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SPOTLIGHT on Janet Eileen Simpson · Sass N Sips

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: I tell you what, I feel really balanced, so I think I'm just gonna have a little bit of both.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_03: Um yeah, yeah.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_03: And I put this up here because I like to like to pretend I'm arriving like, you know, in some sort of stardom.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: Hey! Hi! I've been waiting for you for ages.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: What's happening?
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, and welcome to today's, or this month's, I should say, episode of Spotlight here on Assassin's Tips.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Today we have a very special guest with us.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: We have relationship therapist, mentor, and groovy grand, Janet Eileen Simpson.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: She is uh, she has a diverse professional background with over 30 years of experience in education, counseling, psychotherapy, and holistic practices.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: She taught primary school for 20 years, led curriculum development, and represented the British Council in Peru.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Janet has 10 years of experience in counseling, specializing in relationship therapy and psychosexual issues.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: She is also a magnetic mind coach, natural success graduation, Reiki master, and family constellation facilitator.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Adopted from birth, Janet met her biological brother and part of her family in 2018, sexual mute until 50, now a sex talk enthusiast, raising awareness of the impact of pornography and the perils of the unexpressed as the result of being an ex-partner of a sex addict and compulsive porn user.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: She also hosts a podcast, Taboo to Talked About, and is actively creating her signature relationship course, The Heart Equation.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: She is an animal and nature lover, and she loves to be the chill tastic Ruby Grand for her five grandchildren.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: Please welcome in Janet.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: I am one of your hosts, I'm Lisa, and today I'm sipping on some red wine.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_04: I'm Agnes, and I'm drinking, bear with me, cream soda with raspberry puree.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_05: I know.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_04: I'm special.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_04: Don't ask.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_04: Sounds delicious.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_04: And our wonderful guests, I just want to be her so badly.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_04: Janet Simpson.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_04: What are you drinking with this?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_04: Well, thank you.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_03: Um it's juice, really, just for the moment.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: Then I'm going to have a glass of wine when I come off here.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: I'd I couldn't yes, I'd I goodness knows what I'd say if I've had a glass of wine, I'd be so off the rails.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes that's fun.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it is fun.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: I think when I I talk about my subject sometimes, I like to do it with um with a little bit boundary sometimes because I work with a lot of clients.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: So it it's um right at this moment anyway, because my client base is going to change to more of a mentorship instead of a more therapeutic side, which will suit me a little bit more because I'd like to develop me my groovy grand side to um to deliver some messages without it being um too professional because I think it puts people off anyway.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um and I I seem to uh so I've got plans for all my children to do, you know, uh for all my grandchildren, because I think it's a really important relationship to have as a as a role model, as a gran, as a nan.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's nanajan, and I just call myself the Groovy Gran, um, because I'm not I'm not a parent, but um I've learnt a lot as a parent, I've learnt a lot as a therapist, and I try to apply a lot of that.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's I would say a curse and a gift at the same time because I can see patterns developing early on, which will impact the children when they're older.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: So if I model things, instead of telling people, I might uh present it in a humorous way.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_04: And I think everyone has a little bit of mimicry when they deal with people that they love or respect or uh somehow see a connection to.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_04: So it's easier to pass on those good behaviors, also bad behaviors, yeah, when you're leading by example.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I mean, if you if you think about it, we where when people talk about the term communication, often think of it as just being your language.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: But I I would say the most important um expression of your communication is your behaviour.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, because you unconsciously will behave.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: So unless you're looking at your behaviour as being the witness, you're going to be running patterns that you didn't even know existed.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, and I'm a I'm I I'm a little bit savvy with that because I'd I I aim to be the best version of myself and and live by doing the things that I love doing.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes I I think the world in itself is fear-based.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's you can either go to love or fear, and you can get sucked into either side, a little bit dreamy love and totally fear-based.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_04: So I like to live in a place of yes and love and positivity until you have to adjust course, some course correction.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_04: But I find that it's easier to be that way for me personally, to be just okay, I love life.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_04: I love my family, I love what I do, and I want to I want to give that out.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_04: And I find it's easier for me to block out the negative and ignore it and keep it moving and do good where I can do good.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Hmm.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_03: Hmm.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: And and it is, it's about service, I think.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_03: I I I get from you when I met you that you were in service.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: And when you're in service for people, you're leading from your heart.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: When you're in service to yourself, you're leading from your survival centre, and you probably don't recognize it because a lot of people are just moving in survival.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_03: But I do look at I have I use energy circles and I always look at that survival me and the genius of me, which is really where I'm acting from my heart.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_03: Because I know that um I know that sometimes I will go into survival.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_03: So as long as I'm aware, um, it keeps me balanced and uh and that's I find that useful.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: I'm very I am very much looking at both sides and then choices.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_03: What I'm hearing, I think, and it's what you're saying is you're making a choice, the loving choices to uh impact who who and what you can impact without it having a detriment upon your health.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, I think I spent a lot of my adult life um trying to impact those who didn't want to be impacted or looked upon to impact people's lives.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, I can't impact that, I can't do it for everyone.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_04: And yeah, I think I'm I'm okay with saying no now.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_04: No is a complete answer, and it doesn't bother me.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_04: I don't feel guilty.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_04: Because I don't, you know, you don't do it out out of being malicious or spiteful.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_04: You're like, no, I can't do that.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_04: You just you just go on with what you can do.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_04: So do you feel oh do you feel that um oh my god, I lost my train of thought that quick with being oh the survivor and as opposed to being a the giver or I think you said it well with being balanced.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_04: I sometimes I feel you kind of need that survivor part to balance the giver because you're going to pour from an empty cup eventually.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: So and I I I did that.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_03: I did that because I'm o and I'm I'm an overgiver.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um and I overgave in my profession as a teacher, I overgave in my relationship, I overgave my children, and then when I met um my ex, who was a compulsive porn user and sex addict, um, he was a taker and I was a giver.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: And he literally, he, he, he just drained me of all my life force, and then I ended up having a breakdown.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so I've I I had to pick the pieces of me up together, um, and it's taken some while to get back.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: Well, not back because I'm not the same version, and I don't mind the version that I'm at now because I've had to adapt to my whole life because I lost my memory and everything.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_03: Everything sort of this is a teacher very knowledge and information based.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but when I did have that breakdown, um, I literally I'd have one piece of information here and one piece of information here, and it's like in my head, I couldn't get them together to connect in any way.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so I was very fortunate enough at the time it was COVID to be able to be part of groups where I was sort of learning how to coach but and using energetic work, and I recognized that I could work with anybody and I didn't need a memory, I was intuitively working, and I will say I just get metaphors of the um whoever I'm working with, what what they they might need support with.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: So from that, um I have I really appreciate uh my my um really appreciate now that I do have a a memory back, it's like I've restructured my brain.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_03: That that's actually how it feels that I've I've been restructured, so I can't rely upon knowledge and information, whereas I did rely upon knowledge of information from a life.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: And it was a pivotal moment.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um I absolute, I absolutely love Sherlock Holmes, right?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_03: Love Sherlock Holmes and you know, and even the Baker Street, the song, and all things like this, you know, Jenny Rafferty, I think it was, whoever won't.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, love it, you know.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like Mrs.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_03: Detective.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I was talking to somebody and they said that they started to talk about Sherlock Holmes, and I thought, ooh, what's the name of the road he lives?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_03: And and it was like I couldn't remember where he lived, and that was the point for me.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: It was a it felt awful because um I felt a deep loss because I couldn't recall.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and that's when I started, in a way, partly worrying that I would never get my uh memory back, but it has anyway.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: The useful bits, all the other stuff I didn't really need to know, like long division, which I taught when I was in school.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you know, you never really need to know that anyway.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_03: All that stuff that I've I don't need to know, I don't need to know.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_03: Now I only know what I need to know to know, yeah, which is you know, to and I and I can always revert back to just being loving and responding it in a loving manner, just from my heart, without calculating too much from information and knowledge and theory and what everybody else says.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_04: Do you feel that that has allowed you to become stronger in your intuitiveness?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_04: Because you weren't relying so much on hard facts.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_04: So, like we say when people go blind, their hearing gets better, so forth and so on.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_04: And I feel like the sound, this listening to you speak, I feel like you are a stronger, more valuable version of yourself.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: I was robust before, but in a different way.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_03: I was a very action taker.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: So um I was a very uh push, push, push, push version of me, which is the ma which is the masculine version.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: Um, because it's masculine energy.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: Well, when I talk about masculine feminine energy, I just am referring to two uh forces of push, which is the masculine, pull, which is the feminine.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_03: I was very push, push, push.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and that's where if you don't have boundaries with that, you will be yes, yes, yes, I'll do, do, do, I'll do for everybody.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_03: And then, of course, you can't do.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: You can't do when you meet.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: You can't, you can't do when you meet the ultimate taker because they'll drain you of everything.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_03: And that was where I got my balance from.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: But being a woman and going through menopause, I have noticed as well when people talk, they've lost the memory.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_03: I think you're meant to lose a bit of memory because you're meant to be more intuitive and grounded in your own feminine sense of worthiness, and that comes from your heart, it doesn't come from your cognitive brain, it comes from your heart of who you are, and that that that love that you have for yourself.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_03: And if you have love for yourself, then you're in a really good position, no matter where you are in any relationship, because you won't be seeking, you already have it in your heart.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: So when you meet someone, you'll meet someone who already has it in the heart, they won't be seeking.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_03: That's the balance in the match.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_03: Because I was so out of balance, because I was so much of a giver to the extreme.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_03: I need to take it in the extreme that had to bring me back up to balance.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and that's that was the purpose of part of our relationship.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it was very evolutionary.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I seem to have learned.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't know any of this till I was 50, you know.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_03: So uh talk about having a baptism.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: It was a baptism, let me tell you.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_04: Your rebirth, so to speak.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_04: Like they were truly brought into your life for a reason.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like even the the hardest, most negative situations and people in your life, is an opportunity to it's a for growth and learning about yourself and being better and stronger.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_04: Unfortunately, sometimes it's harder for some people than others.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_04: But the what you come out of at the other end is miraculous.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I it I sorry, go on, Lisa.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, no, continue, please.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: I was just going to say that my background with having sexual shame, because it was adopted, it was adopted through sexual shame.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_03: I was Irish, Irish have got a lot of sexual shame.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um you know, children out of wedlock, children from uh, you know, and if you go back into the family system, you'll you'll find that there'll be children in children's homes, that the the shame of the mother who had the child out of birth, etc.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I've got that all in my family system.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um so it's so to sort of shake things up in the family system to bring balance to my system, I had to meet somebody who um was really presented me with um with an opportunity, I would say, to um to work through my shame history, which I have done up to a past ancestral level.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um so I don't have that sexual shame now in in that in that sense.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um so it's funny you bring that up because that that was one of my next questions for you.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_04: But Lisa, go ahead.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_04: I don't have to ask that question anymore.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was just gonna say you mentioned in your bio that you were a sexual a sexual mute until 50.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: So we Googled because we've never really heard the term before, but could you elaborate on that and and how it feels and what it means to you?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_03: Uh well I was adopted into a Catholic family.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_03: I had older parents and they certainly didn't talk about sex.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um I only found out when Mum was in her 70s that they had tried IVF and it was a very shameful thing not to have a child um straight away after wedlock because it would have meant that there was something wrong with you.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_03: And this was in the 50s, you know, 1950s, etc.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: So they lived through a lot of shame, so they never even spoken about it.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_03: So to get to for me to arrive when they were in the 40s, I was this precious item, but sex wasn't talked about.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: I never saw them having sex, I never heard them or had nothing.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_03: Went through a Catholic education, taught in a Catholic school.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: We never talked about sex.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_03: It was um it was a very minimal education.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I think I was shown when I was in school a mother giving birth, and that was supposed to put us off actually having sex.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: So so there was no conversation.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: So I was muted in a way, not by choice, but by um by my family system, my ancestral past, by the uh the family system that I moved into and to be looked after.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_03: But what that actually resulted in in my lack of conversation with my um in with within my own family was that my children have sexual trauma.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_03: So they didn't know when to say no, they didn't know how you know how to express themselves sexually, they didn't know how to have sexual conversations.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_03: Uh so so, in my lack of communication, that muteness, uh my inability to communicate in any way, even a humorous way, I didn't have, I didn't have the skills or the capacity or the even I didn't have the why behind it.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um and now I have the why.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: That's part of why my my work will always have a slant of importance of talking about you won your sexuality um too openly very early on in relationships to talk about sex and porn.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: And so it isn't hidden.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_03: There's nothing shameful and there's nothing hidden because I I realised that that the secrets in my past, I was a secret, you see, which is shameful because I was had, you know, I but I'm born out of wet out of wedlock.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um I was hidden, I was strapped in my mum's belly, not to be seen.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I inherited those sorts of emotions because we what we my closest thing to love is the feeling of grief, loss, and shame, because that's and not being seen, because that's what my mum when she when she was carrying me in gestation emotions, you take that because at that time I'm in my mum's womb.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know whether I'm me, I don't know whether I'm my mum as a baby.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: So you take on those emotions.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_03: So that was my that was my default.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_03: So my overgiving comes from feeling that I am so shameful and I can't be seen that what I have to do is validate myself in this world by giving to others, as for you know, to say, yes, I am needed in the world, I am needed in the world, I'm gonna overgive, overgive.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_04: That's a lot to be said for the generational trauma and how trauma is also embedded in DNA from gestational periods and all that period.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_04: And no one wants to, I don't think they want to listen to that, or they're like, that's so it doesn't make sense to people.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_04: And I feel, yeah, like, well, how can you be affected?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_04: Well, well, you know, it's it makes sense now how sometimes it's harder now for us to break the cycle.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_04: Because they tell us for a long time, you gotta break the cycles, be better than your parents, but but a lot of those problems are in our DNA now, and we and you have to be cognitive of that before you can break the cycle and and and work through those traumas.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_04: Um it's not that you can see what's not so much as I saw my parents do this, it's intangible.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_04: You can't change something you can't see unless you're aware of it.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and that's that's so true.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why initially, when I said communication is really important to look at how you're communicating in your behaviour, because it will be seen in your behaviour.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um I was seeking love from a mother that wasn't there, so I spent a whole career seeking it in different ways, no, teaching even children.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: I never knew what happened to my mum, really, until I was in my 50s.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but I was, you know, doing my best for children.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_03: My work was all about children.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I was really saving myself because it was the the child at the child that had been abandoned and lost and didn't feel like they existed, um, was part of that role as the teacher.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_03: But actually, when I came out of teaching, now the energy, I don't have that maternal energy anymore because I'm because I'm balanced.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but yes, it I think it's I have put ancestral work all the way through this course and my signature course, the heart equation, so people can understand how to look at your ancestral past and how that can impact your presence in your behaviour.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: Because I think when you do that, you've got more of a rounded understanding of who you are, and actually your behaviour is maybe a representation of another family member who lived, you know, not just your parents, but your grandparents or great grandparents, because it does skip a jet a generation, and if trauma isn't resolved, it passes down through the family system, um, and it it stops the flow of love.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_03: Because for me, when I was adopted, um, that maternal love was cut off straight away.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it was once it was gone, it was gone.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: So I didn't have maternal love for my children as fully as I could have done.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_03: And that's only just returned doing the family constellation work where I've worked.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: Because what that has allowed me to do is I can step into anybody's energy, whether they are here living or whether they're not living, I can step into that energy and get a sense of how it felt for them.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_03: And in doing that, I can't we use healing sentences to in a way communicate with an another person to sort of acknowledge that both people are in pain and that the healing sentences then create the ability for the love to flow through the system.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I've actually felt that um sort of like a shudder, cried, and then you can feel the love flowing through the system.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_03: Now I didn't know I could do all of this stuff, but it seems that I'm pretty good at it.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm pretty dramatic now and again, let me tell you.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: You don't get who they are, but you'll get, say, exactly, I had an experience in one of the sessions.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_03: Um and and people, when they see it, they think you get that you're a bit potty.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_03: How could that happen?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_03: But actually, when you step on that fabric that's representing a mother or a father or somebody, you get a sense of who they are.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: If they have if they're emotionless, if they're like you know, the the unemotional father, it feels a void.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: There's no emotions there.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_03: That person can't give you any emotions because there's nothing there.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_03: They've not been they've not been given any.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_03: It's been stopped at the family system somewhere.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_03: There's been no loving energy passed to that that man or that woman.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_03: So it's um and I'm all about f love flowing.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a very loving person.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um always easier to love others than love myself, and that's been a journey in itself to actually bring that receivership because of the overgiveness, and the receivership is self-worth for your love for yourself, which was was a big big process, but my ex-partner taught me that.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, very he didn't actually say, you know, actually, this first lesson is I'm going to actually get you to be worthy of yourself.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_03: So we said, no, we said, I'm just gonna keep leaving you and running away, and then in the end, you're gonna go over hell safe.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_03: It couldn't give a damn if you leave me or not.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: I love myself, and that came in a meditation.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_03: Um that month.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_04: I find it's the hardest lesson to learn, and it's oh, and I find there's usually the foundation for whatever it is you want to do.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_04: It's the hardest lesson, it's also the strongest lesson.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_04: Because that's a fine, everything is easy, it it it kind of falls into place.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, I'd I would I would say that, yeah.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_03: Can you tell us more about your podcast?
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, right, okay, yeah.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, um, my podcast is Tabuta Talked About, and it's it really is a summary of everything that I've learned to do with cringy conversations and communication linked to sex, porn, intimacy, and relationships.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_03: All the things that I've learned since I entered the sort of counselling and psychic psychotherapy, uh, which then I've had focusing on relationships, uh, was useful because it helped me to work out what was going on for me.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_03: So if I was to say I was I was I was doing that to to learn what the heck was going on for me, and I just thought, you know, people do need to listen to this.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_03: Partners need to know what's going on.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_03: You know, parents need to know what's happening to their children if they're overly watching porn, you know.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_03: We're turn we're turning um the more porn you you that you watch, the more likely you are to have predator behaviour, so that you will just go as a predator looking and be very object, you know, very objectifying women.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_03: Uh but it's whatever you do, if you if you if you spend all your day doing and looking at something, you are going to behave like that.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this is this is you know, I mean, you don't it you think how long it took you to drive a car.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_03: And when you drive, you drive, don't you?
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_03: You've programmed that into your thoughts.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_03: So people who are watching a lot of porn, um, and not everybody, because there are there are some um I've noticed that the people who get stuck in porn, I call it stuck in mating, have got an issue with the mother.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_03: So they are seeking love in sex, they're seeking um the the hit of the orgasm through sex.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_03: It's oxy, and they're seeking the oxy love addiction is seeking of from my experience, seeking of oxytocin in another.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_03: Um, because the bond some in somehow has been broken at child at you know, with between the mother, the the caregiver and the child, and they are seeking that love.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so this is all what everything I've learned about intimacy, because if you are over if you having a lot of sex, watching a lot of porn, anything like that, you're not um what you're not activating is the frontal cortex of your brain, which is where intimacy is developed.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_03: And intimacy is what we have as humans, no other mammal really has it apart from intimacy.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_03: And the intimacy is to be able to get close to somebody, and the close the closest you can get is to be emotionally intimate with somebody so that you can say the most vulnerable things, you can tell them something you don't like about them, and be and and you know, have that courage and um the capacity to say it and know that they're not gonna have a wobble, run off, shame you, um, judge you.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_03: They're gonna go, oh, okay.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um, well, maybe what part what I I'll look at what part I might have had involved in you know, involved in this, etc.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_03: So you've been emotionally um intimate, and if you particularly watch porn from when you're young, you you do not develop the frontal cortex of your brain, you overactivate your survival center with your amygdala.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_03: So you're very quick at going into survival, and so that would be one of your response mechanisms.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_03: When I'm happy, you know, masturbate, etc.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_03: When I'm sad, masturbate, when I've been going through grief, masturbate, you don't go into any of the emotions, so it's used for emotional regulation.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: Do you find that there's um uh like one sex is affected more than the other, like men or women are more likely to show those behaviors, or do you think, or is it something that's kind of gender neutral?
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like gender doesn't play a part?
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_03: I don't I th I think mainly more men are more likely to be compulsively looking at porn um uh due to the cultural aspect of that men are never not haven't been encouraged.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_03: We're not talking about this generation, but even from very past generations, to be emotionally literate and and to develop their emotions, and that's okay because there's a usefulness in dealing with situations and going forward without overly emotional, you know, with a not a lot of emotions.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_03: That's you can make progress like that, but also you know, you've got um they're effective because actually, can you imagine being in your car driving somewhere to the shops or whatever?
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_03: Then you look at somebody and you see, you know, let's say big bottom large breasts, um, and you get triggered, and the next minute, oh my god, you've got an erection.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_03: Because you're just gonna be triggered straight away.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_03: But what you won't be able to do is calm down very well from the erection, so it's gonna be quite embarrassing, or they're just going to go somewhere and have to, you know, masturbate, or they're gonna have to go home and masturbate.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so it's it's easier, I think, for uh women to manage that than it is for men, because obviously, um, you know, you but I say I I the men need to learn to purtent the penis, basically, because if you're watching a lot of porn and you're going around and you're just you know thinking that you can have sex with anybody because you've been watching porn and you've spent, you know, you say you're just a 60-year-old man and you've been watching 20 years of 20-year-olds, and you've got this illusion, you're an absolute dreamer fantasy illusion, that you're gonna have sex with a younger person.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_03: You can see that that then you need to learn to pernant your penis because it isn't um it's uh it's not really conducive, is it?
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_03: No, well, it's not really realistic, is it?
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's one of the the blueprints that I talk about in my courses.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_03: One is the dreamer, um, where they're in a fantasy, and they actually fit right into the criteria of porn.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_03: Have to be a fantasy because it's not realistic.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_01: Who is basically who is the the ideal candidate for your course?
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like who you know, who who is the course designed to help?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's designed to help somebody uh who is going through a maybe a second relationship and who really wants to know what the love patterns are.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_03: Um and I use four blueprints.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_03: I've got the fixer, the overgiver, the dreamer, and the wounded one.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_03: Now the fixer and the overgiver are the masculine ones because they're push, push, push going forward.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: The the dreamer and the wounded one, they're gonna have everything held in here, so they're the takers.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_03: So they're both um uh you know, the wounded one is not gonna be opening the heart anyway, so that so they're gonna have an issue with intimacy, and the dreamer is gonna be in a fantasy world thinking it's all going to be lovely, it's gonna be absolutely and they text me, I'm in love, I'm in love now, I am, and actually, it's not really reality, is it?
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_03: So you can see how porn taps into the dreamer's world really well.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_03: That oh, I you don't need a girlfriend because I can have anybody who I want here, and I don't need to intimately connect with anybody because guess what?
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_04: I have this right here.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_03: I oh I don't want it.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you know, they think you can have everybody, it's linked to control because they've been over controlled somewhere.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_03: There's a seeking of freedom in it.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um, the seeking freedom.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_04: Leads it to uh unrealistic dream worlds.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_04: That makes so much sense.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_04: Little thought about that way.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_04: Complete mind blown.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_03: Like, yeah, I know, I know.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I try I so I try so presented in this course is for somebody who who really wants to know the patterns, to know the patterns of the other person, and because what I am going to be doing on Instagram um and some of the socials is put some dating.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_03: I've seen it done, it works well, put some dating phrases, you know, bios and things, um, in in the least in the most confidential way I can, but to actually stay what I'm seeing in that, because I I can see there's there's one in one in particular, you know, what I think it's the wanted to be, they're a masculine man in the world, but they love Fortnite.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_03: Well, man child comes to mind there.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_03: So there's some things that I can pick out, and I want to pick them out without being um without laughing at others because there's a genuine reason why that person is like that, they haven't chosen to be like that.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_03: There's something in their childhood and in their ancestral background that has created the patterns of who they are.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_03: If you've had a controlling mother, you are going to not really want to get into another relationship because you're going to meet a controlling person.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and then you end up God, I just want my own freedom.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_03: So they go to porn.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, because the person, which is a common thing, the person in a relationship who is in control controls the sex.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_03: So whoever controls the sex controls the relationship, and often it can be the woman, you are you're not having any sex because you know, A, B, C, and D, and the guys there, oh God, this is my only way that I get oxytocin.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_03: Well, they're not saying that, but I could be saying that it's the only way I get oxytocin, so I don't feel loved now.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm going to eventually seek elsewhere supported by the fantasy of porn.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_03: Meet someone, a woman comes along, also watching porn, presents to that person a porn scenario, a script linked to porn, you know, seduces, and the next minute that they've they've had a sexual relationship outside of their relationship, and it just happened like that.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the amount of men who've come to me and said, I absolutely do not know what took over me in that moment.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_03: But if you're watching a lot of porn, you're just reenacting something, aren't you?
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_03: So I want to help people to be able to have um the knowledge so they can create their own their own architect of their own relationship.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm I'm talking about masculine, feminine energy, all the patterns from the past, uh, how to discuss things like an erotic landscape so that you can share your eroticness with each other.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um and and that's uh, you know, I've got 12 modules, and that's for really for people who just want to have a loving relationship.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_03: I say just want to have, it's not easy just get a fine and a loving relationship.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_03: No, it's not.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_04: It's a lot of communication, a lot of self-reflecting to have a healthy, a healthy sex life, specifically a healthy sex life, um, for the purpose of this topic.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_04: When you said that women have a, you know, using sex as a weapon or as control in the relationship, I find that sometimes, actually most of the times, I, for me, I can't get into the mood if my partner is we had a fight, if we have a long-term issue.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_04: You're uh if you're verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, or whatever the case may be.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_04: And it needs to be said, like, hey, I can't get into the mood because of these things that's been happening between us this last week.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_04: It's hard to get into the mood.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I find that if those words are able to be communicated to your partner that you're supposed to be able to trust, I don't know if I would I would hope that the female's partner would be like, okay, it's not sex as a weapon.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_04: This is there's something hindering us as a couple.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_04: And it's not us.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_04: Let's get rid of this ex out, this outside issue so we can be together again.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_04: Nine times out of ten, it really isn't a he said, she said issue.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's a issue that the we're not dealing with as a couple.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_01: I've I've heard from from many women, and obviously I I don't have any studies, so this is very anecdotal, but uh for a lot of women, intimacy is a big part of foreplay in sex.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: And when the intimacy is lacking, and intimacy is not always physical, it can be like Agnes said, being able to express yourself, being able to be vulnerable, being able to have that shared conversation.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're not feeling like you're on that same platform, you can either compartmentalize if you if you kind of just want to get your rocks off, or you can kind of shut it down because your your head is not in it, your heart is not in it, and it it's hard because it's it's like this these dueling emotions.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, one part of your body is like, go for it, go for it, go for it.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_01: And the other part of your body is like, no, I'm not into this.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like, hold on, we have unresolved things to work out.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, but that makes so much sense because the the partner may not be understanding the reasons behind the no and all they're hearing or seeing is who doesn't want me.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_04: My wife doesn't love me, my life doesn't want me.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_03: So you can see how it's it's a lack of communication.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_03: Generally, sex it's problems with sex or issues with sex in a relationship is not to do with sex, it's to do with the relationship and the level of communication.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_03: So initially, if you don't feel safe as a woman, you ain't having sex unless you've had sexual trauma.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um I'm glad you said that.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_04: You the unless you had sexual trauma.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_04: And you can't you and you associate negative trauma with love.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_03: So it isn't gonna happen.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um, safety for a woman to to to create that safe, if you think if it can just explain as the the masculine is it is the safe container, the holder.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_03: Imagine a jacuzzi, the masculine is the held outside.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_03: The feminine, or a cup of coffee, whatever you want to say, it's the it's the cup.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_03: Inside is the feminine, all like this.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_03: But if you're not held, you're like, oh my god, I'm full, I'm I'm not I'm not contained.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_01: So it goes back to even what you said about the the person who controls the sex kind of controls.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I I know some I feel this a lot for myself.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I've heard this from many other people, usually women.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: But we we don't always want to be in control, but for our safety and self-preservation, we must be in control because it's you know, it's a survival.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_01: We we want to be with a partner or a friend or a loved one who we can say cool, I don't have to be in control.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_01: I trust you with my every business.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: And and unfortunately, so many people are unable to stop being in control because uh you know it it it's a fear, it's it's self-preservation.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like we don't want the control, I really don't.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_03: Well, if the if your partner and this works whether it's same sex or you know, you your more your more tr I say traditional sort of man-womanly sort of experience, right?
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_03: The man has to be masculine-led.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_03: If the man isn't leading in the masculine, they've got no boundaries and they can't hold the space, then the feminine can't allow themselves to relax and receive and feel safe.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so so women who are very driven can often be in the masculine and not realise it, you know, and and it's great, it's very per it's very useful, but in in the set in for sex, it isn't useful if if the man isn't leading, uh, and and could having that safe space for um for the woman to feel held.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_03: And that seems to be the the main block is that people just don't feel safe and they have no idea why they don't feel safe, and then what has to happen is the woman has to apply the masculine on themselves and keep themselves safe and keep themselves boundaried to a fixed state, which is not an evolved masculine, it is more of a survival masculine because you put the boundaries around you by saying there's no way you're coming near me if you can't even be bothered to hold me safely.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm fanatical with it because also like it's like saying um if you get into the dating world, it I I wouldn't touch anybody unless if if there were a guy, if they weren't leading, if they didn't lead the conversation, because then they want me to lead, and I don't want to lead.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not the leader here, you're the leader, I'll lead at my own stuff.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_03: I can I can I can I know when I'm in my masculine and my feminine because it flips all the time, you see.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_03: Um and it flips depending on who we're with.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_03: Whoever is the doer and the giver is going to be in the masculine.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but if in a sexual relationship, the spark only happens when one is in the masculine, one's in the feminine.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_03: That's the spark because it's opposites, and that's where you get the spark attraction between you.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so that's why sometimes when You know, that's that's why when I work with um same-sex couples, I'll say to who's the I'll explain what I mean by masculine, feminine, the push-pull energies.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_03: Uh you give a receiver.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_03: So who's the lead in the masculine?
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_03: Who's the feminine lead?
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_03: Let's get this clear.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_03: And then they might say, Oh, we lead this, they do different things, but in the bedroom, who leads?
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_03: You know, generally the driver.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_03: If you ever see a a man being driven round, you can maybe gather that he's in his feminine because he's being driven round.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_03: A man doesn't drive unless they've, you know, they've got some injury.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_03: If a man's driving, if a man's not driving, I ain't going out with you.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_03: You know, because I'm not driving you around.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going to be in my feminine and I'm going to receive a safe journey.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_03: Do you see how I mean I I'm at this all the time.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_03: I I've been because my ex called me Jan the man.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_03: Jan the man, honestly.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_03: I do laugh about it now, but he called me Jan the man, but he didn't realise that he was man child.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_03: You see?
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_03: Jan the uh a masculine a masculine female, a masculine-led female, so if you're a fixer or an overgiver, will meet a man who's predominantly feminine, who's in receiving, who will have had a mum who will have served him, who wants to be served.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um so who if they want um so basically in in the sexual scene they they might um they might just want to have oral sex.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_03: That's all they'll want, because they're just receiving.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_03: Now can you see how that works?
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, here I am.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's like your opening might like yeah it's yeah, you know, I I'm ready to receive.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_02: I bet you are.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_02: How bit imbalanced it is, you know?
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I'm taking a lot of what you're saying to heart as I'm dating.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_04: Because dating sucks.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_04: It sucks.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_04: And it's so easy for me to graphics.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm okay I actually feel better now because I'm very quick to be turned off by things.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, no.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_04: Um, for example, one gentleman, when you talk about conversation, having a conversation one person, it's like I'm pulling teeth.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, I'm done.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_04: I can't have like you're not if you can't lead and I if you can't lead a conversation, how how are we gonna lead us?
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, Yeah, so I actually feel vindicated and validated with my quick to say no, because a lot of things that are turning me off is because I see a lot of them leading with their feminine energy.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm always like, Yeah, I live my whole life alone being taking care of me and everyone around me.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_04: I want to fall into my soft girl as we call it now, our soft girl era.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_04: And it's it's very easy for me now to see like the pinpoint, those two are not gonna match that energy that I'm looking for.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_04: And thank you, Janet, because now I feel like I'm not feeling like you're just being picky.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, well, then I'll be picky, then that's fine.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_04: But now I feel like there's a reason being picky.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like evolutionary like intuitiveness.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_04: I'm just like, oh yeah, no, that's wrong.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_04: Oh no, you're wrong too.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it sounds to me like that you have moved more into your feminine receivership because that's what you said initially, isn't it?
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_03: I'm more able to say no now, which means you're holding your energy for yourself.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_03: Because if you're a continual yeser, what are you doing?
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_03: You're just yesing all the time, you're just giving it away all the time and doing.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_03: Whereas if you receive, you're gonna have that boundary, which you've got to use the masculine again.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_03: But you've just to hold your to hold it, you've got to use the boundary of saying no.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_04: I sorry I'm using the masculine energy to save my feminine energies in prep in preparation for that guy.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, I don't feel so crazy now taking it on it because I was feeling a little, oh my god, what's wrong with me?
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_03: But no, I and you've got to remember that people who are on the dating apps are probably watching porn.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_03: I think the stats are something like 80% are watching porn.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_03: Not everybody will be severely affected by it because they'll be able to be living um well and functioning, but some who have have issues with intimacy in particular um won't won't be able to communicate properly to you.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_03: Their communist communication style will be sex, and that's the lowest level of intimacy.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_03: You can have sex and not have a conversation with people, you can have sex and have absolutely no communication at all, apart from the acts of having sex.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_03: Uh so so it's about knowing that and going, ah, I suspect.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_03: I could probably tell by bios if I read stuff whether they're watching a lot of porn or not.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um and and heavy porn users will also edge, which is means they that they um if I'll explain what that is, it it's holding the orgasm right so they don't orgasm the edge right on the edge of their orgasm for a long period of time watching different scenes, and often they can't then orgasm until they reach a particular scene.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um so so they have to be on the edge.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_03: So it's it it's quite common for people to be on there for a few hours on the edge.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_03: So the you think as long the longer you're on the edge of having your orgasm as a as a man, every time all that all that period of time you're in survival.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and you were use using up all your dopamine then.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_03: So uh, yeah, that's what I mean.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_03: I I remember once I used to chat about all my work to somebody and they said to me, they said to me a few weeks after we'd had this conversation, said, Your voice came in my head the other day I went when I was having sex.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_03: I said, Stop it.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_03: It didn't.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_03: What the hell was going on?
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_03: You know, she said, so she said, This guy who she'd met, we're having sex, and he said, Can you lie on the bed and pretend you're having sex with another man?
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_03: Because that's the only way I can orgasm.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, that's a that's a red flag, personally.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's a massive red flag because I I'd already had the conversation about her that some men don't need a particular scene to actually fully orgasm.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_03: So the scene obviously is a woman having sex with another man, but they're watching.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_03: Now they're watching would mean that he is in his feminine, he's either a dreamer or a wounded one, he's in his feminine self because it's easier to watch than it is to participate and actually do it, you know, be the leader.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_03: And anyway, the relationship didn't last, but she said, Oh my god, should I heard you saying he's been watching form, you know?
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_03: Because they're just telltale signs, and that guy will have not a clue, not a clue what he's done.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_04: It's happening, he did it himself as a gradual thing, and it happened, yeah.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_03: Just holy mother sh okay.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so you can see how women can get away with it a bit more because you could actually fake an orgasm, but you really with a guy, if it goes a bit limp and they're not being turned on or they can't orgasm, it's it's not gonna happen for them.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_03: Ah, so it's it's little things like that that that's are uh I would say enlightening facts if you're getting into any relationship or you and that imagine you're thinking it was you because you know what she said to me?
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_03: She said, Janet, she said, if we hadn't have had these conversations about the work that you do, and I I don't give away the confidentiality, that's a common theme that they you have to orgasm to something, you know.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_03: Even if it was, I don't know, somebody sniffing feet or something, and there's lots of strange things people want to orgasm to, they'd have to get to the scene, have to find a scene that that was that that that that that was there to be able to orgasm.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_03: She said, if I hadn't have spoken to you, I would have internalized it as there's something wrong with me.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not enough for this man.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_03: And she said, and I didn't.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_03: She said, I thought I know why he's like this, and actually, I don't know whether I want a relationship with this, and that's so powerful because I mean, I'm I'm married, I've been married for about 455 years.
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's like a Star Trek marriage that is hey.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_01: But even even I have had those feelings where things are not progressing the way I I want them to.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, moments where things are like this is not anyway, but um but it's it's internal.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's always and this is somebody who I I I've been with for m oh my god, almost 30 years in in all truth, you know?
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_01: And and it will still, when things don't go the way I envisioned them in any encounter, it's like, did I do something wrong?
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, was I not good enough?
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, was I did I forget the way he likes X whatever it is.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_01: But to have someone who validates and says, these are things that you should look for, and these are conversations that we can have, that is very powerful because I think and and I would probably take a guess that men probably do it too, you know, that they internalize or something doesn't, you know, go the way.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_04: Which goes back to the, hey, I'm not in the mood because I had my boss at work just made me feel like shit today, and I am not in the mental headspace.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_04: I can't sleep with you, I'm I just can't sleep with you tonight.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_04: And meanwhile, our our spouses, our husband's like, Well, why doesn't she want me?
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_04: Meanwhile, it has nothing to do with you.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_04: I am just having a bad day and I can't get in mental mind, whatever the case may be.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure there might be one, you know, a time or two where it was you.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_01: It might be you.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing is impossible, but I think that that's that's our go-to is oh, it's me.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_01: It must be me.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_01: What did I do?
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_01: What did I not do?
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_01: What how could I make this better?
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_03: But it's but it's so and that's the beauty of being able to yeah, because I think I I think what what I think that's easy to do.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um well, I I've come for I've got a very self-critical side to me, which I would call the sort of my ego side, me not so great side, which is hysterical, really, because it just comes in every so often.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_03: But because I have a dialogue with it, I ignore it and say, you know, don't be ridiculous and stuff like that, because I I welcome that in, but I don't choose to act from that place.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_03: I'd rather choose from a place of being in my sort of communication genius and to be able to communicate an erotic landscape.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_03: This is what I like on my landscape, these are the things I might like, you know.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and let's try those.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_03: What's our shared erotic landscape?
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_03: And when when something's happening in your sex life, it's to take you to the next level in your sex life, because all the research coming out is that the slower and more is more powerful because you can get the energy up between you.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um and it's it can be an it's of a more of an energetic sex, so you you'd have more like a full-body orgasm, you wouldn't just have this, like, you know, I think yeah, I think there's a I've had but I think the da I think there's some the podcast out there which talks about orgasms or so with all the different noises, you know.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_03: But you the porn.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sorry.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_03: I had to watch porn to work out what was going on.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_03: Now I've never made noises like that, and I've never heard noises like that in my life.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_03: That that I mean, what exactly is going on here, right?
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_03: That they are not, but I mean, really, sex sometimes might look boring, that's the thing.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_03: But if you're deeply connected to somebody and you've got this energy going between you, sexually you are aroused fully body, you are aroused right in your body.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, absolutely, and you cannot get better sex than that.
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_03: You cannot, right?
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_03: Because you you are at a level of intimacy, intimate, intimate connection with somebody, and you are fully embodying each other in that moment, and it doesn't have to be rushed, it's a beautiful, beautiful moment, and that is what is is coming across because porn doesn't give you that.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_03: Porn is a very fast because it has to be fast, positions so they can be filmed, um, so that it's not uh you know, people young people are thinking this is the way you do it, and it absolutely isn't the way you do it, really, because um it it isn't allowing you to connect through your heart, and if you're connected through your heart, um that's very powerful connection with somebody to connect like that, and then have that energy flowing through you.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_03: There's different there's there's different erotic blueprints.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'm actually an energetic, which I get, and so I'm turned on by energy.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_03: So that if you were if you were a sexual, you you'd be turned on by um sorts of body parts.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_03: If you were kink, it'd be doing something maybe a scratching or touching, um or a sensual, you could like, you know, um dim lights, candle, glass of wine, you know, on the bed of roses and all this business, you know.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know what it is you like.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna have all these.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_03: I've got I'm gonna go into goddess mode, you know, in these situations.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_03: I want it all right, yeah.
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_03: Right, they can all when I've been an overgiver all my life, I am now.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_03: I want to be the receiver.
• 58:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, so it it's about it's about knowing who you are.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_03: That to me was a massive moment.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_03: Um, learning I was an energetic because I realized then why um I think masculine women are energetic because they have to be turned on energetically, turned on in the heart.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_03: You see, your heart keeps you safe, it's not your head.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_03: Your heart tells your head you're safe.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_03: So if you're in survival, you're never going to be safe.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_03: So, unless you're working in your heart, unless you you you practice breathing in your heart, being in your heart, because this is another brain center, like your gut is a brain center, that your heart will send the signal to your brain that you're safe.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_03: So, unless you're connected emotionally, which is through your heart, you're still not going to be ready to reciproc reciprocate in in a loving, intimate moment, are you?
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_03: Because you're you're still in survival and then you lay there, you know, pack lunches tomorrow, and God, I haven't done that ironing.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_03: You know, hold on, we're having sex, hold on a second, you know, I've got to be in this, and there's no there's no build-up to it.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I have a little acronym that I use for relationships, it's called selfie.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_03: It's safe, easy, loving, fun, intimate, and energetic.
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I love that.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_04: I would have read that for the rest of my life.
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 1:00:23
  SPEAKER_03: Safe.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_03: You're not gonna get past go if you're not safe.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_03: Safe.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_03: You are just not gonna go anywhere unless you've got trauma, like like we said.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_03: I did I did when I was watching porn, and and I couldn't watch it's not it's not I I'm a very hearty person.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_03: It didn't it's there's some things were oh that's a bit cheeky, but actually what I saw was a lot of sexual trauma being replayed.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and because I could see it, um it didn't wasn't very pleasant, and some of the things that people were doing, I thought, you're not enjoying that, are you?
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_03: It's because you're anxious decently doing it.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_03: You're just doing it.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_04: So, Jenna, do you have anything coming up for you?
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_04: Anything big and exciting you want to share with us?
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh gosh.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_03: Well, actually, I do have.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_03: Um, well, I I entered an well, I entered an over 50s Jen Hardy's over 50s podcast awards.
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I was one of the winners there.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_03: So I was one of the top 50 winners in the the Jen Hardy show.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_03: So that was that was this weekend for the for the podcast.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_03: I am just about to revamp and go into the second series, and I'm opening a YouTube channel to put my podcasts on called the Heart Equation, and then that um in May I'll be launching my signature um relationship course of um all my work and moving more into a mentorship, um, and then from that I'll be moving into talking a little bit more um to do with children.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_03: Really, first of all, what I'd like to give people is a chance to have a decent relationship and really know a really loving relationship because that strengthens the family system.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_03: Every loving relationship is a strong point in a family system, and that is what I am passionate about is creating somebody in there who's prepared to do the work, do the self-awareness.
• 1:02:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I'll give them I'm gonna give everything everything I know in that course.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_03: Well, within reason, you can't say every, but as much as I possibly can, so that they can go like you've just been going, ah, right, I get that, I get that, I get that.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_03: So all of these things are in that course.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but I can only give people the tools and the education and the inspiration um in a quirky manner to be able to present that.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_03: So uh yeah, I I guess I'm making a pivot out of I've made the pivot out of relationship therapy to a wider audience because I I found I was repeating myself in the therapeutic room.
• 1:03:04
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:03:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um and w and people were going, oh right, it's that, is it, you know?
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_03: And and and and men were saying, tell me how tell me how I can sort this masculine out, and they wanted to know.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_03: Give it just write that down.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_03: What is it?
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_03: Because they just my fancy no man wants to wants to say or the well, oh I'm I'm I'm feminine, I'm a I'm a receiver, I'm not a giver.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, no, no, right.
• 1:03:31
  SPEAKER_04: They're like, wait, you know, that can't be right.
• 1:03:33
  SPEAKER_04: I need yeah, they need the they need like the the crib notes of how to do the masculine energy.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_04: Well exactly.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_03: They're just like is it a sheet?
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_03: Give me a sheet, give me a sheet.
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_03: I want to know what can I do.
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_04: Just give me the steps, right?
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_03: Just give me the steps to do it.
• 1:03:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like, just tell me what it is.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_04: What I feel like they it's hard for them to put together the work and doing it as opposed to just acting out the steps.
• 1:04:01
  SPEAKER_04: There's a difference between playing the part and doing the work.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but yeah, we love them anyway.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know why we do.
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_03: Well, well, we do, and and you know what?
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_03: I've I've just worked with such fantastic men that when when you unpick what's gone on in their background and where they are, you really understand where they're at.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I have a lot of comp I have I am absolutely in equal measures champion men and women, gender-free, um, you know, what the sexual identity, I've got absolutely no interest in that.
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_03: I'm only interested in you as an energetic being.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_03: You as a person being totally equal.
• 1:04:40
  SPEAKER_03: There's nothing, right?
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_03: We're both, we're everybody is a dance of masculine and feminine energy, everybody's a dance of push and pull.
• 1:04:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so whoever you want to be in that relationship, um, that whether it's mass the masculine lead or the feminine lead, just make sure each of you know.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_03: And then you can play around with that.
• 1:05:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean that.
• 1:05:06
  SPEAKER_03: For for a for a for a masculine-led female, the biggest challenge is to receive, to sit and receive.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_03: So unless you do, you do, uh, I've got activities that I can do to move for you to masculine and feminine and actually sense receiving, you know.
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_03: So if I was to sort of even even me, if I I was to compliment you and sort of say what an honour I feel it is to be here, um, and to take part in this and to be able to share some of my work at a pivotal moment because I'm just sort of launching into this next step of my career, which is spreading the message a little bit more.
• 1:05:47
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm really honoured to be even in this space on Mother's Day um to represent and to hold a torch for my mum who never had chance to really hold me and tell me that she loved me.
• 1:06:01
  SPEAKER_03: So today of all days is the perfect day, and I have the honour of being here.
• 1:06:07
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you hearing my work, which is really not just for me, it is it is for others like yourselves.
• 1:06:15
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, the receivership when I I give you that sort of the appreciation and compliment, as you feel that coming in, that's your receivership.
• 1:06:25
  SPEAKER_03: So if you if if some people find it even hard when you say, Oh, you look wobbly today, oh don't oh not me.
• 1:06:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, all that's a lovely dress.
• 1:06:37
  SPEAKER_03: Oh that's a sale one.
• 1:06:40
  SPEAKER_03: Well, hold on.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_03: How's about going hey yeah, thanks?
• 1:06:45
  SPEAKER_03: Just for that moment, let it come in.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_03: Let the energy come in and savour it just for that moment.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_03: And then you can be masculine and say, Thank you.
• 1:06:57
  SPEAKER_03: I appreciate that.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, that I'm gonna work on that because I'm really good to be like, oh shucks, or Well you yeah.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_04: I'm really gonna Yeah.
• 1:07:08
  SPEAKER_03: But you can even hold it and chuck it away.
• 1:07:10
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, don't.
• 1:07:12
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 1:07:13
  SPEAKER_04: Enjoy it.
• 1:07:14
  SPEAKER_04: Take the moment.
• 1:07:14
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, I'm gonna start.
• 1:07:15
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna have to start working on that.
• 1:07:17
  SPEAKER_04: Lisa, you an amazing co-host.
• 1:07:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:07:25
  SPEAKER_01: Lisa gonna say thank you to you though.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_01: But we'll call we're gonna practice with each other though.
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay, we'll practice.
• 1:07:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's an activity.
• 1:07:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:07:35
  SPEAKER_01: It is good from others.
• 1:07:36
  SPEAKER_04: We should actually start doing because it's easier just to brush it off and like, oh gee, like, oh you don't oh shucks.
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I love giving people compliments.
• 1:07:44
  SPEAKER_01: Same.
• 1:07:45
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like receiving them.
• 1:07:46
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm I'm awkward at receiving them, yeah.
• 1:07:49
  SPEAKER_03: So if you can see the masculine is the giving, the res so to come back is to receive it.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_03: And if you think of how it works, if I if we did the activity between yourselves, Lisa and Agnes, where you you complimented each other, I would say don't just wait to say thank you for a moment, don't say it straight away.
• 1:08:06
  SPEAKER_03: What you do is you're creating the infinity between you like that, which is if you think of the infinity sign, you're creating masculine, feminine, and that's where your balance and harmony comes in a relationship, is to have that between you so that you know what it feels like to give and you know what it feels like to receive.
• 1:08:27
  SPEAKER_04: I um that is actually probably the best thing ever.
• 1:08:32
  SPEAKER_04: I I can if we have to end this, that is a perfect ending message with the affinity and the masculine and feminine energy working together as one.
• 1:08:46
  SPEAKER_03: You feel how that feels and that changes relationships.
• 1:08:51
  SPEAKER_04: It feels it feels good right now that's listening to it.
• 1:08:54
  SPEAKER_04: I'm saying Yeah.
• 1:08:55
  SPEAKER_03: It it it feels good and it's it's warm and it's safe.
• 1:09:01
  SPEAKER_04: So we actually have um a thing that we do, and we were supposed to do it at the beginning, but we could do it now to wrap up this episode.
• 1:09:09
  SPEAKER_04: We like to ask, like to put our guests in a hot seat, and we ask you silly questions.
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, let's do this, yeah.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_04: Let's do this.
• 1:09:18
  SPEAKER_04: She's like, wait, at first you got scared.
• 1:09:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I have to pull up my silly question because if I don't write them down, I forget them.
• 1:09:25
  SPEAKER_04: I think we have to.
• 1:09:26
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, Janet, what is the strangest food combination you've ever enjoyed?
• 1:09:32
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, the strangest food combination.
• 1:09:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's a really hard one, that isn't it?
• 1:09:40
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, is this do we have to give you marks out of 10 for it being really hard?
• 1:09:46
  SPEAKER_03: So a combination probably is um Do you know?
• 1:09:53
  SPEAKER_03: I don't really know.
• 1:09:54
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think I'm a really a combination person.
• 1:09:56
  SPEAKER_03: I think probably maybe non-combination.
• 1:10:00
  SPEAKER_03: That's a good one.
• 1:10:01
  SPEAKER_03: That's weird because yesterday I I picked on a few sausage rolls and then I just cooked some broccoli on its own and egg broccoli.
• 1:10:09
  SPEAKER_03: So it was very it was a weird combination, but it was sort of like um individual Yeah, individual, yeah, yeah.
• 1:10:18
  SPEAKER_03: I you see what an overgiver can often be very difficult to self-care and receive, and so even in the food wise to feed oneself, um I c you see, so there's a few little things there that come up with me and my food, so a combination.
• 1:10:34
  SPEAKER_03: Unless you th I mean I used to think this what you have with peanut butter and and jello or jam, it's a I'd say I I can't I just came in my mind.
• 1:10:43
  SPEAKER_03: I thought I think that's weird, but it does actually taste quite nice.
• 1:10:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I would say I will accept that.
• 1:10:49
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 1:10:52
  SPEAKER_01: My silly question is which superpower would you not want?
• 1:11:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's superpower.
• 1:11:03
  SPEAKER_03: The superpower I wouldn't want was to be totally to read somebody's mind.
• 1:11:10
  SPEAKER_04: I can see why that would be because I know what goes on in my mind.
• 1:11:18
  SPEAKER_03: And if if I ever if that ever seeped out and I and this is why I've got a bizarre sense, I've had too many years with Monty Python and all these sorts of funny things, right?
• 1:11:31
  SPEAKER_03: My mind just goes wild.
• 1:11:34
  SPEAKER_03: So I wouldn't want to know because also it would mean that it would impert my ability to be non-judgmental to them.
• 1:11:43
  SPEAKER_03: And I I I one of my superpowers is to um really get and understand that there's always a reason for behaviour.
• 1:11:55
  SPEAKER_03: So even if somebody isn't particularly nice or they they are off or whatever, or they come across as a bit like that, uh, I would be able to unr I would might not like it, I might not be, I wouldn't accept it.
• 1:12:08
  SPEAKER_03: Doesn't mean I've got to accept it or like it, but I would be able to have some compassion towards that person.
• 1:12:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um, because I would have um I would have an understanding where that where they were.
• 1:12:21
  SPEAKER_03: So I think that would certainly be plus you'd never be able to keep a straight face, would you go?
• 1:12:27
  SPEAKER_03: Me Imagine that'd be brilliant, wouldn't it?
• 1:12:33
  SPEAKER_04: We were all we would have to get like Botox just to keep our expressions from showing.
• 1:12:37
  SPEAKER_04: Because I'm very expressive in my face, so we'll stop it.
• 1:12:42
  SPEAKER_04: That's funny.
• 1:12:46
  SPEAKER_05: Good questions, actually.
• 1:12:48
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:12:48
  SPEAKER_04: That's a good one, Lisa.
• 1:12:50
  SPEAKER_04: I kind of remember that one.
• 1:12:51
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 1:12:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:12:52
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I suppose thank you so quick.
• 1:12:54
  SPEAKER_04: And oh sorry, if you're right.
• 1:12:57
  SPEAKER_03: Well, well, now you both know you can both be you can both be vigilant with each other on the on yeah.
• 1:13:05
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, do you know for some people it's so hard to to even receive?
• 1:13:09
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, you know, I was saying, hold this, hold this hot brick.
• 1:13:14
  SPEAKER_03: Oh God, I'm only asking you to receive something.
• 1:13:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, settle down, you know.
• 1:13:19
  SPEAKER_03: Oh receive.
• 1:13:20
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, I can't do it.
• 1:13:21
  SPEAKER_03: I'd rather hold a hand brick, I think, sometimes.
• 1:13:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, well, some people could because oh not me, I don't deserve it.
• 1:13:26
  SPEAKER_03: But can you see where you're coming from?
• 1:13:28
  SPEAKER_03: Excuse me.
• 1:13:29
  SPEAKER_03: I do deserve to receive, otherwise, you're totally imbalanced.
• 1:13:32
  SPEAKER_03: You're doing it for the uh the energy, all the energy field wants is you to be balanced.
• 1:13:36
  SPEAKER_03: Balance.
• 1:13:37
  SPEAKER_03: I can Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:13:40
  SPEAKER_03: We are love-seeking orgasms, orgasms, no love not love-seeking orgasms, that's a good one, isn't it?
• 1:13:46
  SPEAKER_03: Love brilliant love-seeking organisms.
• 1:13:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and and in that seeking that that's um, the seeking first of all starts by the things that's happened in childhood, but from that, the energy field will balance everything out, so it's seeking to create little ruptures so that you balance out.
• 1:14:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so love comes in different forms like that.
• 1:14:09
  SPEAKER_03: Love isn't just the great gooey bits and lubby bit, it's actually love can come in the form of something that that feels really challenging, but the aftermath has an incredible amount of love to be offered and wisdom to be gained.
• 1:14:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:14:31
  SPEAKER_01: We want to say thank you so much.
• 1:14:34
  SPEAKER_01: This I I I this has been fascinating.
• 1:14:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like so fascinating, so enlightening.
• 1:14:43
  SPEAKER_01: And we really can't thank you enough for being here and you know, doing an episode with us.
• 1:14:50
  SPEAKER_01: And we we're gonna put all your information in the show notes so that everyone can find you.
• 1:14:55
  SPEAKER_01: But is there anything that you'd like to plug or share with listeners before we wrap up?
• 1:15:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'd like to say that everybody is has a a level of worthiness and enoughness to meet a beautiful partner for each other.
• 1:15:15
  SPEAKER_03: And that has that that starts by looking at your own behaviors and and being and and being um having the courage to do that.
• 1:15:27
  SPEAKER_03: And if you follow my work, you I I will present that to you um in different forms to help you understand your patterns so that you don't you can go, ah, I'm being a fixer again.
• 1:15:40
  SPEAKER_03: Because a fixer, when they fix, they don't acknowledge any emotions.
• 1:15:45
  SPEAKER_03: So if you had a mother who fixed the child every time, they've never had them with the emotions time to develop.
• 1:15:51
  SPEAKER_03: So they're gonna have low-level intimacy.
• 1:15:54
  SPEAKER_03: So if you know you're a fixer, you can go, oof, I think I'm fixing again.
• 1:16:00
  SPEAKER_03: And so if you acknowledge, uh um hearing you're feeling sad.
• 1:16:05
  SPEAKER_03: Um so when you're ready, maybe we can work together on you know, doing something to sort this out.
• 1:16:14
  SPEAKER_03: So you're not initially cutting off all those those emotions.
• 1:16:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um and all my my work will be out in May for my um my signature heart equation.
• 1:16:27
  SPEAKER_03: So thank you.
• 1:16:28
  SPEAKER_03: I've I've had an absolutely lovely time.
• 1:16:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um, a very uh beautiful experience, and very grateful that we met and we connected and we just got on well, and that's the beauty of being in a creative space.
• 1:16:41
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely, yeah.
• 1:16:43
  SPEAKER_04: I gotta say, it was I it was the energies matched instantly.
• 1:16:48
  SPEAKER_04: It was love at first sight.
• 1:16:50
  SPEAKER_04: It was podcast love at first sight.
• 1:16:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well but we're both we're both we're both what we're doing all three of us in our both different um creative ventures.
• 1:17:03
  SPEAKER_03: Also is to encourage others to, you know, if you want to podcast, podcast.
• 1:17:08
  SPEAKER_03: If you've got a story, tell your story.
• 1:17:10
  SPEAKER_03: If you've got something inspirational you'd like to share, share it.
• 1:17:14
  SPEAKER_03: Somebody out there will love to hear your story and learn the wisdom from it.
• 1:17:19
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's ageless.
• 1:17:22
  SPEAKER_04: I concur.
• 1:17:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, and it's a great way to meet creative people and a different way to be creative.
• 1:17:30
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't all have to be painting of arts and your creativity creativity, it's an expression of your heart to be able to deliver and share something that is from your heart and to share that with others, yeah, absolutely.
• 1:17:42
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm very grateful of I've had a little space to share some of the work that I've have done and uh I'm creating to support others in the maybe dating journey as well, which um is a whole new world for anybody who's never dated before and have to navigate people's the ghosting and everything else.
• 1:18:06
  SPEAKER_03: So it's it is hard, yeah.
• 1:18:09
  SPEAKER_03: And and everybody doesn't have the courage to stay with it.
• 1:18:12
  SPEAKER_03: So a lot of people are lonely.
• 1:18:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I would hope that's um that's to inspire some people to actually have a go at dating, even if it it doesn't go the way they want it initially.
• 1:18:24
  SPEAKER_03: If you if you can learn about yourself, uh and express what you want, there's always somebody out there for you.
• 1:18:30
  SPEAKER_03: That's the that that is a law.
• 1:18:32
  SPEAKER_03: You're always gonna meet somebody who you're gonna match with.
• 1:18:35
  SPEAKER_03: But you're never gonna meet somebody if you if you're a hermit and you've got all your doors closed and your your curtains shut out.
• 1:18:42
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, we have to do something, even even if it's even if it's letting yourself out on one of these apps and you go.
• 1:18:52
  SPEAKER_01: We want to say thank you to everyone for listening to this episode.
• 1:18:56
  SPEAKER_01: We encourage everyone to go check out Janet in her natural environment.
• 1:19:03
  SPEAKER_01: All of her links, everything on how to find her will be in the show notes.
• 1:19:08
  SPEAKER_01: As always, we say drink responsibly, don't drink and drive.
• 1:19:11
  SPEAKER_01: And you can also visit us in sassyssips.com for more ways to connect with our show and obviously our guests.
• 1:19:19
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, I'm Lisa and I'm Agnes, and we are out of here.
• 1:19:25
  SPEAKER_01: See you later.
• 1:19:25
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.
• 1:19:26
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.
• 1:19:27
  SPEAKER_05: Bye, bye.
• 1:19:37
  SPEAKER_03: We can hit blast off, but I have to have this very special, very special thing, and it's called um my pearly shine lip um balm.
• 1:19:48
  SPEAKER_03: So I'll be fully ready when I've got this on.
• 1:19:52
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 1:19:52
  SPEAKER_03: So hold the show until I've got my lip balm on.
• 1:19:55
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, hold on.
• 1:19:56
  SPEAKER_03: Hold on.
• 1:19:58
  SPEAKER_04: Agnes, where's yours?
• 1:19:59
  SPEAKER_04: I actually put it on right before we went on.
• 1:20:02
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 1:20:02
  SPEAKER_04: And I love this little thing.
• 1:20:04
  SPEAKER_04: It has a little has the the top with a little spreader.
• 1:20:09
  SPEAKER_05: Oh.
• 1:20:10
  SPEAKER_04: And then you take it off and you just use it to Oh my godness.
• 1:20:16
  SPEAKER_04: And it keeps I'm obsessed.
• 1:20:19
  SPEAKER_04: And I can't remember the name of the the brand.
• 1:20:21
  SPEAKER_04: I can't remember the name of the brand, but I'm obsessed.
• 1:20:24
  SPEAKER_03: It's nice to have a little bit of something, isn't it?
• 1:20:27
  SPEAKER_03: I noticed you had was yours a little glossy stick.
• 1:20:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 1:20:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 1:20:31
  SPEAKER_03: And I love that.
• 1:20:33
  SPEAKER_03: What is that?
• 1:20:34
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, is that NARS?
• 1:20:35
  SPEAKER_03: NARS.
• 1:20:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's nice.
• 1:20:37
  SPEAKER_03: As long as it's not one of those lip pumpers, so by the time we come to the end of the setting, you'll your whole lips are the size of the screen.
• 1:20:43
  SPEAKER_03: Can you imagine that?