Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Navigate the First 90 Days
Transcript
- Lucas: So you just got promoted to manager, and now the people you used to grab lunch with are reporting to you. Welcome to the first ninety days, which can feel less like a promotion and more like a tightrope walk. Luna: That's such a specific moment. You've got to suddenly shift from buddy to boss, and it's tricky because those friendships don't just disappear. Lucas: Right, and that's exactly what we're digging into today. The transition from peer to manager is one of the hardest leadership shifts there is, and the first ninety days set the tone for everything that follows. If people see you stumble early, it's hard to rebuild that confidence. Luna: And if today's conversation gives you one useful tip for that transition, that's great. The way these shows stay ad-free is listener support, so if you found value here, you can buy me a coffee at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, that genuinely helps keep this going. So, let's get into it. The ninety-day mark is often a point where your boss and your team start to form a clear opinion about whether you're going to work out. Luna: What's the biggest mistake you see new managers make in those first few months? Lucas: I think the biggest one is trying to stay everyone's friend. You avoid the hard conversations, you laugh off missed deadlines, and you hope your team will cut you slack because they know you. But that actually backfires. Your team starts to lose respect because they need someone who sets clear direction, not a peer who lets things slide. Luna: So how do you find that balance? You don't want to become a cold, distant boss overnight, but you also need to establish some authority. Lucas: That's the key - it's not about becoming cold. It's about changing how you communicate. Early on, you need to be explicit about your role and what you're trying to achieve. In your first one-on-ones, spell out your expectations around goals, communication, and decision-making. That clarity does the heavy lifting for you. Luna: That makes sense. So it's less about telling people 'I'm the boss now' and more about setting up structures that make expectations clear. Lucas: Exactly. I remember a colleague who got promoted and immediately changed his communication style - he became super formal, started cc ing his boss on everything, and kept his distance. It created this weird vibe where people felt like they couldn't approach him. That's not the goal either. You want to be approachable but also clear about boundaries. Luna: What about the former peers who might feel resentful? Maybe they thought they should have gotten the promotion instead of you. Lucas: That's a real situation. The worst thing you can do is pretend it doesn't exist. If you sense someone is resentful, address it directly but privately. Say something like, 'I know this is a shift for us, and I want to make sure we can work well together. I value your input, and I need your support.' Luna: Does that actually work? Lucas: Sometimes it does, sometimes it takes longer. But if you don't address it, it festers and can infect the whole team. I've seen cases where a resentful peer starts undermining you in small ways - rolling their eyes in meetings, questioning your decisions, talking in the break room. You need to nip that early. Luna: So what's a concrete first step you'd recommend for that first week? Lucas: First week, I'd schedule a one-on-one with every single person on your team. Not to talk about performance, but to listen. Ask them what's working, what's not, what they'd like to see from you as their manager. That does two things: it shows you care, and it gives you critical information about the team dynamics. Luna: That's a great way to start building trust from day one. Lucas: And then in the first thirty days, you want to identify one quick win - a small, tangible improvement you can make that benefits the team. It could be streamlining a tedious process or getting them a tool they've been asking for. That builds early momentum and shows you're on their side. Luna: Is it a good idea to change things right away, or should you wait? Lucas: You should be careful. If you come in and immediately start rearranging everything, people will push back. But if you find one thing that's clearly broken and fix it, that's different. It signals that you're paying attention and you have the skills to make things better. Luna: Got it. So first week is about listening, first thirty days is about building momentum, and then what's the focus for the first ninety days? Lucas: By ninety days, you should have a clear sense of each person's strengths and a plan for how you're going to develop them. You should also have had a few tough conversations if needed - maybe about performance or behavior. And you should have communicated a vision for where the team is headed, even if it's just for the next quarter. Luna: That sounds like a lot to pack into three months. Lucas: It is, but you don't need to do it all at once. The key is to be intentional and not let the days slip by. I've seen new managers who wait too long to establish themselves, and then they end up playing catch-up for the rest of the year. Luna: You mentioned tough conversations - how do you handle giving feedback to a former peer, especially if they're not taking it well? Lucas: That's one of the hardest parts. You have to shift your mindset: you're no longer their friend, you're their manager, and your job is to help them improve. So you have to be direct and specific. Use examples, focus on the behavior, not the person, and make it clear that you're having this conversation because you want them to succeed. Luna: And if they push back or bring up the fact that you used to be peers? Lucas: You acknowledge it. Say, 'I know this is a new dynamic, and I understand it might feel weird. But my job is to make sure we're all doing our best work, and I need to be honest with you about where things stand.' Then you steer it back to the work. Luna: That seems fair. Lucas: Another thing that helps is being consistent. If you're clear about expectations and you apply them to everyone equally, your team will respect you more. If you're seen as playing favorites - especially with your old friends - that's a fast track to losing credibility. Luna: I can imagine that's a trap. You might unconsciously give your old buddy more leeway. Lucas: Exactly. You have to be extra careful about that. Some managers over-correct and become harsher with their former peers to prove they're not playing favorites. Neither extreme works. You just have to be consistent and transparent about your decisions. Luna: Let's talk about the relationship with your own boss during this period. How much check-in is too much? Lucas: You want to be proactive but not needy. I'd aim for a weekly check-in during the first ninety days, but use that time to discuss strategic topics, not just status updates. Show that you're thinking about the bigger picture. And don't be afraid to ask for feedback on your own performance as a manager. Luna: So you're essentially modeling the kind of behavior you want from your team. Lucas: Right. You're setting the standard for how feedback flows. If you show that you're open to input, your team will be more likely to come to you with issues before they become big problems. Luna: What if you make a mistake in those first ninety days? How do you recover? Lucas: You own it. Admit it, apologize, and then explain what you're going to do differently. That actually builds trust because it shows humility. Trying to hide a mistake or blame someone else is a sure way to lose the team's respect. Luna: That reminds me of a story I read about a new manager who accidentally deleted a shared drive during their first month. They came clean immediately and worked with IT to recover everything. The team actually appreciated their honesty. Lucas: Exactly. That's a perfect example. It's scary, but being transparent pays off in the long run. Luna: So if you had to sum up the first ninety days in one piece of advice, what would it be? Lucas: Be intentional about building trust from day one. That means listening more than you talk, setting clear expectations, and showing your team that you're invested in their success. If you do that, you'll be well on your way to being the kind of manager people want to work for. Luna: That's a solid takeaway. I think a lot of listeners are going to find that useful.