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The SNL Cold Open That Featured 'Epstein' · The Epstein Chronicles

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  Speaker 1: All right, and now to the article. This article is
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  from the New York Post and it was written by
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  Lee Brown. The headline SNL Cold Open, Alan Dershowitz reunites
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  with just Hanging Jeffrey Epstein in Hell and Now, obviously
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  I'm sure everyone has watched the clip by now or
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  watched it, but I figured it was something that we
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  should enter into the catalog so that we have it
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  here and you know, we could refer back to it
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  at some point. Check out the clip and have another laugh.
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  So to the article, and oh make sure, if you
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  haven't seen it yet, you can watch it on YouTube
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  or if you click on the postlink here, they have
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  a hyperlink to it, so you can check it out
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  there as well. All right, So onto the article. President
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  Trump impeachment lawyer Alan Dershowitz got sent to Hell in
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  the first Saturday Night Live skit of twenty twenty, getting
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  reunited with pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, who said he was just hanging.
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  And like I said, Adam Driver played Jeffrey Epstein in
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  the skit and he did a pretty damn good job.
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  It was pretty funny. SNL legend John Lovetz made her
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  return to the comedy show to play Dershowitz rehearsing his
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  planned impeachment trial strategy for Senators Mitch McConnell and Susan
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  Collins after terrifying them that he would compare Trump to
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  his former clients, naming Epstein, OJ Simpson and Claus von
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  Buloh Love, It's Dershowitz had a heart attack in the
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  cold open and ended up in Hell. Oh my gosh,
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  look at that freaking Dershowitz. A red faced, a red
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  suited Satan played by Kate McKinnon says it's excitedly jumping
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  up to give to give a hug, then pointing out
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  he wasn't even dying. So yeah, if you haven't watched
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  it yet, she you know, Dershowitz supposedly has a heart
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  attack and dies and goes to meet Satan. And when
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  she gets when he gets down there to meet Satan,
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  who is played by Kate McKinnon, she gets all pumped
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  up about it that she's actually getting to meet Dershowitz.
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  I'm gonna send you back upstairs in a minute. Honestly,
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  I just really wanted to meet you. McKinnon's hornheaded Satan gushed,
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  I never say this. I'm a huge fan. No, seriously,
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  you're the goat, Satan told him, referring to the greatest
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  of all time and saying she was about to fangirl
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  out so hard. So they're savaging Dershowitz here right now,
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  saying he is such an evil, disgusting, sob that Satan
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  even wants to meet him, that Satan is pumped up
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  to meet him, and that Satan's a huge fan of
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  his work. So for somebody like Dershowitz, who goes crazy
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  if his name's even mentioned in the media, this has
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  to be a real kick to the gut. Right Saturday
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  and Night Saturday Night Live their first cold open of
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  the season, and they just completely and they utterly savage
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  him this way, absolutely perfect, well done. Satan then interviewed
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  Dershowitz for Podcasts, saying she invented the audio shows where
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  the lawyer said he would represent anyone who is famous
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  enough to get me on TV. Oh boy, hilarious. Star
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  Wars actor Adam Driver, the episode's host, then walked out
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  as late pedophile Epstein, who Dershowitz had represented, even getting
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  accused of having even getting accused of having sex with
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  one of the pedophile's accusers asked what he was doing there,
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  Driver's Epstein replied, just hanging, drawing gasps at the quip
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  about the multimillionaire pedophile who was found hanging in his
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  Manhattan federal lock up in August, and that line was
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  perfectly delivered. When driver said it, folks, kylo Ren came
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  out and he dropped a bomb on these folks. Oh,
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  you know, just hanging. It was absolutely hilarious and I
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  was dying watching it. And if you haven't seen it yet,
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  me telling you about it obviously does not do it justice.
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  Make sure you click on the link and you go
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  check it out. When Epstein said it was too bad
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  I was murdered, his lawyer seemed to hint at widely
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  spread conspiracy theories that the pervert was killed by famous friends, replying,
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  I know, trust me, I know. And while that's a
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  joke for them and they're just trying to throw it
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  in there, what it shows you is how much this
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  has embedded itself in the mainstream folks. How much this
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  whole entire Jeffrey Epstein situation has gone mainstream and people
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  don't believe what they're hearing in this story, right, It's
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  not like, you know, it's some crazy guy just saying,
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  oh this is what this didn't happen. No, there's like
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  no evidence to prove the narrative that they're trying to
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  feed us. Zero evidence, folks. So you know, now that
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  this is embedded in mainstream, you have Saturday Night Live
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  doing a cold open, the first one of the season,
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  and I get it right, it's more of an attack
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  on Dershowitz. And that's fine because Dershowitz deserves to be attacked, right.
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  I have no love for Alan Dershowitz. I have zero
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  love for Alan Dershowitz. I've told you here on the
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  podcast one hundred times. If you're going to believe Virginia
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  about one thing, you have to believe her about the rest. Right.
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  So I believe Virginia Roberts account of everything that happened.
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  In my opinion, what she said about all of these
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  people is true. And I you know, I understand that
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  these networks and shows like even SNL, they have to
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  tread lightly, but I wish they would have went a
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  little bit further. Right, It's not just because Dershowitz has
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  defended these people. No, that's not the case, at least
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  not for me. While I find him reprehensible. I believe
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  that everyone's entitled to defense in this country, and you know,
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  that's just the way it is. But at the same time,
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  I'm not going to forget that he is being accused
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  of actually abusing Virginia Roberts folks. All right, there is
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  no way in hell that him representing oj or von
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  Buloh or anybody else, or Epstein or anyone is worse
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  than him engaging in the actual act. Right, So don't
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  get me wrong, I think he's reprehensible, and personally, as
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  a lawyer, I don't think I could ever defend these people.
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  But I understand that as a lawyer, that's your job.
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  I mean, it's just the way it is. These guys
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  become lawyers, they don't you know, for the most part,
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  they don't pick and choose who they're going to defy
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  in like depending on the crime. Right, these lawyers they
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  try and defend their clients as to the best of
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  their ability. And you know, while I believe that his
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  defense of Epstein did go overboard, right, Alan Dershowitz is
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  not like your regular kind of lawyer. In my opinion,
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  Alan Dershowitz is the kind of guy that gets into
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  the back room and starts making or all sorts of
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  crazy deals. So it's not like he's just you know,
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  defending these people in the court of law and you know,
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  doing his best to get them off. Oh No, it
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  was a whole different thing with Epstein, right, So I
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  can understand why the outrage of him defending Epstein was there,
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  But the other clients I really can't get too fired
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  up about because at the end of the day, no
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  matter how good your lawyer is, if you're guilty and
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  the state has a quality case, you're going to be
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  in a lot of trouble, right because, unless, of course,
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  you're Epstein and you're being protected by intelligence, the state
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  loves their convictions boy, especially the FEDS. So look, Dershowitz
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  is a completely and disgusting, gross individual. And him getting
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  fired up and roasted like this on Saturday Night Live
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  for all of the people who might not be that
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  familiar with the case, for all of them to see
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  as well, it is much welcomed. And I hope that
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  people continue this trend and keep blasting him, because I
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  kept my underwear on. Dershowitz deserves it, He deserves the scrutiny,
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  and he deserves to be asked a lot of seriously
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  hard questions. Others greeting them in Hell included the man
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  who wrote the kids song Baby Shark Flow from the
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  Progressive TV ads and recently killed off mister Peanut, who
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  said he was there because he took out a lot
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  of first graders with peanut allergies. Even McConnell played by
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  Beck Bennett and Wrapped and White Towels joined them, saying
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  he just used Hell as a sauna. Out was Facebook
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  CEO Mark Zuckerberg, played by Alex Moffatt, as Hell's it guy,
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  there to fix the cable in time for the impeachment trial.
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  I just want everyone to know that I don't endorse evil.
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  I just helped millions of people share it, Moffitt. Zuckerberg said,
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  even for me, that's haunting. Satan replied, ending the skit, well,
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  I you know one thing I will say about the
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  impeachment trial. I don't think you're gonna have to worry about,
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  you know, fixing the cable in time the you know,
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  nobody's really watching it. Unfortunately, folks. It's just political theater,
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  and it doesn't seem that are too many people are
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  that interested in it. But the skit last night. That
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  SNL skit last night was absolutely positively worth watching. So
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  if you have not seen it yet, folks, me reading
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  it obviously does not do it the justice it deserves.
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  You have to watch it. The deliveries are great, and
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  I'm not really a big John Lovett fan, but he
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  did a pretty damn good job in this skit. And
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  it's funny that he was in this because I was
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  just talking to my girlfriend Carrie and I was telling
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  her the other day I forget what show was on TV,
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  but John Lovetz was in it, and I was like, man,
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  I really don't care for John Lovetts all that much
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  except for some of the stuff he did on Saturday
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  Night Live. And lo and behold a few days later,
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  there he is back on Saturday Night Live. So if
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  you haven't checked it out, make sure you do that.
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  The video is in the article, so you can click
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  on the hyperlink inside of the description box and go
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  to the article there, or just go to the New
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  York Post itself and check it out. And uh yeah,
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  it's definitely well worth the watch, all right, folks. I
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  will be back tomorrow morning with the usual morning update,
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  and uh yeah, we'll keep it rocking and rolling. If
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  you like to contact me, you can do that at
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  Bobby Kapuci at ProtonMail dot com. That's bo b b
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  y c ap U c c I at ProtonMail dot com.
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  If you would like to help,