Latest / Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily / Scarred by Emily McIntire - A Dark Lion King Re-telling that No-one Asked For

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Scarred by Emily McIntire - A Dark Lion King Re-telling that No-one Asked For · Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily

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Hi friends, you're listening to Lose the Plot with Carla and
0:03
Emily. In this episode we're reading
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Scarred by Emily McIntyre. We're talking about the entire
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book, so warning, there will be spoilers.
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I'm Carla and we're the same country, yet we're worlds apart.
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I'm Emily. Liquid is always oozing from his
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tip. He's an oozy goyle.
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He's a pussy boy. Before we plunge into the depths
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of our dark tale, we have a humble request.
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If you've found solace in our past episodes, if our stories
0:48
have intertwined with your soul, consider this plea.
0:52
Grasp the quill of fate. Inscribe 5 shimmering stars upon
0:56
our knee in the realm where our echoes resonate.
1:00
Your words, like the ink of night, shall guide lost souls to
1:04
our forbidden rendezvous. And you should hold secret,
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shared only with kindred spirits.
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Whisper our name into the shadows of their hearts.
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Your alliance fuels our fire, igniting the passion that binds
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us. Thank you, dear Listener, for
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embracing the shadows within us before we go into our lovely
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trigger warnings. We have been ill.
1:26
Emily has consistently been sick for like.
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Three months. Emily's been gently kicking the
1:32
bucket with her toe for months on it.
1:35
You know, we had a good run. We almost had two years.
1:38
Well, it was like at least 18 months where we were solid.
1:42
We were pumping these puppies out every single fortnight and
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then we just, we've been. I got hit with a it like not
1:49
even just with a mild sickness, I got hit with a bat like
1:51
multiple. Times after each other.
1:54
I was willing to share the blame but then I realised I never it
1:56
was. One it was me.
1:57
It did though. Did I cancel one?
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No. I felt like I did because I had
2:02
something gone. Yeah, but I was already sick.
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OK, that's fine. I couldn't breathe.
2:08
Well, nothing irks me more than people talking about how sick
2:11
they are, so let's. OK, sorry.
2:15
I just mean, you know, at the start of an episode, like you've
2:17
never listened to a podcast before and you click into it and
2:20
this is the first one you've ever listened to.
2:22
And they're talking about them, their husband, their child's
2:25
child. And like, they're like, how have
2:27
you been? And they're you're like, I've
2:28
just been shitting myself for days.
2:30
And then I'm like, I don't know you guys.
2:32
So guaranteed, if you're newly listening, we never talk about
2:35
ourselves ever in our lives. It's not interesting.
2:38
This is the most we've ever talked about ourselves, just
2:41
FYI. We like to keep it on point here
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now. I'm like if there's anything you
2:46
now know about me is that as my immunity is low.
2:50
Immunity is low, but the will is high.
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The will to survive is strong. It's barely there.
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Oh, so let's get started with our trigger warnings.
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I found these from the author's website.
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Explicit sexual scenes, graphic violence, gore, torture, murder,
3:06
suicide, Physical assault, Extreme physical bullying, Child
3:10
abuse, Sexual assault. Not between the main characters.
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I was fine with the entire book, but when he was cutting off the
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skin from that guy's fingers, I was like, not a fan.
3:23
It was a very vivid. Too much description.
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I was more disgusted by the sex scenes but.
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No, no, I don't even. I don't even care.
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There's a reason why and we'll get into.
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It later I I think I know the reason so it's fine.
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Why does it have to start with the death?
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Immediately. It would never be a dark romance
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if there was no mother and no father.
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Oh. Literally everyone's parents are
3:48
dead, deceased, so it's starting off really well, just everyone's
3:54
dead. Very even.
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More. That's the girls go E 19.
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Hundreds. Wait, where is this set?
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1910 That's why everyone's parents dead.
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Syphilis. The Black Plague.
4:10
Girl I had to look up what they wear because I read corset and I
4:14
was like fuck they're in full Queen Elizabeth attire.
4:17
You know what and why I've never gotten into Bridgeton.
4:20
I love Bridgeton. I've never gotten into it
4:22
because all I can think about I've been destroyed by TikTok is
4:25
how they don't bathe and they're all wearing the britches
4:28
scissors and they're all getting all up in each other's.
4:31
Nah, you need knickerbockers. You need to watch it.
4:34
But the pong, Emily, the pong. They don't look pongy though.
4:39
That reminds me of something very important.
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Oh, you've never read Theron of Glass?
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Anyway, is that the important part?
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That I've never read it. Oh.
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Look at. This beautiful OK, Matt
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Schofield did this art thing and the man looks like he stinks and
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it's what do. You.
4:56
Mean phenomenal. I'll show you.
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Wait. Yeah.
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OK. Is this a character?
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From It's a bad Yeah, it's a bad character.
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Oh. So is this a fan art drawer or
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something? Yeah, she does like.
5:07
Portraits. She's doing a.
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Portrait Why is he staring deep into my?
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Soul feral, but she captured it beautifully.
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Sorry, OK, off track, but on track again.
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It's I've been every day I wake up and I'm like.
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Oh, there's another one. Do you have the notifications?
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On yes, of course you do. Can you DM that to me?
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I don't know why I need it. I need it.
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You do. It might convince you to read
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it, Michael. Look how.
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Hot half of them are, some of them sexy.
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You can't tell me you would not. Oh, no.
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You I. Don't like square foreheads?
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Sorry. That's.
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Very not for me. Fair.
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You know what fair this man? Hottest man in the series?
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It's giving extremely homosexual.
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It's. Giving he's going nowhere near
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my. Historian forever.
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Oh, OK, off track, I know. People.
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We're talking about death of parents straight away.
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Wait, we need to review the sound effects because it's being
6:13
too long. OK, so come on.
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Toilet, sad music, doorbell and then the police.
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And then so we know a lot of toilet sounds, I know.
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We need. Them we do.
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That's fit where I feel like we're going.
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Yes. Oh, can I just say that I'm kind
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of low key glad that you were sick for ages because.
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It took me forever. This plot coming right after us
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reading Powerless was exactly the same fucking plot that I
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feel like I left that book and just entered this book and it
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was like I just a repeat. I'm not going to lie, the first
6:52
couple of chapters I was like, it took me forever, but then
6:56
something magical happened in my brain and for some unreal reason
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I was down bad for Tristan. I'm shocked no I'm sure I'll
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change my opinion after we have this conversation but I was like
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this man sounds fucking hot to me.
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Don't know what happened, it's. OK, if I take if I it's probably
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wrong. If we take out all the parts
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where with him pre coming every 5 minutes.
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Sexiest man alive. OK, that's a lot to take out
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though. It's the whole book.
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It's. Yeah, it's half of his entire.
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It's every single every single scene.
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It is. Although.
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Let's just lean into it for months because we're always
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whiny bitches. So if you want to thirst after
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Tristan and let's do something like, you know.
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What though we love a good slut shaming of a man?
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There's nothing to slut shame. He's not a slut.
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I feel like he was a slut, just he.
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Never bring it up, he never minimum.
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And you know what I know? The bare minimum.
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Every single time I was like he's either talking about her
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with his Dick in mind. Or.
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I think the thing that was getting me was every time he
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described her, he would be less. She is the most beautiful thing
8:02
ever. It's an auntie man.
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This is the problem. He's like the lights just
8:06
hitting her skin beautifully, the specks in her eyes.
8:08
It's the only time a man in a book has actually paid attention
8:12
to the female character. But I'm not sure he likes
8:15
anything else about her, so it's hard.
8:17
I mean, his requirements were not very high.
8:20
It was kind of like female pulse.
8:23
Pretty, I feel. Like he's the kind of guy who
8:25
would go for an Argo. Yeah.
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He would, I feel like he would like, I feel like he's not
8:32
picky. I don't know.
8:35
That's just I feel like he I feel like he is picky.
8:38
Otherwise, that rebel goggly. Hot though, do you?
8:40
Don't you think he's Yeah. Hot?
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Yeah. He's not hot hot.
8:43
He's not traditionally hot. He's not hot.
8:45
No, but he's not like Pete Davidson.
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Ugg hot. Like that's true Ugg.
8:49
I feel like he's between. He's like Bill Skarsgard.
8:52
Ugly, hot. Yeah, yeah.
8:53
Yeah. Yeah.
8:53
Yeah. Yeah.
8:54
Yeah. Yeah.
8:54
Yeah. Yeah.
8:55
Yeah. Yeah.
8:55
Yeah. Yeah.
8:55
Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Covenant tattoos, yeah.
8:58
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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He's not with you care, I think like back.
9:01
It's the suspenders and it's the rolls.
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Remembering it's 1910. I think I have a 1910 girly so
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the man. It's OK.
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Yeah. It's OK, he got suspended.
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It's. OK that he is not there in the
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brain. So is he giving early Peaky
9:20
blunders? Maybe.
9:21
No. Wait, in the 1930s.
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When's Peaky Blinders? Google.
9:30
Google come help us. Piggy pie.
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Imagine if I had a lady in waiting like you're glad to come
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here. Can we talk?
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About why? OK, why?
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I'm going to finish. This.
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OK, Piggy Pines is 1919, so same time period.
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That's what I was thinking. Yeah.
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But why does this feel like the fucking 1600s though?
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Fucks me. It's giving stench.
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She bathes a lot, this man, I don't know if he did.
10:00
I'm thinking. He's stent just because he
10:01
smokes joints all the time. Bro.
10:04
That's a red flag for me too. It was all together too much
10:07
weed. Yeah, but you know.
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I mean, it's 1910, maybe the. Suspenders.
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All I'm saying is I don't know what happened to my reign, but
10:20
by the end of it, if I just didn't think about the fact that
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his penis was constantly hard, yeah, I was here for it.
10:27
But it's very much giving mild fantasy.
10:31
But they just don't want to put any effort into the plot.
10:34
I think that's may be why I liked it more.
10:36
I like fantasy. Let.
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Go. OK, I'll try and let go.
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To be fair, if I was picked between hooked and scarred.
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I picked scars I would not fucking pick hooked.
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Hooked was so bad that it almost elevated scarred.
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If you it did though, it did. If you ever start the series,
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skip hooked. It's horrible.
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It's horrible Lisa villains in this story made fucking sense
10:58
through and through. All kinda.
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You. Know what though?
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This. One is based on The Lion King.
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Yes, leave the animals out of it, Believe I'm out of it.
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The amount of times that I was like, why are we bringing the
11:14
innocent beautiful African animal anima moles?
11:17
Into this anemones. Anemones Adam Animos like why
11:21
are we bringing? Them into it.
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I'd start seriously reading this book.
11:25
I'd be like, yeah, OK, sometimes I lower my breakdown, don't get
11:28
me wrong. And then they'd be like the
11:30
jackals in the shadow lane. I'm like fuck.
11:33
You know. You've taken me out again.
11:35
They'd be like, like the wildebeests pounding the hooves
11:38
in my heart. I'd be like what did the?
11:41
Will this do? To deserve this slander.
11:44
What are they doing apart from getting extinct?
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Little tiger, I'm like. Oh.
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Little dough I'm. Just going to plead the 5th.
11:51
Little piece of dough. Just keep everything to myself
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about it. No go.
11:56
Go for gold. I already said it's just like,
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what did they do? Carla woke up today and she was
12:02
like, I'm going to try my best to be positive.
12:06
No, that is what I said and I will try.
12:10
You don't have to, I believe. No, I believe I can do this for
12:13
one day. I.
12:14
Believe. I.
12:17
Can play, I believe. I can touch.
12:19
The sky. I believe we're off track again.
12:24
What? The fuck?
12:27
OK, Sarah is her name. Sarah B.
12:31
Sarah B. Sarah B.
12:33
Sarah B. Wait, what's that?
12:36
That song M to the B, Sarah to the B, It's MMM to the B.
12:43
Actually, how did you go with the audible?
12:45
Because I listened to a sample. Not for me.
12:49
I never register. The accents.
12:52
The voices because, you know, I have to have it on 2 speed.
12:56
Oh, OK, because my brain is so. Down bad for the guy that did.
13:01
Me just calling. No, not for this one.
13:03
So the guy that did powerless, he's done another book that's
13:06
coming out soon and they've done little snippets online.
13:08
I'm like. My God you should start stalking
13:10
his Instagram. I don't.
13:12
I think it's all private. Nothing walking.
13:15
You in advance. Not them knowing I.
13:19
Thought audible people were like all private so you don't know
13:22
who they are. I assume that's depending on how
13:24
what kind of life they want to live.
13:26
If people liked my voice, are you kidding me?
13:29
I'd have the most public Instagram in the world.
13:31
I sound like a rat, so it's not me.
13:35
So, Sarah B, what is that? A Sarabi?
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Yeah. What is that a say about Sarabi?
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She is a loser, one who doesn't question their weird fucking
13:48
uncle and their warpath against the king.
13:51
And also, when did you wake up and go?
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You know what? I'm a killer king.
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Why is Rafiki the bad guy in all this though?
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How did that? Happen, Uncle Rafe, Stop.
14:02
Stop who? The fuck is Xander the?
14:05
Characters didn't make any sense.
14:07
Shazu. Who's Sazu?
14:09
The little bird. Yeah, no, in this not a clue.
14:12
No, he's the cousin of Sarabi. Oh, OK, 'cause in the prologue I
14:19
was like Xander, That makes no sense.
14:21
And then they were like Alexander.
14:22
I was like, is there two? Nah, it was too confusing.
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Nickname. Yep.
14:26
OK, the prologue. Was.
14:28
Fucking horrible. Not the writing style, I think
14:31
it's just my brain. I could.
14:32
I was like, what is happening? I who is who?
14:35
I think I was going. Out by then.
14:36
That was the 1st 10 pages. What am I thinking of the
14:41
Everlogue? Yeah.
14:43
Prologue. I don't even wait because I did
14:45
start this literally over a month ago, remember?
14:48
So I got like halfway. It was just, I didn't.
14:50
It didn't make sense to me. But also I'm stupid.
14:53
Let's be real. It's not Emily, that's all.
14:55
It's just this Emily's fault. When I was just thinking too
14:58
much about powerless that I kind of.
15:00
Yeah anyway I don't know how Sarah comes into the marriage of
15:06
Michael because she is just the daughter of some random broke
15:10
ass Duke. How is she their family broke
15:13
but son of her uncle is the what is that the 2nd to the king?
15:18
Was it the? Commander in chief or something?
15:21
Or whatever it is, it's been a while like yeah, because.
15:24
Silver used to be a prosperous village or whatever.
15:28
But like. How are they broke?
15:30
And they're not going like Silver is broke.
15:33
Why all the effort when the the cousin is there?
15:38
I know he's the hand of the closet right there.
15:43
Need to be betrothed to him. No, I'm like he's.
15:46
Well, they come in clutch with her.
15:47
She's being bred to be your queen.
15:50
Bitch. Get a queen from somewhere else.
15:52
I. Just but Prince Michael, he's a
15:55
hoe. He's a hoe.
15:56
Went through. He's a bastard son with the
15:58
help. He almost had another one.
16:01
Simone. Simba.
16:03
Simone. Simone fucking names.
16:08
Yeah. So Simon was with one of the
16:11
made ladies, Yes? Don't care.
16:15
Don't care the. Only reason why he was there is
16:17
to make Tristan look good. Fucking.
16:19
Hate the small child to make the bad guy look good trope.
16:22
Nothing irks me more except for galas.
16:26
You must have been struggling. No, at that point I had lost all
16:29
sense of. You can't.
16:32
You can't pick a book and just like this and just assume
16:35
there'd be no galas. Of course, look at this point,
16:38
I'm sad when there's three. When there's one, it barely
16:44
blips on my blood pressure. Oh yeah, yeah.
16:47
Three, my top's about to come off.
16:50
It was in the first couple of chapters.
16:52
My head, not my bra. The titties are away.
16:57
The titties. The titties are safe inside.
17:04
Inverse. They're going back in just a bit
17:08
cold, you know? Yeah.
17:11
Honestly my stand like so low Tristan is never cold because
17:14
these balls are always. Quivering, quaking, aching.
17:18
Leaking. Oozing.
17:19
OK, what? Point does pre calm just become
17:22
calm because the amount of pre calm that he calm is just.
17:27
Calm. How?
17:28
Is it that he was constantly pre coming, constantly hard?
17:32
And why? OK, why did I need to know that
17:35
she had a Bush and he was not circumcised?
17:38
OK, I must have missed. Yeah, yeah, uncircumcised.
17:42
Oh, there was a point where she's like when I pulled the
17:44
skin down or something. You would me, baby.
17:46
Nothing. In my mouth.
17:48
I don't know what we need to know.
17:50
I think it's the animal thing again.
17:51
I'm like, yeah, it makes sense because in 1910 they don't know
17:54
shit. True, but he's pulling out a
17:56
shit razor, right? Now, but the amount of OK
17:58
between the and you know what I went back through and I looked
18:03
for every time the cum was leaking.
18:05
It was a lot. And you know what though?
18:06
But she read it differently every single time so it was hard
18:10
to find. Actually, I wrote it down.
18:12
Terrible liquid oozes from the tip, bead of cum drips out, drop
18:17
of cum creating a string of wetness or drips from the tip.
18:19
Oh my God, yeah, I know. Calm down on the work count.
18:23
A little cum leaks out. My cock leaking.
18:25
My cock leaks my cock. My cock leaking priest it jacked
18:32
on the floor. My cock raises to half mast.
18:37
Jesus Christ, it's like an erectile dysfunction ad.
18:41
Every time this man had a chapter it was in there, no?
18:44
OK like no but honestly if someone's a scientist or
18:48
something can you please hop on to our comments and tell us at
18:51
what point is pre calm just calm?
18:53
What? At what point is this not a
18:54
medical issue? Yeah, This is why I also don't
18:57
think he's a hoe. Your Dick is not.
19:00
Functioning well. This is like teenage boy
19:02
behaviour. This is not 26 year old.
19:04
This is like straight into puberty behaviour, but also that
19:09
every time anyone went near her Fanny it was like they almost
19:14
reached the soft curl and I was like stop.
19:19
It stop having fears. I'm like good for you girl, but
19:24
I don't want to pitch her but just.
19:26
Imagine him twirling her pubes around his like pinky finger.
19:29
He was constantly twirling her hair on her head around his
19:31
finger, so I could imagine that's something he would do.
19:33
You know how curly her top hair is.
19:36
Imagine how curly her pubes are. That's a whole weave.
19:41
That's a whole. Hedge down there.
19:44
I'm not. OK, but also hashtag.
19:46
Free the Bush. Oh.
19:47
Yeah, 100%. Do whatever you want to do, go.
19:49
No, I'm here for it, but I just. Yeah, why do we have to hear
19:52
about the twirling of the pubes? I just.
19:54
Go if we had a dollar every time some pubes were twirled.
19:58
I'd have $1.00 but. But also, if we had a dollar for
20:01
every time someone smiled, didn't reach their eyes, how
20:05
many times has cock leaked and how many times he was puffing on
20:08
that sweet, sweet hash, we could retire today.
20:11
Respectfully, writing a time period.
20:14
Them speaking in a time period would be hard.
20:18
That's. Hard.
20:19
You know what though? Tell me that their dialogue
20:22
wasn't giving theatre, kid. Oh, it was.
20:26
Giving Glee see, this is, you know how it's like I know he
20:30
would say he's hot at the start. By by the end of this
20:32
conversation, I'm sure I have a different We're getting there.
20:35
It's giving Glee. We love Glee kids.
20:39
Absolutely not, but he was giving Glee levels of angst.
20:42
It's. Because it's 1910, she's a
20:45
virgin, and he is also a virgin. Let's talk about just Tristan as
20:54
a character we've tried to talk about.
20:55
Sarah B. It's just Sarah.
20:57
It's just Sarah. Esther the B.
20:59
Esther the B. So Tristan is obviously the bad
21:05
boy brother of Prince Michael, who is in line for the throne.
21:08
So I'm assuming Prince Michael. Well, King Michael actually.
21:13
He's the big muscly golden hair boy.
21:17
Older brother, yeah. Buff.
21:20
Buff sexy, A dimwit. Yeah, but also not.
21:25
But also not he's kind of losing his mind through this whole
21:29
book. Their dad's dead.
21:31
Obviously, Dad's dead. That's the only reason why Sarah
21:34
be interested in Bond in the 1st place is because they both have
21:37
dead dads. We love a dead daddy.
21:39
We. Love a dead daddy.
21:41
Also, they were both murdered, So what are the odds they're
21:45
both? Murdered by kid, you know.
21:47
What? Murdered.
21:48
Not the trauma bond of their dads be murdered by the same
21:51
people. The same people.
21:54
Yeah. What I don't understand is why
21:56
in so many books like this no one's got the good Intel.
21:59
Can somebody write down who the fuck killed who, please?
22:02
Oh, in the end, the twist that it oh, it wasn't in fact so and
22:05
so that killed him. It was.
22:06
So and so and it's like, bitch. Can somebody write it down?
22:09
Someone, somebody keep track. Marisol knows.
22:12
Philia knows. Someone who pay attention, it's
22:16
like, oh, he didn't kill my daddy.
22:19
Also how? I'm confused about how she
22:22
thought the king killed her dad. Because.
22:25
She's stupid. Uncle Rafe told her.
22:27
And she just took it. As I can listen to if OK I would
22:32
not listen to a single thing Uncle Ray or Xander would say.
22:36
They were misogynistic pieces of shit.
22:39
Not just time period pieces of shit.
22:40
They were like you stupid girl trying to break her arm and pull
22:44
her around and shit. And why would you allow them to
22:47
use you just because you're the only person with the vagina?
22:49
If they care so much they should go suck Prince Mark and.
22:52
Like they're already in the Kingdom, fucking get up on
22:55
there. Just suck his Dick.
22:56
Yeah. Hello.
22:58
Just be his queen, it's fine. Xander and Uncle Ray for
23:01
anybody. Apples.
23:02
Yeah. Killed the king, actually.
23:04
And they're pretty much doing it again.
23:05
You're all good every day. You're next to this man.
23:09
Just slip some shit in these teeth.
23:10
I know, do it yourself. Why do they have to get her to
23:13
do it? Also, wouldn't they just kill?
23:15
Tristan to just Also, what happens to her once they're
23:19
married? She would be the Queen, and
23:21
therefore they have more power. Yeah, true.
23:23
And they could talk to her about what to tell him to do.
23:26
I suppose I don't know, stupid because she's a little bit
23:28
smarter at least. If you're going to trick the
23:30
girl, be nice to her at least. Didn't work out.
23:33
Dobies it's. The wrong book.
23:39
Yeah, we don't want to see a Snow White.
23:44
Or do I? Stop.
23:47
Give her ideas. She's probably halfway there.
23:51
I'm so sick of this trope. If you think I'm dwarfs running
23:54
a train, at least it's something different.
23:58
You're just. Like, I don't know whether I was
24:01
disgusted or like, interested. You know that sound that's like.
24:06
Put it where? Where's?
24:09
He inserts it where? That's.
24:11
So. What is that?
24:12
It's appreciated reference. Oh, and they go so inserted
24:16
where? Oh OK I was trying to explain to
24:18
someone the other day that show it to me Rachel please they
24:21
didn't understand what? Wow please Rachel show me to me
24:25
please. And when you haven't seen the
24:29
video, it makes no sense and it just sound like a crazy person.
24:35
So I was trying to say, let's talk about Tristan and anything
24:38
about him, like just his motivations.
24:41
His motivation was to get the Kingdom so he OK from my
24:48
understanding. Which really doesn't.
24:51
Matter limited he was. Bullied.
24:55
By King Michael. And then he was like, you know
24:58
what? I'm just going to kill him and
25:00
take the Kingdom. Yep.
25:01
There's so many other ways to do it, I feel like having a whole
25:05
rebel thing doesn't make sense, but maybe lum hole it does.
25:10
Also just dangle him over a Cliff, wait for the wildebeest
25:14
to come round the corner and then make it look like an
25:17
accident. Like come on now.
25:18
Hello. This is male incompetence to a
25:22
tee because it's always just making the woman do everything.
25:26
Also why are they so confused that she is the one doing the
25:31
shit I know tristans like. Wait, it is her?
25:36
Killing everyone. I it's not like I haven't been
25:39
finding her in the tunnels all the time.
25:41
This whole creeping around in the dark, the way she was
25:44
confused about the present that he left behind in Michael's
25:49
office. Like she didn't catch him
25:50
leaving his office. I was like, he's a fucking.
25:53
Stupid. She is.
25:54
In these tunnels more than Harry Potter and Ron out at night time
25:58
in the Hogwarts. She's in there every night.
26:01
She doesn't even go to her room. She doesn't.
26:03
Sleep. What is Timothy even doing?
26:04
Because he's supposed to be her bodyguard?
26:06
She's out all night, all the time.
26:07
How does Timothy not know? Timothy, maybe?
26:10
He just looks the other way. Maybe he's hooking up with
26:13
fucking Paul. Why are Tamona and Puma gay in
26:16
this? I'm so confused.
26:17
I was like what? Tamona Puma?
26:21
No first it's bad and honey now they're taking Tamona Puma away
26:24
from us. Which?
26:28
No, I'm OK, I don't even care but care.
26:32
I was just I thought Paul was like a 50 year old man to me.
26:36
Paul was this fat like bald beer gutted Husky.
26:41
OK Husky let's not OK, I meant like beer gut, beer gutted chef
26:47
that's in his 60s. That's where I was confused when
26:50
they come up 'cause I'm. Like line cook behaviour.
26:52
Yeah, I was like, Timothy sounds like he's in his 20s.
26:56
He's a twink. It's fun.
26:57
I was just. There's a twink and a bear
27:00
combo, it's fine. Actually, perfection.
27:02
Yeah, perfection. Top tier.
27:03
Top. Tier.
27:04
It's our favorite kind. I'm like I didn't put enough
27:06
thought I was just confused. Tamara Papa should be gay
27:12
although I feel like Zazu give us full gay.
27:14
Yeah. In the in The Lion King, he's
27:17
the only gay one, right? Yeah, to be fair, I don't know
27:20
where or where. Where is where?
27:22
Scars Gay he gives, fruity he. Gives gay evil uncle.
27:27
Yeah, and I'm into it. You know how you mentioned the
27:31
Leaky Dick and how frequent it was?
27:34
It was the most Dick leakage I've heard about since we read
27:39
that Christmas smart trick shot. Yeah.
27:42
And that was a lot this. I'm not here for it.
27:44
I medical issue. I'm like, take him to the
27:48
doctor. Yeah, you should not be just
27:51
looking at someone and leaking all through your pants.
27:53
Like and like they were in slacks.
27:55
Like. Surely you can see it.
27:57
Can we please have a moment's silence for my petite mentus and
28:06
my little dough? In context, I don't mind it.
28:12
Not these ones, not a fan. To be fair.
28:15
Not a fan of these ones, but like, when they're used, not so
28:19
much, you know, in most romance books, not obviously this one
28:23
when they use like, a baby. But it's like in a sweet moment.
28:26
And it's like once every 30 chapters.
28:29
Like, yeah, I'm like, oh, cute. But when you use that all the
28:32
time, like, fucking find something.
28:35
Could you imagine every day your boyfriend walking up to you,
28:39
every conversation being like, my little dough?
28:41
I fucking headbutt a wall now. I'd gouge my own eardrums out.
28:48
This is a. Slow burn.
28:50
As in they. Don't stop fucking until like
28:53
75% in. You know what?
28:55
It's a slow burn for sex. It is not a slow burn for
28:58
tension. Immediately.
28:59
They're trying to fuck each other already.
29:02
But it's kind of like, I hate when there's never any other
29:05
options. And it's just so obvious from
29:06
that. Again, it's like, OK, we see
29:08
what's happening here. They could have at least used
29:11
Prince Michael in a way that he was hot enough that almost
29:13
tempted her. But don't just give she was
29:16
disgusted because she's so. Loyal.
29:18
Boring. No, but she was also like really
29:20
disgusted because he was foul. She noticed him ignoring the
29:25
reporters. The fact that you take her on a
29:27
date and then you're like disgusted by your own people
29:30
around you like. Calm.
29:32
Down. You can't be that disgusted,
29:34
though. In the first couple of tractors
29:36
we already had Gala, but like, at least someone's head got
29:42
chopped off, yeah. You know, though, when they're
29:45
doing a feast or gathering, and I think it happened in the last
29:48
book and also the serpent in the wings of Night, you know that
29:51
there's going to be that action scene right after either the
29:54
wedding or the feast or. Gala I suppose it's the only way
29:58
you can have so many people together.
29:59
And then it's straight into an action thing and it's like, I
30:03
saw this coming from 10 kilometres away.
30:05
Thoughts. I just love how they're both
30:07
acting so mysterious, like, oh, you don't know anything about
30:11
me. Oh, I don't know anything.
30:12
Like, oh, we know. Everything about each other.
30:14
I'm also confused about why she thinks he hates her.
30:18
Surely. Not you're not listening to the
30:20
words he's fucking saying to her.
30:23
I'm like, he's trying to hump you in every fucking corner of
30:26
this castle. And she's like, I thought you
30:28
hated me When? When?
30:31
When he's been eyeball fucking her from the dawn of time.
30:34
Like he's constantly touching her.
30:36
I mean he did fucking kick her onto her knees, but even she was
30:40
like heavy breathing. So I'm like what?
30:43
She's into it. What is with the virgin tropes
30:46
in these books? Because there's something
30:49
actually foul about the. Hooked.
30:51
Pissed me off because for some unknown reason she was a virgin
30:54
and she loved being choked. Oh yeah.
30:55
Straight up. What's with the virginity
30:58
straight into like, wax play? All in one choking.
31:01
She's like, you know what? Go 0 to hundy.
31:04
Yeah, she's like, don't. Give me a little sweet time.
31:06
She's like full just yeah, kill me while we're fucking.
31:10
And it was even worse because he was thinking about her virginal
31:14
blood all over his Dick. And I was like, yeah, no, but
31:19
OK. Before they actually had real
31:21
sex they have this weird non sex sex scene, right?
31:25
He went down on her. He was like teasing.
31:27
Her. Yeah, we like gonna do it, all
31:29
this shit. Yeah.
31:30
And then he, like, turns around, literally turn around.
31:33
He shouldn't be spacing the right way anyway.
31:36
He had his Dick like ready to go, leakage and all.
31:38
Yeah. Right, leakage, angry erection
31:41
and everything. And then he's like, who have you
31:43
fucked around with before then, 'cause she admits, Oh no, you're
31:46
not the first man who's ever touched me.
31:48
He's like, who was it? Then I'm gonna track them down
31:50
and chop them into pieces right now with my right Dick.
31:52
And then she's just like, I'm not telling, I'm not telling.
31:56
And he just imagine, you know how you drop a mic?
31:58
That's how he dropped his Dick and then he just walked away.
32:02
Hi, actually there was something really consistent about this
32:05
fucking man and it was either his balls were leaking.
32:08
Or. What?
32:10
That's definitely a medical tick leaking, yeah.
32:13
Or. He was like in love with a like
32:17
doing something instrum bad. He's damn bad for this woman.
32:20
Like let's be honest, he was damn bad before that.
32:23
He's eating her out in the forest.
32:25
Yeah. He's like pouring candle wax in
32:27
the tunnels on her. And he's like frothing OK, you
32:31
fucking witch. This is all your fucking fault.
32:35
And he's like, you're a witch and that's why I like you and
32:38
you're a whore and just walks every time he like insults her
32:41
and then walks away. And I'm like.
32:43
It's a fart skipping Frolo from but the baby she's like whish.
32:46
Esmerella. How?
32:52
Dare I have feelings? How dare I have?
32:55
Sexual assault, just woman's fault.
32:58
Well, it is 19. Ten.
32:59
I mean, her ankle is out. Her.
33:01
Ankles are all over the place. The moonlight is dancing off
33:06
those puppies. 24 seconds. It's not her fault her titties
33:09
are pushed up to her chin, my friend.
33:13
She's like, I need your brother. Titties up, titties sky high.
33:20
She's like, oh. He hates me, meanwhile his head
33:22
motorboating every time she thinks.
33:24
That's what gives me Bridgeton. That's the tits up high.
33:27
Yeah. My tits would not survive in
33:29
that time period. I.
33:30
Don't even have tits I get. One good tit Day a month.
33:37
Why? Why we're talking?
33:38
About him being fucking sexual urges to the wall I So you know
33:44
how you annotate in your kindle? I highlighted 2 separate bits
33:49
but they meshed together awkwardly.
33:51
So the first one was I unbuttoned my trousers, my ABS
33:55
tensing as I imagined. And then my next note.
33:58
This is when he was wanking in his room and he was convinced he
34:01
wasn't going to wake my trousers, my ABS tensing as I
34:04
imagined. And then my next note goes
34:06
outside Michael's. When I was going back through to
34:13
write my notes, I was like. What?
34:18
What? How did I miss?
34:21
But why? Okay.
34:22
Not. Only he might drops himself.
34:24
Yeah, I know it's because it was two different chapters, but I
34:27
highlighted it close together. So good.
34:30
But why is he Mike, dropping his own Dick to himself?
34:32
He's like, I'm not going to wank to this bitch.
34:34
And then he's wanking and he's like, oh, she's getting married,
34:36
better stop. Like that's ever stopped anyone
34:39
waking. Before.
34:40
She. Doesn't know.
34:41
And he's like, I'm just staring at my angry penis for a leaf.
34:44
I'm like do something that needs.
34:47
Help. But he had.
34:50
Her on a platter, quivering. And then he has a tantrum in his
34:54
own head. Yeah.
34:55
That he can't murder this bloke that she's hooked up with in the
34:58
past. Who?
34:59
Admittedly. She said it's just boys.
35:02
Messing around making. Out like a girl that has not
35:06
having sex with anyone to think about you daily.
35:09
Make her almost come and then. Walk away.
35:12
And then you're stuck in a castle with her all the time.
35:14
True, I feel like I'd be really petty and they'd be dead to me
35:17
then though. Then I'd be like literally
35:20
sucking his brother's Dick in front of him.
35:23
I'd be like, oh, you don't want me anymore?
35:26
Even. Though his brother's foul just
35:29
turn me on even more. Do it with the fluid.
35:34
I am the Queen. Now bro, you don't even know
35:38
this boy. It was probably some little kid
35:40
in silver. They were teenagers mucking
35:42
around, making out, touching booby and now he's fucking
35:46
waiting out because a pre pubescent touched his pre
35:48
pubescent. I'm not even dating.
35:51
I mean, someone either didn't or didn't touch her soft curls and
35:55
it's a problem for that man. He's giving Insel.
35:58
Why does he Care now though? That's what I mean.
36:01
She cared the. Whole time but.
36:03
She's betrayed to your brother. Isn't that the more important
36:05
thing? Not.
36:06
He hates his brother. Who doesn't matter in the past?
36:09
Like they don't even. They're not thinking about her.
36:11
Sorry, babes. He's thinking about his brother
36:13
fucking her all the time. Yeah, but if he popped around to
36:16
this boy's house, let's say fucking.
36:18
He is what's crazy, Alex. Little Bartholomew.
36:26
Bartholomew the Third is just minding his business.
36:29
I don't know. He's a Carpenter of some shit.
36:31
He's moved out of silver. He's in a totally different
36:33
neighbourhood. Fucking Tristan tracks him down
36:35
and goes, You touch my bitch. He's like, who?
36:37
Who's I'm? Married with like 10 kids right
36:40
now. The mouths to feet.
36:42
You're going to take me the mouth?
36:44
Sarah, the most basic home. I don't fucking know, Sarah.
36:49
Hi, Sarah. I only went to second base.
36:53
He's like. Weren't even grown.
36:55
Then. He's like this is not worth
36:59
killing me over my bro. All yours, my friend.
37:06
It's fine, my guy. Guy.
37:09
Alone. I'd be.
37:11
Like girl I barely knew here. I didn't even know his name.
37:17
Somebody computer. He was a man of the night,
37:23
classic. And that's when she's actually
37:25
like, he was a witch. And then she's still laying
37:27
there, just like legs sprawled, coming away orgasm.
37:31
And then he's running off to like kill both.
37:34
All of me the. Fat say he's running off to kill
37:38
both more apparently. Bermuda Triangle running off to
37:48
kill Bob Bermuda. Triangle, but he's running like
37:51
he's chasing a coin. Oh.
37:53
My God. Yes, Yeah.
37:56
See flying away and. His Dick still erect and leaking
38:02
like out of the pantaloons. Half Mass.
38:07
Oh. My God there's a lot of flag on
38:09
this. Imagine him rocking up with his
38:11
leaky uncircumcised floppy Dick and bubbled me just trying to
38:15
make a cabinet. He's like, I'm just.
38:17
Trying to feed my family, literally.
38:19
Kind of have a heart attack, OK, And you know, he's rocking up in
38:27
like a royal awesome carriage and he's like, am I getting?
38:33
Stripped. He's like, what does she look
38:37
like? I.
38:39
Don't. Remember.
38:42
Oh my God. Oh my house.
38:46
Okay okay, my face hurts. Hernia avoided.
38:50
Okay barely. Literally have to pop something
38:54
in my house. So Sarah B's trying to get to
38:58
work. She's trying to do her stupid
38:59
plots, but Uncle Rafe is trying to get her to do right.
39:02
Yeah, She just poisons the cousins straight up with dinner,
39:05
pretty much. But no, no.
39:07
Remorse. Not only did she poisoning the
39:10
cousin, she's getting almost finger blasted under the table.
39:14
She's rubbing some Dick. This guy's like, frothing out of
39:17
the mouth next to her. Literally she's holding hands
39:22
with the fucking Prince Michael on one side and jacking off
39:25
Tristan with the other. OK.
39:27
And she's trying to poison. Someone she poisoned someone.
39:30
He's literally sweating frothing Tristans between them because
39:34
he's barged in. I'm confused about the logistics
39:38
of how he's getting to Fanny because to Coochie because
39:42
there's layers. There's Well, that's why I had
39:44
to look up the gowns because when she's getting assaulted
39:48
later, he's like, oh, such a heavy gown.
39:50
But like, Tristan's rubbing her through that dress.
39:53
Yeah, she's practically on her knees for this man at this
39:57
table. But her corset's also in the
40:00
way. I'm like, where logistically is
40:02
his hands up through? Her ass at the support.
40:06
He's just chilling the. Reach around again, he's like
40:09
all the way through the back into the and.
40:11
Like she's such a lady because she's not even palmed down to
40:14
his Dick. She's not like the back of her
40:16
hand slightly rubbing his leg and then she just gets up and
40:20
walks away like. She's a lady.
40:24
She's a woman of the night, the filthy minks.
40:28
I hope she didn't poison the bloke with her wank hand.
40:32
That's why he's big, sleeping all the time.
40:33
You could get an STD and poisoned at the same time.
40:36
Double whammy. Sorry.
40:42
I'm just laughing at my own jokes, don't worry about it.
40:44
So she poisons her cousin fucking violently, dies in front
40:47
of everyone, Everyone's like gagged.
40:50
Yeah. Especially the guy dead and then
40:53
she does not give a fuck, right? Nope.
40:55
But then Timothy. Dies and she wigs.
40:57
Out. Go.
40:59
She loves Timothy, Yeah, but they're best friends.
41:03
Did you not? Yeah, but he.
41:04
I was. I was here for Timothy only.
41:07
I didn't. See it you didn't see it.
41:09
She literally was flirting with him to be friends all the time.
41:12
Yeah, but I just didn't believe it.
41:14
I did. OK, well.
41:17
OK. I was like how do you have 0
41:20
remorse about one thing and then because she.
41:22
Was murdering one man and then a man got murdered because of her
41:27
different things. But also why was this ball so
41:31
traumatizing? Why did she go from getting
41:34
fingered practically poisoned? Tristan got in trouble for
41:39
calling her devastating and was like, watch your mouth, right?
41:42
What? About what's happening under the
41:44
table, Prince Michael. Oh, sorry.
41:45
He said they were literally like, watch your mouth about how
41:48
you talk about my woman, but then seated him directly next to
41:51
her. Yeah.
41:52
Be for real. And then she's like almost
41:55
getting raped. In the like corridors.
41:58
Yeah. By old mate.
42:00
Yeah, and this is when Tristan, like, cuts his fucking skin off.
42:06
Foul. So somewhere along the lines is
42:09
where, I don't know, you were sick or something.
42:13
So I I hadn't put this book down for multiple weeks, right?
42:15
Yeah, yeah. I picked it right up as they
42:18
were starting to actually hook up and I forgot how smutty smuts
42:22
were. I was like I was living in a
42:24
delivery. This is not even smutty.
42:26
But it was to me at the time, so I was like clutching my pearls
42:31
because I was living my normal life for once.
42:35
Oh, I'm not desensitized anymore.
42:37
And I'm like this is just strain up.
42:39
Porn. So.
42:41
That was neat. At least it wasn't all the time.
42:45
Yeah, but the IT was like twice it was so.
42:48
Half the time, if I'm being honest with you, I don't care
42:51
about the plot. I care about the tension.
42:53
If there's no tension, yeah, I can't go through the plot, True.
42:57
But if there's like enough, I'm like, huh?
42:59
But give us something. This was so trophy cookie cutter
43:04
that if there's no twist, I'm bored.
43:07
There was a twist. It was just you could see it
43:10
coming anyway. What?
43:12
OK, Virginity. Hot wax.
43:16
He didn't even go slow. He jammed that.
43:19
In you know what though, she that's exactly what happened in
43:22
Hooked, where he said do you trust me?
43:24
And she goes no. And then he jams it straight in.
43:26
Isn't that I feel like the same? I feel like it is.
43:29
Maybe that's on purpose. Maybe they do that in every
43:32
single book. Maybe.
43:34
Series because I was like, surely she did not cut and
43:36
paste. Well, you know how like the
43:38
Twisted Love series they put in some random.
43:41
Apparently there's some painting that randomly shows up in all
43:43
the books. Oh yeah.
43:46
Anyway, James it in doesn't even give her a second.
43:48
No, he's not eating her out before There's no moisture.
43:53
No, and she's like, I want more. It's like, yeah, this is what I
43:56
don't understand. You're telling me that this girl
44:00
loses her virginity in a sexy hot wax kind of way to?
44:04
Check right. Not, I probably wouldn't do the
44:07
hot wax myself, but then like she's immediately like hotter.
44:10
Yeah, I love the pain. Yeah.
44:13
Technically, you shouldn't even know what the fuck you're
44:14
dealing with, right? Now my butt I'm.
44:16
Like I don't understand the immediate.
44:18
I love the pain. Give yourself a fucking minute.
44:21
Only in. Books.
44:22
Only in books. Thank God guys don't actually
44:25
read books like these because I don't actually think that
44:28
that's. Sometimes I make my boyfriend
44:31
read funny sex scenes and he'll be like what is going on?
44:35
Yeah, I know it's scary. Inserted.
44:37
Where? Tell me how we got the licking
44:40
of the tears again? Like it's such a fantasy thing.
44:46
Of course he was the only man only person in this entire
44:50
fucking castle. Not even her best friend ought
44:53
to come check on her after she hysterically cried over this man
44:57
that was shot. The only person that came to see
44:59
if she was OK, none of her ladies in waiting was Tristan.
45:03
Yep, and she's like oh you know, we'll make it better, let's have
45:06
sex for the 1st. Time my pussy aches because it
45:09
means Tristan cares about me. Every time something sad
45:13
happened, she'd be like, oh, about the the wetness pooling on
45:16
the earth. Though you know what, they're
45:18
probably a perfect match because his Dick was leaky but her pussy
45:22
be soaked, puddled. There was one time she even said
45:25
that her pussy was soggy. It was like soggy.
45:30
Man soggy we pics. But like, how is the pussy
45:33
soggy? You have to be poor.
45:37
Like you, you have to be able to be wet.
45:42
There's some I don't know how to.
45:44
Make that Princess. There's not.
45:46
There's some things that are just not meant to go together,
45:49
and it's Coochie's and soggy. If.
45:51
Anyone said my pussy was soggy die.
45:55
Could you imagine you're having sex with?
45:57
No. With.
46:00
Whoever. You want.
46:01
To whoever you're having sex with and they're like, your
46:05
pussy is so soggy, baby. Like it's not a biscuit.
46:08
It's not soggy shoes. It's soggy for me, baby.
46:13
It's like if I touched down there, will it be soggy for me?
46:20
The funny, the funnier part, about half of the shit we say is
46:23
we dead ass stare each other in the eyes.
46:24
That's what we. Say dead ass.
46:28
Bro. We do not stare down.
46:30
I know it's quite intimidating. So they've banged a couple
46:35
times. They've got a bit of that insta
46:37
love happening, right? Yeah, of course.
46:40
Isn't it convenient that after they've banged a couple of
46:42
times? She.
46:44
Finds out that he knows that she's been planted like that's.
46:49
The cogs are starting to turn about that stuff.
46:51
So they had sex, I think, Yeah. And then she followed.
46:55
Him to the shadow. Land.
46:56
Yeah, and then she. She, he's a traitor.
46:58
So a really key point to them having sex is she found it and
47:03
then she found him in the church.
47:05
She was going to kill him, but this, I think This is why I
47:08
liked him. He was like, if you need me to
47:12
die for you to feel better, he's like, kill me.
47:14
I'll. Help you, That is so me.
47:15
Because at that point, if someone's got a knife to my
47:17
throat, whatever. He's like, if this is what you
47:20
need bitch, I wouldn't. Be like if this is what you
47:22
need, but I would be like. Is what it is.
47:26
Is is what it is. I'd be.
47:28
Like. Well.
47:29
We're. Holding in the knife.
47:30
It's been 30 years. It's.
47:33
Been 84 years. So we're going to come down to
47:37
this at some point. We're already halfway there.
47:42
Way there. Stop eating the neck.
47:48
But anyway, he's like you do you go.
47:50
If you got to, you got to. It is what it.
47:52
Is Yeah. He was like a little bit hot
47:54
about it. This is my problem.
47:55
I was confused by the words and the actions.
47:58
Actions, trash words. Amazing.
48:00
Because he was like, there's no world I would live without.
48:03
You kill me. But then they fucked in a
48:05
church. Of course they did.
48:07
They fucked in a church. Because why not throw that in?
48:09
There. Why not?
48:09
And then they fucked all night and then planned to kill
48:11
Michael. I'm pretty sure, yeah.
48:13
So she found all that out because that was all revealed,
48:15
blah blah blah. The best part of because you
48:18
know, during the whole start of the book, she was playing up her
48:21
cousin Zander being important to her and being like, Oh well,
48:24
he's going to protect me in all of this plot and everything.
48:27
The second he was like, well, I should actually torture and kill
48:31
him. She was like.
48:33
Oh well, she is so. Digmatized.
48:35
She. Did not give a fuck about her
48:37
cousin I think. The cousin did it to himself
48:39
because she was like Oh my cousin.
48:41
And then slowly the cousin and the uncle were abusing her and I
48:45
think that's when she slowly stopped caring.
48:47
But she magically. Stopped caring when he said
48:49
sorry and I was like girl. She's like me.
48:51
Behaviour. I don't think she cared.
48:53
Yeah, true. I don't think she cared that
48:56
much in the 1st place. I think she cared about her
48:58
uncle's feeling and then the more she found out.
49:01
What? She just has selective care
49:03
because the whole entire plot was about her dad being killed.
49:07
She didn't get fucked about her dad by the end of it.
49:09
But that's what I mean, if that's your entire purpose in
49:11
life is to avenge your dad and your entire loyalty is to your
49:15
family. And then later she has some new.
49:18
Family now she's been. Dicked down a couple of times
49:21
she's. Got a new family?
49:25
No loyalty in these hoes. This is character growth.
49:29
What the hell? It's.
49:29
Not I'm like, it's not good character growth, but it is.
49:32
You can't trust these hoes is what I'm saying.
49:35
Witches, witches, witches and bitches.
49:37
Witches and bitches, anyway. They're fucking dumb as shit
49:42
because they're like, we're going to kill Michael.
49:45
Michael knows everything because.
49:48
Why just assume that? How do you know where everyone
49:51
is all the time but you don't know Ophelia is fucking the king
49:55
when he exactly? They even pointed out in a
49:57
chapter where they're like Ophelia's staring him down.
50:00
And he fucks everything with a pulse in that castle.
50:04
So wouldn't you just assume there's going to be people he's
50:06
fucking? Yeah, everywhere like you if you
50:08
don't trust them in a conversation also.
50:11
The amount of time she's just out and about every single
50:14
night, You're not thinking that no one's ever followed you once.
50:18
Yeah, and they. 'D be grinding on each other in
50:20
public. In public, all the time.
50:23
You know how they were like, Oh no, we think Simon might be an
50:26
accidental snitch because I'm drawing a picture.
50:28
Bitch. You're dry humping her.
50:31
Worry about the adults seeing you dry humping each other, not
50:34
the child that's watching you draw a picture of her
50:38
priorities. But that's what they were
50:41
worried about. He's like, Oh no, Simon's going
50:44
to tell. I'm like, you think that's what
50:46
I mean? Like she went to that garden in
50:47
the middle of the night. They're smoking pot the second
50:50
time they actually, I'm not going to lie, the hottest.
50:54
The only hot part about this book was him showing her how to
50:57
smoke. Don't ask me why.
50:58
No questions, OK? No answers.
51:01
No questions at this time, please, you know.
51:03
Probably the full moon was out when you.
51:04
Know that the second she walks into the room, Michael's going
51:07
to smell that fucking tank weed on her ass.
51:10
And then immediately like, oh, they're obviously fucking.
51:14
Yeah, that's what I mean. That was so obvious.
51:16
And you think no one's going to follow you to this fucking
51:18
garden? Their plot was stupid.
51:20
Why should she go go in and try and flirt with him to slip him
51:24
the drink when she could have made anyone else give him a
51:28
poison drink first? Why does she have to meet up
51:32
with him separately? Her and Prince Michael she could
51:34
have done. It in many bowls.
51:37
I know. He was sitting next to him.
51:39
He's yeah, no stupid. Also, Tristan getting caught.
51:44
Yeah. You're telling me he is so
51:47
smart, but he was OK? Actually, no.
51:49
My problem is you're telling me he was so stressed about Sarah
51:54
going to Michael, but he was sleeping while she was there
51:56
exactly like he would be sleeping.
51:59
If anything, he should be pacing his room.
52:02
Wouldn't you wait to make sure she's OK?
52:06
He was supposed to be in the room, pretty much.
52:08
He was going to pop out from like a fucking plant in the same
52:11
room and then they were going to kill him right there.
52:14
So why is he asleep? Yep.
52:15
Stupid. Did you sleep through your alarm
52:17
by accident? Yeah.
52:18
Alarm to kill my brother. Like not important.
52:21
Turns out Marisol, the one that was a bitch the entire time, was
52:25
not actually a bad guy, which I feel like we should have seen
52:28
coming. Did you see her coming?
52:30
No, he was such a non character music.
52:32
Yeah. I didn't see Ophelia but I feel
52:34
like now that I've read it. I should have.
52:36
Let's be honest, Sarah was a. Bitch.
52:39
She was such a bitch. To them all the time for no
52:42
reason. She's just an angry bitch all
52:44
the time. I feel like I.
52:47
Would be too if my whole life purpose was to do things that
52:49
everyone else wanted. To be, but don't take it out.
52:51
On them, yeah, the help. Yeah, I'm like, they're not.
52:54
They don't be your lady. And like, they literally have no
52:57
choice half of the time. Yeah.
52:59
Stupid Tristan tattooing before we get to the end.
53:02
Tristan if he tattooed that shit on me.
53:05
Wait, what did it say again? He ended up tattooing it on her,
53:08
but he drawed on her with a pen and it was a heart organ.
53:11
Ohh, that's right, with a chain on it that said property of
53:14
Tristan. That's a fucking crime.
53:16
That's. Honestly, a jail tattoo.
53:19
Punish a wall by death at this point that's fucked.
53:22
She's put a line and a fucking clock on her leg, she was
53:25
saying. Shit into it though.
53:26
She's like, Oh my God, because he took my virginity.
53:30
Oh well. Was it right after he took her
53:32
virginity too? Oh.
53:33
Well, it was after he claimed her and they started talking
53:37
about how they're just like gonna beating.
53:39
Disgusting. Foul.
53:41
Foul. The funniest thing that he's
53:44
ever done, even funnier than Winnie.
53:46
Mike dropped his own Dick and went off after Buffalo.
53:48
Me. The third is when she said Oh my
53:51
God during sex months and he was like, fuck that.
53:55
I'm going to kill myself so I can go up to heaven and kill God
53:58
because I'm jealous of the fact that she said his name instead
54:01
of my bitch. First of all, you kill yourself.
54:03
You're kind of not going to heaven.
54:04
Second of all, you're going to kill God.
54:06
OK, cool. Have fun with that.
54:08
Third of all. Like why is he?
54:10
Being taken. Why are you so dramatic?
54:12
He is. He is, he is.
54:15
Like I'm going to kill myself. Because.
54:19
Of God. There's no thought there because
54:21
it'd be like you killing yourself.
54:22
She's gonna fuck the next best thing.
54:24
But follow me enough. She's going back to her roots.
54:28
But. Just like it doesn't count if
54:31
he's already been the second base.
54:33
But what did God do in all of this?
54:36
You defiled his church. So you get up there.
54:39
God's already got a number on you.
54:41
God's already waiting. He knows.
54:43
You're coming, he knows. He'll strike you down with some
54:46
fucking lightning bolt or some shit.
54:47
You, yeah. You're going down to hell, and
54:49
guess what you're watching Sarah B get.
54:51
Plowed by. Your brother that time dress
54:54
every day. You know what's really funny
54:56
about that though? Not only did he do that, but
54:59
every time he torched someone, he was like, I am your God, Peek
55:02
a side. Who are you?
55:03
Are you God or are you Tristan? Calm down.
55:07
No one respects. Him though.
55:09
I don't respect him. Told you.
55:13
I'm so conflicted about it. He's doing his stupid speeches
55:16
in front of all the rebels, and they're all just like, behind
55:20
his back. Yeah, just being like, I'm this
55:25
idiot. Look at this idiot that'd.
55:26
Be us in the corner like you. We're here now.
55:29
I suppose we don't. Go with the flu.
55:35
As long as I have a place to live.
55:37
Literally that's overturned the king.
55:39
OK also. What?
55:40
He burnt down the entire city with fire that could not be put
55:45
out and the castle. OK well he did promise he would
55:50
burn down the world fire, which is such a trope I hate.
55:53
Yeah, but but. He followed He.
55:55
Followed. Through which I respect.
55:57
Yeah, because at least he's. Following through.
55:59
If you're going to say it and you're in a weird romance, I'm
56:01
like, what? Are you going to do?
56:02
Literally, they don't do anything.
56:03
They don't do anything, but at least he did.
56:05
In fact, Yeah, that is true, I feel.
56:08
Like he needs some Xanax just generally.
56:11
Valium maybe. I actually think he might just
56:13
make that much hash that it's just not working anymore.
56:16
Yeah, it's not working any. Tolerance.
56:18
He's too angry. He's probably in Aries.
56:22
Everyone dies, he kills Michael and they rebuild the city and
56:26
they're like living in. Their head you didn't have.
56:28
To burn it down, you only have to step into the fucking throne
56:32
room and let the hyenas in. But jackals?
56:37
It's hyenas, jackals, teens. Shackles.
56:40
Tyens. It's Jackals in the book.
56:42
Oh, it's hyenas in my audio book.
56:44
Oh, it's Jackals. What?
56:47
Yeah. I wonder if they changed it.
56:48
Maybe there's an American version?
56:50
Maybe because in the book it's like the jackals and they're
56:54
like Jackal is such a slur. Can you search Hyena on that
56:58
version? Yeah.
56:59
And then do they interchange it maybe?
57:03
No, no result. I shit you're not.
57:05
It's just. So the audio version's
57:07
different. Oh, that's so.
57:10
Because they don't. They probably don't know what it
57:12
is. And then?
57:13
Americans Jackal. But also so they kill Michael,
57:18
they burned down the city. Honestly hot.
57:20
It's fine. The lead up I just thought that
57:24
was stupid but it's OK. And then Ophelia, like, kills
57:27
herself. Although that was the.
57:29
Funniest thing ever because Ophelia just say you're damn
57:32
bad. Like, you know, when she
57:33
revealed herself, I'm like, OK, it's just not a girl's girl.
57:36
That's fine. Just apologise, like, yeah.
57:40
Literally. And then she jumps in the water
57:42
and then. Fucking.
57:44
Sarah B. It's like, oh, I.
57:46
Was thinking about going in there and getting it and then I
57:48
really she was a cunt to me. She was like, she's like, she
57:52
wanted to do it. Like I'm like.
57:54
And. Then she made sure that she
57:56
didn't come up and I was like, that's really morbid.
57:59
The worst thing is he's sitting there doing this little speech
58:02
to the town. He's like, we're going to build
58:03
the town, it's fine, the king is dead, we'll work through it,
58:08
everyone's going to be fair, blah, blah, blah.
58:10
And she's like, he's watching me walk over.
58:12
He says something like you're a little whore or something,
58:15
watching her kill herself. I don't know.
58:16
It's. Something that really walked up
58:18
and I swear to God his Dick was pressed up against him.
58:21
Pull his lips. How did?
58:22
That happen. So he was already, yeah, they're
58:25
already fucking in the thing. Like he's not the new king and
58:28
no, everyone's watching him. And literally she just died in
58:31
front of them and he's like sticking the tip in where?
58:34
He said something like you little whore watching Ophelia
58:36
die. How does?
58:37
That make you a whore. If I was dying in that moment, I
58:40
would come back on research. I'd be like you, fucking like, I
58:44
don't know. Why I feel?
58:45
Like that'd be so offensive because it's like, it's my
58:48
moment to die, you bitch, and then you're gonna just fuck up
58:52
there like I'm down. Here.
58:55
Bubbling. There was like 2 seconds where
58:57
Sarah was like, oh I actually feel sorry for it because
58:59
Ophelia was like, I was pregnant.
59:01
He made me get rid of it because he didn't want another bastard.
59:04
And she's like Oh no. And then she jumped in and she's
59:06
like. She's like, Oh no, she's dead,
59:09
you dead bitch, bitch. And then she's getting fucking
59:13
double. Dick, she's like literally
59:14
getting raw dog dogged. Off the cloak.
59:18
You know what they're? Leaning over the rocks of the
59:20
pool and they're just raw dogging it while she's like,
59:23
still bubbling. Away in scary movies like The
59:25
Ring, there's always that Lady with black hair that falls off
59:29
the Cliff committing suicide. That's what I imagine.
59:31
Like affiliate all sad, like going like off the edge of the
59:34
Cliff and then two seconds later, like right.
59:38
And I'm like, what are you reading?
59:41
Dark romance, men always trying to fuck in inappropriate
59:45
situations. Like, I get it, dark romance,
59:47
but come on, you're in public. People were just looking at you
59:52
and just doing a speech. I.
59:54
Don't know. The townspeople are like,
59:57
they're at it again. Just carry on, people.
1:00:01
The new guards are like standing in a circle around them, like
1:00:04
nobody talking. You know what, though?
1:00:08
The best part about Ophelia revealing everything.
1:00:10
You know when she was saying, oh, I was spying on you, blah,
1:00:13
blah, blah. And she was like, I heard you
1:00:15
guys rooting from right outside the door.
1:00:17
I was listening in, blah, blah. Yeah.
1:00:20
Like. Everybody in the whole world
1:00:22
couldn't see them eye fucking each other at all times, every
1:00:26
other moment of the. Day.
1:00:27
Oh, you're yeah, she's acting. Really.
1:00:29
Smart. Oh my God, everyone saw it.
1:00:31
Everyone saw it. It was hard to look away like
1:00:34
everyone would be like, yeah. Like even there's the time where
1:00:39
he's rubbing her neck while she's talking to his mum.
1:00:42
Yeah. Like.
1:00:43
Seen that? These little they thought that
1:00:48
they were so. Subtle.
1:00:50
No, not a time. And then I, Philly thought she
1:00:52
was so smart. She's like, it was only I that
1:00:55
noticed it and I passed it on to Prince Michael like.
1:00:59
Didn't Michael say to follow her because he thought something was
1:01:02
up? Fuck me.
1:01:03
How did you? Yeah, the candle wax all through
1:01:06
the bed didn't give away. You're the one that found.
1:01:08
Out and the virginal blood when she was literally wouldn't.
1:01:11
You just presume that she had her period.
1:01:13
Yeah. That's what I would say.
1:01:15
Oh shit, popped a leak? Well.
1:01:19
They didn't have pads, I don't think the.
1:01:20
Rags the Ragnathas weren't like. Cut up T-shirts.
1:01:27
The court, look, obviously they're together in the end.
1:01:30
She's like his queen blah blah. Well, so when they're getting
1:01:34
she stays while she and she's like just go save Simon and
1:01:38
Pumbaa. It's fine.
1:01:40
Epilogue is literally Simon coming back and being like, I'm
1:01:42
the king. He spent his whole life trying
1:01:45
to take down Thorny. He's like, you know what?
1:01:47
Here's Simon. What?
1:01:49
About Simon's mom. Did she die?
1:01:51
She died. She got trampled.
1:01:52
And convenient. Yeah, she got trampled right
1:01:54
before everyone. 'S mom dies.
1:01:56
Everyone's mom dies and of course she was a terrible woman.
1:02:00
Of course, because you're either the main female character or
1:02:02
you're a dead mom, which means you are probably a good mom, or
1:02:07
you're alive and you're just a terrible person.
1:02:09
Sarah's mom was alive and she was a terrible person.
1:02:11
Yeah, that's. The only if you're alive you're
1:02:13
a terrible woman, but if you're dead you're like a martyr and a
1:02:16
St. That's it.
1:02:18
That's the only mums that we're allowed.
1:02:19
It's not fair. It's like when can we have a
1:02:21
female character but all the dead dads get put on the biggest
1:02:25
pedestal ever. Fuck.
1:02:26
Their dads avenging them. Yeah, everyone's.
1:02:29
Mum is dad, nobody gives a fuck. No one gives a fuck.
1:02:32
Why are we all fucking wanking? Over dead dads when they're just
1:02:35
like like. Who are they they?
1:02:38
Don't have like they've never explained dad.
1:02:41
So like everyone in these stories are wanking over their
1:02:44
dead dads and it's like they never say one nice thing that
1:02:48
these dead dads have ever done. They just existed as being their
1:02:50
dads. My logic.
1:02:52
There's not a single thing of logic.
1:02:53
So what are we going to rate this out of?
1:02:55
Well, we can't rate it out of jackals because you have high
1:02:58
penis. Hygienists.
1:03:00
Like. Look, there was a great lack of
1:03:03
hygiene in this book. You can tell I'm still
1:03:06
recovering from that sickness because the kids hidden in the
1:03:09
back of my throat. What about soggy biscuits?
1:03:12
Oh yes, soggy flaps, and I'm kidding.
1:03:15
Yeah, let's go. Soggy flaps.
1:03:16
That's just really great. Yeah, I love a soggy flap.
1:03:20
So I'm giving it two soggy flaps out of five only because it was
1:03:25
better than hooked, so it automatically had to be better.
1:03:28
Yeah, I'm also A2 soggy flapper. Yeah, it's fine.
1:03:32
It's not. I only like the tension and The
1:03:34
thing is when I say like I was down bad for twisting, the only
1:03:38
thing I liked was how he was describing her.
1:03:40
Everything else hated about that man.
1:03:43
So I like the weird tension when they hate each other, but you
1:03:47
know, they don't hate each other, but they're acting like
1:03:48
they hate each other. So it's kind of enemies to
1:03:50
lovers. In a way, but not full enemies.
1:03:52
I suppose that's the only reason I like this book.
1:03:55
Yeah, I think. It was just.
1:03:58
Whatever it was, this. Is what it is.
1:04:00
It is. What it is?
1:04:01
It is what? I wasn't wowed.
1:04:03
I'll never remember these characters for the life of me
1:04:05
because I'm just the same characters we see every other
1:04:07
time. Yeah.
1:04:08
There was nothing unique about, I think the weed smoking.
1:04:11
Yeah, true. That's it.
1:04:12
I actually think there's no way around that now because
1:04:16
everyone's so copy and paste but there's so many books you can't
1:04:20
escape it. It's not doable anymore.
1:04:22
I think because that's what. People are comfortable with.
1:04:25
Yeah, you kind of stick to what you know.
1:04:27
Hey. That.
1:04:28
People want to reread the same story over and over that that's
1:04:32
why people keep recommending these kind of books.
1:04:34
Yeah. And Oh my.
1:04:35
God girl, book talk needs to branch out a little bit.
1:04:39
I think we have to stop looking at just full mainstream book
1:04:42
talk. Yeah, and we need to branch out
1:04:44
into more niche. Books.
1:04:46
Mind you I have like 900 books saved on my TikTok.
1:04:50
Are you picking next? Because this one I kind of
1:04:52
suggested after hooked because I was like, let's give it a go.
1:04:56
Yes, I no, I'm excited. I'm so excited for the book I
1:05:00
picked because I know you will hate it.
1:05:02
Excellent. I don't often hate contemporary,
1:05:05
but we'll see. It's not contemporary, it's
1:05:07
technically dark romance, but I was like.
1:05:09
What did? You, but it's in the current
1:05:11
ages of time. But I actually think it will
1:05:14
send you into a spiral. And it's Penelope Douglas, too.
1:05:20
BNP. Dog.
1:05:22
She doesn't know, but it's on psych She.
1:05:25
Doesn't know, but also obsessed. Don't ask me why.
1:05:28
It's like, because you're like, what the fuck is going on?
1:05:31
Do you think I have a enemies to lovers pipeline going on with
1:05:33
Pea Dog? Yeah, OK.
1:05:35
No, I don't think you have to love her.
1:05:37
Is I. Going to be incesty because
1:05:38
that's what she does. Taboo.
1:05:42
Oh, OK. Do you want me to spoil?
1:05:44
No, no. OK, there is.
1:05:46
It's OK. There is a.
1:05:47
Smidge. So that's.
1:05:51
It for. Scarred any last.
1:05:56
Words. No.
1:05:58
Anything I don't? Even know what's happened in the
1:06:00
last. Throw in tell me either
1:06:02
honestly, I don't. Even know I don't know how we're
1:06:05
here. I read the book and I was like
1:06:06
fuck, I'm going to have to reread it because immediately
1:06:08
out of my brain. So that's it.
1:06:10
Thanks for joining us on Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily.
1:06:13
Don't forget to rate US five stars and subscribe if you
1:06:16
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1:06:20
Plot podcast.