Latest / WTF! Women Talk Finance / EP 15: Building a Business When Your Body Fights You, with Tori Burton

Transcript

EP 15: Building a Business When Your Body Fights You, with Tori Burton · WTF! Women Talk Finance

0:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm Jackie.
0:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm Candace.
0:03
SPEAKER_01: And this is WTF.
0:05
SPEAKER_02: Grab your coffee, wine, water bottle, emotional support snack, no judgment.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: And let's get into it.
0:12
SPEAKER_01: Hi, welcome back to WTF.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: We've got Tori Burton with us tonight.
0:18
SPEAKER_01: She is an interior designer and like amazing style icon, super creative, adventurous.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to call you a yogi because you and I do yoga a lot together.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: And she's also just a very dear human that has a really special story to share.
0:37
SPEAKER_01: And before I forget, I'm going to let you know you can find her on Tori as Tori Burton Home on Instagram.
0:44
SPEAKER_01: You'll want to save that and come back to it.
0:46
SPEAKER_01: When you hear about her style, her design, the furniture she makes.
0:52
SPEAKER_01: We're going to get to that.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: We're going to do a little mini episode with Tori on all things style and design.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: But let's launch into this really kind of like unique story and unique background that you've got, Tori.
1:05
SPEAKER_01: Tell us a little bit about where you grew up, what you really liked growing up, and then kind of when life took an unexpected turn for you.
1:14
SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh, you are both way too kind.
1:17
SPEAKER_04: Thank you for having me.
1:19
SPEAKER_04: Um so I grew up uh in the suburbs of Minneapolis in Minnesota, and I kind of thought, well, I needed to do something like real.
1:33
SPEAKER_04: My dad's a lawyer.
1:34
SPEAKER_04: He never said this, but I was like, I need to be a doctor or something corporate, you know.
1:40
SPEAKER_04: I don't really have any creatives in my family.
1:43
SPEAKER_04: Um, and then I discovered in college that you could major in interior design and have a career in that.
1:52
SPEAKER_04: And so I pivoted pretty quickly and went to school for that.
1:57
SPEAKER_04: And then um my dream was to live in New York, and I just had like the movie dream, you know, where you're like sex in the city, fabulous apartment, you know, living in New York.
2:12
SPEAKER_04: And so I got my first job at a showroom in New York City, and then I ended up working for um an interior designer there.
2:22
SPEAKER_04: And, you know, New York is really fast-paced and it can make you crazy.
2:29
SPEAKER_04: And I started slowly like gaining weight and having my hair fall out, and I was super angry.
2:40
SPEAKER_04: Like, I would just be so aggressive, my body language, I would snap at people.
2:46
SPEAKER_04: I was things that should not be a big deal.
2:49
SPEAKER_04: I was getting so wigged out over.
2:52
SPEAKER_01: That's terrifying.
2:54
SPEAKER_01: Like when like young, you're in college, you're 20-ish.
2:58
SPEAKER_04: I'm like 23, 24.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
3:01
SPEAKER_04: Like first job in the city, and I'm just and hairs falling out.
3:05
SPEAKER_04: Hairs falling out, sweating all the time.
3:09
SPEAKER_02: Really terrifying.
3:10
SPEAKER_02: Did you what did you think it was?
3:14
SPEAKER_02: Like, were you did it frighten you, or you were you just like, oh, I'm just stressed, or is this just like aging?
3:20
SPEAKER_04: I don't the weight was kind of freaking me out because I probably was a little unhealthy and scaled back in my eating, and I was running, and I had never been a runner before, but I was so broke.
3:33
SPEAKER_04: I was like, this is the only thing I can afford is running around the streets.
3:36
SPEAKER_04: And I was the math is not mathing, you know what I mean?
3:40
SPEAKER_04: Like I'm gaining weight.
3:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
3:42
SPEAKER_04: And I'm sweat, you know, the sweat was disgusting, and I was so angry.
3:48
SPEAKER_04: And then I came home and a doctor did a blood test, and she was like, Oh, your cortisol is really high.
3:55
SPEAKER_04: And I feel like that's been a really trendy thing the last couple years, but I had never really heard of cortisol back then.
4:02
SPEAKER_04: It's like 2017.
4:05
SPEAKER_04: Um, and that's your stress hormone.
4:07
SPEAKER_04: And it was high.
4:09
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
4:09
SPEAKER_04: So she would, they were to start, they're like, simplify your life.
4:12
SPEAKER_04: I was working like coat check at night at a club till three in the morning.
4:17
SPEAKER_04: I was doing freelance interior design on the side, like working three jobs, you know.
4:22
SPEAKER_04: So I was like, yeah, this is kind of crazy and not a healthy schedule.
4:26
SPEAKER_04: And it just kept getting worse.
4:30
SPEAKER_04: And so I I was kind of a nightmare, and I just quit my job and moved home with no plan.
4:39
SPEAKER_04: And my dad is very like plan based, and I'm kind of a drama queen sometimes.
4:46
SPEAKER_04: And it got to a point where they had said, like, you can't move home unless you have a job lined up and things figured out.
4:52
SPEAKER_04: And my dad was like, you can come home.
4:55
SPEAKER_04: You know you can come home.
4:56
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, say less, quit my job that day.
4:59
SPEAKER_04: And then um I got home and I was so mad.
5:06
SPEAKER_04: I was so mad at everyone, like everything, my body language.
5:10
SPEAKER_04: My parents thought to start, my mom thought something happened, like some traumatic incident happened, and I was not telling people, but just, you know, was manifesting in these things.
5:27
SPEAKER_04: And I okay, could I was saying, I promise you it's not that.
5:30
SPEAKER_04: But then I also started going to a therapist who kind of thought the same thing.
5:34
SPEAKER_04: I was like, I promise you it's not that.
5:37
SPEAKER_01: Could you even articulate?
5:39
SPEAKER_01: Like, I like I'm mad.
5:42
SPEAKER_04: And I my mom drove out to move me back to Minneapolis, and I remember we spent the night somewhere in like Indiana, and I yelled at her.
5:50
SPEAKER_04: And I it was like an out-of-body experience watching me, just knowing like you are truly insane, nothing is wrong.
5:58
SPEAKER_04: This is not a good look.
5:59
SPEAKER_04: Like, you love your mom.
6:00
SPEAKER_04: Just what are you doing?
6:01
SPEAKER_04: But everyone else thought that.
6:04
SPEAKER_02: Did you start to think that?
6:05
SPEAKER_02: That's my thought.
6:06
SPEAKER_02: Is there were you doing like something?
6:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, maybe I don't know, something did happen.
6:10
SPEAKER_04: Well, and then that did scare me too.
6:12
SPEAKER_04: Like, especially with the therapist pushing me, you know.
6:15
SPEAKER_04: And I was, she's like, Well, what about this guy you dated?
6:18
SPEAKER_04: And it's like, no, he was just nice.
6:21
SPEAKER_04: I hate to tell you, you know, like I really can't think of anything it could be.
6:26
SPEAKER_04: And then you feel, and then the weight was coming on like crazy too.
6:31
SPEAKER_04: And then, you know, let you know, say my parents, because I was living with them at the time, they're like, Well, are you eating at night?
6:38
SPEAKER_04: Are you sure you're not doing that?
6:40
SPEAKER_04: Oh, and at the time too, I I went on a yoga retreat.
6:44
SPEAKER_04: It was all like gluten-free, locally sourced, yoga, bar, three workouts a day, and I gained like eight pounds during the week.
6:53
SPEAKER_04: And so everyone else was like, Wow, I lost, you know, water weight or 15, you know, no alcohol.
6:59
SPEAKER_04: I was just like, how am I gaining weight at everything?
7:02
SPEAKER_04: And then, like, so sorry, so we know my cortisol is high.
7:11
SPEAKER_04: My grandpa, he is no longer with us, but he was a neurosurgeon and he really liked this um endocrinologist, and so did my doctor, who had discovered my cortisol was high, so I went to them, and they didn't really do anything, they did not take enough blood tests, in my opinion.
7:37
SPEAKER_04: And he did do a blood test to see that my cortisol was high.
7:42
SPEAKER_04: Um, and he was like, it could be Cushing's disease, but that is so rare, and you're so young, and you're your weight, you look proportionate.
7:52
SPEAKER_04: You're not, you know, you're not that overweight.
7:56
SPEAKER_04: And um, he was like, I just don't think it could be it.
8:00
SPEAKER_04: And I remember my insurance was coming up, and I was like, can we just do the MRI to just like know before my insurance restarts and just like to know?
8:10
SPEAKER_04: And he ordered an MRI and ruled it out.
8:13
SPEAKER_04: And so he couldn't give me another reason to why all these things were happening.
8:18
SPEAKER_04: And he gave me an appetite suppressant, which just c made me feel insane, like wired, couldn't sleep, and I also wasn't losing weight because it wasn't related to what I was eating.
8:32
SPEAKER_01: And no answers.
8:34
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, okay, so in theory, this is a band-aid, you know, but like to what?
8:40
SPEAKER_04: Like why or you know, what is happening?
8:43
SPEAKER_04: So I worked with him on like different appetite suppressants and things for probably close to a year, and then my grandpa also liked this um doctor who does like holistic a naturopath.
9:00
SPEAKER_04: And he was like, I don't really believe in that, but I believe in him.
9:04
SPEAKER_04: And so I went to him and and uh he put me on this program of supplements, and he was like, If you if you feel good in eight to ten weeks, this is all from mold.
9:15
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Okay.
9:16
SPEAKER_04: And then he goes, But if you don't, this is out of my control.
9:20
SPEAKER_04: And so he thought it was from mold in my New York City apartment.
9:22
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, that is actually so disgusting.
9:25
SPEAKER_04: But I felt better.
9:27
SPEAKER_04: And then I at that time I was not sleeping.
9:31
SPEAKER_04: I was I would stay up to like one or two in the morning, feeling fine, go to bed, wake up at four or five, and be like, let's read a book, let's do laundry, let's work out, like all before work.
9:42
SPEAKER_04: And I would feel like it's morning.
9:46
SPEAKER_04: I was wired, I was never tired.
9:48
SPEAKER_04: I had acne all over my face, my hair was falling out, and then I was also getting um like tremors, like I was always shaking, like you know, like would look nervous at work.
10:04
SPEAKER_04: Um, what else was happening?
10:08
SPEAKER_04: Really bad memory.
10:09
SPEAKER_04: I had to put the GPS on to drive to work every day because I'd forget where I was going if I was driving.
10:16
SPEAKER_04: Like I needed the GPS cues.
10:19
SPEAKER_04: Um, everything just was like in, you know.
10:24
SPEAKER_01: How could you stay like positive through this?
10:29
SPEAKER_01: I I'm guessing this was a series of years where I want to know what was this time frame so let's see.
10:43
SPEAKER_04: Probably like early 2017, I started really feeling these things.
10:48
SPEAKER_04: And I think in the spring I went home and got that first cortisol test, and then um moved home in the fall in September of 2017, probably finally got in spring of 2018 with that endocrinologist, and then I and then I gave him a year.
11:09
SPEAKER_04: And I was just spinning my wheels too because I was like, if it's not Cushin's disease, like what is it?
11:15
SPEAKER_01: What is it?
11:17
SPEAKER_04: And um then that naturopath gave me that program, and this day I quit taking it, I couldn't sleep.
11:25
SPEAKER_04: It all came back, and I was not positive because I was just like, I don't know.
11:31
SPEAKER_04: It was that was the worst of this whole experience was about that time because I was like, you know, to the point with my parents were like, I don't know if I can hold down a job.
11:44
SPEAKER_04: I don't know that I can live by my at that point.
11:46
SPEAKER_04: I had moved out and had my own apartment, and I was like, I'm not a loser of things.
11:51
SPEAKER_04: I was leaving my wallet at the grocery store.
11:54
SPEAKER_04: I was leaving my keys at work and getting locked out.
11:56
SPEAKER_04: I was forgetting where I was going.
11:59
SPEAKER_04: I was, you know, leaving the like taking pictures of the oven to make sure I couldn't leave it on, and then I'd forget things, and I was just like, I don't know that I should be alone because I'm scaring myself.
12:11
SPEAKER_04: And I also don't know that I should be working, you know.
12:15
SPEAKER_04: And then, you know, my mom was like, well, maybe you quit your job, but I'm like, I need health insurance, I need I have medical bills, I have ex I'm committed to a lease, you know, things like that.
12:28
SPEAKER_04: So if I do that, I probably will need help because I'm not prepared as I didn't have a savings account really after leaving New York, you know, building it back up a little bit when I moved home.
12:42
SPEAKER_04: But I'm just like, I don't know what to do.
12:45
SPEAKER_04: I'm lucky that my family was like, we'll don't let that stop you.
12:50
SPEAKER_04: But I didn't quit my job.
12:52
SPEAKER_04: But um, my dad is a big advocate for Mayo Clinic, and he was just like, go to Mayo Clinic.
12:57
SPEAKER_04: And at first I was like, that's just a doctor.
13:00
SPEAKER_04: Same doctor, you know, like it's just a doctor.
13:03
SPEAKER_04: But as someone who hadn't ever needed to go to a doctor for something like that, like Mayo Clinic is like, we will figure it out.
13:12
SPEAKER_04: We will figure it out.
13:14
SPEAKER_02: Did you finally feel like did you feel confidence in that?
13:20
SPEAKER_02: Or were you just kind of like after the series of professionals you'd been through?
13:27
SPEAKER_04: Hello?
13:29
SPEAKER_04: I know we're on Women Talking Finance, but the endocrinologist was a guy and he was just like, You're healthy enough, you're not that he's like, There are fatter people than you.
13:43
SPEAKER_02: This is not the m like Tori, I'm gonna need you to send me his name.
13:49
SPEAKER_04: I'll adopt him address so um, you know, he just didn't really like see me or hear me.
14:00
SPEAKER_04: And then like the first thing the I had a female endocrinologist and um what's the word?
14:10
SPEAKER_03: It's not a resident.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: Um like a PA or like a like a doctor in training, someone in residency?
14:20
SPEAKER_04: Basically a doctor in training.
14:22
SPEAKER_04: They had a doctor word for it, but a doctor in training, but they were both women and they were like, Can we see a picture of you from like a year or two ago?
14:31
SPEAKER_04: And they're like, whoa.
14:32
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Yeah, you know, this is another symptom of what I had was moon face, where it's like if you're on steroids for a while, you get like a swollen face.
14:45
SPEAKER_04: I totally had that.
14:47
SPEAKER_04: So that them just being like, whoa, and looking at me being women, like, we will figure this out.
14:54
SPEAKER_04: I was like, okay, you know, that felt really good, but it was still really scary because you're like, can you?
15:02
SPEAKER_04: You know.
15:03
SPEAKER_04: Um, and so they started like really crazy testing.
15:10
SPEAKER_04: I think I went down to Rochester like 12 days for testing before I had my diagnosis.
15:19
SPEAKER_04: And not to be an alarmist, but I did an MRI and it detected nothing.
15:28
SPEAKER_04: So then they ordered a stronger MRI, so it detected nothing, and then um had to have like an exploratory procedure to determine that I had ultimately a brain tumor, which was causing my whole body to go out of whack.
15:45
SPEAKER_04: And so I have since like grappled with like sitting at a table, hearing people at another table say, Oh, the MRI came back clean, thank God.
15:54
SPEAKER_04: We don't have to worry about it being a brain tumor.
15:56
SPEAKER_04: And I'm sitting there like, that doesn't mean you don't have one, you know, not to be an alarmist, but you know, it's just the year 2020, well, I guess it was 2019, and we couldn't see it even on the world's best MRI.
16:13
SPEAKER_04: Like this speck that's just pressing, it was um pressing on my pituitary gland, which controls your hormones.
16:23
SPEAKER_04: So it's basically like stuck in overdrive.
16:26
SPEAKER_04: They said the one doctor explained it to my parents like she is watching someone she loves be like murdered at all time.
16:34
SPEAKER_04: We don't know how she can ever sleep or ever come down, like her body is in that level of like stress constant, like with no breaks, yeah.
16:44
SPEAKER_04: And then the cortisol also at that level, and like that amount of time too, like it eats away your muscles.
16:51
SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, so like it starts to disintegrate like your tissue, your muscles.
16:56
SPEAKER_04: Like I got so weak, and it's just because it's just eating itself, but then anything your body can store as fat, it will, and it'll just fodge on to dear life.
17:09
SPEAKER_04: So I think I gained like over a hundred pounds in the course of this whole thing.
17:14
SPEAKER_04: And um I guess I'm hopping around.
17:18
SPEAKER_02: But then this is it's good.
17:21
SPEAKER_02: Um I haven't heard it in this like linear, I don't know.
17:26
SPEAKER_02: Knowledge chronology.
17:28
SPEAKER_02: I don't know how you've heard it this way, Jackie.
17:31
SPEAKER_02: I haven't.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: No.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: It is it's so upsetting how much you were brushed off um and doubted and you thank God you kept advocating for yourself, but I'm sitting here going, how did it feel?
17:54
SPEAKER_02: And I'm guessing it was pretty complex when you finally had an answer, a terrifying answer, but now you finally have an answer.
18:04
SPEAKER_02: How did how do you how did you feel?
18:07
SPEAKER_04: It is like so complicated because going into the procedure where they determined that I had something happening.
18:22
SPEAKER_04: Um it I was like, if they don't find something, I don't know what to do next.
18:30
SPEAKER_04: And they were very great at Mayo Clinic being like, we will just go on to the next step.
18:38
SPEAKER_04: We will keep taking the next step.
18:39
SPEAKER_04: But I was like, I don't know what the next step is, you know, and I did have faith that they would know something, but I'm just I was just like I I just want an answer, you know, like because you do kind of especially then because I couldn't tell you what was wrong, and then people are like, Are you sure you're okay?
19:00
SPEAKER_04: Are you sure you're not eating you know, like, what are you doing?
19:02
SPEAKER_04: And it's like, no, I'm sure this is not a choice, but I can't tell you what is happening.
19:09
SPEAKER_04: But then the other crazy thing is Mayo Clinic, one of the beauties of Mayo Clinic is they're all like in one house and all talk to each other, where a lot of places I try not to look at like message boards and like group chats on this and Facebook because it's too scary for me.
19:26
SPEAKER_04: But a lot of people will get a diagnosis and then they have to wait eight months to get in with the neurosurgeon, and then they do, and then they have to wait to schedule it, you know, like it could be a year.
19:37
SPEAKER_04: Mayo Clinic was like, we can connect you to your doctor tomorrow, and we can schedule like this.
19:43
SPEAKER_04: Might have been like a Monday.
19:46
SPEAKER_04: They're like, we can get you in for surgery on Thursday.
19:49
SPEAKER_04: So you don't I didn't even have a full week from when I got diagnosed to surgery.
19:56
SPEAKER_02: You're like, which one minute everybody's like, are you sure you're not making this shit up?
20:03
SPEAKER_02: to okay, babe, so we're gonna be cutting your head open on Thursday.
20:07
SPEAKER_02: Does that work for you?
20:09
SPEAKER_04: Is that okay?
20:10
SPEAKER_04: And then you're cured.
20:11
SPEAKER_04: And then you're cured.
20:12
SPEAKER_04: So it's like as soon as you can kind of label it, it's over.
20:27
SPEAKER_02: Um, it's not like they were, I'm uh knowing more about you, like not they're they weren't like necessarily all accusatory, but putting kind of some of the ownership on you of like, well, what are you eating?
20:41
SPEAKER_02: And are you sure you're telling us the whole story?
20:44
SPEAKER_02: And you've been through a years of questioning your own sanity as you're feeling like an imposter in your body, and then you get answers, and it's a terrifying answer, and you're going in for major significant life-altering surgery.
21:03
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's that's Tori, you lived decades in that three years.
21:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
21:13
SPEAKER_04: But then I was so low, actually, like at that time that I was just like, okay, if this surgery doesn't go well, I won't if like the worst thing happens and I die, I'm like, I won't pa I probably won't know, but also like it's over.
21:32
SPEAKER_04: Like it wasn't a great place, but I was like, then it's then it's done, you know, like then it's done.
21:39
SPEAKER_01: Almost like relief that you don't have to keep trying or working to figure something out.
21:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
21:46
SPEAKER_04: And it's not my fault, it's not my choice.
21:49
SPEAKER_04: You know, it's just like and it's just that's it, you know.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: Um We Candace and I talk a lot about like resilience.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: And this concept of like, we we love knowing when when the the bad shit happens and like tell us your yeah, Candace says it best like tell us a time you got bloody and how you were because it's so easy to like make a little resume of your, you know, your skills and your successes and your wins, and we love talking about that.
22:22
SPEAKER_01: It's like no talk about something that was really, really hard.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: I think that's the way you you touch people, right?
22:28
SPEAKER_01: And that bec it becomes very, very instrumental for others, and that's like your most impactful points of human connection.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: And like there is nothing, nothing in this world that like is as a um like an indicator of what you're capable of, then developing this type of resilience and not trying to be like Susie Sunshine, silver lining.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: Like, no, this was a horrific experience.
22:57
SPEAKER_04: I was hard to be around those years, like for sure.
23:03
SPEAKER_04: I cried a lot, you know.
23:06
SPEAKER_04: I didn't want to show up to things because also I'm vain.
23:09
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, oh my god, I'm you know, like my colleagues room with sweating.
23:13
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, I'm 40 pounds heavier than last time I've seen these people.
23:16
SPEAKER_04: My skin is purple because it is all acne.
23:20
SPEAKER_04: My hair is like, and I can't, you know, at that time too, like my friends were like my friends wanted to set me up with a guy, and I'm like, I'm shaking like a leaf.
23:30
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, how am I gonna go on a date?
23:33
SPEAKER_04: Be like, no, this is just me, but I don't know why.
23:37
SPEAKER_04: It's probably fine, but I can't stop shaking, you know.
23:41
SPEAKER_04: It's just like no one wants to go on a date with that girl.
23:44
SPEAKER_02: Tori, that's you had to wake up every single day wondering why like your body was betraying you almost.
23:54
SPEAKER_02: So I think you were really brave and really strong.
24:00
SPEAKER_02: And I will tell you, there's people who don't want to show up to weddings for plenty of reasons.
24:08
SPEAKER_02: I I have never questioned anybody for not wanting to show up to something because of their appearance, because that is it's it's our vessel.
24:18
SPEAKER_02: Like it is how we show up, and when it doesn't feel like it's yours, how could you possibly show up to something feeling your best self?
24:27
SPEAKER_02: I'm amazed every single day you were you were just able to even just just basically function because that would be really, really, really hard.
24:40
SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
24:41
SPEAKER_04: Well, I spend probably like four hours crying the day after the wedding.
24:47
SPEAKER_04: Just like it took everything I had to go and like talking to my therapist about like how hard it is gonna be, and it doesn't seem like it is, but it is.
25:00
SPEAKER_04: And you know, that kind of period too.
25:04
SPEAKER_04: I feel like an analogy for me was like I never understood trans people being like this, I'm not in my body.
25:12
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, that's your body, like, yeah, it is.
25:14
SPEAKER_04: And I would like even like look at those pic pictures of me from that time, and I'd be like, Oh, that's me.
25:22
SPEAKER_04: Like, it didn't even clock as me.
25:24
SPEAKER_04: And like my eyes had like no, like a couple months after surgery, my mom's like, your eyes look like you again.
25:31
SPEAKER_04: But like, if I look at pictures of my eyes, then it's just like flat dead.
25:36
SPEAKER_04: Like, it's so crazy how physical it was.
25:40
SPEAKER_04: And and I felt like that.
25:41
SPEAKER_04: I was like, I this is not my body, like I don't know this girl, I don't know what's like I don't claim her, I don't know what's happening.
25:48
SPEAKER_04: I feel like I'm trapped inside because I but I don't know how to get out, you know, and so now like it's different than being trans, but I understand now, like, oh yeah, you can be you in a body that's like an alien invasion, and you don't connect at all, and it's so like and that's really upsetting too, because you're like, Where like where am I?
26:12
SPEAKER_04: And who you know, just like you said, like it's what you present as and no one's seeing you.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: How did you start to like climb out of that place where you're there, you're in there, but you're like, This is not me.
26:28
SPEAKER_01: You have the surgery, and symptoms kind of continue, right?
26:35
SPEAKER_01: And you this is I think during the time I met you.
26:38
SPEAKER_04: Probably Yeah.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: And so yeah, walk us through like how'd you climb out and get us to like where you're at today?
26:45
SPEAKER_01: This was a years, years long almost almost a decade.
26:51
SPEAKER_01: Not quite, but almost.
26:52
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
26:53
SPEAKER_04: At first they were like, you'll be on stereo.
26:57
SPEAKER_04: So basically, what they go in for surgery, they also go through my nose, which is really weird, and fine, but I don't have a scar, I didn't have to shave my head, you know.
27:13
SPEAKER_04: So people don't look at me and think she just had a brain, you know, like pros and cons, you know.
27:20
SPEAKER_00: You can have a board, investors, advisors, and still have nobody you can actually talk to about what is really going on.
27:27
SPEAKER_00: That is not unusual, that is the founder reality.
27:31
SPEAKER_00: And we step in right there.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: I'm Tom Powell, and at the founder's office, we're proud to sponsor Women Talk Finance.
27:38
SPEAKER_02: Is every other millennial thinking about the um how they used to take the brains out of the mummies?
27:46
SPEAKER_02: Didn't now I am that for me feels scarier, Tori.
27:54
SPEAKER_02: I feel scared more scared for you now.
27:57
SPEAKER_02: That feels scarier than if oh my god.
28:01
SPEAKER_04: It's it's amazing and not right at the same time.
28:05
SPEAKER_04: So yeah.
28:08
SPEAKER_04: And so people just look at you and like, oh, you're fine.
28:11
SPEAKER_04: And I think a lot of people too are like, oh, she's surgery, she's fine.
28:15
SPEAKER_04: Like, you're done.
28:17
SPEAKER_04: But that's not true at all.
28:19
SPEAKER_04: And then I know it's a whole long story, but they were like, you'll be on steroids for a couple months to simulate your hormones, whatever, and then you'll be off of them in three months, like one to three months.
28:30
SPEAKER_04: I was on them for a year, and at that point, because I was still on them at a year, and they gauge it based on blood tests.
28:39
SPEAKER_04: They were like, if you're still not if you're still on them, you'll probably be on them for life.
28:45
SPEAKER_04: And then rude, I started having health problems because of long-term steroid use.
28:53
SPEAKER_04: But I need to be on steroids, and I'm like, you know, it's like I started having panic attacks and things like that, and they're like, well, that's typical, but I'm like, I have to I have to work.
29:04
SPEAKER_04: Like I I can't be having panic attacks over nothing to the extent I'm having them, and things like that.
29:10
SPEAKER_04: And I was really depressed and just like, you know.
29:24
SPEAKER_03: It's just not fair, you know, like I know life's not fair, but you know, I'm still kind of bitter.
29:33
SPEAKER_04: Like, what if I didn't have this?
29:34
SPEAKER_04: Like, would I still be living in New York?
29:36
SPEAKER_04: Would I have like what would my career look like?
29:39
SPEAKER_04: You know, it's you know, just so many things in my life.
29:43
SPEAKER_04: Like, if I'd had the time and bandwidth to not be all about this, like what could have happened?
29:50
SPEAKER_04: But I can't control that.
29:52
SPEAKER_04: And so kind of around that time, I started working with this nutritionist who specialized in brain health, but then I also was like, if this is like my sentence, like I'm gonna be on steroids for life and I can't control these things, like what is in my control?
30:11
SPEAKER_04: And I'm single, I don't have kids, and I'm at the time, like, okay, I'm not gonna be dating right now.
30:17
SPEAKER_04: Like, I can't control you know, like I don't have kids, like what is worth like if this is as good as life gets, like, what can I do?
30:25
SPEAKER_04: And so that is when I started Tori Burton home because it was something positive that could be like something I could pour myself into that would bring me joy and like purpose and excitement I could be proud of and make me happy and could make life worth living, basically, if that was the best it was gonna get.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: And so you literally reframed your life from a place of deep acceptance of a shit hand.
31:03
SPEAKER_01: Like, you're right, it is not fair.
31:05
SPEAKER_01: It is not fair.
31:06
SPEAKER_01: You are a 20-something year old girl, like this is a time when people are making different transitions, right?
31:12
SPEAKER_01: Like, if we chunk life out into phases, it is so deeply unfair.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: It's like this is the phase when you're thinking about what you're gonna do.
31:19
SPEAKER_01: You're coming into adulthood, like, who am I gonna be?
31:21
SPEAKER_01: What am I gonna do?
31:22
SPEAKER_01: People make plans, right?
31:23
SPEAKER_01: You always talk about, oh, what's your three-year plan?
31:25
SPEAKER_01: What's your five-year plan?
31:26
SPEAKER_01: What's your 10-year plan?
31:27
SPEAKER_01: You're like, I don't know.
31:29
SPEAKER_01: I I I don't know how much time I'm gonna get, what the quality of my life is gonna be like.
31:34
SPEAKER_01: I am fighting to figure out how to like live like a normal person day to day, right?
31:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm in a space where I am not me.
31:43
SPEAKER_01: And from that, from that space, you you said, what what am I gonna make of this?
31:50
SPEAKER_01: It's it's so it's so dichotomous.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: It is so dark on one hand and so light on the other.
31:57
SPEAKER_01: I noticed you had the mental that you had spaced to think that way.
32:04
SPEAKER_02: That beautiful brain to even allow the space to think that way, because I'm sitting in here and I'm mad for you, and I'm mad for the dream that was like ripped out.
32:17
SPEAKER_02: The dream's not gone.
32:18
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna get but at the time, I'm saying at the time that's how you you said you felt, right?
32:24
SPEAKER_02: Because like, and then um, you know, every day your health and your body just being a full-time job.
32:36
SPEAKER_02: And then the world around you is like, okay, cool, but also you need to do all these other things too.
32:43
SPEAKER_04: And like there's pressure to be well, people are like, you had surgery a year ago, like you're you're you're cured, you're fine.
32:50
SPEAKER_01: And so raise a hand on that, and just will raise a hand on that.
32:53
SPEAKER_01: That is not absolutely not.
32:56
SPEAKER_01: No, absolutely not.
32:57
SPEAKER_02: I'm just I to to then I mean, this just speaks to the creative soul that you are, because the creative part of you could not be boxed out that easily.
33:12
SPEAKER_02: It was like, I'm still here, let's do something, let's do, let's have an outlet, which is incredible that that through all of this you were able to still do something uh creative and for you and and at the end of the day, be on your team, be the person for you, figuring out how you were going to exactly what Jackie said, still chase that dream.
33:44
SPEAKER_01: I think it's also so interesting, Tori, how um like the private worlds we all have.
33:51
SPEAKER_01: And like you said, someone would, you know, look at you and you didn't have a shaved head.
33:56
SPEAKER_01: So they're so it's harder to maybe understand or relate.
34:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm curious how you managed through having this really isolating internal world where you're going through these things and you can't really articulate.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure your family was very understanding and supportive, but it's not the same, right?
34:15
SPEAKER_01: Like you're in there alone dealing with this every day.
34:18
SPEAKER_04: Well, and once they've learned, like at Mayo Clinic, probably that it was like a real medical issue, just like what is it?
34:27
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, everyone, you know, all of the doubt and stuff was like, you know, and everyone was on board, but I don't blame them too before, like I'm just like crying because I'm fat.
34:40
SPEAKER_04: They're like, are you sure you're you know what I mean?
34:43
SPEAKER_04: Like, I'm I don't blame them because I just don't like they couldn't possibly have known, you know, or I'm just like snapping at like I was mean, you know, and then like you're mean.
34:53
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, I know.
34:54
SPEAKER_04: So spoiler alert, I had a second one.
34:58
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
34:59
SPEAKER_04: So just I think also like to that point, like the way people showed up for the second one, there was none of that, like no, you know, like no doubt, full support from the start.
35:13
SPEAKER_04: It was like night and day, like obviously different, but you know, every every doctor knew I was serious, all my friends knew, all my family knew.
35:24
SPEAKER_04: It was just like night and day, like the support and how people treated me.
35:30
SPEAKER_04: I love that, but I also hate that you have to go through something terrible to get it.
35:34
SPEAKER_04: Like that was kind of an apology without being an apology, you know, like if we yeah.
35:41
SPEAKER_01: Well, going back to this like internal world versus external world, and like you know what's going on, or you know the extent of the confusion and the frustration, and just you know the feelings of living inside that.
35:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, always bringing it back to like we try to talk finance here, but there's different types of finance and money and capital, and there's social capital, and there's this emotional capital, and there's like relating to other humans.
36:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm really curious how you would I think sharing your story is so important for so many women out there that like society tells us to put a mask on and be one way to the world, right?
36:20
SPEAKER_01: And a lot like you know that saying, you never know what someone is like privately battling.
36:25
SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of us have our own stressors, not to the extent like what you went through was yeah, I don't have a word for it.
36:34
SPEAKER_01: Very unique, very unique and very, very challenging.
36:38
SPEAKER_01: Too much, yeah.
36:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, too much.
36:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, but we all have these things we're struggling with, and we keep this mask on, right?
36:46
SPEAKER_01: And it's kind of this like suffer in silence, keep it to yourself, like one day at a time, we have all these cliches, and I would love to change, change that a little bit.
36:57
SPEAKER_01: Like, change the advice, change the expectations, change the narrative.
37:00
SPEAKER_01: Like, why do we have to present this to the world when this is going on behind the scenes?
37:07
SPEAKER_02: I'm also curious, as you say that, Jackie, if you were a man going through this, and obviously there's men who've gone through this disease.
37:18
SPEAKER_02: I'm curious how they're treated going, if there's as much doubt, if there's as much like, oh, they're just being dramatic.
37:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh, they're just, you know, um, they're they're it's they're it's they're just eating too much.
37:39
SPEAKER_02: I mean, like, I'm curious, or if it's taken more seriously for a male patient.
37:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't know.
37:47
SPEAKER_01: I can't speak to that.
37:48
SPEAKER_01: You know, it with your own health journey.
37:50
SPEAKER_01: I know with my you have to with other family members, like we're in a day and age where we really have to be advocates for our own health.
37:59
SPEAKER_01: We really have to um work at like knowing ourselves, knowing what resources are out there.
38:06
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think the hardest part of all is staying optimistic when you're really again, like you said, Tori, it is so unfair.
38:17
SPEAKER_01: How do you just keep Candace's point?
38:20
SPEAKER_04: Just made me think of not to be vulgar, but I did have like assist in like my tush when I was living in New York.
38:28
SPEAKER_04: And in hindsight, I was sharing with a girl I know who also went through cushions, and she had one too.
38:33
SPEAKER_04: And we're like, okay, that's gotta be related because it's just gotta be that we both had one like the year before.
38:42
SPEAKER_04: And she said her doctor said it was from riding the she like rode the bus to work, and her doctor said it was from the bus being too like bumpy.
38:53
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, that's just not even I'm not a doctor, but like how's it's that doesn't seem well researched.
39:00
SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna need that name too.
39:02
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we told her to I'm gonna need that name to be careful of going on the bus.
39:06
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, I just don't think that's how cysts work, but yeah.
39:13
SPEAKER_04: So it's just and that you have so well, and also for advocacy.
39:19
SPEAKER_04: So they told me I would never get off.
39:22
SPEAKER_04: So I I love my life, I love my friends, I love travel, I love design, I love my family, you know, like I want to be here.
39:33
SPEAKER_04: And so I did work with this lady, and I didn't like, I didn't enjoy it, but I got off steroids.
39:40
SPEAKER_04: So I was like, okay, like well, I I think what she made me do is why I'm off steroids.
39:46
SPEAKER_04: So I was like, okay, beautiful.
39:48
SPEAKER_04: Then they're like, it's gonna be an 18-month detox, and then the weight will just fall off, and you'll feel like in one night?
39:56
SPEAKER_01: What's the promise?
39:57
SPEAKER_01: In one night, yeah.
40:00
SPEAKER_01: Jackie.
40:04
unknown: Yeah.
40:05
SPEAKER_01: I love you in love just because I've only seen a sliver.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: I feel honored to like to have met you and to have seen this sliver.
40:14
SPEAKER_01: You are so, so, so special.
40:15
SPEAKER_01: And I'm laughing with you only because I I know what it takes to show up the way you do.
40:21
SPEAKER_01: And I I I don't know, I don't know how difficult this has been, but I've had a glimpse into how difficult it's been, and you still show up and you laugh and you're doing yoga.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: And I invited Tori to something at my house with old friends, and normally that's a space.
40:37
SPEAKER_01: I'd be like, Oh, I'm just gonna sit at home and like watch a movie.
40:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm too much of an introvert.
40:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna put myself out there.
40:43
SPEAKER_01: Tori shows up and like connects with three girlfriends that I've known for 20 years, and she's just like they're also fun.
40:50
SPEAKER_01: See that that like the the glow you have is so the lightness, the levity you have is so special.
40:56
SPEAKER_01: So I'm I'm laughing with you at these jokes that are like these are deeply painful.
41:01
SPEAKER_02: I think too, like some a lot of people would and I'm speaking for myself.
41:07
SPEAKER_02: I would let this kind of fester, I think, and and maybe dim some of my light.
41:14
SPEAKER_02: Um and to just echo what Jackie's saying, you still are just such a joy.
41:24
SPEAKER_02: You get out there.
41:26
SPEAKER_02: Um we're gonna share your Instagram.
41:29
SPEAKER_02: Your Instagram is so much fun to see, and it's um it's it brings me a lot of joy to to follow you.
41:44
SPEAKER_02: And I just think that's something that you should be really proud of because a lot of people would not have been able to go through that experience and still show what you do.
41:55
SPEAKER_02: Well, I didn't thank you.
41:58
SPEAKER_04: I didn't come up with this, but in the midst of it too, I heard the motto uh mantra, having fun is so fun.
42:08
SPEAKER_04: And being sick is so not fun, and I'm just like it's feels so much better have fun or like have treats or have a trip, you know, and or something that it's a much like better feeling than even if you kind of have to force it or make it up.
42:29
SPEAKER_04: It's just like you know, there's a lot that feels really terrible, and one of the worst things about it all, I think, is you know, like if you have a bad job or something, like you can go home and like go to your, you know, like you get a break at least, or something.
42:48
SPEAKER_04: It's like you cannot escape yourself and you get zero breaks from yourself, so it's just like that was always one of the hardest things for me is like I love that Torah that you never get a break from yourself, so who are you gonna be?
43:01
SPEAKER_01: And no matter what's going on, the good, the bad, the ugly, whatever, can you be a version of yourself that you still like and go through that both at the same time, right?
43:09
SPEAKER_01: You talked about the days where you would cry and cry.
43:11
SPEAKER_01: I've had those days, Candace has had those days.
43:13
SPEAKER_01: We talk about hitting the deck all the time.
43:15
SPEAKER_01: I mean, like Candace and I will have there are there's a moment when you go to just like lay on the floor, actually just stay on the floor.
43:23
SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
43:24
SPEAKER_02: There are days where I'm so sick of my own attitude, but I can't get away from my own self.
43:30
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, this bitch, she is won't leave me alone.
43:36
SPEAKER_02: I like I but I mean, and that's on like I had a hangnail, so I can only like like I'm not kidding you, Tori.
43:47
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm so impressed with how you did all this, and to bring it like back full circle moment, created your business at the like in this.
44:02
SPEAKER_02: So not to like detour a too much from this story, but I want to share the like the happy ending and this like betting on yourself moment that you had.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
44:17
SPEAKER_03: Well I love it.
44:19
SPEAKER_03: Hold on.
44:19
SPEAKER_03: Hold on.
44:22
SPEAKER_01: Time pause.
44:24
SPEAKER_01: If you are if you are listening and you haven't liked or subscribed yet, please do.
44:30
SPEAKER_01: We're going to take a 30-second break for us.
44:32
SPEAKER_01: It could be a week break for our audience, but we're going to come back with Tori and hear about what she's doing.
44:40
SPEAKER_01: You're going to learn a little bit about Tori Burton home.
44:42
SPEAKER_01: Hopefully you're going to pop over to Instagram and see the style and the design work that this woman is actively putting out into the world.
44:51
SPEAKER_01: So okay, let's wrap we're wrapping this episode.
44:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: Okay, great.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: But we're doing a mini series we're doing a mini series for Tori's design stuff.
45:02
SPEAKER_01: Do you like how organized we're about to shift into talking about couches, can I know?
45:08
SPEAKER_02: I'm so excited.
45:09
SPEAKER_02: I want to just like bring it full circle though.
45:12
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
45:12
SPEAKER_02: And then people can listen.
45:14
SPEAKER_02: You're right.
45:14
SPEAKER_02: So yes, please tune in.
45:16
SPEAKER_02: Mateus keep all of this in because it's gold.
45:20
SPEAKER_02: Um like don't give away the secret juices yet, but just sprinkle in the happy ending and then tune in for the second second part, right?
45:32
SPEAKER_02: Is that what we're saying?
45:33
unknown: Sure.
45:35
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
45:36
SPEAKER_01: Well it's this it's this through line of Tori you have you you missed a chunk of your life period.
45:42
SPEAKER_01: Because you were so focused on this unfair battle you're fighting that took precedence over the all the other things the the life planning the goals the standard timeline so you're at this point now you've done the health battle there's still some residual stuff and you're working through it but we've got to this point now where you're like I get to make some plans like exhale I get to make some plans.
46:09
SPEAKER_01: So yeah give us a little preview and then we'll come back in our next episode and and talk through what you're doing.
46:18
SPEAKER_04: Well planning on some new furniture pieces planning on finally launching the website and hopefully some new projects coming up so you got your Sarah Jessica Parker moment but in Minneapolis living this dream as a designer an amazing amazing designer and an amazing furniture designer little bit so when I started my company I was like very lucky I ping ponged from my moving home from New York I lived with my parents got a place pandemic you know job security stuff moved back in with my parents so at this time I was living with my parents again luckily and was able to put aside some money to make my first like core pieces for Tory Burton home and you know furniture is expensive um but it was just like it was so what I needed at that time to it kind of felt like playing work like playing dream job where I made pieces I assembled my team people I really respect and understood what I wanted to do and it it's kind of it probably is every designer's dream I would think is to like if you're doing interior design you're compromising because of their budget or they don't like green you know and you're like it would be prettier in green but fine you know you're constantly compromising with your clients but like to just make something that was just for me and it's like take it or leave it felt really cool like that yellow day bed you saw you know I could pick that yellow because I wanted yellow and it doesn't matter you know what anyone else thinks really um so this was your play therapy after yeah years of hell.
48:52
SPEAKER_04: Yeah felt really just like fun and real you know what I mean too because it's like oh I am doing it I'm making things you know um people are responding to them that's exciting but um I I got things shot so that is good and I am not a tech person so like building the website out is scary to me and I would look for any reason to not build it out and everyone's like oh it's so easy you can do it and I I don't think it's so easy because it still doesn't exist.
49:38
SPEAKER_04: But um or it does exist but is but Tori most people couldn't couldn't do what you do.
49:45
SPEAKER_04: So I don't know it it there is a web page but it's not the brand.
49:52
SPEAKER_02: We'll get to the brand standards piece on the next so follow the next part of the like Jackie said I derailed us.
50:01
SPEAKER_02: Well come to our next episode where we talk more about Tory Burton home.
50:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah perfect.
50:06
SPEAKER_02: So people got the happy ending and now we're gonna dive deeper into Tori Burton home okay good perfect bye okay that was today's episode of WTF.
50:17
SPEAKER_02: If you laughed learned something or felt a little less alone make sure you hit follow and send this episode to a friend who might need it.
50:26
SPEAKER_01: Women don't gatekeep especially not the good stuff.
50:29
SPEAKER_02: We'll be back next week with more real talk more stories and probably more over sharing.
50:34
SPEAKER_01: See you next time on WTF