Latest / The Rochelle Christiane Podcast / 158. Embracing Your Single Season with Lindsey Simcik

Transcript

158. Embracing Your Single Season with Lindsey Simcik · The Rochelle Christiane Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the emotional mastery podcast.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, rochelle.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I'm a holistic, human design health coach, and this podcast is here to support you in your journey to understanding and regulating your emotions, to help you remember who you are, to ground into your knowing and to support you in all things spiritual, emotional and health mind, body and soul.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I bring some amazing guests to share their story with you, and my goal is to have conversations that are supportive of wherever you find yourself in your journey.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: I thank you so much for being here.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: This podcast started as a space to just share my voice and over the years, it has become so much more.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being here and thank you for your support.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Now enjoy the show.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of the emotional mastery podcast.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: This week, I'm talking to Lindsay Simpsik, one half of almost 30, all about the single period of our lives.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Embracing that single period, I have been single for.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I always want to say close to seven years, but I think it's been six years.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: It was November 2017, which I believe would either.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, six years my math so it feels a lot longer than that.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: So I've been, yeah, I've been single for six years, and the amount of things that I have learned about myself, the depth of myself that I have encountered and I've learned through not just being single, because I think that we can be single and we can be doing the work and all the things but it's really in relationships that we are really shown our triggers.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: We are shown the work that we still have yet to do, we are shown the places that we are still wounded, that we are still hurt, and often when you're not doing the work, when you're maybe in a little unconscious about it and not as self aware, it's easy to them project those things on others.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Like you know, I in human design, if you're familiar and if not, just completely skip over what I'm about to say but my wide split, so the thing that does not allow my energy to fully run, like in a single, like consistent flow, is 59, six and this channel, if you're familiar.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: It connects the sacral to the emotional solar plexus and it's all about intimacy.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: And so when you have a wide split like that, when you have a whole channel that needs to bridge your energy, your energetic flow, you tend to be a little bit more victim in that space, as opposed to maybe just having one gate, where then you're going to be, sort of, when you have a single gate, it's more of that like you complete me vibe, whereas like a wide split is more of the victim projection vibe.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: And so for me it's this 50, nine six and it's all about intimacy.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: And it's interesting because when I look back at all relationships, I feel like that is definitely the thing, like you're not giving me this, you're not giving me that, like what's wrong with me.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Of course there's a lot of shame in there, and so it's really been this coming to meet myself, and it was challenging at first.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: So for two years I nothing.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I didn't date anybody, I didn't have sex with anybody.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I was not looking for a relationship.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I was like I was honestly terrified to repeat the pattern that I had been repeating for years.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Terrified, I just didn't, I didn't want to part of it.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: So I was like I would rather be single than have to find myself in another toxic abuse of relationship, like I just wasn't going to do it.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: So I started going to therapy.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I was joining, you know, intuition groups, I had found human design, all the things, and I went to a very dear friends wedding and I was sitting there and I was looking around at all the couples and I felt this deep sadness and loneliness and I sort of knew then that when I got back into town I wanted to maybe sign up for some apps, because you know, as a single mom I work a lot and then my kids and I have my business, and maybe it's all excuses, but it's just easier to find that way.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: So I got on there, I made a manifestation list.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I was doing the TBM work I've been doing it for years, but I was doing the to be magnetic work at that time and so I had signed up on the app Again.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I had created a manifestation list of my perfect partner and I had talked to a few people and the very first person I wanted to date with I took home that night, which I don't normally do, but you know it had been years and I was excited and he was very attractive.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: We connected, like all the things, and then began this like three year cycle codependent, fearful, avoidant, anxious, dismissive, like this whole cycle.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: That was just I don't want to say horrible, because it was actually even though I wouldn't consider it a relationship, I mean it was a relationship of sorts, it was a situation.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: It was more of a sexual based relationship.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: I felt very deeply for this person and I still have a very soft spot for them in my heart and the amount of healing I did because of the triggers that were brought up, because of my inability to be myself, because of this space that was created.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: This person wasn't willing to show up multiple days a week.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: For me, this person wasn't willing to even show up like weekly.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: So it was very few and far between when we did meet.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: There were periods of time where there was like a few months where we'd see each other every week.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Then there would be like times, it was like once, and it was very, this very chaotic energy within my system.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I was so dysregulated, I was so emotional.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I just could not like function in this relationship.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: It was all of my patterns being brought up.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: It was all the rejection, the fear of rejection.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: I constantly felt like I was performing for them, like every time we would spend time together I was just trying to show them I was worthy, I was trying to like be seen and it just caused this inner like chaos where I just could not settle into my body.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I truly feel like even now there were times where I was highly emotional.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: I cried all the time.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, like all the time.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: I think that they perceived me as this intensely sensitive and emotional being and I am those things.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: But I am so much more than that and I feel like I didn't actually allow them to see who I was and it was really, really painful, very painful, when you feel that way for someone and I feel like I sort of trauma bonded in that situation because it was the first person after this toxic relationship that was, it wasn't like the healthiest of situations, but this individual wasn't trying to manipulate me.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: They weren't trying to control me.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Of course, their patterns was more dismissive, but I feel like we actually never really got to know each other.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: We were just sort of maybe just you know everybody like bouncing off of our trauma on each other.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: But again, I learned so much about myself.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I learned so much about what I wanted and the funny thing was when I looked back at my manifestation list, this person literally, if there were 10 things on that list, this person hit nine of them.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: But what I realized was I wasn't specific enough because I had all these things that I wanted, but this relationship showed me all the things I didn't want.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Right, it's all about contrast, law of attraction.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Abraham Hicks always talks about contrast.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Instead of just being like, oh, what was me?
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: And the victim and all these things, it's like, well, okay, that might feel like shit, that might not be what I'm looking for, but now I have contrast.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Now I have I know what I don't want, so that I can call in more of what I do want.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I feel like, so that I finally finally released that.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, I did so many ceremonies, just internally, of just cutting cords and being like I release you, I have to let you go, I release you.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Every time I would get a meditation about it.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I felt like they had more lessons to learn than I did at the end.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Specifically, at the end I really felt like my lessons were done and I could fully move on.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: But it's so hard, it was so hard, it was just.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: It literally broke my heart.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: But again, like I'm so appreciative for that because I learned so much about myself.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: I got to meet myself in a new way.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I got to become more authentic because I saw how I felt being so inauthentic and there were moments, of course, when there was a lot of authenticity and intimacy and things like that, but it was very few and far between, because I again, I always just felt like it took so long for me to settle into my system and it required a lot of alcohol on my part, and so I was still struggling a little bit off and on.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I was dating here and there and I just there were so many times where I would just leave dates and I'm like, would be crying because they just weren't that person, and you know, it was a whole thing.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: And I did meet some really incredible people along the way.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I learned, I met more tests, more lessons, and I found that after that, specifically, that relationship helped me find my worth and so after that, as I was navigating dating after that, I was able to be like, huh, this doesn't feel good, consistently doesn't feel good.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: This is not for me, because I think a lot of times when you come from trauma, when you come from, you know, abusive, manipulative, toxic, unhealthy relationships, there was a lot of mental games.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of fucking with your mind, to be honest, where it makes you gaslighting right, it makes you feel like you're crazy, and so a lot of times I would bypass my own internal knowing, my own internal GPS because of those mind games that have been played for so long where it was like, okay, I feel this way, but it must just be me, like it's, there must be something wrong with me.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: It was never really looking at the other person and being like, well, do I actually like them, do I feel safe with them, do I feel good with them?
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Are they actually entertaining me?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: It was so much of like, well, what do they think of me and do they want to see me?
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: And do they want to see me again, instead of like actually asking myself like if I wanted to show up and what that was about.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: And so I feel like, the more I dated after that one situation, the more I was given these little nuggets of pieces that I realized that I enjoyed or that I wanted, and I can see everybody that I've dated since.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: These just little pieces of like okay, this is what I want, this is what I want.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: And I dated somebody last year for a couple months and it was so easy.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: It was so easy, the whole relationship was so easy, and that was the first time that I had experienced ease like that with a man Because, like I said, I was always like, felt like I was on performance or just trying to get them to like me and like dog paddling and the chaos and and in all the emotional games and whatever that situation or that relationship, that dating, it didn't work out and that's fine, and did very like peacefully, but I was able to see that, okay, that's possible, right, it showed my subconscious that it was possible to be in a relationship with somebody and it'd be easy and not be chaotic.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: And the thing that I noticed is that I often because I'm so used to chaos in relationships, if I don't feel that, I actually question if I'm attracted to the person, because I'm like, if you don't constantly have me feeling on edge which is not normal, right, it's not normal.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: But if I don't like feel that, then I question if I'm attracted to somebody.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: It's a really.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: And then and then I get in my head where I'm like, okay, well, it's just, is this just me or myself sabotaging?
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: And then sometimes I'll like pick at little things but like, well, I don't like this and I don't like that.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: And it's so easy to get caught up in that and self sabotage and be like, oh well, I like I don't even know an example, they take too long to text back or whatever, just something and then be like Nope, I'm done, but instead like actually feeling into my body what does my body feel about this person?
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Was my body feel about this situation and so I?
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: That was that one where I felt like a lot of ease in that relationship, that I was still entertaining, let's say, the situation.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Even up until that point we were.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I knew that there was nothing ever going to come out of it, but I think I still was seeking that excitement, and so there was a few times that I invited him over and whatever, but the last time that that so it was about August, september of last year, and I just remember I think I think we had slept together and then I just I went out drinking and just got like so mad.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I was like why do you still talk to me?
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Like I don't understand it, and I just like went off and it was about that time where I was just like so in my emotions and I was like Rachel, something has to change, like I cannot keep repeating the cycle, like I know this is going nowhere.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I see what I'm doing, I see my patterns, I see it all.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: I've learned so much about myself and my worth and now I'm able to witness how much ease I can have in a relationship with somebody, even if it's just like a dating relationship.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: It wasn't anything serious, but I could see the ease and the playfulness and the fun and like just like that right that that even though it was easy, it was exciting because it was like new, it was like whatever, right.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: And so that's when I decided to quit drinking.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I was like something has to change.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I need to really witness and experience myself without alcohol, without numbing or avoiding or any of those things.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Right, and it's so easy to go on a date, have a few drinks and then have sex with somebody.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: And that wasn't the path that I wanted to be on.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I wanted to actually experience what it was like, and the one that I was like dated for like two months I think.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: I think we didn't even have sex until like almost like two months.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: It was a while and that was interesting too.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: But so when I quit drinking, I really didn't date, for I would say I think I went on a date around the holidays, around Christmas time.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: It was interesting, it was fine, I wasn't like as anxious, but but I think what not drinking dating allows me to do is actually allows me to witness what my body feels and not be overridden by alcohol.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: And so I yeah, I've been on like a handful of dates since then and what's really interesting and I'm not, I'll say it and then I'll backtrack but Venus retrograde is a thing.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Venus has been in retrograde since July 22.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: It's in Leo, which is in my first house, but I have Aquarius in my seventh house, and so it's like touching on all of how I witness myself.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Right, it's the self, it's the ego, it's it's you know, the first house.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: Is you?
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: Right, it's you, it's your physical body, it's all the things.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: And so being in Leo, very dramatic and whatever.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: And when I look back at like Venus retrogrades in the past.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: So 2015 was the year that I got pregnant with my son, and then 2008, I believe, was the one before that I if it was 2008, I got married.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: I can't remember if it was 2007 or 2008, but either way I got married.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: So they're big like relationship things that were happening during the last Venus retrogrades and so I don't think I had gone on a date or dated anybody, maybe since like March, yeah, like March or or April maybe, and I can't remember when I got back on the apps and then I don't know, maybe like June, whatever, but but yeah, I went on like a few dates and I don't know.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: I might have more, I have more, might have more details a little bit later, but yeah, I just found somebody that is feels so like safe and easy and I didn't also notice a lot of those things coming up where it's like am I even excited if it's so easy, if it's so safe?
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: But there's like I feel like there is chemistry and a lot of areas.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: So it's just sort of interesting, like with Venus and everything in retrograde, and I'm like witnessing this happening and I'm witnessing the shift in myself, because there were two people and one was easy and one excited me right and I could tell it was like the sort of excitement that was nervous system activating, right.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: That wasn't going to be healthy and I could see myself easily going down that path because our subconscious likes to do things that knows what's going to happen right.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I could see the arguments that would be unfolding, I could see the ego, the possession, all of those things and it would have so have been so easy for me to go with that, because I know what that type of relationship is like.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: I know what that type of relationship feels like yes, it's exciting and all the things, and then there's the fighting, and but it's also not what I want to.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I don't want to repeat that pattern.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I could feel it in my system, I could feel my body responding, and that person may be an absolutely amazing human being, but instead of like self sabotaging, I chose to get to know the very kind and easy individual and I have noticed like a few times my own system like me activating myself, because it's like I want to create that drama, a little bit like because that's what I'm used to, because I'm like, oh my gosh, well, if I don't feel chaotic, like is there anything?
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Like does this person actually like me?
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: And I think when I decided to just like see one person, then I did notice myself getting a little bit in my head of like are they going to text me?
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Or like why have they taken so long to text me or did they change their mind?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: That comes up a lot Like because I feel like I'm more being authentic and true to myself now that when I am honest and I am open, then there is that moment where I'm like oh shit, they're not gonna like me after this.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Oh shit, they're gonna leave, they're gonna reject me, they're it's still like early right and it's like I in and in the past, usually, when I allow myself, I say that, when I allow myself to accept that I have feelings for somebody, I could easily jump all in and she's like Okay, this is it, let's do this.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing that now.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I, I'm not doing that now, and also that in itself makes me feel a little like dog paddling, but I'm like witnessing all these things happening and I'm doing TBM work in the meantime and I've just done so much work on myself and it's like every single time I feel like I'm getting closer to my manifestation, I'm getting closer to what I'm actually looking for.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: And so that idea of like Well, if this doesn't work out, I'm just gonna be single forever, right?
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Because I think that's like a very big fear of like.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: When we're dating, we find somebody that like has most of the list, most of the things that we want, but then it doesn't really work out and then we're like oh my gosh.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: But if I don't like just stick with this, if I don't like see this through, then I'm gonna be single forever, right, and I think we just like bounce like so easily from that.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: But it's also this thing where it's like no, I know, because I'm getting closer and I'm just getting more and more of like what I actually desire and I can see my, my growth within all of it.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: And this is turning into a long intro to the time and but yeah, so anyway, this conversation like really really dives into that space and like getting to know yourself and getting to meet yourself, and I think I just wanted to share a little bit of that, because it is Venus retrograde and it is just so, like I always say, with these podcast episodes, like timing is so divine and synchronistic.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Like I recorded this, gosh, when did we record this?
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: I think we recorded this in like April or March, so it was a while ago that we recorded this episode and it's just like the timing turned out to be when it comes out now and it's just beautiful timing because a lot of these things that we're talking about like I'm actually witnessing in real life and Venus being in retrograde and like all of the things, and so I'm really, really excited to share this.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: If you don't know who Lindsay is Lindsay Simsek, I'm sure you do.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: But if you don't, go, check out almost 30, check out her Instagram, check out the sacredness of being single.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: All of the information is down below.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited to have had this conversation with her and I'm so excited to share this with you because I think, whether you are single now or you're in partnership, you know these things are these cycles, are things that we all go through, and I think that we can.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: You know, we can learn to meet ourselves even in in relationship right, we can feel lonely in relationship.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: We can learn how to navigate those core pieces even when we're in relationship with somebody else.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: So this conversation was just absolutely beautiful and I am just so excited and so honored to, and so grateful to, have had Lindsay on the podcast again.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: She was on with Krista, I believe in 2021, maybe something like that.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: I will link that episode or 22.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I think it was at the end of 2021.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: But, either way, I will link that episode down the show notes and I hope that you enjoy the episode.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: You can find me on Instagram at Rochellechristian.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: That's R-O-C-H-E-L-L-E, c-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n-e website is workshopchristiancom.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Holdestake Human Design Academy starts for the second round tomorrow, september 1st.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: So if you are interested, if you have not signed up, if you're on the fence, reach out to me, dm me, send me an email and let's chat about it.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: And until then, enjoy the episode and I will catch you next week.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Well, welcome back to the emotional mastery podcast.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Today I have Lindsay Simpsons from Almost 30.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: We're here to talk about being single and how that prepares you for, you know, a conscious, aware, like real not that other relationships aren't real, but, in that sense, awareness relationships.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: And so I'm just going to give you the floor to introduce yourself to anybody who may not know who you are, and then we'll get into it.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks for having me.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: I'm so excited to be here.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: I love your show.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, I'm Lindsay Simpsons, I am one half of the Almost 30 podcast, my cohost and I and best friend Krista Williams.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: We started the show back in our late 20s during our saddened return when, you know, for most people it really feels like shit is hitting the fan, like, you know, you don't know which way is up, and it's like that life freak out.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Where, like, what am I doing with my life?
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: You know, why am I with this person?
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Or where is my person?
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: Or what should I be doing career wise, where should I be living?
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: You know just kind of having the misalignments become super magnified and it's intense.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: And so we met during that time and found a lot of yeah, we found a lot of comfort in each other's experience and talking about it and supporting one another, and so we just brought it to the airwaves and started a community, knowing that we couldn't be the only ones going through this.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: And so, seven years later, almost 30 is a global community.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: It's a podcast, it's a membership, it's, you know, something we're really, really proud to keep pouring into.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: We're currently writing our book finally and yeah, it's been such a blessing.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: And then for me individually, I'm here on the East Coast in Brooklyn with my husband and I am, yeah, I'm in the midst of a lot of, yeah, really beautiful change and I'm thinking about kind of what I'm creating next, and that's always a really exciting period of time for me to tend to, and it's mostly done in private.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: Eventually it will be shared, but it's just a really yeah, it's something I take very seriously, and tending to it in the everyday has been like kind of a part of my job, if you will.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, that's me.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: And how do you?
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: How do you create and not share?
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: Because I feel like for me so often I get so excited about it that it's like you know yeah, and you know what?
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: I think everyone has a different experience with their expression and creations and you know, I had to.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: I had to get really honest with myself about what that felt like for me and what felt most aligned.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: And in the world in which we live in now, with social media, I perceive that people who are creating are sharing right away.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: They're making so much stuff and then they're sharing, and then they're making another thing and they're sharing, and some people do that.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: I feel like Christ is one of those people.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: You are one of those people and I just did not feel good when I was doing that and what I was missing was the, for me, the honoring of the creative process.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Not to say that you're not honoring the creative process.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: You're honoring your creative process, but my creative process requires me to go inward, requires me to be with what's being created and unfolding in a very private way, so there are no eyes and ears on it.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: It's kind of an energy management thing for me and I just really love the process.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: You know like, yes, I love the finished product and it's cool, but the process is the part that I remember and the process is the part that I learned so much about myself and so I really enjoy creating in private and not sharing for a bit.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: And with this particular creation this year, it's going to take a while.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: That's a test.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: That's a test for me to be patient and to plan out accordingly and to run some trials I'm sure there will be errors and just be with it and not run away when it gets a little frustrating or hard or I feel stuck.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: That's something I'm excited about moving through and eventually sharing.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: But if I don't create that relationship with the thing for a longer period of time, I don't feel as connected to the end product.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: That makes sense.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: It's a beautiful process.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes I'm envious of that, because it's like you are coming so much into yourself so you're creating truly for you, without any outside voices.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: And I think sometimes, when you're sharing constantly, you do get that feedback where it's like you have that moment where you have to come back and really be strong in yourself to move forward with the product or with whatever the creative the end result is, because it's so easy sometimes to get taken away with that.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: So, there's beauty in both processes, but yeah, for sure, totally.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: And I learn a lot from people like you who probably produce at a quicker pace.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: Where it comes to you, you create it and you share it.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: I learn a lot because there are times when I do feel stuck and there are times when I do kind of mull over little details of a creation because I'm kind of like focusing on the perfection of it when that's not really the point.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: So I do try to find balance.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that Virgo perfection, right yeah you know it, you know it.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Well, it's so beautiful.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: I mean like to have you in front of me too is so cool, because I remember like when I was pregnant with my son, who will be seven this year, I was listening to you guys like on my like first trimester was the worst period of my entire life, but I remember like being at work I was a photographer at the time and I would just like be at work in my little like cube with my headphones on, listening to you guys and just like experiencing like all of my pregnancy things.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: So it's so cool to just like have you here now in front of me.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: You know, when Krista was on as well, it's very, very cool.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: So I've been single.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: So my son was one when I got divorced with his father, so it was just about six years and it's just been such a.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: It's been such a beautiful process and it's not always been easy, right.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: I think we have moments where we're lonely, frustrated, and we have that like desperation energy.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: You know where we want the thing and we want to call it in, and so I would love to know just like your story with that, and then I guess, like how you move through those specific points, if that's something that you find you know, as as you've worked with people, and the sacredness of being single right, and then the progression that we all sort of go through.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know it's a great question and you know, I, I was single for about seven years, starting at age 25, 26.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: It's a little fuzzy, you know, when you break up with the last one and it like kind of dwindles and you're like when did we actually end?
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: So you know if, if God would have been like hey, so you're going to be single for seven years, I would have been like I'm out, I'm totally out, what do you mean?
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: It was.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: It was a very interesting period of time.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: So I was with someone who I thought it was going to marry.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: You know, I thought that this was it.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: He was my person, he was my college sweetheart.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: And after college, you know, I moved to New York.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: I was pursuing my acting career.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: I had like three different side jobs.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: I was working in the bars.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: I was like I was just doing all these different things, exhausted, trying to make auditions.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: During the day, I was drinking a lot, I wasn't taking care of my body, I was really struggling to pay rent and bills and so didn't make for, you know, the best partner and the best presence and focus.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: And then he was in business school, not too far away but far enough to where it would be.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: You know, hard and kind of like a long distance relationship.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: But even before that, I really felt like we were growing in different directions and I didn't have the tools to communicate how I was feeling.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I was afraid to communicate how I was feeling.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: To be honest, I think it scared me and it scared me how he would take it.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: It scared me how our families would take it, and so, instead of being mature and having a conversation, I ended up cheating on him and he found out and it was just, it blew up, it totally blew up and I went into after it ended.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: I went into just like a really dark place.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: You know, I just remember being so, so sad, so ashamed, so I was just like drowning in guilt.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: I was just kind of disgusted by the person or the actions that I had engaged in.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I was like who is she, you know?
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: And that really overtook me for a while, you know, probably about six months, and I was drinking a lot, just trying to numb out the pain.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: And then, you know, I kind of did the whole like dating a ton of people in order to then also numb the fact that I don't have someone anymore and I'm so used to having someone, and that didn't work out.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: I was kind of chasing after the wrong thing, because I didn't really feel that good about myself.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: So what I was chasing was kind of affirming that and then fast forward, I get an opportunity to move to LA.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: I at the time was working at SoulCycle.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: They moved me to LA and it just felt like I was getting the opportunity to take a really deep breath, a breath that I hadn't taken in a long, long time.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: So I said yes immediately and three months later I was living in LA and while it didn't necessarily get easier, I was able to hear myself again.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: I was able to like look myself in the mirror.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: I was able to understand a little bit better the purpose of my past relationship and also why I had cheated and what part of me was really needing the tending and the healing.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: So this period eventually became like the most important season of my life thus far, because I actually started to, instead of dating a ton of people and sleeping around and all that stuff, I was really dating myself and I was really enjoying like being with me for the first time in a very long time.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: And that's when everything changed.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: You know, I, instead of feeling shame about parts of me, I really took time to get to know those parts, whether it was through therapy, journaling I did some medicine ceremonies during that time that just kind of like landed in my lap and it was like the perfect timing and obviously, with my like conversations with Krista and the people that we would meet on the podcast, because we eventually started the podcast and yeah, I just I really understood.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: I was like, wow, okay, like I am tasked, you know, whether it's by God, by the divine like to be in right relationship with myself before I meet the person that I'm meant to be with, whether for a long time or my whole life.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: And it had to take that long.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: You know, I will repeat, I wouldn't have signed up for seven years, but it had to take that long.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: And in the sacred as it being single, which is a program that I created in the wake of just this incredible, transformative time, I really want to support women and meet them in this season, whether they just broke up with someone, maybe they've been single their entire lives, maybe they've been single for a long period of time, maybe they're frustrated that they can't find their person.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: You know there's so many different flavors of being in this season, and none of them are wrong or bad, but this is a program and community that will support you in very nuanced ways to navigate this time, to come back to yourself and to never leave yourself again, even when you are in relationship, because that's oftentimes when that happens, when you leave yourself and you're like, well, let me compromise, well, let me focus more on this person.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: So I'm really proud of it.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: It's, you know, hundreds of women have gone through the program and really, you know, I think they are their own healers.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: But this, like this container, has offered just kind of like a little, a little ignition to what I think they already knew, and so it's been really beautiful to see them thrive during this time, and a lot of them have found partners and are in healthy relationships.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, it's just been so, so, so beautiful.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: And now I am married.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: Congratulations too.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Thank you, and you had met him.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: You knew him right before.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we've known each other for 10 years.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: So I met him, like when I was first in New York bartending and waitressing and, yeah, very short long story short, I basically, when I met him he's very clear and direct has been since I met him and that was not the type of guy that I was used to.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: I was used to guys being like kind of vague, kind of you know, just yeah, unclear.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: And so for him to approach me, he asked my friend who I worked with.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: He's like oh, is Lindsay single?
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: Like, what's her deal?
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Like, who is she?
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: And he approached me and he was like you know, I would love to get to know you.
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: I would love to take you out if you're open to it.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: And I was like who, who, like?
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: No one's ever like said that to me, even though it's so simple.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: I'm like oh, like, usually it's like some stupid drunken, like flirtation, and you know it's not like a proper like.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Hi, I see you and I would like to get to know you.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean Like.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: So I said yes and we had a great time, but I was not ready to receive a man like Sean.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: I was definitely not ready.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: I had to do a lot of work on myself, and I think he did too, but he, he, he intimidated me a little bit and I didn't feel worthy of someone like him is what I realized down down the road.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: But then we reconnected in 2019 when we were on tour here in New York, and it's just wild, when we went out to dinner and reconnected, I thought he was still with his ex-girlfriend, so I wasn't really planning on, you know, anything happening, just like we would reconnect his friends every once in a while too.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: And when he sat down to dinner, I was like, oh, and I just realized how different I was, you know, like all that time had passed, all years of therapy, of experiences, of learnings, like I was like, oh, I'm different and I'm experiencing you differently, and it's all clear, you know.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: And I heard like my spirit team was like, okay, you know, like this is what it should feel like.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: It should feel like peace, it should feel like calm, it should feel like home, you know, and that's what it felt like.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: That's beautiful.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: So I've been married twice.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: My I got divorced and then I met my second husband like the month that I moved away with my daughter, but we didn't start anything for a little while.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: But long story short, so we then I got pregnant with my son and so then we got married because I was kind of like well, I'm pregnant, I don't want to be a single mom of two.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: Like what do I do?
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: And then we got divorced and then I spent like two years being single.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: I had started doing like to be magnetic work and so I was writing my manifestation list and all the things and I called in somebody who literally like matched everything on my list.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: But, just like you were talking about, there was a lack of commitment, the lack of communication, all these things.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: But I had clung onto that for like two years because I was like this is the best I am air quoting it like the best I had received up until that point, because he wasn't unkind, he wasn't like manipulative, but he just wasn't.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: He just wasn't there, right, and I was making it easy to continue to show up for very specific reasons, you know, with the alcohol involved and all the things, and that finally I finally released that, I would say like a year, year and a half ago, but I quit drinking seven months ago, and so it's a really interesting.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: It's been a really interesting process since then because it's like I've done so much work on myself, especially that relationship, and I think you know relationships are such mirrors for us, and so I learned so much about myself during that like two year period with this man and I don't think that person will ever fully understand how much he healed me, right, but that was his purpose.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: But it's been like since I quit drinking.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: It's been so confronting because going on dates without alcohol is so foreign, because I'm like then the anxiety comes up and then all the shadows come up and then I'm like am I boring?
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: Are you going to want to talk to me?
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: And then I've also noticed my nervous system is more regulated because I'm not anxious from the alcohol, right, I'm not like messing with my system, I'm more tapped in.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: But that is also foreign to me because I'm so used to that activated nervous system in relationships, right, and I think it comes back to that, you know, subconscious belief that, like, love can't be love unless it's intense and chaotic.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, the nervous system work is so important.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad you're describing this, because it's something we don't think about.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: I also had to regulate my nervous system when Sean and I started dating this last time around, because it was so not easy.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: Right, there were little friction moments as we were getting to know each other at this stage in our lives.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: But, like you, I was kind of expecting to be a little bit more.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it was like on edge or activated, and I can kind of trace it back whether it's to past relationships, but also to my childhood, and I realized that like this piece is my baseline with him, you know, and it doesn't mean it's not going to fluctuate a little bit during different seasons of our relationship, but that's the baseline and like that is okay and that's such a gift.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: And so it was so much about me connecting with my body in those moments because I could feel myself being activated and like when we moved in together, there was just a lot of things being activated and I would have to like take space, you know, maybe take a walk around the block or take a shower and just be like okay, what is this?
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: What's this feeling Like?
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: Is this feeling young?
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: Is this a new feeling?
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: Is this a feeling that wants to give me a message?
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: You know, I really had to like slow down and be like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and I'm curious if you were able to do this but communicate with the person with like first time dates.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: It's probably not what you do, but, you know, communicate like ooh, like I feel a little like, I feel a little activated, or, you know, I'm just going to go to the bathroom like kind of like excusing yourself, just like noting it, so that you remain in your body and you remain in control, rather than just like keeping yourself there because you feel like whatever's happening is wrong or weird.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: What has been your experience like in real time in those moments?
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: So, like with the guy I was talking about that, I did it for a little while, like I think I overshared because I wasn't getting a response, so I was just like dumping on him all the time.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: But again, I learned so much from that.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: So now I feel like there's one specific example that comes to mind where I something didn't happen that I wanted to happen, and so the person left, and then I was like going through my mind, right, I was kind of like my whole system was just like ah, and instead of just like sitting with that, I like I got on the phone and I was like, hey, this is how I'm feeling.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: I'm sure that wasn't your intention, but I just want to let you know.
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: And as hard as that was, it was also like very freeing for them to be like, oh, I didn't even think about it that way.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: Like this is why I did what I did, you know, and it was like so nice to have that conversation where I was like, wow, setting that new baseline of like this is how it should be, you know.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: And nothing happened with that person.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: Like I didn't continue to see them, but it was just like being able to see that and sort of like, come back to myself and hold my boundaries, because that's a huge one for me.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: I've always been a huge people pleaser and I've ended up in not great relationships because I've just like done everything they wanted me to do, even though my whole body was like no, no, no.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: And so being able to actually say no, as hard as it is, is, and I think that's where the not drinking for me has been so helpful, because it's like every time I go out on a date without alcohol I'm nervous as hell, like I show up and I'm just like trying to find, like pull every tool out of my system you know, for like, like nervous regulation, and then afterwards, though, I feel so empowered where I'm like I did that, like I showed up, right, it was like me, the actual like capital S self that showed up in that relationship or in that instance, and even if it turns into nothing, it's still really empowering, and then it allows me to then kind of take that pause and be like this is actually what I want.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: How can I communicate this?
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, the.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: What I want to highlight about that is is oftentimes, when people are dating, they are so focused on the other person.
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: You know how they're reacting.
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: Do they like me?
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: Like different cues from the other person, and what I love about the season and like the habit that you're in now is that you are so tuned in to how you are feeling and it's almost like however they feel about what I'm kind of bringing doesn't matter as much as how I'm feeling.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: You know, and I think that's the priority and honestly to me, it's felt by the other person that you are someone that is aware, that is able to manage their own energy, that is able to communicate.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: If things you know feel a little off, or maybe you're just curious about something, I think that is really the next level of dating that brings you closer and closer to attracting people who are very much aligned with what you feel that you deserved, deserve.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: So I just I love that you said that, because that is that is the key.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: That's kind of the turning point where we shift the focus from like well, this person like me, what do they think, etc.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: To like how do I feel?
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: Does this feel?
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: This just feels a little off.
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of feeling, you know, like we rarely check in with ourselves.
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: We're always facing how we feel, on how we're perceiving the other person is experiencing us.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's been.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's taken a long time long time to get there, I mean.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: I'll be 37 next month, so it's like all this time, but I think it's.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: It's a beautiful space to be in and I would be curious if you experienced this too.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: Like I feel like right now, where I'm at too, with myself, I'm like so comfortable now and I almost don't feel like I'm dating I air quote that because it's not like it's not like I'm dating somebody every week or anything like that.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: But I almost am like am I doing it?
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: Because I feel like I should be doing it, like I almost feel really comfortable with myself at this point that there's a small part of me that almost feels worried, where I'm like am I just going to be cool?
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: Like being by myself forever.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a very, very, very common question and concern.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: I get in sacredness like all the time, and I think what it is is just a little fear that pops up when you meet another part of yourself that is like really who you are and really who you are is is really comfortable and at peace with being with you.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: And I think where we get tripped up is that not only are we judging what that means, but we're also, like subconsciously or maybe consciously, thinking about what other people think of that.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: We're thinking about how old we are.
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: We're thinking about, you know, what our parents expect, what our family friends expect, what that means if we're not in a relationship.
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: There's just like all of these different influences, that kind of orbit and float around and sometimes they stick and it's like wait, what is that mine?
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: And I think that's a really sweet spot of a moment when you realize like, wow, like actually, if I never find the one, I think it would be okay and not to say that you're not going to find your person, etc.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: Etc.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: Etc.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: But the fact that, no matter what, you are going to be perfectly okay and at peace and in right relationship with yourself.
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: That is what we're after.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: That was the turning point for me.
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: I remember it very clearly.
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: I was living in West LA.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: I was like in my living room on a Friday night, didn't feel any FOMO, I was just like I'm going to cook myself some dinner, I'm going to watch the show, I'm going to like paint my nails as I'm doing that, I'm just going to like relax and I'm so looking forward to it.
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: And I had that feeling where I was like I'm good, I'm good with myself and like if, by chance, I don't meet someone, I think I'm going to be okay.
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't like very long after that that I actually started to attract a different type of person, when I was like kind of open and willing to date.
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: It wasn't the guy that was, you know, kind of confusing and vague in his communication and leading me on, and it was the type of guy that I was like oh wow, I actually really appreciate that quality in you and that quality in you and that's something that I want in a person.
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: Were they my person?
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: No, I had to go through a few, but it was like so reassuring that like the place that I had gotten to within myself was now changing my outward experience in meeting people and it was just like miraculous.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: And eventually, when Sean came in, it was just like oh yeah, this is so clear, there was no question.
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: There was absolutely no question.
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: So it actually excites me to hear that you're at that point and while the fear is like totally normal and I wouldn't say to nix it, I would just say to tend to that part, cause that part is so sweet.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: That part is thinking about whether it's what other people think or they're thinking about, but don't let go of your desire to be with someone.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: It's like no, no, no, this is bigger than that.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: Like I'm good with myself.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: I'm good and that's taken a lot of time and work and growth and like that's what you can focus on.
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, there's been so many like Friday nights that I'm just in bed after my kids go to bed and I'm like watching, like Ted Lasso, or just like something or journaling, and I'm like this is like I'm totally fine.
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: But I do feel like sometimes, that little like voice that comes in.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: So my grandmother, she and my grandfather I don't even know when they got divorced, like they've always.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: They were never together since I ever knew, but she, you know, she passed away and she was single.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: So I've never seen her in relationship with anybody.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: So I think there's an element where it's like you know, am I gonna end up like that and being a single mom?
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: There's a piece to it where it's like I want to provide my children with a man that will be a role model to them, you know, and so it does.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: It is that external, but when I come back inside I'm like, no, I'm fine.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: Like you know, my kids have my father who shows up for them when they need it, you know.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: So, like they do have that outside of me and you know, I think I'm showing them, I'm modeling them, that they don't need to just like have somebody you know what I mean or like give up themselves for somebody else.
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: And you know, I just really believe that your own, the path that you're on, is really unique.
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: All of our paths are unique, but I it excites me to hear aspects of your story because I don't think we are given these very unique kind of not normal by society standards experiences in order to show a new way, show people what's possible, show your kids what's possible, to show yourself what's possible, and it's a task that not everyone has given and I think it's really really special and I think it's a really beautiful exploration that you're on, you know, especially with kids watching you, you know, and being influenced by you.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: I think that gives how you show up that much more awareness and consciousness and I only, I think that will only serve you as you navigate partnership.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: I think kids bring us to presence more than anything.
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I don't know, I know it's been highs and lows for you, you know, in the, in these circumstances, but you know I'm in awe of people who are given these circumstances because it's not by accident.
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: You have everything you need to show up for this and to navigate this and to show again what's possible.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: It's really beautiful.
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I do think that they hold me really accountable, you know, unconsciously, just to calling in the correct partner, because my daughter's witnessed, you know things that she shouldn't have, and so it's like I'm, yeah, that accountability piece to just like do it right this time right, whatever that means, yeah.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: And then there's an element of being.
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: I feel like being a single mom, just like that sort of, distracts me a lot of times from having to really sit in the loneliness of like where it can be right If I didn't have my kids.
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: So I think, like the length that it's taking me to get there is probably a little bit longer, maybe because I'm not fully able to always like sit in it and reflect.
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: And you know, because I'm just, you know, on the go and, yeah, of course, being in this space and doing this work and having these conversations with the podcast and you know being, you know all that stuff is just so beautiful and there's always a tool in it that I can use and reflect back and work through, pull it through myself, and so I think it's really beautiful and I can imagine you know you at the podcast as well on all the guests that you've had conversations with and all the tools you've been shown with such like a help in coming to yourself.
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I mean yeah, there were many a conversation during my single season, in particular on the podcast, that just really, yeah, really shifted the way I thought about myself, about partnership.
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: John Weinland is one of them that we had on a couple times and at the time I was like dating, yeah, I was just kind of like aimlessly dating and it wasn't very conscious, and he said something that was like very simple but direct he's like don't let anyone in, like in in if they do not see you.
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: And he didn't mean like see you with your eyes, he's like see you.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh wow, because I was leading with the physical, I was leading with getting intimate very early on as a way to hook them, you know, and most of those people did not see me at all.
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: So I was having just these really kind of fruitless and soul-sucking experiences and wondering why.
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: So that was one that was like, oh yeah, okay, I totally changed my tune.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: And how did you like if it came up for you the shadow of if you're not leading with that being interesting, or you know, because I think when you, obviously, when you share that first, there's a reason to come back right, and it's not like you said.
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: They're not actually seeing you.
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: It's not the right reasons for them when you're not leading with that.
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, someone argued that, you know, leading with that first doesn't give them a reason to come back.
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: So it just depends, right, like, I agree with you.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: But you know, some people think the other way.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: I had to look at my own self-worth in those moments, you know, because there was a part of me that didn't believe that who I was, as like a soul and a personality, was enough.
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: I also think that at the time I was attracting people who I knew intuitively were if we can curse on the show were fuckboys.
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: So I knew intuitively that that was kind of their ML and so I was giving them what they wanted and thinking that I could change them.
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: And you can't you can't change people like that.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: I think it would have behoved me to reserve the physical side of things and see if anyone was actually interested in who I am and then progress to that point of intimacy and that might have changed some people.
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: But who knows?
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: But it was, yeah, it was definitely a part of me that, yeah, both my husband and I too just had some really deep conversations about both of us, like I think, him as a man, him as a Jamaican man who has been taught that, like you know, you lead with providing for the family and also, you know, having women is like a form of status, and we've just had a lot of really beautiful conversations around how that has really changed for us, not only in our relationship, but just as we've like, grown and experienced the opposite of sleeping around or giving ourselves too soon or being really like casual with sex, like it's just it's.
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: It's been really cool and I think we both have changed so much and have really understood intimacy now as not just sex and it's very cool, you know, I think it's liberated both of us To really enjoy aspects of one another and ourselves in ways that are just so much deeper and more meaningful, and not putting so much pressure on like, like we have to have sex or we haven't had sex.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: It's like now, it's just so natural.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: You know, it's like woven into the tapestry of intimacy that we've created and it's not the only thread of intimacy that we can pull on.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful, and I think so many people like when I realized this that I was doing it, I was like whoa, but like using sex as false intimacy, where it's like I wanted so much more than that with the man that I was dating for a while, like I would always invite him over for sex, but what I really craved was the touch and the conversation.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: The sex wasn't that important, and I realized that after a while.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: But I think so many people lead with that, and also I, you know, choosing those men that it's just sex also sort of allows you to not be vulnerable, right?
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: So you're exactly using people who allow you to avoid that part of yourself, and so that was also a huge like a ha moment for me too.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm actually trying to be like dismissive in this situation so I can pretend like I want more, but really they're making it easy to not spot on, spot on.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: I realized that that as well, I was avoiding my own ability to be vulnerable and just open.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: And yeah, it was kind of this false surface level openness, literally openness you know, so it's like yeah, I really had to learn that too.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: So now with your husband, and when you remat or not remat, but rekindled and started how, like everything that you learned, approaching now these conversations in this relationship, were they easier or it was still sort of difficult to navigate those, but just kind of coming into yourself makes it easier, yeah.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: It wasn't easier at first, you know, still really clunky on my end.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: He's someone who really values honesty, communication and, candidly, I wasn't used to that.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: I wasn't used to being open and honest and communicating how I feel in the moment, and I had to kind of dig in a little bit and get honest about, like OK, there are aspects of who I am innately that aren't always going to feel comfortable sharing how I feel in the moment.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: What I realized is that sometimes I need a moment.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: I need a moment to come back to how do I really feel?
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: Is this mine?
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: Yes, ok, it's mine.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: Like, where does this come from?
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: And it helps me to take a moment, take a pause, and I'll ask for that.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: I'll just say, hey, I'm going to like I would love to just take a time out because I need to understand what's coming up for me, and let's come back together in like an hour and we all can ask for that.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: You know, I think that's a very responsible thing to do, so that we're not reacting, so that we're not dysregulated, so that we don't come out of our bodies and we're like, what are we saying?
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: I don't even know how am I feeling, and there's this heightened emotion that's just running the show.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: So I try to come back to like a very neutral place where I'm more understanding of what's coming up.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: But it was clunky, you know, I really I.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: I realized that I had to share with him very honestly what was hard about this for me.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: So I had to say to him like, babe, it's really hard for me to understand what I'm feeling when you're right in front of me, like staring at me, like I kind of need to go inward and regulate, and then come back, babe, it's really hard for me when my emotions are heightened, because I feel like I can't speak, I'm just going to cry.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: And even though it's something that he didn't understand at first, he's come to understand.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: Is me, and he's come to understand, because I've explained it to him, where this comes from.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 2: And I've worked on this.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: You know a lot and it's been so cool to see the results.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: So, for example, for example, when we first moved in together, I realized that I was super codependent where, like, his moods would dictate how I was feeling.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: And he can be a moody person and I love him for that, because he just allows himself to be what he is and doesn't really worry too much about how other people might be experiencing it.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: That could be good in situations most of the time, but sometimes it's like okay, a little awareness.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: But I actually really respect it because I'm so not like that.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: So when he would either be in a mood or just need his alone time, I would sense that and I would take it personally what did I do?
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: Or like you don't want to hang out with me, or you know, I would just kind of take it to the extreme and while I wouldn't voice that, my energy said it all and he picks up on energy very quickly and it would just create this tension in our environment.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh man, this feeling is so not what I want to be feeling.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: And eventually we just started speaking to what was happening.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 2: So he would say, like you know, this has nothing to do with you, this has nothing to do with you.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 2: I had like something happen at work today and I just kind of need a little time to wind down and I would say to him like okay, you know, okay, like I actually really needed to hear the part about something happened at work today, because it helps me to one understand and respect where you're coming from but also helps me to unhook from this pattern that I find myself in, which is like is it me?
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: So he started to learn that I kind of needed some information in order to regulate, and I learned that if it has to do with me, he's going to tell me, and so I really had to trust that.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 2: So both of us were really learning about each other and learning to trust the standards that we've set in our relationship around communication, rather than wondering and humming and hawing like oh gosh, like what is he thinking?
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: I never worry about that anymore.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 2: I know he's going to tell me and he'll be really clear and hopefully he feels the same about me.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's taken me longer to get to that place because I'm super sensitive and just picking up on so much at all times, but I've gotten a lot better because he's really modeled that for me.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know if they answered your question.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I'd be curious.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: Do you know?
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: Are you emotionally defined or is he?
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: In human design In human design.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know, I'm an emotional authority.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, what else?
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: What other information do you need?
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: I was just curious if he was open or undefined in his emotions, or if you were, I just I've always like hear these little like keywords as I listen to things and but I can tell you like I'm pulling at my chart.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 2: Does it have to do with?
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: emotional authority.
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: Well, there's like two layers to emotions and like when you talk about like him being able to read the energy, like you know, that cognition piece, so like my cognition is feeling.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: So I'd be curious if his was as well, because that you literally feel the energy around you and being able to like pick up on that, or you know.
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, we're all just empaths.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: So it could be a piece to it too.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 2: I'm signed out of my account so I can't pull out.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: But I will find out.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: That's really interesting.
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: Because I think we're always attracting what we're not, right, that's so much.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: A piece of human design is that we're always looking to fill the things that we're not, and so we're always, you know, that's just like sort of part of it.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: So he may be undefined emotionally, I mean he's definitely emotional he's, he's, he goes by feeling.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 2: So I don't know if that answers your question, but I'll have to look at his chart.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: He definitely goes by feeling he's.
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 2: I think we're both very similar in that sense, but he's a lot more practical and I'm kind of feeling the ethers you know, I'm like, well, you know I'm not as practical, yeah, but yeah, I definitely think we.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 2: I have attracted my opposite in a lot of ways.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: That's been like the healthiest ever for me.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: What do you feel like in just like looking at your time of being single and in your relationship.
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: What do you feel like has been the biggest lesson for you?
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 2: I think my biggest lesson has been around self-worth.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 2: I honestly didn't realize that, like I had low self-worth.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: I thought, you know, if you would have asked me like eight, nine years ago, like hey, like do you think you're worthy of X, y and Z Good life, great career, a loving partner I'd be like, yeah, absolutely, you know I wouldn't have, I would not have hesitated.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 2: But what I realized was that there were a lot of subconscious beliefs that were running the show without me knowing whether I'd been modeled and unworthiness, and it just kind of was a part of my programming or it was, and it was these very poignant life events that really influenced my worth and how I treated myself and what I believed I deserved.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: And so in dating and in my single period, it was incredibly important that I brought what was running in my subconscious to my consciousness and was able to look at it and was able to understand its origins and I was able to, in the moment that maybe that was showing up, catch it, take a breath, kind of run my practices, so that that became the new pattern of like I see that part of me it's not the one running the show and just kind of reminding myself who I really am and who I've become, and then in relationship.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 2: One of the greatest gifts that Sean has given me is, I believe he saw who I was, and so much more than I even realized, way back 10 years ago.
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 2: I believe that's what he saw and that's why he was attracted to me, and it took me a long time to get to the place where, like, I saw it in myself and now in our relationship, even when I forget, he's constantly reminding me of who I am and what I'd serve and what I'm capable of, and I think that's one of, like, the greatest gifts in a partnership, where your partner can really support and pour into the becoming of, like your greatest and highest expression, and they really don't let you settle for anything less.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, it was definitely self-worth and that's why I love getting older.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh, it does get better and better, like I do understand my worth, like more and more as each year passes, there's more experience, you know runs through my system.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yep, I get it, I get it.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 2: I would never go back to my 20s that's for sure.
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I know, and I appreciate so much this conversation and I think that's where I've come to.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: It's like, just as I get older and the more I understand myself and form that relationship with myself and being in this single period, it just felt like really important to have the conversation and just to show, like sitting.
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 1: A lot of people have like a fear around being single and you know, of course, like all those subconscious beliefs come up.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it's just the more that I get to know myself, the more I age, and it's just it is such a beautiful space to be in and it is a beautiful process to go through and I'm like, as I'm sitting here, I'm like everybody needs to be single for like six, seven years, right, and to really like fully know who you are so that you can actually show up as you are in relationships.
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: And not that it's easy, because we're all going to be triggered and I think relationships are mirrors and if we've had trauma, especially, that comes up in relationships.
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: But just being able to have that space to come back to be like, no, this is my baseline, this is who I am, and then being able to move from there, oh, I completely agree.
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: I completely agree.
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 2: I always, I always like say a prayer whenever someone I know jumps from relationship to relationship.
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it works out beautifully and most of the time they're carrying the same patterns to the next relationship and not having time to really get honest and look at those pieces that were actually perpetuating something that wasn't working.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 2: So I completely agree.
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 2: Maybe not six, seven years, because it's only a long period of time for a lot of people Like.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 2: Hey, let's give it a year, you know what I mean.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 2: Maybe two years, like just really, because once you set the foundation and you, you click in with yourself and you're like I will never leave you, like we are, like this relationship, you and me sets a tone for every other relationship that we have and we'll always check each other.
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 2: You know, it's like that type of understanding and bond with yourself, with your soul, and it's just the best thing ever.
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 2: It's truly the best thing ever and that, I think, is the core of what I teach and the sacredness of being single, you know, and it changes your experience with everyone, not just romantic partners.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for coming on and having this conversation with me.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: If you want to let everyone know where they can find you, where they can find sacredness of being single, of course, everything will be in the show notes as well.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 2: This was so fun.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: I love this conversation and, yeah, I'm just proud of you, like I know you are on your path.
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 2: It's so obvious and I'm excited to see, just like what's what's next.
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: So you can find me on Instagram at Lindsay Simpsick, s-i-m-c-i-k.
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 2: It's really me and the DM.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 2: So please message me.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: I would love to chat and then everything's linked in my bio there.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 2: So almost 30, the sacredness of being single, and if you want to join our monthly sacredness circles but not ready for the program, you can join those circles one off.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 2: The link is in my bio as well.
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you, thank you.