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Transcript

It's Friday I'm Not Growing Old Alone · Friday I'm in Bed

0:00
Hello, welcome to Friday. I'm in bed.
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Podcasts for midlife women living their best life but in
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bed by 10. This week on Friday, I'm in bed.
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We're starting with the fact that fewer people are going out
0:16
in the evenings and pubs are closing at a rate of two a day
0:19
in the UK. We're asking why.
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Is it the cost of living, 10 LB pints or just a shift in how
0:24
people want to spend their time? Younger generations seem to be
0:27
choosing the gym, coffee and earlier nights, so should we be
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looking at a more Mediterranean model instead, where evenings
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are slower, social and not centred around alcohol?
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Then we're talking about more women choosing to live together
0:39
in later life. Is it about cost?
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Companionship, well, something bigger, a move towards community
0:45
and mutual support rather than relying on traditional
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structures. We're asking the question, have
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you actually thought about who's going to look after you as you
0:53
get older? Or is it time we start planning
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to look after ourselves and each other?
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So grab a cuppa and let's get into it.
1:06
Hi Gemma, how are you? Hi Kate, how are you?
1:10
We've been pissing people off this week, I hear.
1:13
Apparently so. Us not looking at the camera has
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been a point of contention. Obviously most of you will be
1:22
listening on like Spotify or something anyway, but those of
1:25
you, but it'll be the reels on Instagram and the Tik Toks that
1:29
are causing some consternation because we are not looking at
1:32
the camera. So I'm just going to tell you
1:34
that I know it's hard to believe, but this is not a
1:37
professional studio set up. So if you're going to watch
1:40
like, Zoe Ball on a podcast, yeah, I think that they've got a
1:43
lot of people helping them out with that.
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Whereas me and Kate have our laptops and a camera, and the
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laptop camera is at the top and our faces are below that.
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And if we have to read a script, we also don't have a
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teleprompter. So that's somewhere else
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entirely. So that is why we're not looking
2:03
at the camera and we have deeply sorry if you find it upsetting.
2:06
And also, we're deeply, we're deeply sorry if today we just
2:08
stare at the camera constantly. I know, but I I've realized I
2:13
look at you like when I'm talking to you, I look at your
2:16
face and your face is below the camera.
2:19
So now if anyone's watching this.
2:21
I am looking at the camera, but now just feels a bit like I'm.
2:25
It just feels weird. Yeah.
2:27
And anyway, I'm gorgeous. Why wouldn't we want to look at
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me? I'm just in, but I've been
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barring that top that's. It's nice.
2:32
It's a dress, bunnies on it. Oh, OK, so if you are just
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listening to this, you really need to like go and look at the
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Bunny dress on TikTok. We're on TikTok, we're on
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Instagram, we're on YouTube. Go go look at the Bunny dress
2:46
because it's great. Wait, how are you Gemma?
2:49
I am good. Today is my annual Gems in a
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funny mood day because it's the five year anniversary of the day
2:54
I had my MRI and was then wheeled into hospital.
2:56
So I tend to get this is the day where I get a bit more because I
3:00
remember like it was scary and it was lonely and it was
3:03
horrible. But other than that, there's
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nothing wrong with me now. So I'm just grumpy.
3:08
But I promise not to let it affect my opinions on anyone
3:11
who's annoying today. How about you?
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Yeah, I'm good. I'm in a lot better frame of
3:15
mind than the last last week and the week before.
3:18
My daughter's had one GCSE. They all start properly on
3:20
Monday and then it's like 2 a day and yeah, I feel like I'm
3:25
ready to sit. The English literature paper
3:27
one, like I've been revising it with her.
3:30
I can tell you about A Christmas Carol.
3:32
Amazing. Like literally I'm ready.
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I'm also ready to take the RE exam.
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I can talk to you about Islam. I'm there.
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That's my life, literally helping my daughter.
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And The thing is, is I set a precedent like I did this with
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my son. So I kind of feel like I have
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to. And then that sounds really
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awful, doesn't it? Like I don't, I don't love her
3:49
as much and obviously I don't, but I'm like, oh, damn, I wish
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I'd never wish. I just was like, get on with
3:55
your revision. Whereas I'm now like writing
3:57
flash cards and testing her. But yeah, it's all good.
4:01
I, when I revised for my GTSEI, recorded all my notes onto a
4:05
tape, a tape. I am tape old.
4:10
And then just sat and listened to them back like that was going
4:12
to help. And then every now and then gone
4:14
on the tapes, there was me. I'd have music on in the
4:15
background, Guns and Roses if you want to know.
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But every now and again I got oh, hang on, I like this song.
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I sit there in silence. Shot of mine.
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So, so yeah, that was, I don't know if that was the best
4:27
revision tactic, but it was what it was.
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Nobody wrote me flash cards. It's a really good one.
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I mean I must say I'm only helping with the ones that I
4:34
actually like. I have an English literature
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degree, so helping her with her English literature GCSE is
4:41
actually fun to me. But when it comes to like maths
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and science, I'm like. See you later, you're on your
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own. Definitely.
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So yeah, all is good here, but we've got lots to chat about
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today, so should we get into? It yes, let's get into it.
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First topic of discussion today is all about partying and
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boozing and all the things we did loads of in the late 80s and
5:04
throughout the 90s, maybe into the 90s, but nobody's really
5:08
doing today. So the Guardian wrote an article
5:11
this week. It was more of an opinion piece,
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so it wasn't full of like stats and things about somebody going
5:17
out in Birmingham on a Saturday night.
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And there was like, it was like a ghost town, although ghost
5:23
town by fun boys, by the specials, that was actually
5:25
about Birmingham, wasn't it? Because they were from
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Birmingham anyway, is a ghost town.
5:30
Nobody's going out. And there's also been ABBC
5:32
report this week, particularly focusing on Gen.
5:36
Z's and how they are not going out.
5:38
So Gen. Z's are like 15 years old,
5:41
obviously too young to be going out up to 29, maybe even 30 now.
5:45
They might have all had their, you know, starting to have their
5:47
30th birthday. So young, young people basically
5:51
aren't going out. Interestingly, it was also
5:54
reported last week that a pint has hit the heady heights of a
6:00
tenor. So a couple of facts before I
6:03
jump into some of the reasons young people are saying they're
6:05
not going out is that it was reported yesterday on the news
6:08
that two pubs are closing a day in the UK. 1/4 of late night
6:13
venues have closed since 2020. Obviously the pandemic will be a
6:17
big part of that, and in fact the pandemic probably played a
6:20
big part in all of this as a whole.
6:22
But also it's worth talking about inflation.
6:24
So I was reading some of the comments on some of these
6:27
articles as I do, and somebody, there's quite a few people
6:30
talking about them going out in 1980 and a pint was 25 Pi, think
6:35
it's actually 23 P but 25 P. So I went into the Bank of
6:40
England's inflation checker calculator which told me that
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with inflation, if a pint was 25 P in 1980, it should be £1.09
6:50
today. And we know it's just hit a
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tenner in some locations. Obviously I know that if you
6:56
know, that's probably London and it's probably in a big glossy
6:59
bar, but still. And I know personally I used to
7:02
go out in 19809890 with a fiver. My mum always tells me she gave
7:08
me a fiver to go out, which was to pay for the taxi, she said.
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But I always heard you walking up the road, you never seem to
7:14
get a taxi. It was like.
7:16
Oh, they dropped me at the end of the road.
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However, if you went out in 1990 with a fiver in your pocket and
7:23
you had the night of your life, which we all did in 1990, the
7:27
equivalent would be £12.60 today.
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And I said to my son, you know, could you go out on 12 LB sixty.
7:32
And he was like cost, you know, it costs £3 I think, or 5 lbs to
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get into the pub that is open till late.
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And then there's the club. And obviously you can get a pint
7:44
for a fiber in Wetherspoon. But then when you go to the pub,
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you know, the one that you pay for, it's 6 lbs, seven pound,
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you know, like no chance. So the report from the BBC has
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mentioned a few things, obviously inflation, cost of
7:56
living and young people are saying, actually, I'd rather,
8:00
you know, I've got to save up for a house or save up for a
8:02
car, save up, you know, paying off my student loan.
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You're like, we don't have a lot of disposable cash, which of
8:08
course nobody has a lot of disposable cash really these
8:10
days. But young people particularly
8:12
haven't. A lot of people are saying
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they're choosing not to drink at all.
8:15
In fact, lifestyles are changing.
8:17
If you think of I can absolutely talk about myself, but you know,
8:20
when I was 18, obviously when I was legally drinking, you know,
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I went out and I partied all night and I and I got up and
8:27
went to work the next day and bleary eyed but did.
8:30
We do that. Young people today apparently
8:34
prefer the gym and coffee and things, which also it seemed
8:39
really super relevant to me because, you know, often I go
8:42
out and I fancy a hot chocolate. Like, why aren't there
8:45
establishments where you can just get a hot drink or a soft
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like, it's all revolving around alcohol.
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And if you're choosing not to drink, We know that sober living
8:54
is seriously on the rise with what in general, but
8:57
particularly with young people who we generally associate with
9:00
boozing. One woman said she didn't want
9:03
to appear in the background of other people's stories.
9:06
So obviously people are filming, you know, so it's this, it's
9:09
easy to say all young people are just on their phones, but
9:12
they're saying, well, no, we're out.
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But I, we're ending up on other people's stories or being
9:15
recorded and, and that's all a bit rubbish.
9:18
And another thing, the final thing before I open this up for
9:21
debate and discussion was an interview with Louise McLean.
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I think that's how you say it, Who is a director of a pub
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chain. I don't know which pub chain.
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And she's saying that young people want to be entertained.
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So whilst our entertainment was just going down the pub and
9:37
getting drunk, drinking and stumbling home and not getting
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in that taxi, my mother had given me the money for people.
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Young people are wanting more. So it made me feel think of the
9:50
cinema chat we've talked about, I think about Christmas time, we
9:53
were talking about how people aren't going to the cinemas, but
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actually people want experiences.
9:57
You know, secret cinema. There's a, there's a rise for
10:00
older people going to raves like reclaiming the nostalgic part of
10:04
things, like people want something specific to do.
10:08
Grassroot venues are struggling, so music venues, but when people
10:12
do go to them, they are there because there's something to do
10:14
and actually just sitting in the pub just feels to them
10:19
apparently just a bit boring. So yeah, that's the topic for
10:24
debate. Did you, Gemma, my first
10:26
question, this is obviously an ironical question.
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Ironical. Ironical did you?
10:31
Ironical is the wrong word. You go out boozing as a
10:34
youngster or were you going to be him and drinking matcha?
10:38
No, I don't think you could get matcha.
10:40
I think matcha was like, like, yeah, you couldn't.
10:43
No, yes, very much so. I mean, yeah, I I mean, I can
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remember. So we used to buy when we were
10:50
obviously old enough to drink. Yeah.
10:54
So we used to, we used to drink outside of like the music venue
10:58
that we used to go to when we were kids.
10:59
We used to used to go to the off license across the road and they
11:02
used to sell a bottle of wine called La Mancha, which was
11:05
delicious. And I remember it was 199.
11:07
And then we used to get 10 Silk Cut.
11:09
I think they were like £1.10 or something like that.
11:12
So we would be able to get a bottle of La Mancha and we'd
11:16
push the cork in with a key because we didn't have screw
11:19
tops then either. So I get my dimmer frame out now
11:22
and 10 Silk Cut and have a few quid left to pay the entry to
11:27
the venue for a fiver. So a fiver was like a good like
11:31
amount of money to go out. Oh I hate talking about this
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because you're like literally I am so old like.
11:38
Well, you say that, but some of the people in the comments were
11:41
also, you know, from the inflation perspective were
11:43
saying you could go out with like £20 in 2008.
11:48
Exactly. Yeah, and I think that the the
11:50
kind of inflation and the cost of living thing is, is a big
11:53
part of it. If, if you're not sensible with
11:58
your money, it's not just that, you know, you might not be able
12:00
to buy a house, it's like you might not be able to pay your,
12:03
that's an electric bill. I mean, I guess an electric bill
12:05
was like £15 a month or something stupid.
12:07
I mean, and even in like, even like 10 years ago, our gas and
12:11
electric bill was like 4050 LB a month.
12:13
Now it's like 200. So it's, and I'm certainly not
12:17
earning anymore. So some something's got to give.
12:19
I mean, I quite often joke that I need a responsible adult and I
12:23
seem to get Gen. Z responsible adults a lot.
12:26
So, and the last couple of times I've been on holiday, my, when
12:29
I've been on those like group trips that I've been on, my
12:31
roommate has been Gen. Z.
12:33
So the first roommate I had was 21 and second one was 29 on the
12:37
the last two trips I went on. So they were, they were Gen.
12:39
Z's, but I just joked that they were my responsible adults
12:42
because they were, they were way more grown up than me.
12:46
They're like, yeah. And I'm like, Oh dear.
12:49
But then yesterday I was having a pedicure because I can't reach
12:51
my feet and I'm so bougie now. And the, the girl that does my
12:56
pedicures has been doing them for ages and she's 22.
12:59
And I've, I made some stupid joke about people having a five
13:01
year plan and she went, oh, I've got a five year plan.
13:04
And I was like, what? They're really.
13:07
Grown up, her and her her and her partner are saving for a
13:10
house and like they've got like a when I was 22, that never even
13:15
crossed my mind. But I guess, you know, house
13:18
prices haven't gone up so much. If you don't start thinking
13:21
about that at 22, you're never going to have anywhere to live.
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And I mean, even like rents are a nightmare now and finding
13:26
somewhere to rent. I get why.
13:28
I get why that, like everything is just so ridiculous now that
13:31
you you can't be frivolous if it feels like frivolity.
13:37
Frivolity and impulsivity is gone.
13:41
Do you think we've lost something?
13:44
Yeah, I absolutely do. I think it's a bit of a rite of
13:48
passage, the whole going out partying.
13:51
And now, I mean, I don't drink as we're saying, yeah, I'm
13:53
eleven years sober. I'm not, you know, But even if
13:56
you're not drunk, it's this rite of passage of going out, meeting
14:00
people, meeting people organically.
14:03
So you're not sliding into DMS or swiping left or right or
14:07
whatever. You know, you're out, you're
14:08
meeting people. And you know what?
14:10
I've got to big up some of the young people in my life a minute
14:15
because last Thursday was my son's final project for college.
14:19
So he's 18, so it's like a level equivalent.
14:22
And he had to put on an event and he put on a gig.
14:25
He headlined and they had like nearly 150 through the door of a
14:28
like 175 capacity venue. It was really full and it was
14:33
full of young people partying and enjoying themselves and it's
14:38
like I sat there. Where we?
14:40
All of us. Oldies sat there in a kind of
14:43
like this is how it should be because this is how it was.
14:47
Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but what I'm hearing,
14:49
obviously it isn't like that people aren't going out and, and
14:53
the same venue that we went to that I'm talking about, they,
14:57
they were talking to me about how the cost per the bar bill
15:01
tab per head is just not doing the maths.
15:04
You know, they can get 500 people through the door, but 500
15:08
people aren't spending a lot of money because of the price,
15:12
because older people, so my our generation are or maybe having
15:17
to get a taxi home or they're not drinking because they're
15:18
driving home or they've got to get back for the child, you
15:21
know, the babysitter or whatever.
15:22
So there's kind of less partying and young people just don't have
15:26
the money. Therefore they're getting people
15:28
through the door to watch the band.
15:30
But people aren't spending on alcohol, which is a big part of
15:34
how the venue has, you know, makes money.
15:36
And you see, and the youngsters, God, I sound old, round the
15:41
corner at the corner shop off license buying their alcohol
15:46
before they go in. They don't take it in, they
15:48
drink it outside. And you sort of think, but then
15:50
we did exactly the same. However, we still have money to
15:54
spend money when we were in there.
15:56
So it's kind of like they are. There are drank a.
15:58
Lot more, yeah. Well, there are some still
16:00
drinking, but they can't afford to drink and you have to pay to
16:05
get in. Like there's this up near us
16:06
that's open till two. It's not a club, it's a pub.
16:10
Well, kind of, you know, it's a bit glam and you go from there
16:13
to the club, but you have to pay to get in there.
16:16
So you have to pay to get in the pub, even like these youngsters.
16:20
The other thing that came up quite a lot is the thing 25
16:24
rule, which of course is a good thing.
16:27
We don't want, you know, we need everybody's alcohol consumption
16:31
to be checked. Let's just say, yeah, because,
16:35
you know, we are a nation that has historically binged a lot.
16:38
So like, I get it all. But when we were younger, anyone
16:42
could well, particularly we could get you could get served.
16:44
And I'm not saying that's a good thing.
16:46
But no. But it's it means that it's
16:48
changed the culture. It has changed the culture
16:50
because you've got to take ID and you've got.
16:52
Even though you've got ID, you've got to be.
16:55
And it's harder to forge these days.
16:57
Well, you can't. Yeah.
16:58
A piece of paper put through the school laminator is not going to
17:00
cut it, No. And even when you have genuine.
17:04
Because some of them move forward when you have genuine ID
17:07
you, it feels like you have to prove it and you've got security
17:10
on the door of all of the pubs and staff on a Saturday night,
17:13
which is again sad because it shouldn't be needed, but it is
17:17
needed. And lots of people saying, you
17:19
know, we, we had a different culture back in the 80s and 90s
17:22
and probably earlier, you know, like we went out drinking early,
17:26
but it just doesn't. Happen anymore.
17:27
So I feel like there's kind of two aspects to it.
17:30
I would I am never going to argue that it's bad that people
17:33
are drinking less and thinking about their health more.
17:37
That's not something that I'm going to argue, but I think it's
17:41
that opportunity to be a bit irresponsible for a while that's
17:45
missing. Like, I mean, when you're young,
17:47
that's the bit where you get to do it.
17:49
And if you you can kind of say, you know, well, when you're
17:51
older when you retire or whatever and you know kids have
17:54
left home, then maybe you can be responsible then, but you're too
17:56
old to be irresponsible then because you've learned that you
17:58
need to be responsible. Like the fear, the fear is there
18:02
like, you know, the things that you would have done without,
18:04
like throwing yourself off a off off a Cliff.
18:08
I'm talking about like bungee jumping, you know, like, not
18:10
just like throwing yourself off a Cliff.
18:12
You know, the the risky things. Sometimes there's that that
18:14
little bit of like, was that safe though?
18:16
If we done the health and safety checks creeps in.
18:18
And I think it's, it is a shame to lose that bit where you get
18:22
to be irresponsible. However, for the like the other
18:24
angle of it is what you were saying about getting out in real
18:27
life and socializing with people.
18:29
But actually I do see any racing amount of events and places
18:35
where you can do that. So you still so locally to me
18:38
particularly there are a few things.
18:40
There's a well, we, we have an alcohol free bar in Norwich.
18:43
It's attached to a sauna and cold plunge place called called
18:48
Lion's Den. And so there's a, there's one in
18:51
the city that has an alcohol free bar and they do food and
18:53
they do all kinds of alcohol free booze and stuff like that.
18:57
But they also had one down by the river.
18:58
And I've been for nights out there before where they just
19:00
literally do like loaded hot chocolates and matcha lattes and
19:04
toasties and things. So I've had like a lovely
19:07
evening there by the river with the lights on when the sun's
19:10
light and it's covered and they've got like fire pits and
19:13
blankets and you can get marshmallows to toast.
19:15
And I've had like an amazing night out there with people I
19:20
know. And they do social events as
19:21
well. Do they serve out them?
19:24
At all. I think they might do a hot
19:28
chocolate with Baileys in it. Because the the problem.
19:30
I have with that's it. They don't sell.
19:32
They don't sell alcohol at all there though.
19:35
There is a pub next door or at the one in the city because.
19:38
The problem, I mean, that sounds amazing for me.
19:41
My husband would hate that and I want to go out with him.
19:44
And I think this thing kind of brings up the whole kind of
19:47
Mediterranean vibe where people drink outside.
19:51
Obviously the weather is a lot better and you know, and you
19:55
might get your alcohol from there, but you might get an ice
19:58
cream or a waffle or whatever from from the one next door and
20:02
you'll sit outside and there's family and you still.
20:06
Have fun and you might then go on clubbing.
20:08
Maybe you know you, but it's that kind of we're all together
20:12
and we all have our different like needs if you like.
20:14
Whereas pub culture in the UK is 100% built around.
20:20
I think see, I have seen more places like the pub around the
20:23
corner from me that always does a couple of alcohol free
20:25
options, but they're not like a lot of them.
20:27
I think the the range is broadening from just I'll have a
20:31
coke then I think you know, or AJ2O.
20:34
So some of them do alcohol free beers and stuff.
20:36
But I do, I do agree with you, our generation.
20:40
But I was kind of thinking more about like, you know, the
20:42
younger generation, the Gen. Z's that are socializing and
20:46
they are socializing and they're going to these kind of alcohol
20:49
free spaces. And that's one of the things
20:51
that they do like a singles night there.
20:53
So, you know, so they do do like a dating night and that kind of
20:57
thing. And they do digital detox there.
21:00
I think as well as someone was saying the other day, I've also
21:03
noticed things like social runs. So there was one that a lot of
21:07
people I know are buying a ticket for at the moment, which
21:09
was, and I'm not, I'm just not sure I can do it because it's,
21:12
it's a, it's a Saturday evening run for people who would like to
21:16
socialize without alcohol. But it's got a back to the 90s.
21:19
Theme sounds good. Yeah, but there's some of us who
21:22
were like. But it's still the 90s, surely?
21:26
What happened only last week? Yeah, I think.
21:29
Yeah, so for like 10 lbs you get an alcohol free drink, you go
21:32
for like a little 5K run around the streets at 7:00 on a
21:35
Saturday night and they meet people and they socialize.
21:37
So I think maybe there are other options.
21:39
Opening up, you live at Norwich and Norwich is cool and it's in
21:44
my brain, it's independent, it's a lot of Indies.
21:47
Whereas you know where I am there are little.
21:51
There are some things but not a lot if there is a reason to go
21:55
out. So if somebody does on a sink,
21:57
to be fair, one of the pubs does a single night, but it's all the
22:00
oldies that go there, young people, they'll end up going.
22:04
Where would they go? The cinema or the gym?
22:07
I mean, that is what's happening in our town.
22:09
I mean, saying that my, my son seems to go out on a Saturday
22:12
night and roll in at 4:00 in the morning.
22:16
So there are some people going out, I tell you.
22:19
But obviously, but it's expensive.
22:22
Yeah, I guess. Maybe it'll, maybe it'll.
22:24
Spread but £10 a pint I. Know that is out.
22:28
That is outrageous. Well, I mean, I went to a beer
22:30
festival at weekend and quite often I'll buy like thirds, like
22:36
especially at beer festival. So you can actually a lot of
22:38
places you can buy like 1/3 of a pint now, right?
22:41
Because it was a craft beer beer festival.
22:43
I kind of didn't notice but a lot of those third of a pints
22:45
were costing like £4 and then you're kind of like, Oh my God,
22:49
that is like 12 LB a pint like so yeah.
22:54
But I mean it stopped me getting blotto I guess.
22:57
But what will we do? So if the pubs close, continue
23:00
at the rate, well, I was going to say what what will everybody
23:04
do? But we'll probably do all the
23:06
things we've just mentioned. How do we stop the pubs then?
23:09
Or how do they stop? Because how are they all going
23:12
to survive if young people and that you know, in the next
23:15
round, you know that that become legal, don't go to them and we
23:20
all disappear. This is something that I, I've
23:24
thought about a lot and it's like, and I think we were
23:26
talking about, I can't remember what topic it was we were
23:28
talking about now when we were kind of saying that your
23:30
businesses have to adapt, yes, to their, to what's going on.
23:34
And if they don't adapt, they will close.
23:36
So if people aren't wanting to buy 10 LB pints, what can you,
23:41
and they want entertainment, what can you give them at your
23:44
venue which will make them want to come?
23:46
So it's not a case of saying, oh, well, none of them are
23:50
drinking. So all the pubs are going to
23:51
have to close because people will always still want those
23:53
spaces where they can socialize or get together or not be in
23:57
their house. Even when we live through 2020,
23:59
not being in your house, it's always a good thing.
24:02
But you, you have to become that space.
24:04
You can't just go, oh, well, we've always just sold booze and
24:06
it's too expensive now and no one's coming.
24:07
You have to think, right, well, what, what are they going to
24:09
buy? Can I sell thirds of a pint, for
24:11
example? Can I sell more interesting
24:13
beers? So I'm not just doing like
24:15
Fosters or or whatever, you know, so that people will try
24:19
several, like buy a flight of third of a pint of three
24:22
different beers or a bigger range of alcohol free beers and
24:26
spirits or put entertainment on whatever it is that people want
24:30
entertaining with. I can't stand entertainment in
24:32
pubs personally because it gets in the way of me talking too
24:35
much, but there we go. Our pub has a pub quiz every
24:38
other Monday. I'm hosting the next one.
24:40
I'm the stand in host on Monday and they have bingo.
24:45
Obviously it's a not a young, young demographic, but I think
24:48
that oh, but. Bongos Bingo.
24:50
Have you heard of Bongos Bingo? We walked past they, they did
24:54
they, I think it's like a touring thing, so they do it
24:56
around the country, but it's like a, a trendy bingo thing
24:59
where there's a lot of cheering and whooping and you know, all
25:03
that kind of stuff. And we walked part.
25:04
They have it in Epic Studios in Norwich and we walked past there
25:07
at the weekend and there was a queue outside and there were
25:09
mostly women and there were at least 4 hen parties in the queue
25:12
and I was like I bet there's a bongos bingo on this evening.
25:15
And I looked on their website and yes, I was correct.
25:17
There was a bongos I haven't heard.
25:18
Yeah. Bingos, not just for the oldies.
25:20
Ohh, but I was thinking because Saturday night in Bedford, the
25:24
the, the Rose, the Rose tool clothes, which they pay to go
25:27
into, which is a pub. And then they go over the road
25:29
to Aston's, the nightclub. They, they are full of young
25:33
people because you know, they can finally drink and they're
25:35
out and stuff. But I wonder how busy they are
25:38
on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday, probably
25:41
all right on a Friday. So they need to take so much
25:44
money on that Saturday and I think.
25:46
There's a lot of pubs who? Aren't aiming for young people,
25:50
more aiming at my generation. But we don't go to the pub every
25:53
day. You know, historically people,
25:56
particularly men, went to the pub every night.
25:59
You know, they'd have their dinner and then they'd walk down
26:02
the pub and go and see their mate every single night of the
26:06
week. We do actually have a pub like
26:07
that in the village. I do call it the Old Man's Pub
26:10
because they love an old man full of old men and they go, but
26:15
I don't want to go there either. And actually there's not that
26:18
many, you know, there's not that many men in the village like
26:20
going there. So there's a lot of those kind
26:23
of pubs. Like people aren't going to the
26:25
pub every single night, are they?
26:27
Like they used to. It's not just young people like
26:29
older people used to go to the pub every night.
26:32
Yeah, a lot of local. Pubs.
26:33
Close, you know, they're not open every day.
26:36
They're only open, you know, and saves them, saves them the
26:38
money. Can you quite often walk past
26:39
them and there's like literally one or two people sat in there
26:41
if they are open. So yeah, I see that.
26:44
But what you gonna do? I mean, what you gonna do?
26:46
That's There you go. We've solved that.
26:48
Well, we haven't really. It's really true.
26:50
I do think when I look at, as I said before, like the
26:53
Mediterranean model of families, it's worth saying that younger
26:57
people drinking age is younger. You're allowed to drink with
27:01
your family in moderation. Yeah.
27:04
Yeah. And people have, you know, a
27:06
drink at lunchtime, then maybe go back out in the afternoon,
27:08
like in the evening. I mean, and there's families and
27:11
yes, some people are having coffees.
27:12
Some people aren't, you know, like, and they're eating or not
27:15
eating. You know, it's just so it's much
27:17
more of a community thing. Whereas I feel like, well, I
27:20
don't know what's happening now. We're all just.
27:22
Staying in watching Netflix, you get like, you know, the things
27:25
like bath necks and stuff like that.
27:26
I mean, I really remember when I was in Venice going into a bar
27:29
that was obviously like a post work kind of bar and you know,
27:32
they were literally putting pasta out in front of you.
27:34
Like communal pasta feels a bit weird to me.
27:37
But you know, there were, there was, there was, there were
27:38
actual. But I do remember, I mean, my
27:40
mum and dad have been in the pub trade for years and my mum used
27:43
to on Sunday we'd put roast potatoes on the bar.
27:46
You know, they give people little little snacks and things.
27:49
So and I think that that's more of a like that Mediterranean
27:52
kind of family culture. You know, there's snacks, couple
27:55
of drinks, a little bit of chat and then you go home like you
27:58
don't have to be there or my just getting drunk.
28:01
And I think maybe that that's the atmosphere in some pubs
28:04
suggests that it's not that kind of like communal having a nice
28:08
drink and a chat culture. It's more like you have to be
28:11
drinking and get drunk. It's not a nice place to be.
28:15
So the onus is on pubs to if they don't want to close to find
28:20
the thing that's going to get people in.
28:22
Obviously there's also a massive kind of cost of living cultural
28:25
issue, which is probably someone way more important than me these
28:28
problems to solve like the government.
28:31
But also I do think younger people are finding different
28:33
ways to socialize that doesn't involve alcohol.
28:37
I think they probably so many of them would listen to our tales
28:40
of going out and what we got up to and, and, and just be like
28:43
what? Whereas we, I think look at them
28:45
a bit like your plan. You know, you've got a five year
28:47
plan and you're 20, got what? And you're going on a Saturday
28:51
night. What are you doing?
28:54
But you're right, the times they are a changing or in fact, they
28:58
have changed. And I feel like I agree with
29:01
you. The, the onus needs to be on
29:02
them to change or, you know, and, and that could be as
29:06
literally as putting on a music quiz.
29:09
We've got a venue that does a music quiz once a month, you
29:12
know, and everybody goes to it. So it's like, well, what else
29:15
could you do? But I also recognize there's a
29:18
lot of talk, particularly with grassroots venues.
29:21
I hear it a lot. Obviously I do go to music
29:23
venues, that's where we go when we go out to be fair.
29:27
But it's all they, the message is like use it or lose it.
29:30
But it's like I can't afford to go to a gig Thursday, Friday and
29:33
Saturday because obviously everything's gone up in price.
29:35
Even if I only drink water, literally it's still like I
29:38
can't, I'm having to choose which one I go to.
29:41
Whereas when I was younger you may be, you may have gone to the
29:45
mall because they would have only cost a couple of quid.
29:46
So I think it's a, you know, if you put on too much choice, you
29:50
might dilute. You might be better off closing,
29:53
as you just said, closing and opening on your busy nights than
29:57
putting on lots and lots of things.
29:58
And then you're diluting because I can't go to all the things.
30:01
I've got to choose my one thing that I go to.
30:03
Do you know what to mean? Like if there's a quiz and then
30:06
a bingo and then a this night and a that night, like can I can
30:09
only thought about once? It's a more considered approach
30:13
to socializing. Maybe you know, where you're not
30:15
just like just going, oh, I'm just going to go out all the
30:17
time. You know, you're you're picking
30:19
and it's again, it's that going back to it's an experience.
30:21
You're going to you're going to pick an experience and you're
30:24
going to focus on that rather than, you know, everything being
30:27
available to you all the time. I've just got.
30:31
No, I've just thought one thing though, before we end is, and
30:34
this is a bit like the the exes going back to raves, but gigs
30:38
that end at 10:00. You know, it's it's that kind of
30:42
thing, which is obviously our whole like it's Friday and I'm
30:45
in bed is this whole, you know, want to go out but want to be in
30:47
bed by 10. Actually, when a gig ends early
30:50
and I can be back and in bed, you know, by half 11 because
30:55
I've still got to get home and you know, that's great.
30:57
But when these things are ending at 11, half, 11, you know, again
31:00
it just if all the people spending all the money, our
31:04
generation, which by all accounts a lot of it is,
31:06
particularly with music venues, ending early is not a bad move.
31:10
And then all the staff can go home anyway.
31:11
Then you stop paying. Stuff, yeah, I feel like maybe I
31:14
feel like we need to do that as a topic in the future.
31:17
The the afternoon raves and the reclaiming.
31:20
Yeah, Annie Mac, the DJ, the Radio One DJ started.
31:23
She was the first one to bring out like a music, like a rave
31:26
night, not rave as such like a club night in the dark.
31:29
So you when you went in there and it started at like 6:00 and
31:32
you wouldn't know it wasn't 11:00 at.
31:34
Night never had windows. Anyway, you could have been
31:36
there at any time exactly, but it ended at 10 and now because
31:40
obviously she was so high profile, more and more, you
31:42
know, people are doing that and that's, that's great, isn't it?
31:45
It's just I can't be ready that early either because I've got to
31:47
cook the tea and you know, it's. Got a window?
31:51
You've got a window half. 810 o'clock, please stop.
32:01
OK, so we're going to move from young people to older people
32:05
now. We're going to, we're going to
32:06
do both ends of the spectrum today and how they're cracking
32:09
on and living their lives. So, so the kind of thing that
32:11
prompted this idea that I wanted to talk about this in my head
32:15
was a story about a woman in Canada, as it happens, called
32:18
Text Notes, Pat Dunn. And she started an organization
32:22
called Senior Women Living Together, which was, it started
32:25
as a Facebook group. So basically she was, she was
32:28
married and divorced and then married again.
32:30
And in 2014, her husband died suddenly.
32:34
They were living on, they were living on a boat, I think.
32:37
And when he died suddenly, she lost access to his pension and
32:43
everything, I believe as well. So all of the kind of financial
32:45
scaffolding that had been holding up her retirement years
32:48
just collapsed around her. She sold the boat that they were
32:51
living in, and she realized that she basically didn't have enough
32:55
money to support herself. And when she was like Kevin T,
33:00
she was sitting there Googling how to live safely in your car,
33:02
which isn't exactly how you want to be living out your senior
33:05
years, is it? So in 2019, she set up a
33:09
Facebook group hoping to find some like minded women who might
33:14
share a house with her because there was a lack of affordable
33:17
housing for her. And by the end of the first
33:19
week, 50 women had joined and by the end of the first month, 200.
33:23
So there were obviously a lot of women out there in the same
33:27
position finding themselves without the structures that they
33:31
thought they were going to have in their in their retirement
33:35
years and looking for an alternative.
33:37
So it's a bit like it's a bit Golden Girls, hot Golden Girls
33:41
parts kind of survival strategy because obviously women are
33:45
disadvantaged in a lot of these things, which I will go into.
33:48
But I don't necessarily want to talk about the the structures
33:55
and then the housing crisis and the lack of money and stuff.
33:58
I kind of want to talk about the relationships and female
34:01
friendship and how we look at what our older years are going
34:06
to be like. The first thing is obviously
34:09
even in the UK, women quite often have gaps in their
34:12
National Insurance record. They earn less on average than
34:15
men. They take time out to have
34:17
children, so their careers might not be as like high up.
34:21
So by the time they do get to their retirement years, women in
34:24
general may not be as well as as their husbands.
34:27
So that can be a precarious position for for some women to
34:32
be in. So there is that.
34:34
But also one of my big considerations was thinking
34:38
about the the pressure we put on those traditional structures
34:42
that relationship, Like we're going to get married and have
34:45
children and then we're going to the children will look after us
34:49
in our older age and sort of like, yeah, like that's
34:53
guaranteed. And that's what it's going to be
34:55
and why we feel like that romantic relationship at the
34:57
center, the husband wife thing has to be the main support
35:01
structure with children that we have.
35:03
Like in our later years. Why don't we look at those kind
35:08
of our friendships? There's there's many kinds of
35:10
love and relationships in our lives that we can to when we
35:16
need it. And I think that it benefits
35:19
women particularly because we do generally live longer than the
35:22
men in our lives as well to to think about that early on.
35:26
And sometimes it feels a little bit maybe morbid to be sitting
35:28
around with your your mates over a cocktail and discussing
35:32
whether you're going to move into move in together when
35:34
you're 70, who's going to look after you if you get dementia.
35:37
But maybe it is something we should be discussing.
35:40
And a friend of mine who was down this weekend, she was also
35:44
married, no children. We were discussing whether we
35:47
would write each other into our wills and our kind of death in
35:51
service benefits. Not that I have that because I'm
35:53
self-employed, but you know, that kind of thing.
35:55
And whether there was a place that we can share that amongst
35:58
us because we've been friends, you know, since we were 11.
36:01
It's not like it's not like we're going to split up.
36:04
Maybe friendship groups do change.
36:06
But I think it's just a really interesting thought to start
36:09
looking at what we assume our lives are going to be like.
36:13
I mean, do you have plans? Like we talk about these five
36:17
year plans a minute ago, don't we?
36:18
I mean, have you assumed what your life is going to be like
36:23
once you retire? Well, interestingly, when we
36:25
turned 50, we did start talking about it so, but I don't think
36:31
we've agreed on what it is. So I have a.
36:33
Vision and my husband has a vision and they're not
36:35
necessarily the same. They are the same vision, but
36:37
not quite. I'm self-employed so there's
36:40
more flexibility. He's employed so there is less
36:43
flexibility, which means, you know, I could go part.
36:46
Well, I don't even need to go part time.
36:48
I could do run my business from anywhere in the world and go no
36:51
travelling and start winding down or whereas he would have to
36:54
go part time and there are no part time positions.
36:56
So it's a little bit trickier. What I think's really
36:59
interesting when you were talking, I was thinking, you
37:02
know, when we all think of retirement from when we're
37:06
young, when we don't really think of retirement, but you
37:08
have this kind of vision, probably based around what your
37:10
grandparents did. You know, to me in your vision
37:12
when you're 20 is like, oh, your grandparents obviously retired
37:15
at some point. And I don't know, my my Nan
37:18
baked and he walked up the road and watched Ipswich football
37:21
team. You know, that's my only memory
37:23
of what they did. They did more than that, I'm
37:25
sure. But you know, you kind of had
37:26
these kind of ideas and then you start working and eventually you
37:29
do start thinking about pension maybe and you start thinking
37:32
about retirement. Always linked in your mind with
37:36
a companion, stroke husband, stroke partner.
37:40
And now obviously it is because we've been brought up in a world
37:44
where that is the path you are 100% expected to follow.
37:50
Definitely Gen. X, you know, even millennials, I
37:53
think, you know, that is the path.
37:54
I think younger people are challenging that, but we are.
37:58
That is the kind of path we were supposed to follow.
38:01
So you said, what do you want to do in retirement?
38:03
Of course I'm thinking about me and my husband, but I would have
38:07
thought I would have said that 20 years ago before I'd even met
38:11
him. Because you're presuming might
38:13
be with someone if you just assume.
38:15
You're going to have that relationship.
38:16
You know what I mean? And then there's the whole
38:18
conversation about your children looking after you is the other
38:23
preconception. I think that we have, I don't
38:26
know who's necessarily we, but society and actually probably we
38:30
all generally have because people say it to, to people that
38:33
don't have children, which I'm sure you've heard who's going to
38:35
look after you. So again, the presumption is
38:39
somewhere along the line that don't worry if you get sick
38:42
because if you have a child, they will look after you, which
38:46
again is like, well, A, will they well, A, do you have a
38:49
child? B, will they want to look after
38:52
you? Because not everybody has great
38:53
relationship and also they have their own life, but also how are
38:56
they supposed to afford to look after you?
38:59
Because if they're struggling to get on the housing like might.
39:01
Not have a house. Like then they might not have
39:03
any room. Like how are they actually
39:04
helping you, the men, they might come and bathe you, but they
39:08
can't financially help. Do you know what I mean?
39:10
So there's. So.
39:12
Many pre consumption preconceived ideas within this
39:15
traditional structure of retirement and let alone who's
39:20
going to pay the bills or how you're going to pay for any of
39:23
it. Do you know what I mean?
39:24
It's so tied up with how we brought.
39:27
Up I had some stats I have. I have some stats about that
39:30
which I've obviously put in about four different places on
39:33
my notes because why would I not have a little stats box?
39:35
So I can tell you that 3.64 million UK over 60 fives live on
39:41
their own and nearly 70% of those are women.
39:44
So 3.65 million, did you say? 64 million, yeah, over 65 live
39:50
alone and 70% of those are women living alone.
39:53
OK I can tell you that what over 1,000,000 UK over 60 fives have
39:59
never been parents. Which is predicted to double to
40:03
2,000,000 by 2030. And also that 92% of unpaid care
40:07
in the UK is provided by family, primarily partners and adult
40:10
children. So obviously when you start
40:12
looking at those stats, this is something that's not going to
40:16
not going to be sustainable for very long.
40:20
Quite often, I think. So we talked about the male
40:22
loneliness epidemic before as well, which is quite often
40:26
framed as women being responsible, like because men
40:30
can't find a woman who's going to bury them and live out their
40:34
lives with them. But it's not just that, is it?
40:37
Women tend to have stronger social support structures.
40:40
Women have more friends and they're quite often even the
40:43
glue in a romantic, you know, traditional nuclear family kind
40:47
of relationship. They are often the social glue
40:50
and the social organizers of things.
40:53
So that kind of male loneliness epidemic could be more to do
40:56
with friendship groups than it is to do with not being able to
41:01
find a wife to to to cook their dinner.
41:06
What's the thing from our? Perspective from female
41:08
perspective, you know, maybe we're quite well placed to find
41:12
other people to live our lives with us at those female
41:15
friendships. I mean, I don't know about you,
41:16
but I've, I've certainly got a small group of friends that I've
41:19
been friends with, you know, since prime, since the end of
41:23
primary school, because I moved around that time, but definitely
41:25
since like the start of secondary school and even
41:28
friends that I've made kind of later on in my life that I, that
41:31
I know I could rely on if everything went to, to hell.
41:36
I don't know, See, I don't have a huge group.
41:39
I mean, I'd like to live on my own.
41:40
I'm not in The Golden Girls group, you know, like I don't
41:44
want to live with four other women.
41:46
I'm more than happy to be on my own as long as obviously I could
41:49
financially, you know, afford that.
41:52
What I find interesting is the amount of women I speak to on a
41:55
daily basis. Obviously through the work I do
41:57
on Instagram and stuff around positive aging is when women
42:01
find themselves newly single in their 50s.
42:04
Obviously the divorce rate is at its highest sort of at 50 for
42:08
women. So many of them I don't actually
42:10
have a stat but are saying actually I don't want to go back
42:14
to the traditional structure. Actually I want to be on my own.
42:19
So I think that's probably adding to the amount of women
42:22
that are then on their own at retirement age because they're
42:25
going do you know what? You know, it's the whole.
42:28
Crazy cat lady at, you know, ridiculous things and they don't
42:32
leave those relationships and think, oh, I need to find
42:34
another man. Where they're lying.
42:36
Where is where? Is a man maybe more likely to
42:39
leave and then be looking for a female companion?
42:40
So I think that's probably part of it.
42:42
But even when you were talking about, you know, a friend
42:44
structure, you were saying about your conversation with your
42:46
friend, how about your sister, for example, living with your
42:50
sister at 75? So I wonder where the stereotype
42:54
has that just come from the patriarchy men, you know, going
42:59
you're the crazy old spinster cat lady when actually the crazy
43:02
old cat spinster let you know all of those in adverted commas
43:06
is like happy as Larry living with her sister, growing her veg
43:11
with her book club, just having to life how she was.
43:14
My my instinct tells me that that's exactly what it is if we
43:18
just look at the I feel like I'm saying a lot of men are more
43:23
likely to there are stats to back this up in a lot of places
43:27
don't have them all here. I'll find them later.
43:29
I'm terrible at statistics. But that thing of men, it's not
43:33
in the patriarchies advantage to encourage women to think that
43:38
they can live out their later years on their own with their
43:41
cats and their books. Because the the, the the men
43:46
traditionally are a lot keener on on having female
43:49
companionship in their later years rather than living alone
43:51
with their cats and their books. Those negative stereotypes come
43:54
out. I mean, you've only got to look
43:55
at like the old things of like witches.
43:57
They're always old ladies living alone, aren't they?
43:59
And like helping the local community by providing health
44:02
care and advice. Like evil.
44:04
It also makes me think of communes as well because again,
44:08
I don't know much about commune living community, you know, like
44:12
a communist communal because again, the stereotype is, you
44:16
know, they're all like work shy hippies, which they are not
44:20
because they are all working for the community and helping each
44:24
other out. And there are so many benefits
44:27
of not just being you and your partner or you on your own, but
44:32
being, you know, with a community where you can help
44:34
each other. And, you know, I'll grow the
44:36
vegetables and you bake the bread.
44:38
You know, it's and it sounds idealistic, but it's idyllic.
44:42
Idyllic. Didn't speak.
44:44
Sounds like both idyllic to me. You know, it's actually sounds
44:47
quite nice. And is it?
44:49
Is this women in their 70s going?
44:51
Actually, it takes a village, you know, and let's all bring
44:56
the village and, and work together and help each other out
44:59
and have contentment. See, one of the things, the
45:02
interesting thing about that idea of communal living is that
45:06
that would not necessarily be gendered and that would be I
45:09
mean that would be a a great thing where everybody brings
45:12
their strengths to the to the situation.
45:17
Yeah, I think that that's fantastic and it's maybe maybe a
45:19
little bit different, but maybe that's like a literal cultural
45:24
thing. So women are the ones in this
45:27
instance that we're talking about here.
45:28
And there are a few kind of similar UK examples.
45:31
Our, our social support network is stronger than in like the US
45:36
and Canada. So it's not quite the same, but
45:38
of women setting up these things.
45:40
And maybe it's because they have that more like communal frame of
45:43
mind of helping each other out. And I, I mean, I think it'd be
45:46
fantastic. I'd be totally there for.
45:48
I don't know actually. Maybe we have.
45:50
This. And then I went, oh, no, because
45:52
I might have to talk to my neighbors.
45:53
Then I'm like, but actually when you do, it's nice.
45:56
And maybe that is the thing that that society has given us is
46:00
that kind of isolationist idea that, you know, we want to be on
46:03
our own. So it's not even living on your
46:06
own as such. If I think of the road we live
46:08
in, I mean, yeah, we might say hello or nod to our neighbors,
46:10
but it's it's all very like, this is our house, this is our
46:14
boundary. That's my fence.
46:15
No, that's not your fence. That's my fence.
46:18
Very much so, isn't it? And you know, we are here, this
46:21
is our and obviously it is ours. We own it, it is our space.
46:25
But we all behave like that, don't we?
46:27
So we don't actually just reach out and help and support and we
46:32
definitely don't utilize people's skills or strengths,
46:36
you know that, you know, which is a shame.
46:39
How do we break that or do we break that?
46:41
Can it have we like? With the conversation with my
46:46
friend at the weekend is like, so like, but one in five over
46:50
50s in the UK don't have children.
46:52
OK, So that's that is that is a lot of people.
46:55
So if we are talking about that traditional structure where
46:57
we're supposed to grow old and then our children are supposed
46:59
to look after us and then we and then we die.
47:01
You know, we grow old with our spouse, our children look after
47:04
us and then and then we die. There's there's one in five over
47:07
50s that that's not going to that's not going to happen for
47:09
that. That's not possible and
47:11
obviously we are. There is an ageing population
47:15
with improving healthcare and there is the, the social support
47:19
structure in the UK, whilst it's better than in a lot of places,
47:22
is not, not, not what's the word?
47:27
It's not infallible. You know, You know what I'm
47:29
trying to say, You know, it's going to be a problem if we're
47:32
all getting older. There's not going to be enough
47:33
money to look after us if our kids aren't going to do it.
47:36
So why don't we start talking earlier about what we will do as
47:41
we get older, especially if we have friends who are in it like
47:44
like this, in a similar situation, you know, naming each
47:47
other in wills, sharing different birth, death in
47:49
service benefits, like living together later in life.
47:54
They're they're kind of practical planning that we that
47:56
we don't do. We, we might think about our
47:59
pension, maybe, but we don't necessarily think about what
48:02
could be our options for living, for living arrangements as we
48:06
get older, especially if we don't fit that kind of straight
48:10
narrative of, of having a nuclear family that's that's
48:13
going to look after us. And these things can change in a
48:16
heartbeat as well. You know, widowed, estranged
48:19
from your children, divorced. All those things can change that
48:22
kind of traditional structure that you thought you were going
48:24
to have at any point. So it feels like a conversation
48:27
maybe we should be having earlier.
48:29
And I've always loved that concept of our chosen families
48:33
as well, finding those people that we do have a connection
48:38
with. And yeah, that our chosen
48:39
family, it doesn't. It doesn't have to be blood.
48:41
I have started asking people or, or sort of we are starting to
48:45
have those conversations around what does retirement look like?
48:48
You know, obviously at that age now, and it's funny because some
48:51
people really don't want to talk about it, but I think it's
48:54
something that we all need to talk about because again, I know
48:58
retirement age, you know, from a pension from the government
49:00
perspective keeps changing and you know, and nothing's
49:04
guaranteed. I get all of that.
49:07
But I think one of the things I mean, even with in the menopause
49:12
world I've been talking about with people is, you know, once
49:16
you're through menopause and you've dealt with all of that
49:19
and there's there's this kind of it's to say reawakening.
49:22
It's not quite like reinvention. It's like, OK, so what's next
49:26
for me? And that's exciting.
49:29
But if we're not cares, like that's done at 50, but what are
49:32
we going to do at 65 or 67 or whenever it is like, what is the
49:36
plan? And I've started to be quite
49:38
fascinated to hear, have anybody started to think about, you
49:41
know, and it might just be I'm going to work until I can't and
49:46
then I'll probably Potter about in the garden.
49:48
What, what does that look like? Just just to get a feel of what
49:51
people want to do. But it's a tricky 1, isn't it?
49:55
Because people don't like talking about things either
49:57
either. No.
49:58
And but I think that's one of the things is people don't like
50:00
thinking about those kind of worst case scenarios as well and
50:04
like planning for death and disability and those kind of
50:08
things. I think it's funny, you know,
50:10
we're planning our pensions and things we're planning how we're
50:13
going to live years in advance, you know, make sure we've got
50:15
enough money. And this is the average life
50:17
expectancy. And therefore I need this much
50:18
money in my pension to live to this long.
50:21
But you're not thinking about the investment in your health
50:25
and your social care. Like who am I going to be living
50:29
and dying alongside in my old age?
50:32
Like if one of us goes first, if you're, if you're married, if
50:37
one of us goes first, what's the other one going to do after
50:39
that? And I mean, it could be even if
50:41
you're in that kind of traditional relationship, it
50:43
could be very reassuring to know that your your partner has
50:48
thought about that and has somewhere to go if you suddenly
50:51
pop your clogs. I know, but people don't like
50:54
talking where? Does that come from pop your
50:56
clogs? I don't know.
50:57
It's a bit of a funny 1. I don't have any actually.
50:59
I do have some clogs. I haven't either.
51:01
I do have I broke my foot on my clogs.
51:04
That's another story. I wasn't drunk.
51:07
I was on the school run. Worth saying.
51:09
Yeah, but people don't like talking about it and I and I get
51:12
why. And people might now be
51:13
listening to this going Oh my God, this is what the process.
51:15
But I think urging us all to think about what do we want to
51:19
do #1 like, how do you want to spend the rest of your life?
51:24
Because you know, when you're young, you're told, you know,
51:27
what's your career? What's you know, you have your
51:29
career advisor and what you're going to do with your life, you
51:31
know, and I'm going to work in this industry.
51:33
And, and you might think, yeah, I might have some kids, might
51:36
not. But then nobody's like, what are
51:38
you going to do when you stop working?
51:40
How are you going to stop working?
51:42
You know? So it's kind of like have that
51:43
plan. And I always think without try
51:45
and make the plan without thinking about money.
51:48
Obviously you've got to think about money because you can't do
51:50
the plan without the money. But in a way, what do you want
51:52
to do? And then once you've sussed that
51:55
one out, OK, So what happens, you know, when I am that much
51:58
older, when I can't maybe do the things I want to do, What does
52:02
that look like without relying on your children?
52:05
Because I mean, I can't. Children or your spouse who?
52:08
Or your spouse who may not be there like you might not be
52:10
there? Or does your wider support
52:12
network look like? Yes, and support network isn't
52:15
just who am I going to spend my days with?
52:17
It might be who's, you know, who, who am I going to cook with
52:19
or who am I going to go on holiday with?
52:21
Who am I going to go to the seaside with?
52:23
Who am I, you know, just, you know, having that.
52:26
It amazes me that people say to people that don't have children,
52:29
who's going to look after you in your old age.
52:31
It feels like every time I hear it, it's like, is that the
52:35
reason to have kids is do people have children just so they can
52:39
look after you when you're 9? They've got an unpaid carer.
52:42
An unpaid carer because I might be.
52:44
It might be cheaper to save all the money me it costs to have a
52:48
child and put it in a pot and an investment to pay for a carer.
52:52
For a really good nursing home, yeah.
52:54
Might it might be more cost effective if that's the only
52:58
reason. I can't believe.
52:59
Do people actually think that is the reason to have children?
53:02
Apparently so. Either that or they're just
53:04
running out of rude questions to ask people who don't have
53:07
children. Maybe, but it just seems like
53:10
the weirdest as a as a parent, I've have never once thought
53:15
about them looking after me, even when I'm old, because it's
53:18
like, no, I'll still be looking after you.
53:19
I can imagine being, I mean, hopefully, God willing, you
53:22
know, I'll be 85, still worrying about and helping and, you know,
53:28
my kids, not the other way around.
53:29
I feel like, you know, but who knows?
53:32
Yeah. So one thing.
53:34
Everyone should do this week. Find a friend, find a friend.
53:38
Think about your list of people that you you might want to go
53:42
and live with if you get if you get older and you're on your own
53:45
and think about your golden. Think about your golden girl.
53:48
Scenario. Work out how many dogs or cats
53:50
you're going to have. Because I'll have dogs.
53:53
Well, see, this is the issue. My particular friend that I was
53:56
talking about this with isn't isn't is not necessarily a dog
53:58
fan. You can't live with her.
54:01
No, I know. I'm surprised we're even
54:03
friends. I mean, it's like dogs come
54:05
first. And thank you for joining us for
54:07
another roundup of midlife chat, hot takes and occasional
54:10
moaning. Well, quite a bit of moaning.
54:12
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