Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 342. Work Anxiety and Feelings of Inadequacy at Work

Transcript

342. Work Anxiety and Feelings of Inadequacy at Work · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:00
Speaker 1: Had low beautiful beans, and welcome to the episode of today.
0:03
Speaker 1: So in today's episode, I'm going to be talking about listen.
0:08
Speaker 1: I haven't actually come up with the title of the episode.
0:10
Speaker 1: I do this all the time, but basically it's roughly
0:13
Speaker 1: around feelings of inferiority or imposter syndrome, specifically around work,
0:18
Speaker 1: like this work anxiety. And the reason I came up
0:21
Speaker 1: with the idea of this episode is actually because I
0:24
Speaker 1: had a listener right in with this question and I
0:27
Speaker 1: was going to answer it on a head noise episode.
0:30
Speaker 1: But it's actually a question that I've been DMed a
0:32
Speaker 1: lot about, and I've had emails similar to this, where
0:35
Speaker 1: it's specific anxiety around work, Like this person feels confident
0:41
Speaker 1: in other areas of their life, they don't lack self
0:43
Speaker 1: esteem in other areas. It is just this feeling of
0:47
Speaker 1: doom around their abilities at work. Okay, So I thought
0:51
Speaker 1: this is really interesting because a lot of the time
0:53
Speaker 1: when I talk about your emotions and kind of curbing
0:56
Speaker 1: your emotions in how you feel, it's very much universal feelings,
0:59
Speaker 1: like I think insecure, but in all areas of my
1:01
Speaker 1: life where I feel, you know, anxious, in a lot
1:04
Speaker 1: of areas of my life. So I think this is
1:05
Speaker 1: a really, really, really good topic to talk about because
1:08
Speaker 1: it's targeting specific feelings on a specific or within a
1:13
Speaker 1: specific category in your life. So I think that hopefully
1:17
Speaker 1: this will be really beneficial if you are one of
1:19
Speaker 1: these people. And when it comes to work, I think
1:21
Speaker 1: a lot of people feel this anxiety around their performance
1:25
Speaker 1: at work, thinking that it's not good enough. It's just
1:28
Speaker 1: not meeting the standards that they need to be meeting,
1:30
Speaker 1: even if they get praise, and it's something that needs
1:35
Speaker 1: to be addressed because you're just gonna suffer and you're
1:38
Speaker 1: gonna take that with you no matter what job you
1:40
Speaker 1: go to unless you address the issue at hand. So
1:43
Speaker 1: that is the topic of today's episode. Do I have
1:48
Speaker 1: a life update? Look? Not really, life is good, all
1:54
Speaker 1: is well, my jet lag I believe has been cured.
1:57
Speaker 1: And yeah, that's about it. So I'm just going to
2:00
Speaker 1: dive straight into it because I do have a brain fact,
2:03
Speaker 1: and the brain fact of today is Gabba, which I've
2:08
Speaker 1: spoken about it thousand times, but specifically I want to
2:11
Speaker 1: talk about the role of GABBA within anxiety and why
2:15
Speaker 1: GABBA is the neurotransmitter that is responsible for suppressing unwanted
2:22
Speaker 1: thoughts wild Okay, so we literally have pinpointed the neurotransmitter,
2:28
Speaker 1: which is the major inhibitory neurotransmitter that is responsible for
2:32
Speaker 1: inhibiting unwanted thoughts. So basically what I mean by that
2:35
Speaker 1: is where you intentionally want to inhibit an unwanted thought.
2:39
Speaker 1: And an example of this is, Wow, I'm starting to
2:43
Speaker 1: think really negative thoughts. Let's switch my focus, let's focus
2:45
Speaker 1: on something else, Let's not think about that anymore. And
2:48
Speaker 1: to actually be able to do that. The opposite of
2:51
Speaker 1: that is spiraling thoughts, anxious thoughts, where you're just going round,
2:55
Speaker 1: around and round catastrophic thoughts, and it's really difficult to
2:58
Speaker 1: not think about the thing that you don't want to
3:00
Speaker 1: think about. Okay, So this is pretty cool that we
3:03
Speaker 1: know exactly what is going on, not just the brain
3:06
Speaker 1: regions that are involved, but also the neurochemicals that are
3:09
Speaker 1: necessary for that action to take place or to unfold.
3:13
Speaker 1: So let's just do a little rundown on Gaba. And
3:17
Speaker 1: I think it's important for me to quickly cover Gabba
3:20
Speaker 1: again because I've covered it back back back in the day,
3:24
Speaker 1: and now I refer back to Gabba all the time.
3:26
Speaker 1: But let's do a little refresh because I probably spoke
3:28
Speaker 1: about it in depth, maybe over two years ago, and
3:31
Speaker 1: I don't want you having to troll through over three
3:33
Speaker 1: hundred and forty episodes to find it. So GABBA stands
3:38
Speaker 1: for gamma amino butyic acid. Okay, it's a neurotransmitter. It
3:43
Speaker 1: has a structure of an amino acid, so it is
3:46
Speaker 1: commonly referred to as an amino acid neurotransmitter. That's just
3:51
Speaker 1: random information that you probably don't need to know. It
3:53
Speaker 1: is synthesized from glutamate and it's catalyzed by the enzyme
3:59
Speaker 1: known as glutenamic acid decard box olase in the mature brain.
4:04
Speaker 1: And when I say the mature brain, I'm referring to
4:06
Speaker 1: the adult brain because I'm not talking about the developmental brain.
4:08
Speaker 1: In the adult mature brain, it is the major inhibitory neurotransmitter.
4:13
Speaker 1: So we've got excitatory neurotransmitters, and they are neurotransmitters that
4:18
Speaker 1: bring on excitation or action potentials in neurons. It causes
4:21
Speaker 1: something to fire, and then you've got inhibitory neurotransmitters, which
4:25
Speaker 1: causes the neuron to not fire, so it suppresses firing
4:29
Speaker 1: it inhibits action potentials. Okay. An action potential is basically
4:34
Speaker 1: a neuron firing, which is what causes an action or
4:37
Speaker 1: a thought or a movement, whatever it is that the
4:41
Speaker 1: brain needs to do. Okay. So basically GABBA it reduces
4:47
Speaker 1: excitability within the brain, and if you do not have
4:50
Speaker 1: enough naturally produced GABBA just in general, then you're someone
4:54
Speaker 1: who's overly excitable, overly stimulated, or overly stressed or anxious.
5:00
Speaker 1: So the way it works is that GABA binds to
5:03
Speaker 1: nerve cells and basically does something called hyper polarizes them,
5:07
Speaker 1: so they don't become excited. Also they don't fire. So
5:15
Speaker 1: we've got two kinds of recept GABA receptors. You've got
5:17
Speaker 1: Gaba A receptor and Gabba B receptor. So when GABBA
5:21
Speaker 1: binds to this Gabba A receptor, I mainly talk about
5:25
Speaker 1: Gaba A receptors because a lot of drugs at work
5:28
Speaker 1: on the Gaba A receptor. But when GAVA binds to
5:30
Speaker 1: the Gaba A receptor on a cell membrane, so it's
5:33
Speaker 1: basically a receptor for GABBA. It binds onto that little
5:37
Speaker 1: receptor on a cell membrane. That particular cell membrane happens
5:41
Speaker 1: to be permeable to something called negatively charged ion ions. Okay,
5:47
Speaker 1: so don't overthink it. But basically it allows negatively charged
5:51
Speaker 1: chloride ions to flow into the cell. Okay. When this happens,
5:57
Speaker 1: it causes something called hyper polarizations. You've got a lot
5:59
Speaker 1: of negatively charged chloride ions flowing into the cell, which
6:03
Speaker 1: means that that neuron is not going to fire, or
6:06
Speaker 1: it reduces the likelihood of that neuron firing significantly. Okay,
6:11
Speaker 1: so it binds. You get GABA binds to that pocket.
6:14
Speaker 1: The channel opens, It allows an influx of these negatively
6:17
Speaker 1: charged ions, and then you don't get an action potential.
6:20
Speaker 1: You don't get that cell firing. Drugs that try to
6:25
Speaker 1: relax you or calm you down, like benzos, alcohol acts
6:30
Speaker 1: on that same receptor as GABBA. So GABBA, which is
6:35
Speaker 1: endogenously produced, that is your body makes it, has a receptor.
6:39
Speaker 1: But then there's other drugs that combine to that same receptor,
6:42
Speaker 1: which causes the same action, allows the influx of these
6:45
Speaker 1: negatively charged ions, and then of course you're not having excitability,
6:49
Speaker 1: and that is where you get this relaxed feeling when
6:53
Speaker 1: you drink alcohol. When you take these sedative drugs. You
6:57
Speaker 1: feel calm, you feel relaxed, you feel loose. That's gabba.
7:01
Speaker 1: That's what gaba does. It reduces excitability, and it is
7:05
Speaker 1: also known as a depressant because it is depressing activity
7:10
Speaker 1: within the central nervous system. It doesn't make you depressed,
7:14
Speaker 1: it just depresses reduces activity. That's what is meant when
7:18
Speaker 1: you call a drug a depressant. It's got nothing to
7:20
Speaker 1: do with your emotions. It's purely got to do with
7:22
Speaker 1: the levels of activity, versus a stimulant which will increase
7:26
Speaker 1: your activity. Cool Gababe receptors similar action, but it's you're
7:32
Speaker 1: working on a different receptor, and it causes the opening
7:35
Speaker 1: of a potassium channel, and it also hyperpolarizes the cell,
7:38
Speaker 1: but through a slightly different mechanism. Anyway, what we have
7:42
Speaker 1: seen so now we know what GABA does. If you've
7:44
Speaker 1: got high levels of naturally occurring GABA within the body,
7:47
Speaker 1: or you're producing healthy levels of GABA within the body,
7:50
Speaker 1: then you're seeing someone who is less likely to be
7:53
Speaker 1: stressed or anxious, or excitable or irritable. You're more relaxed,
7:59
Speaker 1: You're able to self sue, They're able to relax and
8:01
Speaker 1: do all of the above. Now, I was reading some
8:04
Speaker 1: really interesting papers or articles, i should say, and they
8:09
Speaker 1: found that elevated activity specifically in the Hippo campus. Now,
8:14
Speaker 1: the Hippo campus is that part of the brain that's
8:16
Speaker 1: linked to memory, memory consolidation, memory formation, retrieval, all of
8:19
Speaker 1: that elevated activity in general, just activity in the Hippo
8:24
Speaker 1: campus is seen in a range of conditions. So we've
8:26
Speaker 1: got PTSD, anxiety, chronic depression, and schizophrenia. We see that
8:34
Speaker 1: all these conditions share the same pathological inability to control thoughts. Okay,
8:41
Speaker 1: So in this region of the brain that's got to
8:43
Speaker 1: do with memory, we're seeing increased excitability, a reduction in
8:48
Speaker 1: this ability to inhibit thoughts okay or inhibit actions. Right.
8:54
Speaker 1: So there's low levels of GABBA concentration in these areas,
8:59
Speaker 1: and then we're seeing this link between that high level
9:03
Speaker 1: of activity in that area of the brain with these
9:06
Speaker 1: mood disorders where there is an inability to control thoughts
9:10
Speaker 1: and thoughts are worrying, intrusive thoughts, or ruminating thoughts. And
9:14
Speaker 1: scientists found that GABBA concentrations within the Hippa campus in
9:18
Speaker 1: the area involved in memory, predict people's ability to block
9:24
Speaker 1: retrieval and prevent thoughts from returning anxious thoughts. So basically,
9:29
Speaker 1: GABA helps us stop unwanted thoughts, which I think is
9:32
Speaker 1: really interesting. And people with schizophrenia have a very hyperactive
9:37
Speaker 1: hippo campus or hippo campire because there's two in the brain.
9:40
Speaker 1: There's two hemispheres of the brain, so there's double almost everything,
9:44
Speaker 1: and that is strongly correlated with intrusive thoughts and in
9:48
Speaker 1: this case hallucinations as well due to the lack of
9:51
Speaker 1: regulation of GABBA in the area. So we're seeing this
9:55
Speaker 1: massive link between a deficit of GABBA and the action
9:59
Speaker 1: that GABA can have and an inability to block intrusive
10:02
Speaker 1: thoughts or even hallucinations in extreme cases. Okay, so what
10:06
Speaker 1: you're having is you've got when you're trying to control
10:08
Speaker 1: a thought, You've got your prefrontal cortex, which is your
10:10
Speaker 1: executive function, your forward planning, all of that, which is
10:14
Speaker 1: right behind your forehead bone. And then you've got so
10:18
Speaker 1: that's you know, like conscious processing, the prefrontal cortex will
10:22
Speaker 1: send a signal to the rest of the brain like
10:24
Speaker 1: I don't want to think this thought, let's stop thinking
10:26
Speaker 1: that thought. But the issue here is not that the
10:28
Speaker 1: prefrontal cortex isn't working. Is that when that message is
10:32
Speaker 1: sent those areas, if the brain where there's not enough
10:34
Speaker 1: GABBA to perform the action to inhibit, can't actually perform
10:38
Speaker 1: the action. So you actually need two things going on.
10:41
Speaker 1: You need a strong enough control over your prefrontal cortex,
10:44
Speaker 1: but then you also need to make sure that you've
10:46
Speaker 1: got high enough levels of GABA to be able to
10:48
Speaker 1: carry out the action that the prefrontal cortex is trying
10:50
Speaker 1: to carry out in other areas of the brain. Okay, now,
10:53
Speaker 1: how do we increase gabba. There's a whole bunch of
10:57
Speaker 1: ways that you can increase gabba. Of course, there are
10:59
Speaker 1: pharmaceuticautical avenues you can take prescribed by a doctor. There
11:05
Speaker 1: are gabba supplements you can take. There are physical exercise
11:10
Speaker 1: is a great way of increasing gaba. Physical exercise is
11:13
Speaker 1: one of the best ways to improve homeostasis within the brain,
11:16
Speaker 1: and homeostasis is getting that right balance of everything within
11:19
Speaker 1: the brain. Then you've got fermented foods, eating vitamin B
11:24
Speaker 1: six rich foods, elthy andine so green tea is really good,
11:28
Speaker 1: yoga and massively meditation as well. So all these things
11:32
Speaker 1: are going to be really good in increasing GABA, or
11:35
Speaker 1: in I should say, not necessarily just increasing GABBA, but
11:39
Speaker 1: in improving healthy levels of GABA within the brain. So
11:43
Speaker 1: that is to say that if you're somebody that has
11:45
Speaker 1: really healthy levels of GABA within your brain, you meditating
11:48
Speaker 1: and exercising isn't going to make you a sedated sloth.
11:51
Speaker 1: You're still going to have that homeostasis within the brain.
11:53
Speaker 1: That's the beauty of it. However, if I was to
11:55
Speaker 1: drink all this alcohol, then I would become a really
11:58
Speaker 1: sloppy thing, you know. So that's why behaviorally, if you
12:01
Speaker 1: can do all these behavioral changes, that's the best way
12:03
Speaker 1: to begin, and then you can go down the pharmaceutical
12:06
Speaker 1: route if need be. And that's something that you would
12:09
Speaker 1: have to discuss with your doctor anyway. That is the
12:12
Speaker 1: brain factor of today. I found that really interesting, especially
12:16
Speaker 1: the part about how GABBA is directly related to inhibiting
12:21
Speaker 1: or a lack of GABBA is related to the inability
12:23
Speaker 1: to inhibit unwanted thoughts. Very cool. Now let's get straight
12:27
Speaker 1: into the podcast topic of the day. And like I said,
12:32
Speaker 1: I did have someone right into me, so I thought
12:35
Speaker 1: I'd read out what she wrote and then we will
12:37
Speaker 1: get into it because I've got five major points that
12:41
Speaker 1: i want to hit, and within each major point, we're
12:43
Speaker 1: going to break it down a little bit further with
12:45
Speaker 1: more questions. A lot of my podcasts circle around asking,
12:49
Speaker 1: getting yourself to ask yourself a lot of questions. One
12:53
Speaker 1: of the best ways to learn, relearn, redirect your brain
12:57
Speaker 1: is to ask yourself the questionquestions. Okay, it's all well
13:01
Speaker 1: and good for me to tell you something, but it's
13:03
Speaker 1: very You learn a lot about yourself when you ask
13:06
Speaker 1: these questions and answer them to yourself. Okay, so here's
13:09
Speaker 1: the listener question. Hi, Alexis your podcast has given me
13:13
Speaker 1: so much clarity. I have incorporated eye spats and sauna
13:16
Speaker 1: into my daily routines and it has helped me so
13:18
Speaker 1: much to regulate my nervous system. Love this. I have
13:21
Speaker 1: a question about anxiety that relates to only one aspect
13:25
Speaker 1: of my life. I'm the most confident person in some
13:28
Speaker 1: respects at home with friends, when I dance in brackets,
13:32
Speaker 1: i teach dance. It's only at work where I feel
13:36
Speaker 1: like an absolute piece of shit. I think we've all
13:40
Speaker 1: fucking been there. I feel I feel inadequate and worthless,
13:44
Speaker 1: and as though I'm going to be fired at any minute.
13:47
Speaker 1: My rational mind knows this is unlikely, as I tend
13:50
Speaker 1: to get good feedback for the work I deliver. I
13:52
Speaker 1: just can't shake this feeling. You might wonder why I
13:56
Speaker 1: don't just find another job, but I find that this
13:58
Speaker 1: feeling follows me no matter what my role is. The
14:01
Speaker 1: last three roles I've had have been completely different to
14:03
Speaker 1: each other, but this feeling of imposter syndrome and the
14:06
Speaker 1: anxiety that comes with it has been constant. I'm so
14:09
Speaker 1: confident on other aspects of life. I teach dance and
14:13
Speaker 1: feel as though I inspire my students and make an
14:15
Speaker 1: impact at home. I love to start DIY projects and
14:18
Speaker 1: love learning new skills to be handy and do repairs.
14:21
Speaker 1: I have a flourishing social life, and my family is great.
14:25
Speaker 1: It's just work that causes this anxious feeling, and I
14:28
Speaker 1: feel as though it's bad for my health to be
14:30
Speaker 1: feeling this way long term. The added pressure of having
14:33
Speaker 1: a mortgage and bills to pay me means I'm constantly
14:36
Speaker 1: in freezer fawn mode. So I'm self sabotaging my own
14:39
Speaker 1: growth and success due to this constant fear that I'm
14:42
Speaker 1: just not good enough. How can I get out of
14:44
Speaker 1: this rut? I know something inside me has to change,
14:47
Speaker 1: as I've tried to change my environment and that has
14:49
Speaker 1: not worked. Thank you for everything you do. That is
14:52
Speaker 1: such a great way to finish what you said, because
14:55
Speaker 1: it's actually something that I've written about in this episode. Well,
15:00
Speaker 1: but literally, you've only got three options. Really, You change
15:04
Speaker 1: your environment, which you've tried to do and it hasn't worked.
15:07
Speaker 1: You change yourself as in your thoughts, how you approach things, whatever,
15:10
Speaker 1: or you stay where you are and suffer. So in
15:13
Speaker 1: this case, and I think in a lot of people's cases,
15:16
Speaker 1: we're gonna be looking at how it is that you
15:18
Speaker 1: can change yourself or your approach to this because really
15:23
Speaker 1: the answer I mean, for some people, and you're going
15:26
Speaker 1: to figure it out by the end of this episode.
15:28
Speaker 1: You might be like, Wow, I'm just in the wrong job.
15:29
Speaker 1: Absolutely should not fucking be here. If I change jobs,
15:32
Speaker 1: it's all going to be fixed. But for the most part,
15:34
Speaker 1: it is very much a mental approach that needs to
15:37
Speaker 1: be changed, an emotional perspective that needs to be changed.
15:41
Speaker 1: So let's start, And like I said, I broke it
15:44
Speaker 1: down into five different categories. So starting with the first one.
15:48
Speaker 1: Number one, I want you to first of all, Okay,
15:52
Speaker 1: before I get into it, here's me going on a
15:54
Speaker 1: fucking tangent. You've got to look at it as if
15:57
Speaker 1: this is something that's been pervasive through all the times
16:00
Speaker 1: you've changed jobs. You've done three jobs already. You've got
16:03
Speaker 1: to look at it, as I've said it a thousand times,
16:05
Speaker 1: like attracts. Like the more you think something, the easier
16:08
Speaker 1: it is to continue thinking something you have created for
16:11
Speaker 1: yourself unintentionally, this habitual way of being, an habitual way
16:16
Speaker 1: of thinking in this one area, and it is very
16:19
Speaker 1: possible to be extremely insecure and unsure about one area
16:22
Speaker 1: of your life, but then really confident and really happy
16:24
Speaker 1: in other areas of your life. Now, before I get
16:27
Speaker 1: into it, I want to give a little example. I
16:29
Speaker 1: was listening to an interview I'm pretty sure it was
16:31
Speaker 1: on diary of a CEO, and a psychiatrist was being
16:35
Speaker 1: interviewed and he spoke about one of his he I'm
16:39
Speaker 1: pretty sure this was in I think the environment was
16:45
Speaker 1: that he was dealing with patients that were like in
16:47
Speaker 1: in house patients in a hospital, and he was talking
16:50
Speaker 1: about this one patient that he had who really really
16:52
Speaker 1: struggled with her self esteem, hated what she saw in
16:55
Speaker 1: the mirror. I hated so many aspects about herself as
16:57
Speaker 1: far as self esteem goes. So then he decided, why
17:00
Speaker 1: don't I ask her what she's good at or what
17:02
Speaker 1: she likes doing. And then she started talking about she
17:06
Speaker 1: loves animals, and she her you know, her eyes lit
17:09
Speaker 1: up when she, you know, wants to care for animals
17:11
Speaker 1: want so then he gave her the responsibility of looking
17:13
Speaker 1: after the animals that were on the wood. I hope
17:15
Speaker 1: I'm not butchering the story, but it's very close to this.
17:18
Speaker 1: And so she started taking care of the birds and
17:21
Speaker 1: taking care of the cat that lived there, and he
17:23
Speaker 1: said that she when her focus shifted to something else,
17:27
Speaker 1: he completely transformed. So here's an example of somebody who
17:29
Speaker 1: in one area is really really struggling and really suffering,
17:32
Speaker 1: but then other areas is completely blossoming. And you can
17:35
Speaker 1: use both things to bridge the gap and bring the
17:38
Speaker 1: good of other things into the part of your life
17:41
Speaker 1: that you're really suffering, and it can help you increase
17:43
Speaker 1: your overall confidence and happiness overall. Okay, so I'm gonna
17:46
Speaker 1: preface this everything that's coming up with that. So number one,
17:51
Speaker 1: look for triggers that make this feeling a rise, okay,
17:57
Speaker 1: or that make this feeling worse. And it's really important
18:02
Speaker 1: to pay attention to when this feeling is at its worst. So,
18:06
Speaker 1: for example, ask yourself these questions. Are you comparing yourself
18:09
Speaker 1: to your peers slash coworkers and feeling that you're not
18:13
Speaker 1: at that level? So are you more likely to feel
18:16
Speaker 1: inadequate when compared to other people's work if you were
18:22
Speaker 1: just working on your own project? Do you feel pretty
18:24
Speaker 1: comfortable so or is it the other way around? Are
18:27
Speaker 1: you really comfortable in a teamwork environment, but the moment
18:30
Speaker 1: you get delegated a task to do on your own,
18:32
Speaker 1: you crumble? So what is or it could be something
18:35
Speaker 1: completely different. When I'm working alongside my boss, I feel
18:39
Speaker 1: really confident, I feel like, you know, I'm constantly getting
18:42
Speaker 1: feedback and we're working on something together. But when my
18:45
Speaker 1: boss isn't there, I feel really bad. Or is it
18:47
Speaker 1: the other way round? Okay, So that's a potential trigger.
18:51
Speaker 1: Another one is do you feel like you need to
18:54
Speaker 1: be further ahead? Is that's what's causing it? Because there's
18:58
Speaker 1: always going to be peaks where the feeling is the
19:01
Speaker 1: worst I can imagine, just based on how our emotions operate,
19:06
Speaker 1: that the intensity of this feeling is not constant and ongoing.
19:09
Speaker 1: There's going to be certain moments that spike that feeling
19:12
Speaker 1: of inadequacy within your job. Okay, do you not fit
19:17
Speaker 1: in socially at work? And this then makes you feel
19:21
Speaker 1: not good enough in areas regarding work, because if you
19:25
Speaker 1: feel that you are a misfit as far as your
19:28
Speaker 1: work community environment goes, that is going to possibly shake
19:33
Speaker 1: your confidence in the work that you're producing. Have you
19:37
Speaker 1: had bad experiences in your past and when you recall
19:41
Speaker 1: these bad experiences, it affects your current work or how
19:45
Speaker 1: you feel about your current work. So, for example, if
19:50
Speaker 1: I look at my podcast and I think about the
19:53
Speaker 1: best performing episodes, and I think about the live show,
19:56
Speaker 1: when I think about interactions I've had with listeners in person,
19:59
Speaker 1: and I think think about episodes that have even released
20:03
Speaker 1: as an encore that's performed even better than my regular episodes,
20:06
Speaker 1: then I'm thinking, oh, you know this, I'm killing it.
20:08
Speaker 1: I'm this on that. If I then look at my
20:10
Speaker 1: data and I focus on a week where the downloads
20:12
Speaker 1: were really low, and I start to look at those
20:14
Speaker 1: episodes and I listen to it and I try and
20:16
Speaker 1: pick it apart and why this episode? Then I can
20:19
Speaker 1: feel really shit about my work. So focusing on the
20:23
Speaker 1: times that you don't think you performed can actually paint
20:26
Speaker 1: all your performance with quite a negative brush, and vice versa.
20:30
Speaker 1: Focusing on the times that you have excelled, that you've
20:32
Speaker 1: done well, doesn't take away the times you didn't perform,
20:35
Speaker 1: but it minimizes it significantly. And it's just like a
20:37
Speaker 1: little blip on your radar. But it's not like I'm
20:39
Speaker 1: a failure. You just think, oh, yeah, that wasn't that great,
20:41
Speaker 1: But look at all this good shit that I've done.
20:43
Speaker 1: I'm fucking on top of the world. Okay. So a
20:44
Speaker 1: lot of it comes down to what are you focusing on,
20:46
Speaker 1: And if you're thinking about a negative experience in your
20:50
Speaker 1: work history, it is likely to make you feel shit
20:54
Speaker 1: about other things that you're not one hundred percent confident on.
20:57
Speaker 1: And if you are thinking about something in the past,
21:01
Speaker 1: ask yourself, why did that happen and how is it
21:06
Speaker 1: different from your current scenario. Because I can think of
21:08
Speaker 1: many scenarios in my past in different careers where things
21:12
Speaker 1: went wrong for me, things didn't go well where people
21:14
Speaker 1: outperformed me significantly, and I can look at it and say, oh,
21:17
Speaker 1: the reason it didn't do well is because maybe I
21:19
Speaker 1: wasn't as prepared I you know, whatever it was, there's
21:24
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of things why something maybe didn't go
21:26
Speaker 1: right for me. And then I'm able to say, well,
21:27
Speaker 1: it's different to this job or to what I'm doing
21:30
Speaker 1: now because either I'm more experienced, I learned from that mistake,
21:34
Speaker 1: I've changed industries into something that suits me a lot
21:37
Speaker 1: more So. When you start analyzing things with a more
21:40
Speaker 1: critical mind and a more analytical mind, it takes you
21:45
Speaker 1: out of this universal thought of everything I do at
21:48
Speaker 1: work is just not good enough. I'm just inadequate. It
21:50
Speaker 1: really helps you pull yourself out of it and look
21:52
Speaker 1: at it in an unbiased way where you're like, yeah,
21:55
Speaker 1: I could have done better at that, but I was
21:56
Speaker 1: pretty good at that, and so you kind of you know,
21:59
Speaker 1: you're looking at it in a in a healthy critical way. Okay,
22:02
Speaker 1: not like self criticizing, but like a well, like a
22:05
Speaker 1: healthy critique basically, and when are these feelings arising? So again,
22:13
Speaker 1: in category one, when we're looking at these triggers, ask
22:16
Speaker 1: yourself number five. When are these feelings arising? Is it
22:21
Speaker 1: every single day? Is it only when you're at work?
22:25
Speaker 1: And then when you leave work, you're now, I feel
22:27
Speaker 1: really good, I'm feeling great, I feel amazing. Is it
22:30
Speaker 1: when you're working on particular projects? You've got to think
22:35
Speaker 1: how often are these feelings arising? And when? Pinpoint when
22:39
Speaker 1: it happens. The better you can get at pinpointing when
22:43
Speaker 1: these things arise, not only do you remove yourself from
22:46
Speaker 1: being in the emotion, but you take yourself out to
22:48
Speaker 1: be looking at the emotion. That's very different from living
22:51
Speaker 1: the emotion and observing the emotion. We're trying to observe
22:55
Speaker 1: the moment. You observe, you minimize the power that that
22:59
Speaker 1: emotion and has over you. Okay, so there's a very
23:02
Speaker 1: big difference from being like I'm gonna analyze where this
23:06
Speaker 1: came from, why I'm feeling this way whatever, versus like,
23:09
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm anxious. I'm anxious, and I'm anxious
23:11
Speaker 1: because I'm just so shit at this and that I
23:14
Speaker 1: notice the difference. One is I'm feeling my anxiety more
23:18
Speaker 1: and one is I'm just going to pay attention to
23:20
Speaker 1: where what could have caused this and where it's coming from.
23:22
Speaker 1: And is this true? Is it not true? Can I
23:25
Speaker 1: argue for? Can I argue against? So make sure that
23:28
Speaker 1: you are looking at it and not getting deeper in
23:31
Speaker 1: it by feeling it even more. The next thing, So
23:35
Speaker 1: basically what I'm saying is when you answer all these questions,
23:38
Speaker 1: it's really going to help you pull yourself out of
23:40
Speaker 1: it and be more analytical and instantly already you're going
23:43
Speaker 1: to feel a lot calmer about what you're doing. Category
23:47
Speaker 1: number two, when do you feel confident at work? This
23:52
Speaker 1: is a very important category and it's really important to
23:55
Speaker 1: delve right into it. Okay, I want you to identify
23:59
Speaker 1: the time that work does feel good, because there has
24:03
Speaker 1: to be a level that it does feel good, especially
24:06
Speaker 1: like so this person that wrote in, they say that
24:08
Speaker 1: they get generally good feedback for the work that they deliver. Okay,
24:12
Speaker 1: So surely when you're getting good feedback, that feels good. Surely,
24:17
Speaker 1: when you've delivered the work and you know it's up
24:19
Speaker 1: to the standard, that's going to feel good. I've finished
24:21
Speaker 1: that project, that feels good. So identify those times that
24:24
Speaker 1: it feels good, and then also identify the things that
24:27
Speaker 1: you like at work. Is it when I'm working in
24:28
Speaker 1: a team. Do I prefer working at home alone on
24:31
Speaker 1: a project? Is it? Do I feel good when I
24:34
Speaker 1: get regular praise? Or am I someone that doesn't really
24:36
Speaker 1: really need regular praise? But I feel good when I
24:39
Speaker 1: notice progress on a certain project that I'm working on.
24:43
Speaker 1: Are there certain areas if you work that you love
24:45
Speaker 1: doing and other areas that you don't like doing? Okay?
24:47
Speaker 1: Maybe you're confident in one task but not confident in
24:50
Speaker 1: another task. So you need to identify what it is
24:53
Speaker 1: that you actually like and what you feel good in.
24:57
Speaker 1: I want you to get really clear on your current
24:59
Speaker 1: beliefs systems at work, the good beliefs and the bad beliefs,
25:03
Speaker 1: and when possible, either right now or when they're cropping up,
25:07
Speaker 1: I want you to write them down. Get very well
25:09
Speaker 1: acquainted with your belief system around your work. Okay, because
25:14
Speaker 1: it is okay to be like, I am just not
25:17
Speaker 1: good at that one thing. It's just not something I'm
25:19
Speaker 1: good at, and my strengths in every other area are
25:23
Speaker 1: enough to pull that other part up, and that's okay.
25:26
Speaker 1: So for example, when I used to teach pilate, is
25:28
Speaker 1: I knew that the thing I was the best at
25:30
Speaker 1: by far, by far was my class plans and my
25:34
Speaker 1: performance during the class. I was really confident in that
25:38
Speaker 1: I loved it. I spent all my time and effort
25:40
Speaker 1: into perfecting that. I really worked hard for it, and
25:43
Speaker 1: I really ripped the rewards from it. I really enjoyed it.
25:46
Speaker 1: Then there were other aspects that I wasn't that great at.
25:48
Speaker 1: I wasn't organized, I was terrible with names, and these
25:53
Speaker 1: are things that other trainers would put in their effort
25:55
Speaker 1: in and they'd be really good at names that remember
25:57
Speaker 1: every face that they would say. And so I genuinely,
26:01
Speaker 1: because I was so happy with other areas of my work,
26:03
Speaker 1: I could confidently say, this is areas that I need
26:06
Speaker 1: improving on. I'm actually probably the worst in the team
26:09
Speaker 1: at this, and I do need to get better at it.
26:11
Speaker 1: But because I was so sure about what I loved
26:14
Speaker 1: about my performance, it wasn't crippling at all. I was
26:16
Speaker 1: able to be like, yeah, that needs work, for sure,
26:19
Speaker 1: but I also can see that my strengths are enough
26:21
Speaker 1: to hold me up in this position that I have. Okay,
26:24
Speaker 1: so where are you good at? What are you good at?
26:27
Speaker 1: Identify it, get really clear on it, and whenever possible,
26:32
Speaker 1: talk to your supervisor or your boss or your manager
26:34
Speaker 1: about it. Lean into your strengths. Just sound really good
26:38
Speaker 1: at this. I know I'm fucking good at it. Can
26:40
Speaker 1: I do more work in this or what can I
26:42
Speaker 1: do so I can lean further into this kind of task.
26:44
Speaker 1: I'm great at it, and I need more work on this,
26:49
Speaker 1: and just I think it's really important to speak to
26:52
Speaker 1: your boss and let them know that you know where
26:55
Speaker 1: your strengths are and also where your weaknesses are, but
26:58
Speaker 1: not in a way where you're pulling yourself down really
27:00
Speaker 1: about it. I just say this needs more work, and
27:03
Speaker 1: I'm aware of that. However, I'm really fucking good at this,
27:05
Speaker 1: So if you could give me more work on what
27:07
Speaker 1: I excel in, I'd be able to deliver all this
27:09
Speaker 1: stuff because I love doing this. You know. I think
27:12
Speaker 1: that's really impressive for an employer, whether their employers know
27:16
Speaker 1: their strengths and their weaknesses, it's really good and you
27:19
Speaker 1: are going to feel more empowered as well by labeling
27:21
Speaker 1: both those things. The next thing I want you to
27:25
Speaker 1: pay attention to is realize that so insecurity is obviously
27:30
Speaker 1: a lack of a feeling of security. Obviously, hence the
27:35
Speaker 1: word insecurity now that's security. When we feel insecure about something,
27:41
Speaker 1: we are still always seeking to feel secure. And you
27:44
Speaker 1: got to ask yourself, where am I seeking to feel secure?
27:48
Speaker 1: Am I seeking it within myself and not really finding
27:52
Speaker 1: it because I'm still feeling shit about my performance at work?
27:55
Speaker 1: Or am I trying to find it in other people?
27:58
Speaker 1: Because finding your sense of security in other people can
28:02
Speaker 1: be a bit of a slippery slope if you're not
28:04
Speaker 1: on top of it, okay, because it allows for you
28:08
Speaker 1: to become reliant on other people's opinions if you and
28:11
Speaker 1: also reliant on their current mood, even if it's your boss,
28:14
Speaker 1: because I think it's important to get feedback from your
28:16
Speaker 1: boss or your superior or your lead team leader. But
28:20
Speaker 1: to always seek this security or this safety from them
28:25
Speaker 1: can also be detrimental as well, because if they're not
28:28
Speaker 1: in a good mood, or if they're annoyed that you've
28:30
Speaker 1: asked them for the tenth time or whatever, they might not,
28:33
Speaker 1: you know, provide that security for you. So obviously, ideally
28:37
Speaker 1: you want to be the one that can provide that
28:40
Speaker 1: security for yourself. And like I've kind of brushed on before,
28:44
Speaker 1: the best way to provide that security for yourself is
28:47
Speaker 1: to call it how it is. Be good at identifying
28:49
Speaker 1: the good, and be good at identifying where you need improvement.
28:54
Speaker 1: It's not saying I'm terrible at this, I'm shit at this.
28:56
Speaker 1: Is I can improve on this because you're also not
28:58
Speaker 1: an idiot. There's no way that you're in this role excelling, excelling,
29:03
Speaker 1: excelling and feeling, oh my god, this is absolutely terrible.
29:06
Speaker 1: It's absolutely terrible. There's a reason you're feeling the way
29:09
Speaker 1: you're feeling. It could be because of past failures and
29:12
Speaker 1: you're scared that you're going to slip up again. It
29:14
Speaker 1: could be because you've got a lot to lose. And
29:16
Speaker 1: the reason you've got a lot to lose is maybe,
29:17
Speaker 1: like this person, you've got a mortgage, you've got responsibilities,
29:20
Speaker 1: and you're really really scared to lose. There's many reasons
29:22
Speaker 1: that could cause it, but it's not I absolutely should
29:25
Speaker 1: not be in this position. I'm absolutely unqualified for this position.
29:27
Speaker 1: I'm a fraud. I don't know how I got here.
29:29
Speaker 1: You know there's more behind it. So it's really important
29:33
Speaker 1: to be like, where is this stemming from? Okay, and
29:36
Speaker 1: how can I look at it coldly and be like,
29:38
Speaker 1: all right, this is where it's stemming from. I've identified that.
29:41
Speaker 1: This is how I counteract these thoughts with logic, being like, well,
29:45
Speaker 1: I have achieved these things. I have accomplished these things.
29:48
Speaker 1: I've been in this job for X amount of months.
29:49
Speaker 1: I have a good relationship with these people. So when
29:52
Speaker 1: you start leveling out the playing field and bringing in
29:56
Speaker 1: arguments for yourself, and then when you can look at
29:59
Speaker 1: something that you're not good at, look at it, you know,
30:02
Speaker 1: as something that you can work on, or you can
30:03
Speaker 1: improve on, or you can ask for help with, then
30:06
Speaker 1: you start to feel a whole lot more confident in
30:08
Speaker 1: your abilities. What you don't want to be doing is
30:11
Speaker 1: feeling insecure about a certain topic and then avoiding it
30:13
Speaker 1: at all costs, okay, because that's you not becoming acquainted
30:17
Speaker 1: with your limitations. And then that limitation is like haunting you. Okay,
30:22
Speaker 1: you're avoiding it all costs. You don't want to work
30:24
Speaker 1: on it, you don't want to look at it, and
30:25
Speaker 1: then when your boss brings it up, you've got this
30:26
Speaker 1: like paralyzing fear. Better for you to be like that
30:30
Speaker 1: needs work. I'm not the best at that, but I'm
30:32
Speaker 1: really fucking good at that, And I'm just going to
30:34
Speaker 1: voice it to my manager. Okay. You want to show
30:37
Speaker 1: the people around you that you know just as well
30:40
Speaker 1: as they do what your strengths are and what your
30:42
Speaker 1: weaknesses are, and then no one can use it against you,
30:44
Speaker 1: and then it's something that you can talk about improving. Okay.
30:48
Speaker 1: You want to come from a proactive place, not a
30:50
Speaker 1: reactive place. When I look at my weaknesses, I want
30:53
Speaker 1: to come I want to approach it proactively. I want
30:55
Speaker 1: to be like that is a fucking weakness. This aspect
30:58
Speaker 1: cannot be changed because of it's fixed. But this aspect
31:02
Speaker 1: can be changed because it's not fixed, and there's a
31:04
Speaker 1: lot that I can do about it. Okay. Number three
31:08
Speaker 1: are my expectations of myself unrealistic? This is huge. So
31:14
Speaker 1: often we our expectations of ourselves are unrealistic because we
31:17
Speaker 1: don't know exactly where we're headed or where we want
31:20
Speaker 1: to be headed. Ask yourself, Am I clear on what
31:25
Speaker 1: I want to be doing or what I need to
31:28
Speaker 1: be doing in this position? Do I have clarity? If not?
31:33
Speaker 1: Ask for clarity. There is nothing better for an employer
31:38
Speaker 1: to have an employee who can communicate the level of
31:41
Speaker 1: understanding of the job. If you don't have a clear
31:43
Speaker 1: understanding of what your job is. Ask They would much
31:46
Speaker 1: rather you ask than for them to be like, oh
31:49
Speaker 1: they're falling short and I just need just ask. Okay.
31:53
Speaker 1: For me, I like nothing more than when I've thought
31:56
Speaker 1: of communicating something across and then someone says, you know what,
31:58
Speaker 1: I'm not one hundred percent clear on that. Can you
32:00
Speaker 1: explain it again or differently? That to me is like
32:04
Speaker 1: a breath of fresh at because I'm like, now we're
32:05
Speaker 1: definitely gonna understand each other. This is really good because
32:07
Speaker 1: then we can make sure we're on the same page.
32:10
Speaker 1: So do you have clarity, because maybe you don't have
32:12
Speaker 1: clarity and you're expecting all this shit from yourself, but
32:14
Speaker 1: you don't really know what you're doing. Okay, get the clarity,
32:18
Speaker 1: open up a conversation, and then ask yourself, am I
32:23
Speaker 1: expecting more from myself than what this job requires from me? Okay?
32:29
Speaker 1: Sometimes you're thinking that you need to be delivering above
32:32
Speaker 1: and beyond and going above and beyond, which is all
32:34
Speaker 1: well and good if you want to and if that
32:36
Speaker 1: feels good, but you also need to be very clear
32:38
Speaker 1: on what does this role expect from me? And how
32:42
Speaker 1: can I hit those markers and feel good about hitting
32:45
Speaker 1: the markers. Okay, why are you setting the bar so
32:48
Speaker 1: fucking high for yourself? I'm not saying do work that
32:51
Speaker 1: falls short, do your job and do it well, But
32:54
Speaker 1: are you setting these unrealistic expectations for yourself that don't
32:59
Speaker 1: even help you, or are you expecting yourself to be
33:01
Speaker 1: at a certain level way sooner and then that's causing
33:05
Speaker 1: you stress. Can you stretch out the goalpost a little
33:07
Speaker 1: bit further, give yourself a bit more time to adapt
33:09
Speaker 1: to get comfortable. Another thing that's really common is when
33:12
Speaker 1: people start a new job, they feel like a fucking outsider.
33:16
Speaker 1: But everyone feels like an outsider at the start because
33:18
Speaker 1: you haven't integrated into the community. And if you give
33:21
Speaker 1: it a week and you expect it to change, you're
33:23
Speaker 1: gonna feel really, really shit about yourself. But if you
33:26
Speaker 1: give it six months, you're gonna be like, Oh, if
33:29
Speaker 1: only I had just waited and been calmer and nicer
33:32
Speaker 1: and more patient with myself, I would have realized that
33:34
Speaker 1: it takes about six months or five months or however
33:37
Speaker 1: long for each individual to really integrate with the team
33:40
Speaker 1: and feel like I'm finally part of the team. It
33:42
Speaker 1: takes time to form relationships, It takes time for people
33:45
Speaker 1: to get to know you, to get to know your
33:47
Speaker 1: work style, your work ethic, all of the above. So
33:50
Speaker 1: maybe you've your expectations are a little bit too hard
33:53
Speaker 1: on yourself and that is what's causing this anxiety. So
33:57
Speaker 1: to know that, ask yourself, what are my expectations right
34:00
Speaker 1: now and what is my job requirements? Do they align?
34:04
Speaker 1: Because if your expectations are constantly exceeding your job requirements,
34:09
Speaker 1: then you are going to be probably anxious and probably
34:13
Speaker 1: feeling inadequate because you keep making it so difficult for yourself.
34:17
Speaker 1: It's okay to just do what your job requires and
34:21
Speaker 1: feel good about it. Just do it well and feel
34:24
Speaker 1: good about it. Okay, you thinking of it, I've got
34:27
Speaker 1: to be where this person is, or I've got to
34:29
Speaker 1: be getting that promotion right now, or I'd be going
34:31
Speaker 1: to strip it back, especially if you're feeling anxious. If
34:35
Speaker 1: you feel perfectly calm and happy about your job, then yeah,
34:38
Speaker 1: you can start setting the goal up a little bit further.
34:39
Speaker 1: But if you feel inadequate, ask yourself that question, do
34:42
Speaker 1: the two align and if they don't, then be a
34:45
Speaker 1: little bit more patient, be a little bit calmer with
34:46
Speaker 1: yourself and bring your expectations in line with what your
34:49
Speaker 1: job requires. And then when you're comfortable, then you can
34:52
Speaker 1: start extending it a little bit further and further. The
34:55
Speaker 1: fourth thing, and this is what I touched on at
34:56
Speaker 1: the start, is that you either change your situation or
35:00
Speaker 1: your environment, or you change yourself, or of course you
35:03
Speaker 1: change or I mean you stay where you are. They're
35:06
Speaker 1: your options. Okay, So you have become stuck in this
35:11
Speaker 1: pattern of thinking and being, and it's really easy to
35:16
Speaker 1: stay where you are, okay, even if it's unpleasant. We
35:20
Speaker 1: all know it, because most of us find ourselves in
35:24
Speaker 1: a position in one area or in multiple areas in
35:27
Speaker 1: our life that we are not happy with, and we
35:30
Speaker 1: stay in it because it has become an habitual way
35:33
Speaker 1: of being, not because we want it. Okay, we're not stupid.
35:37
Speaker 1: We're not like, oh, I'll just stay here because it
35:40
Speaker 1: absolutely doesn't serve me, and there's all these better options,
35:42
Speaker 1: but I'm just not going to take them. We stay
35:44
Speaker 1: here because it's an ingrained pattern of being. And this
35:48
Speaker 1: is what's happening with your feelings around work. If you
35:50
Speaker 1: are in a job where you know you are hitting
35:53
Speaker 1: the mark, you're getting decent feedback, you're submitting work and
35:59
Speaker 1: it's not getting turned away. You are doing your job
36:02
Speaker 1: obviously in a capacity that means that you're going to
36:05
Speaker 1: maintain your job, and you're still having these feelings. It's
36:09
Speaker 1: because you've created a habit, a pattern of thinking. So
36:13
Speaker 1: now we've got to look at changing the thinker you,
36:16
Speaker 1: not the environment, which is the job, because like this
36:20
Speaker 1: person who wrote in you can change the job three times,
36:23
Speaker 1: they have and it's not really served them in any way,
36:27
Speaker 1: shape or form, and that can actually make it worse.
36:30
Speaker 1: The reason it can make it worse is because you
36:32
Speaker 1: keep running away, running away, running away, running away, and
36:35
Speaker 1: then it feels like that's the only solution, and instead
36:37
Speaker 1: of working on the solution in the moment, in the
36:41
Speaker 1: uncomfortable position that you're in, you're running away. So that
36:44
Speaker 1: can exacerbate the problem. Okay, so we need to focus
36:48
Speaker 1: on circuit breakers to break the circuit off that habit,
36:52
Speaker 1: that habitual way of thinking and being. So we need
36:56
Speaker 1: to number one, identify what's caused the feeling, which we
37:00
Speaker 1: in the first bit, what has caused it, what's the trigger,
37:02
Speaker 1: what's made this worse? Then you always have to ask
37:05
Speaker 1: yourself is this real? Is there evidence to back this feeling?
37:11
Speaker 1: And for the most part you're going to realize not
37:16
Speaker 1: sufficient evidence and not direct evidence because we're talking about
37:20
Speaker 1: direct evidence. Because if and get specific, because you could say,
37:24
Speaker 1: you could say to yourself, I feel really shit about
37:26
Speaker 1: my job. Ask yourself the question, is this a real feeling?
37:29
Speaker 1: Is there evidence? Well, like, yes, there is, I fucking
37:31
Speaker 1: got fired three years ago. There's evidence, But I want
37:34
Speaker 1: to get specific, so I think, Okay, I'm feeling inadequate. Okay,
37:38
Speaker 1: where did this feeling stem from? Well, my boss didn't
37:41
Speaker 1: praise me on the last thing I handed in. Okay,
37:44
Speaker 1: is this is their evidence to show that the work
37:48
Speaker 1: that you did was bad? No, well, my boss didn't
37:50
Speaker 1: say that it was bad. Over I went over my
37:53
Speaker 1: work and I was pretty happy with it. I submitted it.
37:55
Speaker 1: It's at the standard that I always do. So no,
37:57
Speaker 1: there actually isn't any evidence. Okay. And if they it
38:00
Speaker 1: is evidence, how have you gone about it to rectify
38:05
Speaker 1: the problem. And if there is no evidence, what is
38:08
Speaker 1: the counter evidence? So you can feel start to feel
38:12
Speaker 1: better about it, so you can think, well, this is
38:15
Speaker 1: the same standard as the last thing I handed in.
38:17
Speaker 1: And I got praised for the last thing, so obviously
38:19
Speaker 1: it's that's my standard. Now you can think, well, you know,
38:22
Speaker 1: I'm working really well with my team. I've been getting
38:24
Speaker 1: along with them better. You can think, you know, I
38:29
Speaker 1: might not have gotten this exact promotion, but there's other
38:31
Speaker 1: people that have been in the company for longer than me,
38:33
Speaker 1: or might be better prepared than I am. It doesn't
38:36
Speaker 1: mean that I'm at fault. It might just mean that
38:38
Speaker 1: they're better suited for the job or for the promotion.
38:41
Speaker 1: So you always have to look at counter evidence and
38:45
Speaker 1: bang out as many pieces of counter evidence as possible.
38:48
Speaker 1: And when you do that, you instantly level the playing
38:51
Speaker 1: field and you feel instantly better. The same thing goes
38:54
Speaker 1: for when I talk about when you think of positive
38:56
Speaker 1: thoughts about someone in your past, counteract it with three
38:59
Speaker 1: negative statements. Always have to find an even playing field
39:02
Speaker 1: for your thoughts. If I'm going to think all these
39:03
Speaker 1: stressful thoughts, I at least have to bring in positive thoughts.
39:07
Speaker 1: So it's a fair game. Okay, You've got to make
39:10
Speaker 1: it fair on yourself. If you're going to say something negative,
39:13
Speaker 1: you've got to also look at the positive as well. Okay,
39:17
Speaker 1: that's how I look at it at least, and that
39:19
Speaker 1: way I feel a lot better about, you know, my situation.
39:24
Speaker 1: And then I also want you to ask yourself why
39:27
Speaker 1: were you hired in the first place. No employer out
39:32
Speaker 1: there is doing fucking charity work as far as hiring people,
39:37
Speaker 1: They're not doing that. Okay. When an employer hires somebody
39:41
Speaker 1: is because they have a need that needs to be fulfilled, Okay,
39:46
Speaker 1: by someone's skill, by someone's time, by someone's effort. I
39:50
Speaker 1: can guarantee you no one's hired you out of pity.
39:53
Speaker 1: They have hired you because you are the adequate person
39:56
Speaker 1: for the role, because you have I have the qualifications
40:01
Speaker 1: that is necessary to fulfill the role. Okay, So you
40:04
Speaker 1: have to remind yourself that why was I hired? Because
40:07
Speaker 1: I fit the part? Okay. There's no two ways of
40:12
Speaker 1: looking about looking at it, and no one is perfect
40:16
Speaker 1: at their role either. So don't think, oh, yeah, but
40:18
Speaker 1: they hired me, but I've made all these mistakes. Everybody
40:22
Speaker 1: makes mistakes, everybody slips up, everybody has a misunderstanding, everybody
40:27
Speaker 1: has lapses in communication. That happens all the time. But
40:30
Speaker 1: you've got to realize I didn't get hired by chance
40:33
Speaker 1: or by fluke. I didn't lie on my CV. They
40:37
Speaker 1: interviewed me, not somebody else representing me. It is me
40:40
Speaker 1: who applied for the job. There were no lies, and
40:42
Speaker 1: they hired me. They're not doing me any favors. I'm
40:45
Speaker 1: not doing them any favors. This is an exchange of value.
40:49
Speaker 1: I'm providing value and they're giving me money for it. Okay.
40:52
Speaker 1: So you've got to talk yourself down off this thing
40:55
Speaker 1: thinking that you're not adequate enough because you were hired
40:57
Speaker 1: for a reason. Okay, And when you make mistakes, realize
41:01
Speaker 1: that every single person around you in this industry has
41:04
Speaker 1: also made mistakes similar to yours, if not bigger. And then, lastly,
41:10
Speaker 1: number five, I want you to look forward to lessons
41:15
Speaker 1: and feedback as a way of growing, as a way
41:18
Speaker 1: of improving, and not as a way of feeling inadequate.
41:22
Speaker 1: So there's this difference between growth mindset versus fixed mindset. Okay.
41:27
Speaker 1: Growth mindset is where you are process driven, where you're
41:31
Speaker 1: looking at the effort involved, where you pride yourself on effort,
41:35
Speaker 1: and when you get feedback being like, oh yeah, true,
41:37
Speaker 1: I could have done better at that. That's really interesting.
41:39
Speaker 1: How can I do better. Can you teach me how
41:41
Speaker 1: to do better? Can you give me examples of how
41:43
Speaker 1: that could have been done better? Cool? Whereas a fixed
41:45
Speaker 1: mindset is I have to be perfect and my identity
41:49
Speaker 1: comes from getting this right. And if someone then tells
41:52
Speaker 1: me that I didn't get it right, then that's hacked
41:56
Speaker 1: away at my identity and I feel really insecure. So
41:58
Speaker 1: the next time I go for some thing, I'm only
42:00
Speaker 1: going to go for something if I know I'm going
42:02
Speaker 1: to win it or if I know I'm going to
42:03
Speaker 1: do well at it, because if there's a chance of
42:05
Speaker 1: me risking it, then that's going to impact my identity
42:09
Speaker 1: how I feel about myself. I look at my intelligence
42:12
Speaker 1: as fixed or I look at my abilities as something
42:15
Speaker 1: that can grow. That is the difference between growth. I'm
42:18
Speaker 1: going to do a whole episode on it, maybe in
42:19
Speaker 1: the next week or two, but that is the difference
42:21
Speaker 1: between growth mindset and fixed mindset. So make sure that
42:24
Speaker 1: you're always looking at your effort and not at your achievements,
42:29
Speaker 1: because effort can be infinite, and if you only look
42:32
Speaker 1: at your achievements, you might just think, well, it's got
42:34
Speaker 1: to be this, and if I can't do this, then
42:36
Speaker 1: it's really going to affect my identity instead, be like
42:41
Speaker 1: you know, and studies have been done on children and everything,
42:44
Speaker 1: and children that are encouraged for the effort that they
42:46
Speaker 1: put in are actually more likely to take on feedback,
42:50
Speaker 1: not get offended. Look at it as an exciting step
42:52
Speaker 1: to work on, versus children that are always praised on
42:55
Speaker 1: their achievements and not their effort. And then when you
42:58
Speaker 1: give a child who's all praised on their achievements feedback,
43:02
Speaker 1: they take it really terribly. They really struggle with that
43:05
Speaker 1: feedback because they think, oh my god, I'm not as perfect,
43:07
Speaker 1: but I've always been told that I'm so good and
43:08
Speaker 1: I'm so smart or so intelligent. Okay, so start praising
43:12
Speaker 1: yourself on your efforts, not on all your achievements. Think
43:18
Speaker 1: I've done really well at that. You know, I was
43:20
Speaker 1: able to turn that around when this thing went wrong,
43:22
Speaker 1: I was able to fix it. I'm a really hard worker,
43:24
Speaker 1: I'm consistent, I know how to take feedback. That's how
43:28
Speaker 1: you want to look at it, Okay, So ask yourself,
43:30
Speaker 1: am I approaching this from a growth mindset perspective? Or
43:33
Speaker 1: am I approaching this from a fixed perspective where it's
43:36
Speaker 1: all or nothing? Okay, guys, I hope that this helped
43:40
Speaker 1: you even the playing field when it comes to your
43:44
Speaker 1: emotions towards lack of security or you know, feelings of
43:49
Speaker 1: inadequacy at work, okay, because no matter how confident you
43:54
Speaker 1: are in other areas of your life, it can work
43:57
Speaker 1: is often a source of anxiety for a lot of
43:59
Speaker 1: people because there's a lot of pressure there. You've got
44:01
Speaker 1: to pay your bills. You don't want to. You know,
44:02
Speaker 1: your performance is always being analyzed. Maybe not always, but
44:07
Speaker 1: your performance is being analyzed to some level, and it
44:09
Speaker 1: is linked to your income, you know. And we link
44:13
Speaker 1: our jobs to our identity a lot, whether we like
44:15
Speaker 1: it or not, whether it's a good thing or a
44:17
Speaker 1: bad thing. That is what a lot of people do.
44:20
Speaker 1: So it is really important to make sure that we
44:21
Speaker 1: have a healthy relationship with our jobs and make sure
44:26
Speaker 1: that it's not causing us extreme anxiety because there's a
44:28
Speaker 1: massive difference with everything I just spoke about here and
44:32
Speaker 1: being in a job that you genuinely are weighing over
44:36
Speaker 1: your head and you know for a fact that you
44:38
Speaker 1: cannot do it and being like this is absolutely not
44:41
Speaker 1: the role for me. I don't know this. I was
44:42
Speaker 1: never supposed to be here, shouldn't have been given this job.
44:45
Speaker 1: I actually can't do it. There's a difference, and we
44:48
Speaker 1: all know the difference. Okay, So I think it's really
44:50
Speaker 1: important to realize why you're in the role that you're
44:54
Speaker 1: in and why it is that you deserve to be there. Okay, guys,
44:58
Speaker 1: thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. Hopefully
45:01
Speaker 1: you can put these things into practice straight away. Ask
45:04
Speaker 1: yourself the questions, have those questions that cancel each other out,
45:07
Speaker 1: find the trigger, watch your emotions, don't be in your emotions,
45:11
Speaker 1: and also argue for your strengths. Don't always argue for
45:15
Speaker 1: your limitations. Guys, love you so much. Thanks for tuning in.
45:19
Speaker 1: We've got some really exciting episodes coming up, and we
45:21
Speaker 1: also do have a really exciting guest coming up in
45:24
Speaker 1: the next few episodes, so I cannot wait to share
45:27
Speaker 1: that because that's a really really, really really cool episode,
45:30
Speaker 1: So stay tuned for that. As always, remember be kind
45:33
Speaker 1: to yourself, be kind to your brain, don't take shit
45:35
Speaker 1: from anyone, and especially don't take shit from yourself. Doug