Latest / Girl in the Game / The Room

Transcript

The Room · Girl in the Game

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Are you building a career, growing a business, or searching for your next big opportunity?
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Then this podcast is for you.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: So here's the Girl in the Game herself, your host, Gail Dickey.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, I'm Gail Dickey and welcome back to Girl in the Game.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about the room.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know the room you walk into even when you don't think you belong.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: The conference room, the boardroom, the pitch meeting, the networking event, the investor meeting, the studio, the first day in a new company, the stage, the dinner where everybody seems more important than you, the Zoom call where everybody has a title longer than your resume.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And you walk in thinking, what am I doing here?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody else seems smarter, more experienced, more connected, more successful.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: They know something I don't.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And at any moment, somebody is going to look across the room and realize she doesn't belong here or he doesn't belong here.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to being human, because here's something I've learned after walking into a lot of rooms.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the people who look the most confident are asking themselves exactly the same question.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: They just learned how to walk in anyway.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're talking about today.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So here's some rules.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number one, you don't have to feel like you belong before you enter.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is where people get stuck.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: They think confidence comes first, then action.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it always works that way.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes action comes first, then confidence catches up.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: You take the meeting, you raise your hand, you accept the invitation.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: You apply for the job that's a little bigger than you think you're ready for.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: You walk through the door.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And somewhere along the way, you realize, wait a minute, I'm actually doing this.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is often evidence.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Evidence you build by surviving things you weren't sure you could do.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number two, know why you're in the room.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: This changes everything.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Before you walk in, ask yourself, why am I here?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: What do I know?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: What can I contribute?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: What question can I ask?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: What perspective do I have that might be different?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to know everything.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody does.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: But you should know your thing.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're the youngest person in the room and you understand the consumer everybody's trying to reach.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're new to gaming, but you understand television distribution.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're new to media, but you spent 10 years in technology.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're the only person at the table who understands a particular market, audience, culture, community, or customer.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Difference isn't automatically a disadvantage.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's exactly why you belong there.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number three: preparation beats posturing.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you're nervous, prepare.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Know who's in the room, know the company, the business, the numbers you need to know.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Understand the problem they're trying to solve.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And have three good questions ready.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And please know how to explain to who you are without giving somebody your entire life story.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Preparation gives you something to stand on.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to fake confidence when you've done your homework.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And people can tell the difference.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number four, don't apologize for taking up space.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is one I especially want younger women to hear because how many times have you heard, sorry, can I just say something?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, this may be a stupid question.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or sorry, I don't know if this makes sense.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why are we apologizing before we've even spoken?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Stop.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Ask the question.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Make the point.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to become aggressive.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to dominate the room.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to turn into somebody you're not.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: But you are allowed to have a voice.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And men too.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: This applies to you.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Don't shrink because you're intimidated.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Don't mumble your way through an idea you believe in.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Say it clearly.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Then stop talking.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to keep adding words to prove it was a good idea.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number five, you don't have to be the smartest person in the room.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I hope you're not.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: If you're always the smartest person in the room, you just may be in the wrong rooms.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be around people who know things I don't.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's how you grow.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: The trick is not pretending you know what you don't know.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: There's enormous power in saying, I don't know, explain that to me.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or that's not my area.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I do know.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen people lose credibility trying to fake expertise.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Don't.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Curiosity is much more impressive than pretending.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number six: learn the room before you try to run the room.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Every room has dynamics.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Who's actually making the decision?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: It may not be the person with the biggest title.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Who does everyone look at before answering?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Who talks?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Who listens?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Who interrupts?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Who's saying very little but clearly has influence?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: What does this group care about?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: What problem are they trying to solve?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Pay attention.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is part of seeing the game.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: The words being spoken are only one layer.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: There's always another conversation happening underneath the conversation.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Learn to see it.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number seven: don't confuse title with power.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: I've been around businesses and entertainment long enough to know that titles can be very misleading.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the person with the biggest title has the least useful information.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the person sitting quietly at the end of the table knows exactly how the organization works.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Respect everyone: the assistant, the coordinator, the engineer, the producer, the driver, the junior executive, the person checking you into the event.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: You have no idea who has influence.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: More importantly, you have no idea who they will become.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And again, if they never become anything more powerful than they are today, respect them anyway.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number eight: if you're different, use it.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: There have been plenty of rooms in my career where I was the only woman, or one of very few.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: There have been rooms where I was older than everyone, rooms where I knew television and everybody else knew tech, rooms where I knew gaming and other people didn't, rooms in other countries where I was the outsider.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can spend all your energy thinking I don't fit.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Or you can ask, what can I see from where I'm standing that they can't see from where they're standing?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's perspective.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And perspective has value.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't always to blend in.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the thing that makes you different is the most interesting thing you brought through the door.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Rule number nine: body language talks before you do.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Walk in, look up.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Make eye contact, say hello.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Don't bury yourself in the phone because you're nervous.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And don't stand against the wall waiting for someone to rescue you.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're on Zoom, oh, same rule, be present, look engaged.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Don't look like you're simultaneously answering 14 emails.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: How you enter a room tells people something.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: It tells you something too.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes changing your physical behavior changes the way you feel.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Walk in like you have a reason to be there because you do.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: And rule number 10, remember you were invited.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: This is so simple, but we forget it.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody invited you to the meeting, they thought you belonged there.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody hired you, they thought you could do the job.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody asked you to speak, they believe you had something worth hearing.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody introduced you, they put their reputation behind you.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Stop spending all your energy arguing with the invitation.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Accept it and now do something with it.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if you weren't invited, okay.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: So this is Girl in the Game.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about that too.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need to find a way into the room, not by barging through a locked door, but by creating enough value that somebody wants to open it.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: So build expertise, create something, write something, become excellent at something, make relationships, help people, speak up.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Ask for the introduction, volunteer for the project everybody else is avoiding.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Put yourself where interesting things are happening.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can't control every invitation, but you can become increasingly difficult to overlook.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that because it puts some of the control back in your hands.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the bigger idea: belonging isn't about being exactly like everyone else in the room.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: If everyone in the room had the same experience, the same age, background, ideas, what a boring room.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And probably not a very innovative one.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: The future is being built where different worlds collide: media and technology, gaming and entertainment, AI and creativity, business and culture, experience and youth, different countries, different perspectives, different ways of seeing the same problem.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: You may not belong in the room despite being different.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: You may belong there because you're different.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your girl in the game challenge.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to identify one room you've been avoiding.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's literal, a meeting, an event, conference, a conversation.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's figurative, a new industry, a leadership role, a bigger job, starting your own company, speaking publicly, putting your idea out into the world.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what exactly am I afraid they'll discover about me?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Then ask, what do I know?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: What have I lived?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or what can I contribute that deserves to be in that room?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then take one step toward the door.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Ask for the meeting, make the introduction, submit your name, apply, show up, raise your hand because nobody can hear the idea you never say.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody can hire the person who never applies.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody can build a relationship with the person who never says hello.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And nobody can discover what you bring to the game if you stay outside the room.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Gail Dickey.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is Girl in the Game.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Walk in, look up, listen, know your value, and don't spend your life waiting to feel completely ready.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you see the game differently, you play the game differently.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: So that's it for today's episode of Girl in the Game.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will be entered in the grand prize drawing to win a chance for a private VIP day with Gail Dicky herself.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure to head on over to GirlInTheGame.com to pick up a free copy of Gail's gift.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Submit your question for Ask Gail.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Then join us on the next episode.