Latest / Silver FM 100.6 / Feeling short on time? Do a time audit

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Feeling short on time? Do a time audit · Silver FM 100.6

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  Speaker 1: Fifty years ago, Congress set out to protect coal miners
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: from black lung disease. Today it's back at rates not
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  Speaker 1: seen in half a century.
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  Speaker 2: These guys are being treated like disposable widgets, not human beings.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: On the Sunday story, why coal miners and Appalacha are
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: getting sicker faster. Listen now to the Sunday story from
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: the Up First podcast on the NPR APP.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, the basic question here, I think is a
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  Speaker 3: lot of us are doing too much? How do we
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: do less? Is this something that comes up a lot
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  Speaker 3: with your clients.
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  Speaker 4: Yes, and it doesn't come up directly, but people come
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: in feeling anxious, stressed, depleted, And when I sit with
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  Speaker 4: them and talk to them about what their life looks like,
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  Speaker 4: it feels like they're on this hamster wheel. They never
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  Speaker 4: can catch up, and oftentimes the things that are most
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  Speaker 4: import important to them don't have much of a place
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  Speaker 4: in their day to day schedule.
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  Speaker 3: You're listening to Life Kit. I'm Mary el Sagara and
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: this is Nero Feliciano. She's a licensed clinical social worker
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  Speaker 3: and psychotherapist, and she says, Yeah, life has become all consuming.
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  Speaker 4: We don't get much cognitive rest anymore where we don't
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  Speaker 4: have to think about things.
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  Speaker 5: Part of that is the extent to which our life.
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  Speaker 4: Has become digital and people have access to us all
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  Speaker 4: the time. It's this constant access, constant communication, very little
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  Speaker 4: time for your brain to rest, which then you feel
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  Speaker 4: in your spirit unsettled. And that has become.
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  Speaker 5: A norm in our culture. Now.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would almost take it as a given that
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  Speaker 3: most people are doing too much right, like scrolling too much,
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  Speaker 3: shopping too much, driving their kids to too many extracurriculars,
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  Speaker 3: working too much. But let's say someone isn't sure, if
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  Speaker 3: they're like life is too much, how might they know?
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  Speaker 3: What are the signs?
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  Speaker 5: So? Do you feel engaged in your life?
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  Speaker 4: Are you tired? Are you depleted? Do you feel resentful?
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  Speaker 4: But the other thing is does your life feel meaningful?
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  Speaker 4: Does it feel fulfilled? Do you feel joy at different
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  Speaker 4: times in your life? Do you have a sense of
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  Speaker 4: peace in your life? And those things seem more elusive
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  Speaker 4: and are becoming harder to access for people, given the
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  Speaker 4: progression of where our culture has gone.
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  Speaker 3: Noroways thought about this problem a lot. It comes up
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  Speaker 3: with her clients, and she's also written a couple books
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  Speaker 3: on the topic, including this book won't make you happy.
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  Speaker 3: Eight keys to finding true contentment. On this episode of
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  Speaker 3: Life Kit, we talk about it specifically how you can
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  Speaker 3: start to account for your time, to figure out what
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  Speaker 3: you want to add to your life and what you
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  Speaker 3: want to cut out, and also how to compromise with
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  Speaker 3: the other people in your life, because too much is
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  Speaker 3: not necessarily the same for everyone. Your partner, for instance,
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  Speaker 3: might like being busier than you do, or your kid
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  Speaker 3: might want more downtime. And by the way, what you
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  Speaker 3: think is too much may have changed too.
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  Speaker 4: So let me just give you one example for me.
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  Speaker 4: For most of my life, especially being in school for
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  Speaker 4: quite a while, I would sleep four to six.
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  Speaker 5: Hours a night.
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  Speaker 3: Wow.
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  Speaker 4: And then I hit early perimenopause and my body no
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  Speaker 4: longer could function as a normal human being with four
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  Speaker 4: to six hours a night. So I had to decide
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  Speaker 4: to do less. I said, if I need to sleep
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  Speaker 4: seven to eight hours a night, I have to take
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  Speaker 4: on less.
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  Speaker 5: I need to do less.
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  Speaker 4: The other factor is I have four children, so more
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  Speaker 4: of my time is going to go towards parenting. You
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  Speaker 4: could have two children, but you have children with very
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  Speaker 4: different needs, children who need more time. So that person
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  Speaker 4: may say I'm going to do less because I need
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  Speaker 4: more time for these other aspects of my life. It's
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  Speaker 4: dependent on what brings you fulfillment. For some person, work
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  Speaker 4: maybe all in that's where they get all they're filment,
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  Speaker 4: so they want to do more in that area. But
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  Speaker 4: for others, work may be depleting, so for their mental
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  Speaker 4: health and their physical health, they're going to have to
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  Speaker 4: scale back where someone else may not.
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  Speaker 3: For folks who do feel like they're doing too much
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  Speaker 3: in their lives or just like they're not doing the
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  Speaker 3: right things, how can they start to account for their
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  Speaker 3: time and how they're spending it.
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  Speaker 4: So there was a point in my life in practice
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  Speaker 4: where I was doing a lot. It was when my
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  Speaker 4: career started shifting towards more media and writing and speaking.
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  Speaker 4: And I remember sitting in my office and I had
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  Speaker 4: done eight sessions and several of them were with adolescents,
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  Speaker 4: And at the end of the day, I sat there
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  Speaker 4: and I said, when was the last time I've spent
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  Speaker 4: forty five minutes listening to one of my kids?
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  Speaker 5: And Mary All, I could not remember the last time.
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  Speaker 4: And that day I did something that I often encouraged
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  Speaker 4: my clients to. I made a list of the aspects
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  Speaker 4: of my life and the people of my life that
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  Speaker 4: were the most important to me. And I added to
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  Speaker 4: that list the things that brought me joy. And then
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  Speaker 4: I made another list, and I did a time inventory
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  Speaker 4: where's my time going day to day? And what I
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  Speaker 4: saw was that they were very much misaligned. I did
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  Speaker 4: not see enough of a reflection of those things that
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  Speaker 4: were most important to me and those things that brought
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  Speaker 4: me joy and contentment in my day.
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  Speaker 5: To day schedule.
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  Speaker 4: So that is an exercise I take many clients through
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  Speaker 4: to just do a life audit, a time audit. And
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  Speaker 4: it's not that we're going to see parallel lines between Okay,
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  Speaker 4: my family is the most important to me and they're
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  Speaker 4: taking up the most time in my schedule, but like
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  Speaker 4: I said, we should see a reflection of it. Where
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  Speaker 4: do I have time where I can be with my
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  Speaker 4: family and make time for my family.
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  Speaker 5: Or I love to read books? Where am I making
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  Speaker 5: time for that in my daily life?
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  Speaker 4: And what I found was when I reevaluated, when I realigned,
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  Speaker 4: it doesn't take much to be able to begin to
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  Speaker 4: feel it in your body. It doesn't have to be
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  Speaker 4: a complete overhaul, but we begin to feel it. They
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  Speaker 4: say when your schedule begins to align with your values
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  Speaker 4: is when we begin to feel that inner piece.
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  Speaker 3: Take away one make a list of the people and
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  Speaker 3: the activities that are the most important to you and
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  Speaker 3: that bring you the most joy, and then to a
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  Speaker 3: time inventory. What are you actually spending your time on
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  Speaker 3: day to day and are the lists matching up? When
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  Speaker 3: Nero did this, she found that she was spending a
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  Speaker 3: lot of unnecessary time on social media and scrolling, but
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  Speaker 3: those things were not on her most important list. After
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  Speaker 3: the break, how to cut back? A lot of this
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  Speaker 3: comes down to boundaries with yourself and with other people.
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  Speaker 4: What I always say is the only people who will
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: push back on your healthy boundaries are the people who
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: benefited from you not having them.
• 7:08
  Speaker 6: Attention a PSA from Shortwave NPR Science podcast, You need
• 7:12
  Speaker 6: to be paid more attention to your poop.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: I really do think that this deep stigma we have
• 7:18
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• 7:21
  Speaker 3: collorrectal cancer cases.
• 7:23
  Speaker 6: What to watch out for and how did decode the
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• 7:32
  Speaker 2: How will a historically unpopular president navigate a midterm election
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: season that may leave him with a lot less power.
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  Speaker 2: Stay caught up on the latest news with Trump's Terms,
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  Speaker 7: French fries, tater times, Columbian Ahaka. Potatoes are beloved everywhere,
• 8:02
  Speaker 7: and yet.
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: They're always kind of denigrated.
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: There's a long history of racializing potatoes.
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  Speaker 7: How the potato became an insult around the world. Listen
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• 8:19
  Speaker 3: I wonder, once you do this audit, if you start
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  Speaker 3: by saying here's what I'm going to cut out, or
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  Speaker 3: if you start by saying here's what I'm going to add.
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  Speaker 4: Well, if you can add without cutting out, great fantastic.
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  Speaker 4: But for most people, time is the issue, right, so
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  Speaker 4: in order to add, you may have to cut out.
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  Speaker 4: It's interesting when I wrote the chapter in my book
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  Speaker 4: about living in this way with priority and intention, the
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  Speaker 4: conversation that followed the time out, it was one of boundaries.
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  Speaker 4: So in order to make more time, where do we
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  Speaker 4: need to set some boundaries? Because that's what I find
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  Speaker 4: with people too who are doing too much. There can
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  Speaker 4: often be an element of what are you doing that
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  Speaker 4: makes you feel resentful, depleted, exhausted, and oftentimes there is
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  Speaker 4: a boundary that needs to be set in those places.
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  Speaker 3: How do you communicate about that? Because it's not like
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  Speaker 3: the things we do are just involve us, Right if
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  Speaker 3: I stop doing something that affects my family or my friends,
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  Speaker 3: or my job or whatever else.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, when you communicate to someone that I am recognizing
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  Speaker 4: I'm really exhausted and it's affecting my physical health, it's
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  Speaker 4: affecting my mental health, and I need to cut back
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  Speaker 4: in these ways, that in essence is setting a healthy boundary.
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  Speaker 4: And what I always say is the only people who
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  Speaker 4: will push back on your healthy boundaries are the people
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  Speaker 4: who benefited from you not having them, and those who
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  Speaker 4: are pro your physical mental health will be on board
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  Speaker 4: at a certain point. I often have this conversation with mothers,
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  Speaker 4: parents because they are doing so much for their children,
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  Speaker 4: and this is the parenting generation that we're in. Sometimes
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  Speaker 4: they may be doing too much for their partner. They
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  Speaker 4: can enlist their partner's help in doing some of these things.
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  Speaker 4: They can enlist their children's help in doing some of
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  Speaker 4: these things.
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  Speaker 5: And that's actually good for everyone on board.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, when you are in a family unit or a
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  Speaker 3: group of some kind, you may end up having to
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  Speaker 3: do things with your time that you don't really want
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  Speaker 3: to because the other person does. Right, of course, how
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  Speaker 3: can we figure out when to compromise and when we
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  Speaker 3: should be selfish?
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  Speaker 4: This is a great question, and I will tell you,
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  Speaker 4: especially after being married for twenty three years I'm still married,
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  Speaker 4: I tend to lean towards sacrifice over compromise because oftentimes
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  Speaker 4: when we compromise, no one's happy at the end of it,
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  Speaker 4: where we're meeting somewhere in the middle and no one
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  Speaker 4: fully gets what they want. And I know this is
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  Speaker 4: not a black and white conversation. Obviously there's situations where
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  Speaker 4: that works. But I tend to see it as you know,
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  Speaker 4: I'm going to make this sacrifice and do what you
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  Speaker 4: want to do in this moment, and I know you're
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  Speaker 4: going to do that for me, and I'm going to.
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  Speaker 5: Ask that of you.
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  Speaker 4: Now, if you are constantly the one that's sacrificing, you
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  Speaker 4: have to make changes. You have to advocate for your
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  Speaker 4: own needs. You have to express your own needs. And
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  Speaker 4: you know, my husband is more of a people pleaser
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  Speaker 4: than me. I've learned to set boundaries and he just
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  Speaker 4: is a doer. He does does and does so for him,
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  Speaker 4: he will sacrifice to the point again where he gets
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  Speaker 4: resentful and depleted, but has never told me what his
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  Speaker 4: needs are, right, right, So I think it's really important
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  Speaker 4: that we learn to voice our needs to our partners
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  Speaker 4: and figure out, Okay, how can we work this out
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  Speaker 4: so that I have time to do these things that
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  Speaker 4: are meaningful to me.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, that is so smart, the idea of sacrifice over overcompromise,
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  Speaker 3: and I think that that can create goodwill in your
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  Speaker 3: relationships so that the other person wants to sacrifice for
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  Speaker 3: you as well.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: It's really powerful, you know, and especially if you are
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  Speaker 4: sacrificing not begrudgingly or resentfully, but rather with the spirit
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  Speaker 4: that I know this is important to you and I
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  Speaker 4: want you to experience joy and I know this is
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  Speaker 4: going to make your life easier, so I'm on.
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  Speaker 5: Board with it. Then you are more likely to get
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  Speaker 5: that back.
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  Speaker 4: And sometimes we actually have to communicate that out loud,
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  Speaker 4: because if it's a sacrifice for us. That person may
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  Speaker 4: not realize it.
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  Speaker 8: Take away too.
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  Speaker 3: Start to cut back on the time wasters, the things
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  Speaker 3: you do that are not actually a priority for you,
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  Speaker 3: or that take time away from what's important. You might
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: need to set boundaries for yourself. For me, that means
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: blocking some apps on my phone and keeping my phone
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: outside of my bedroom. Also being mindful when I'm considering
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: an invitation, asking myself, is this how I want to
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: spend those few hours or that day? Would that align
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: with what's most important to me. You may also have
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: to communicate with other people. Hey, I'm taking a break
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: from X or Y, or I'm no longer doing this activity.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: Of course, our relationships are important, and in a relationship,
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: you and the other person might have different priorities In
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: these situations. Nero is a proponent of sacrifice over compromise,
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: which works better If both people have that perspective, we'll
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: have more life kit after the break.
• 13:48
  Speaker 8: This week on sources and methods, is Aron trying to
• 13:52
  Speaker 8: hack us water systems?
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: What is it that you can do to potentially quote
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: unquote scare the American people?
• 14:00
  Speaker 5: Well water is one of those things. It's a necessity
• 14:02
  Speaker 5: of light.
• 14:03
  Speaker 8: We Unpacked the week's biggest national security news on sources
• 14:07
  Speaker 8: and methods. Listen on the NPR app or wherever you
• 14:10
  Speaker 8: get podcasts.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: So you've done a time audit, let's say, and you're
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  Speaker 3: thinking about what you want to trim back on what
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: you want to do more of. After you cut something out,
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  Speaker 3: I wonder how do you actually exist in the open
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  Speaker 3: space that creates The impulse might be to immediately fill
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  Speaker 3: it with something else, right, or you might feel guilty
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: because you stop doing whatever it was, stop playing soccer.
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  Speaker 4: Say you cut something out now, you may actually feel
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: like you have time to do the things that are
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: on your plate. So for those people, they may not
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  Speaker 4: necessarily miss it. They may feel more in control of
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  Speaker 4: their life, they may feel less depleted. But say you're
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  Speaker 4: taking something out one, be purposeful about how you're using
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: that time. Is there something that you love to do
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: that brings you peace or joy that you haven't done
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: in a long time, or something that you do that
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: maybe you want to do more of in that time.
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  Speaker 4: If we think about those things prior to getting to
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  Speaker 4: that moment, well know how to fill it. Is there
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  Speaker 4: a person who you really want to connect with or
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: talk with that you haven't seen in a while that
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: you'd like to take a walk with reach out to
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  Speaker 4: that person. Do you have a few minutes where you
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: can just be still and rest your body? Even doing
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: nothing is okay?
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  Speaker 3: Mm hmm. Yeah. I think a lot of us struggle
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: to feel comfortable with that idea of doing nothing or
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: being bored.
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  Speaker 4: That piece of not being able to be bored and
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: constantly seeking the dopamine that screens give us has affected
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: all areas of our life. I would say, if you
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: know I can't be bored, we have to start with
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: that issue right and recognize that there's something going on
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  Speaker 4: in our brain, in our neurow chemistry that is preventing
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: us from being able to just be.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: I think it's this perfect storm for me where it's
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: the technology, and then it's also this feeling of that
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: productivity is the ultimate virtue, and then there's this existential
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: fear of dying and not having It's not even not
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: having accomplished enough. It's like not having enjoyed or appreciated
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: or made the most of my life. It's funny because
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: if I really want to focus on enjoying and appreciating
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: and making the most of my life, then I would
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: put the phone down and just enjoy, and I would
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: worry less about being productive and more about savoring. But
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  Speaker 3: sometimes those things become a stand in for making the
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: most of your life. You're like, this is how I'm
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: going to make the most of my life. I'm going
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: to do all the things.
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  Speaker 4: That's exactly it, and in the process you feel like
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: you're fulfilling some sort of purpose by being productive. You know,
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: it's interesting because in that first book I wrote, I
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: talk about how our value is so steeped in acquisition
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: and accomplishment. We have to do more and be more
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: and have more in order to feel worthy. But we
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: have to look at what cost? At what cost right?
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: How do we feel truly at the end of it.
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: Take Away three, Learn to exist in the open space
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: you've created, don't immediately rush in to fill it. Get
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: comfortable with being bored sometimes. And also look back to
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: that list you made of what's most important to you
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: so you can be purposeful about how you use this
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: newly freed up time. Neurosa has this impulse to do
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: more and more, to be busier and busier. It can
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: leave you an endless pursuit.
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  Speaker 5: And it tends to be something.
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  Speaker 4: When your value and identity lie in acquisition and accomplishment,
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: you will constantly be searching for it. You will constantly
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: be pursuing it. And when you get to a certain level,
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: when you hit the goal, the goalpost then moves. So
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: it is a cycle that unless you choose to get
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: off it, then you're going to constantly be chasing.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, like the spinning wheel on your computer, always buffering.
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  Speaker 5: Yes. Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: And if you talk to people who are in that cycle,
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: they feel that way. What's the next thing I have
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: to do? What's the next thing I need to feel fulfilled?
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: They are looking for it constantly. So these are the
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: types of conversations we have when someone is feeling like
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: they're doing too much and maybe not really feeling fulfilled.
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: At the end of it. And also, what's going to
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: happen if you don't change? What's your life going to look.
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: Like a year from now, five years from now? Is
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: that worth not making the change?
• 19:09
  Speaker 8: Nara, thank you so much for this.
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: Oh my pleasure. It's always good to talk with you.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: All right, y'all, Time for a recap take away one.
• 19:20
  Speaker 5: Make a list of.
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: The people and activities that are the most important to
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: you and that bring you the most joy. And then
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: to a time inventory. What are you actually spending your
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: time on day to day and do the lists match?
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: Take Away two Start cutting back on the time wasters.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: You might need to set boundaries with yourself or to
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: communicate with other people as you do this, And when
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: you're deciding on your priorities versus the ones of your
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: partner or someone else you're close to, consider sacrifice overcompromise
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: as long as they're reciprocating that at other times.
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: Take Away three, Learn.
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: To exist in the open space you've created, don't immediately
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: rush to fill it. Also, look back to that list
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: you made, so what's most important so you can be
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: purposeful about how you use your time going forward. All Right,
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: before we go, I was wondering, would you rate and
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: review Life Kit in your podcast app? Tell us a
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: favorite tip or what kinds of episodes you like the best.
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: We love hearing from you.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: This episode of Life Kit was produced by Margaret Serino.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: Our digital editor is Malica garib and our visuals editor
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: is c. J.
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: Riklon.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: Megan Kane is our senior supervising editor, and Lauren Gonzalez
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: is our executive producer Our production team also includes Andy
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: Tagle Claire, Maurie Schneider, Kayla Lattimore, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: support comes from Quacy Lee. I'm Mariel Segara. Thanks for listening.
• 20:57
  Speaker 9: Okay, so you're driving to work, you're on a walk,
• 21:00
  Speaker 9: or you're at the gym or whatever, and you just
• 21:03
  Speaker 9: need to clear your head. That's the perfect time to
• 21:06
  Speaker 9: hit the play button on NPR's All Songs Considered. It's
• 21:09
  Speaker 9: not the news, it's not work or whatever else is
• 21:12
  Speaker 9: weighing you down. It's just a good time with good
• 21:15
  Speaker 9: friends and great tunes. Listen to All Songs Considered every
• 21:18
  Speaker 9: Tuesday in the NPR Music Podcast.
• 21:21
  Speaker 6: From the light Bulb to the Internet, human history has
• 21:25
  Speaker 6: been driven by innovation, and Shortwave is exploring how the
• 21:28
  Speaker 6: technology of tomorrow will transform our future. Would you write
• 21:33
  Speaker 6: in a flying taxi? Will Ai models fight wars? Hear
• 21:37
  Speaker 6: about the technological frontier Every Monday on Techcamp, the new
• 21:41
  Speaker 6: series from Shortwave. Listen on the mpre app or wherever
• 21:44
  Speaker 6: you get your podcasts.
• 21:45
  Speaker 10: Big news stories don't always break on your schedule, but
• 21:49
  Speaker 10: with the NPR app, news culture and podcasts already when
• 21:53
  Speaker 10: you want them in your pocket, download the MPR app today.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: I just