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Restoring Crumbling Foundations · Overwhelmed to Overcomer

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Welcome friend to this latest episode of She Consider a Field.
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Thank you for being here.
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Thank you for being part of this mission that we're on to grow closer to the Lord,
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to be able to walk with Him with deeper intimacy and through that process.
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Like this is not about just go out and be good.
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That's useless.
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Okay.
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Go forth loving the Lord more deeply and through that process.
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of allowing Him to change you and shape you, allowing Him to show you what a
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sweet, loving, generous, gracious, compassionate, merciful God He is, kind of
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aligning our hearts to His.
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We will inevitably have impact, both deep through our children, into the
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generations, and wide to other people, through our businesses.
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through our communities, wherever we put our feet.
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Okay, that's what this is about.
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So we're gonna open in prayer.
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Lord, give me words.
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Give me words today.
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Help me to bless the people who hear this.
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And Lord, I just pray that the people who need this will hear this today.
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And those who don't need this will not feel like they need to just check one more
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box.
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I know what it is to wanna binge every episode of something.
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May they feel free to just follow your nudge.
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If you're saying, now's a great time for a walk with me.
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Now's a great time for connecting with your people.
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Now's a great time for rest.
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Maybe now is a great time for a podcast.
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And Lord, I thank you so much that they've chosen to listen to this one.
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Bless them, lead them and guide them.
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And Lord, I pray that you would give me the words to speak today, especially
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because I feel so tender about this topic.
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Thank you.
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Okay, friend.
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So I initially entitled this, Settle the Thing, because that's how I talk.
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But we're calling this instead, Restoring Crumbling Foundations, because I feel like
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it's a little bit more of a visual for people who are just scrolling through to
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go, OK, I think I kind of get what that's about.
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But let me lay it out a little bit more.
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Maybe I will change the name again.
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But that's what I'm planning on right now when I record this episode.
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OK.
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Especially as women, especially as women with a lot of plates spinning, homeschool
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moms, entrepreneur moms, moms with littles, whatever hats you are wearing.
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It is so common for us to encounter an area of hurt, betrayal, loss,
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disappointment, overwhelm, uncertainty, fear.
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And we look at the to -do list and we look at the needs around us.
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And at some point we kind of just pick up our pack and go, we'll just keep going.
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There's, there's things to do.
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There are people who need me and I'm just going to let that ache and that wound kind
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of simmer and fester in the background.
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and do my best to soldier on.
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So this is your invitation today to sit down.
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You may hate that I'm inviting you to do this right now, to sit down and unpack
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that thing, to lay it before the Lord, like we talked before, has Achaia lays his
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pages before the Lord in the temple and say, I believe that you can heal me on the
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run, on the go, right?
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Not running away from Him, but while still in motion, while still living life.
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I believe that you can heal me even then.
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And I want healing from you.
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I want deeper intimacy with you.
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So that's the conversation I wanted to invite you guys into, because we can kind
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of like leave things undone, leave things unhandled because it just feels too big,
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because we're limited.
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Okay?
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So the reason this is important is because a lot, a lot happens in the course of our
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lives.
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We lose someone we love.
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We lose a pet.
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We get into a business deal that doesn't go the way we think it should.
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A friend says something hurtful.
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A child says something hurtful.
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A spouse says something hurtful.
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Okay, right?
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And we just kind of keep on rolling.
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And what we don't realize is that if we haven't brought it before the Lord for
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healing, if we haven't walked out forgiveness, if we haven't walked out
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reconciliation, if we haven't walked out.
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really receiving his healing balm, then we can start to have these niggling beliefs
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that can start to creep into our words and our thoughts and our actions, okay?
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The thoughts actually come first, our thoughts and our words and our actions,
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okay?
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We think that the circumstances dictate our lives, but it's really the
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interpretation that we have made about the circumstances.
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that dictate what we do in our lives, OK?
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This is a principle that I work with my clients a lot about with coaching, this
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idea that if such and such hadn't happened, that I, then I would not be
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where I am.
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And, and whatever happened is actually, I'm going to say, I'm going to use the
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word neutral, not because it might not have been traumatic and catastrophic and
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all of these things.
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But the event itself does not dictate the result that's going to take place.
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It's the belief that we have about the event itself that dictates the result.
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OK?
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And so that's why you see people kind of grow up with these hero stories of, I was,
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you know, I was abandoned as a child and I grew up in poverty.
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I never had a family.
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And then now I'm, you know, running this huge corporation or now I've got this
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amazing ministry or whatever it might be, because our circumstances do not have to
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dictate.
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our reality.
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Okay?
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But if we don't do the work, then there's this kind of ditch that we'll fall into.
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And usually, there are some pretty common places that we that we like to end up.
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One of mine in my 20s and well into my 30s was there's something wrong with me.
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Whatever was going on, that it was not uncommon when I really started unpacking
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what I thought about the circumstance.
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that the end result that I had at my conclusion was there's something wrong
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with me.
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I had to clean house.
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I had to go through and really press into the Lord and say, what do you say?
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What do you say about my identity?
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What do you say about my ability to accomplish anything of any use?
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I don't know.
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I'm pretty sure I've not given you guys my whole story, but just a little bit.
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about me was I had reached a point in my 20s of deep crisis to the point where I
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spent a summer basically asking the Lord to take my life.
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Like that was how I spent my time that summer.
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Not very productive, okay?
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But desperate, absolutely desperate because this house of cards that I had
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built was crumbling all around, okay?
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And that's why I'm calling, that's why I'm talking about this conversation right here
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as restoring crumbling foundations, because wherever we have a faulty belief
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about ourselves or about God, which really those two go hand in hand, if we have a
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faulty belief about ourselves, it's because of having a faulty belief about
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God.
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For example, if we say, I can't accomplish anything and we just leave it there,
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there's a, and this is where it's so tricky.
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And this is a trick the enemy likes to play and we tend to agree with it.
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Right?
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The enemy can do nothing to you that you don't agree with.
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Okay?
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Because you are in Christ.
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You are covered by His blood.
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You are under His protection.
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Okay?
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So if you're feeling like tormented and stuff like that, you are under the
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covering of Christ.
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So you get to create a wall and say, no, you can come no further than the Lord
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allows.
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And if the Lord allows, then I claim Romans 8 28.
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And I say that my God works all things together for good.
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because I love him and I'm called according to his purposes.
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Okay?
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So where was I?
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Okay, we were talking about everything was hard.
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I got all excited and then I lost it.
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So I'm gonna pause for just a second and collect myself.
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Obviously, Leslie, we're cutting all this.
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I don't think I can rewind in this.
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I have no idea what I was talking about.
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I know that you know, and you're like, remember?
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say 28.
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Okay, I think I got it.
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Okay, so there's this measure of truth, right?
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I can't accomplish anything.
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That's like true without Christ, but we have him, okay?
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And so when we sit in like, I can't accomplish anything or for me there's
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something wrong with me or, oh, I'm such a screw up or I blew it again or of course
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there I go again.
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That is a partial truth that the enemy is gonna use to take you out.
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and you're a child of God, you cannot afford to be taken out.
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The kingdom of God needs you.
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Okay.
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So you need you, your family needs you, right?
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The Lord in his gracious mercy has chosen to need you.
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And I'm going to put that, that's kind of like an air quotes.
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Does he actually need us?
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No, but he deigns to, um, to entrust to us pieces of his kingdom.
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Okay.
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Just like the parable of the talents that I love so much that we talked about in a
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prior episode.
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Okay, so we grab hold of these partial truths and we start to lean into them
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instead of leaning into what the Lord has to say to us, which is you can do all
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things through Christ who strengthens you, okay?
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You're fully equipped to shoulder the task that he has called you to do, all right?
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And so we gotta take a look, and this is Holy Spirit work, and so that's why I just
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felt so tender.
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in praying over this podcast because my heart for you guys is that he would reveal
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to you an area, we're just gonna pray for that right now.
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Lord, I ask that you would minister to every woman listening to this podcast and
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that you in your kindness and your gentleness would ever so graciously reveal
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to every single woman listening who is willing an area where there is a crumbling
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foundation.
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place that you are inviting them in your kindness to revisit, to heal, to be
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touched by you so that they can stand strong and straight and love the work that
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you have called them to do.
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Amen.
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Okay, so that's my heart for you guys, that for each of us, me too, that we would
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be able to, a friend of mine, she and her family say spot the lie, that we'd be able
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to spot the lie that we have believed.
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that has left our foundation crumbling.
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Okay?
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So we hear about Christ as the cornerstone in scripture and most of us are not
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builders, okay?
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We don't understand the significance of a cornerstone where if the cornerstone is
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not properly laid, then the whole building is going to be unstable and it's off
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kilter, right?
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If it's tilted a little bit to the side because it's the thing on which everything
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else is built, okay?
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But I like to think of our lives as structures.
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So maybe you went back, and I feel like this is true for a lot of us in our 20s
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when we were single, there's all the time in the world to go to the prayer meetings
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and the Bible studies and go to the conferences and we kind of get cleaned up
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on the regular.
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There's another layer of healing.
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There's another layer of revelation.
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When I was in my 20s, I got prayed over.
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There's this beautiful prayer ministry that I'm sure it's still going on, but...
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They do prayers for conception to birth.
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And so you get prayed over for this period of time in your life where your soul is
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fully formed, but your, but your mental faculties and your physical abilities and
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all that are literally embryonic.
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And it was amazing what came up during that time.
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I'm a little bit of a spiritual mutt, I like to say.
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I, I, I love, I have,
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gleaned gifts from just about every faith tradition in the Christian Church, from
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Episcopal to Charismatic to Presbyterian to, I went to a Catholic church for a
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little bit, like just, I see all of the, I see a little glimmer of God's goodness in
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all of these different spots.
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Baptist, I don't know, what are the other ones?
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Lots of them.
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Okay, so I'm like, I need a longer list, but those are the ones I remember that I
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went to.
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Okay.
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So I got deliverance prayer, changed my life, healing prayer, soaking prayer,
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going to the Bible studies and digging in deep in the more Presbyterian model.
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And there was just this wealth of knowledge and growth that was coming.
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Then we get married and start having babies.
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And there's no time for nothing.
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We talked to another episode, I believe, about basically like, leave your Bible
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open on the kitchen counter so you can snatch a word as you walk by.
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play it on the Alexa, right?
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Or play worship music or play hymns so that you're just taking it in in the midst
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of those crazy sleep deprived years.
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It becomes harder to clean things up, but I'm gonna say right now it is not
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impossible, okay?
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So we're gonna talk through this process.
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The invitation I'm extending to each of you today is to start by taking an
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inventory.
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Simply ask the Lord.
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Right now, you don't have to wait.
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Is there anything that I haven't dealt with that you are calling me to deal with
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today?
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Any hurts, any betrayals, any like wrong view of you Lord that you are calling me
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to take a look at?
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So the list of things that I've, that I came up with are things like grief, losing
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a loved one, betrayal, loss, fear, hurt, disappointment, defeat, sickness,
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weariness.
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lack of victory.
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Okay.
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If we try to keep going friends, that foundation, okay, so we talked about
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Christ is the chief cornerstone.
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I didn't finish my thought.
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Okay, Christ is the chief cornerstone.
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Yes, I did.
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Then we build this building up and say there's that year where your mom passes
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away or your baby gets really sick or you realize that somebody's got a
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developmental delay and you start doing therapy and it's not really working.
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or somebody gets injured, you have a financial setback, somebody says something
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and the relationship is never the same again, and then you keep going.
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And all of a sudden you look back and that's been three or four years ago and
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you're like, ah, man, I haven't thought about that in a while.
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Or you'll notice, and this might be what the Lord brings clarity to today, you'll
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notice that there's something that you once had that you no longer have.
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It might be innocence that, you know, this belief that everything's going to be okay
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and you lost that.
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It might be this kind of boldness and courage in relationship, and now you
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shrink back a little bit more.
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It might be hope, and now you're a little bit more cynical.
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Those changes, like when we go through something, there is this sense of maturing
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where...
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We can't unsee what we've seen, right?
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You can't un -be with someone walking through hard things.
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You can't un -see that you prayed for something in beautiful faith and hope and
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it didn't come to pass.
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But there is a way to be content, right?
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Paul says, I've learned to be content no matter my circumstances.
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And so although there is this element of maturing in the faith where we do come to
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face things where we say, okay, I know it's possible, right?
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Like there's a seasoning that needs to happen, but it doesn't mean we need to,
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like that does not necessarily mean that we, it does not mean.
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I'm just gonna stand on that.
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It does not mean that our only choice is to live in bitterness, discouragement,
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despair, defeat, shutdown.
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Okay?
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Quite the opposite.
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We need to wrestle through the thing with God where we can say, like Job did, even
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if you slay me, I will trust in you.
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Okay?
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I'm gonna actually, I'm gonna open that up.
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We gotta look at it because, okay, so in Job...
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Job 13, my version actually says, though he slay me, I will hope in him.
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And this basically like, he's getting ready to bring his case before the Lord.
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And he's saying, I'm going to talk, let me have silence and I will speak and let come
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on me what may.
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Okay, why should I take my flesh and my teeth and put my life in my hand?
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Though he slay me, I will hope in him.
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yet I will argue my ways to his face." Okay.
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And then the notes of my Bible, which is the ESV, says, the salvation Job hopes for
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is that he will be able to make his case before God and that God will be his
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Redeemer.
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Okay.
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So we have to say, and I came to a point with the Lord, probably about four or five
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years ago, where I had decided, so my dad got cancer when I was
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13.
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And so we went from having an intact family when I was 10 to my parents
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divorcing, my dad remarrying.
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We moved a few times in a very short period of time trying to figure out who
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was going to live where between the two families.
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And then my dad got sick with cancer and then was paralyzed permanently.
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within a few months of that from the chemotherapy.
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He was on an experimental chemotherapy.
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So all of this happened between the ages of really like, yeah, late 10 to early 13.
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So about two and a half years.
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And I had become a Christian during that time.
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There weren't other believers in my family initially.
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My dad went on to be saved.
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Sorry, Leslie, we'll cut that.
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My dad went on to be saved.
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during that time, towards the tail end of that time.
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But I had kind of built this formula in my mind that said, whatever I surrender to
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the Lord will be taken.
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So if I surrender my marriage, if I surrender my children, if I surrender my
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own life, he's gonna take it.
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And so I felt this resistance, like I have to manage this because I don't want you to
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have it.
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And it went well into my...
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probably my early thirties, there came a point where I could not, I kept coming
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before the Lord.
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I kept doing my quiet times.
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You know, I should, there was a lot of growth during that time.
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And let me just tell you this, no shame, no shame.
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If you go, it's been 20 years since I, since I thought about that thing or since
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I let the Lord touch it.
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It's been five decades since I let the Lord touch that hurt.
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No shame.
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He brings it up in his perfect timing.
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Okay, our job is to come before him.
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And even if you've been in hiding, like I was at points during that season, listen,
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like we're dust, we're dust friends and he knows this and he has so much grace and
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mercy and compassion on us.
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That is why God came to earth as a baby for the sole purpose of living a perfect
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life and dying.
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And he did it exactly.
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He fulfilled every single law that was written.
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He showed us what was truly expected.
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Okay, that's why he's always breaking the Sabbath because he's remodeling for us
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what true rest is to be.
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Okay.
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And then because he fulfilled everything, death could not hold him.
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Okay.
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You're good.
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Like that's why he came.
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Okay.
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So no shame about how long it's been since you looked through whatever.
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It's okay.
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So for me,
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had this little protective thing around my husband and my children.
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And here's what happens.
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When we have something that we're shielding from the Lord, it becomes our
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place of greatest anxiety because we know that we can't protect it truly.
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And so now what we think is sacrifice is really the way that we get resurrection
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for the thing that we love so much, right?
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Because now when we truly lay it at the Lord's feet, and this is what happened
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with,
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with Abraham and Isaac.
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It was when he laid his son on the altar that the ram was provided, okay?
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And this is what he wants us to understand.
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When we say whatever, whatever you will to do, that's actually when we get the thing
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back fully.
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Prior to me hitting this breaking point where it's like I can't protect everything
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anymore, I lived in a lot of fear of something happening to my husband because
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my dad,
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had gotten sick in a way that felt very traumatic to me.
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He dropped me off at school feeling kind of crummy.
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He's like, I don't know what's up with this flu.
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I just can't shake it.
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But he was headed to the doctors.
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And then that afternoon, I got picked up by my stepmom.
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And he's in the hospital.
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But I realized later on the cancer floor, but they didn't tell me at that time.
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And we don't know if he's going to make it.
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The type of cancer that he had was 100 % fatality at that time.
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And then they had this experimental.
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and half the people died anyway, and then half of those who lived had a spinal
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spinal cord injury.
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And now it's a very treatable kind of cancer.
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It's crazy, right?
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It's timing.
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But what do we what do we do with that?
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Well, I, I sheltered things from the Lord.
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I said, I'm going to take care of my husband and children.
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You can have my job, you can have my you can have our finances.
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You can have our house, you can have like our all our stuff, you can have that.
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You know, I'll even let you have like my extended family, my friends, but not this.
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And so whenever my husband was late, for sure it was a car accident.
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Whenever my children were sick, I was sure it was serious.
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Because wherever we have not allowed the Lord access, all we're left with is our
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own strength.
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And it is not much to bank on.
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So I reached a point.
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where I was like, I am pretty much positive that if I lay my husband and
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children at your feet, you're gonna take them.
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But I cannot stand this gap between you and I any longer.
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Because I knew what it was.
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I knew I was self -protecting.
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And so it was that point that Job talks about, even if you slay me, I will trust
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in you.
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And...
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And Moses talks about this so beautifully in Exodus as well.
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So he says, let me pull it up.
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So in Exodus 33, and let's see what has just happened.
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Oh my gosh, y 'all.
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The golden calf just happened is what happened.
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Like this is where Aaron is like, I don't know, they gave me this jewelry and out
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popped a calf, right?
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It's like just bonkers, bonkers, all because Moses was gone too long.
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And I'm sure as mothers, you recognize that place of like bad things happen when
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people are gone too long.
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When mama's gone too long, going to the bathroom or taking a shower, bad things
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happen.
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Okay?
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Bad things happened when Moses was gone too long.
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And so the Lord in his kindness actually gives the Israelites the opportunity, many
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died, but he gives them the opportunity for those who are still alive to continue
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on to the promised land.
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Okay.
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So this is Exodus 33.
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The Lord said to Moses, depart.
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Go up from here, you and the people whom you have brought up out of the land of
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Egypt to the land of which I swore to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, saying to your
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offspring, I will give it.
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I will send an angel before you.
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So no longer the Lord's presence.
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I will send an angel before you.
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And I will drive out the Canaanites, the Amorites, the Hittites, the Parasites, the
25:36
Hivites, and the Jebusites.
25:37
Go up to a land flowing with milk and honey.
25:40
But I will not go up among you lest I consume you on the way, for you are a
25:46
stiff -necked people.
25:48
Okay, so the Lord's basically saying you've blown it so bad that the only way
25:53
you can still have everything I promised you, but you can't have me because my
26:00
holiness and your obstinance cannot coexist.
26:04
I will destroy you.
26:07
And then, so the people start mourning.
26:11
And then Moses says,
26:14
see you say to me, bring up this people, that you have not let me know whom you
26:17
will send with me.
26:19
Yet you have said, I know you by name, and you have also found favor in my sight.
26:22
Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways
26:25
that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight.
26:29
Consider too that this nation is your people." And the Lord said, My presence
26:33
will go with you and I will give you rest.
26:35
And Moses is still like, I want to make sure I know what's happening here.
26:38
And he said to him, If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from
26:42
here.
26:43
For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I in your
26:46
people?
26:47
Is it not in your going with us so that we are distinct, I in your people from every
26:50
other people on the face of the earth?
26:54
And then the Lord said to Moses, this very thing that you have spoken, I will do for
26:58
you have found favor in my sight and I know you by name.
27:00
Okay.
27:02
So, Oh man, do I want to keep telling like there's so much more.
27:06
Okay.
27:06
I'm just going to tell you guys this, I'm going to, I'm going to speak this as
27:10
almost like a blessing over you.
27:11
We're going to tuck it in right now because the same, the same, so basically
27:16
what's going on right now is Moses is like, we're not going like, who cares
27:22
about the promised land if we don't have you.
27:24
Don't send us out without you.
27:26
And then because of his faithfulness, because of his love for the Lord, the Lord
27:32
says, okay, I will go with you.
27:34
And then we, and then this is the passage where the Lord shows Moses his goodness.
27:39
Okay.
27:40
And the Lord passed before him and proclaimed, and I just want you to know,
27:45
as we're digging out these hard things and giving the Lord permission to give us a
27:49
deeper healing, this is who he is.
27:52
The Lord.
27:53
the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast
27:59
love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and
28:04
transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the
28:09
iniquity of the fathers, of the fathers on the children and the children's children
28:12
to the third and the fourth generation.
28:15
And he says elsewhere in scripture that he visits blessings to the thousands
28:20
generation, which I had never done this math before.
28:23
But I gave a talk at our youth group at church and shared about this verse.
28:27
And they were like, the 1 ,000th generation literally has not even happened
28:30
yet.
28:31
So we've got so many blessings that have come down already.
28:35
And you, friend, are going to offer so many more to your children because of your
28:39
faithfulness.
28:40
So we need to have that heart of Moses that says, I don't want to walk into any
28:48
blessings if I don't have you with me.
28:50
OK?
29:00
If we try to do otherwise, we're building on tough foundations and it just does not
29:05
work.
29:06
Just like what I described with my fear around losing my husband, because I was
29:11
working off a faulty foundation.
29:13
And so to finish that story, I laid my children and my husband at his feet,
29:18
literally sure that I would lose them that month.
29:22
Like that is how ingrained this dysfunctional equation had become in my
29:29
mind.
29:30
But what truly happened is I was set free.
29:33
They now belong to the Lord.
29:34
And whenever I have those little bouts of worry, which is not very much anymore, you
29:39
guys, like it really does pass.
29:42
I know that I know that I know that I know that God could work that to good too,
29:51
because I love him and I'm called according to his purpose.
29:54
And I say that with all reverence for what a hard, hard walk that would be.
30:00
but I declare it because that's what he says, you know?
30:06
Okay.
30:07
So.
30:09
Here's the process.
30:12
First, we're going to recognize we think we can't stop doing because we've got
30:19
people who need us.
30:21
But the path to serving those who need us well is to stop doing and let him love us
30:30
there.
30:31
We're going to give ourselves permission to do less.
30:36
There was this great advertisement sometime in the nineties that lived on my
30:39
bulletin board forever.
30:41
And it was a picture of a little dog on a brown leather sofa and it said, do less,
30:44
have more.
30:46
Okay.
30:46
It's always stuck with me.
30:47
So we are going to do less that we might have more first of the father.
30:54
And then all other things are added to us from there, right?
30:58
We become more effective.
31:00
We become more loving.
31:01
We become more peaceful and all things kind of settle into their proper place.
31:06
Okay.
31:08
The world does not need us as much as we think.
31:12
It is okay to start saying no to some things to carve out some time for this
31:17
work.
31:18
And it never takes as long as you think.
31:20
If you're dealing with a really old loss, a really old hurt, a really old lie, we
31:27
like to tell ourselves that it's gonna take like a three month long retreat in
31:32
the Himalayan mountains for us to recover from this thing and really get the right
31:36
face on God.
31:37
He can work in small margins, but the point is to go before him and say, it's
31:44
that Jacob posture.
31:45
I will not give up until you bless me.
31:48
And what I'm referring to, this is in, we're flipping pages today, you guys.
31:53
It makes me so happy.
31:54
So this is in.
31:59
Genesis 32 and Jacob is on his way to meet Esau.
32:04
The last time they were together Esau was planning to kill him because Jacob took
32:09
his father's blessing through trickery and deceit.
32:12
Okay, so now Jacob's been gone on Laban's sheep farm, getting married twice.
32:19
That was fun.
32:21
And he is camping out and while he is, while he's there,
32:28
He was left alone.
32:30
A man comes and wrestles with him until the breaking of the day.
32:33
When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket
32:37
and Jacob's hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him.
32:39
Then he said, let me go for the day has broken.
32:41
But Jacob said, I will not let go unless you bless me.
32:45
And he said to him, what is your name?
32:47
And he said, Jacob.
32:48
Then he said, your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel.
32:51
For you have striven with God and with men and have prevailed.
32:55
OK.
32:56
And it goes on to say in Hebrews 11 that, oh, maybe I want to go there, hold on.
33:09
We'll cut this Leslie.
33:23
Okay, it says in Hebrews 11, verse 21, by faith Jacob when dying.
33:29
Sorry, I'm like, do I want to read the prior thing?
33:31
No, this is good.
33:31
By faith Jacob when dying, bless each of the sons of Joseph, bowing in worship over
33:36
the head of his staff.
33:38
And commentators say this really shows his dependence.
33:41
Now, we don't quite know the connection, but it's quite possible that the staff
33:47
came, or at least I don't know the connection.
33:48
I couldn't find anything.
33:50
That doesn't mean that somebody else hasn't already written on this.
33:53
It's quite possible that the staff was something that became more necessary,
34:00
although he was a shepherd, but that the staff became more necessary because of
34:04
this limp that he had after wrestling with God.
34:09
And so, and the staff shows power and authority, but in his case, because he's
34:14
leaning on it, it's his sign of dependence on the authority of God.
34:19
So he held on.
34:22
And he strove with God and he said, I will not let go until you bless me.
34:27
And now he lives his life with a daily reminder of his dependence on the Lord.
34:33
And he chooses to grab hold of that staff, grab hold of the Lord's authority and
34:38
strength as he navigates his days.
34:41
Okay.
34:42
So that's the invitation on us that we would lay down our own strength to say,
34:45
I'm just going to carry this pack around forever.
34:47
And instead we would take up his strength in this area of hurt.
34:52
or wounding, okay?
34:54
We need to give him access to us.
34:57
And listen friends, that does not mean that you have to wake up an hour earlier
35:00
than you were, or you have to go through on your own effort.
35:03
It can literally be, and I recommend, like I love the book Atomic Habits, he talks
35:08
about stacking together something you always do with something that you want to
35:15
incorporate.
35:16
So for example, every time I stand at the sink to wash dishes,
35:21
I'm going to say, Lord, heal this area.
35:23
Show me what's next.
35:25
Help me be faithful.
35:26
Give me solid footing.
35:27
I'm going to listen to worship music and I'm going to come before him for healing
35:31
and transformation.
35:32
It might be that we, and the other thing that Atomic Habits talks about, and we are
35:37
totally going to do a deep dive on this one because it is such a cool book and
35:41
concept.
35:42
But one of the things that Atomic Habits talks about is stacking together things
35:45
that we truly love and enjoy with the thing that we're trying to cultivate.
35:49
So maybe you are like, this is big.
35:51
This healing that I feel like I want to be walking in is a big deal.
35:54
So I am going to get up.
35:56
And so for me, my morning routine forever looks like get up in the morning, make my
36:01
favorite cozy drink, go sit.
36:03
I've got my bathrobe.
36:04
I grab my favorite blanket.
36:06
I sit in my favorite little quiet corner of the house.
36:09
And that's where I do my quiet time.
36:11
And still that's pretty much what it looks like, but I don't need the cozy drink to
36:15
get in the frame of mind for quiet time anymore.
36:18
And so it just kind of becomes a part of, you know, a part of your day.
36:25
Just this is me.
36:26
This is how I live my life.
36:28
And literally, it can be, if you're kind of like, if there's been something that's
36:32
been pressed down for a while and you feel like it's hard to even come before the
36:35
Lord, one of the recommendations in Atomic Habits is that you build two -minute
36:40
habits.
36:41
So maybe, friend, in this season, your habit is, I get up every morning, and I'm
36:46
just giving examples.
36:47
It can look like whatever you want it to.
36:49
I get up every morning, I pour my favorite cozy drink, I'm wearing my favorite cozy
36:54
bathrobe, I sit in my favorite cozy corner, and for two minutes I have the
36:59
Bible open.
37:01
That's the habit.
37:02
If you become a woman who opens her Bible every morning, you will become a woman who
37:08
reads the Word of God.
37:10
Okay?
37:11
It could be that after you do all those cozy things, you get on your knees with
37:16
worship music on.
37:17
and you bow your head before the Lord for two minutes.
37:20
If you become a woman who bows her head before the Lord for two minutes, you will
37:23
become a woman who prays.
37:25
Okay?
37:26
Okay.
37:27
Because the hardest thing is getting there, right?
37:29
That's the hardest thing.
37:31
So you're going to give Him access.
37:33
You're going to give your soul room, kindness, mercy, grace.
37:37
We touched on this a little bit before.
37:39
We're not walking in shame.
37:41
Should have dealt with this a long time ago.
37:42
I've been carrying this around forever.
37:44
It's too late.
37:45
There's been too much.
37:46
Because what we're going to find is,
37:47
When we're trying to hold together a faulty foundation, we shore it up with a
37:52
lot of other stuff.
37:53
Okay?
37:54
So like it might be irritability.
37:56
One of mine, when I was really walking in that fear that something would happen to
38:00
my husband was I had a lot of rules for him around time.
38:05
If you're going to be late, you have to call me.
38:07
If you're going to be late, you have to tell me ahead of time that you're going to
38:10
be late.
38:11
You should have texted me and let me know that it was going to be 15 minutes later
38:14
than you thought.
38:15
I need you to take better care of yourself.
38:17
Why aren't you doing this?
38:18
Why aren't you doing that?
38:19
Here, we're going to sign you up for this thing.
38:20
And you know what?
38:21
Stewardship is a part of the deal.
38:23
We want to take care of ourselves.
38:26
But I was coming from a place of fear of basically, I'm going to be mad at you.
38:32
I want to use another word, and I would if you and I were sitting across from each
38:34
other.
38:35
I'm going to be mad at you if something happens to you because it's your fault.
38:40
Because I had it in a little container that nobody else could touch.
38:46
I've got this God, I'm not giving him to you because you don't do good things when
38:51
it comes to taking care of 50 year old men.
38:54
Cause that was the other thing.
38:56
And God in his kindness knew this.
38:57
He gave me a husband that was a little bit older than I.
39:00
And so my dad got sick when he was 50.
39:03
And man, as my husband started coming closer to his 50th birthday, it was not a
39:06
pretty sight around here.
39:08
No, not.
39:11
I'm like, I'm having all kinds of memories coming back to me like, yep, not helpful,
39:15
not helpful or fruitful, Anna.
39:17
But now I've let it go.
39:20
And I look at him, I'm like, this is grace.
39:22
This is grace.
39:23
I have him today.
39:24
I may not tomorrow.
39:25
I don't know, but I have him today.
39:27
And I know that my God is waiting to hold me for whatever the journey looks like.
39:34
Okay.
39:35
All right.
39:37
This last one's going to be a little hard.
39:40
you're going to let some things fall through the cracks.
39:43
Okay.
39:43
You're going to allow yourself to drop some balls, do your best to let people
39:48
know, but this is your work.
39:51
Okay.
39:52
It is okay for homeschool to look a lot like a YouTube video for a little while or
39:58
super book or independent reading or audio books.
40:03
It's okay.
40:04
It's okay.
40:05
And if this stretches up some things for you,
40:08
and you're really sifting through and you're like, I don't know what to do with
40:10
this, feel free to reach out to me.
40:12
OK?
40:13
Just message me and say, Hey, here's what's coming up.
40:16
Let me pray for you.
40:17
OK?
40:17
That's what I'm here for.
40:19
Let me cheer you on.
40:20
Let me walk alongside you.
40:22
It's OK.
40:24
All right.
40:24
If you feel like there's something that you really want to dig into, let's book an
40:29
exploratory coaching call.
40:30
OK, let's see what that would look like.
40:31
If there's more help that you need, there are so many amazing prayer ministers
40:36
around the country.
40:37
including people that do things virtually.
40:39
It's a beautiful thing.
40:40
I'm a big fan of lots of different modalities of support when we're going
40:44
through hard, godly counseling, godly prayer ministry, godly coaching, like
40:51
naps.
40:51
We're going to have a whole episode, I think next episode is going to be about
40:55
all the little things that we can do that are sometimes all we need.
40:59
We think we need therapy, but what we really need is permission to take a nap or
41:03
high quality supplements or walk outside.
41:07
or put our toes in the grass.
41:08
Okay?
41:08
Sometimes it can really be little, but if there's some big stuff going on, if you're
41:12
like, I have just not wrestled with this and it is time, then get those godly
41:18
supports around you.
41:19
Okay?
41:20
Don't worry about how long it takes.
41:23
Going backwards, listen to this, going backwards is the path to going forwards.
41:28
We have to allow the Lord to take off the bricks that we have put on top of our
41:33
faulty foundation and build something new.
41:37
It's going to look like destruction, but it's actually the process of proper
41:42
construction.
41:44
Okay.
41:44
This is the path forward.
41:47
And I'm going to tell you this.
41:49
When we do this work, if we think a mile into the woods, a mile out of the woods,
41:54
it's going to take so long for us to get things in good order because it took
41:58
things, because it took so long to dismantle everything or because I built it
42:02
the wrong way for too long.
42:04
The Lord can do things incredibly.
42:06
quickly.
42:07
Okay, we just have to lay it at his feet and let him do what he will.
42:13
It's not yours to worry about how long it takes for the healing process.
42:17
But oftentimes, when we expose something to the light, it's kind of like, Okay,
42:21
now, now we can get somewhere, right?
42:25
The Lord's like, I've been waiting.
42:26
He's not condemning.
42:27
But I just like to think of it.
42:29
That feels like a sweet way to say it.
42:30
Like, Okay, there you are.
42:31
Yeah, now we can move forward.
42:32
This will be great.
42:33
Just wait.
42:34
Okay.
42:34
Just wait, friend.
42:36
Hold fast, don't give up, don't relent, keep the faith until you feel that settled
42:45
peace in your soul and you can say, it is well with my soul.
42:51
Okay?
42:52
All right, friend, hopefully you still like me even though we dredged all that
42:55
up.
42:56
Cannot wait to connect next time.
42:57
It's gonna be a little bit of a lighter conversation.
43:00
Until then, you got this.