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301. 20 Things To Talk To Your Spouse About On Date Nights! · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you have been married, you can find passion, happiness and romance at any stage of your life.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Join us as we have discussions in all areas of intimacy, interview marriage professionals and people who are just flat-out fun.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Our podcast is for all couples looking to transform their relationship.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: It's the Ultimate Enmacy Podcast with Amy and Nick.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the podcast.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: And today we have a, I think, kind of a fun one we're doing today.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: It's the 20 things you should talk to your spouse about on date nights.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: And why did we come up with this?
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Amy and I were actually just talking about this a night ago.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Where we love, we go out, we go out on date night religiously every week and it's amazing to look around and you literally look around and people on their date nights at the table together are both glued to their phone like the whole time they aren't even talking.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: It's amazing and and I I say this jokingly like I I mean I just kind of start laughing at each other and it's actually not funny.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: No, it's very sad.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Because their relationship is probably really struggling and you know that they're probably not talking about or probably not on their phone with important things, right, it's probably like who knows, who knows?
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: I hope they're important things, it's probably just with time killers and wasting time.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: So you're sending the message to your spouse that I would rather just kill time than talk to you, right?
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: So we wanted to come up with a good list of 20 good things that you can talk about together on date nights, because once you get those conversations going, it's actually really fun to talk about things, as Amy and I have talked about before.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Like sometimes we'll start a conversation and an hour and a half later we're like, oh, we should be recording this.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: But it's fun to talk to your spouse and to get to know them and have these deep, meaningful conversations together.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so today we're going to talk about more like all the different topics you can talk about and we'll throw a couple like questions in there that would be great questions to discuss.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: But remember, we have the Ultimate Int ultimate intimacy app and the conversation starters are free and there's hundreds and there's intimate ones too you can get.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: But we're gonna stick to more just the regular conversation starters, mostly, right yeah but it's it's interesting.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: We've been married over 22 years oh, that long a long, and every minute's been just blissful.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: That's funny.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Most moments have been blissful.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: They know I'm exaggerating.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: People that are in our marriage know I'm exaggerating a little bit.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Marriage can be blissful.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: What was I saying?
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, yes, in 22 years there are conversation starters in the app that we're like.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Why have we never talked about this in 22?
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, you would think of 20 years and raising kids and having an adult kid.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: You would talk about everything, right.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: But we haven't.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know how, because we talk a lot but there are a lot of conversations we hadn't even ever thought of.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: So I don't know.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I hope today is good because I, yeah, going back to like the whole phone thing, it it's funny and it's awful at the same time, like it's for sure it's really sad.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: And if both people, if they're both on their phones and that's what they're enjoying, like how sad is that that they rather do that than connect with their spouse emotionally?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Absolutely conversation, right?
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: so anyways, we gotta and I'll spice up date night so that stops happening and although 20 sounds like a lot.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: We're not going to go into detail on all these things, but we do want to introduce these to you.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: These are great things and I think you're going to like this list as well I hope so.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I hope so, so well, the reason we came up this came up with this also is because I got a message the other day from my wife and my husband just doesn't understand why we need to date each other like he's.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Like I already dated you, I married you, I know you.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Why do I?
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Why do we need to like, prioritize, keep going out or spending money or dating each other?
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Remember it doesn't have to be out on the town.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: It can be doing an intentional date night.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: It just means intentional together a night of the week time together.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: So put your kids to bed, and we have a whole entire list that we can send you that's free, of 50 date night ideas that are spicy and romantic at home.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: So there's no excuses.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Right like?
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: You don't have to have lots of money, you don't have to always be going to dinner, you don't have to always find babysitters.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: There's ways to have date night in or out.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: It's about intention.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to bring that out before we get started because date night like the fact that he was even questioning why do I need to keep dating you is heartbreaking.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: But number two we change as people.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: We're constantly changing, like my likes, my dislikes, my emotions, our kid, like just all the things.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Like different stages bring different changes and as people we have to stay curious about each other, or that's where the boredom sets in in marriage.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Well, and I like that you said that, because as I'm looking at this list, I'm like oh, I know a lot of these, but some of these can change.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: So let's dive in Number one.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: You really should talk about your future dreams and goals that you have together, and I think it is important to talk about goals.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you have some that are the same.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Right Most.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: But as you have goals, then you're going to put together a plan on, like how to accomplish them together.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Like if your goal is to retire at a certain age, or your goal is to have a cabin, or you know your goal.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Whatever, your goal is to be healthier.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: When you establish what the goal is that you have together, you're going to put together like ways to accomplish that goal and actually do it.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: For sure, or maybe even more simple goals Like this is what I want to accomplish this week or over this next month, like how can you help me with this?
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Or how can we help each other with this, like I don't know, just being able to have those conversations and hear about what your spouse like oh, this is what I want to learn or this is what I want to take on.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I took on something pretty big the last couple of weeks and it's like kind of nuts, but yeah good.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: How can I help?
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: That was your goal.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: How do I support you?
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: That's right, yeah, right.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: So, um, current life challenges, I think it's really important to discuss.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Hey, you know what's going on in our life.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: How can we manage this better?
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: How can we relieve the stress?
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Um, what are these challenges?
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: and how can we just support each other during these challenges?
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Very, very important, like things with your kids, financially, just all those.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I mean I think date night should try to remain positive.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: So like things that are like more positive on date night, because I mean, hopefully I'm hoping that couples talk a lot at night regardless.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: So maybe, yes, challenges, challenges are important, but maybe more the positive aspect of it yeah, and I think I think the majority of this list is a very I agree, very positive.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: But I think discussing life challenges can be a positive thing as well, as like what are we, what are we kind of stressed out with and dealing with and how do we improve that?
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's a positive way to look at it as well.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I'm going to add to that.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of people like struggle with like kid stuff or teenagers or adult children, whatever, and it's easy to just start talking about your kids on every single date night and we do.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: We talk about our kids Like that's a big part of our life, but it's important to not always go on date night and focus like on everybody else.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: It's got to be about you and your marriage.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: When you say we talk about our kids, are you talking about our actual kids?
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Or our dogs that you would like to talk about.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: I don't think I've ever talked about our dogs on date night totally joking, I know, but you know what I'm saying there yeah, oh, exactly like you could go spend hours just talking about your children, and that's a beautiful thing.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: We love our kids.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: But date night needs to also have focus, like on your marriage, and that's a beautiful thing.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: We love our kids.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: But date night needs to also have focus, like on your marriage and on each other yeah, for sure so keep it balanced the next one is what you love most about each other.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: I think it's important to talk about that and remind each other what, why you fell in love and what you admire about them, or what you love about them.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Um why don't you give us a little example of what this would look like on a date night?
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd love to, sweetie, I just love your smile.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: It drives me crazy.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Do you think the average couple is going to look across the table or the bed or wherever you're doing date night and say that how can we make that easier?
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Because it's probably not super common, but it needs to be.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: I don't know why it'd be difficult like that's.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: You know, I'd paint a compliment to your spouse, like it shouldn't be difficult do you think most husbands can look their wife in the eyes and be like this I, I love you so much.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: This, this is why I love you I would hope so okay, if you're not good at that, I challenge you to try it.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: And wives too, right men need it too so maybe whatever you're doing, just like grab hands and be like this.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: This is what I love about you.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Just just keep it that easy.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: This is what I love about you yeah, I don't know how that could turn into a bad thing, that'd be.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not saying it would turn into a bad thing, I'm just saying that could be a hard thing.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that can be a lot of hard.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: That could be hard for some couples that like haven't done that before and they just grab hands and I just picture and be like this is so awkward.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Well, and it can be simple like hey, babe, you know, I just here's what I love about you and really appreciate about you, and it doesn't have to be long and drawn out okay, just show an appreciation.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: I agree with that number four, uh, hobbies and interests you want to do together or by yourself okay, so you?
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: so how would that look in that conversation?
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: Sweetie, here's something I want to do, but I don't want to do it with you, so anyways well, let's just be honest here a lot of hobbies are done personally and not together.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I I agree, but you're discussing like hobbies and things you want to do together well, I think most couples are probably like, uh, we'll take those up when we're retired because I literally don't have time right now.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I think your average couple like I'm just trying to make it through the day and run the kids and I'm tired at night well, we don't really have time for extra, I'm gonna throw one in there.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: If you listen to a previous podcast episode, uh tree sex like a hobby.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: That's a hobby you could discuss together of course it is so yeah, that's a hobby that both of you can do together and you should discuss together.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: I'm just throwing that out and we also talked about most women are gonna be like, no, I don't really want that to be my hobby oh, that's right, I forgot about that okay go back and listen to that one.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: That's like we had quite a conversation on that all right um next one you're ready to move on already?
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I'm kind of like Wanting to talk about this one.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's talk about it, let's get into it.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: What?
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: hobbies.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, if you're newlyweds or newly married and you've got no kids and you work, and then you probably have a lot of evening time together, what is a great hobby that you would want to take, like a sport or something like that?
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you could do.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: Maybe you go hiking together, maybe you go play pickleball together.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Maybe you go hiking together, maybe you go play pickleball together, maybe you go golfing together, maybe you play tennis together, maybe you make love together, like that hobby.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Maybe you cook together, maybe you cook together.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: There could be a bunch of different hobbies that you could do together.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, so now talking about that, couples in the next stage Toddlers, teenagers house full of kids.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: couple kids, whatever it looks like Maybe your hobbies at that point, or you're cleaning the house together and you're see, that's more like where the women are like yeah, I like that hobby.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Can you help me more?
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: everyone out there, don't?
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: say the word health that's triggering.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Go back to last everyone out there knows what we're talking about?
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: okay, so even if your hobby is not together, when I asked ask Nick hey he went out golfing a couple weeks ago with his friend, like how was your golf game?
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Like did you feel like you did good?
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: Was it fun?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Like it's not like it used to be for him.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: But and Nick asks me sometimes like hey, how?
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: did your pickleball tournament go or whatever.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Like those kinds of questions, even if you're having hobbies or interests that are separated, making sure that you stay curious about like hey, are you still loving doing that?
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Like tell me about it, how was it like?
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Staying interested in your spouse's hobbies is really connecting for your relationship.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I love that, that's the whole point I'm trying to get because a lot of couples don't have time to do it like usually someone's home with the kids, another person goes and does their hobby for the majority, unless you're a newlywed or like empty nesters kind of stage, I think most couples are in that.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: So just staying curious about each other's hobbies and like and being supportive of that is really important.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: That's and that can happen on date night agreed.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Moving on bucket list adventures, I think this is fun to do is to make a bucket list of things you want to do together, like I want to travel here together.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I want to try this together making a bucket list and then crossing it's really good at that I'm totally good at that dreamer and he loves to travel, and I'm like we're not in that stage of life, so why don't you just keep dreaming for now?
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: see, see, and you can have these conversations on your on your date night, where your bucket list gets shot down as you're discussing it, because it usually happens to you know so no, that's why it's called a bucket list.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: It's like honey.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: That is such a great dream.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Why don't you add that to your list?
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: we should do that when you're 40 years older 40 and you can't, and you're in a walker or a wheelchair and I can't.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: I'll be 90, I'll get, I'll get that bucket list when I'm 90.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: hey, dreaming is good.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Dreaming is good and dreaming.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Dreaming is what keeps me, what keeps me happy and and well actually I kind of like jumped to your number seven, which was dream trail.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I'll go back, don't you worry, I'm not messing oh yeah, you know, you can't, I can't skip ahead.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: But dream travel destinations is on nick's date night list and talk about oh man, can he talk about that?
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: and I just I'm not gonna lie, we're just a normal couple here at date night.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I, I roll my eyes sometimes and I'm just like, oh my gosh, we literally just got back from a trip.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Now it's gonna be a while, so just add this goes with the bucket list one, because I'm like just add that to your list for the future and, by the way, that's gonna cost a lot of money, so it ain't gonna happen quite yet.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: That's going to cost a lot of money, so it ain't going to happen quite yet that's true.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Amy's the realistic one, and I have kids and I hate leaving them long.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: But if you read the 2-2-2 rule, that's a key to a happy marriage and so I'm just following that rule.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: It's definitely a rule, just following the rule.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: I have to follow it if I want a happy marriage.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: That's what it says.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: So anyways, yeah, dream travel destinations.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: It's fun to talk about where you want to go together.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Uh, when you're, you know and if it's like so far in the future, like this is not going to happen for a long time, it's still fun to dream together and plan something out and look forward to and be like okay, how do we, how do we save and make this a reality?
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Right, like that's what teamwork is yep, so going back because I skipped one sorry, number six you don't need to apologize favorite food, movies and music.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Well, this one's tricky for us because we have different food tastes.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Um, I think we're pretty okay on the movie section and music.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: We have completely different music.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: No, what are you talking?
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: about completely like you like backstreet boys, I like avenge sevenfold.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: That's a perfect mix oh my gosh that's a perfect mix of joking yeah, not really joking, but um uh, yeah, amy and I, when it comes to music, we, when we're together, we don't play music hey, there's a couple of things that we'd like together there it is I think, oh, maybe anyways.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fun to discuss your favorite foods, like where you can go on date nights, uh, movies, different things like that yeah, so when it comes to date night, I'm just talking about food, and now I'm getting hungry, but we have a thing where nick doesn't want pizza for date night, he doesn't want pot.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, we do.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: We do go out a lot like that's.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: We budget for that, we literally budget for our date nights.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: But that's what keeps us going nick loves to eat out.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: He, I don't love to eat out.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: I love to eat out but I don't like to spend a lot of money eating out.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: But he could go blow a bunch of money eating out and I'm just like that was such a waste.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: But he loves it.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: So I tried, we tried to find a balance there.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: It's true, right yeah yeah, it's totally true.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: But he's like I don't want pasta and I don't want pizza and I don't want.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: What else do you want?
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: You've got a list of like.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: No other than that, I'm totally good I don't want indian, I don't want no one.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: No one wants little caesar's pizza on date night.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: I'm not talking, little caesars, I'm talking the good stuff, but you still don't want pizza on date night sorry, little caesars, we love you, but no, we don't, no, we don't love you, but um, uh, what was I saying you just?
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: you were naming.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: You were naming all the places that I don't like, but you could only name two no, I named three.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I said indian, oh yeah yeah, okay so, anyways, my whole entire point there now I'm getting off track is that we take turns, and I've gotten to a point where I've always like tried to please them, like well, if you don't like this, I guess we could go here again, or I want you to want it too.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: I'm to a point in the marriage now.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I'm like well, you pick one week and I'm literally gonna pick what I want the next week, and that's too bad if you don't like it and we usually settle on mexican nine out of ten times, nine out of ten times mexican so we're good, yeah, so anyways, if you have different like, like, dislikes and likes, marriage is all about compromise.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: So if there's like I love pasta, so sometimes I'm just I would really like pasta and he tries to find something else at that restaurant that's not pasta, but still lets me get pasta.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: So we try to rotate, who picks what we're doing?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: So even if you're staying home or just doing something else, like maybe take turns, hey, it's not always like when you're married 22 years it's like oh, the guy's supposed to plan the date.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: It doesn't always have to be like that, like sometimes I have ideas that I want to do.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: It is nice when he'll be like, hey, I want to take you here and here and like, plan something nice once in a while.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: That is really, really attractive.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: So I like being attractive the point is you, you can, you can take turns, so, yeah, okay all right.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: Next one is how to improve your relationship.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Um, I think that's good, that's a good thing to talk about, it's an important thing, this thing to talk about maybe on date.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Be careful how you ask this.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Because we don't want this to turn into an argument.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Say hey, babe, what am?
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: I doing wrong in our marriage and then you get all defensive no you say I know our relationship's a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: But how do we make it 11?
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: And then you say let's download the ultimate intimacy app.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: And that let's download the ultimate intimacy app and that's the end of the conversation.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Your relationship's improved and you can move on and the wife is like, okay, we'll download it so we can talk about the conversation starters and the husband's like I just wanted the bedroom game well, whatever you want, you'll get with the ultimate intimacy app oh, we're funny um current events or news and how it impacts your marriage.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Um oh, that I think nick's favorite thing to talk about.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: No no, no, no oh let's talk politics.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: I'm like no, don't want to anymore, so tired of it uh, okay, there you have it okay.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: Uh, you could talk about current events or news, how it impacts your marriage super both into it.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: That is a, I guess, a great conversation.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: I it's not that I'm not into it, I just I literally get tired of hearing about it.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Moving on, you can discuss areas of your relationship and how you can improve or how you can develop and grow.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: That was the same as eight.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: No, no, it wasn't.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, oh, I did, I doubled it up, Double up double up.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: My bad, just ignore that one.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: Okay, we'll move on to the next one.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: I can put something in place of that one.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: Perfect, let's do it.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: How can we be more passionate and flirty in our marriage?
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, I like that we could spend hours talking about that.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: There's got to be a pod.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Well, go back a few podcast episodes and we dive into how to pursue your spouse.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: That's a good one.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: How to pursue your spouse.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Go back and listen to that one.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: That is how you make your marriage passionate is pursuing each other.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, it starts with date night and conversation, so this is good.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: This goes hand in hand with it.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: I think that's great um financial goals and plans.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's not always fun to talk about finances, but I think it's vital.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: I think you need to do it and well, some it can be in a positive way some couples, date night is where they have some really deep conversations, because that is the time alone where they can focus on some stuff, right?
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: So if it's applicable to your marriage and needs to be talked about, at least you're away, the two of you, and again, keep it positive.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: But goals should always be a positive conversation, and I actually think.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's enjoyable to talk about financial goals and plans.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Agreed.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: It's not always a bad thing and sometimes I really enjoy doing that.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Um, it's fun to talk about your favorite date night ideas like reminisce and remember, be like, oh, remember, when we did that as a date night, that was fun.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: We should do that again.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: Or talk about maybe I I'll be the first to admit sometimes I'm kind of boring.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: I'm just like friday night rolls.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: I'm like let's go grab some good food and hang out.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Let's go spend all our money on food.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: That's Nick and yeah so, but maybe there's a lot funner things we could be doing on day and night.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: Well, I told you that about a hundred times, but that's not true.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: See, we need to have that discussion.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, that's not true.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: We know, we see, we need to have that discussion we need.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: This is the weakness in our marriage.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: We need to have that discussion.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: We're kind of worn out by friday nights and we are just kind of lazy.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: But, um, speaking of favorite date nights, bucket lists, that kind of thing, if you go to our instagram at ultimate intimacy app and go to our bio link, we now have the fall bucket list, date night idea list where you can get it for free.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: It's just a pdf file and it gives you tons of date ideas home and away for fall.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: So if you need ideas, I don't know, that would be something and you can just look at it on your phone too.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: But go, grab that list and then talk about that date night like hey, do any of these ideas sound fun?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: And just circle or mark the ones that sound fun and plan the next couple months together for sure.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: And there's some good ones.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: I think your favorite one on there is naked movie night.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I don't even think I put that on there sorry oh, you missed that.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Well, that was on our, that was on our two maybe I did.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I was, I think it was on our september challenge, so we I tried to make like more fallish related yeah, that's a good one, like the ones that we don't just always go do like the fun ones that we just said.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: We were gonna try to do something different oh, okay yeah, I got you, yeah, I got you all right, all right next mind one thing dinner, dinner sex that's not true.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: I think of other things every hustle has a listening.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: He's like dinner.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Sex Sounds great Sounds great.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: I think of golf.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I think no, I'm just no you don't.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm usually the ones like let's go golf.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: The next one your favorite love language.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: I think it's so important to discuss this.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: Your favorite love language or your love language more than one love language but it is really important to discuss your love language, because I think we've talked about how that changes over time.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: So it's important to say, hey, what do you feel like your love language is and how can I show love to you through that?
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: And so I know Amy's changed a little bit over time and sometimes it's one thing and sometimes it's another.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I'm just saying, over time and uh, sometimes it's one thing and sometimes it's another.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: And no, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I'm just saying like I think yours sometimes because even the other night we were talking about that and yours 100% used to be gifts, and now you said it was more like um time spent together and I think literally it's because, um, it's hard to buy gifts at this age like I.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: Just like you're in your 40s, you kind of have what you have.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: If you go to the store and you really need something, you buy it.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: We're kind of at a point now where it's, uh, I don't know, it's not quite the same.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: So acts of service for me is like yeah I don't know I, I really feel it.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: There's certain things in life now that I just I really don't know, I really feel it.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: There's certain things in life now that I just I really don't want to do that.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: And when he does that it makes a lot.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, talking Sorry, I was getting off track.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: So yeah, keep having those discussions, go take the quiz on the app.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: It's really short, takes you literally 35 to 45 seconds and it's a quick one.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: It's just an easy one.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Instead of go taking the whole five love language quiz it's like three or four pages and it takes like 20 minutes or whatever go take the mini quiz.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: It's actually really accurate yeah, and then talk about with your spouse on date now.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is how I would feel loved.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: This is what I love.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: This is what I don't love.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: When it comes to gifts, I don't really love this, but I, I literally just love this.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Or my favorite drink, and with nick, it's like he's physical touch, lay of language, it's how can I do a better job at like, touching you non-sexually or?
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: oh, I'm not asking you.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, oh, sorry, I was gonna give you an answer.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Never mind my bad, I forget.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: We're on a podcast.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Um oh, my gosh, talk about where you're at spiritually in your relationship.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: I think that's really important too, um spiritual conversations are important.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, where are you?
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: at what, what can we do better?
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Things like that.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, that's an important thing Um how you can better support each other.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: I think oftentimes we just feel like, oh, things are good.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: We don't really understand maybe what our spouse is going through or how we can support them better.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: But ask your spouse how can I support you better with whatever you're going through?
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: With your hobbies, with your work, with the house, with careers, whatever, yeah.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: For sure Right.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: And it's a pretty direct question too.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: I know that kind of goes hand in hand with the one before.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: It's like how do I improve the relationship?
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: It kind of goes hand in hand with that.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: But this is more direct.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Like how can I support you better at this?
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: And then pick something that they're working really hard at or a goal that they have, and be direct about it.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Like I think that's where it gets tricky is people like oh I'll just.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: How do I improve my marriage?
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: Find something that your spouse like.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: This is where it becomes like I really know my spouse emotionally, like I know my spouse.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: Find something that they're working for and say how do I support you?
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: In this exact category that's what starts.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: The conversation is when they're like oh my gosh, I didn't even realize you were paying attention, that I was working on that, and that means a lot.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: Yep Agreed.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: The next one is sexual and emotional intimacy.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: I think this is very important to talk about.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: How are we doing emotionally?
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: What can I do to be a better husband, to be, to be better, uh, with the kids?
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: What, what?
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: How does our sex life look like?
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: Are we happy with it?
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: What can we do to make that better?
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: And having these are really tough conversations to have, but having them in a kind of a relaxed atmosphere over dinner or something like that is a great time to have these conversations.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: Just don't just don't be sitting too close to someone in another booth or something and have those conversations probably a private area.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Date night right like at a picnic at a park yep but remember, like once again, positivity.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: So how do I like if you're going to ask questions on date night that are, how do I improve this or how do I make this better?
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Or you have to be in a good place where, when they say, I, if you did this more, I would feel more loved or this would improve our relationship, like if you're not at a place where you can take like any kind of criticism, or yeah, I guess criticism or just ways to do things better differently, then be careful the way you ask it, because date night should never end in an argument or a fight.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: Agreed, agreed.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: I really liked the next one.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: You should talk about what you're grateful for.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I think oftentimes, when we express what we're grateful for with each other and in life in general, like we, it's just a positive thing.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Like saying, hey, I'm so grateful for all that you do and the things you know you do this thing.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: Like saying, hey, I'm so grateful for all that you do and the things you know you do this, this and this, and just expressing gratitude.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: I think um is a really good thing, absolutely yep.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: I have nothing to add on that one um 18.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: Uh, you can discuss your favorite ways to relax.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: What are the favorite ways for us to just unwind and and uh don't say it.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Don't say it.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: They already know what you're gonna say.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: Just stop there I wasn't even thinking anything.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: The favorite ways to relax?
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: I you know it's like watching a movie.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: Um, you get the point.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: What are the favorite ways to relax?
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: the point okay, this or you know, hold on, hold on.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: We're going back to that.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: I'm not done with that.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: One nick's like how what are your favorite ways to relax?
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Let's reframe that question.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: What can I do for you to help you relax?
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Can I give you a foot rub tonight?
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Can I give you a shoulder rub?
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you asked, can I give?
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: you a massage?
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Can I like?
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Just can I help you with something Like how are you feeling?
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: Stress level wise?
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Like just asking those questions being a little more direct is helpful.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Agreed, Hopefully.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Maybe that one should have came before the sexual intimacy question, because Nick's going to be like I can tell you exactly.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Lead it right into that next one.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: I am being on my best behavior.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: The next one is fears and anxieties.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: I think that is a hard one to do, but I think it's important to share your fears and anxieties that you have and open up, be vulnerable okay, yeah, very important, very important and the grand finale how to keep the sparks alive in your marriage.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Doing what we just said, all those things.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, have that discussion Like hey, baby, how do we keep things spicy?
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Just come out and say it, say our marriage is mediocre.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: I want it to be thriving.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: How do we get there?
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Let's make a plan.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Let's go download this bucket list.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Let's plan some date bucket list.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Let's plan some date nights.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Let's plan some sexual intimacy, if we need to and it's probably going to look completely different.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: Uh, for the needs for a wife and a husband, they they're going to look different, but as you meet each other's needs, as long as you're both moving up and and keeping the sparks alive and excited and passionate and things like that like that's what it's all about, right, meeting each other's needs and keeping things fun and exciting how do we accomplish this one and accomplish this one and how do we make them both equally important?
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: and yeah, that's marriage, that's marriage and if you need a great way to keep the sparks alive in your marriage, go check out ultimate intimacy, our ultimate intimacy, our Ultimate Intimacy shop.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: We got tons of great products and they're just so good, I mean.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Have you checked out our card decks?
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to talk about those for a minute.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: First off, thank you for your support.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Our shop keeps our podcast going.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: We hand designed all our card decks.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: That's probably why there's a couple mistakes in them, sorry.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: There is mistakes in them.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Sorry, there is, I don't know.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Probably you can't, you can't, announce that on there.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I can, okay, yeah I can, I'm human.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: But I just want to say we like literally with experts, design the intimate game.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: There's date night ideas, the whole card deck on date ideas.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: We're talking about dating, right, like, if you want an entire deck of ideas, it's awesome.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Conversation starters they're great.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Make great wedding presents.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: If you're trying to not be on your phone because we get a lot of the time to comment like, well, you're trying to get people off your phones, but you build an app for marriages.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: Our motto is if you're going to be on your phone, you might as well be strengthening your marriage, but if you don't want to be on your phone, you literally want to take that challenge.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: The conversation card deck is awesome and it's a great gift hey, we were on our phone the other night with truth or dare and that definitely helped our marriage tmi, but it did.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Yes, truth or dare, the intimate game, the non-graphic positions, hand designed, hand designed and the card decks are awesome.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: So if you, if you want a lot of the stuff that's on the app, but you want a physical product because you're literally like we turn our phones off at seven, you're trying to stick to that boundary.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: We have the card decks to go with the app, so just want to throw that out there yeah, so go check it out.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: Shopultimateintimacycom.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Let us know if you have any questions.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: We're here to answer any questions you have and we really appreciate listening to the podcast.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: We get people that email us with feedback, you know it's usually not good, it's usually good it's usually good, sometimes like, hey, you guys suck and that's okay no, we don't.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: I've never seen that I'm teasing we appreciate your feedback, regardless of what it is, or if there's topics we haven't talked about.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: Let us know what you want to hear as well, and we appreciate listening to the podcast and hold on.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: I have to say I don't know what episode this is, but we just hit 300, 300, episode 300.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: We just hit episode.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: I never thought that it would go this fast oh, it's gone so fast.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: It's been amazing, and we still have subjects to talk about, I know can you believe that so well, once again, by saying that you never run out of things to say, like even how, no matter how long we've, we, um did a meeting or something.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Interview podcast.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: Can't remember a couple days ago with a lady that had been married 45 years?
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: Same conversation.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: It never has to get boring, so anyways that's why we gave you all these topics.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: It could never get boring.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Keep it exciting.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: Anyways, until next time, we hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.