Latest / Authentic Living / Dr. Gillian Mandich, Hapiness Expert discuses evidence-based health information to help you lead a happier life

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Dr. Gillian Mandich, Hapiness Expert discuses evidence-based health information to help you lead a happier life · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we conscious conversations about
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  things that really matter in our lives.
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  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:38
  Hi, everyone.
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  It's Roxanne Derhodge.
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  Today, I have a special guest I met her just recently, but I've known about her for a while.
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  And what did we come up the other day with doctor happy?
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  Is that what they're calling you?
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  Yeah.
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  Jillian manage.
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  So she, Jillian, is a happiness expert, which I don't know.
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  You must have people following you around when they find out what you're doing because that's
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  what everybody, you know, in my practice or when you're speaking, everybody wants to be
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  happy and feel fulfilled.
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  So let me just tell you a little bit about Julian and, we'll jump right in Jillian has her
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  PhD in Health Sciences from, the University of London.
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  She regularly appears on, TV in Toronto as a happiness expert where she's on the social
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  breakfast television.
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  She's also been involved with the Richard Ivy School of Business, and she's done a TEDx talk
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  in Toronto.
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  She the topic of the talk was the surprising truth of happiness, which I know, like I said,
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  and she you're on QVC and the health shopping network in the US.
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  So thanks, Jillian, for taking the time to come on today.
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  Oh, thank you so much for for having me.
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  I'm really happy to be here with you today.
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  So Jillian and I have a friend in common, and we, you know, we just recently met at an event,
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  I think, about a week ago and recognized that really, you know, she talks about happiness.
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  And, obviously, I'm talk as a mental health and wellness specialist.
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  I'm always you know, wanting to talk to people.
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  People are always wanting to talk about happiness, talk about connection.
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  When people talk, to me either consulting to 1 to 1 or in companies.
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  They wanna figure out how is it that I get?
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  You know, you hear the word peace of mind, right, and I again, if you have peace of mind,
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  you're gonna obviously involved in that is happiness.
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  So, Janine, tell me you ended up with happiness.
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  Did you when you were in grade school, did you say I wanna grow up one day and teach people
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  how to be happy?
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  No.
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  You know, I I always looking back, like, I'm in exactly I know that I'm doing exactly what I
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  was meant to be doing, and yet all through school, I wanted to be a medical doctor.
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  So Okay.
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  So I did my undergraduate degree at Western University And Health Science.
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  And then the original plan was to go to med school after that.
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  And I ended up deciding that my heart wasn't really in it.
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  I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, so I went and worked for a year at the public health unit
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  in London, Ontario doing research.
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  And when I was there, I realized that I do love health.
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  That's hopefully why I wanted to go to med school.
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  And what I love even more is research.
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  So if I combine those 2 and do health research, then then I'm really doing something I enjoy.
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  So I actually went back to school.
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  Did a master's degree in child and youth health.
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  Where I was looking at physical activities, sedentary behaviors, nutrition information,
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  health information for children that were overweight through obese.
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  And then I went into my PhD and partway through.
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  I started realizing, that our health is about so much more than just a number on a scale.
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  You know, we you can be overweight or obese and be healthy, and you cannot be overweight or
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  obese and be unhealthy.
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  And so I wanted to have to study something that was more encompassing, first of all, than
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  included more people because we all wanna be we all wanna be happy.
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  Right?
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  And so and not all of us necessarily struggle with our weight, and yet we all can live the
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  best life possible.
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  So I ended up switching topics, part with your my PhD, because What I realized when I started,
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  digging into the research was that when you're happy, you're often healthier.
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  When you compare unhappy people to happy people, Happy people live longer.
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  They have lower rates of cardiovascular disease.
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  They recover faster from injury.
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  They tend to make better nutritional choices.
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  They get better quality sleep.
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  And so I realized that my passion for hell can be looked up through the lens of happiness, and
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  it's encompassing because we all we all, if you pay attention to what drives our behaviors,
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  oftentimes, it's our desire to be happy.
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  And so I switched gears.
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  And then last, at the end of last year, I dependent my PhD in health science at Western
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  University.
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  And so now I'm done and I research happiness, and I'm a I'm a doctor of happiness.
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  How fun is that?
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  Fun.
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  I'm sure.
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  Like, I mean, so okay.
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  Let's talk a little bit about that, right, because every person you talk to will define
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  happiness differently.
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  Would you agree with me?
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  Yes.
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  So what is it that when people talk to you or when you've kind of, you know, had subjects,
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  how do they define if you could kinda give me a, like, an overall concept of happiness?
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  Yeah.
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  This is kind of as a researcher.
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  This is a very complicated answer because It happiness is a feeling.
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  It's like love, and it can be really hard to put our feelings into words.
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  Oftentimes, our language fall short of being able to to captivate those type of feelings.
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  And yet when you research something, you have to define all your terms of what your study So
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  I do the best that I can.
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  And so the way, I define happiness in my work, I use a definition that's commonly cited with a
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  lot of different researchers and it actually comes from Doctor.
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  Sonia Lomarski out in California, and she defines happiness as the experience of joy,
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  contentment, and positive well-being.
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  Combined with the sense that one's life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.
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  So I kind of like that definition.
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  Jillian, say that again because I think that's really, really important.
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  Say that again.
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  Yes.
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  So it's happiness is the experience of joy.
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  Tentman and positive well-being combined with a sense that one's life is good, meaningful, and
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  worthwhile.
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  Wow.
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  So that definition, it really hits on a lot of different levels of of happiness, right?
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  Because we could be happy and feel joy.
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  And sometimes when we're really content, our expression of happiness is different and yet we
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  still feel happy or when we feel peaceful, And and I think the other piece that it's really
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  significant is the combined with a sense that one's life is good, meaningful, and while.
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  So recognizing that we all and we do.
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  We all have our unique purpose here to do whatever it is that we were, we're meant to do.
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  And so when we feel that we have that piece where we feel like our life matters, where we
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  matter, that's really an essential component into the the happiness with.
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  So important, right?
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  Because, you know, so many today and if you think about it with issues around mental
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  well-being, depression, and anxiety, 1,000,000,000 and 1,000,000,000 of dollars are
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  being lost.
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  In that, you know, even into schools, like, you know, I know you speak a lot of schools.
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  I speak a lot of schools and universities or even have been done some consulting.
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  Our younger generation in that, you know, they're they're struggling.
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  They're struggling with so many things.
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  Why why is it did you think that part of the population struggles as much as they do,
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  Julian?
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  Yeah.
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  You know, and so I taught at Western University in the faculty of health science for 4 years.
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  And throughout that time, even with the students in my classes, they were health sign
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  undergraduate health science students.
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  I saw such an increase even in that 4 years, in terms of the the different challenges, the
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  number of students that were challenged, challenged by mental health, different
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  struggles.
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  And that's not exclusive to universities.
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  We're seeing increases in in elementary school, in high schools, and it really is it's a
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  multifactorial equation because the stress of social media definitely plays a very big role
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  in that because if you look in terms of the research of how social media can impact the
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  mental health of students, especially when they aren't taught how to successfully and
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  effectively navigate social media.
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  And so then they go and they go on and they look at the like, or the filters or whatever's
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  going on on social media, and it really can create a distorted perception of reality even
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  because when we look on social media, these bright shiny polished moments that we see.
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  That's that's the front of someone's house.
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  That's the front stage.
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  What we're not seeing is the backstage, the behind the scenes.
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  And so especially for for young people and and for anyone, really, when you start to do have
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  that comparison, It starts to affect your mental health because it it can impact your
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  confidence.
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  It can impact your self esteem.
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  It can impact your thinking.
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  And so it really can you can start to go down this rabbit hole of of that, and it can be very
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  detrimental for for mental health.
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  And The thing is, though, it's it's kind of, like, interesting because we're never actually
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  taught, and students these days very rarely are they taught how to effectively use social
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  media?
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  And also, we're actually never really taught how to be happy either.
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  Like, if you think about it when you're in school, right, you learn math, you learn
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  science, you learn chemistry, and geography, and yet nobody ever teaches us the one thing
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  that we all want.
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  We all wanna be happy.
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  And then we're not happy, and we take a step back.
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  And if you think about it, why aren't you happy?
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  Well, oftentimes we're because we were never even taught how to be happy, and I find a lot
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  of time even with myself when I started researching happiness.
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  And what I see in a lot of my research participants is that if I ask what makes you
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  happy, people often have a difficult time answering that question.
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  I mean, if you think about it right now, right, like, what makes you happy?
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  And and you really have to kind of wrap your brain and think about it and times because we
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  tend to not think about that or ask that question.
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  And so then when we think while why aren't I happy?
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  Well, we even know what that is?
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  Are we even moving towards the target that we know what it looks like?
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  Right?
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  And I see I often look at, you know, I've a I'm an eighteen year old and, I look at the little
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  children, right, and and you look at them and there's, you know, talk about, you know, what
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  is their meaning and purpose when they're a little to play, you know, to, you know, have
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  fun, to giggle, to laugh, and they're they're they're completely in the moment.
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  And then you could kind of see the shift out of where things they developmentally, they start
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  to shift up because they start to oh, Johnny does this.
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  Johnny, please hockey better than me.
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  Or, you know, you know, you know, his mom and dad, you know, live together.
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  We live apart and all those, and they you're so right.
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  Even with the the social media days, there's that comparison that starts.
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  Right?
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  And then And then if, like you said, if you don't have that ability to kind of ground
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  yourself with the right people around you to say, well, that's okay.
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  You know, you're better at this, or have you thought about this, or you're sad?
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  Why don't you kind of spend some time?
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  It's okay to be sad once in a while.
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  We all are.
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  It'll pass.
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  It's a feeling, but you're right.
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  It's that gentle kind of, touch point throughout that assists people to really kind
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  of sit in their space to realize You know what, she's it's pretty good.
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  I had a bad thought, but it's gone.
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  So it's it's interesting that you when you say who teaches us to be happy.
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  So what what does the research show about people that actually find out that know more
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  about happiness versus I I can tell you from you know, the mental health and wellness
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  perspective, but what does the research say?
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  Say in terms of
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  what people when they define happiness, what helped them find their happiness?
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  So interestingly, the research, shows that happiness is a practice.
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  It's not a destination.
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  So happiness isn't something that you find.
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  It's something that you do.
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  Okay.
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  So, happiness is a skill.
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  A lot of it is a learned behavior.
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  So in terms well, let me take a step back.
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  If you look at our total capacity for happiness, research done with twin studies.
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  So with twins that were genetically identical separated at birth, Mhmm.
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  Found that about 50% of our total capacity for happiness is genetically determined.
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  So some people are happier and some people are more like.
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  Right?
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  It's kind of that spectrum.
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  Right.
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  And and that only accounts for about 50%.
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  About 10% of our happiness is, impacted by our day to day life, our environment, where we
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  work, where we live, And if you're listening, you might be like, did I hear that right?
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  Was it 10%?
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  And, yes, I said 10% because We're adopted creatures as humans.
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  And so while we think that, you know, if we're miserable at work or we're not fighting, we're
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  fighting with our partner or Our children's going through the terrible twos or whatever's
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  going on.
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  We live our life every single day.
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  And so although we think It impacts us as much.
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  It doesn't because we're we're adaptive creatures as humans.
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  And the exciting part of this data is that so we have 50% genetic 10% environment, there's
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  still 40% left, and that 40% is a skill based learned behavior.
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  That's the component of happiness that each and every one of us have the capacity to increase.
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  So just like you go into the gym and you work your muscles to get stronger or like you eat
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  healthy food every single day if you want to be healthy, you can learn skills that are
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  correlated, highly correlated with happiness that boost your happiness and have significant
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  impact in your life.
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  And so as a happiness researcher, my work focuses on that 40% because in terms of
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  behavior change and having a significant important impact on our life, that's where,
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  you're gonna get the biggest bang for your buck.
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  So within that 40%, it's not like one day you arrive at happiness and you're there and you're
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  good.
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  What happens is you start to build that muscle.
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  Over time slowly start to build your happiness muscle.
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  And then at the end of the day or at the end of your life, I guess you look back and you
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  realize that happiness wasn't an endpoint, it was a means to a life well lived.
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  Well said, well said.
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  Right?
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  So it really It's a practice.
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  Yeah.
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  So it's things that you can actually do, which I mean, obviously, as a psychotherapist, I I
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  see I've, unfortunately, have seen everything within the spec room.
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  But really, you see some people that they're like, you know, they're able to get through
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  pretty, you know, separations or conflicted work and those types of things and maybe kind
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  of take a hold of it, but there are others that get completely debilitated by it.
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  And then they just, you know, they they kind of they they struggle to kind of get back on their
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  feet.
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  Think properly think positively or, you know, to think that, you know, to think good thoughts
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  or to be able to go out for a nice walk.
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  You were talking about being in Toronto and going getting outside.
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  And I'm telling you, I'm I'm I'm in Chippewa.
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  I'm back onto the golf course, and I've been sitting out there listening to the birds this
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  morning.
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  Something that simple or, you know, friendships or, you know, just, you know, having a, you
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  know, a nice walk with a friend or, you know, you know, doing something that's fun for you
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  reading or music or dancing or all those things are really a compilation of what defines, and
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  you and I would be very different because we're different people.
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  But it's it's kind of figuring that out with yourself.
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  So tell me how what kind of things when you speak.
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  How do you tell people to explore happiness if they think that they haven't quote unquote,
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  I've not learned how to meet be happy, Jillian.
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  What what what should I do?
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  Yeah.
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  And, you know, this was actually an I started researching happiness because in addition to
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  the health, element that I talked about, for me personally, like, I we only get one shot at
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  life.
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  And I wanna live the best life ever, and then we all do.
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  And so the I came to happiness also because I personally wanted to figure out how I could be
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  happier and how I can live the happiest life possible.
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  And so in addition to the research and the data.
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  I've been trying a lot of the things that I've been doing in my research these past 4 years
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  and have really noticed.
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  Like, I wish I would have measured my happiness when I started researching happiness and then
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  measured it right now because like I said, how it's a muscle and it's a skill, it truly does
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  shift over time.
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  And so if someone, and and this happens a lot, I get asked, you know, okay, well, I'm not as
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  happy as I wanna be.
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  What can I do?
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  And I think that well, actually, so probably if I think about it, the number one question that
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  I get asked if I tell someone, I have a PhD and I research happiness, they'll say, like, what's
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  the magic pill?
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  Right?
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  Like, what's that, like, one thing?
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  What's the one thing to do or buy or say or get or whatever in order to be happy.
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  And I always say, like, there's no magic pill for happiness.
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  There's really not.
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  At the end of the day, like, you're the pharmacist.
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  Each and every one of us has to figure out for ourselves what makes it happy.
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  And I can share research I can suggest some things that that has been shown in in research
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  to impact happiness.
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  And some of them are gonna work for you, and some of them because we're all different.
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  And different people, different sort of approaches or tactics.
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  It's just like like exercise.
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  Right?
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  Like, I kinda talked about happiness as like a muscle, Some people when they exercise, they
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  wanna go to CrossFit.
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  Some people wanna go to yoga.
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  Some people wanna go for a walk in the park.
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  Some people wanna do powerlifting.
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  There's a lot of different ways to achieve fitness and to be healthy and fit.
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  There's a lot of different tools and different things that we can do to be happy.
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  And the way to figure that out is is really to to go within instead of going outside.
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  So instead of looking at and what are these things that are gonna make me happy?
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  Who's gonna tell me?
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  What book do I need to buy for someone to tell me I'm gonna be happy?
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  What what food do I need to eat?
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  What wine do I need to drink?
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  Whatever it is.
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  Start to really check-in with yourself and a great practice that I've used and I and I share
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  a lot to a lot of people and get amazing feedback is if you wanna be happy, you need to
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  figure out what makes you happy.
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  And if you're not sure what that is, you can start to be like a detective within yourself.
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  So what I suggest is, like, to get out a piece of paper, just like a blank piece of paper.
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  And then for the entire day, every time you and then come draw a line down the paper so you
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  have 2 columns.
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  You're gonna label 1 column things that make me happier and 1 column things that make me less
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  happy.
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  Then as you go through the day and you start to do different activities, when you're done that
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  activity, check-in and you say, ask yourself.
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  Do I feel more happy or less happy than when I began this and then put it in the appropriate
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  column?
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  And then at the end of the day, or if you if you're a So if you're like me and you wanna get
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  some good data, try this for, like, 2 or 3 days, then look at your sheets and look at your
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  list, and you're gonna have things on your list that make you less happy.
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  You're gonna have things on your list that make you more happy.
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  And then the question becomes now that you're kind of aware of those things that are making
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  you happy that you're doing right now, the question becomes, how can I do more of that?
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  Mhmm.
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  And the things that make me less columns, how can I do less?
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  And you might be thinking, yeah, well, I've got laundry and email cooking on my due list list.
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  There's no way I can't not do those things.
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  Yes.
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  That's true.
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  There are certain things in our life we have to do.
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  And there's still gonna be some things on that list that we can do less of, or we can
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  outsource, or we can get help with, or we can delegate, or we can do less frequently or spend
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  less time on because happiness isn't always just about doing things, so we can look at
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  that.
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  It is an element.
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  Like, you can look at the happiness and do more.
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  But it also a part of the equation is looking at the list of what to eliminate in doing less.
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  So that's a great practice.
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  If you're not sure for yourself, what makes you happy?
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  Because the best way to figure out your happiness is to figure it out for your because
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  at the end of the day, I mean, I'm a happiness researcher, and I I can't tell you what for you
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  specifically is gonna make you happy.
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  The only one that knows that it's you.
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  Right?
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  And so that's that's where it's empowering and exciting because we have this opportunity to to
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  be a detective within ourselves and to figure those things out.
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  For sure.
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  And, you know, what, we talked about social earlier and, you know, what people are because
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  we're of creatures of comparison.
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  Like, people can say, well, I don't compare.
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  Well, okay.
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  If I if you if you don't compare at all, then we should talk.
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  But, you know, generally, it's kinda like, okay, what am I comparing to?
• 20:56
  Like, to your point, you're seeing the front of the house.
• 20:58
  You see, you know, you're seeing you know, the happy smiling family.
• 21:01
  You're not seeing that there was a pull down, Dragos 20 minutes before.
• 21:05
  You're not seeing how people are using skills to problem solve those types of things.
• 21:09
  You're not seeing when someone's gone through something significant or whether they've gone
• 21:13
  through a separation if they went to a death or if they have being bullied at school or if
• 21:17
  they're, you know, if they are in that 50% where they are more predisposed to being down,
• 21:24
  what they have to do.
• 21:25
  Right?
• 21:25
  So that so what you're saying is go internally, but social media really is external.
• 21:30
  Right?
• 21:30
  I'm gonna compare externally outside of myself to what I think that person's doing.
• 21:36
  Oh, there's Jillian.
• 21:37
  She's doing X Y Z.
• 21:39
  I'm at home on a Saturday night.
• 21:40
  Not doing much, something must be wrong with me and those messages that people start to
• 21:45
  resonate within themselves.
• 21:47
  And then before you know it, you know, our brainer or body are connected, whatever my
• 21:51
  time, myself, and then I don't feel so good about myself.
• 21:53
  And then I maybe don't connect with someone that can maybe I could probably go out and have
• 21:58
  a good evening, but we're comparing.
• 21:59
  So it's like a vicious cycle.
• 22:01
  Yeah.
• 22:02
  Yeah.
• 22:02
  It's it's it's so true.
• 22:04
  And I think anytime you start looking outside of yourself, you're gonna get lost because
• 22:10
  you're not at home.
• 22:12
  And even in terms of happiness, like some sometimes like when I do a talk, I'll say, you
• 22:17
  know, something like eating healthy food makes you is makes you happy because when you eat
• 22:21
  healthy food, you're healthier and you feel more energized, and someone will inevitably
• 22:25
  inevitably put up their hand and say, well, pizza makes me happy or chocolate cake makes me
• 22:29
  happy.
• 22:30
  And
• 22:30
  so even within happiness, there's a difference between that sort of in the moment moment
• 22:35
  hedonic, superficial layer of happiness versus you can kinda go deeper into that joy,
• 22:43
  contentment, positive, well-being, satisfactions, like that sort of element of
• 22:47
  happiness.
• 22:48
  So sometimes in the moment, something that make you happy.
• 22:50
  And in the long term, overall, it actually does and or it doesn't make you as happy as other
• 22:56
  things have the capacity to do.
• 22:58
  Right?
• 22:59
  So it's interesting even in terms of happiness, how, for example, if you keep wearing a car,
• 23:05
  Right?
• 23:06
  The first day you get the car, you're so happy.
• 23:08
  You love your car.
• 23:09
  You're driving it around.
• 23:10
  Everything's great.
• 23:11
  And a week later or a month later, it's not like you're getting car every morning, and
• 23:15
  they're, like, so happy and, like, loving your brand new car the same way because we adapt it.
• 23:19
  And so those things that bring us happiness in the moment that's more materialistic or
• 23:24
  material things for me, tend to not last.
• 23:28
  And so when we can start looking to meaning and things like that in terms of what makes you
• 23:32
  happy in our impact, that's where you can get that deep meaningful happiness that really has
• 23:38
  the most benefits, for us from from a health, from a physical health, and from a mental
• 23:43
  health perspective.
• 23:44
  For sure.
• 23:45
  Because, of course, if if physically you're doing certain things, that's gonna impact your
• 23:49
  mental.
• 23:49
  And if you're doing certain things mentally, gonna affect your physical, but it's it's it's
• 23:53
  a continuum.
• 23:54
  I often say it's like that figure h.
• 23:56
  Right?
• 23:56
  You're you're trying to figure it out.
• 23:58
  And if you're predisposed.
• 23:59
  Let's say you predisposed to say a bit of anxiety or depression.
• 24:03
  That's more biological versus situational.
• 24:06
  You know, kinda okay.
• 24:07
  Well, I have to accept that.
• 24:08
  Like, you know, well, it's kinda like if I was diabetic, like, I often say to people, you're
• 24:13
  gonna take your insulin, right?
• 24:14
  Well, there's you might be able to have to do to boost yourself a little bit more.
• 24:18
  If you're a little bit hyper or if you're a little bit depressed, you might have to work
• 24:22
  that a little extra say compared to somebody that doesn't have that 50% biological like
• 24:26
  you're saying.
• 24:28
  And then sometimes it's acceptance that, which is sometimes difficult.
• 24:31
  But what you're what we're seeing today is more, would you say that, a lot of the, the
• 24:37
  issues of depression and anxiety, is it a combination a biological and psychological, or
• 24:42
  situational, I should say.
• 24:44
  Biological and situational, is it a combination?
• 24:46
  What do you think?
• 24:47
  Yeah.
• 24:48
  You know, it definitely is is a combination, and and everybody's different.
• 24:51
  So I always say, though, it's really important to know that when I talked about that 40%, that
• 24:56
  skill based learn behave If you don't have the building blocks in place to build the house,
• 25:00
  you're not gonna have a house.
• 25:02
  So structurally in your body, if your body can't produce serotonin or dopamine or some of
• 25:09
  these hormones that contribute to happiness, no amount of say, like, practicing gratitude every
• 25:13
  day is gonna get you there.
• 25:16
  So there's there's a time and a place for consulting with your doctor for medical
• 25:21
  intervention.
• 25:21
  Absolutely.
• 25:23
  And also a lot of our happiness too when we look at it as a skill based learn behavior, it
• 25:29
  comes up to us.
• 25:31
  And oftentimes, We just aren't taught.
• 25:33
  Like I said, we're not taught how to be happy.
• 25:35
  And oftentimes, we don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with the difficult things in
• 25:39
  our life.
• 25:40
  And so they start to impact our life.
• 25:42
  And so as we sort of build our happiness muscle or we strengthen that, we get stronger.
• 25:47
  And when we're stronger, we're able to cope more resiliency.
• 25:50
  We're we have more tools in our tool belt.
• 25:53
  So when difficult things happen, we're able to adapt.
• 25:56
  So for example, with happiness, I always say, like, actually, this is one of the things I was
• 26:00
  supposed to like, when I first started researching happiness, I thought the goal in
• 26:04
  life was, like, be happy and don't be sad.
• 26:07
  I really did, and I wanted to learn happiness because I wanted to figure out how to be happy,
• 26:11
  and I didn't wanna be sad.
• 26:13
  I wanted to get rid of sadness and have all happiness.
• 26:16
  Mhmm.
• 26:16
  And what I was surprised to learn is that happiness and sadness aren't two ends of the
• 26:21
  same continuum.
• 26:22
  For 2 separate constructs.
• 26:24
  So you can be more happy and less happy and more sad and less sad They're separate, and the
• 26:31
  goal in life is not to eliminate sadness.
• 26:34
  It's to be able to have those tools and the coping mechanisms so that when we feel sad, We
• 26:40
  feel sad.
• 26:41
  We feel it fully.
• 26:42
  We don't bottle it up.
• 26:43
  We don't push it down.
• 26:44
  We we we feel the emotion fully, and then we choose again.
• 26:48
  So that we're not marinating in that sadness for for weeks or for months because we're we're
• 26:53
  all gonna have, like, part of being human is having difficult things happen.
• 26:57
  Having stressful things happen and having sad things happen.
• 27:00
  And it's not a question of getting rid of those things that happen.
• 27:03
  It's a question of how do we respond to those things?
• 27:05
  And so that's where happiness can really come in and can really be this sort of amazing tool
• 27:11
  that we have that can help us to cope when those things happen so that I always say it's
• 27:16
  like we want this uptrend so that your lows get higher and your highs get higher.
• 27:20
  Because as you build that muscle and you get stronger, you're able to take your lows and
• 27:24
  you're able to make them not so low and you're able to take your highs and make them even
• 27:28
  better.
• 27:28
  And that's kind of the goal.
• 27:30
  Is that uptrend?
• 27:30
  It's not eliminating some of those feelings of sadness or depression or anxiety because really
• 27:36
  all of those emotions, like that spectrum of human emotion is what makes us human.
• 27:40
  I don't think, like, I mean, even in your life, like, if you think back to some of the
• 27:43
  difficult or the sad or the frustrating times that you went through, at the end of it, you
• 27:48
  come out stronger and you show yourself what you're capable of and you teach yourself to be
• 27:52
  resilient.
• 27:53
  And so, like, wouldn't you agree that those things, they really help to strengthen us when
• 27:59
  we are able to to deal with them in a way where we have the capacity to to sort of do it, in a
• 28:06
  way where we are able to learn and grow from them.
• 28:08
  For sure.
• 28:09
  And when I I coach or I see people, I still have a practice, I will say to, you know,
• 28:13
  they'll come in and they're down and something's wrong or whatever.
• 28:15
  And I I go to something called an exception.
• 28:17
  I'm sure you probably heard that.
• 28:19
  They, you know, because what do we do as human beings?
• 28:21
  We focus in on what's wrong.
• 28:22
  Mhmm.
• 28:23
  And
• 28:23
  don't lift your head to say, I go, okay.
• 28:25
  Well, tell me about what what are you proud of?
• 28:28
  Well, you know, I've done this.
• 28:29
  I've done that.
• 28:29
  I've done this.
• 28:30
  I have this skill.
• 28:31
  I've done this.
• 28:32
  I run this business.
• 28:33
  I, you know, I, I, I coach.
• 28:34
  I did I'm like, wow, you do all of those things.
• 28:38
  That's amazing.
• 28:39
  Okay.
• 28:39
  So tell me what the issue is again.
• 28:41
  Let's focus on what you came in.
• 28:43
  Well, maybe I'm not getting along with my teenager.
• 28:46
  Okay.
• 28:46
  Perfect.
• 28:47
  Okay.
• 28:47
  Well, let's talk about what kind of things did you do over here that help 2, to be able to get
• 28:53
  along with to see this coworker better.
• 28:55
  Well, I was able to do this that, oh, so what would it take to bring it over here?
• 28:58
  So sometimes it's just having that objective lens to some for somebody else to say, hold up.
• 29:03
  It's really not as as, dier as you think.
• 29:07
  You know, maybe you need to look at the whole picture versus kind of focusing in on the and
• 29:11
  as human beings, because it's protective.
• 29:12
  We wanna we wanna protect.
• 29:14
  Right?
• 29:14
  We wanna make sure we're okay and we're not gonna repeat the pattern.
• 29:17
  But you're so right when you say it.
• 29:19
  I often say it's like, I call it, emotional gymnastics or mental gymnastics.
• 29:24
  Correct?
• 29:24
  Think about it.
• 29:25
  Right?
• 29:25
  Yep.
• 29:26
  Where you do it.
• 29:27
  The more you practice it, then your your your bounce back is a little bit easier.
• 29:30
  Just like if you, you know, if you were gonna go for a run and you haven't ran in a while,
• 29:34
  you're you're gonna start off slow.
• 29:36
  You're gonna do it it at a time and then eventually you, you know, you kind of go from
• 29:40
  there.
• 29:41
  Yeah.
• 29:42
  100%.
• 29:42
  And it's interesting.
• 29:44
  Because our brain, we actually we have a negativity bias.
• 29:47
  So our brain is wired that way because our brain actually and part of the reason that
• 29:50
  we're not as happy as we think we are is because our brain wasn't wired to make us
• 29:54
  happy.
• 29:54
  Our brain was wired for survival.
• 29:56
  So our brain wants us to eat and have shelter and reproduce and pass on our genes.
• 30:02
  That's what it's designed for.
• 30:03
  So if we wanna be happy, we have to work to teach our brain that.
• 30:06
  So we have to rewire our brain because, like, for example, if you got 10 great compliments
• 30:11
  today, and one person said a negative thing about you.
• 30:14
  When you go to bed at night, chances are, what's the one thing that's in your head?
• 30:17
  Like, what happened there?
• 30:19
  What what did I do?
• 30:20
  Was it something about me?
• 30:21
  Was it not, you know, of course, you're you're you're so right, and it's a survivability,
• 30:25
  right, the the brain and the body is constantly scanning.
• 30:29
  We know that from a anthropological perspective to kinda make sure that we're gonna stay alive.
• 30:34
  I'm gonna I gotta be okay.
• 30:35
  And when people start to recognize it and they learn, like you said, from, you know, what we
• 30:40
  know about neuroscience, which is such a blessing in the field, you know, when I
• 30:44
  started, say, 25 years ago, there wasn't that much research that was vetted in psychology,
• 30:49
  and now we have it.
• 30:50
  Which ad health, which is fantastic.
• 30:53
  We couldn't show it before.
• 30:54
  Now we can actually prove the things that we knew.
• 30:57
  We're already happening within relationship.
• 30:59
  And those types of things.
• 31:01
  So, Julian, I know you are writing a book.
• 31:04
  Right?
• 31:04
  Correct?
• 31:05
  Yeah.
• 31:05
  Okay.
• 31:06
  So why don't we talk a little bit about that?
• 31:08
  Because I think from what I remember you saying briefly is that a lot of it's gonna be based on
• 31:13
  on your, dissertation from your PhD is go.
• 31:16
  So When do you do you have a working title?
• 31:19
  When kind of is it supposed to be coming out?
• 31:21
  I'm sure people are listening are probably excited to to know about it.
• 31:26
  Yeah.
• 31:26
  So I'm, I'm my PhD.
• 31:28
  So I spent 4 years writing this, I don't know, it's, like, six hundred pages or something.
• 31:32
  It's really long.
• 31:33
  Dissertation.
• 31:34
  And and the content is really great.
• 31:36
  And a lot of the research in it, it's really in it could help a lot of people.
• 31:41
  And yet, Academic writing can be very dry and boring.
• 31:45
  And so I'm I'm essentially kind of taking a lot of the research and the data from my PhD and
• 31:51
  changing it and making it interesting to read, making the languaging a bit more fun.
• 31:56
  And, then I'm going to do that.
• 31:59
  It's I'm traditionally publishing my book, so, it's it's a long road.
• 32:03
  So it'll probably be about 2 years or so before at the earliest that it'll see the light of
• 32:07
  day.
• 32:08
  And the title is still I'm waiting for it to evolve from what I'm doing.
• 32:12
  I'm waiting for that.
• 32:13
  You know how people when they have a title, they're like, oh, just came to me.
• 32:15
  I'm waiting for that moment.
• 32:17
  So, as I'm working, I'm kind of letting things percolate.
• 32:21
  And, yeah, so I'm excited for that to, to sort of learn the book process.
• 32:25
  And I'm sort of at the beginning, phase of that a little bit right now and, going through and
• 32:30
  doing the book proposal right now.
• 32:32
  So, yeah.
• 32:34
  So for people that are listening, so basically you speak, where could they get hold of you to
• 32:40
  be able to you know, if they're wanting to reach out to you to consult to see if your
• 32:45
  fits, for their organization or things like that, where would you want them to reach out to
• 32:50
  you?
• 32:51
  Yeah.
• 32:51
  So I do I do a lot of speaking, corporate speaking as well as schools and at events,
• 32:57
  conferences, a whole bunch of different stuff.
• 32:59
  I also do some more sort of smaller group workshop y, or more, more intimate settings as
• 33:06
  well.
• 33:07
  And anything, any information, if you have questions about anything or you wanna learn
• 33:11
  more, my website is the best place to go.
• 33:13
  You can get ahold of me there through the contact page.
• 33:15
  You can read some of my talk descriptions and things like that, and that's all at
• 33:19
  jillianmandich.com.
• 33:20
  So it's gillianmandychdot well.
• 33:27
  Perfect.
• 33:27
  And that link will be at the bottom when we put out, the podcast, Julian.
• 33:31
  So I'm sure people will reach out to Thanks so much for spending the time.
• 33:36
  So, again, what we would do we know about happiness?
• 33:38
  Remember, 40% is up to you.
• 33:41
  And, you know, that is such a refreshing, piece of research to hear out loud and that it's such
• 33:48
  a combination effect.
• 33:49
  There's no pill And, it's about you really spending the time, and and spending the time
• 33:57
  often enough, like like Julian says, not just once, you know, already kinda start to
• 34:01
  recognize, you know, that when you get that feeling in your body and it's so hard, like you
• 34:06
  said, like, you know, we know when we're happy and we know when we're unhappy.
• 34:11
  So, you know, spend time and to Jillian's point spend time and don't ruminate aliens.
• 34:17
  And what I have to say to sometimes set a timer on your phone or your microwave for say 10
• 34:23
  minutes and feel pretty bad and then come out of it and say, what can I learn from it?
• 34:27
  And when you're happy, just jotted down.
• 34:29
  What are the things that I did?
• 34:31
  What were what was different about me?
• 34:33
  How was I thinking?
• 34:34
  How was I feeling?
• 34:35
  All those things that you have this, you know, awesome space within yourself to be able to go
• 34:40
  in and learn from.
• 34:42
  So, again, you know, exciting stuff, Doctor Happy, like we will call you from now on.
• 34:48
  And, thanks so much for taking the time and for anyone wanting more information on me, know,
• 34:54
  I'm a mental health and wellness expert.
• 34:57
  I speak in and coach, and I would love to connect with you.
• 35:00
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
• 35:06
  healthy change.
• 35:07
  Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
• 35:14
  rocksandirhaj.com/blueprint.
• 35:18
  We'll see you next time.
• 35:20
  Living with Roxanne.