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How to ACTUALLY Enjoy Colombia (Avoid These Tourist Traps) · Phil and H Travel - Is It Worth It? Top Travel Destinations Explored!

0:00
Welcome back to the Deep dive. Today we are spinning the globe
0:04
and landing squarely in South America.
0:07
Specifically, we're heading to a country that has been, I mean,
0:12
just absolutely dominating the travel algorithm lately.
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Oh, it is everywhere. It's having a huge cultural
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moment. It really is.
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I feel like I cannot open Instagram or tick tock without
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seeing someone you know sipping coffee on a colorful balcony or
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hiking through these incredible misty palm trees in Columbia.
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That's the shot the Cocora Valley shot with the giant wax
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palms. That's the one and everyone, I
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mean everyone is calling it the new Bali.
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You hear that phrase constantly. It's the go to comparison in all
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the travel blogs and the YouTube blogs.
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Exactly. It's being marketed as this.
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You know, budget paradise. This misunderstood gem.
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The land of magical realism where your dollar just stretches
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forever. There's always a but.
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There's a huge, but we have a massive stack of sources today.
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We're talking articles, deep dive travel logs, government
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safety reports, and some really, really gritty economic
1:04
breakdowns. And they all suggest the reality
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is, well, let's just say it's a little more complicated than the
1:09
highlight reel. Complicated is a very polite way
1:12
to put it. I'd say challenging, yeah.
1:14
If we look at the source material, especially that
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Columbia Unfiltered report and the official advisory data,
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there is a massive tension. I'd almost call it a chasm.
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A chasm between what and what? Between the marketing pitch and
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the actual on the ground experience, the pitch is magical
1:31
realism. It sells romance, adventure,
1:33
beauty, right? The reality, according to our
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data from travel reports, is intense.
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It's loud, it's confusing, and frankly, it can be physically
1:43
and mentally exhausting. So our mission today on this
1:45
deep dive is to strip away all those filters.
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The Instagram filters. Exactly.
1:49
We aren't here to sell you a vacation package.
1:51
We are here to look at the receipts.
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We're going to focus strictly on three pillars, value, culture
1:57
and nature. The Big Three.
1:59
Is it actually cheap? Is the culture what you expect?
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And is the nature worth the, well, the stress it takes to get
2:05
there? Because that seems to be the
2:07
recurring word here. Stress.
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It is. We absolutely need to move past
2:11
the hype and look at the logistics.
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Yeah, because to be blunt, Columbia is not a beginner's
2:17
destination. Even though it's marketed that
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way now. Especially because it's marketed
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that way now. It requires a skill set.
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It's not a place you can just show up and wander around
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passively. OK, so before we dive into the
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really heavy stuff and believe me, we will get to the safety
2:30
warnings and the budget breakdowns, I want to start with
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three things from the research that completely surprised me.
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The aha moments. Yeah, the contrarian surprises,
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the things that go against everything I thought I knew
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about the country. I think most of us have a very
2:44
specific image in our heads and the data just it just doesn't
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back it up. OK, I love this, let's hear
2:50
them. Debunking the stereotypes is my
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favorite part of. This all right, Surprise number
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one. This one's about Medellin.
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The golden child. The Golden Child, the nickname
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everyone knows is the City of Eternal Spring.
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It's a fantastic piece of branding.
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The tourism board deserves a raise for that one.
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They really do. You hear that and you
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immediately think mild, sunny, perfect California weather year
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round. You picture yourself eating
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outdoors every night in a T-shirt.
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You picture San Diego with a better exchange rate.
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Exactly. But the reality check and the
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sources, it's brutal. Travelers, meteorological data,
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blogs, they all suggest it should be called the City of
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Eternal Rain. Or the city of incessant
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construction noise. Right, but the rain thing really
3:33
got me. It apparently rains way more
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than the brochure ever lets on. It does.
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I mean, you have to remember the geography here.
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Medellin is nestled in a deep tropical valley in the Andes
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Mountains. It literally creates its own
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microclimate. So it's unpredictable.
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It's incredibly volatile. It can be gorgeously sunny
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AT100M, perfect weather and then by 2.00 PM it is a full on
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torrential tropical downpour. Not just a drizzle.
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No, I mean streets flooding, you're soaked in seconds,
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everything stops. So if you go there expecting San
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Diego sunshine every single day, you are going to be disappointed
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and you are going to be very, very wet.
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OK, good to know. Surprise #2 Cartagena.
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The poster child. The absolute poster child of
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Colombian tourism, the walled city, the Caribbean coast.
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When I think of the Caribbean, I think relaxation.
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I think white sand sipping a coconut, just hearing the gentle
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waves. That is the expectation.
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That's what they sell you. And what did the sources say the
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reality was? They said it might be the worst
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place to relax in the entire country.
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Wow and. Get this, the beaches in the
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city itself, like the main tourist beach area.
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Boca Grande. Yes, Boca Grande.
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They're brown, muddy, not the turquoise dream at all.
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Yeah, there's a classic, classic case of expectation versus
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reality. People forget Cartagena is a
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massive functioning industrial port city.
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It's not a sleepy island resort. That context is important.
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It's critical those city beaches have dark volcanic looking sand,
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but honestly the sand color isn't even the main problem.
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What's the main problem? The vendor harassment.
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It is relentless. It is nonstop.
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You literally cannot sit for 30 seconds without someone trying
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to sell you oysters or give you a massage you didn't ask for or
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put a bracelet on your wrist. If you want that postcard
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Caribbean experience, you have to get out of the city entirely.
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And we will definitely unpack the logistics of how to do that
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later, because there is a fix. There is, but you have to plan
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for it. All right, surprise #3 this is
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what the reports call the transport paradox, and this one
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really stuck with me because it seems so, well, so irrational.
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Oh, this is one of my favorite economic quirks of the country.
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It really highlights the difference between a tourist and
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a savvy traveler. It's wild.
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The research shows that domestic flights in Colombia are
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incredibly cheap. Shockingly cheap.
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We're talking cheaper than a bus ticket in Europe, cheaper than a
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train from New York to DC. You can fly across the entire
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country for 30 or $40. I've seen them for 25, it's
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amazing and yet. There is this steady, constant
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stream of travellers, usually backpackers, who punish
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themselves with these grueling 14 hour overnight bus rides
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through the Andes. Nausea inducing bus rides.
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To save what, like $4.00? It makes no sense.
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It's a combination of things, I think.
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Yeah, it's partly A sunk cost fallacy.
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Or maybe it's a badge of honor for backpackers.
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There's this idea that taking the bus is the real or authentic
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way to travel. I get that.
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But but in Columbia, geography is the enemy of Rd. travel.
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Those mountains are colossal. The roads are single lane
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switchbacks. A flight takes 40 minutes, the
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bus takes all day, the roads are often closed by landslides, and
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you will probably get motion sick.
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So it's a no brainer. It should be a no brainer, but
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people get it wrong constantly. They look at the map, see two
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dots, and completely underestimate the three giant
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mountain ranges in between. OK, so with those surprises laid
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out, the rain, the brown beaches, the transport paradox,
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let's try to establish our thesis for this deep dive.
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Based on everything we've read, what is the final verdict?
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The thesis is this IF, and I cannot stress this if enough, it
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is a massive if if you structure your trip correctly.
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Meaning you fly, you avoid the traps.
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Exactly. You focus on specific regions
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like the Coffee Triangle, Santander, maybe Jardin.
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If you do that, Colombia offers perhaps the highest value for
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money proposition in all of the Americas.
7:30
That's a huge statement. You're saying it's better value
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than Mexico? Better than Peru or Bolivia?
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In terms of what you get for your dollar in accommodation
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quality, food quality and the sheer beauty of the landscape,
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the sources argue, yes, the arbitrage is undeniable.
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I feel a butt coming. There's always a catch when a
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value proposition is this high, right?
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Always. The catch is something we're
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calling safety fatigue. Safety fatigue?
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What's that? It offers high value, but it
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also brings high stress. You can never ever truly turn
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your brain off. You have to be hyper vigilant
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constantly. You're always scanning, always
8:03
aware of your bag, your phone, who's around you.
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So the real question for a traveller isn't just can I
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afford this trip financially, it's can I afford this trip
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mentally? That is a fascinating trade off.
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We always budget our money for a trip, but we almost never budget
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our cognitive load or our mental energy.
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Exactly. And in Columbia, that mental
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energy is a real currency you have to spend every day.
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OK, let's get into it. Section 1, the context and the
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clash. We talked about the new Bali
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label, but looking at the numbers, this tourism explosion
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is real. This isn't just hype.
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It is very, very real. I mean, 10-15 years ago if you
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told someone you were going to Colombia, the reaction was why
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be careful, People called you brave.
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Right, you're an outlier. A journalist or a hardcore
8:47
backpacker? Exactly.
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Today, if you go, you're just following the algorithm.
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The stats show record numbers of visitors from the US, from
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Europe, from all over, but this massive influx has created a
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very specific and very uncomfortable cultural clash on
9:01
the ground. The sources called this the
9:04
narcos versus digital nomad effect.
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That feels like a very pointed description of the tension.
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It is, and it's accurate. Let's break it down.
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On one hand, you have a huge segment of tourists, let's be
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honest, mostly young men, visiting specifically because
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they watched a certain Netflix show about Pablo Escobar.
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We're talking about narcos. We are, and we need to be
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incredibly clear about this because the source material is
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emphatic. Locals hate this.
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Why do they hate it so much? Is it just, you know, an
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annoyance or is it something deeper than that?
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It's trauma. It is deep, collective trauma
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for an international viewer. Pablo Escobar is a character.
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He's a charismatic antihero played by a handsome actor.
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A gangster fantasy. It's a fantasy.
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For Colombians who lived through the 80s and 90s, that was a time
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of daily car bombs, political assassinations, kidnappings,
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thousands and thousands of innocent people being murdered.
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It was a time of terror. I don't think most tourists
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grasp that reality. They don't.
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So when a tourist shows up wearing AT shirt with his mug
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shot on it, or they go on a Pablo tour and ask where his
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grave is so they can take a selfie, it's seen as incredibly
10:09
tacky, incredibly disrespectful, and profoundly ignorant.
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The analogy one source used was powerful.
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It said it would be like going to New York and treating the
10:19
9/11 memorial like a fun theme park attraction.
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Like a perfect analogy, you just don't do it.
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A rule of thumb for any traveler, Don't even say his
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name. People don't want to hear it.
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OK, so you have that tension, the glorification of their worst
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national trauma. And then on the other side of
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the coin, you have the remote workers.
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Right, the digital nomads, laptops, dollars and a desire
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for cheap living. They are flooding specific
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neighborhoods, most famously El Poblado in Medellin.
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And what's the impact of that? The impact is gentrification on
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steroids. We saw one report that said
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rents in those specific gringo bubbles have gone up something
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like 300% in just a few years. 300%.
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That's the number. So you have this dynamic where
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locals are being priced out of their own neighborhoods by
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foreigners seeking a low cost of living, while at the same time
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dealing with these other tourists who are romanticizing
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the man who terrorized their country.
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It creates A vibe I imagine. It creates A vibe that can feel
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a bit transactional and sometimes resentful.
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You aren't always viewed as a welcome guest.
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You might be viewed as a walking wallet or a rent hiker.
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Now I think geography plays a huge role here in how the
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country functions. Or maybe malfunctions?
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It's everything. You mentioned the mountains
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earlier. Regarding the bus paradox, the
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source material describes Colombia not as one country, but
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as five countries in one. That is the single most
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important thing to understand before you book a ticket.
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If you get that, you'll get Colombia.
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So what does that mean geographically?
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OK. Picture the Andes mountains
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coming up from the South from Ecuador and Peru.
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As they enter Colombia, they split They fork like a Trident
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into three massive parallel mountain ranges called
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Cordilleras. Like 3 giant fingers stretching
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up the country. Exactly, stretching up towards
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the Caribbean coast and those 3 mountain ranges act as colossal
12:10
walls. So geography is destiny there.
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Absolutely, 100%. Those mountains dictate
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everything. They dictate the climate, the
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culture, the food, the accents. And as we discussed the insane
12:23
travel times, the valleys between those ranges developed
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in relative isolation for centuries.
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So you get these totally distinct regions.
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The coast is one world. A completely different world.
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Then you have the Andes which is another the Amazon jungle to the
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South, the Yanos or plains to the east.
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They might as well be different countries.
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Let's breakdown those cultural differences a bit more, because
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I think a lot of people arrive expecting one singular Colombian
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vibe and get totally confused when they land in the capital.
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Yeah, the pervasive myth is the Caribbean vibe.
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People see the ads with Cartagena and Shakira.
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They think the whole country is salsa heat and open collared
13:01
shirts. And then their plane lands in
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Bogota. And then they land in Bogota and
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the sources describe it perfectly as London on a
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mountain. That is such a vivid image.
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And it's accurate. First off, Bogota is at 2600
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meters. That's 8500 feet.
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That is significantly higher than Denver.
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So it's cold. It's chilly, it's often Gray and
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rainy. And the people the Rolos is,
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they're called, they reflect that climate.
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Rolos is the term for people from Bogota.
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Yes, and Rolos are known for being more formal, more
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reserved. They wear jackets, scarves,
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boots. They speak a very clear, almost
13:35
classical Spanish. They're polite but not effusive.
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It is not a tropical party city. So if you show up in flip flops
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in a tank top, you're going to stick out.
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You'll stick out and you'll be freezing.
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If you go there expecting a beach party, you will be
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miserable. Then you fly to the coast, to
13:50
Cartagena or Santa Marta, and you get the complete opposite
13:53
the. Complete opposite.
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You get the costenos. They are loud, hot, aggressive,
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direct. The energy is 100 times more
14:00
intense. The music is blasting from
14:02
everywhere. It's a total sensory overload
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compared to the cool formality of Bogota.
14:08
And the coffee axis is different again.
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Totally different. The poises and the farmers there
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are known for being polite, entrepreneurial, a bit more
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rural and slow paced so you have to constantly code switch.
14:19
If you treat a Rolo from Bogota like a Costeno from the coast,
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you're just missing the whole nuance of the country.
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Speaking of expectations, let's talk infrastructure.
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The sources highlight this big gap between the promise of
14:30
nature and the messy reality of getting to it.
14:33
This is the Instagram versus reality friction point.
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It's huge. You see the photo of the giant
14:39
perfect palm tree in a pristine Green Valley.
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What you don't see is the three hours of navigating chaotic
14:46
urban sprawl out of the city, the traffic, traffic jams, the
14:49
diesel fumes, and then the bumpy unpaved Rd. you have to take to
14:53
finally get to that valley. So the peace and quiet is.
14:56
Earned. It is earned.
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You have to remember Columbia is still a developing nation with
15:00
developing infrastructure. The cities are dense and traffic
15:02
choked. You have to wade through the
15:04
chaos to find the calm. OK, so let's walk through that
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arrival experience. This is Section 2, the city
15:10
experiences. I want to put you, the listener,
15:13
right in the shoes of a traveler who's just landed.
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Let's start with Bogota. What's the first thing that hits
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you? The very first thing physically
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is the altitude. You step out of El Dorado
15:24
International Airport, which, by the way, is surprisingly modern
15:27
and efficient. It's a great airport.
15:29
Good to know. But as soon as you exit the
15:31
terminal, the air feels different.
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It's thin. You are very, very high up.
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You might feel a dull headache, a bit of dizziness, or get short
15:40
of breath just walking with your bags.
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And then the smell. You mentioned a smell.
15:43
The smell of diesel the city's public transport runs on on
15:46
these big diesel buses in the thin air at that altitude, the
15:50
smell just hangs heavy. It's a very distinct atmospheric
15:53
cocktail of thin air and exhaust.
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And then you step out into the traffic.
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That source called it the traffic apocalypse.
15:59
Is that hyperbole? It is not an exaggeration.
16:02
The stats we looked at consistently rank it as having
16:05
some of the worst traffic in all of Latin America, maybe the
16:08
world. It competes with Mexico City and
16:10
Sao Paulo. What does that mean in practical
16:13
terms? It means it can take 2 hours to
16:14
move 10 kilometers, which is about 6 miles two hours.
16:18
There's no metro system in Bogota.
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They've been building 1 for years, but it's still a long way
16:22
off. So everything, cars, buses,
16:25
trucks, is on the road competing for space.
16:28
So the advice here is very practical.
16:30
Do not plan a single thing for your first afternoon.
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Nothing. Zero.
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Your only goal is to get to your hotel or your Airbnb.
16:38
That's it. And how do you do that?
16:40
Crucially, you do not hail a cab on the street.
16:43
Why not? That's standal procedure in New
16:45
York or London. In Bogota, it's a known security
16:48
risk. There's a type of express
16:50
kidnapping they call the Paseo Millinario, the millionaire
16:54
ride. That sound honest?
16:55
It is. You get in a random cab and
16:57
suddenly two guys jump in the backseat with you.
16:59
They don't want to kill you, they just want to take you on a
17:01
tour of every ATM in the city until your card is maxed out.
17:04
Wow. OK, so what's the safe
17:07
alternative? Use the official taxi kiosks
17:09
inside the airport where you get a printed ticket with the fare,
17:13
or use an app like Uber or Cabify.
17:15
But the notes say Uber is a little tricky.
17:17
They're not totally legal. It operates in a legal Gray
17:21
market. It's legal for you to use the
17:23
app, but the drivers themselves are often hassled by the
17:26
powerful taxi unions and the police.
17:28
So there's a protocol. There's a little cultural dance
17:31
you have to do. The driver will almost always
17:33
ask you to sit in the front passenger seat so you look like
17:36
a friend, not a paying customer. That's a way to avoid trouble.
17:41
Hi, I'm your friend. We're just going for a drive.
17:44
The small thing, but it's important to know.
17:46
That's a great tip. Sit in the front, act like a
17:48
friend. OK, so you survive the traffic,
17:51
you get to your hotel. What's the upside of Bogota?
17:53
Why should people go there? The upside is the
17:55
sophistication. Once you get off the main
17:57
traffic arteries and into neighborhoods like Chapanero or
18:00
your second, it's lovely. It's all red brick buildings,
18:03
beautiful parks, amazing little cafes and bookstores.
18:06
And the food scene, as we'll discuss, is world class.
18:10
And the politeness of the people is really striking compared to
18:13
the chaos of the street. It's a city of extreme
18:17
contrasts, brutal on the outside, very refined on the
18:20
inside. OK, now let's fly over to
18:22
Medellin. The sources describe the arrival
18:24
differently. They say it's like descending
18:27
into a bowl of glitter. It is a truly stunning visual.
18:30
The main airport, Rio Negro, is actually high up on the rim of
18:34
the valley outside the city. So you take a taxi or a bus that
18:38
winds down these steep mountain roads into the bowl where the
18:42
city sits. And at night.
18:44
At night, it's magical. The city lights stretch up the
18:46
mountainsides on all sides of you.
18:48
It literally looks like you're sinking into a bowl of gold dust
18:51
or glitter. It's beautiful.
18:53
But once you're actually down in it, the vibe shift from Bogota
18:56
is immediate. Completely different city.
18:59
It's younger, it's louder, it feels more energetic, like a
19:04
city on the make. What do you mean by that?
19:06
You see the mix, you see the gringo digital nomads in their
19:09
shorts and tank tops working from cafes and then you see the
19:13
locals composers who are known for being very entrepreneurial,
19:16
very proud and very fashion conscious people dress up to go
19:20
out in Medellin. We have to talk about the noise.
19:22
The source material calls reggaeton the soundtrack of the
19:25
country, but in Medellin it seems to be turned up to 11.
19:28
It is inescapable. I cannot overstate this.
19:30
It is in the taxi. It is in the corner store.
19:33
It is blasting from your neighbor's apartment at 3:00 AM
19:36
on a Tuesday. So it's just a louder culture in
19:38
general. It's a culture of presence.
19:41
Silence is not really a value there in the same way it might
19:43
be in, say, Northern Europe or Japan.
19:46
Life is lived out loud. Music is a constant.
19:49
So if you're a light sleeper, what is the single most
19:52
important thing to pack? Earplugs.
19:54
High quality wax or foam earplugs are a non negotiable
19:58
logistical requirement if you want to get any sleep.
20:00
Do not rely on quiet hours or hotel soundproofing, it will not
20:04
be enough. Duly noted.
20:05
All right, let's talk about the wallet.
20:07
Section 3, the economics of travel.
20:10
This is where the whole value argument really comes into play.
20:13
This is why Colombia is so popular right now.
20:15
This is where it really, really shines.
20:17
So first, the currency we're dealing with the Colombian peso
20:21
or COP. Right.
20:22
And the exchange rate has been very favorable for people with
20:25
dollars or EUR for the last few years.
20:27
It fluctuates, but it's generally been hovering around
20:30
three 800 to 4000 pesos to one U.S. dollar.
20:34
Which gives you that famous millionaire feeling when you go
20:38
to the ATM. It really does.
20:40
You go to a cash machine and you withdraw 500,000 pesos.
20:44
It takes a minute for your brain to process all the zeros.
20:46
You feel like you're holding a fortune.
20:48
But once you do the math, you realize just how far that money
20:51
goes. Incredibly far.
20:52
So let's breakdown accommodation.
20:54
The report we read talked about a sweet spot, something called
20:57
the mid range winter. Yes, this is where the value
21:00
arbitrage is greatest. Now, at the low end, you have
21:03
hostels. And to be fair, the hostels in
21:05
Columbia are excellent. Better than other places?
21:07
World class, they have pods, privacy curtains, great social
21:11
areas, good design, all for like 12 to $18.00 a night.
21:15
If you're a student on a shoestring budget, it is
21:18
paradise. But what if you have a job and a
21:20
little bit more to spend? If you can bump your budget up
21:23
to the 50 to $80 a night range, you enter a completely different
21:27
world. You're no longer in a hostel.
21:29
You are staying in gorgeous boutique hotels, in converted
21:32
colonial houses with internal courtyards and fountains, or in
21:36
old haciendas on coffee farms. The source material compared
21:40
that experience to staying in Napa Valley.
21:42
That's the comparison they used, and it's a good one.
21:45
Imagine a beautiful hotel that would cost you 400 or $500 a
21:49
night in California. Historic architecture,
21:51
personalized service, A pool with a stunning view over the
21:55
hills. OK.
21:57
In the Colombian coffee region, that exact experience cost 70 or
22:01
$80. That's unbelievable.
22:03
Value. It is unbeatable.
22:05
You are paying Holiday Inn prices for what feels like a
22:08
Four Seasons aesthetic and experience.
22:10
So what about the actual luxury end?
22:12
Is it worth splashing out for the $500 rooms?
22:15
The sources say generally no. There's a ceiling of value
22:19
around 150 to $250 a night. Why is that?
22:22
You can pay more for sure, you can stay at the big
22:25
international chains in Cartagena, the Sofitels, the
22:27
Hyatts, but you start hitting diminishing returns pretty
22:29
quickly. The service levels in Colombia,
22:32
while always friendly and warm, aren't always polished to that
22:34
Swiss or Japanese standard of ultra luxury.
22:37
So the mid range is where the real magic happens.
22:39
OK, let's shift to food. I think a lot of people, myself
22:43
included, have this misconception that all Latin
22:46
American food is spicy, like Mexican food.
22:49
It's a huge misconception. Colombian food is definitely not
22:53
spicy, in fact it's quite mild. If you ask for picante or hot
22:56
sauce, they'll often bring you ketchup or a very mild vinegary
22:59
salsa. So what is the food profile
23:02
then? It's Hardy, it's caloric, it's
23:04
carb heavy. Think of it as fuel for farmers
23:07
working in the mountains. Lots of potatoes, rice, beans,
23:10
plantains and meat. So what's a typical daily meal?
23:14
The cornerstone of daily life is the Cory Antaso or the Mendidel
23:17
Dia. This is the workers lunch.
23:20
It is an absolute institution. Walk me through what's on the
23:22
plate, OK? It almost always starts with a
23:24
soup, usually a delicious potato based soup like a kyako or
23:28
sankocho. Then you get a main plate with a
23:31
piece of meat, grilled beef, chicken or fried pork, a giant
23:34
amount of rice, piece of fried plantain, maybe a small salad,
23:37
some beans, and it always comes with a fresh fruit juice like
23:40
lulo or Mora. And the price for that entire
23:42
feast? Three to five U.S. dollars.
23:44
For all of that. For all of that, it is
23:46
incredibly cheap, it's fresh, it's filling, it is the best
23:50
value calorie for dollar you can possibly find.
23:53
But, and the sources are very clear on this, it gets
23:56
repetitive. You get rice and plantain
23:58
fatigue. Very, very real.
24:00
After day five of rice, beans and grilled meat for lunch and
24:03
dinner, your palate might be screaming for some variety.
24:07
And that leads us to the other end of the spectrum, fine
24:09
dining. Right.
24:10
If you are a serious foodie, you need to stick to the big cities.
24:14
Bogota specifically offers insane, almost unbelievable
24:17
value for fine dining. Why Bogota?
24:20
It's become a gastronomic hub. You have restaurants like Leo or
24:23
El Chado, which are consistently on the world's fifty best lists.
24:27
These are places doing really high concept stuff, avant-garde
24:30
fermentation using rare ingredients from the Amazon.
24:33
And what's the damage for a meal like that?
24:35
You can get a full multi course tasting menu at one of these
24:38
world class restaurants for 50 to $80.
24:40
A meal that would be what, 300, four, $100 in New York or
24:43
London? Easily O.
24:44
If you're into fine dining, Bogota is a paradise.
24:48
You can eat at the best restaurants in the world for the
24:50
price of a chain restaurant dinner back home.
24:53
But again, if you go out to the rural areas, reare for a steady
24:56
diet of trout, plantain and rice.
25:00
So let's wrap up the budget section with some hard numbers
25:03
per person per day. If I'm a shoestring backpacker,
25:06
what am I spending you? Can get by very comfortably on
25:08
about $35 a day. That covers your hostel bed,
25:11
your Cordian, Tazos and a few beers.
25:13
OK, and for a more comfortable trip, Private room in a boutique
25:17
hotel, Nice dinners, taking Ubers.
25:19
You're looking at 75 to $90.00 a day per person and for that you
25:23
are living very, very well. You are not watching the meter
25:26
at all and luxury $180 up. But as we said, that mid range
25:30
is where the value proposition is just off the charts.
25:33
There's one important note on cost, though, that we have to
25:35
mention the gringo tax. Yes, the unwritten rule.
25:39
What is it exactly? It's the informal markup that
25:42
gets applied the second a vendor sees a foreigner.
25:44
It happens in markets with street food vendors on the beach
25:47
in Cartagena. There are no price tags on
25:49
anything. So the price is whatever they
25:51
think you'll pay. Exactly.
25:53
So how do you avoid it? You must ask the price before
25:57
you consume anything. Before.
25:58
If you eat the empanada and then ask how much, the price just
26:02
magically tripled because you've already consumed the product.
26:05
You have no leverage. Always, always ask Cuanto Cuesta
26:08
first. Good to know.
26:10
Ask first, eat second. OK, let's move on.
26:13
Section 4. Logistics traps and how to fail.
26:18
We've touched on this with the transport paradox, but I want to
26:20
explicitly warn our listeners about what the reports call the
26:24
map fallacy. This is trap hashtag one for
26:26
almost every new visitor. You look at Google Maps on your
26:29
phone, you see Selendo, the coffee region in Medellin.
26:33
They look so close. It's just a few inches on the
26:35
screen. You think oh that's like a 2
26:36
hour bus ride tops. You think I'll take the bus, see
26:39
the famous scenery? Save some money?
26:41
This is a terrible mistake. And the reality is?
26:43
The reality is a 7 to 9 hour ordeal on winding single lane
26:48
mountain roads. You are stuck behind massive
26:51
cargo trucks that cannot go faster than 10 mph on the uphill
26:55
sections. People are literally getting
26:58
sick and vomiting in the back of the bus.
27:00
It is exhausting and miserable. And you save what, 20 bucks?
27:03
Maybe the fix is simple. Fly.
27:05
Just fly. Fly from the airports in Pereira
27:08
or Armenia if you're in the coffee region.
27:10
It's a 40 minute flight. It costs maybe 40 or $50.
27:14
It saves you an entire day of your vacation and a world of
27:17
misery. You have to respect the Andes.
27:19
OK trap #two the Cartagena beach trap.
27:24
We mentioned the brown sand, but people still book these high
27:26
rise hotels in Boca Grande expecting a relaxing beach
27:29
vacation. The trap is thinking that
27:31
staying in the city gives you the Caribbean beach experience.
27:34
It does not. You will be disappointed and
27:37
harassed. The fix is that you must get on
27:39
a boat. You have to leave the mainland.
27:41
You have to. You need to go to the Rosario
27:42
Islands, which were about a 45 minute to an hour long speedboat
27:46
right away. That's where all the turquoise
27:47
water photos are taken. That's where they are.
27:49
That's where the white sand and Clearwater is.
27:52
So my advice is to budget for a hotel on one of the islands for
27:56
a couple of nights or if you must do a day trip.
28:00
But be warned that day trips can be very chaotic and cattle call
28:03
like. And the source is said to avoid
28:05
a specific beach. Avoid Playa Blanca on the island
28:09
of Peru. It used to be beautiful, but now
28:12
it is dangerously overcrowded. You'll be shoulder to shoulder
28:15
with thousands of people, jet skis buzzing by your head.
28:18
It's the opposite of relaxing. Got it.
28:19
Trap hashtag 3 The language barrier.
28:22
I think a lot of Americans and Europeans assume, oh, it's a
28:25
major tourist destination now everyone will speak English.
28:28
That is a big, big mistake. Outside of the very heavy
28:31
tourist bubbles like El Poblado and Medellin or the walled city
28:35
in Cartagena, English is extremely rare.
28:37
So if you go to the rural areas for that nature experience.
28:40
Or even just into a regular shop or a taxi in Bogota.
28:43
You need some Spanish. You cannot wing it with English.
28:45
So what's the fix? Duolingo for a few weeks.
28:48
Download the Google Translate app and critically download the
28:52
Spanish language pack for offline use because you will not
28:55
always have cell signal in the mountains.
28:57
Good tip. And learn the numbers.
29:00
At a bare minimum, learn your numbers.
29:02
You need to be able to understand and negotiate prices.
29:05
If you can't, you are going to pay the gringo tax every single
29:10
time. Speaking of Signal, let's talk
29:12
connectivity. Is a home roaming plan enough?
29:16
I would say no. Buy a local SIM card.
29:18
Don't rely on your home carrier's roaming plan.
29:21
It's often throttled to slower speeds or it could be spotty.
29:23
Which carrier? Claro or Tigo are the main ones.
29:26
You can buy them easily at any mall.
29:28
There's a bit of a premium to buy them at the airport, maybe
29:30
$10 instead of five. But honestly for the convenience
29:34
of having data the second you land just pay the extra 5 bucks.
29:37
It's worth it to be able to call an Uber right away.
29:39
And what about clothing? We talked about Bogota being
29:41
formal, but there's a safety element to this as well, right?
29:44
There is. It ties into that concept of no
29:46
dark papaya we'll get into. In the interior cities like
29:49
Bogota and Medellin, locals do not wear shorts and flip flops.
29:53
Even when it's warm. Even when it's warm, they wear
29:55
jeans or trousers. If you are walking around
29:58
downtown Medellin in board shorts and sandals looking like
30:01
you just came from the beach, you are screaming.
30:03
I am a tourist. You're marking yourself as a
30:06
target. You're making yourself stand
30:07
out, which makes you an easier target for petty crime.
30:11
The advice is to blend in. Wear pants.
30:14
And pack a rain jacket. A real 1, a waterproof one, not
30:17
a flimsy windbreaker. When it rains in the Andes, it
30:21
floods. You will be glad you have it.
30:23
OK, let's get into the heavy stuff.
30:24
Section 5, the safety briefing. I want to spend some real time
30:28
here because the sources are crystal clear.
30:31
This is the biggest friction point for travelers.
30:34
The entire core concept of safety in Columbia is summed up
30:38
in one phrase. No dar papaya.
30:41
No dar papaya. The literal translation is don't
30:43
give papaya. Which sounds funny.
30:45
It sounds almost cute, like a quirky local saying.
30:48
But what does it actually mean in a cultural and practical
30:51
context? It means do not put yourself in
30:54
a position to be taken advantage of.
30:56
Do not make yourself an easy target.
30:58
The logic is if you leave a right juicy papaya out on the
31:02
counter, someone is going to come along and eat it.
31:05
It's your fault for leaving it out.
31:07
So if you leave your expensive phone out on a cafe table.
31:10
Someone is going to snatch it. Can you give us more practical
31:13
examples of what giving papaya looks like for a tourist?
31:16
Sure, walking down a busy street with your brand new iPhone in
31:19
your hand, staring at Google Maps that is giving papaya.
31:24
Wearing a shiny gold watch or a Rolex major papaya.
31:28
Hanging your backpack on the back of your chair at an outdoor
31:30
restaurant that is literally serving up papaya on a bladder.
31:33
Now, to a Westerner, particularly someone from the US
31:37
or Europe, this philosophy sounds a lot like victim
31:40
blaming. It is victim blaming.
31:41
Let's be clear about that. It sounds like, oh you got
31:43
robbed. Well you shouldn't have been
31:44
wearing that. Nice watch.
31:46
It puts the blame on the victim. It absolutely shifts the
31:49
responsibility for the crime from the criminal to the victim.
31:53
The underlying message is you are careless, so it's your
31:55
fault. That is a really hard pill for a
31:57
lot of visitors to swallow. It is.
31:59
It creates a ton of cultural friction.
32:02
You'll hear tourists arguing, but I should be able to check my
32:05
phone on the street. And, you know, morally they are
32:09
right. In a perfect world, they should
32:10
be able to. But it's not a perfect.
32:13
World and Columbia arguing about the morality of the situation is
32:16
not going to get your phone back.
32:17
It is the unwritten law of the land.
32:20
If you give papaya, even the locals will shrug and say it was
32:24
your fault. You have to accept that mindset
32:26
to operate there safely. You have to make yourself a hard
32:29
target. Now, beyond petty theft, there
32:31
is a specific, unique threat mentioned in all the safety
32:34
reports that is genuinely terrifying.
32:37
This isn't just pickpocketing. This is scoopolamine.
32:39
Also known as devil's breath. Yeah.
32:41
We need to really understand what this is because it's
32:43
particularly prevalent in this region.
32:45
Scoopolamine is a drug. It's derived from the powder of
32:49
the seeds of the borcaro tree. And these trees are common.
32:52
They're everywhere. You'll see them in parks and
32:54
gardens all over the Andes. They have these beautiful big
32:57
drooping white or yellow trumpet shaped flowers.
33:01
They look lovely and harmless. But they're highly toxic.
33:04
Extremely. When that powder is processed,
33:07
it becomes a powerful hypnotic and amnesiac.
33:10
It blocks the brain's ability to form new memories.
33:14
And this is the most terrifying part.
33:16
It removes a erson's free will. It removes free will.
33:19
That sounds like something out of a science fiction movie.
33:22
It's not. It makes the victim completely
33:24
compliant and suggestible. You don't pass out, you stay
33:27
awake and seem functional, but you become like a zombie.
33:31
You will do whatever you were told without question.
33:33
So how is it used by criminals? They'll slip it into your drink
33:37
or in some reported cases just blow the powder in your face.
33:39
The victim then becomes their puppet.
33:42
The thieves will say let's go to your apartment and the victim
33:44
will say OK and let them in. They'll say give us your ATM
33:46
card and your PIN and the victim will happily hand it over.
33:49
So they'll help their own robbers.
33:51
They will literally help them load their TV and their laptop
33:53
into a van. And the next day?
33:55
You wake up with a horrible, disorienting hangover and
33:59
absolutely no memory of the last 8 to 12 hours.
34:02
Your bank account is empty, your apartment is empty, and you have
34:05
no idea what happened. It is a truly frightening
34:08
substance. Who is most at risk here?
34:10
Is this happening to random people on the street?
34:13
The primary risk profile, according to all the data in
34:16
embassy warnings, is single men, particularly foreign men using
34:21
dating apps like Tinder. So it's a plan set up.
34:23
It's a classic honey trap. You match with a beautiful woman
34:26
on the app. She suggests meeting for a drink
34:28
at a bar. She's working with a gang.
34:30
When you go to the bathroom, she or an accomplice slips the drug
34:33
into your drink. Game over.
34:35
So what is the protocol to avoid this?
34:38
What's the advice? The sources are extremely strict
34:41
on this. First, never ever accept a drink
34:44
from a stranger and always watch your drink being poured by the
34:47
bartender. Keep your hand over it.
34:49
Second, if you're meeting someone from a dating app for
34:51
the first time, meet in a very public place during the day,
34:54
like a busy coffee shop or a mall, not a dark bar at night.
34:58
And the third rule. And 3rd, this is the most
35:01
important one. Do not bring a date you just met
35:04
back to your hotel or Airbnb on the first night.
35:07
Just don't do it, it's not worth the risk.
35:10
And the sources say this isn't some rare occurrence.
35:12
This happens weekly. It happens daily in the big
35:14
cities. It is not an urban legend.
35:16
It is a real and present danger you have to be aware of.
35:19
That is extremely sobering. Let's touch on general health
35:23
quickly before we move on. What about the water?
35:25
The tap water is generally treated and considered safe to
35:28
drink in the big cities like Bogota and Medellin.
35:31
The water systems there are quite modern.
35:34
But not elsewhere. But it is absolutely forbidden
35:37
on the coast and in small towns in rural areas.
35:40
If you drink the tap water in Santa Marta or a small village,
35:43
you will get sick. My advice is to just stick to
35:46
bottled or filtered water everywhere to be safe.
35:49
It's not worth the risk. And stomach bugs in general.
35:51
You should probably expect to get one at some point.
35:53
The bacterial Biome is just different.
35:55
Even if you're very careful, your stomach might react.
35:58
It's a good idea to bring Imodium and some electrolyte
36:00
packets with you. So the final verdict on
36:04
vigilance? It has to be active vigilance.
36:06
You cannot be a passive traveler here.
36:08
If you are the kind of person who likes to, you know, get a
36:10
little drunk, wander home at 2:00 AM with your headphones on,
36:14
trusting that the world is a safe place, Columbia is not for
36:17
you. You will get into trouble.
36:19
You have to be switched on all the time.
36:21
OK, let's pivot to the good stuff.
36:23
We have sufficiently scared everyone.
36:25
Let's talk about why people go despite all these risks.
36:29
Section 6 highlights disappointments and itineraries.
36:33
Let's get the disappointments out of the way first.
36:35
The sources consistently single out the city of Santa Marta and
36:39
specifically the nearby town of Tagonga.
36:41
Tagonga used to have a reputation as this chill
36:44
backpacker paradise, right? A quiet little fishing village.
36:47
10 or 15 years ago, yes, that was a reputation.
36:50
Now the reports we read describe it as sketchy, dirty, unsafe and
36:54
unbearably hot. It has a heavy drug trade vibe
36:57
now. So it's not the place to relax
36:59
on the beach. No, it's basically just a
37:02
transit hub to get to Tyrona National Park or to the dive
37:05
sites. The advice is get in, do your
37:08
activity and get out. Do not linger there.
37:11
It's not the vibe you're looking for.
37:13
And we already touched on the Pablo Escobar tours.
37:16
Just don't do them. It's gross, it's tacky.
37:19
It supports A narrative that hurts the country.
37:21
Visit the Museum de Memoria, the memory museum in Medellin,
37:25
instead, to understand the real history.
37:28
OK, now the soul moments, the things that make all the stress
37:32
and vigilance worth it. What's #1.
37:34
The number one highlight in almost every source is the
37:38
coffee region. The a Cafetero.
37:40
Yes, specifically the little towns like Cilento, Falandia or
37:44
the slightly more remote Jardine.
37:46
This is the heart and soul of the country.
37:47
Paint a picture for. Us.
37:48
OK, you're staying in a beautiful small hotel on a
37:50
hillside. Maybe you're even glamping in a
37:52
high end tent. You wake up in the morning, you
37:55
step outside with a cup of the best coffee you've ever had, and
37:58
all you see is mist rolling through these impossibly green
38:02
valleys. You see coffee plants, banana
38:04
trees, and you hear nothing. Absolute silence.
38:09
After the constant roar of Bogota's traffic in the nonstop
38:12
regaton of Medellin, the silence of the coffee region feels
38:15
spiritual. You can literally feel your
38:18
blood pressure drop. And the transport there is
38:20
unique to the little Jeeps. The Willies Jeeps.
38:23
These are these amazing old World War 2 era American jeeps
38:27
that are the workhorses of the region.
38:29
They function as public transport.
38:31
You pile into the back with locals and other travelers.
38:34
You can even stand up on the back bumper holding onto the
38:36
roof rack and you ride through these stunning mountain roads.
38:40
It is fun, it's cheap, and it connects you to the landscape in
38:44
a really cool way. Another highlight mentioned was
38:46
the Tatakoa Desert. Which is technically a tropical
38:50
dry forest, not a real desert, but the landscape looks like
38:53
you're on Mars. It's all these red rock
38:55
formations, eroded canyons, and giant cacti.
38:59
It's hot and otherworldly. But the real show starts after
39:02
the sun goes down. The stars, because it's so
39:05
isolated and there's no major city for miles, there is
39:08
virtually 0 light pollution. There's a small astronomical
39:12
observatory there. You can just lie on the ground,
39:14
look up, and the sky just opens up.
39:16
You can see the Milky Way so clearly it looks like a cloud.
39:19
It's a magical, almost prehistoric experience.
39:22
And what about an urban highlight, something that's not
39:24
nature? For me it has to be the Medellin
39:27
cable cars, the metro cable. Which is part of the public
39:30
transit system, right? Yes, and that's what makes it so
39:33
amazing. It's not a tourist ride, it's
39:35
how people commute. It costs less than a dollar.
39:38
It was built as a social project to connect the poor
39:41
neighborhoods, the barrios that are built high up on the steep
39:44
hillsides to the city center and a jobs down in the valley.
39:48
But for a tourist, it's the best tour you can take.
39:50
Absolutely. You get in a car and you just
39:53
soar silently over the rooftops of these dense red brick
39:56
neighborhoods. You see daily life from a bird's
39:59
eye view, people hanging laundry, kids playing soccer on
40:03
rooftop courts, and then it takes you all the way up and
40:06
over the top of the mountain to park RV, which is a giant nature
40:09
reserve. It's the best tour in the city
40:11
and it really shows you the scale of the transformation
40:13
Medellin has gone through. OK, let's put this all together
40:16
into a practical plan. The sources suggest an ideal two
40:19
week itinerary that focuses on that value in nature pillar we
40:22
talked about. Can you walk us through it?
40:24
Absolutely. Here is the blueprint for a
40:26
fantastic first time trip you start in Bogota.
40:30
Give it 2 full days, see the Gold Museum which is incredible,
40:34
one of the best in the world, and eat at a world class
40:36
restaurant like El Chado. Use this time to acclimate to
40:40
the country and the altitude. OK, two days in Bogota, then
40:43
what? Then you fly.
40:45
You do not take the bus to either Pereira or Armenia, the
40:47
two airports that serve the coffee region.
40:50
Spend 4 days there. Base yourself in Cilento or the
40:53
quieter, more charming Philandia.
40:55
Hike the Kukora Valley with the giant wax palms, tour a real
40:59
coffee farm, and just relax. Then after coffee country.
41:02
Fly to Medellin, give it four days, soak in the very different
41:05
city vibe, ride the cable cars, go to a rooftop bar in El
41:08
Poblado, maybe do the popular day trip out to Guatepe to see
41:12
the giant rock in the colorful town.
41:13
So that's city. Coffee City.
41:15
What about the coast? For the last leg, you fly up to
41:18
Santa Marta on the Caribbean coast.
41:21
But as we said, don't stay in the city itself.
41:24
Use it as a launchpad. Head straight to the entrance of
41:27
Tarona National Park for those incredible jungle meets, ocean
41:30
beaches. Or go up into the mountains just
41:32
behind the city to the little town of Minka for waterfalls,
41:36
cooler air and hummingbirds. So that itinerary gives you a
41:39
taste of everything. City, culture, coffee, mountains
41:43
and coast. It's a great, efficient plan.
41:46
But what if someone is listening to this and thinking, you know
41:48
what? The constant vigilance, the
41:50
traffic, the no our papaya mindset, it just sounds like too
41:53
much work. What are the alternatives for
41:55
that kind of traveler? And that is a totally valid
41:58
feeling. It's not for everyone.
41:59
If you want the indigenous culture and the amazing
42:01
volcanoes, but maybe a bit roar, a bit less party focused, I'd
42:05
say Guatemala. Lake Ethelon hands down beats
42:08
Guatepe for sheer natural beauty.
42:10
It is stunning. OK, and what if I'm a foodie and
42:13
the lack of spice in Colombia is a deal breaker?
42:16
Mexico 100%. Fly to Oaxaca or into Chiapas.
42:20
The food is better, full stop. It's spicier, more complex, more
42:23
regionally diverse, and the logistics in those areas are
42:26
generally a bit easier for travelers.
42:28
And what if I just want the mountains and the coast but with
42:30
easier travel? I would look at Ecuador.
42:32
It's a smaller country so the distances are shorter.
42:35
You can do the Andes to the coast switch much more easily.
42:38
And critically, they use the US dollar as their official
42:41
currency, so there's no math involved with the exchange rate.
42:45
It's a great, often overlooked alternative all.
42:48
Right, let's bring it all home. Section 7.
42:50
The final verdict. Who is this trip for?
42:53
Let's use that matrix from the source material.
42:56
First up, backpackers. Absolute, unequivocal Y ES.
43:01
The hostile infrastructure is world class, is incredibly
43:04
cheap. It's very social.
43:06
The party scene is great if that's what you're looking for.
43:08
It is a backpacker's dream playground.
43:10
OK, what about mid range couples?
43:12
Say people in their 30s or 40s. Yes, but with a major caveat.
43:17
My advice would be to get out of the big cities quickly.
43:19
Don't spend a week trying to party in Medellin because the
43:22
noise and the intensity can be stressful for a couple.
43:25
Instead, go to those boutique rural experiences.
43:28
Go to Bharichara, which is a stunning colonial town.
43:31
Go to Jardine, that's where you'll find the romance, the
43:34
quiet, and that incredible value we talked about.
43:37
Got it. Now what about families with
43:40
young kids? The verdict and the sources is
43:42
caution bordering on a hard no. That's strong.
43:46
Why is it so I'll suited for families?
43:48
A few reasons. The logistics are a nightmare.
43:52
Pushing a stroller on crumbling non existent sidewalks or up
43:55
steep cobblestone hills is brutal if the food isn't very
43:58
kid friendly, it's heavy and often fried, And most
44:01
importantly, that constant safety vigilance.
44:04
It's hard enough on your. Own.
44:05
It's exhausting on your own. Now imagine trying to watch your
44:08
pockets, your surroundings, and your phone while also keeping an
44:11
eye on a curious toddler who likes to wander off.
44:14
It's just too much cognitive load.
44:16
If you do it with kids you need to do a bubble trip.
44:18
Private drivers, all inclusive resorts.
44:21
Doing it DIY is advanced level travel.
44:23
You're finally luxury travelers. This one is.
44:26
It depends. It depends on your definition of
44:28
luxury. What do you mean?
44:29
If your idea of luxury is White Lotus style service, flawless,
44:32
seamless, everything is perfect and on time, then no service
44:36
standards are still developing, things run on Latin time.
44:39
But if your idea of luxury is adventure luxury, taking a
44:44
private helicopter to a lost city in the jungle, staying in a
44:48
high end jungle lodge, having unique unforgettable
44:51
experiences, then yes, it's absolutely amazing for that.
44:55
So, to summarize the entire proposition of this deep dive.
44:58
Columbia's worth IT. It is vibrant, it is beautiful,
45:01
it is cheap, but you have to go in with your eyes wide open and
45:04
accept the conditions of the deal.
45:06
Condition #1. You must fly domestically.
45:08
To skip the terrible roads is not optional.
45:11
Condition #2. You must accept that nature is
45:13
wild and unmanicured, not a National Park with perfect
45:16
railings and gift shops. And you must accept the noise.
45:19
The sources had a great final line.
45:21
It said the country screams at you, but it hugs you.
45:24
That's it exactly. It is the most alive place you
45:27
will ever visit. It forces you to be present.
45:29
You can't be on autopilot or just staring at your phone
45:32
literally because someone might steal it.
45:35
You have to be there in the moment.
45:37
And that leads us perfectly to our final provocative thought
45:40
for you, the listener. We've talked a lot about value.
45:43
We've talked a lot about stress. The question to leave you with
45:46
is this, Is the high value of Columbia simply a subsidy for
45:51
the high stress of visiting? Are you getting a discount on
45:54
your hotel room because you are subconsciously being paid to do
45:59
the work of being vigilant? It makes you really think about
46:01
what kind of traveler you are. Are you a passive tourist who
46:04
wants to be served and to have things be easy and relaxing?
46:07
Or are you an active traveler who enjoys the challenge of
46:11
participating and navigating a complex environment?
46:13
Because if you're active, Columbia is a playground, but if
46:17
you're passive it could be a struggle.
46:19
That is the perfect place to leave it.
46:20
Just remember, keep your phone in your pocket, don't give
46:23
papaya, and definitely pack some earplugs.
46:27
Thanks for listening to the deep dive.
46:29
Save travels, see you next time.