Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What happens when you are the one that pursues the narcissist?

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What happens when you are the one that pursues the narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on? Beautiful people work with
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  another episode of the narcissist code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist Mr. Lee Hammock
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is the first time I see my
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  face and hear my lovely voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise
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  awareness for NPD, get more people into therapy and also
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  validate the victims, survivors and thrivers of said disorder,
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  said toxic people said toxic traits.
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  Today's episode is going to be about what happens if you pursue
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  the narcissist, if you are the one who goes after the
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  narcissist first or after they break up, if you're the one who
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  reaches out to them first. Before we hop into today's
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  episode of Y'all, I have to shout out the Self Love brand.
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  I am wearing the I'm Capable shirt today.
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  I love Me Self Love Brand. I'm Capable.
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  What are you capable of? You mean ladies of the
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  description of every single video and podcast that I do?
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  But yeah y'all. So what happens if you are the
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  Pursuer? If you are the one who goes
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  after the narcissistic person, if you are the one who goes
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  after the toxic person or whatever you know, so everybody
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  knows. Well, most people know if you
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  dealt with a narcissistic person, you know the the cycle
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  of the cycle of a narcissistic, toxic, abusive relationship,
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  right? Love bombing, the love bombing
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  phase, where the narcissistic person gives you everything that
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  you want, need, pretends to be that person of your dreams and
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  whatnot, but ends up being the person that you that you have
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  nightmares about. That's how it goes.
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  Like not everybody gets love bomb.
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  So if you at the beginning of a relationship, if you pursue the
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  narcissist, the love bombing a lot of times or the the
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  initiation phase or the idealization is on you, you have
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  to you got a love bomb. You coming out to me?
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  I'm going to put in the effort and I might love bombing you
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  back. I might reciprocate.
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  But it's on you. If you pursue the narcissistic
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  person, a lot of it ends up a lot of the stuff, A lot of the a
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  lot of the emotional investment comes to you first.
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  Even though that narcissistic person might also be interested
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  in you, they let you pursue them.
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  So because if you pursue me first, not only do I not have to
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  love bomb, I have to put in effort.
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  I don't have to love bomb you. But guess what?
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  I know I can get away with certain things.
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  I know because you want me and that you are attracted to me.
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  Then there's a level of things that I can get away with now.
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  You know what I mean? So you you see, Is that what I'm
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  saying? Because you are attracted to me,
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  I already know that you want me. So all in my head, in my mind, I
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  already know that there's probably certain things that
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  you're going to forgive me for because you're physically,
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  emotionally or mentally attracted to me.
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  You approach me. I know you approach me so the
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  rejection is so the thought of me being rejected is a lot
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  lower. Can I still be rejected?
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  Yes. If I if you approach me because
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  you're physically attracted to me and then I I'm just stupid to
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  say that I'm dumb and just, you know, damn Mary, you know I'm
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  just, I'm literally just dumb and I'm not funny.
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  I'm not I'm. I'm uninterested.
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  I'm just good to look at then yeah, you might leave me alone.
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  But I said it's hard for you to leave me alone, basically
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  because you had, you were attracted to me.
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  So if you are attracted to that narcissistic person, you might
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  be in for a wild ride because if you're the first one to reach
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  out to them but you like okay, I'm going to pursue you.
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  You're I'm not saying you're I'm not saying you're done or you're
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  cooked. But you're you're you're not
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  done. You're not cooked, but you're
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  you are. You're you're battered and you
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  you're you, you are oiled up and and floured up and you're ready
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  to go into the oven. You're not fully cooked, but you
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  damn near ready to go into the oven.
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  You see what I'm saying? Because that narcissistic person
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  talks to person that you're dealing with.
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  Y'all they are like they know they can get away with certain
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  things. Because I know you like me and I
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  can use that against you. I can tell I would tell you if I
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  if you catch me up on something. I thought you liked me.
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  I thought you cared about me. I thought you.
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  I thought you came out to me. You pursued me.
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  Did you not know what you were getting yourself into?
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  This is kind of weird, you know what I mean?
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  Because if you are like if you like me, if you're attracted to
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  me, then you were more willing to let things go because you
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  want me. You see what I'm saying?
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  It doesn't work all. It doesn't work this way all the
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  time. But a lot of times in my mind,
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  this is how it goes. You know what I mean?
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  I know you like me. You showed me I don't have to
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  put the work in to get you because I I still put work in,
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  but I don't have to work as hard.
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  Yeah, and sometimes if you love bombing, if you reach out to.
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  I don't say you love bombing artists.
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  If you look, if you reach out to an artist 1st and you contact
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  them first, yeah, they can still love bomb me.
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  The love bombing face can still go on.
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  But I also know that I can get away with certain things because
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  you like me. So I'm not telling y'all to
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  pursue someone. I'm just saying, if you pursue
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  them and they mess up and they start throwing up red flags and
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  they turn around and love bomb you or something like that, just
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  be very wary. Keep your head.
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  Like, keep your head on the swivel, like check both ways,
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  check both ways, look both ways before you cross the road of
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  toxicity, before you cross this street of toxicity.
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  Because you might get hit by a narcissistic vehicle, a toxic
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  ass, a toxic ass bus, a narcissistic train.
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  You know what I mean? Something might happen.
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  You may a motorized manipulator might take you off the streets.
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  Like look both ways, Watch your head, watch yourself.
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  Y'all you have to in these situations.
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  You have to If you don't, you only take advantage of this
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  point blank. This point blank, period.
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  You only take advantage of in these types of relationships.
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  The more at the more you reach out to a narcissist and the more
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  you are willing to let things go because you approach them.
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  Sometimes the more red flags you miss, so I'm not telling you to
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  pursue but not to pursue people. I'm just telling you to not
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  ignore the red flags when and if they do pop up because you might
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  be more apt to ignore a red flag because you're attracted to this
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  person. When I say this all the time,
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  when your physical attraction overrides your intuition, you
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  lose. You lose when you start ignore a
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  red flag because somebody is cute, so they they they they
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  hot, they got a nice set of cheeks on them or they, you
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  know, they tall, dark and handsome.
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  Whatever you whatever you're attracted to, if you start
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  ignoring red flags. Oh, they tall, dark and
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  handsome. But they married and they beat
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  their spouse. What?
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  But I like them, though. What?
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  They don't beat me. What?
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  Come on now. Y'all.
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  But there's. But there's also a very special
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  piece of nuance in this situation as well that applies
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  to that. If y'all break up, if you're in
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  a relationship with a narcissistic person and you
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  reach out to them first, you y'all break up.
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  Whoever breaks up who you contact me first, you lose.
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  It's just like slate clean. So at the beginning of the
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  relationship, you might miss more red flags because you're
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  attracted to this person. You like this person, You're
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  pursuing this person, right? But in the relationship of y'all
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  break up and you reach out to me first, y'all have an argument,
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  you reach out. It doesn't even have to be a
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  breakup. It can be like an argument or
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  disagreement. But if you reach out to them
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  first, you pursue them after the disagreement, you pursue them
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  after the argument. I know you might just be leave
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  this what adults do, they pursue and they handle situations the
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  way a narcissistic person's mind work is not like that though.
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  Y'all. You pursue me.
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  You are forgiving me. Your pursuit is forgiveness.
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  Your pursuit, your pursuit of me will be taken as your
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  forgiveness of me. You pursue me, you forgive me.
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  That's how the mind of a narcissistic person works.
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  If you are pursuing me, you are forgiving me.
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  This is simple as that. And people are like, no, that's
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  not what they mean. Yeah, I'm telling you how the
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  mind of a narcissistic person works.
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  You don't want to listen to me. You don't want to believe me.
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  I don't know what to tell you. I'm telling you pursue them.
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  You reach out to them. You make no you break.
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  No contact. You start.
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  You stop ignoring them and start, Like I said, you respond
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  to them. You send a message to them, you
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  call them. You show up at their job in the
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  mind of that person. You are okay with all the
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  previous behaviors. Believe we're not okay with the
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  behavior. You just want to work it out.
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  You are okay with all the previous behaviors.
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  That's the mind of a narcissistic person.
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  Y'all that is. It absolutely is.
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  It's the mind that the mind of how our toxin manipulator works.
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  If you reach out to me, you must want me.
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  You must be okay with how I've treated you previously, are you
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  not? No.
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  Why you reach out to me then? I don't know.
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  Because we look why you reach out to me, then you.
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  If you reach out to them, you can't bring up the past.
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  Believe they bring up the past all the time.
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  Yes, Yes. Yes, they will.
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  The double standards exist in these relationships.
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  Y'all, they just do double standards.
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  Absolutely. With no equivocation exists in
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  types of relationship dynamics. With narcissistic people, that's
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  just point blank, period. That's just how it go.
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  Believe it's not fair. Yeah, I know it's not fair.
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  That's what I'm telling you with this.
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  It's not a question of fairness. It's a question of what's going
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  to happen if you reach out to them, if you pursue them.
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  I'm just telling you the mind works differently.
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  They're going to take that as forgiveness.
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  Your pursuit is your forgiveness.
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  You reaching out to me is you saying that you you forgive me,
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  believe me, don't forgive. Y'all you reaching out to me is
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  saying you forgive me. I just don't know.
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  Yeah, I don't know what to tell you.
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  I'm telling you straight up. That's how the mind of a
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  narcissist works. Once you reach out to me, you
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  are forgiving me. It just go.
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  That's the way it goes. Y'all I'm just telling you when
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  I tell you not to reach out, I'm just telling you the way the
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  mind of a narcissist works, Once you break that barrier, once you
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  break the seal, you broke the seal you are responsible for.
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  You see what I'm saying? It's like you once you break the
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  when you break the window. You broke the window, didn't
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  you? I didn't break the window.
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  So you were taking responsibility for it.
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  Just be wary on who you reach out to and why you're reaching
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  out to this person. Y'all because, like I tell you,
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  they take narcissistic people take it personally.
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  They just like okay. They're going to take the way,
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  like narcissistic people are going to formulate that.
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  They're going to formulate the thoughts in their mind that
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  serve them the most. So if you pursue them first,
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  just be worried. No matter what stage of the
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  relationship you're in, no matter where you are in this
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  relationship space, you pursue them.
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  They think it's okay. They think whatever they've done
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  to you, whatever they put you through, they think it's okay.
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  I'm not look, I'm just the. I'm just the messenger.
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  Don't shoot the messenger. I'm capable.
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  That's how it goes. Y'all.
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  I'm not telling you to not go after people that you're
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  attracted to. That's not, that's not what I'm
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  saying. I'm just saying be very weary
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  and don't ignore the red flags because you're attracted to
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  somebody. Don't know the red flags because
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  you won't be. Don't ignore the red flags
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  because you want to reach out to somebody that you thought you
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  were, that you were in a relationship with, that you that
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  you current about. Don't ignore those.
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  Y'all those can protect you. Those can save your life.
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  Anyways, y'all thank y'all for tuning into the another episode.
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  Because as much as y'all say y'all learn from me, I learn
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