Latest / Arena Ablaze Podcast / Welcome Into the Arena | Faith, Brotherhood and the Fight for Holiness

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Welcome Into the Arena | Faith, Brotherhood and the Fight for Holiness · Arena Ablaze Podcast

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I, a repentant sinner, renew and ratify today,
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in your hands, O Immaculate Mother, the vows
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of my baptism.
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I renounce Satan and resolve to follow Jesus
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Christ even more closely than before.
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Mary, I give you my heart, please set
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it on fire with love for Jesus.
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Make it always attentive to his burning thirst
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for love and for souls.
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Keep my heart, and your most pure heart,
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that I may love Jesus and the members
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of his body with your own perfect love.
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Mary, I entrust myself totally to you, my
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body and my soul, my goods, both interior
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and exterior, and even the value of all
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my good actions.
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Please make of me of all that I
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am and have whatever most pleases you.
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Let me be a fit instrument in your
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immaculate and merciful hands for bringing the greatest
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possible glory to God.
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If I fall, please lead me back to
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Jesus, wash me in the blood and water
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that flow from his pure side, and help
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me never to lose my trust in this
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fountain of love and mercy.
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With you, O Immaculate Mother, you who always
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do the will of God, I unite myself
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to the perfect consecration of Jesus as he
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offers himself in the Spirit to the Father
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for the life of the world.
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Amen.
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Welcome into the arena.
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This is the Arena Blaze podcast, and I
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am your host, your willing host, Marco Sandoval.
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Count of Monte Cristo, thank you, Marco.
1:54
I am joined, as always, by my fellow
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son-of-a-muck, Todd Powers.
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Todd Powers.
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Thank you all for joining us.
2:01
We're going to find out.
2:03
Today's the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart, so
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it's been a great day.
2:08
It has.
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It's a feast day in the Catholic Church.
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Yeah, a little mass this morning, a little
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adoration.
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You did a little bit more than me.
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What is interesting, it struck my mind this
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morning.
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I always think of the Eucharist as the
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Sacred Heart.
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I'm eating the Sacred Heart, body, blood, soul,
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and divinity, and then I go to adoration
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and I look at the monstrance and I
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think, that's the Sacred Heart right there in
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front of me.
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So, yeah, it was moving today.
2:37
Today we're going to be kicking off the
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Arena Blaze.
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This will be our first episode.
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Just kind of going over why we're doing
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this, what was the inspiration for it.
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To me, it's just, I hear a lot
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from particularly men, it's particularly men-focused, but
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it's for everyone.
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Just a practical, the practical layman perspective in
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the arena every day.
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The arena of life.
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The arena of life.
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What are we really doing here?
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We move into different arenas, work, family, church,
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sport, for sure.
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So we're not theologians, we're laymen.
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I'm not going to be able to quote
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you scripture out of the Bible.
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We're familiar, we've done a lot of different
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things along the way.
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Lifelong Catholics.
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Experienced, falling down, and God's mercy raising us
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back up.
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We just want to share that perspective.
3:40
We want to give that witness to others,
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because it does seem like men often put
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masks.
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We suffer in silence, we don't know what
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we're doing.
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I'm kind of making this up as I
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go, other people have to have the same
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struggles as me.
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Yeah, exactly.
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I want to know, how do you solve
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these problems?
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How do you live a life dedicated to
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being saintly and holy?
4:03
We're very programmed to be macho men, to
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be providers, to project this, we have everything
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put together, we know what's going on, our
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family's good, our kids are perfect, our bank
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account's nice.
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At least to the outside world.
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Oftentimes, well always, that stuff kind of hides
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a woundedness, and shame.
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When you fall in sin, shame, we know
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that the devil wants to divide, he's the
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divider.
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Wants to put us in chains, and he
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wants to put us in the shadows, and
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we believe that having these kind of conversations
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with other men brings it to light, where
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the light of Christ can heal it.
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I don't know about your family, but I
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know my family has generational dysfunction, and a
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lot of my brothers and sisters have done
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a really good job of identifying and rooting
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it out.
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I didn't really recognize I had generational dysfunction,
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I just thought my family was the greatest
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of all time, until the last few years,
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when I recognized my failings, and I saw
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those failings in my kids having kids, and
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I was watching how they are beginning the
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process of raising their children, and I'm just
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so proud of the differences that they're exerting
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on their babies, than what I did.
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My perspective is different, I came from a
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dysfunctional, broken family, where I didn't have a
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father in the home, I didn't know my
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father in the house, and kind of went
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through a series of stepfathers, and different situations
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that kind of left me wounded and acting
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out in ways that I kept wondering, why
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am I doing the things I'm doing, because
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I was born with a...
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So, throw that on top of that, throw
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that trauma, how do you feel you came
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to know the Lord, and how did that
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have an influential...
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Well, I feel I was very blessed, in
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that I was given this passionate love for
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God from a very young age, and my
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mother, for all the shortcomings of my youth,
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selected Catholic for me.
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I don't come from a Catholic family, I
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call myself, I'm a toddler Catholic, she believed
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that Catholicism was the truth, and I was
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baptized later, probably like three to five, and
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so, really it was just serving Mass, just
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really having a curiosity for the Mass, loving
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to serve it, and always looking towards God
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to get to know Him, and to grow
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in relationship.
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But it didn't stop either of us from
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doing the things we did, growing up, the
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partying and the...
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I don't want to use the F word...
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Well, it enabled me, I think, and as
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I look back, I feel like that love...
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I coach young girls softball, and I tell
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the girls all the time, the first place
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that Satan's going to try to get you
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is in your sexuality.
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So it takes that, like St. Augustine says,
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we're made with a restless heart, our heart's
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restless until it rests in God, and so,
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that's a very easy place to be compromised
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and perverted, and that's definitely what happened to
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me.
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That love for God was redirected into love
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for created things in the world, and pulled
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me off the path.
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It's easy to do, everybody's doing it.
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Exactly.
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I didn't see any influence that was going
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to say, Todd, there's grace in denying your
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temptation.
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Unfortunately, today, I recognize that, and I deny
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myself, but the grace I receive, albeit a
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great grace, is not the kind of grace
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you receive when your temptation is overwhelming and
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soul-crushing, and you go to great lengths
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to deny that.
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That's when you really feel God in your
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life.
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How much do you love me?
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Well, we're going to find out today.
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It's a long process, like for me, that's
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familiar to me that you say that now,
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but it took me probably 40 years to
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get to that place, and a lot of
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prayers, a lot of begging God to, I
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don't know why I do the things I
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do.
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I love you so much, I don't want
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to go to hell, please save me.
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When did that change from, I don't want
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to go to hell, to, I want to
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love you as much as possible?
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The school of Mary.
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For me, it's very specific.
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I mean, there's a path in my kerygma
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that led to that point, but my heart
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being pierced to the point where, instead of
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it being imperfect, love, fear of hell, fear
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of letting God down and doing the wrong
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thing, to being love of God and pursuit
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of loving God and trying to bring others,
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that was through the Marian consecration for me,
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multiple times.
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So you brought me into that consecration as
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well.
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Yeah, so this is the Arena of Blaze
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podcast, but we also do Men of Blue
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Army, which the point of the Blue Army
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men is to kind of bring men near
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the gate of Mary so that she can
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lead them to Jesus.
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I mean, that's the entire point of Mary's
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role in salvation history, is to bring us
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close to her son.
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And sports, that's another one I threw out
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there.
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That's kind of where the arena comes from.
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To me, sport, that's where the first place
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that I feel I learned it was, it's
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kind of a forge.
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You get out there and people are judging
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your performance, you're dealing with coaches, you're dealing
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with teammates, you're failing, you're working hard, you're
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exhausted.
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So to me, you're learning the virtues in
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a way that's not front and center.
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So I always say to my girls I
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coach, the two most important things in my
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life development was my faith, first and foremost,
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and sports, because that's where I understood kind
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of the fruits of hard work, understood being
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a good teammate, being a good sport.
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All those things that you learn, to me,
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are kind of directly related to virtue once
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you direct them properly.
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Were you a killer?
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I wouldn't say that.
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I was more like, from my upbringing, had
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a chip on my shoulder and was very,
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I judged myself very harshly.
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So I was trying to beat somebody out
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because that's how I valued myself.
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If I could win a spot, I would
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be more valuable.
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Do you think killers are born or are
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killers made?
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I think it's born.
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I think it's like leadership, it's born.
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I think it can be sharpened, it can
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be improved.
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You can maybe do more of that.
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You can learn some of that, but ultimately,
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to me, that seed is planted in you.
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That's the way I see it.
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So this is also, for me, to build
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an army of men on fire with the
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Holy Spirit.
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I started thinking about that, COVID.
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COVID kind of put us all in a
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strange place.
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One of the wonderful things that came out
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of it, as we know, God brings good
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out of everything, especially for those who love
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him.
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My biggest takeaway from COVID was there was
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a group of people that came together that
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were like a support group for the normal.
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I don't want to be politically incorrect, but
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for those of us who were like, what
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is going on?
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The world's upside down.
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I don't understand.
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I'm not afraid of this.
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I don't understand.
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And just this group rose out of kind
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of thin air.
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You and my brothers.
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Your brothers.
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Church militant.
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Yep.
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I was chilly most.
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And I came into that thinking, why don't
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we have this all the time?
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Why don't we have men and women meeting
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in a warehouse, discussing the issues of the
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day and how we respond to it in
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a faith-focused way?
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Like, I just loved it.
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And so when COVID kind of relaxed, that
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was a long history.
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We started in a warehouse and we ended
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up, you know, in Clonmel, and there was
12:37
like a support group of, you know, the
12:39
COVID vaccine and the people that were losing
12:42
their or in threat of losing their jobs
12:44
if they did something they didn't want to
12:45
do.
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So there was like a bunch of kind
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of a group that came around that and
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I just started thinking, the Holy Spirit's at
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work and this catches.
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It's using trauma, catastrophic failure to bring people
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together.
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And we were focused on the right things,
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you know, all through that.
13:06
Anytime I had conversations, I would say, I
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don't want to look down at the earth.
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I don't care about the mask and its
13:15
effectivity.
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I don't care about the vaccine and its
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effectivity, any of that.
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Those are losing arguments.
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Let's look up.
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I want to look up.
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COVID made me decide there was not going
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to be any more one day I'm gonna,
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because that day stopped.
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When COVID came, the world stopped.
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And I kept thinking, I may never have
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the opportunity to learn how to be a
13:38
bluesman and play guitar.
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So I started taking guitar lessons.
13:42
There was a lot of things I began
13:45
to do immediately as a story of my
13:47
life, one day I'm gonna, and we can
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start that off with one day I'm going
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to be happy.
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That's what COVID taught me.
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We're not given the future.
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For me it was, okay, are you going
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to, again, I often say, I mean, I
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refer to these girls I coach all the
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time, but I tell them every sin begins
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with a lie, always.
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And typically that lie is you're telling yourself
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a lie and then everything else comes from
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that.
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So I just remember thinking, this is a
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lie.
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And so am I going to live in
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a lie?
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Am I going to be quiet and live
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in a lie?
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Or am I going to do the hard
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truth?
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See, I didn't believe that at all.
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I didn't believe anything.
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I didn't know what was going on, but
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I didn't believe it was a lie.
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Now my brothers did.
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It brought discord to my family, for sure.
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I was a little bit more skeptical of
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it being created purposefully, but I get where
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you're coming from.
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I was just a little bit more chill
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with the whole thing.
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I have a tendency to be a consummate
15:08
overreactor.
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So my natural state as a healthier human
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is to assess and not jump to conclusions
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and assume positive intent.
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My thing was, I was coaching softball.
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This was the first decision point.
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I was coaching softball and they wouldn't allow
15:25
us to practice, they wouldn't let us get
15:27
together.
15:27
We're out in the sun playing games.
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Who's they?
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Just you got to put your mindset back.
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It was, we weren't allowed to gather.
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And so the facilities that hosted us for
15:39
practice weren't allowing us.
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But you could have went to College Hill
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Park or Blessed Sacrament, not Bald Diamond.
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I mean, possibly, but there was also a
15:48
lot of pressure internal.
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I was part of an organization of softball.
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So a lot of the other coaches were
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putting a lot of pressure on people not
15:55
to, because if you did...
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They didn't want you to get better.
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Yeah.
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And if you did, then they had pressure
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too, because it was always a mixed group.
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Some people were afraid and other people weren't.
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And my point was always, I'm not here
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to litigate your fear.
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If you're afraid and concerned and you have
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family issues, somebody who is susceptible, then by
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all means, take care of yourself.
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But those of us who don't have that,
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we should be allowed to live life as
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we see.
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And so the people were bleaching softballs and
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just cleaning everything.
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So tie that back into Arena of a
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Blaze.
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Let's tie that back into what we're trying
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to do here.
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Well, what I'm saying is I had to
16:34
make decisions.
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So that immediate decision was I started Blue
16:38
Army.
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I changed.
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I went away from that organization, started my
16:42
own, and I wanted everything I did to
16:44
be faith forward.
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So I started a Blue Army softball team
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and we began every practice and every engagement
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talking about the faith to young people.
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So that was like step one.
16:57
Then the next thing that shortly followed was
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I took my kids to another school because
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I wanted them to get out of masks.
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So it was just a...
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How I would tie it back to Arena
17:11
of Blaze is it was just a consistent
17:14
process of things being put in front of
17:16
me.
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Are you going to do the easy thing,
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even if it doesn't feel right?
17:21
Or are you going to do the more
17:23
difficult thing that's in the truth?
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And so I continued to make that what
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I would say a fiat, saying yes to
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the truth, saying yes to my conscience multiple
17:33
times.
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And that kind of led me down this
17:36
road to where I'm willing, I'm the willing
17:39
host, I'm willing to put myself out there
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because I feel there's a need, I feel
17:43
it on my heart to do something like
17:45
this.
17:45
Well, I think the motif you've designed is
17:47
absolutely beautiful.
17:49
Why don't you talk to us, tell us
17:51
about the...
17:53
What was that?
17:54
The logo?
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Yeah.
17:55
This is the podcast logo.
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I would say first and foremost there, it's
18:02
grounded in Luke 12, 49, where Jesus says,
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I have come to set the earth on
18:07
fire and how I wish it were already
18:09
blazing.
18:10
I love that scripture.
18:12
I love that word, blazing, it elicits an
18:18
imaginative response in my mind.
18:20
And then I just look at that and
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I'm like, he came to set the earth
18:25
on fire and he wished it were already
18:27
blazing.
18:28
That makes me think, he wishes that we
18:31
were doing something, that we were playing our
18:33
role.
18:34
So there's a role for us to set
18:37
the world on fire with God.
18:40
And so I just start thinking about that.
18:43
I'm so conflicted by that because we're called
18:47
to be forgiving and merciful and meek, we'll
18:51
inherit the earth, but at the same time,
18:53
there is a fire that we must have.
18:56
And with me in my life, I am
18:59
naturally wanting to jump.
19:02
I'm conflict, I love a conflict, verbally, physically.
19:08
Now I'm too old to do any of
19:11
that anymore, but I try to tone down
19:13
my rhetoric and I try to tone down
19:15
any altercations and so it's very confusing for
19:20
me.
19:20
And we've talked to one of the guys
19:21
in our group and he would like to
19:23
be more assertive at the same time I'm
19:25
trying to chill.
19:27
More chill, less accelerator.
19:31
I think it's just amazing how God works.
19:35
So in my mind, I love that scripture
19:38
and I think my initial response to it
19:42
would be, yeah, it's time for a new
19:43
crusade.
19:44
Look at the world around us, it's so
19:46
backwards, it's so crazy, it's at our doorstep,
19:49
it's in our schools and I want to
19:52
fight.
19:53
But the more you walk through it, the
19:55
fire that we're looking at and talking about
19:58
here is the Holy Spirit.
19:59
It's the Holy Spirit.
20:00
He wants the earth set ablaze in the
20:03
Holy Spirit, just like at Pentecost.
20:06
Just like when peace is oneness with God,
20:08
right?
20:09
He offers peace, but not as the world
20:11
offers it.
20:12
So it's been in a development and an
20:15
unpacking and Father Carney plays a huge role
20:18
in this because in my mind as I'm
20:20
thinking, I want to build an army and
20:23
I want to set the world on blaze
20:24
and I want to storm the gates of
20:26
hell that will never be able to stand
20:27
against us, but we need a sword.
20:30
What's the sword for all this?
20:32
Are we really meant to have another crusade?
20:35
Is it crusading?
20:37
It just doesn't seem right.
20:39
In a godless world, in a godless society,
20:42
yes, there's a crusade daily leaving the house.
20:45
This is a masculine confliction for sure.
20:48
This is like, what do we do?
20:51
We need to do something.
20:52
We're men.
20:53
We're protectors.
20:53
We're like ready to go, but what do
20:56
we do?
20:56
We're confused on what to do.
20:58
I feel like we kind of get the
21:01
wind taken out of our sails, but as
21:04
continuing with that, the Holy Face is there.
21:08
You've got two swords crossed and the image
21:10
of the face of the Veil Veronica is
21:13
over those.
21:15
So, to me, that image harkens back to
21:20
the gospel.
21:23
Jesus, when they leave the Last Supper, he
21:26
says, talks to them about how they're going
21:28
to have their money bag and the apostles
21:31
say, Lord, look, there are two swords here,
21:34
but he replied, it is enough.
21:36
So the two swords echo to that, then
21:38
they go out to the Garden of Gethsemane
21:39
after that.
21:40
So there's this two swords.
21:44
And I've heard that said, the sword of
21:46
the Spirit and the sword, like the physical
21:49
sword, maybe being the two swords.
21:52
There's two of us, so each of us
21:54
has a sword as a man.
21:57
But I like that they're sheathed in the
21:59
Holy Face of Jesus because this new crusade,
22:02
and I believe this, and I've got this
22:04
from Father Kearney, my experience, when I saw
22:06
him on about four o'clock talking about
22:09
this Holy Face devotion, I thought, this is
22:13
the sword.
22:14
This is the sword.
22:16
The Holy Face.
22:17
The Holy Face of Jesus.
22:19
I think it's in the book of Revelations
22:21
where Jesus is depicted with a sword protruding
22:24
from his mouth.
22:26
This is what God's calling us for, the
22:30
crusade in this day and age.
22:31
He wants us to direct our golden arrows
22:35
at his sacred heart, and he will exact
22:38
the justice.
22:40
He doesn't want the death of the sinner.
22:41
He wants the conversion of the world.
22:44
Don't you think it's a much easier gathering
22:49
of soldiers to affect those closest to us?
22:55
I did a poor job with my children,
22:59
raising them in the faith that I seem
23:03
to have now.
23:04
I have a brother who I admire greatly
23:07
in his resolve to raise children much, much
23:13
more in the faith to be saintly.
23:18
I was a Sunday-going Catholic, and I
23:22
raised Sunday-going Catholics, and we went to
23:25
confession.
23:27
I never was able to really impart upon
23:31
them the blessings of stewardship because I had
23:35
a divorced household, and they got to live
23:39
with their mom in addition to me.
23:42
I never really was able to influence them
23:45
in that regard.
23:47
But those closest to us that we can
23:50
affect are the soldiers that we can arm
23:53
with the Spirit.
23:54
You know, you're much further along in your
23:57
faith and your love for Christ.
23:59
I do love Christ.
24:00
I don't feel it as strongly as you
24:02
do as much as I feel like I'm
24:05
called to do the right thing.
24:08
That right thing is to follow Christ.
24:10
That right thing is to be an honorable
24:12
Catholic Christian man, to do things.
24:18
I don't have the same feelings as, you
24:22
know, you gave me the diary of Sister
24:23
Faustina.
24:26
Faustina, yeah.
24:27
Faustina, and I open that up, and I
24:29
read daily recordings of her life.
24:34
And I put them down every time because
24:37
I'm shocked at how lowborn I am, how
24:43
far along.
24:45
She was obviously shown.
24:47
She was obviously given, shown.
24:52
She knew, she knows, and she acted accordingly.
24:57
And I'm just fumbling along in the dark.
25:00
Yeah.
25:01
Yeah, the saints are daunting to read that
25:03
way.
25:03
But I think you're 100% right.
25:05
I agree with that.
25:07
Instead of, I think sometimes we get distracted
25:10
by looking too big and too far out.
25:14
Really the hearts that you can affect and
25:16
set on fire, like once your heart is
25:18
on fire, you can catch hearts nearby on
25:21
fire.
25:22
This is why community is so important.
25:24
This is why when I say army, army
25:28
to me is like a community of souls.
25:31
Like-minded individuals.
25:32
Shared values, like-minded individuals that are, you
25:36
know, witnessing to each other, helping each other.
25:42
Like we have these meetings, the Men of
25:44
Blue Army meetings.
25:45
We get together, and I learn so much
25:47
from other men.
25:49
Like you say, I'm further along in my
25:50
faith.
25:52
Maybe, maybe not, but it doesn't matter.
25:55
Up and down the line.
25:56
My sister told me last night, stay close
25:58
to Marco, he'll get you to heaven.
26:01
Heather Hollowatch.
26:03
I looked up and down the line.
26:05
You look up, you look all around.
26:07
I feel like each soul has something to
26:10
offer that we just, we shine together.
26:13
Like we're, we're not in competition.
26:15
We are made to collaborate.
26:19
We're made to help each other get to
26:21
heaven.
26:22
And so each person has their own talents.
26:25
I don't know if the word's anathema.
26:27
That's anathema to me, because winning is singular
26:31
to me.
26:32
But it's a team, right?
26:34
I win, you lose.
26:35
It's a team effort if we're on the
26:37
same team.
26:38
I know, I know, I know this now.
26:40
But at the same time, it was something
26:45
really changed in me when I recognized that
26:48
my faith was calling me to run a
26:52
race, to sprint to an unknown finish line.
26:56
And as a former college basketball player that
26:59
sandbag conditioning drills, because I was, I was
27:04
just too big at my size and height
27:07
to go all out whenever we did of
27:10
anything of consequence, because I was saving myself
27:13
for the moment of glory.
27:14
And, but my faith requires me to sprint
27:19
to an unknown finish line.
27:21
And that's scary to me.
27:23
That's terrifying because I'm running as fast as
27:27
I can, all out, expending all energy, nothing
27:31
in reserve.
27:32
And Christ is saying, I'll get you here.
27:35
Just keep running.
27:36
Just keep running.
27:38
I love it when we have these conversations,
27:40
because that's exhilarating to me.
27:41
Well, what are we...
27:42
To me, it's exhausting and scary.
27:44
What are we doing right now?
27:45
Like, right now, that's what I feel like.
27:47
I've just jumped into the darkness.
27:49
Like why?
27:50
I was thinking all that as I was
27:52
coming here to meet you.
27:54
Why in the world do I think I
27:55
can do this?
27:57
Do I even think I can do this?
27:58
Do I even think, you know, but it's,
28:02
I'm willing.
28:03
It's on my heart.
28:05
And...
28:05
Well, I said I was going to talk
28:06
about this.
28:07
You know, one of my interests in this
28:09
is that I'm tired of walking this by
28:12
myself.
28:12
And I show up at Mass, and I
28:14
go through the motions, and I compare my
28:17
insides to everybody's outsides.
28:20
There have to be other men that, how
28:23
are you doing it?
28:24
What are you doing?
28:25
How do you know you're doing the right
28:26
thing?
28:27
But you know, we show up, and everybody's
28:29
smiling, and everybody's driving a pretty decent car,
28:32
and they're all dressed nice, and we all
28:35
leave and go on our way, and...
28:38
What I like is, you know, kind of
28:41
to that logo, we've got the Ece Fiat
28:45
Magnificat on there.
28:48
Ece, behold.
28:49
So I was thinking of two things along
28:52
those lines today.
28:54
Mary says, behold, I'm the handmaid of the
28:56
Lord when the angel comes to her.
28:58
So behold, I am.
29:00
Here I am.
29:01
Which, I know we've been having a lot
29:03
of conversation about it.
29:04
Here I am.
29:06
Jesus comes to you where you are.
29:09
He comes down to you, and He raises
29:11
you up.
29:12
And then I was thinking about Jesus when
29:15
He's with Pontius Pilate.
29:17
And after He's scourged, He brings Him before
29:19
the crowd, and He says, behold the man.
29:23
You know, He's whipped and mutilated, and He
29:28
says, behold the man.
29:29
Right?
29:30
They start chanting, crucify Him, crucify Him.
29:32
You know, throughout life, I feel like that.
29:35
Behold the man.
29:36
Like, look at me, all wounded and filthy
29:40
and, you know, all the things that I've
29:42
done in my past life, and yet, you
29:45
still want to have a relationship with me.
29:47
You still want to...
29:48
My wounds are on the inside.
29:50
I'm lonely, I'm lost.
29:55
I feel like I fail.
29:57
I don't have any idea what I'm doing.
29:59
I've told my kids, I've been 20.
30:01
I know how to be 20.
30:02
I'm 58.
30:03
I don't know what I'm doing.
30:05
I'm making it up every single day.
30:07
But for the grace of God, there go
30:09
I.
30:09
I mean, I have an unbelievably productive life,
30:15
lots of wonderful material things, but at the
30:19
same time, there's this level of melancholy that
30:22
just awaits to want to come out.
30:24
And I think being around other people and
30:27
hearing, I'm not the only one.
30:28
And I think that's what's attracted me to
30:31
this, is that this ministry, I suppose, if
30:36
you want to call it, is, look, there's
30:39
got to be more people that feel the
30:40
way...
30:42
You know, I had a coach coming up
30:44
playing basketball.
30:45
I had somebody to guide me, to believe
30:48
in me when I didn't believe in myself
30:50
and in my faith.
30:51
I don't feel like I've ever had that.
30:53
I don't feel like somebody's pulling me along
30:55
and saying, yeah, we're going to go another
30:58
150 miles on this sprint.
31:00
And guess what?
31:01
You're going to do it.
31:02
You're going to do it.
31:03
My favorite worst word in the English language
31:05
is this word, again, again, again.
31:14
That's what we do.
31:16
I love the beauty of, you know, the
31:19
juxtaposition, like, you know, I often will say
31:23
I coach it or I teach adult confirmation
31:27
class.
31:28
And I'll often tell the people in the
31:30
class that it's this beautiful mystery that it's
31:36
through that Jesus heals us by his wounds,
31:39
right?
31:40
But it's through our own wounds as well
31:43
that we're healed.
31:45
So it's like there's this mystical meeting of
31:47
wounds, our wounds and the wounds of Jesus.
31:51
And through that is healing and salvation.
31:55
So I love the idea of like what
32:00
you're saying, your wounds are interior.
32:02
I agree with that.
32:04
And often they're hidden behind masks.
32:06
But when we expose those wounds to each
32:08
other and before God, vulnerable, vulnerability and transparency
32:13
is what bonds humans together.
32:16
That is what allows my marriage to grow
32:19
the best when I'm vulnerable and transparent.
32:24
And that's when they can be healed, when
32:26
they're in the light, only in the light,
32:28
when they're hidden away in shame, they're not
32:33
the devil's just got you in chains and
32:35
he can just continue to have his way
32:37
with you.
32:38
But once you put them out in the
32:39
light and other people to hold you accountable
32:42
and then then you have a chance.
32:45
That's one of the things I'm worried the
32:46
most about this, because there's some pretty serious
32:50
language that I can use when it comes
32:52
to this stuff that is not for public
32:56
consumption in regards to the sins of man
33:00
and the things we're all tempted by.
33:03
And in our small group discussion, we talk
33:06
about this, some of the struggles, especially the
33:09
younger guys have and the amount of grace.
33:13
Again, I mentioned this earlier that we received
33:16
by denying that temptation and coming closer to
33:19
the Lord is so much greater.
33:22
It's just hard to talk about them in
33:25
real terms.
33:26
It turns people off.
33:27
It's gross.
33:28
It's nasty.
33:29
It's disgusting.
33:30
It's horrific.
33:32
I can remember going through my divorce and
33:36
the amount of drinking and bar hopping that
33:41
I was doing.
33:41
I would look at myself in the mirror
33:44
at three o'clock in the morning in
33:45
my bathroom and think, I don't know a
33:47
single Catholic dad staring themselves in the mirror,
33:52
drunk out of their mind that I respect
33:55
and looked up to that is behaving like
33:57
this.
33:58
Yet here I am at J.
34:01
That's why I'm in recovery.
34:05
Yeah.
34:06
And then then Fiat, Fiat's the next one
34:09
saying yes.
34:11
Right.
34:11
At some time along that path, you said
34:16
yes.
34:16
And it's a series of yeses and it's
34:19
yes every day.
34:20
And it's a yes moment by moment.
34:22
But God will present to you healing.
34:28
I'll present to you a different path, a
34:31
different choice.
34:33
And that's why I think Fiat, you know,
34:35
the mother Mary showing us, saying yes, because
34:39
if you think about that situation that she
34:41
was in, that was not an easy yes.
34:44
I mean, you could, you could, a mere
34:47
mortal could talk themselves out of that.
34:49
Well, I'm betrothed.
34:50
What's everyone going to think?
34:52
Well, all these different things.
34:54
So that yes brought a lot of trial
34:56
with it.
34:58
But it's continuing to say yes.
35:00
Right.
35:00
Every day, like you say, you're in recovery.
35:02
That requires a yes.
35:03
Yeah.
35:05
You know, if if anybody watches this, you're
35:09
going to see this as kind of a
35:10
rambling conversation.
35:11
And I'm not necessarily sure if we've reached
35:14
the end of our time this afternoon, but
35:19
that's probably going to be how a lot
35:20
of this is.
35:21
And Marco and I have a chemistry when
35:25
it comes to a give and take.
35:26
And maybe if I let my guard down
35:28
a little bit and I'll talk a little
35:29
bit more openly about things at some point.
35:32
But you think we ought to wrap this
35:35
up?
35:35
Yeah, I think the last thing I'd say
35:36
is the Magnificat.
35:38
I mean, that's what we're doing.
35:40
We're praising.
35:41
You know, I'm here to praise God for
35:44
his work in my life.
35:45
What did you say the other day?
35:46
Less of me and more of Christ?
35:48
Yep.
35:49
Less of me.
35:50
When I'm weak, then I'm strong.
35:52
Empty me, empty ourselves out so that Christ
35:55
can fill us.
35:56
Yeah, absolutely.