that were rolling roller bags and suitcases so they could fill their suitcases with food. And the moment I saw that I started to cry and my son said, Mom, why are you crying? And I said, look, these people are all hungry. And that's something we'll never have to worry about. And so that philosophy of paying it forward, recognizing how grateful I am for the opportunities that I've had, allows me to just know that we can pay it forward, we can make life a little easier, better, kinder, more loving for other people who may not be so fortunate. Amanda: Unbelievable. You're constantly introducing women, mentoring entrepreneurs, building communities, creating opportunities for other people. What have you learned about the importance of having a tribe as we get older? And how do we intentionally create new friendships and relationships when our lives begin to change? Barbara: It's an excellent question, and that's something Amanda, you and I have talked about, when I was younger and I knew I needed to devote myself to my children's journey. I said, whoever is left standing at the end of the day, those people will be my tribe. and they were. And we I think we all know a lot of people, we're close to a lot of people. A lot of people think they're close to us, but at the end of the day, I think women have this nuclear core of. Of girlfriends that get us through the best and the worst of times and thank God for them. And then we have the ability to expand that circle and reach out into other parts of the community and create spokes on our wheel. And there's a lot of wonderful different ways to do that. I know for you, Amanda. was really tapping into the to the Peloton community, Amanda: Mm-hmm. Barbara: you know, and and those women, even though they were on the screen, became dear, dear friends, right? you shared experiences and so the same has been true for me in my charitable work but also in my social work. I love pickleball and one of the things I love about it is how social it is and my gym time is social with my girlfriend. So I think we all need to be buoyed by both the the very strong relationships we have in that inner circle those girls that we know are gonna be with us no matter what but we also need community in other ways to keep us buoyed and keep us going. And so I encourage women to have multiple sources of connections throughout Amanda: Right. Barbara: the community because they bring you different things. Amanda: Yeah, I reference back to Mel Robbins and she says that. She says we find different people in our lives who create different necessities for us at that time in our life, you know, whether it be through high school, college, motherhood, and then post. It everybody brings a different dynamic into our worlds. And that's exactly what you're saying. And we have to cherish those. And and sometimes people come and go and we recognize that. Not everybody stays, you know, there's not everybody that will stay in our life, because then we'll just be There'll be an abundance of people and we won't be able to give up ourselves to everybody. So some do, you know, move and shift. And I'm sure you've seen that. And someone that's, you know, had to emigrate and leave friends behind. You keep them there. They're always there in your life. But your relationships with people do tend to change. And you've just said that so beautifully, and that how we navigate that as we get older and maintain those different connections. All right. Well, we do like to end every conversation. By bringing it back to the idea behind the podcast. When you look at Barbara today, not the younger entrepreneur, not the mother raising three boys, not even the woman who founded TJIF, but the woman you are right now. What is your midlife pivot and what are you still excited to become? Barbara: I'm so excited about transferring the focus from myself in any way to other women. And what I mean by that is, I've had my chance to have my voice and to build what I've built. But it's really not about me anymore. It's about the women. That have been built in the process. And so my my pivot now is to coach. other women to share their stories not just on the TGIF stage but beyond. And I am so excited to be working with women to help them really pull together their own life story so they can share it in a meaningful way in their communities or where they see their careers taking them. I'm really delighted to now have the opportunity to do that and to be able to shift the focus. From myself to other women who's now their time to shine. Amanda: But that's amazing. And just having women find their voice. Because we all have it. I think we're just always a little intimidated in using it. But you being able to provide the skills that you have and the experience that you've had with the women. And I know the coaching that you gave me before, you know, TGIF and feeling that sense of, you know, I had been in a career for a long time, but speaking in front of people that weren't familiar with me in that career, you gave me that ability to have that voice. And I even look at it today, in having the courage and the confidence in being able to launch something like this, which hopefully can then again give women that hope, or anybody, not even just women, anybody. Men too tend to feel intimidated sometimes in a way that isn't obnoxious, in a way that you're able to really share your voice. And you being able to do this now with The coaching is is phenomenal and I think so many people need that. amazing. All right. Well, we're gonna have a little bit of fun. You weren't expecting this, but we're gonna throw this out to you. We're gonna ask you ten rapid fire questions. Don't overthink these. just give Barbara: Okay, I'm ready. okay. Nope. Amanda: us the first answer that comes to mind. And mom, why don't you kick it off? Okay, here we go. Early bird or night owl? Heels or sneakers? Barbara: Heels. Amanda: Dinner party at home or dinner after? Barbara: Dinner party at home. Amanda: What's one thing you wish your forty year old self had known? Barbara: Don't worry about being too thin. Stop the dieting. Amanda: Brilliant. Brilliant. What's something you've gotten much better at saying no to? Barbara: I've gotten better at saying no to things that are no longer aligned with my mission, Amanda: And what's something you'll almost always say yes to? Barbara: Babysitting. Amanda: Love it. Brilliant. If you suddenly had an entire day with absolutely nothing on your calendar, how would you spend it? Barbara: would get up and go to the gym and then I would probably come home and work and work on training with other women. and I might do a little shopping in between. Amanda: Okay, good. Love it. All right. What's one thing about getting older that you absolutely love? Barbara: I love that I do not have to make excuses for myself. I love that I'm just giving myself permission to be exactly who I am at this moment in time. Amanda: Finish this sentence at this point in my life I have absolutely no time for Barbara: Regrets. Amanda: And finally, what's one thing you haven't done yet that you still can't wait to do? Barbara: That's so hard. I think you just found my weakness. I'm not such a good dreamer. I'm a better doer. So I I think maybe traveling a little bit more, having a little more freedom would be something that I'm looking looking forward to. thank you. Thank you. Amanda: It's a great one. That's a great one. You deserve it with everything you do, really. You're a wonderful person, Barbara. And to end off, Barbara, because you've spent years asking other women to teach, give, and inspire. We're going to turn your own words back to you. What is one thing you would teach women in midlife, one way you believe we should give, and one thought you would leave us with? to inspire us as we step into our next chapter. Barbara: So, one thing I would teach would be to tell women there is no one better to tell your story better than you. So to step into your own personal power, no matter where you are at that moment in time. And in terms of giving, I think we all have so much more to give than we actually do. And giving doesn't have to be monetary. It can be giving in terms of your time, or just giving in terms of your attention to someone, or giving that woman in the grocery store where I spend a lot of time who needs someone to smile at her just that little extra moment. So moments of kindness is also considered in my book big giving. inspiration, when I when I think about inspiration, I think about my own mother. Blessed memory. And when I asked her shortly before she passed away if she had any regrets, she said to me, No, dear Barbie, look at all the fun that we've had, look at all the good that we've done, and look at all the lives that we've changed. So, and I'm telling you honestly, she passed away two days later, but my mantra since that moment has been to have fun, to do good, and to change lives. So she can continues to inspire me every day. Amanda: Beautifully said. Beautiful, Donia. You couldn't have ended this any more beautifully. I think you we have to end it because I'm gonna be in a a a snutty mess in a minute. Because you've truly made me you know, Barbara: Okay. Thank you for the opportunity to share Amanda: Barbara, yes. I mean, being able to have the privilege of doing this with my mom and your words that you've just said are truly my purpose, and I am so blessed and to have Women like you or people like you come on the podcast and and share something that I've been so inspired by, and I've said this too many times, so inspired by is truly a privilege. So I am so grateful that you have given me the time. I know Barbara: Thank you. Thank you. Amanda: that we are in embryo stage and you were at I mean, there wasn't even a question when I asked you, you were like, Of course I want to be on and y this is why I wanted you on. And this you're amazing. I hope a lot of people listen to you because honestly and truly I get choked up when you speak because you are a remarkable person and you give inspiration. So I'm really and truly hoping that people out there are going to listen and take a little bit from you. And that's great way Barbara: Thank you, Nassat. Amanda: to to end this because I always say to folks please Make sure that you do share. Share our episodes. You know, subscribe to our channel. We're on all the podcast platforms on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Podcasts. make sure that you're letting other people know about us because women like Barbara are a gift, and everybody should be able to have the opportunity to hear somebody that is so powerful, so inspirational, and so beautiful. And I am truly honored and blessed. So from us here at the Midlife Barbara: Thank you. Amanda: Pivot. We say. We say. We say thank you for joining us and we will see you next time.