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Reflective Storytelling with Tony Slaton: From Football Fields to Life Lessons · The Brain’s Body Podcast: The Brain Is the Body

• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Well, hello, I'm Dr Christopher Kevin Slayton and I'm here dealing with human systems science.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Human systems science, mr Tony Slayton, who has met with me this morning because he's talking about his experiences from understanding his brain, body and sense systems in relation to how he's living and making life changes.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: And so, mr Tony Slayton, tell us who you are, a little bit about what we're going to be discussing today.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Thank you, dr Slayton.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: First I want to thank you for this opportunity to do this.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: It's really special and it's at a really special time in my life, if you would, a pivot.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: But as to who I am, I'm always reminded, I'm always taken back to my parents, jack Slayton Jr and Jesse May Nelson Slayton, my mother.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: I'm going to jump forward a little bit and then I'll come back, but today is Tuesday and on Friday I'm going to have a hip replacement surgery, and so a lot of things have been on my mind and I wanted to take this opportunity maybe to just share some thoughts.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: And so, again, as it relates to who I am, it all starts with my parents, and I've really been reflecting back on how they invested in me, how they nurtured me, and I'll speak to them individually.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: I'll start with my father, just the most gracious man, the most loving and kind man, and how he handled me as a child again, or as a kid.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: I reflect back on many incidents, but one in particular, and we were we.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: I was with him and he was building a barbecue pit and a lot of folks were standing around my brothers, cousins and whatnot and it started early in the day, but it was a long project and as we moved into the afternoon and evening, he looked over at me and I must've been maybe six or seven years old and he said you got a lot of glue in your shit and I've read men, I have remembered that for for 60 years and what he was saying to me in his way was he was commenting on my stick to it in this, or my competitiveness or even my ability to complete a task, and those are the kind of ways that that is an example of one of the ways that my father spoke to me that, using your language, talk to my brain.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: He was sending me a message to my brain that there's something in you that makes you special to be able to stay on task and complete a task and get something done, and that has always stayed with me.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: So, briefly, that's just the introduction of my father and many, many more examples of those kinds of things.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: He would talk to again what you say talk to your brain.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: He would speak kind of in parables, if you will, or riddles, and so there was a message in there to figure out, and me and my sister talk about that today.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: We do a lot of reflecting on growing up and whatnot.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: And our parents my mother, jessie Mae, nelson, slayton did the same thing in a different way.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: And you know when you can be resistant to it or not like it, or it even kind of irk you in a way.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: But my mother would say to me all you got to do things that she would have me do or wanted me to do or needed to be done.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Let's start with all you got to do.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Back then I was resistant to that, but that is so powerful because in today and understanding that all you got to do is take the first step, all you got to do is take the first bite.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: All you got to do is make the first move and things will line up.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: And I don't know if she knew that.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: No, she did know that as a science or whatever, did know that as a science or whatever.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: It was just in her.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: So I think of my parents, both as geniuses and quite a bit before their times.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: My mother was a very astute businesswoman.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: She studied nursing, so she worked in hospitals, but mostly she cared for her family.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: So that's a lot of who I am and what's in me.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: So you're kind of going into that reflective storytelling mode and I want you to keep going, because when we're talking about moving through the crisis itself, that's when you know that there's things in your sense of received path that are disorganized because of the experience of how you've been trained to respond environmentally.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: And so I'm listening to you processing the fact that you're going to have an operation and you're doing some cocktail processing that involves things that you've been trained to do that are in front of you that you haven't discussed yet.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: So keep going, get into the actual sense of feel that you're moving through in the experience of this meeting.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: So another thing in preparation, and you and I send in messages back and forth.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: You use the word courage.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: There have been times in my life when I was courageous and there have been times when I was not, and I really wish that I could fully embrace what you said about courage.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: About courage, but again by the standards laid out by my two primary, mother and father.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: It's wavered at times and people may not know that externally, but I know that internally.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: And so did I have the courage in this situation or that situation, or did I have to negotiate or navigate it or those kinds of things.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: And so there are.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: You hear people say I have no regrets.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: I'm able to view life circumstances as events and and learning opportunities.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: The regrets I don't know.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: If they're regrets, I don't know what to call them.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know if they're regrets, I don't know what to call them.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: The things that I have are hurt, hurt that I may have caused myself, or hurt that I have caused other people as I was learning that lesson.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: You know, those are things that you can't undo.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: So, moving forward from the, from those times and even to today, how you move through or how do you make atonement for or forgive yourself or even seek forgiveness.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: You know those sorts of things and there are many of them.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: I was again in preparation and thinking about this.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: I say how do you tell your story, my story, without outing people?
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Because I have not asked permission to make document other people and their, their self, other people and interactions.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: But I'll just say that and there's a little bit of vagueness to it, but I think people would understand that I've had opportunities to be more courageous and so in circumstances and events I have been courageous, and in others I have been less than courageous, but even learning from that.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: So you're talking about character and so we talk about courage.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: You're talking about character and the bending point, the flexible point, is the fact that when you look back and you know that, you feel uncomfortable looking back because you're saying I should have done that and done that.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: But you did what you were supposed to do.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: You evaluated, you assessed and you acknowledged the decision and the impact of that decision and you had to make a choice.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: That's what character is about not being afraid to make the choice, even though it may be wrong at that point in time, but in the best interest of self and others, so you can move forward.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: It's when you don't want to look back that it becomes a difficulty in the crisis of self, because you then begin to resist interaction with other people, because you have that harboring feeling or sentiment that, wow, you didn't turn that corner, you didn't evolve.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Now you're stuck in a static state, the mind state.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying when I say to you process that training so that you can move to the other side and own it.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Owning it means you're processing the training Now, you're raising the lead of it.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Now you're able to create that next level of consciousness that allows you to feel good about the experience of negative positive energy flow, because you know you're moving through it, the crisis of self.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: And now you are overwhelmed with the acceptance of responsibility.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: So if you're a co-vote, you're okay with it.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Do you agree with it?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: No, but you accept it because you had a role and you said you went this way instead of that way.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: But you realize the value of making those choices and decisions.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm hearing.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Football and football career and what was it like?
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: Um, and there's so much football in my in my history, from peewee football to high school to college and even professionally.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: The clearest link that I can make to again the decision to have surgery was in 1990.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: I was playing for the Dallas Cowboys and my hip had started hurting before the season I mean before the season and it was a different kind of pain.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: They had brought me in as a free agent on a team that didn't do very good the year before, and so there was a lot of, they were under a lot of pressure and I, you know everybody was under pressure, but my hip had started hurting and they were telling me you have a pulled groin.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: And I knew I didn't, and so that's kind of where I can trace the hip pain back to.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I've had other bumps and bruises and hurts and aches and whatnot, but my hip has actually been hurting since 1990.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: I think again, in reflection, consequential to the hip hurting, that same year I had a ruptured disc in my back, and so hip hurt, ruptured disc in the back, I was released and I came back home, and so the cycle that I'm experiencing right now today is not a whole lot different than a cycle that I experienced in 1990.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: I shared with you as I navigate daily.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I was walking down some steps and in 2020-25, I'm walking down some steps and I stepped down hard and it was related to my hip.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: I stepped down some stairs hard and hurt my back.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: So right now today I'm wearing a back brace, and so that was just confirmation.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: But then, tony, you got to do something different.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: You know you don't want to relive this.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: You've lived this cycle a few different times in your life.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: I'm kind of rambling there, but there's some levels to what you're saying.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: So when you're talking about the NFL and training, you see you're dealing with your sense of, because your sense of is influenced by the environmental responsibility that you feel beholden to in the program sense of training your body to play football.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: And then, on the other hand, you're talking about your inner sense of feel, that part of you that knows I'm hurt, and it's not just that.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: But you have to ignore that reality and keep plugging away for the program, the best interest of the program or the best interest of yourself and your capacity to think through that experience.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: You have to postpone all that.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm talking about, the crisis itself, because you have ignored your inner brain work, your neurophysical information processing, your brain talk.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: You listen to the inner voice.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: The inner voice is the coaches and all those people saying it's just a regular injury, and your brain saying that your self-talk is in there, going back and forth without you explaining what was going on inside of you.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: And the brain talk was not released because you felt glued to the program and you wanted to participate as long as you possibly could.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: So I'm saying to you what you're talking to me right now is going through the experience of processing that and realizing where you are right now.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: That's what you're talking to us about.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: I believe I knew within myself that I shouldn't be playing football.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: I think I had been at it so long and I was at a point in my career and this is how I made my living.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: And so I had a wife, I had a house you know obligations and whatnot and my body was was how I made a living.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: I believe inside of me I knew I shouldn't be playing, made a living.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: I believe inside of me I knew I shouldn't be playing and I pushed because nobody not somebody pushed me, but I pushed because I wasn't believing that I could make a living and meet my obligations any other way that I hadn't.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: I didn't have a plan, I did not have a backup plan.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: I did not have.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: If this check stops coming, I'm going to be all right, that kind of thing.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: And so it was systems, science and the crisis itself and their recovery.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Recovery happens because when you process the program, only then you take the lead.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: But then the brain is able to create that new level of energy.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Entrepreneurship you are saying about I would have, if I known more, done it differently.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: That's the creativity part.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: You've got the training.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Now what would you do differently?
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: No, but you're saying timing was off because you had all these responsibilities.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: That is us all in that situation.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: That's what the crazy self is.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: When you dummy down your sense path because you have to fit your labor into the program and ignore your reality, that you are hurting yourself.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: You're hurting your real opportunities in the future sense because you're not thinking through clearly in relation to the experience of how you move through that system for yourself and not someone else.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: So you're being influenced.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Your mind is being influenced by the environment.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: So your state of mind is killing you because your self-talk is telling you all the time this is not what we should be doing.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: And until you get that forward feed to be released by your brain, which is what you're talking through right now, you are caught inside that trap of denial.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: And I'll let you keep going when you breathe and you exhale.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Now you're preparing the brain to take the next step because you're clearing that space.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: You're clearing that space for that next journey You're talking about, for example, surgery on Friday.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: You're clearing that space so that that is not a hurdle, as you're in that environment and transitioning through these states of mind versus your inner sense of fear, because at your stage and age you want that brain talk to come through, because that is you, that is your mentality, mental capacity to think through the things you feel.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Bam, that's what you're talking to us about.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, keep going, because I'm saying to you, like I said in the text, you are on the right track.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: The healing track Once you forgive yourself, that is the next step is to understand the healing part.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: The healing part is recognizing what you just accomplished Character, letting it go, realizing it's my fault, it ain't their fault, it's my fault Because I chose to experience that negative influence that disadvantaged me in the long term, because I had those immediate goals and objectives that I had to meet.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: So that's OK, because that's what we're talking about.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: So, in passing this information forward, you're setting the stage for someone else to understand, acknowledge the influence or the power of transitioning to processing the experience of self externally, because you were dealing with your physics externally.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: They were dealing with the external you, not the internal you, but the physics of you as an athlete.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Wow, you don't look hurt, you don't look injured.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: You look like you're performing, you're walking, you don't walk like a person with that type of injury.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: The physics of self.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: And when you buy into that, you are psychologically telling yourself I'm wrong.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Your body and brain is connected.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Your body's sending a message to the brain.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: The brain's saying no, we are actually feeling exactly what you are afraid of.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: Again, and so this preparation has taken me to kind of a place of gratitude, and I've spent time thinking about the many people who poured into me, and so our discussion today started with my parents, who, again, they moved from parenting me to later stages in life, to becoming my friends, and then my very, very good, dear friends.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: Another thing my mother told me early in life is that she put her life in my hands.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: You know, when you're young and you hear that, you'd be like, oh mom, what, what?
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: And it turned out that in 2011, when she got ill, eventually passed away that was in fact the case, and so my sister, my wife and I were at her bedside when she, when she, passed away, and we, we had to make many, and you were with me during that time also.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: We had to make many, many, many decisions for her, because on a Sunday she was OK.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: I had spoke to her and said good night, on a Sunday night, not the next Thursday, but Thursday.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: A week later she had passed away, but we had to make those decisions, and so, in fact, my, her life was in my hands, or our hands, as she could not make decisions, and we had to make decisions for her and so she knew something, but she was prepping us, prepping me all my life for that moment, and that's a piece that that comes up for me.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: And then my dad in 2018, he had cancer and he was going through the chemo treatments and so I, by that time, was heavily involved in his treatment and taking him back and forth to therapy and getting him you know the places that he had to go and just spending time with him, and it was such a privilege and it was such a blessing, even in that he handled it with dignity and grace and a lot of things not said but in eye contact, because of the way people are handled in life events and the lack of dignity that's provided to people.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: And so I had never seen my father naked.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: I'm in the room with him a nurse, and he's naked and he would just look at me.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: You know, and we knew, we knew and I hope I was communicating with him that I love you and it's all right.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: You know those sorts of things.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: Funny story because even in 2018, my hip was hurting.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: I actually took my father not I, I and my family took my father to have a hip replacement surgery.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: I and my family took my father to have a hip replacement surgery and so he had some I don't want to say dementia, but he had some memory issues and whatnot and so.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: But I had taken him to get a surgery and I reflect back I had taken him to a chemotherapy at the same time.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I'm hopping, my hip is hurting and so I'm checking him out of the chemotherapy session and his mind is deteriorating.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: He's down, but he walked out and turned the corner and was gone and I'm doing his paperwork and I'm on a cane and I couldn't catch him and I laughed about that.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: I'm like he's in better physical shape than I am and I laughed about that.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: I'm like he's in better physical shape than I am.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: But those are some of the things that I was able to do with him that I that I look at and I appreciate and I laugh about on this day.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: A lot of words and it's often talked about in the Bible and I'm very active in my church also but our tongues and the ability to speak life and encouragement or death, hurt and pain and I look at them and they continuously spoke life and encouragement to me.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: I think that that is a link for me to me having careers in mental health and in youth development, knowing the importance of how we I can't think of a better word right now but how we handle people, how we handle each other, how we handle children.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I think I shared with you too.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: Part of my decision to move forward with the surgery is because when I'm living in pain and hurting, it impacts how I interact with people and so I find myself being short with people.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: Not being rude, but for me, not being who I feel like I am with people, how you greet people, even doing the things that I feel are important to do either my church work or community work or whatnot when you show up and you don't feel well, it impacts you.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: I love doing that, I love teaching Sunday school, but the getting up in the morning and you know all of that, the travel, the drive, the walk, any stairs you have by the time I was getting there I was like I used all my energy to get there.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: I didn't you know there was no juice left to share with people of the excitement of life, the excitement of what life could be, the hope, you know, the encouragement.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'll add that in the story of self and self-learning interaction, where a parent imparts that feel for your brain first through signs of care and the feel for how to care, because they have not been cared for and they have not been felt as an experience by a mentor, parent, teacher and so forth and so on.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: But what you're describing is the fact that, because your mother and father took the time to show you care, that you developed and evolved a sense of feel for what care is, that you move through all these channels to where you are right now and you're expressively decoding that information flow, because that's what needs to be understood when you're moving beyond the crisis.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Self is that you have to have that sense of feel for how to care for self, to care for other people.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: So when you're talking like that, you're showing character because you're rationally letting people know that you look at the consequences of what was happening to you and you realize to stick to it, even though everybody else isn't behaving the same way.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: They're not responding the same way because they're not accepting the care.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Instead, they're seeing softness, oh, and their lack of focus because they're trying to run through them and ignore the fact they love you.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: They're just trying to show you how to feel their care and then reciprocate in relation to what you do around them and with them, following rules, regulations, so forth and so on.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Not being a burden, yeah, but you describe me.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: So I'm saying to you you're on the way to recovery, in healing time, once you continue to acknowledge the consequences.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: The trap is this Because you have good parents and because you are a good person and so many things around you aren't the same, you may ding yourself and say, well, what's wrong?
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: It's the fact that you are more humanly wrapped around feelings of care than others are, and they resent it because they don't know what it means.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: So when you're going through these situations, you're rashly looking back.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Don't worry.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: The reflection is upon what it is you need to do to move through that experience and maintain your identity.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: That's what we're talking about when I'm talking about the NFL.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: They took away your identity because your identity was to care and they knew you cared, and that's where they worked from and your sense of field was dedicated to learning your role and your function within that organization.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: And what I'm saying right now is you are that you've been struggling, even with our interaction, bringing me down to Merced for educational consultancy and stuff like that.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: You were moving through a sense of field to equip yourself with the knowledge and skills required to do that work in a caring way, and so, when you look back, there's no consequences.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: This is a sacrifice of being an activist and being on the right side.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: You understood program, you understood process and you got children through.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: You got parents to understand and relax because they knew you understood training.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: But you also were a processor who understood how to process the experience of that training.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: That's why they kept coming to you to talk to their kids, because it's complicated when a man don't know how to talk to a child because they're only accustomed to the program and what the influencers want them to say to their kid.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: You, on the other hand, is going to tell the kid this is training, but this is what you look out for, the process variable, so they have a clue as to how to transition through those cognitive domains of social cognition and then internal social cognitive physics.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: That's the neurophysics I'm talking through.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: So no, mr Tony, you're doing great, you know.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: And so the word eclectic, it suits.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: It suits what we're talking about and what you're experiencing as you continue to dialogue with me um, man, there's just so much, I think, um, no discussion of me would be complete without family, and and it's almost it's difficult to not include everybody.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: But then there there are some, there are some tens, you know.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: And so growing up, my grandmother, our grandmother, lived with us and my family there are five children, there's almost like two sets, and so there were three boys and I was the youngest, and then two more kids came and I was the youngest, and then two more kids came and I was the oldest, and so, but in that time that I was the youngest, my parents worked too, so my mother in nursing and my dad is a truck driver and our grandmother lived with us and my older brothers, mark and Kent, they were in school, but I was at home with my grandmother and Kent they were in school, but I was at home with my grandmother.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: And so again I sit in, I think back on those days.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: Some of my earliest memories are racing my grandmother to the mailbox to get the mail, and so we lived in a rural part of Merced and the mailbox was maybe 30 yards from the house and that was one of our things to go get the mail every day, maybe 30 yards from the house and that was one of our things to go get the mail every day.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: I slept in the bed with her until my sister came along and I'm seven years older than my sister Foundational things I remember.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: Every night she would put me on my knees and we would pray.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: She taught me that prayer as a child and her spirituality and her kindness.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: I tell that story because my grandmother and mother came to California from Arkansas, never heard them talk about Arkansas and I never heard them talk about the good old days and my second brother, kent, who was 18 months older than me.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: We talked all the time.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: He's just slightly older than me but those years gave him a clearer lens and a better understanding of the things that were going on, and so I had heard stories, but I didn't understand stories.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: In another video not hopefully, we'll do another video and I can talk in more detail but some horrendous things happened to my grandmother and mother in Arkansas and they were, in fact refugees.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: They was getting out of Arkansas because of Jim Crowism and racism and and just a difficult life.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: I'll spend a little, a little bit more time with that.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: I think my mother was in the sixth grade when she came out here or when she eventually landed in Merced.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: But my grandmother, she had her Bible.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: But I also, when the school district built an adult literacy center, I remember her attending classes there to learn how to read and that's where I made the connection that this education thing was of value.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: A grown woman would go somewhere and humble herself and be in a situation to learn how to read.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: I've said that she was illiterate.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know that that was the case.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: She could read but she wanted to read better and that has always stayed with me.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: And so, again, how my family pushed me, put me in positions of things, and so in church you know the plays and poems and what things that we did on holidays, I recall.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: And again, as part of my preparation, my mother pushed me to give the speech at the eighth grade, graduation.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: You know I didn't want to do it, you know, I don't know, you know, but she pushed me, she saw something in me and, again, all you got to do.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: And so I'm giving a speech at eighth grade, graduation.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: I go to that because that was, you know, preparation for life.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: And I have adopted the moniker eclectic because I do know a little bit about a lot of things and I do have the ability, the skill to negotiate most any situation.
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: And that was them, that was their vision, that was their preparation of me, and so I can be in high places or low places or whatever.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: You know, just the ability to know where you are, assess where you are, move accordingly, appropriately.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: So there's a lot there and here's what I try to get In human systems science.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: What I try to get, what I like to see you do, is stay with that issue of how it feels to read.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: Now, even if it's the Bible, well, how does that feel to you reading the Bible?
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: No, the training part is up front training or reading the Bible.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: But now look at how it feels, because that's your brain's body and those signals emanating, because that's the creative side.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: When you can process the training, you're going to another level.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Same thing with brain talk when you have the inner voice and self-talk clashing, how does that feel?
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: Because when you read, it's happening, you can feel it.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: So when you write, when you journal, that's exactly what you want to do.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: You want to be able to understand beyond how you feel, but how you communicate when those words hit the print, are you comfortable?
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: Because your brain and body are clashing, because your body is the physics and your brain is the neurologic responses that you see physically being put to print or sent to the computer.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm talking about when you're talking like you're talking.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: The other side is processing the experience of the training Move through the training of mom, dad, grandparents and mentors, and then get to the sense of feel, because that's the message.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: You have to feel the message.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: What Did you interpret the message?
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: Or did you just train yourself to respond accordingly?
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: Nfl, train yourself to respond.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: Process the training Read, write, draw, act.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: There you go, you got on the football field.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: You act through the experience of the pain.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: Now did you feel that?
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: If you felt that, then you understood the damage that you were doing and you were at odds with yourself, because the environment flies with your neurophysics At the same time.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: What I'm trying to understand is you take the lead.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: So if you're retired because of what you were experiencing, yet they were saying, no, give us one more year you chose the brain, the lead of the body.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: It's all I'm trying to understand, because in recovery, your brain has to take the lead of the body.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: It's all I'm trying to get you to understand, because in recovery, your brain has to take the lead of the body, because everybody's training the body, but your brain is being left behind because you're not allowed to participate.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: What you're talking about right now?
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: You're talking about releasing your brain to interact with me and others as you dialogue about the experience, because reflection means you're processing the training.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: What I'm asking you do you feel it?
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Do you feel your brain at work moving you through the crisis itself so that when you perform on Friday because you're going to perform, you're going to be there to participate from as aware as possible, to move through that experience and be in the lead?
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: When you come up out of it you know renewed, fresh, moving forward?
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm talking about when I talk about transitioning between training and process, because you're a processor and so you're processing the experience right now and the preparation is moving through you.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: That space, you're creating a space.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: You contacted me.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: You're creating a space.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: I'm saying you're in the lead the brains and lead of the body.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: You're transitioning, but the key is you can feel alone because you're going in the program.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: Hospital's program training, hospital program training.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: Medication is training.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: That's what they're trying to give you.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: Your brain is a processor.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: When you come up out of it, you have to be aware and someone has to be there to make sure those questions are answered, to support your chemistry, your natural chemistry, versus the pharmaceutical takeover of your brain's body.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: And, yes, but you want recovery to be within your levels of awareness, where you continue because, at the end of the day, they're going to ask you do you have competency?
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: Can you make your own decisions?
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: That's what we're talking about here and I'm saying to you you're creating that space right now to become more and more attuned to that experience.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: That's processing the experience.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: That's where you got to stay and understand.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: They're trained to deliver service that training because you have to trust the training, because that's like you and me.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: We were trained to do something and let us do our job.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: But now you've got to process that training and stay in the lead and make sure.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you see what I'm saying, my interpretation of that is at what point do I recall moving out of programming more into processing?
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: And that really didn't happen until 1990, when football was over for me, and so I really had free space to think and figure it out.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: From that point, you know, up until that point it was high school and that was mapped out.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: It was college and that was mapped out.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: And professionally, one of the challenges is when you got free time, what do you do?
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: People may or may not know this, but in football, college and professionally, your day is mapped out for like in a binder.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: Your day is mapped out for close to a year, kind of hour by hour where to be, what to do, practice breaks, lunch, dinner, travel.
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: It was in a binder you take with you.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: So you knew.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: And so all of a sudden, in 1990, I had free time and there was no program.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: Some other things were going on in there too, and it greatly involved my parents, because I had a bulging disc in my back and I actually I was laying on the floor on my back while I was doing all this thinking.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: But but again, my parents were there.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: My, my mother would travel and visit with me.
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: My father would come and just sit with me and we'd talk, but just time, the continuous nurturing process that a parent would have with a child.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: But 1990, really, was that breaking away from program and say who am I really and what is it that I want to do?
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go back just a little bit.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: So I'm in college and I would describe myself as a bright person, and so I can hang into something long enough to catch on, enough to get it and be able to do it.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: I could stay viable and that's what I tried to teach kids at the Boys and Girls Club Just hang in there long enough, keep yourself eligible, but keep yourself viable until this thing starts to make sense to you.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: And I brought that from my life.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: And so I'm in college, prepared, slightly prepared, and I'm on campus, but I have no idea about a major.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm in college, didn't, didn't?
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: I ended up in life going towards counseling and social work.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: But I sat down with my dad and my dad was not college educated and we picked out our major.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: We picked out my major and I'm going back to the eclectic.
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: He said maybe you want to major in business, everything includes business.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: And I didn't have nothing to base.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: I didn't have anything to challenge that or go differently.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: So I'm now a business major and I hated it.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: Hated it but stayed viable enough to graduate with a degree in business Barely the end was really a struggle because I didn't have a high interest in it, but it was things that you had to do to meet the requirements and I finally met the requirements, graduated with an undergraduate degree in business and again and that again goes to my dad and that stick-to-it-ness having glue in your shit, being able to stay with something long enough to complete the task and I had not thought about that connection until you know we were having this conversation, but he was crucial in that just getting out of the university with the degree and so 1990, again in free place, free space and time and time to think I was trying to answer that question who am I and whatnot?
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: And so God sent some people into my life and exposed me to some things and got me into some situations where I was starting to be able to answer that question in the early mid 90s is when I made the decision to go back to school and get an advanced degree in marriage and family counseling, which was more inclined or more suited to my internal interest.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: But it really started with the interest in trying to know myself and then other people.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: So I had started working at an outpatient mental health clinic with the lady that I was introduced, valerie, and that was my introduction to the helping professions, especially from a mental health perspective, and I'm laying a lot in here.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: But that's also where I realized that if we're going to help people, it's much more effective and beneficial if we do it early.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: I was having grown clients with mental health issues and you layer on top of that lack of employable skill sets, homelessness, and you can't fight everybody.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: And that was for me confirmation that if I'm going to have an impact, if the work that I do in this world has an impact got to start earlier.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: That led to the Boys and Girls Club.
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: So is there anything else you want to add in closing?
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: Mr Tony, it's been a wonderful experience Me just listening and absorbing your interaction and your sense of feel and getting a greater understanding as to who you are and why you are discussing the things you're discussing at this critical stage in your experience.
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: You know what.
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: So many things, and I thank you for the opportunity.
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: What I wouldn't want to leave this meeting without acknowledging what I think of as my care team, and so my wife, who has been by my side and encouraging in her way to move forward and to do something around the quality of life.
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: We have a grandson and we spent a week in Hollywood last year and I'm chasing him on a bad hip and I'm I'm having the best time of my life and the worst time of my life at the same time.
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: But the best time of my life and the worst time of my life at the same time, but the best time of my life, and I want to be able to do more things with him, because Big Papa is going to be not it's not going to always be cool, and so you know that's encouragement to me and my wife's support work.
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: My sister I've spoke very little of her, but she's seven years younger and really is my hero.
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: She is the most so.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: There's five of us, four boys and a girl.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: She is the most like our parents, both mother and father, in getting things done in her life and supporting, tremendously supportive, and she'll be with me at the hospital on Friday, just a glue in our family.
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: And so since our parents are gone, she has stepped in there and keeps the family, the brothers and sisters and nephews and nieces, all kind of organized and on track, and it's a huge task and that she chooses to do it again, speaks to who she is, but also our parents and whatnot, and then I have friends who are on standby again as part of that support network, which includes you.
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: So again I want to shout out those people and if I started doing thank yous we would be here forever.
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: So maybe that could be our next piece that I could think, because in preparation for this, so many people have poured in.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: You know, family coaches, teachers, people that I've met along the way.
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: Something that I'm doing now is I have a small group of friends from USC that we meet and process the experience that we went through as 18-year-olds, and so we look at each other and laugh and say, man, I've been knowing you for 45 years and that is incredible that a friendship or a relationship has sustained that time and that we can go back and talk about that experience and say what was that?
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: You know, especially in light of the drastic changes.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: My second brother I spoke about a little bit in that he's 18 months older but with a much more clear memory.
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: Funny story.
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: And then I'm gonna close this out because I know what time is time is.
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: But, um, as a child I remember loading up in the station wagon and going to visit my uh, my mother's, my mother's honor cousin and and we would load up and go and I didn't know where we was going.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: I got in the car and you know, as a kid, you get in the car and you go to sleep and it seemed like we drove forever and ever and ever.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: And so I say, kent, you remember such and such.
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: Where were we going?
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: And he said, boy, we went to Livingston, and that's probably about 13 miles up the street.
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: And I said, oh, oh, you know, just things like that.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: I remember my grandmother had one sister that I knew, ain't Cirilla, and she lived in Fresno and I was so, so young, I might have been three or four, but again, riding to Fresno.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: I knew in my mind, I knew we went to Fresno.
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: I said, kid, what was that?
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: And he said we went to Ain't Cirilla's husband's funeral.
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean, but as a child.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: I just remember getting in the car and going and everybody was sad, but I'm appreciative of him and his patience with me and his understanding of situations that I didn't know what is a funeral to a three-year-old.
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: Thank you, dr Slayton.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: You're welcome.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: I could go and go and go.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: You know, siblings are all different.
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: They all have various qualities and we're not at all the same.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: That's the uniqueness inside a family system with brothers and sisters you are alike but still different at the same time.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: You know different qualities.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: So yeah, mr Tony, I want to thank you for sharing with me.
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tune us out and we'll get together on the other side.