Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #257 The Magpie Ruining My Mental Health

Transcript

#257 The Magpie Ruining My Mental Health · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: One sec.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: I'll be one.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Matt's just, you know, some men watch porn, other men
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: have LinkedIn.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: I have been.
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: Are you doing a LinkedIn post? If you're doing a
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: LinkedIn post instead of doing a podcast with me while
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: I'm sitting in front of you, that is a high-level rudeness.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: I am do a LinkedIn post.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Do a leap?
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: No.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Do a LinkedIn?
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: No.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Come on. Come on. You leave the LinkedIn jokes alone, right?
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: You didn't even respond to that LimpDick LinkedIn meme I
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: sent you.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: It was a LimpDick LinkedIn meme.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: If you're making fun of my hobbies... For.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Those of you.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: I don't find it funny.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: And I'm Ash. LinkedIn extraordinaire.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: And I don't have LinkedIn because it got hacked. Someone
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: put nudes on mine.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: You're missing out on all the fun because it's... Nice
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: spread cheeks on the leaning over a couch.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: It wasn't me! Sure.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: This is a podcast about parenting. The good, the bad.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I thought this was just the radio.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Ash, that's your first warning.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: We did a record before. You were great. You've jumped
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: into this one and you are way off the mark.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: To be fair, that was like two hours ago.
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Since then, I've had my soup, my pho.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I had a banana.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: You had a banana. And shout out, this will give
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: people a taste of when we record things. We posted
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: it on social media. I had a photo of my coffee,
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: my soup, and you had a muffin, banana, Red Bull
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: and protein shake. And I said, guess the lunch.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I had a bite of each of them and that's it.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Ash had a smorgasbord of snacks.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: I had a bottle of water too, so I've got
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: to have three liquids. Why so many liquids? It's an
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: ADHD thing.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Is it really?
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: It's one for hydration, one for energy, one for sustenance,
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: and I had a sip of each of them.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: You work in mysterious ways.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: You are a unique young man.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Shucks. This is a podcast all about parenting, the good,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: the bad, the relatable, and we don't give advice.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Housekeeping. I want to know just quickly, what is your
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: take on this? My beautiful mum, Nana, as we call her,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: has announced to the family that she would like to
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: change her name. And up until this moment, the kids
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: have always called her Nana. That is her title, self-appointed,
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: you know. It's not like we gave it to her
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: and she was unhappy with it. She said, I would
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: like to be called.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: I understand, yeah.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: There were many names.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I love how like the videos of people are like, oh,
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: it's Poo Poo, this is Papa, Dee Dah and Wee
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: Wee and Woo Hoo.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: So we were like, what did you want to be called?
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: And she said, Nana. And now she's come out and
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: she said, hi, everyone. I just want to make an
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: announcement that moving forward from this moment on, I would
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: like the kids to call me a new name.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: That's a funny name.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: That was better.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: That was pretty good.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: We're warming up. Here comes Nana new name.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you're having fun.
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: You can't just change it. Five years deep, six years deep.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Let's find out.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: The new name that she would like to be called
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: is none other than Nellie.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: What? Nellie.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Like Ellie, say Nana Ellie, Ellie Nelly.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: That's pretty clever. Nelly.
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: What have the kids said about it?
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Kids are like, what?
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I was like. I was like, what?
• 3:34
  Speaker 5: No.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: But you were the same person.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: The kids don't get it. And also. So she announced it.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Obviously it takes a while for the big changes for
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: little kids, you know, to wrap their head around. They've
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: been calling her since they were born.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: They're like, Nana. And she's like, what'd you fucking call me?
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: That's Nelly to you.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: And the kids are like, oh, this is so confusing.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: They don't get it.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I just pictured, you know, Nelly, the rap artist from
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: the early 2000s. You know that song Country Grandma?
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Take it away.
• 4:02
  Speaker 5: If you want to go and take a ride with me.
• 4:04
  Speaker 6: That song.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: If you want to.
• 4:07
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Not spending money. That is Nellie.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: I don't know. It's not working. The kids aren't into it.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: We're not into it. Nana's frustrated.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like I think Vic's right. Can you just change it?
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: My mum is Nanny Mary because that's real original. My
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: nan is because she was the OG nan, the only
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: nan that I had for a long time because my
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: previous grandmother passed away early. Nan was always nan, but
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: now she's Nanny Olive to distinguish from the other nan.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Nanny Mary, Nanny Olive.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then we've got Mimi. which is my mother-in-law.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: Mimi?
• 4:39
  Speaker 5: Mimi.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: Mimi.
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: That's cute.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: And then we've got, oh, as I call her, April's step-mom.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: That is beautiful.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: Because it's April's dad's partner, but it's not, yeah, no
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: step-mom relationship.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Did she request that?
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: No, she has no choice in the matter. No, her
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: name's Barbara, but the kids call her Barbara. Yeah, I
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: think it needs to come naturally.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: That's nicer than step-mom.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Just a little bit. But it's kind of like, you know,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: when someone tries to give himself a nickname?
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: And you're like, it doesn't work like that.
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: It's like you've got to be called shit face from
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: someone else.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Do you have any requests when you eventually, you know,
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: assume you become a grandfather?
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Full name. That's it.
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: Ashton.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Ash.
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: Ash.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: That's it. I don't want anything else. When my kids
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: call me Ash, I feel proud.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I feel like pop is.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Pop's a good one. Oh, that's my dad. Let's get
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: started on the pops. We got poppy boom. Okay.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: Poppy boom?
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Here we go.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Poppy boom.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: So one time dad was watching Oscar and we were
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: at the beach at his place.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: They live on the Gold Coast, Cooling Gat, a beautiful
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: part of the world. And the water, what the water does, right?
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Here's what water does.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: It washes up onto the sand and creates those little cliffs,
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: you know, like a little sand cliff when the tide
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: runs out.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: It's like a little drop off.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Anyway, dad was like, what you should do with these, Oscar,
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: is go boom and chop it because you chop it
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: and it falls down like an avalanche.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: So Oscar, for his whole baby life, Called my.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Dad, Wayno, Wayan, as the Indonesians call him, Poppy Boom.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: And he's always been that and will forever be that.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: And see, that is how names are meant to be formed.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: I have an announcement! And I can imagine your mum
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: doing it too. Guys, I have an announcement. It's like, oh, God.
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: She's been telling to her friends about it.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: She doesn't have any friends.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: What about the credit card friends?
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Mum, if you're listening.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: She's got more than friends, Matt. She's got a syndicate.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: Actually, shout out to Nellie.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: And the syndicate.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: She's got a bad neck at the moment. I know.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: She left the house for dinner the other night.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Left the house for dinner? Yes, left the house.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: When I was over the other day, she looked great.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: Well, she did come out. She was hard to direct
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: with the camera, but the rest of it.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: We filmed a skit and we had to get her
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: to film something.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: It's very funny.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: We literally were like, Nana, okay, the phone is currently recording.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: We're going to hand you the phone, which is currently recording.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Just going to say recording currently.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Even in the video, it says just aim it.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: She grabs it, points it at Ash and I. We
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: say our line, which is very well delivered. We get
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: the phone back and we go, you stopped it.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: But then she restarted it.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: And then she restarted it. And then she was calling someone.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: And we're like, how did you do that? And she
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: was like, oh.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: My finger flicked. My finger flicked. And Matt's like, what
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: do you mean by flicked? It was honestly, it was
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: something like out.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Of Everybody Loves Raymond. And then I'm like, patience. One, two, three, four, five.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Big breath in. I got a kick out of it.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: But anyway, I thought she looked. I thought she was.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: She gave me a big cuddle. It was good to
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: see her.
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: Does she listen?
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: No. I don't think she does.
• 7:46
  Speaker 5: She makes a lot of mentions.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: She watches my.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: She loves Ash's videos. She was like, I think my
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: last song was a bit mean to April, I think.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: I think.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, is it?
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: Does April get upset?
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: She is human. She has nothing to do with me.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: She used to speak to Ash. We went too far
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: on that one. She got upset about one of them.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: Okay, I might send her a personalised one and I'll
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: be like, my wife for no reason and then just
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: have it something to do with Ellie.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Can you just like do a video and be like,
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: do you like that, Ellie? Yeah, yeah.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I should have sent her the behind the scenes so
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: she sees that April's a part of the process.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: Send it to her. Send it to her.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: So the other day we.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Had a guest on by the name of Jules from
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: The Babel, which is a big Bible-looking book that has
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: full of recipes for you and your kids that are nutritious.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: Not religious.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Not religious, no. We spoke about protein.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: Very important.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, very important because we had our lunchboxes that I
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: was scored terribly on.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: She was a bit harsh on your lunchbox.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: I feel like I still feel like- What is this?
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: I still feel like I was stitched up here.
• 8:47
  Speaker 6: Totally.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: You two are in cocoons.
• 8:50
  Speaker 8: Me?
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Mate, I know you. That lunchbox was well above your
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: pay grade.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: You don't know who I am. You think you know me.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: You have no idea who I really am.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I will find you and I will kill you.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: Anyway, so we talked about a lot of protein in there,
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: and as you know, my wife is quite into her protein.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: She's in her gym era.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: So I was at soccer, the last game of the
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: year the other day, And one of the mums pulled
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: me aside and she was like, Kai keeps hitting me
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: up about if there's enough protein in his meals.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, okay.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Kai is the son?
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Sorry, Kai is the son. Kai Lewis.
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: I was about to say, is this Kai Lewis?
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: Kai Lewis is getting a rap on this podcast. Good kid.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: Great name.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: But anyway, apparently all of the kids in the soccer
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: team are now obsessed with protein.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: So instead of oranges, what are you giving them? Like
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: protein shakes at halftime?
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: Well, April suggested it. She was like, I can make
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: some protein brownies.
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: I'm like, okay, chill.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Anyway, so April wasn't there at that time. And I
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: pieced it.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: Together eventually when I spoke to April. And I was like, hey,
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: you been preaching protein to the kids over here?
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: And she's like, well, to Oscar, yeah. It's important. It's
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: fucking important about protein.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: I'm like, well, the whole soccer team now is talking
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: about how much protein they're having in their meals and.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: They're saying to their parents, they're like, does this got
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: protein in it? Like everything.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: That's great.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's good gear.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: But then April's like, no, no, no, no, because all
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: of the mums listen to your podcast. They've listened to
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: the Babel podcast. And she talks about load them up
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: on protein because they all play soccer in the middle
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: of the day.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: They need more energy to learn.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Anyway, then that happened.
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: That was my big takeaway too. I'm like, God, I've
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: got to get more protein in this lunchbox.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's my sip of my protein shake out there
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: that I had. Me too. And I was like, oh, okay,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: all right. And then I ran into one of the
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: other parents and she was a little bit concerned. And
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: I was like, what are you concerned about? She was like,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I went to the school.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: I had an appointment just to, I can't remember what
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: she was going to do there, at lunchtime to see,
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: might have been the principal or something.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: And she was like, I managed to see the soccer
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: game in question that these kids were playing.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: And she was like, it was like a prison yard.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: And she's like, I'm concerned with the amount of protein
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: talk that's going on, that these kids are getting down
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: there on the soccer field like athletes and And essentially,
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: no mercy. Apparently, kids are getting home with ripped up
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: school shirts. They've got bunged up knees. One of the
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: kids is in hospital.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: Where's the teachers? Where are the teachers during all this?
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: They're playing. But Oscar's like scored five goals. I'm like, okay,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: how are your limbs? And he's just like, oh, I'm sweet.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: He's a skinny young man.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Is he getting injured? He's too fast for him. He's
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: got some skinny legs. I've seen bigger legs on the seagull.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Well said.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: And if he gets hit by one of these bigger kids,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I'll break him in half.
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: But.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Anyway, they all get jacked, these school kids.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Are you worried?
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: No, no, I'm not worried.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: But anyway, go back and listen to the episode if
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: you haven't listened to it. Apparently we talk about nothing
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: but protein.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: Do young boys, do they care for muscles?
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: Do they care?
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. I forget you don't.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Have a boy. I have no idea. It's all about
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: how fast you are, how strong you are.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: Is he doing weights? What's he doing?
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: No, he's doing absolutely nothing to build the muscle. It's
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: all about really how fast you are. Do you remember that?
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: It's like you attract the pretty girls.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: I was always good at long distance. It never worked
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: for me.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: I was trying to impress this girl once in primary
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: school with my speed. And we were all playing a
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: game together. And I was so fast that I accidentally
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: headbutted her. It was an accident.
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: Made an impression, I'm bet.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Made an impression.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, literally.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: She never spoke to me ever again.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Anyway.
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: Aw.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Could have been my future wife.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Which is just as well because without that head-butting incident,
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: April Wicks would have never happened.
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: April would be so sad right now.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: Anyway, protein is king at primary school these days.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I've got a little hack for you, my friend. I
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: saw a mum and dad from school. They were on
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: a bike together riding in tandem. Yes. She was on
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: the back. He was on the front.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, it wasn't a tandem bike.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: What's a tandem bike?
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: Are you serious? It's a two-seat bike with two handlebars.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: And four pedals, but two wheels.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: And a long frame.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Kind of like the sausage dog of bikes.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: You don't often see a tandem bike around.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Like the sausage dog of bikes.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Thank you.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: They're a rarity. Shagging head over here.
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: Quite a novelty. No, no.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: I agree with you.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I can't remember the last tandem bike I saw.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: But they were on a normal sized bike together and
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: no kids. And I said, where are your kids? And
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: they said, oh, we actually, we're having a like six
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: monthly catch up. And I was like, what do you
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: mean six monthly catch up? And they're like, oh, every
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: six months we do like a little session together where
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: we just talk about the plans for the next six months.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: We do it without the kids. Kids are with grandma.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: That sounds like my worst nightmare.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: Fuck off it does.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Plan six months out.
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: What?
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: It's just about like big picture stuff. Like obviously the
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: boring things like.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: What are we doing? The portfolio.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: But it's just like, you know, what do you want
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: to focus on for the next six months? So we're
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: on the same page. We've got common goals.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I'm taking it day by day over here, bro.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: I love it. That's you. It's about maximising the ROI
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: of the relationship.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Your relationship is not a business.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: Let's circle back in six months' time. We want to
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: increase engagement of the relationship.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: April would love this idea but not me. I guess
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: like if you're a planner, would you consider yourself a planner?
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: You just said Laura lives week by week.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: I did say that. I did say that. No, I
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: just think it's so easy for the days to turn
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: into weeks, to turn into months, and then you're like,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: holy fuck, fucking Christmas is like knocking on our door
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: before we know it.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Do not trigger me with the word Christmas.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Sorry. I apologise.
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: But it could even be like holiday planning.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, that I'm up for. That's fun.
• 14:31
  Speaker 5: Like future dream planning.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: What's something you want to work on in the next
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: six months?
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: I just want to get to six months.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: There you go. That's a beautiful thing.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Well, my work here is done.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: For me, I'd like to surf more.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: And that's something that, you know, you can vocalise.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Weren't you meant to sail?
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: Ah, fuck the sailing.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Fair. Totally fair. What about the getting off your phone
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: at night? Can you just relax?
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: Those of you who are wondering what the sailing was
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: and then not being on your phone so much, they
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: were New Year's resolutions. And if it puts your mind
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: at ease, I'm not really doing mine either.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: I have no doubt.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Which were? I don't even remember. Portuguese. Portuguese. Oh, actually,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: I've got an update really quick on that. 20 weeks
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: that I haven't done it.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Very good.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: And that's not even a lie.
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: It's like I've reversed gold.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I've reversed gold the Portuguese.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: You were like focusing on erasing it from your mind.
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: And if anything, that takes more effort than learning Portuguese.
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: Because it's not even a load.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Forgetting Portuguese is harder than learning it.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: I'm proud of you.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Put that on a T-shirt. So you want to surf more. Okay.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: So it's about your hobby planning?
• 15:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: And then it's just, you know, what do you want
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: as a couple? What do you want to work on?
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: What do you need to get better at? And I
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: just think sometimes it's just nice to spend some time
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: on the relationship and they then celebrate by going out
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: for a nice lunch afterwards.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, bike and lunch. Okay.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: Shoulder to shoulder.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Look, if those type, will they say type A's? Is
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: that a type A pick?
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: Could be type A.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Type A.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: So type A, great. But it doesn't have to be
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: six months, surely. It could be like. Why don't we
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: plan the next week? Like the next two days.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: I like it.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Do you think that the hack.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: Is the pre-planning at a big amount of time?
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: I just think it's a nice little like touch base.
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: How you doing? I'm doing good.
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: Big picture.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Big picture.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Thank you, Vic.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I like what you said before. You said it's a
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: catch up like. See you in another six months.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: That's kind of what you're getting at because it's like
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: they turn into weeks and months and then all of
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: a sudden you're like, who are you?
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: I like it. Will I implement it? Probably not.
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: Me either.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: But I like the idea of it.
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: It's not like life admin. I think you're thinking it's
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: life admin.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: I think it's like big picture future planning like, okay,
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: we'd love to go to Bali in July next year.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: I've got it. I've got it. How do you maximise
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: the most out of the opportunities that you could have
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: in life?
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: You just stole that from me yesterday.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: I'm using your information.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: That was wrong.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: It is how do you exhaust every opportunity over that
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: period of time?
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I'm with you. I'm with you now.
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: And reach your potential.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: Reach your potential.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: I feel like you're mocking me now.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: It's about reaching potential.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Great. As a couple. But again, I like the idea
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: of it. Would I do it? Absolutely not.
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: Unless it's your idea.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Exactly right. I feel attacked.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I just need to plant that seed and
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: then when Ash is like, I just think that for
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: the podcast we should catch up every six months.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Back off, you're not.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Mate, I'm like, honestly, can we reduce the catch-ups now?
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I just not afford thinking like that.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: That's okay. We'll wait and see. Just really quickly, we
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: talked about ice packs and how shit they are.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Kids don't understand they're cold.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: So apparently lentils, you put them in a sock, put
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: the sock in the freezer. You then have, it's like
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: the right level of coldness because the ice pack is
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: too cold. Also, it gets wet. Kids hate moisture. We
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: know that.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: What about a bag of peas?
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: The moisture. The wetness.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: You wrap it in a paper towel.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: The wetness.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: You should not put ice directly on your muscles anyway.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: There needs to be a layer of ice. between your
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: skin and the ice itself because you could potentially frostbite
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: or burn the muscle.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Who told you that, Oscar?
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: ChatGBT. Oscar did tell me that, actually.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: So Madlena. Madlena. Is that a name?
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Get out of here.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: Madlena.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I love how you bolded that too.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Madlena.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Did you bold that on purpose?
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: So she's all for the lentil sock. Just an idea.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: Just a hack.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: There you go. Make a lentil sock and put it. Yeah, okay.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: Take it or leave it.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to say I'm going to try it.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I don't have lentils in my house.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Do you have lentils?
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: No.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: I've got some news for you.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: Hit me.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Off the back of gymnastics chats.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: Who was talking about gymnastics?
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: You were talking about gymnastics and that stupid fucking wheel
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: that keeps tearing your house apart.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: That was me? I apologize.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: The wheel of tantrums. There's a great divide of the
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: wheel of tantrums. Macy wanted to do gym as well.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: So she signed up for gym and she started.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: Because she wants the wheel?
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: No.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: And I'll be honest, I went to watch. I've got
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: to watch. I want to see this. Went to watch and- Honestly,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I want to have a go. It looks like so
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: much fun.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: It's like a big adult playground you can't hurt yourself in.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: I want to swing off something really high.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: I know. It does look really fun in there. Surely
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: you're allowed to just like drop your kids off, a
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: couple little bounces on the trampoline.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: I think they do have an adult free session.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you don't want to be that fucking adult.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: You'd be a freak, eh?
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: We had a ninja kids party and every single adult
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: there was like, I would love to have a go here.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I really do. I was like, I want to
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: do a big flip into the ball pit. I mean,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: into the foam pit. And April was like, oh, think
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: of the bacteria.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: A lot of bacteria in there.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: And I was like, are they Glen 20 yet?
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: I used to do gymnastics and I went to nationals.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I was waiting for this. You don't? In London?
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: I knew this was coming.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: Was it in London?
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Well, just really quickly, at my school, when you had
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: a sporting achievement that was, you know, like state level
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: or I think higher than regionals, they would announce it
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: at assembly. They would be like, and congratulations to Tim
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: Smith who came fourth at the state 400 metres, everyone.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: And so in gymnastics, there's levels. Level one is like roly-polies.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: We'll talk about roly-polies after this, but yeah.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: And so I was level three, which is very low.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: What does that entail? So imagine high bar, the apparatus,
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: you would just swing.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: I can do that. So I can be level three.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: You're level three. Essentially you are straight in. The door
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: is open for level three for you. Okay.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: And where do you get to flips? Because they're just
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: roly-polies in the air.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: It's like level four, level five.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: They're just roly-polies in the air.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: Well said. Thank you. Well said. So I went to
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: nationals for level three and I told the school that
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: I went to nationals and I came like seventh at nationals.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Didn't say what level I was in. And it got
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: announced at assembly. And then there's a guy called Joshua
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: Jeffries who ended up representing Australia. He was very, very good.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: In level three?
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: He was like, he was doing all the flippies.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: And people were like, oh, Joshua Jeffries, you must have
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: competed against him because he was also at nationals. And
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: I was like.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, God.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: It's unravelling.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: This line is unravelling so quick.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: Someone was like, do a flip.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, no, I can't.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: I'm injured.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: I can give you a roly poly. Speaking of roly polies, segue.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: Macy's done one class and obviously she did a couple
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: of roly polies and she's figured out what a roly
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: poly is and she loves them.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I love them. So last night she was like, I
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: went into my bedroom and I looked and she was
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: practising her roly polies. And I was like, what are
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: you up to? And she was like, oh, look at
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: my roly-poly.
• 21:46
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I could use some work. And I was like,
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: tuck your chin in like this.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: And she was like, oh, okay.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: And it started to get better and better. And I
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: was like, hey, when Oscar gets out of the shower,
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: everyone's in their jammies, what we'll do is we'll do
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: a show that you can show everyone in the house,
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: so me, Oscar, Macy, and the dog, your roly-polies.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: Love that.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: And she was like, yeah. So I left her in
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: there while I cleaned up the kitchen or whatever because
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I'm such a good guy. And then I– thank you.
• 22:11
  Speaker 5: Where's April in all this?
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Who?
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Nevermind. She was showering Oscar.
• 22:18
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: So we, we swap, we swap it out sometimes, you know,
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: call an audible. And I said, okay, what we'll do
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: is we'll, we'll do.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: It, make it a proper show. And she was like, okay.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you're going to do a walk-in while everyone's
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: waiting for you. Okay. And she was like, okay. And
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: I was like, have you ever seen WWE? She's like, no.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I'm like wrestling. She's like, no.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: I was like, okay, well, it's going to be a
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: bit like that. So everyone's in the bedroom because I
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: wanted to do it on the bed so she didn't
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: hurt her neck too much.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Because they're just so clunky. It's not a nice roly-poly.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: It's like roly.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: She's got the muscle strength of a newborn. Honestly. It's like, hey, Maisie.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: Hello.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Anyway, so I gathered everyone.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: In the room, everyone, all two of us, three of us,
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: and I was like, you stand out here and I'm
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: going to announce you. And then what I'm going to
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: do is as you're running in, I'll sing us like
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: a pump up song, like you're in WWE. So I
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: had her stand on the lounge room. I'm like, you
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: wait for my signal. And she was like, so eager.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: She's like, ready to go. And I was like, coming
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: in at three foot three and 16 kilos. It's Macy
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: Moo Moo. And I was like flicking the light switch.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: And Oscar was like, yeah. She comes in and she
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: was just like so pumped.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: She was like, is everybody ready? And I was like,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: what do you need to do? She's like, tuck. Tuck
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: my chin to my neck. And I was like, what
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: are you going to aim for? She's like, your pillow.
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: Woo.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: Roly poly. And then I was like, you ready? Ready?
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: Ready?
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Another roly poly. Flicking the lights on and off.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: And she's like, runs out of the room like she's
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: absolutely achieved the best thing ever. And she was like,
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: wait till I get to gym so I can show
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: her my roly polies.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: What a good dad. Oh, man, it was so much fun.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: I want to come over to your house.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: I know, it was like 7 o'clock at night. The
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: neighbours would have been like, what the fuck are these
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: people doing? Anyway, the roly-poly, she's working on it. I
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: can't wait for the cartwheel because it's going to be
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: a massive show.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: Oh, the cartwheel. My advice for the cartwheel, it's a marathon,
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: not a sprint. And learning the cartwheel.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Oscar tried one.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: Marley's gotten better. It cost us thousands of dollars in
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: gymnastics fees to get like a half cartwheel.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: And a tantrum.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: And then we're trying to do handstands and yeah.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: When Macy, because obviously it was her first time at
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: the parallel bar where they, what they had to do
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: is they had to hold the really low one and
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: just swing their legs and kick the mat.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: And Macy was like, not for me.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: No.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: I was filming to be like, all right, she's going
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: to do it. She's going to do it. She walked
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: up and it's her turn. She was like, no. And
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: the lady was like. Not for me, thanks.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: Just the roly-poly. That's all I want.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: She, like, got to the end of the step, sat down.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: Like, the most, like, everything with Macy has got to
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: be just so. So she's, like, patently sat down, put
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: her feet on the ground, then.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: Stood up and walked away. And everyone's like, whoa! It's like,
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: fucking hell. But keep you updated on the gymnastics. But
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: I honestly.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: Can you please get me a video of the roly-poly?
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, 100%. Yeah, tonight. We're doing it again. We're doing
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: the show again.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: Tonight.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: And I think Oscar wants to get in on the act.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: But just so you're mindful, it's not real music, it's me.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Just so you know. Just to set the expectation.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: Thank you for managing.
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: Just be careful they don't roll into each other because
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: that's when.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: No, they'll be doing one at a time. I'm not
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: running a circus, Vic. Quickly before we go to breaking news,
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: because we've got Vic here to do breaking news.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: Please. I'll set the camera up. Just want to wish
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: all the dads out there a happy Father's Day. Yes.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Spend the day with your kids. Build the connection.
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: Whatever.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: To all the dads out there, look, I think, I think.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: I don't think you can say it any better than
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: I did.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: Not to take away from the very important message that
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Ash is putting out, but I think it is easy
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: to look at dads and be like, in fact, they're pathetic.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: They don't need a day.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: But I think there are so many dads out there
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: who are doing a really amazing job that are raising
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: the bar off the ground where it was previously for
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: the last generation of dads.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: You could have roly-polied over it.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the bar is.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: Now you're level three. You're a level three dad. You're
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: swinging on that low bar.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: But to the dads out there that are... Showing up
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: every single day with their kids and, you know, doing
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: all the right things and making sure that they're persistent,
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: not trying to be perfect, but just they're there, showing up,
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: but also making sure that things like the mental load
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: is being shared with their partners, just ticking all the boxes.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: To those dads, if you're listening, if you're watching this,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: you know who you are, you're doing such an amazing job,
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: not just for your family, but also raising the bar
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: for families all around the country.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: Well said.
• 26:56
  Speaker 5: And I would include you too, guys.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank you.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: In that, yeah.
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: What I was going to add is it's okay to
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: spend 40 minutes in the toilet, but as long as
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: you show up after that 40 minutes.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: When you do get the blood back to your legs
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: and your feet and you're able to walk again.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: I know, dude. I'll tell you right now. Oh, no.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: I know. I feel flat on my face. Anyway, happy
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Father's Day. Breaking news. Vic, what have you got for us?
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: Okay, well, in breaking news, with Father's Day fast approaching,
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: the children of Australia's favourite podcasting dads have spoken out
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: about what they're really like behind closed doors. I managed
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: to get boots on the ground in both camps to
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: obtain some exclusive, never-before-heard audio from the kids themselves. Let's
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: take a listen.
• 27:39
  Speaker 8: Hey, what's your name?
• 27:40
  Speaker 6: My name is Laura.
• 27:42
  Speaker 8: What do you like the most about your daddy?
• 27:44
  Speaker 6: He gives me big hugs and horsey rides.
• 27:48
  Speaker 8: And what do you think he does for a job?
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: Podcast.
• 27:51
  Speaker 8: What do you do on a podcast?
• 27:53
  Speaker 6: We do work.
• 27:55
  Speaker 8: Yeah, he does do some work. What's his favourite food?
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: Blueberries.
• 28:00
  Speaker 8: You think Daddy's favourite food is blueberries?
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:03
  Speaker 8: What do you like doing with Daddy the most?
• 28:05
  Speaker 6: Doing horsey rides.
• 28:06
  Speaker 8: Horsey rides?
• 28:07
  Speaker 6: Thank you for listening. Who do you.
• 28:10
  Speaker 8: Think gives the best horsey rides in the whole world?
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: Daddy.
• 28:13
  Speaker 8: And who do you think gives the best cuddles?
• 28:15
  Speaker 6: Daddy.
• 28:16
  Speaker 8: And if you could say one thing to Daddy, what
• 28:18
  Speaker 8: would you say?
• 28:19
  Speaker 6: I love you, Daddy. To the moon, my butt crack.
• 28:23
  Speaker 7: And back.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Did you say butt crack?
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: To my butt crack?
• 28:27
  Speaker 6: I want to watch TV. You're the best daddy in
• 28:32
  Speaker 6: the whole world.
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: That's sweet.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: You sneaky little sausage, Vic.
• 28:38
  Speaker 8: What do you like most about Daddy?
• 28:40
  Speaker 9: I like that he's really funny and he shows me
• 28:42
  Speaker 9: lots of tricks.
• 28:44
  Speaker 8: What kind of tricks?
• 28:45
  Speaker 6: Like when I roll up in the air and he
• 28:47
  Speaker 6: throws me.
• 28:48
  Speaker 8: What is your favourite thing to do with Daddy?
• 28:51
  Speaker 6: When he draws with me.
• 28:54
  Speaker 8: Oh, when he draws with you. What does Daddy do
• 28:56
  Speaker 8: for a job?
• 28:56
  Speaker 6: Daddy does podcasting.
• 28:58
  Speaker 8: And what does he do all day?
• 29:00
  Speaker 6: He looks after me.
• 29:02
  Speaker 8: He looks after you. What does he do all day
• 29:04
  Speaker 8: at podcasting?
• 29:05
  Speaker 9: He works with Ash and talks about really funny things.
• 29:10
  Speaker 8: What do you want to say to Daddy?
• 29:12
  Speaker 9: I love you, Daddy. And you are the best daddy
• 29:15
  Speaker 9: in the whole universe.
• 29:17
  Speaker 7: What do you think Daddy's favourite colour is? What do
• 29:19
  Speaker 7: you think Daddy's favourite food is?
• 29:21
  Speaker 6: Chicken pie or lasagna.
• 29:24
  Speaker 7: And what do you think Daddy likes to do most
• 29:26
  Speaker 7: of the time?
• 29:27
  Speaker 8: What's his favourite thing to do?
• 29:28
  Speaker 6: Do lots of jobs because he always does gardening.
• 29:32
  Speaker 8: He likes to do the gardening.
• 29:33
  Speaker 7: Is that his favorite thing to do yeah and how
• 29:37
  Speaker 7: much do you love daddy i.
• 29:39
  Speaker 9: Love daddy all around all the universes when 33 000
• 29:43
  Speaker 9: times and all around the galaxy 300 times and then
• 29:46
  Speaker 9: all around the sun Ten times and then all around
• 29:54
  Speaker 9: the earth ten times.
• 29:56
  Speaker 6: That's how much I love him.
• 29:58
  Speaker 8: Whoa, do you know what Lola said? What? All the
• 30:00
  Speaker 8: way to the moon, my butt cracking back.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, sneaky Vic.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: Thank you for that, Vic.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: Isn't your favourite food salmon?
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: Blueberries. I'm surprised I weren't like on his phone.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, blueberry lasagna, lovely. All right, now I've got Macy.
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: What is your favourite thing to do with Daddy?
• 30:23
  Speaker 7: What is your favourite thing about Daddy?
• 30:25
  Speaker 6: What is Daddy's job?
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, what does Daddy do for work? Yeah, do you
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: know what he does? Rotating some photos. That's very clever.
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: How tall is Daddy? He's taller than you.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: What is Daddy really good at?
• 30:57
  Speaker 6: He's really good at making my hair.
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: Making your hair. When did he get good at doing that?
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: On Wednesday.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: On Wednesday.
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: What is Daddy's favourite food?
• 31:12
  Speaker 5: Eggs.
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah. What does Daddy like to do the most? Do work.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: I don't know. Anything else you want to say about
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: your daddy?
• 31:49
  Speaker 6: I love you, Dada.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: She's got the sweetest voice.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: She saves us from the garage of a rush of.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Next question.
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: I feel like April was really sus on like, does Daddy.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: Do your hair? Since when? I did when she was away.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: Wednesday?
• 32:10
  Speaker 5: And then little Oscar.
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: What is your favourite thing to do with Daddy?
• 32:14
  Speaker 6: Go to Melbourne with him and watch Origin.
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: What is your favourite thing about Daddy?
• 32:20
  Speaker 6: Daddy takes me everywhere.
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: What is Daddy really good at?
• 32:24
  Speaker 6: Being a coach for soccer.
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: How tall is Daddy?
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: It doesn't break my heart. It makes me happy.
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: What is Daddy's favourite food?
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: Mexican.
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: What does Daddy like to do the most?
• 32:39
  Speaker 6: Play racing on his thingy.
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: What is something that Daddy always says to you? One
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: last chance, buddy. And what do you love most about Daddy?
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: He has a moustache. Anything else you want to say
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: about Daddy? He tickles me.
• 33:00
  Speaker 6: He tickles me.
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: Before the day.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Vic.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Vic, for organising that.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: That looks like I'm going to be coaching him.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: That was lovely.
• 33:15
  Speaker 5: Oh, you're welcome. You guys deserve it.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: You tricked us, mate. You tricked us, you little fucking liar.
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: You've got to thank your wives though because, man, that
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: was a lot of work for them.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: I think we've done it for Laura and April before and, like, God,
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: sometimes it's like trying to get blood from a stone. Yeah.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: Oscar's like, I'm not talking until I get something. Fair enough.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: Thank you very much.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Beautiful.
• 33:37
  Speaker 5: But you're both beautiful dads and I just wanted you
• 33:40
  Speaker 5: guys to know how your kids really feel about you
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: for Father's Day.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: Thank you. It's reassuring to know that Lola loves me
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: all the way to her butt crack and back.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Who told her that?
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: If I can see that thing enough, bloody hell.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: Who told her that saying?
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: That's pretty good.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: To my butt, because it's the moon, my butt crack
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: and back. It rhymes too.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: Somehow I've become her preferred parent only for wiping her ass.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, no. Well, it's Lisa something.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'll take it.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Take it. Take the bouncing ball, Matthew, and run with it.
• 34:11
  Speaker 5: But they had such cute little answers.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 34:13
  Speaker 8: A little insight.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: My neighbour the other day was like, Macy's voice.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: So cute.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: There's nothing I could do to preserve it other than
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: keep as much audio of it as I can. Just
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: pure innocence. There's that video where I did where she
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, fruit? You know the fruit? She was like, watermelon.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, man, I can't, I can't.
• 34:32
  Speaker 8: I can't.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Also sucked into you because you're coaching Oscar forever.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, look, there's parts of the coaching I do like.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: I do love getting a rise out of them.
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: You sent us a photo on the weekend of you, like, huddled.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: With the group.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, the dad spot.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: The perfect dad crouch. The dad spot. The dad crouch
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: is unbelievable.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: I know, the posture on Ash as he's kneeling down
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: to be eye-height with the kids.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: I know, April sent me photos of the soccer game,
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: like the kids.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: It was their last game.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: And then I just was like, I ignored all those photos.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, look at that. Perfect dad crouch. Posture.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Get that printed.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Rump.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: If not at home.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: On tippy toes. We'll put it here.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: That deserves a spot on the wall.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: The balance was unbelievable.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: Who took that photo?
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: Christy.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: Shout out to Christy.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: Yep, shout out to Christy.
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: I mean, that could be on a jumper. The dad crouch.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, show us your dad crouch.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: Also to Dan as well. I do want to give
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: a mention to my beloved Dan.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: We actually have a message from Ellie. Hey, Daddy. I've
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: got a cup of tea with your name on it.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: There's so many things that I look at and I'm like,
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: I could fix that.
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: It's a slippery slope.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: She hasn't washed the mug that he used.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: Keeps it for safekeeping.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: I want to give an update on... I had some
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: blood tests.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: Your bloods.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: I did. I was worried.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: Fair enough. I was worried.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: I think fair enough.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: Vic was worried.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Lots of changes.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: The donors were worried.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: Lots of changes.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: You're no spring chicken anymore.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: But I have some good news for the listeners. Everything
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: is tip top.
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: Yay.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: Which is... I'm shocked, for starters. There was one thing
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: that was low, which is manageable, which is vitamin D.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Because I did talk about how.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: You need more dick. More dick.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: My doctor said....
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: Of course you make that joke.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: Sorry. How much dick does one man need? Endless. She
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: said to me, you know it's odd when the doctor's
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: shocked that you're healthy. She's like... Are these the right two? Yeah,
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: because I had to double back.
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: She said, I even left it on my desk and
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: came back to it to make sure with a freshened eyes.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: No, fuck you.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, she was like, so I've got some, yeah,
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: good news.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: All you need to do is take some vitamin D
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: for the next three months and go for a walk
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: every day.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're really pushing the walks.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: I'm not peddling it like I'm selling them.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: You are like every second thing is like, have I
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: mentioned I was in.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: A walk yesterday? It's the Wayne Wicks salesman in me.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: I can't help it.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: It's like I'm waiting for you to come out with
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: like the new Wicks walking shoe.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like an Air Max.
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: The comfort.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: In the group chat. In the group chat, you're like, hey, guys,
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: just walk. Take a look at this.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: Anyway.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: I found this on my walk and it's a picture
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: of a pond.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: It was a waterfall. Anyway, and it was like in
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: my backyard. I literally walked out the back door and
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: was like, it's a waterfall. It looked like I was
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: in a different country.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: What was the suggestion for the walk?
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: So the suggestion was, okay, because I just, my mental
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: health was just not playing ball.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: Okay. And I, yes, I'm not, obviously I'm not out
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: as much. I'm not. Day drinking as much. I'm not
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: getting as much sun. Simple as that.
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: And she said, get out and do some walks and stuff,
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: which honestly I just like felt so much better about
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: it afterwards.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: Like everything about it, like I just felt happier until
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: I started to get swooped by the birds, didn't I?
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: I took a detour.
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: They'll get you.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: They will. Well said. They will get you.
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: I took a detour and there was a shifty looking
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: magpie hanging around and I thought.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Hey, little fella.
• 38:10
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: You're a cute looking little birdie.
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: It was more like he was looking at me going,
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: you're a cute little man.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: I want to swoop.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, fucking hell.
• 38:22
  Speaker 5: That was very good.
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 38:23
  Speaker 5: I was going to go.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: What have I got? I'm too smiley to whistle.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Too many walks. Very good.
• 38:33
  Speaker 5: You guys have been practicing.
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: I'm a whistler from way back.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: Continue.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: Anyway. Stupid fucking magpie sounded just like that. He just
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: looked like he was up to no good. They look
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: shifty anyway.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: They're shifty motherfuckers.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: They're fucking walking around.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: They've got beaks as well.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: They're looking around.
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: When they go and they do that little side head like,
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: I'm fucking going to get you.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: I remember when you walk the pram with a newborn
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: and Laura would be like, pull it shut. You never
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: know with a magpie. You can't trust them.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: Someone was like, it's not even swooping season.
• 39:05
  Speaker 8: I'm like, what?
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: Why can't they be like the other birds? They just
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: fly south for the winter, harmlessly flying overhead.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: There they are.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: They're going south or west or east or north for
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: the winter.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: Is the swooping from when they have nests maybe?
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's like the megahors are like, fuck that
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: board of shit. I'm going after this guy. So I
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: see him. He's shifty. He's on a fence. I was like,
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: you're shifty, fuck. And I'm walking, and at the back
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: of where I live, there's still some big blocks of
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: land that they've held.
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: Out from the developers because there's some horses on there
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: and people still live there.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: So it's quite flat and open.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: And I thought, I'm exposed here. I'm fucking exposed by
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: the elements from this bird. And I'm like, okay, I'm
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: just going to walk. I did the thing where it's like,
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: don't look at it. Like with a dog, because it'll
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: just follow you. He's like, don't, I'm not looking at it.
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: But it knew that I wasn't looking at it. And
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: I was like, I've got to look at it in
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: case it's coming for me. And then I was like,
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: I took one look and it's fucking on its way
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: towards me.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: So I had a water bottle.
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: And if anyone came around the corner, they would have
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: just seen a 36-year-old man running down the middle of
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: the road with a water bottle in the air like that,
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: flipping it around.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: And I was like, help! I know. I was like,
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: I fucking wish I had some mace or something. I
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: was like, help! And then eventually... Eventually I must have
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: been out of its territory. Anyway, I never went back
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: down that street ever again. But the mental health walks
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: were great except for the birds that are swooping me.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: Did it actually swoop? The bird just flew off and
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: Ash is like, I'm being attacked.
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: I was borderline going to get my phone out to
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: film selfie in case it did attack me because I
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: thought that would be really funny. And it didn't get
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: as close as I've had them come to me before,
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: but it was definitely swooping me and I'm– Oh, shut up.
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: So I'm just this manic man running down there. There
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: was actually no bird.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: April's like, oh, those mental health forks really aren't helping.
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: I just get home and I'm just an anxious, nervous man.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: Me and the dog shaking.
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: The dog shakes when it starts to thunder and someone
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: was wheeling the bins in the other day. So me
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: and the dog are fucking shaking in the corner of
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: the house. I'm not going on another walk.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: So anyway, I'm feeling much better. As you can tell,
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: I'm much happier than I was.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: How often do you take a walk?
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to get a walk in every day and
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: it doesn't have to be big. Like this morning I
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: just did like 20 minutes. Look, where I live, it's flat.
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: The wetlands has all these like amazing paths and.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: I'm like fucking.
• 41:31
  Speaker 5: Like nature walks.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I should have been doing this ages ago. I'm
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: fucking stubborn, aren't I?
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're still young.
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: I don't feel it.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: Actually, I do feel it because I'm in tip-top shape.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: Apparently.
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: Do they say when those results come back, do they say, oh,
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: this is actually really good, like cholesterol?
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: That's what you want, though, yeah.
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: When a doctor rings you, you were like, Matt, your
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: health is good.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: How good?
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: How good? If you're going to give me a score.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: Was there anything that you were most proud of with
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: the results? I'm like, wow, your sperm count.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, they're like, it's off the charts. Anything in like- No,
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: they're like, sir, there is no sperm. Sectomy. Let's probably
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: do that.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: Of course.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: No, look, honestly, I was just really anxious about my prostate.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: And the prostate's good.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: Prostate's good. Shockingly.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: Do they just say like literally prostate good?
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: Do you get a prostate score, right?
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: What's your prostate score?
• 42:27
  Speaker 5: It's got levels, so you can be high, medium.
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: I'm a level three prostate.
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was really worried about my prostate, right? Because
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: of the wing. Yeah, because of the wing. So I
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: was talking to my dad about it, who's in his 60s.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: He's only 70. Jesus Christ, getting on that guy.
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, I just... Do you know
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: what he said to me at the start of the
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: phone call? He was like, oh, I can tell you're
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: a bit worried about your health. He was like, make
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: sure you drink plenty of water, okay? Because I was
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: talking about my prostate, and I was like, oh, I
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: drink shitloads of water.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: And in the same sentence, he's like, oh, you shouldn't
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: drink too much water.
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 43:02
  Speaker 5: What?
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: Shut up, Dad.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: It's such a boomer thing to say too. It's like, oh,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: you shouldn't do that. He was like, get off those
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: drinks you're drinking. I said, I don't drink alcohol. He's like, well,
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: whatever it is that you're drinking right now, get off that.
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: It's H2O.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: I don't do it. Yeah, you should drink water. Not
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: too much though. Get back on the beer. Yeah, get
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: back on the beer, son. I'll find it and I'll
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: let everybody know. We'll do a score off. You know,
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: it'd be something medical.
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: It's like you're in the hematoma region of the dexyhydrochloride.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: That was beautiful.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: So that's it? That's it? The medical episode is finished?
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I'll give you an update on the seagull. I mean,
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: the fucking... The magpie. Yeah. I'll give you an update
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: on that.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: Right. So that's it. Nothing else. Nothing more.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: For now.
• 43:45
  Speaker 5: Great.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Well done.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm feeling good at the moment. I'm actually much
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: happier that I got all those results back.
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: I'm reassured.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: Go get a blood test.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: I need to get one.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: And that's you and every other fucking dad out there.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: No need to yell.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: Have a piece of fruit. And don't drink too much water.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: But drink enough water.
• 43:59
  Speaker 5: And get some sunshine.
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: Get some sunshine.
• 44:01
  Speaker 6: Get some dick.
• 44:04
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: Do you remember, Ash, what life was like with a baby? Yeah.
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: Oh, yeah.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: No.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Look, yeah.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, let me ask you another question.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: The traumatising parts or?
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: What do you think is the hardest phase of parenting?
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: When I think when they're.
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: Just start to be on the move and they can't
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: understand you.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: I've hit the nail on the head, haven't I?
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: I don't know what's happened to my beautiful, calm, relaxed,
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: easygoing little baby Poppy. She's figured out that she can move.
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: Something's clicked into gear.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: Is she crawling?
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: She is lightning fast.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: Did she completely skip sliding? Because I remember Oscar could
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: only slide backwards.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: She slid for, yeah, like moments. And then she was like,
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: fuck this, next level up.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: You know, like the picture of the fish turning into
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: a man. She's like, fuck the rest of that.
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: Straight to crawling. But she doesn't even like to be
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: held anymore. Before it was easy because you could just
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: have her on your hip or have her in the carrier.
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: Even in the pram, she'd be in the pram and
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: she'd be like, chill. Now she's just like. Let's fucking go.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: I know. And when they can't go, they get so frustrated.
• 45:20
  Speaker 6: Man.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: She's just like anything that she can throw herself off,
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: she's like, I will do that.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: She's a dive bomber.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: She just wants to like the stairs, dude. We're now
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: in the era of like just climbing.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: I did see you've got the gate up now.
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: We've got the gate up now and to the kids
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: we're like, hey, just if you're going to come down
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: the stairs, just close the gate.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: I thought it was for Nana.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: And they're like, also keeps Nana around. When we're having
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: sex upstairs.
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: You mean Nellie.
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: Nellie, Nellie.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: If you want to go again, hi with me.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: But it's, there was like a split second where we've
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: always got to have, someone's going to have eyes on
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: Poppy and like the blink of an eye, she was
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: halfway up the stairs. We're like, fucking hell.
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: Holy.
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: And you've got, just to paint a picture for the audience,
• 46:03
  Speaker 3: your stairs are the ones that they're like floating, call
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: them floating.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: You can, it's not like a, They can fall like through.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: You can slip through. I have slipped through. She is.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: And then as well when we grabbed her, she's like,
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: don't fucking touch me. And I'm like, I'm here to
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: save your life. Or just like anything.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: Shut up and let me throw myself off the stage.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: I know what I'm doing. And I'm like, man. And
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: then I look over and she's got a fucking knife.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, Poppy. And she's like, what? I'm like,
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: just put it down. She just wants to grab anything
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: that can cause self-harm. She's just like a manic little
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: baby at the moment.
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: Because obviously they just, like I said, they're on the
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: move when they can't understand you and then they don't
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: understand when they can't, when they're.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: Not allowed to be on the move.
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: So if they're restricted, they're like, it's like when you
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: wear a long-sleeved shirt that's a bit too tight, you're like,
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: just fucking leave me.
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: And just the days of me just holding her and
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: having a nice cuddle with her, they're long gone. Even
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: when I'm like giving her a bottle, she's still like
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: fucking slapping me. She's like, you fucking.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: He watched me jump off these fucking stairs.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, dude. And then trying to get an 11 month old.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: She's 11 months old, right? You know, I'm a grown man.
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: I'm 85 kilos.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: Congratulations.
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: You think I would be strong enough to put my
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: baby into a pram?
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: No, absolutely not.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: But I'm like, dude, I'm. I'm battling.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: It's like when you're trying to put a cat into
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: a box.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Not that I've done that. And I forget like
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: my memory of this phase.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: It's like weirdly nostalgic. I'm like, oh, that's right. This
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: is fucking hard.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: We had one of each.
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: We had Oscar who was literally never shut up as
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: soon as he came out and never, as soon as
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: he could move, I still can't stop him.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: He's off. He's gone.
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: And then Macy who was just happy to sit and
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: watch the world go by. That's still the case now.
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: But like I remember like. Perfect mate is there at least.
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: Imagine having two of them like that at one time.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: It's like no wonder like twin parents are like, oh,
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: my God, man.
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: Because you're like watching one climb up the stairs while
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: the other one's on the fucking kitchen bench.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: Laura was like, we should take another holiday soon. And
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: I'm like, there is no way I'm going to be
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: stuck in a capsule for more than a couple of
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: hours with this baby because she's just like doesn't want
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: anyone to fucking touch her. And also like just hurry
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: up and talk.
• 48:20
  Speaker 5: Oh.
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: Just tell me what you want.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, that's it. Once they start talking, they still
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: don't know what they want.
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: But she does do. I want to get an audio
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: of it. The only thing she does is like, ha.
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: Does she coo? Does she do the cooing? Just like, ha.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: Like hocking up a loogie.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: I come into her room in the morning and she's like, ha.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, hey.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: You're like, g'day. Hello to you too.
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: Or like, we're going to go outside and people are
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: like getting up. She's like, ha. She's just like an
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: old samurai. That's all she's saying. But I'm like, fuck,
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: I'm reminded that parenting babies, it's exhausting.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: It's not for the faint hearted.
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: It's exhausting, Ash.
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: I had twin cousins, right? They were a bit younger
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: than me.
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: They're older and grown up now. But when they were kids,
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: they were like that. Both of them were on the
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: move all the time. I remember a boy and a girl,
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: the boy ended up on top of the kitchen bench,
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: necking a vodka cruiser before anyone noticed.
• 49:20
  Speaker 5: Oh, my God.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: And I'll tell you right now, he downed it.
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: Fucking hell.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: Spewed it up immediately because it was like hot.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: It was hot.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: It was cold and fizzy. He beer bonged it. Essentially
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: beer bonged it.
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: How old was he?
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: He would have been two, three, two.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: Why did these young kids... Make a glass of milk.
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: Just eat a meal. Like, seriously, have a sip of
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: fucking water.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, fucking hell.
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: Anyway, like, yeah, definitely you are getting into the, because
• 49:47
  Speaker 3: we talked about there's no terrible twos, but you're going
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: to go from that one to two where once, yeah,
• 49:51
  Speaker 3: she starts to walk. You can have three walking children
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: in your house.
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, look away. I look back and I'm like,
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: where's Poppy? And she's like, oh, fuck, she's on the roof.
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: Do you know the roof of the vodka cruiser?
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, jump off.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: I know what I'm doing.
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm sick of people telling me what to do.
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: The trick is to teach her how to climb down
• 50:11
  Speaker 5: from things.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: That is a real hack.
• 50:14
  Speaker 5: So Louis started crawling at five months and we were like,
• 50:17
  Speaker 5: what the fuck? But Dan took it upon himself to
• 50:21
  Speaker 5: teach Louis how to get down from the couch. So
• 50:23
  Speaker 5: like he knew how to climb up.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: So how would you do that?
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: You show that like you put them in the position
• 50:28
  Speaker 5: and then you kind of.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: Slide feet down. Okay.
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 50:32
  Speaker 5: And then Louie got really good at, and then he
• 50:34
  Speaker 5: loved to like climb up and then climb down and then.
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah, a few times coming down the stairs. She's
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: just like, Just like face first, like leading tower of
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: Pisa down.
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like when someone's like, it's like someone had tied
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: your hands behind your back and pushed you forward.
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: She's like, I got this.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: Hey, guys.
• 50:52
  Speaker 9: Oh, man.
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: It's so exhausting.
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: It's fucking, it is hard work.
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: On a lighter note, though, one of you, I did notice,
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: and I'm going to ask you about this, because when
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: we went.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Away together earlier this year, Oscar allowed one, You to
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: push him onto waves on a surfboard.
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: He won't allow me because I think sometimes I can
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: be a bit hard on him because I demand perfection. No,
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: because I think he just felt more comfortable not being
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: with me doing it.
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: He was way more like it was way more chill
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: with you. I think he felt too much pressure doing
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: it with me.
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: He needed another parent to do it.
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I was like, but then I saw on
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: the weekend, first of all, my first gripe is what
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: is that foamy that you're working with?
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: We found that in the house. That was like left over.
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: Give me another one of your boards.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: I've got one. I've got a new, I've got a
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: blue one coming.
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: Or when's it coming?
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: I should be here next week.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 51:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: I've got them bringing out a new model. It's the
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: same model, but different color.
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: We'll leave the details in the show notes. Yes.
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: For those of you wondering what we're talking about, last
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: year I did a custom foamy. Okay.
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: I'm redoing it again in a different colorway because they
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: stole my colorway for another board.
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: That's how good it was.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: I would, if I may have one, I'll give you
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: a shout out, of course. I'll promote it.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank you.
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: You're welcome.
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: Actually, I prefer Marley to do it because she's shredding.
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: I saw you're like, she's so happy. And then you
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: showed a video of.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: And it happens. Nosediving. I thought that's got to be
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: the end of it. Give us an update on the surfing.
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: Matt took his kid surfing and she nosedived and I
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: wanted to know how it's going.
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: So do you remember I spoke about that dad? I
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: was doing a drop-off after the birthday party and there's
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: a dad that I met who we just clicked.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about it.
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Ash got really jealous.
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: What?
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: So his daughter is in Marley's grade.
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: I told you that in confidence.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: And he is a great surfer. His daughter is also, sorry, sorry,
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: he's not.
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: As good as you. It's like someone, it's like me
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: meeting a dad and going, he's got a really great song,
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: it's called Happier Dog.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: That would hurt.
• 52:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: I can appreciate it. Yeah. So Marley all of a
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: sudden is very interested in surfing because her friend in
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: her class does it all the time.
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, good for her.
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: And so then on the weekend they messaged and said, hey,
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: great conditions on Saturday. It's beautiful weather, like a little
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: tiny wave. And they're like, does Marley want to come
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: down and go for a surf together? And I was like, great.
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: I'll grab my wetsuit. Marley was keen. She had a
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: wetsuit as well. I was like, this is great. She
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: was pumped. This is awesome. Also like, Nice to spend
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: some time with that dad, you know, impressive.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: Is it really?
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: But the only issue was.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: We're starting a podcast.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: I grabbed what I thought was my wetsuit.
• 53:20
  Speaker 5: Oh.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: But it was actually the top wetsuit of my spearfishing wetsuit,
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: which has a hood.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: That hobby that you did once.
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: And then that has like a little nappy satchel that
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: ties around your crunch and it has no legs.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: You didn't wear it?
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: And so I got there and they were in the water.
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: They're like, come in, the water's great. And mine was like,
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: come on, Dad, what are you doing? And I was like,
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: pulled out my wetsuit top and I was like, fuck.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: So all I had was my DTs and then like
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: a wetsuit top with a hood and I was like.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: I saw the photo. I was like, jeez, he's in budgies.
• 53:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: Does this guy not feel the cold?
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: So then I was like, there was a tiny little wave,
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: there's a few surfers out there and I was like,
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: that's going to be fucking weird if I go out
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: there with no pants on and a wetsuit top.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: Funny though.
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: And I was like, so maybe I'll just, and the
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: DTs I had were the bright pink ones with your
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: face on it.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Even better.
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: So I was like.
• 54:14
  Speaker 5: And he's trying to impress his new dad.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: So I'm trying to impress his new dad.
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he has to impress me that's on your crotch first.
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: And then he was like, who's that? And I was like,
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: it's not important. So I had to go out there.
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: And also there are 32 of those ones. They're fucking tiny,
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: those DTs. So I'm wearing these tiny pink DTs out there.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, yay.
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: Go Marley.
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: And he was like, oh, aren't you a bit cold?
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: And I was like.
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: No. Sugar in your arsehole. That's what I, my first thought,
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, oh, here goes Marley.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: What the fuck is Matt wearing?
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: I'm there naked, just like, God. You got any pants on?
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: Everyone out there is in like a full leg, full
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: arm wetsuit.
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, bro.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: It's winter.
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: Hey, honestly, that's a dad commitment right there. You could
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: have easily been like, oh, I forgot, I'll watch from here.
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: But no, you fucking ripped.
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: Your shirt off.
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: Persevered. He didn't really. He was like, I'm just going
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: to surf over here.
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: Do you guys know that can hurt?
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: And I was like, wait for me.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: So how did she go?
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: Very cold, very cold. She got two waves and don't
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: know if she loved it.
• 55:24
  Speaker 5: Was she stoked with getting two waves?
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: You know, it was great to have a bit of
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: time just out there on the board.
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: You know, just out there in the water.
• 55:32
  Speaker 5: That's been one of your goals to like get out
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: there with Marley.
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is for sure.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: And then she was like, I'm getting a bit cold.
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: And I was very conscious not to like.
• 55:40
  Speaker 5: Push it.
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: So I was like, once you call it, let's go in.
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: And also I'm fucking freezing.
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: I'm the sort of guy who's like, you're not going
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: until you catch one wave. I want to see a
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: 10 point ride.
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: But, like, this is really bad, but I was like,
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: if you catch five waves, leave me $ 10.
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: $ 2 a wave. I'll do that for you.
• 55:58
  Speaker 5: We actually got this as a Dota dilemma. It was like,
• 56:01
  Speaker 5: do you pay your kids money for, like, getting a
• 56:03
  Speaker 5: try or getting a wave or something like that?
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: Sometimes they just, like, I know she's going to like it.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: She just needs to have, like, a bit of.
• 56:09
  Speaker 5: A push to get there.
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, someone messaged me and they were like, I said
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: to my kid, if he scores a goal, he gets
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: a packet of Pokemon cards.
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: She was like, he could not stop fucking scoring goals.
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 56:18
  Speaker 5: Louis gets a dollar per try from his popper.
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: Right? I'm sure Jen right now.
• 56:23
  Speaker 5: Jen Neal, would be like, have.
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: I not taught you nothing, you fucking idiots?
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: Also her book's right behind us. She's put little cameras.
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: And microphones in there. And I'm like, if Marley does well,
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: I give her cocaine. And it's really worked.
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: We're more of a meth family ourselves.
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: I remember when I was a kid and I used
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: to body ball with all my friends younger and then
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: I hit a certain age. Dad never pushed me because
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: he wanted to do his hobby without me probably, which
• 56:47
  Speaker 3: I understand because sometimes it's like if Oscar's going to.
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: Do it, it's going to be like I'll surf.
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: When it's big and stuff, but try and surf with
• 56:55
  Speaker 3: him as much as possible when it's small.
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: Do you know what you said before, Ash, before we
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: started recording?
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: It's not a hobby, it's a lifestyle. Really?
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: That's also what you say and that's very true. But
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: you said people focus on the task, not the reward.
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: And I think that applies to both adults and kids
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: because sometimes- Miley will be like, I don't want to
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: put the wetsuit on. I don't want it. The water's cold.
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: She's so focused at the task being hard work that
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, but once you're like catching a wave,
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: that's the reward. You're going to love it. But she
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: doesn't see that. She just sees all the roadblocks in between.
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Oscar does the same with jiu-jitsu.
• 57:28
  Speaker 3: He's like, I don't want to go today, even though
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: he fucking loves it and he's so good at it.
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: And the Brazilians are like adopted him as Oscar De
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: La Hoya. That's a Mexican name.
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: Close. Felipe. Oscar Felipe Wicks.
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: But they were always like, keep him going because he's just,
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: you know. And I still have to have that battle
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: with him because he sees the task and he's a
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: bit nervous about the task.
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: He's anxious because he cares.
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: But I'm always like, think about the reward after and
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: how you feel.
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: And he bounces down the stairs on the way out
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: every time.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you just need to give those kids a little
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: bit of a push. Yeah.
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: Matt, it's time for one of our favourite segments. It's Lies.
• 58:09
  Speaker 5: Lies.
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: Matt, this segment, Parenting Lies, parents send in their lies,
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: little white lies they tell their kids. And this is
• 58:24
  Speaker 3: thanks to Omo and Omo Capsules. Specifically, when life gives
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: you laundry, keep up with capsules. And I will say,
• 58:30
  Speaker 3: a lot of these lies have helped me out of
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: a lot of messy situations.
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: So thank you, doters.
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: A little reminder, Ash, that we will be picking the
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: best lie of this batch to win a prize pack
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: from Omo.
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: An Omo prize pack, if you will.
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: I wish I was getting that.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: Do you want to go first or me? You go
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: first because that's long.
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: Okay. This is from Jenna. Jenna with a J. I
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: know Matt was talking about the girls watching the family
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: vloggers on YouTube. Those family vloggers.
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now they've fucking crossed over to Netflix.
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: Netflix, I know. My son used to watch a similar
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: one or it could have been the same. Vania Mania Kids.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: Sounds awful.
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: They all sound awful.
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: Blocked their channel and when my son asked where they went,
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: I said they got put in jail and can't make
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: videos anymore.
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: That's genius.
• 59:18
  Speaker 5: Also a little hectic.
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: They killed someone. They killed someone.
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: It was murder.
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: I think it stamps a solid message to these children.
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: Don't be like that or you'll go to jail.
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: Like Vlad and Mickey, they're going to murder their parents
• 59:30
  Speaker 3: one day, so they'll end up in jail. They're like
• 59:34
  Speaker 3: in a cage, I reckon.
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: Anyway, moving on.
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: Susan, if you whinge too much, your bum falls off.
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: No one wants that.
• 59:42
  Speaker 8: Simple.
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: No one wants that. And what do we hate? Whinging kids.
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: How do you solve it? The fear of your asshole
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: falling off.
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: And they do love a bit of bum humour. So
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: a bit of funny.
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: One in there too. Yeah, they're like, ha-ha.
• 59:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: Wait. Ha-ha?
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: Hang on a second. Shayla.
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: My Shayla.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: S-H-A-Y-L-A. Love your name. Shout out, Shayla. My Shayla. We
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: went through a bad tooth brushing phase, so told our
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: daughter every time she doesn't brush her teeth, it's one
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: less dollar she gets from the tooth fairy. Safe to
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: say she's not missed one since.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: That's good. I mean, she keeps having to go to
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: the dentist.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you, the sugar bugs, though. Go with the
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: sugar bugs.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're catching on.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: The sugar bugs will eat the teeth. Got to get
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: rid of them with the toothbrushing.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: Very good.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: The sugar bugs.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: Good.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: I like a line that makes kids do things that
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: they don't want to do.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 3: Always.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: Here's one for you. We had a Jen-R. Now we
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: have a Gem-R.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, jeez Louise. What are the chances?
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you right now. What a day.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: Write this down on the calendar.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: That's enough for me today. That's just capped off. Such
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: a great day, guys.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 2: What to expect.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: And it's a J, not a G. I can't believe it.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: The next name, it's like the pokey.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: China.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: Gemma said, told my boys if they continue to misbehave,
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 3: they'll grow horns. Now, every time they are intentionally misbehaving,
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: they touch their head to make sure the horns haven't
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 3: started to protrude.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: But also, you know, when like, you're like, oh, fuck,
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: they're coming. You know, you feel it.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: It's just a bump.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: Like when someone's got nits in you and you scratch. Oh,
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: you start itching. Sometimes the mind is so strong.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: The boys are like, oh, fuck, one's coming. I like it.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: Last one. Name is Rebecca.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 5: No, there's two more.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 2: Oh, fuck. Two more to go. This is my last one.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: This is Matt's last one.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: Just letting the listeners, the doters know that this is
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: my last lie for this record. From Rebecca. Hello, Rebecca.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: That was a lie you told about being your last lie.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: I know. So what is true? Who knows?
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: That's just what this segment's about. Hey, it'll get messy
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: without these lies. Without Omo capsules.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: End the segment. Very good. Very good. If the red
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: flag is out the front of McDonald's restaurants, it is
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: a signal to parents that they are out of food.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: Parents are getting crafty.
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: For those of you who don't know, the red flag is,
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: of course, the McDonald's flag, which is always flying.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: Why do they have a flag? Do other countries have?
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: If you're listening in America, there's more McDonald's than people
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 3: over there.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: They don't have that many flags.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: I think it's not needed.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: At what point is it half-mast?
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: Why do they even have any flag?
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: Very patriotic.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: It was nicer when I was working at Macca's and
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: I could like, who wants to get the flags and
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: bring them in? I'll do it because I'll take forever.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: Celeste, the last one for these episodes.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: Celeste?
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: It could be. No, I think it's Celeste with an
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: E at the end.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: Celeste.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's go with that. Mummy needs to charge. So
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: a little extra sleep in the morning is necessary today.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: So that's the lie to get the sleep. Mummy needs
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: to charge her batteries a little bit more.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: It's not a lie, though.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: That's true.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: Us parents are all tired out here. What battery is
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: mummy charging? That's what I really want to know. The
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: next line says, choose a winner. Let's go with the
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: toothbrushing one. I think that's hygienic and helpful.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: And not messy.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: So who was that? Jenna?
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: Gemma?
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 4: Shayla.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: Shayla. No.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: I know, we've got like 12 jammers in there.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: No, yeah. No, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 3: I like Shayla because she also said that it gives
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 3: you one less dollar. So she's saving the parents money
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: Shayla! My Shayla! So congratulations, Shayla. You have won a
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: Omo prize pack. What's in it? I don't know. Outro.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: Thanks.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: I just read what I was meant to read.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 3: How your brain works sometimes.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 5: It's not an autocue.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: Thanks again to Omo Capsules for sponsoring this segment of
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: Parental Lies, Dirty Dad's Edition. Find it in store, leading retailers,
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: and use as directed. And remember, Ash.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: Keep it out of sight and or reach of children.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: And I will, again, I will reiterate, without these lies,
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: our life would be a mess. Thanks to Omo. Now, outro.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: I think we should get out. We've kept Vic here
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: long enough. What's wrong with that?
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: No, it's just you're like narrating where we're at in
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: the podcast. I know. And now it's time for the farewells.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: So thanks so much for joining us on this episode.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: Do you know how tired I'm going to be when
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: I get home? I'm fucking exhausted from all this.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 5: We have done three this week.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 3: And then we turned all the lights off and the
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 3: cameras and we said our farewells to each other.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: We walked down to the garage.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: Into the basement. It's very echoey down there.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: If you've enjoyed this episode.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: No funny business.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: Please, for the love of God, subscribe to us.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: Please. I'm sweating.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 2: Give us a review, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or follow us
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: on the social meds.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: On the social meds. Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, the group, join that, whatever.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: YouTube Shorts.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 2: Did it just get bright in here?
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: It's just me. I'm just a ray of light in
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: your life.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: I need to get out of here.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the light's got that. You're narrating the episode now.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, and don't forget, the Oracle is back. I'm talking
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 2: about Jen Muir.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: I won't really present her, he just said. Yeah.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: And welcome back.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: Now, she has a new book out about boundaries, which
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 3: is something we all need in our lives.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 5: Oh, do we?
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: We'll find out when, Monday?
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: Monday.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was a great chat. She's very fun. I
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: love when she comes back.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: She's the best. And it's a great episode. And you'll
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: love it.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: We promise. Bye.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: Goodbye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders, past and present,
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 3: Islander peoples today.
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.