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Friend Turned Frenemy? & Ojos Locos Tests Boundaries · Therapy Thursday with Ellen K

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, so are you saying women in their underwear that
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: you used to date?
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Thank you?
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, some of them still work there because this is
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: a little bit Differentia, I was kind of trying to
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: Oh wow, Therapy Thursday, our podcast.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: I'm Ellen k I'm Ryan Mano, and I'm.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Sarah Dash and we are three friends getting together. Sarah,
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: you're licensed to therapists. You are an expert. You have
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: seen and heard so many things.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: I've heard a lot.
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: And Ryan and I, I mean, we.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Do the radio show and this is a fan favorite feature,
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: so now we've turned it into a podcast.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: We are not professionals, no, not at all.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: But Ryan, you, by living just your life, have exposed
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: me to lots of situations Ellen, where I feel like
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: I could be a professional.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: She knows some things she probably wished she didn't.
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: There's a situations come up. I mean, you know, it's life.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: It is life.
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: It's life. And Ryan leads a very interesting, colorful, fun life.
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: Thank you, Thanks of love.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Yes, all right, guys, okay, so are we ready? We
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: have got Anita on the line. Anita, welcome to Therapy Thursday.
• 1:19
  Speaker 5: Hi, thanks for having me.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, of course you're here with our licensed therapist Sarah Dash.
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: I'm Ellen. There's Ryan.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Hi. Hey, Anita, Hi.
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: So we want to know what's going on.
• 1:32
  Speaker 5: Well, I'll just start basically, I actually just lost like
• 1:37
  Speaker 5: thirty pounds and I'm feeling really good and confident about myself,
• 1:40
  Speaker 5: like I've been super happy. I'm even dating this great
• 1:43
  Speaker 5: guy and we actually met in a hiking club, so
• 1:46
  Speaker 5: you know, everything's really good.
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: You know, yeah, that sounds fantastic.
• 1:50
  Speaker 5: Congratulations, thanks, Except the issue I'm having is my best
• 1:56
  Speaker 5: friend Linda. She posted a reel of all of our, like,
• 1:59
  Speaker 5: you know, funny activities together, but she only used pictures
• 2:02
  Speaker 5: of me before the weight loss, and you know, honestly,
• 2:06
  Speaker 5: I'm a little hurt in the set and I don't
• 2:08
  Speaker 5: really know how to move forward with this situation. It
• 2:11
  Speaker 5: feels like she's become my friend of me, now.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, wow, Well, Anita, some relationships they kind of thrive
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: on asymmetry. People will have different roles when it's in
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: a friend graap. You'll see the pretty one, the smart one,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: the one who's always having problems with a relationship. And
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: you may have moved out of your assigned role as
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: far as Linda's concerned.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: Whoa Okay, Ryan, you're the pretty one.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, I.
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  Speaker 5: Mean I understand what you're saying. I still just feel
• 2:46
  Speaker 5: really confused though, because I'm trying to figure out do
• 2:48
  Speaker 5: I just ride above me feelings and ignore what feels
• 2:51
  Speaker 5: like a blatant jab or you know, do I just
• 2:54
  Speaker 5: come forward and tell Linda that I feel like she
• 2:56
  Speaker 5: just kind of attacks me. I feel like I've feel
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: a lot better if I called her, But I also
• 3:03
  Speaker 5: I'm not sure if I feel worse. So you know,
• 3:05
  Speaker 5: here I am. I can just use the help.
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: What I've learned from Sarah dash Anita En Ryan and Sarah.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: This is what I have learned is that it's not
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: necessarily what life throws at you, it's one hundred percent
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: how you respond. Right, So you've come to the right place,
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: because Sarah, I'm sure that you have a lot of
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: experience in this particular field.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Sure it happens a lot.
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: And so what does she do?
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Well, you have a couple of choices. I want to
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: be sure that you want to be in a relationship
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: where you're not celebrated, because that is part of having
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: a friendship. They grow with us, they celebrate us, and
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like that's happening if you do choose
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: to have a conversation with her, I mean whenever. I
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: don't really like the word confront in this situation, you
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: want to have a conversation, I would focus on the
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: impact rather than assigning intent to whatever you think she
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: may or may not have done.
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: So how she because I just like I want to lurch.
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  Speaker 3: I just want to like, what the hell are you doing?
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  Speaker 3: And why did you use my heavy photos? I've transformed
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  Speaker 3: my life, I'm happy, and you just took me back
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  Speaker 3: to to a place where I didn't want to be right.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, Anita, what are your thoughts onto you know,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: as to why she made that decision?
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  Speaker 5: I mean thinks that maybe she wasn't even like thinking
• 4:26
  Speaker 5: about it, like you know, she just saw a bunch
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  Speaker 5: of fun like old photos and reels and decided to
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  Speaker 5: just put it up there.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, but the.
• 4:35
  Speaker 5: Other half of me does have a feeling that maybe
• 4:38
  Speaker 5: she is how do I touch this like not uncomfortable
• 4:42
  Speaker 5: or jealous, but just a little put off by how
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: good I look.
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  Speaker 1: Now.
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  Speaker 5: I'm so sorry that came across the shallow, but it
• 4:48
  Speaker 5: is the truth. She was always the you know, the
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  Speaker 5: prettier one, you know, between the friend groups. But it
• 4:53
  Speaker 5: kind of feels like since I've elevated myself that you know,
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: we're drifting apart a little.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, I I recently had something like this happened. So
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I just celebrated a birthday and our friend Eddie Yes
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: shared a real a video like from two years ago
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: that he took with me and Ellen in the studio.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: This is and I'm gonna be completely honest about everything here.
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  Speaker 2: I got on GLP ones. I've lost thirty six pounds
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  Speaker 2: since then. I feel different, I look different. I have
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: entirely new clothes. Eddie posted a video from old Ryan,
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: and I was like looking at it, going, oh, I
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: do not like this. But his heart was in the
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: right place.
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  Speaker 4: Are you sure?
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: Okay, it was Okay.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I did think to myself, God, we have so many
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: better pictures.
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: I know, it's not like you guys never hang out.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: We hang out all the time.
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: It's got a deep well to im harvest front.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: I know. So it did cross my mind, but I thought,
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: don't look at me like, okay, No, But I thought,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: you know what, he's a very he. I know his heart.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: So I'm gonna just repost it and kind of be
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: like let go, Ryan, like that was part of your baggage,
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: was part of your life.
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: Right, what do you what do you?
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: What are you doubting?
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  Speaker 3: I always think that everyone has an underlying motivation, right,
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: always in all things, and the way you do one things,
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: the way you do everything. That's just that's just what
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: I believe. So maybe there is some jealousy. I mean, Ryan,
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: it's you know that possible, Sabrina Carpenter, when did you
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: get hot?
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: All right, so we're guys like guys it guys.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: It doesn't matter, Anita. Do you think it matters if
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: your guys are girls?
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: I don't.
• 6:33
  Speaker 5: I don't think it matters at all. I think men
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: just kind of internalize it a little more than women.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know if men internalize it more. I think that, Okay.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: I do believe that we have a lot of motivations.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: The question is whether it's conscious or unconscious. I mean,
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: if it's if it's a sort of like you know,
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: plausible deniability aggression, then that's that that there's intent to that.
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: Okay, that's that's strategy.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Whether it could just be an era, maybe a lack
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: of awareness. So they're two like wildly different interpretations.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: Well, for both Anita and for you, Ryan, I think
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: that this is jealousy.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: No, no, and I'm going to tell you why. Okay,
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: because as I'm listening to you say this, I can
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  Speaker 2: think I know exactly why he chose what he chose
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  Speaker 2: to post of me. Okay. He was in our studio,
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  Speaker 2: his very first visit here, which gives there's an element
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: of like, you know, cashe being in the studio, and
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: he's excited, loves Ellen, he thinks the world of Ellen.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: And guess who's in that video with that video with them?
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, so.
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  Speaker 2: There's that's it. He could have just chosen a picture
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  Speaker 2: of me and him at a bar at a Chargers game.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: But he wanted at our studio, really warm feelings for
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: this place and for us, right yeah, okay, so we'll
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: take the jealousy off there.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
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  Speaker 4: But for Anita, yes, what do you think?
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  Speaker 3: I think it's one thousand percent a jealous girl, because
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  Speaker 3: that's what girls do.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, it could have brought up a type of
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  Speaker 1: narcissistic and she could be feeling inadequate. There could be
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: comparison anxiety. I mean that that is a very real thing.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: And Anita, I mean some relationships they do have a ceiling.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: And is this a relational ceiling?
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: Whoa will you just reach your limits?
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: That's very true.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: The relationship grows as far as it's going to grow,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: and then you decide whether to step back or maintain
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: a more superficial alliance.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: It's crazy, Anita, when you're with her and it's just
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: the two of you, does she talk poorly about other people?
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Oh? Good question, thank you.
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: I mean not like I mean traditional you know, girl
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  Speaker 5: got it, but nothing like over the top or concerning.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you don't sense that she is an inherently
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: jealous petty person.
• 8:46
  Speaker 5: If she's inherently jealous or petty, then she's genuinely doing
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: it behind my back. She's never really presented that side
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: to me.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, another question, sorry, and if you don't want to answer,
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  Speaker 2: that's fine. But with all of the the self improvement,
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: the weight loss, does she have a big enough crop
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: of photos to find good photos?
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: I mean mean, you know, yeah, we've been friends for years,
• 9:13
  Speaker 5: and you know we've been friends since the weight loss too.
• 9:15
  Speaker 5: So again, I'm just very confused as to why she
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: would look at those.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Photos, So she does have pictures that you are recent good.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I say, confront in person and tell her
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: how hurt you are, and that clears the air, and
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  Speaker 3: then maybe you don't have a friendship ceiling.
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: Maybe your friendship.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: Can reach all new heights, you know, if you just
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  Speaker 3: bust through that jealousy wall.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: And again focus on how you feel. Should you decide
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: to have that conversation, focus on how you feel. Don't
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: call her out say are you jealous for this? Just
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: share with her your feelings since shell and see how
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: she responds, and that w'll give you a lot of information.
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: Okay, I you know, I think I really do need
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: to take a jump here and deal with this now.
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, I'm feeling like you do.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: Why are women like this?
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: Why are women like this?
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: What what I feel like? You don't think this is
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: a a okay? Did I just walk into did I
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: walk into a mess? I sense that this is more
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: of a female thing. I don't think men like our
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: producer Mike or our other producer Wacko. If I were
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: celebrating them, right, I would not say, let me find
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: the crappiest photos of these guys that I could post
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: to make myself feel better.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I think it's fair to say that women tend to
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: be more comparison oriented when it comes to other women. Well, why,
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: it's a good question. I think there's I think there's
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: a lot of primal I think we're wired. I think
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: women tend to be very competitive for male attention, whether
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: we like it or not. It's an old you know, holdover.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: See, and I do have a girlfriend who's an enticer.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: She just wants to entice that word entice. She's an enticer.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: She wants to entice every man around her to want her.
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: She doesn't care, she's not looking for people to cheat
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: or to you know, she doesn't want them physically.
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: She just wants them to want her.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: So it's like a craving for admiration.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know, she looks like a wasp. She
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: has a wasp body. So she's got a tiny waist
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: in a big old booty.
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: I've never heard of anyone, No, I'm serious. And she
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: is like a wasp.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: And she goes around with her big old booty and
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: her tiny waist, and she's got big boobs, and she
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: wants every man to notice her but want her just
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: so that she can suck all the attention out of
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: the room from away from any other girl that's there.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: She sounds like a very vulnerable person. I mean, that's
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: what I hear. I mean, I get that it's not
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: a likable trait, but underneath that, I think is some
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: pretty deep insecurity and that makes me sad because when
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: we're in that headspace, we can't neck to other people
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: much less are close friend so true Sarah.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, Well, Anita, do you feel do you
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: feel armed and ready for what the future holds with
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: your best friend?
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like I have the right tools now
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: to kind of move forward with this. So I'm feeling
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: confident and you know, I really need to get to
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: the bottom of this. It's just going to eat me alive.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Comparison with Sarah, the comparison anxiety, Okay, she may
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: be feeling. I was like, because I've said it, so
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: I've used the word comparison like eight different which.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Fu Well, Anita, hang in there, Thanks for reaching.
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: Out and let us know, all right, thanks for having me.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Hey, and congrats on the weight loss, by the Yeah, congratulations,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: a huge accomplishment, super smoking.
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: We've got more. We're gonna hear from Roberto.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: Oh I've seen this letter.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: Roberto likes to party okay with scantily clad women. Ah,
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: and we've got Roberto on the line.
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: Roberto.
• 13:00
  Speaker 6: Hello, Hey, how's it going.
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: We're all good? I mean I'm good.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: What about you?
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: I feel great?
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Me too? What's going on?
• 13:10
  Speaker 6: You sound good?
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Thanks?
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: Thanks for verte.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: What's up?
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: So you're on therapy Thursday? You wanted to come on
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: here because you have a question.
• 13:23
  Speaker 6: Yeah, my fiance doesn't want me to go to o
• 13:25
  Speaker 6: host Locos anymore now that we're engaged.
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: Ohs Locos. Okay, I know about Ohos Locos.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, tell me abouts is.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: Think Hooters, but with less clothing and a lot more SaaS.
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: Okay, okay.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: So these are women servers that they serve food and drinks. Okay,
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: but they're not wearing a lot of clothes, and they
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: present themselves in a very available way.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: All right, that's the word available. It's almost like a Hooters.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: You go, oh, this is fun. She's playing a role there.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh, I probably could go she I think
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: she wants to take me home.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Got it?
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So so your fiance doesn't want you to go there?
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: And how long have you been going to OOS Locos.
• 14:10
  Speaker 6: I mean I've been going for a long time. I
• 14:12
  Speaker 6: mean I go with my buddies, you know, and it's
• 14:14
  Speaker 6: it's it's harmless. She also wants me to see my
• 14:17
  Speaker 6: friends less who are single, which is.
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: Like, what, okay, well why why I'm that?
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: What's the what's the I get the OOS Locos thing,
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: but why the friends?
• 14:28
  Speaker 6: I think she she says that she wants me to just,
• 14:31
  Speaker 6: you know, when I'm out with my single friend. She
• 14:32
  Speaker 6: she doesn't trust what we're doing, is what she said,
• 14:35
  Speaker 6: even though you know, I've never done nothing. It's all
• 14:36
  Speaker 6: it's all good fun. Okay, we just watched sports, really, because.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Those are two different conversations. One she's concerned about a
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: specific place that you're going to. The other is the
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: people that you're hanging out with.
• 14:51
  Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, and well sometimes I'm hanging out with those
• 14:55
  Speaker 6: people at That's what.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: I say here.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: I think that you're with your single friends, ohos Locos,
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: and you're about to not be single, and your fiance
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: doesn't like it.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: If I'm your fiance, what's her name, by the way, Kimber.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: Okay, if I'm Kimber, I don't like it either, Just Roberto,
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: I don't want you going looking at other women.
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: Can't you go to another sports bar?
• 15:17
  Speaker 6: I mean we could, but we you know, they know
• 15:19
  Speaker 6: it's there, so it's like they it's very welcome me.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: So it's your I hear, this is your ritual, and
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: this is something that's bonding for you, and you look
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: forward to this and you have really pleasant associations. And
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not just talking about the you know, the the
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: naked ish women that you have really happy memories of
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: being with your friends there.
• 15:40
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean I've been going here since before we
• 15:42
  Speaker 6: even started dating.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I get that that's significant. I understand her
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: discomfort with it, but I also think that male bonding
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: is very important.
• 15:53
  Speaker 6: Agreed.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Have you tried the nostalgia twist with Kimber? But it's
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: the way I, you know, it's the way my buddies
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: and I bond like that.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:03
  Speaker 6: She says like she doesn't understand why I want to
• 16:05
  Speaker 6: be and she calls it an establishment.
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: It sounds like a very formal.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm familiar with os locus.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: I've never been in the flesh, but I do understand
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: that it's uh that the girls can be quite forward
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: at times, and that also the food is very good.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: So there, it's kind of like a pushed me pully
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: a situation here, Roberta.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Did she just begin having a problem with this place
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: after the two of you became engaged or has she
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: always been uncomfortable with it?
• 16:36
  Speaker 6: I mean she never said anything before. It's pretty much
• 16:39
  Speaker 6: was like we're engaged and she was like, so you're
• 16:41
  Speaker 6: not going to be doing that anymore?
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 16:42
  Speaker 6: And I was like, wait, what got it?
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: Okay that was your answer, Sarah, Yeah, okay, I'm gonna
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: ask you a question. Do you notice her uh, you know,
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: kind of interjecting in new ways in other areas.
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: Like is she in good? Question?
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: Does she not like certain clothes you wear? Like what
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: are you picking up on maybe some more controlling behaviors
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: or is it just this.
• 17:02
  Speaker 6: Well, I mean I never thought of it like controlling,
• 17:04
  Speaker 6: but she does.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:05
  Speaker 6: She'll be like I'll wake up and like my clothes
• 17:07
  Speaker 6: are laid out.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: She dresses you too, okay? And this started after you no.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: And I get it as a guy.
• 17:16
  Speaker 6: It started about a few days after we got engaged.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Ryan has a girlfriend who dresses him too, So
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: this is true.
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, some guys like it. Do you like it? Roberto?
• 17:26
  Speaker 6: I mean that I don't mind now because it's like
• 17:28
  Speaker 6: makes the morning a lot easier. You know, she.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: Started like budgeting and putting you on a diet, Like
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: is she, like Ryan said, is she diving into other areas?
• 17:39
  Speaker 6: I mean, not a diet or anything. She just says, like,
• 17:42
  Speaker 6: you know, like this, she doesn't want me eating the
• 17:44
  Speaker 6: food there. But I don't think it has to do
• 17:46
  Speaker 6: with the food. But yeah, she I mean, she didn't
• 17:50
  Speaker 6: mention she wants to start playing in the wedding and stuff,
• 17:52
  Speaker 6: and we have to start combining our finances and stuff.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, what I'm thinking is that you have a concern
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: about protecting your all autonomy, which is very fair. She
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: has a concern about protecting your relationship, and both are
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: very valid. I mean when you mentioned you know that
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: she calls it an establishment. The sense from that that
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: I get is it's a little bit of like moralizing
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: going on, which is what we do when we don't
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: want to stay in our vulnerability.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: What do you mean by that?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Meaning that I say, this is out, this is outrageous,
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: this is wrong, this is misogynistic. Rather than saying, you know,
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: I feel really insecure. I feel vulnerable. I worry that
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: you look at these women, you come home to me
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: and you compare me to them, and I don't measure up.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, Yep. It happens a lot of things.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: And when it doesn't matter if it's this any other situation,
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: if we found ourselves getting into that moralizing position, we
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: need to think about what's really underneath that.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: So, So, Roberto, do you do you? Can you live
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: without o host locos? I mean, do you have to
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: look at these women? Can you go to a different
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: sports bar just to make her comfortable? Because you know,
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: when you're in a marriage, you got to compromise on
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: a lot of stuff.
• 19:08
  Speaker 6: Well, I mean the thing that I mean maybe, but
• 19:11
  Speaker 6: the thing is that she doesn't want me even hanging
• 19:13
  Speaker 6: out with the guys who I usually go there with.
• 19:15
  Speaker 6: So somewhere else, she wouldn't want me hanging out with
• 19:18
  Speaker 6: those guys.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: What's the concern?
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: Yes, have you cheated on her?
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: What what are these guys into? Like what there's something
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: there's something stuck there for us? I think in this room, No,
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 19:28
  Speaker 6: She she just mentioned that we should be hanging out
• 19:30
  Speaker 6: with other couples, is what she said.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, but are some of your friends kind of fast
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: and furious with women?
• 19:38
  Speaker 6: I mean what does that mean?
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: Well, meaning, do your friends your single friends, do they
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: get around, like, do they have a lot of conquests?
• 19:50
  Speaker 6: Yeah, they're out there, they're dating, they're they're seeing seeing folks, yeah.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Which is appropriate for single men.
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yes. And do they date any of the girls
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: at O host Locos?
• 20:01
  Speaker 6: I mean they have yeah? Sure?
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: And have you ever even in your single days?
• 20:07
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean but not just there. You know, you
• 20:11
  Speaker 6: go out, you have a good time, all right.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, So are you saying women in their underwear that
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: you used to date you?
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, some of them still work there.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: Because this is a little bit different. I was kind
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: of trying to.
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: Wow, okay, so they know you intimately.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Changed my mind. This is an establishment we're talking about.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: An establishment is the right word for this.
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: Plus how many just give us a.
• 20:39
  Speaker 6: Numb How many women I was with before that work.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: There that you see naked?
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: Do?
• 20:47
  Speaker 6: This is what?
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: Guys? What do you mean?
• 20:49
  Speaker 6: Let me see how many you mean the ones that
• 20:51
  Speaker 6: still work.
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: There or like yes, roverto.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: Bro as the question, how many people are you seeing
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: on a regular basis that have seen you naked.
• 21:06
  Speaker 6: I think there's I think there's only two.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: That's just okay, Okay, that's a number game, all right,
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: that's a number.
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: All right. So where we go from here, Sarah, you're
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: the expert.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, Look for Kimber, I go back to go ahead, Well, I.
• 21:20
  Speaker 6: Was gonna say. My thing is that you know that
• 21:21
  Speaker 6: was back in the day. It's it's like you were saying,
• 21:24
  Speaker 6: like going somewhere looking at women and then coming home
• 21:27
  Speaker 6: to her and compare them. But my point is I
• 21:30
  Speaker 6: come home to her.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, I get that, I do.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I think for Kimber, her task is going to be
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: staying her vulnerability. Roberto. You need to be present with
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: her vulnerability and not become dismissive, minimized, or defensive. That's
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: how the two of you are going to work through this.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: And every cheater I've ever met has always said, but
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: I always come home to her.
• 21:58
  Speaker 6: Yeah, but I I that it's never happened in our Relationshipah,
• 22:01
  Speaker 6: And I hear.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I hear that, Okay, that you're not cheating, You're not
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: looking to cheat, You're just negotiating this new period in
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: your relationship.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: Are you ready to get married?
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm ready to get married, but you know, I
• 22:16
  Speaker 6: just don't like being told who I can hang out with,
• 22:18
  Speaker 6: you know, like I get like girls like, but like
• 22:21
  Speaker 6: I can't see my single guy friends.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: That Nobody likes to be told what to do. Nobody
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: likes to be told who they can and can't see.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: And I think that that's very fair, And this is
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: something that the two of you are going to have
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: to negotiate.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: Do you think it would help maybe minimize some of
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: her concern if you're like if you didn't just always
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: go there, if you said like hey, we're gonna go
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: to you know yeah, or like all of garden or
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: like we're gonna go to a botanical garden, or like
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: maybe that's probably too much. No, I don't think that.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: But like like if you went to like a.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: Clippers game or something where.
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: Like else with the with the boys, there was just not.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: There was not that heaviness kind of pre baked in there.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:58
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean we used to go to Hooters every
• 23:00
  Speaker 6: now and then. We could probably do that like a
• 23:02
  Speaker 6: King's game or.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: You know, something like, well and what about this? What
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: about bringing her along one time so she can see
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: that there's nothing, you know, bad going on.
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: I mean, look, nothing bad is going on, but like
• 23:20
  Speaker 6: that that changes the whole dynamic.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, okay, what have you and her? You and
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: her went to ost Locos just to the two of them,
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: the two.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, with with the women that he slept with
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: hanging out in there.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Hey, you know, if he's willing, she probably doesn't know
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: who they are specifically.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: And he's not going to point him out.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: And you are.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: Actually okay, yeah, that might actually be like really good
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: for your relationship.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: It's possible, Sarah.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Is there one as a therapist? Is there one reason
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: why we are in secure? Or does it come from
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: many different places?
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: It comes from many different places. I think we all
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: have vulnerabilities, and that's part of a relationship is having
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: a partner that's sensitive, that prioritizes our vulnerabilities and it
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: does need to matter to you, and she needs to
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: feel like it matters.
• 24:17
  Speaker 6: Okay, Roberto, Yeah, I mean I think we can make
• 24:24
  Speaker 6: that album. Okay, I mean I can at least suggest it.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Well, listen, thank you for being open to that, and
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: thank you for being really really honest. You didn't have
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: to answer truthfully about there being women there that you'd
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: sing and I really appreciate that.
• 24:39
  Speaker 6: Yeah, thank you, thank you for all your help.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: Appreciate That's the whole point of the podcast is. We
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: just want you to to leave here feeling like you've
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: got some tools.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, feeling better.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: One final question, when are you going back?
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, Ryan Ran, would you like to meet?
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Because you just say, hold on, I'm serious. I'm asking
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: this for a good reason. You just thanked our l
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: m F t Our Professional Licensed Therapist for kind of
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: giving you some some runway here on how to handle
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: like when are you When do you plan to go back?
• 25:11
  Speaker 6: I mean we go every week, so I mean i'll
• 25:14
  Speaker 6: see when when she wants to come. Uh, you know,
• 25:17
  Speaker 6: I'll see when she when she's available for that. But yeah,
• 25:20
  Speaker 6: we usually go whenever there's a good game on.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, you're the best game on.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: Thank you for Yeah, like Sarah said, thanks for opening
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: up to us and thank you for coming on.
• 25:32
  Speaker 6: I appreciate it.
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: We're going to follow up with you. We got your number.