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Killer Instinct · Everyone Has An Ex

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mother Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: is recorded on. This episode deals with domestic violence and miscarriage.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Listener discretion is advised. Not every relationship is perfect christ
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: none are, really, but some of far less perfect than others. Unfortunately,
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: though she didn't really see it at the time, that
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: was the type Alice found herself in.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Like little fights and little problems started to rear their head.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: And I had had one of my previous roommates put
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: me aside and say, you know, I'm noticing that you're
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: not happy or you're you know, you're fighting more, and
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: like he just doesn't care.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: But she loved him. Isn't that what we hear so often?
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: You let things slide, you ignore the little things in
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: pursuit of more of the great times. But what about
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: when they're not just little things anymore but insteaded something really,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: really big.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: I've just said to him, she's going to end up
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: ruining your life, Like this girl's going to jail.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Come with me As we dive into a collection of
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Alice's story
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: starts like many others before her, and no doubt like
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Minnie water Come. She was in her mid twenties and
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: had just gone through her first proper breakup, so decided
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: to branch out a little further and that's when she
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: met Ted.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: So I was a bit heartbroken, and that person was
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: still in my friend's group. So I was going out
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: and meeting new people just so I wasn't always around.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: And that's how I met Ted, just through some people
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: that I hadn't hung out with in a while to
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: hang out with them, and I met him and he
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: seemed really, really lovely. There was like a mutual friend
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: that was sort of like, oh, he's such a nice guy,
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: and I know you've been through a rough time and
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: he'll take care of your sort of thing. I was
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: still pretty much going out partying and having fun, and
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: he was at some of the parties and hey would
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: be like, he gave me his jumper because I was cold,
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: and hey, he didn't have a jumper for the whole
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: night and it was a cold night, and things like that.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: He took me out on a date and he brought roses.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: Kind of blown away by that. We went to the movies,
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: I think, and he brought like the movie ticket for
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: me without asking, and that had never really happened to
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: me before. So I was like, oh, you know, that's
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: so nice, and yeah, you know, it was just really
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: stayed really sweet. He wasn't the normal type of person
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: that I would date. He seemed a little bit nerdy,
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: and yeah, just seemed sweet. He wasn't in the thick
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: of it, if you know what I mean. At parties
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: and stuff. He was sort of just in the background
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: the best way I can describe it. But like if
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: he did anything, he was kind of quiet. But if
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: he did anything, it would be like he would jump
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: in and buy someone to drink and they didn't even ask,
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: or you know, if he went to a party, he
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: would just buy a cart and for everyone nobody had asked.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: He would come pick me up in his car and
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: you know, hey would take me out and he refused
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: to let me pay for anything. We went to like
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: a market and he saw me looking at something and
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: he just brought it, didn't as just brought it for me. See, Yeah,
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: I was sort of blown away because I'd always gone
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: halves in every other relationship or in some of the relationships,
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: like I was buying stuff for the guy because we
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: were all quite young and so some of the guys
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: was dating were still like doing apprenticeships and stuff. So yeah,
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: I was just sort of I'd never been treated like
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: that before.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: It's fair to say she was pretty smitten. So soon
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: enough they made it official.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: It sort of just happened. People were really happy for me.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: He hadn't been on a relationship for a very long
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: time for years and years, so people were really stoked
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: for him that he had a girlfriend and that we
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: were together, and people seemed really happy, and I was
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: really excited to introduce him to my friends, and they
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: seemed to really like him, and he just seemed like placid,
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: so like he would just get along with everyone. Because
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: obviously a lot of my friends were still friends with
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: my ex at the time, and our whole friendship group
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: we're all friends with each other. But yeah, so a
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: lot of I was a bit worried how that would go.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: But it was fine. Everyone was fine, so, you know,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: it just seemed easy and that sort of regard. So
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: we lived in Queensland, and we used to go like
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: out full driving a lot and camping and stuff. So
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: that was really enjoyable. And both his set of friends
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: and my set of friends were into that, so that
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: was good because we kind of all integrated. And then
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: more friendship sort of sprouted off that I lived out
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: of home and he didn't, and I'd been living on
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: my own for years and Hayde never moved out and
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: he wanted to move out, and so he moved in
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: with me within six months, and my roommate I thought
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: that was quite quick at the time, but then I
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, you know, it's obviously just the right thing,
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Like it's the right relationship. That's why it's happening so quick,
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: and that's why it feels right. It wasn't just the
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: two of us, it was a house full of roommates
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: as well, so yeah, but that I remember saying, like, oh, well,
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: you know, I would never have done that normally, but
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: it just feels right. It was fun because it was
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: a big party house. You know, we're in our twenties.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: We're all drinking all the time and partying and going
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: camping and for driving, and we lived out in the country,
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: so it was just this big group of friends always around.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: We were like a couple, but we were in this
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: big friendship group and there was always people around. And
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: we lived with a bunch of people. So we did
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: all these activities and they were fun and we enjoyed it,
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: and we were always out somewhere or doing something, but
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: there was always other people around.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: This was a heap of fun, but not really maintainable
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: long term. Well, I guess that depends on what you'd
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: consider long term. Alison Ted did this for five years
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: before they decided, right, it's time to grow up and
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: move out on our own.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah. We started looking found a house that we liked.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: It needed a lot of work. It was a fixer upper,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: but we discussed it and said, yeap, we can renovate
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: this and make it our house. And so so we
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: brought that and yeah, we moved in there. I was
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: really excited to have my own space. We did invite
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: like a couple of people to come live with us,
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: but once we had the house on our own, we
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: were like, oh, no, this is nice to have your
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: own place. So, yeah, it was. It was exciting and
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: I thought we're going to get in here. You know,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: you're so young, you don't realize how hard it is
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: to renovate a house, but you know, you think, oh,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: you're going to jump in there and renovate it and
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: it's going to be great, and you know, just really
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: it was only a small little house. But I remember
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: sitting in there with our friends after we moved in,
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: like eating pizza on the floor. We had no furniture,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: you know, we had a couple of things. You're thinking
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: about how big the house was. It's tiny, but you know,
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: I just remember like, oh, wow, this is our sort
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: of feeling. We moved in and straight away I painted
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: the house and we did a little rental of the
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: kitchen and all this sort of stuff. So I was
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: just really really excited, yeah, to make it our own
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: little house and make all our little memories there. And
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I wanted to like start traditions and stuff. You know,
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: we brought a house together. We were pretty serious. Probably the
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: next step was getting engaged and having kids and all
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: that sort of stuff. Yeah, just I think what society
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: expects of you is just kind of what we were
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: going along with.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: But things weren't all rosy. In fact, there had been
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: things that had happened a long time prior to them
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: buying their place. But not everyone's perfect.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: Right, And I had had one of my previous roommates
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: put me aside and say, like, you know, I'm noticing
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: that you're not happy or you're you know, you're fighting more.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: He just said like he'd noticed that I was really
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: upset and that he wasn't trading me right, and that
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: it was changing me as a person, and he was
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: a bit worried. And I agreed that it had changed me,
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: but I was very defensive of him. There was like
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: an incident where I had a friend give me a
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: heads up that he had been sharing naked photos of
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: me that he'd taken without my consent. Yeah, and so
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: when I confronted him, he just sort of like laughed
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: it off and was like, oh, the boys found him
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: on my phone and they just thought you looked really
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: hot and it wasn't a big deal. So my roommate,
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: seeing how upset I was, had pulled him aside and yeah,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: just things like that and just kind of acted like
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: it wasn't his fault when I found out I was
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: really upset, like I was really angry. And that was
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: actually probably only six months after we started living together
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: at that point, but he just said, oh, you know,
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: I took them while you were asleep because you look
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: so hot and you look so beautiful. And I didn't
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: realize that the boys had my phone and they shared
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: them around, and you know, I told them off and
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: I don't know why you're so upset sort of thing, like,
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: you know, I only took them because you looked so good,
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: and just yeah, sort of dismissed and made me feel
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: like I was overreacting. You know. I'd make excuses for
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: him a lot, like, you know, he just doesn't understand.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: He's not great with emotions, but he's a really nice guy,
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: because you know, he'd come back and he'd have a
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: bunch of flowers, or he'd write me a note saying
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: that he was sorry. You know, you think, oh, you know,
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: maybe I overreacted, or you know, he was with his
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: mates and he didn't want to look like a woofs
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: in front of his mates. Yeah, so when we moved
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: into our house, that started to get worse. Just a
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: few things that had happened where he'd been really disrespectful.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: He was like, well, you don't earn as much money
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: as me, so you need to do all the cooking
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: and cleaning essentially, but I was working full time, and look,
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: he did earn a fair bit more than me at
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: that point. He's probably on double what I was on.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: So in my mind, I was like, well, that just
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: makes sense because my mum did all the cooking and cleaning.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: But then like, I would cook the meal for him
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: and he wouldn't come home, but he wouldn't text me,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: and I'd be like, hey, dinner's ready, and no response,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: no respons Hours later, he'd come home and he'd had
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: takeaway from dinner because he'd gone to the pub with
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: his mates or something, and I'd obviously be upset because
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: I'd made him a meal. It's a disrespect thing, isn't it.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: It's like you don't value me enough to just say, hey, babe,
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to come home straight away. I probably
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: won't need dinner. That was very common. He allowed one
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: of his mates be really disrespectful to me and to
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: some of my friends. And I can't really say aloud
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: because his mate was doing that. He can't control his
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: friend's behavior, but he could control the way that he
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: reacted to it, and he would just let it happen.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: And that upset a lot of my friends, so they
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: pulled back from that part of his friendship group, and
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: it upset me to the point where I was, I
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: don't want to be around this person anymore because you're
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: allowing him to be nasty to me, and he's like,
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: just would make excuses for him. He could have just
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: stood up and said knock it off, and that's all
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: it would have took. So like that led to a
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: lot of fight. When things were really good, they were
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: really really good and it was great and we got
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: like a dog together and that was great and all
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: this sort of stuff. So I think that's what kept
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: me there, was those glimpses of that behavior, and then
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: you know, you go through like three month four month
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: period when everything was really really good and then it
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: would get bad, but then it would get good again.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: So I looked at us, Oh, this guy has some issues,
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: but we'll work through it together. Nobody's perfect, and why
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: would you just quit on someone if they're got these issues.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: To me, I was like, that's not what a relationship is.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: You work with each other and you grow together and
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: you support that person.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: So she did support him. She loved him and their
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: house and their life they were working to build, so
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: the next dage didn't come as a surprise.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: I think we've been living together two years. He'd been
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: hinting at it, and then one day we walked past
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: the jewelry store and hey, went, I'll go on pick
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: one out, so super exciting and picked out this beautiful
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: ring and he randomly proposed me one day on a
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: walk and you know, was really really happy and everyone
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: was really excited, and yeah, I was just really happy.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: But we got engaged. And then that night he's like, well,
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: I'm off to hang out with the boys. And I
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: went and hung out with the girls and they were like,
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: why aren't you with him? And I was like, oh,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: you know, we've got a birthday party to go to.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I thought thinking back and my why didn't
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: he just come to the party with me? You know,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: But that was normal. I think it become so normal
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: for him to do stuff like that that I just
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: thought that that was normal. It was a good wedding.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: It was massive, hundreds of people because he's from like
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: a background where family is like a big thing. It
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: was a really great day, had lots of fun. You know,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: I couldn't stop smiling but even on the wedding day,
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: like there was behavior that people noticed that They were like,
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: we all got pretty drunk, like, you know, towards the end,
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: and then we did our dance late, and because neither
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: of us knows how to dance, so we were like, oh,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: we'll leave it till last minute, so no one notices
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: because they had something to drink. That was the game plan.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: And then we get to it and he's just grabbing
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: my ass really hard, and I was like, oh whatever,
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: you know, a bit cheeky, and I kept telling him,
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: you need to stop. Everyone's watching us, photographer, your video people,
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: you know, and he just kept doing it. But it
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: was like hurting with how hard he was grabbing it.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: And my friends did notice that and they were like,
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: that was a bit shit for him to do that.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: You got all your family and everyone there and he's
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: just grabbing your ass and acting like an idiot, you know,
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: taking it too far. But I mean, other than that,
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: it was great. Yeah, we had a really, really, really
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: fun time.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: So Alis and Ted were married, and well that's usually
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: the time a couple may settled down even more become
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: a really solid duo. That took a bit of a
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: back seat when one of Alice's best friends needed her.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: I had actually known Gypsy longer than him. I met
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: her she moved into state. We both ended up working
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: together for a little while. She didn't know anyone, and
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I just felt a bit sorry for her. So I said, oh,
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: I've got you know, let's back when I hadn't even
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: met him, when I was with my previous boyfriend, I said, come,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: We've got a party on. You want to come with
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: your friends and your partner, And so they came and
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: we just became really close. So she was actually in
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: our wedding party and gave a speech on the night
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: and just you know, thanked me for you know, being
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: such a good friend. And you know, she didn't know
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: anyone when she moved here. She'd told me she'd been
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: having issues with her partner for a good couple of years,
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: two three years, and had been wanting to leave him,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: and I felt like it was coming to a head,
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: and she seemed really unhappy. And she lived fair distance
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: from us as well, So I was worried because I
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: felt like she was so isolated and she didn't have anyone.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: She'd really pulled back from anyone else, and so I
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: had said to Ted, do you mind if she moves
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: in with us? I think her and her partner are
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: going to break up? And he was just indifferent. He
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: was like, yeah, whatever. So she never moved in. She
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: never took us up on that. She was still with
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: her partner. I'm not the kind of person who get involved.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: I didn't think it was my place. I just let
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: her know that she had somewhere to go. She needed
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: to go somewhere. She was unhappy at a job as well,
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: and there was a job coming up at Ted's work
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: that I thought she'd be really good for, so I
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: suggested that she apply for it. And I had said
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: to her, you can move in with us if you
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: leave your partner. Yeah. She applied for the job, She
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: got the job, and we started hanging out more and
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: that was really really fun. And it was a little
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: bit selfish for me, really because I wanted her closer
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: because we were good friends. So it was really fun.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: We'd hang out, heapes se her all the time, and
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: she was in a better job, she was making more money.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: That was great, and the marriage at this time we
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: were happy. I'd say we were happy. He wasn't really
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: pulling all the old stuff that he used to do.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Occasionally would, but I mean he'd still I'd clean the
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: whole house and he'd come home and be like, we
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: didn't get to this, you know, he'd find the one
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: thing I didn't get to and yeah, and there've been
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: like instances where he'd got like really drunk and like
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: pushed me. It wasn't like every week, it wasn't even
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: every month, wasn't even every other month. Like it was
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: really sporadic. So I was just like, you know, he
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: just got really drunk and he won't get that drunk
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: again sort of thing. You know. I thought it was fine.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: I thought that that was you know, a normal relationship
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: and you don't talk about that stuff. We had talked
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: about kids, and we were just whatever happened happened. And
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: I'd had like a few miscarriages and fertility issues that
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I ended up in hospital for one of them. So yeah,
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: you know, we just had had that chat that if
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: it didn't happen, he wasn't fussed, and I wasn't fussed.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: He just seemed indifferent. When I went to the hospital,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: I was really upset. I actually got the priest out
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: at the hospital to talk to me because I was
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: so upset and he just seemed indifferent, and even for
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: the follow up appointments after he wouldn't take time for
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: it to take me to them, so I ended up
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: having friends take me to those appointments and family. I
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: just thought at the time that it was difficult for
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: him and he didn't know how to express it. So
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: I just gave him a pass on that, and in
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: saying that, I just joke about it, Like I used
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: dark humor for everything, so we would just joke about it,
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: you know how a couple of friends reach out and
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: I just said, oh, you know, it's fine, like it
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: is what it is, it's not meant to be, it's
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: not meant to be sort of thing, and just joked
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: about it. So that's sort of how I deal with things.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: And then, because life can be incredibly cruel in this way,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: she even felt her best friend Gypsy still have to
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: become a bit more distant too, and.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: I started seeing her less and she's just like, oh,
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm busy and it's a long drive. And
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: he would come home late and he's like, we're so
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: busy at work. You know, I have to do it
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: all this overtime, and she's saying the same thing to me, like,
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: it's so busy, it's so crazy. And then I started
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: to have friends say oh, I saw Ted with a
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: girl at the pub and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's Gypsy,
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: you know, cause oh she had this color hair. Yet,
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: oh that's Gypsy. They work together, you know. But I
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: was like, why are they going to the pub without me?
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: So I asked him about it. He's like, oh, it
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: was just one beer. By the time he got out there,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: we would have been one and done fair enough, you know.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: And I did ask her about it, and she would
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: put it on him. She'd be like, yeah, it was
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: weird because I asked him why did he invite you out?
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: And he'd said, like you were busy or you know.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: I did ask where you were and he said you
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: couldn't come, and things like that. I'm getting annoyed at
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: him and her for not including me, but I'm not.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: My brain didn't go anywhere else. She knew the troubles
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: with a lot of what we've been through, so she
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: knew the stuff that he'd done. I was like, there's
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: no way that she would do that to me. I
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: was like, he's a bit sleazy. I could see him trying,
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: but not with her, like they've known each other over
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: ten years, Like there's nothing there, you know, like she
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: never ever found him attractive, Like you know, she'd make
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: jokes and stuff to his detriment, you know, while we're
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: all friends, and couldn't understand why I put up with
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: him and things like that. So I just didn't see
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: it as being a possibility.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: While Ted had been better recently, Alice soon started noticing
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: a shift back to his indifferent ways. It sadly wasn't uncommon,
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: but it had been a while since he's been like this,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: and it all came to her head one night when
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: Alice came home from work really sick.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: I was throwing up uncontrollably. I was in pain, and
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: I was in bed, and he came home and I
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, I really don't feel well, and he's like, okay,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: don't go near me. And I'm like, I'm really sick.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: I think I need to go to the hospital and
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: he's like, oh, okay, and so he dropped me off
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: and he said, oh, I can't come in with you
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: because I have to go to bed early for work.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: So I got a lot on at work, and I
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: was like, yep, okay. Because he'd never really come in
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: with me to hospital before anyway, I thought that was normal.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: So I walked myself into an emergency, but I didn't
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: assist that burst and ended up with internal bleeding.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: What Alice needed most was support from Ted and Gipsy,
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: but they clearly didn't get the memo.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: So I got admitted for a good couple of days.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: And then I found out because obviously I told her
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: what was going on because she's my friend and we're talking.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: And I found out that he'd actually just gone home
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: and played PlayStation with her till like midnight. And I
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, you know, he taught me I had
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: to go to bed early. She's like, oh, that's so
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: weird because he was up late playing PlayStation with me.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: Got out of hospital and he had like a work
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: function that he wanted to go to, and I wasn't
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: meant to be driving because the drugs I was on,
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: but he was winging because he would have to get
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: an uber and blah blah blah, So I not driving
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: him there, and she was there and she sent me
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: a message and said, are you going to come in
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: for a drink and I said, no, I really don't
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: feel well. That night, I woke up at like twelve
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: in pain, and I was like, oh, you know he'll
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: be home soon because it's twelve o'clock and they're in
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: the city, so you know he's probably gone out to
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: nightclubs and stuff, and you know they close around two am,
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: so if he's not home by like three am, then
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: I'm worry. Gets to three and he's not answering his phone,
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: he's not answering his text. I messaged her around like
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: six or something, and I was like, what happened? Because
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: is he with someone? You know, you're my best friend.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: You have to tell me if something's going on. And
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: she's like, oh, that's so weird. Like no, he went
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: home and I went home and I don't know what's
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: going on. I was like, Okay, something's happening. He's not
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: come home and then he get hold of me until
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: late in the morning and he's like, oh, I just
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: decided to walk home because you know, I wanted to
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: go for a walk. So then he comes in with
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: like flowers and stuff, and it's like, what's going on on? Nothing,
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: I just you know, I just got really drunk and
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: decided to go for a walks whatever. A week later,
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: he told me that he wasn't sure about our marriage
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: anymore and he didn't know what he wanted. Kind of
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: made it sound like he was having a midlife crisis.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: So I was like, well, we can go to counseling
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: and we can do this, and do you want to
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: buy a new fool drive? Do you want to go
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: on a trip? Like what do you want to do?
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: We'll do it. And then Hey just said, oh no,
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: I think I want a divorce. And I was like,
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: I don't understand. Is it the kids thing? And he's like,
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, yeah, it's the kids thing, like you can't
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: have kids. And I was like, well, we haven't even
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: looked at options of trying, like we can try, and
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: he's like, nah, no, you know I love you, but
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: I'm not in love with you anymore. I was devastated.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: I was absolutely devastated, and you know, I just thought
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: like I'm stuffed, Like it's a housing crisis. I was
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: off sick from work, I wasn't earning any money. I
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: just got out of hospital. The next day. I got
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: all these notifications that any money that he was putting
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: into the bills under my name had been all the
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: direct debits had been stopped like the next day, and
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: I'm like, we haven't even decided what we're doing yet,
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: Like you're saying you're feeling like this and that's fine,
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: and let's talk about it and let's try and work
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: it out, because I don't just want to throw this
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: away because you're unsure in yourself. Because he wasn't saying
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: like I hate you and I don't want to be
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: with you, and he was saying that he just felt
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: like something was missing and he wasn't sure what it was.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: So you know, my mind instantly went to the kids thing,
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: because you know, our friends are staying it have families
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: and we're not. And I'd just been in hospital with
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: fertility issues, so maybe that's the issue. So that's sort
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: of where my brain went. I wanted us to go
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: to counseling, and during this time, like I'm trying to
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: figure it out. I'm trying to figure out what we're
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: going to do. Because I even said to him, like,
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: because he'd been talking about buying an investment property, I
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: was like, do you want to buy an investment property
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: and do like a trial separation, and then one of
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: us will take that and one of us will keep
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: this doesn't work out, I don't want to just throw
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: in the towel, like I love you, I love our family,
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: I love you. I was very close to his family,
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: so you know that was devastating to me. So yeah,
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: I was just I don't want to just throw this
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: away if you're just having a midlife crisis, which is
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: kind of what he was saying he was having because
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: he's saying, oh, no, I love you, I just want out,
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: and then it changed to her, I love you, but
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not in love with you.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: It was confusing and heartbreaking and hurtful. So what do
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: we do as females during times like these?
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: We turn to our friends, And obviously I told her
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: that we'd broken up, and I wanted to hang out
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: with her because she was one of the people that
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: I really could talk to, and she had known, like
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: I really hadn't shared how he was treating me to
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: others people, but I'd shared it with her some of it,
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: so she knew about a lot of it, and it
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: actually defended me at times to him. So I wanted
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: to hang out there, and she's like, oh, I'm busy
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: and busy at work. One day, I had like a
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: social meetup with a bunch of really awesome girls. I
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: was going there, and because we're out in the country,
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: we have like big road trains, and to avoid them,
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: I went the backway which went past one of these pubs,
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: and I saw both their cars at this pub, and
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: so I just took a photo and I messaged her
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: and I said, hey, how are you? You know because
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: she told me she was going to go shopping for something.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: I said, how the shopping go? Oh? I didn't go.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: I just went straight home and went to bed. I
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: was so tired. I was okay, so said to the picture.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: I said, well, I drove past the pub and you're
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: there with him. Oh, I only went for one. You know.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: He felt sad and I didn't want to tell you
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: because I didn't want to upset you. And I was like, well,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: I'm the one you know that he's broken up with.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: I need you. You're my friend. Why he's spending so
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: much time with him? She's like, well, I work with him.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: And I was like, that's fine. You can work with him,
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: you can be friends, but I need you right now.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: So he organized to catch up, and during that time,
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: I'd also organize counseling with him, and I had started
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: to think that maybe something had happened, like a drunken
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: kiss or something, and that Hayard ended it because he
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: felt bad and she didn't want to tell me because
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: she felt bad, And I was like, if that's happened,
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: I want to know, because it's going to affect my
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: friendship with her. At that point, I felt like our
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: relationship could recover from that. But I also I just
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: wanted to go to counseling because I felt like maybe
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: that would be like a safe space for him to
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: admit that, because it was just important to me that
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: I knew the truth of why my marriage had just
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: suddenly ended. So he went to counseling and her was
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: just nasty and and different. I could see it, like
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: on the counselor's face. He was like, he just said, like,
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: this is not a relationship that's going to recover. I
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: actually message a few divorced friends who had managed to
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: keep the same friendship group, said how did you do it?
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: You know, I suspect something might be gone going on.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: I know, actually caught up with one of them for
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: coffee just chatted about it because that to me, it
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: was really important because we had a really close knit
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: friendship group and I was really worried how it was
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: going to affect them because no one knew yet. Yeah,
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I was just trying to figure out. We had some dogs,
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: so I was like trying to figure out how we
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: want to share custody of the dogs. Like in my brain,
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: we were going to like do weekend drop offs and stuff,
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: and that's where I was going, like how do we
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: make this work? But also I was in panic mode
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: because I just spent over ten years with this guy,
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: with him telling me that I was never going to
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: be any good financially, that I had a dead end job,
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: that I was never you know, he'd say those things
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: were like you should have got a better education when
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: you left school, and you should have done this, and
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: you know, you don't earn enough for money, and just
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: things like that. I mean, when we did look at
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: having kids, he told me I had to give all
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: the money to him and he would give me an
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: allowance because I spent too much money, and that I
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: would just use a kid to stay at home and
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: not work, which is really really like one having a
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: kid I feel like is work. And two, I grew
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: up with a single mom for most of my life,
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: so that just didn't compute with me. It's like, you
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: go to work even if you have kids, like you
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: just do it. Even when I got back from the hospital,
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: he was like, oh, I know this really affected you,
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: but you wouldn't have been a great mum. I was
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: just in this mode of like, how am I going
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: to survive on my own? And at the same time
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: talking to Gypsy and she's like, well, maybe we can
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: get a rental together, you know, and I was like, yeah,
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: we could do that. That'd be great. You know. I
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: was trying to make the best of it. So I
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: was like, we'll be two single girls out in the town, like,
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: we'll have a great time. So we went to this
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: counseling thing and I'd organized to catch up with her
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: that day and so we went to a pub and
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: you know, she's like, how did it go? And I said, oh,
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: it's over, Like it's definitely over. And during that counseling session,
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: i'd actually said, are you having an affair with Gypsy?
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: And he'd said, I've had an emotional affair with her,
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: but she doesn't know about it, and I was like, okay,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: you know, he's obviously into her, and she's got no idea.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: So I told her, look, he said he's having an
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: emotional affair with you. And I said to her face, like,
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: if you're together, or you want to be together, we're
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: not going to be friends. Like it's just not going
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: to I'm not going to be able to get over that,
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: So you need to tell me now. But whatever you
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: tell me now, I will believe you and we'll move on.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: And she's like, no, I had no idea. And you know,
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: I thought he was like, you know, a bit flirty
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: with me, but I have been flirting back, and I'm
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: so mad at him, and I'm going to have a
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: goal at him. And I was like, you don't have
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: to have a go at him. Just don't encourage him.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: I said, if you're hanging out with him one on
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: one and he's got the wrong idea, then you're encouraging him.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: So you just need to have that conversation with him.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: And she's like, oh, yeah, I will, And I was like,
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: that's fine, I believe you. Like let's move on, Let's
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: have a great night, because this, you know, this is
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: a really important friendship to me. Anyway, we went out,
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: he had a great night, and I said, come back
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: to mine for some drinks and she's like, oh, I said,
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: he's not going to be there because he had just
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: been since he' that he wanted out. He was just
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: going out for days at a time and not coming back.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: And I was just like, okay, I guess it's awkward.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: So she came over and we were drinking, and normally
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: she would stay at the night if you know, we
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: were on the piss and she's like, oh, I'm going
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: to go now, and I was like, no, you too drunk,
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: Like we were both drunk, and she's like no, no, no,
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: I haven't had that much. It's you that's been drinking.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: I've been keeping an eye on things because I have
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: to drive. I was like, are you sure you're right.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: She's like yeah. I was like okay, well text me
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: when you get home. She left, and I remember feeling
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: really really lonely at that point because I was like, oh,
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: I'm getting divorced. It's just yeah. I just felt really sad,
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: but I went to bed. I had like plans to
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: catch up with friends the next day and they didn't
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: know yet, so I actually told them that day and
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: they were really shocked. But it is what it is,
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: and we're going to try and make the best of it,
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: and I don't want you to pick side. During the day,
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: I see in news report and it's the description of
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Gypsy's car, a female her age that has hit and
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: killed a cyclist. So I messaged her. I'm like, are
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: you okay to get home? All right? Because she never messaged,
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: don't get a response, messaged her again, I'm like, hey, like,
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: I'm just like a bit freaked out. I've seen this
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: news report. She had a distinctive car, so it went
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: many a round and you know, you okay, She's like
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: came back. So then I was like, showed my friends
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: the news report and they're like, that's her car, and
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: I'm like, it is her car, isn't it. So I
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: ended up messaging her mum because I was quite close
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: to her family, and her mom said, yep, she's been
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: on an accident. She's okay, I'll let her know. And
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: then she's messaged me from a different number because the
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: police had taken her phone and said, you know, I
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: was in this awfulax. So I don't want to talk
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: about it, and I was just like, my brain's like,
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: she's going to jail. I went back through the photos
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: from the night and I was like, we were drunk, Like
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: she should have stayed. I just feel so bad for her.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I'm telling her like, you know, you're a good person.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: I'll be here for you. But in the back of
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: my brain, I'm like, I'm gonna be visiting her in
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: a cell in like a year's time. Her life's over.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: She's killed someone. It's a rural community, it's tight knit,
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: people are fighting out, they're recognizing her car. She didn't
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: know what had been on the news, so I mentioned
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: that to her and yeah, it was bad. So then
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: I was like, I need to root my ex because
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: he's obviously into her, but also he's her friend and
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: he needs to know. Haven't seen him for days and
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: ring him and he it'swer the phone and I'm like,
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: where are you because it was weird and echo He's like, Oh,
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: I'm at a hotel. Like why are you at a hotel?
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: He's like, Oh, I had a work function and I
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: just decided to stay at a hotel easier. I talked
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: to him about it and he's like, oh, you know,
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: we just need a support her as best as we can.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: And I was like, yep, yep, and I'm asking her,
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: like texting her at the same time. And then later
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: on find out that they were at that hotel together.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: He he's an idiot and didn't realize that his uber
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: account was connected to my email, so I got the
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: receipt of their meal in my inbox. So I just thought,
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: you know what, I'm just going to message her, said, Hi,
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: is ted with you? She's like, oh yeah, he just
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: came to check on me and we just ended up,
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: you know, going out. Three days after she killed this cyclist,
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: she was at a pub and I was like, in disbelief.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: I've had enough. So I messaged her ex partner and
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: I said, are they having an affair? And he's like yes,
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: I can't believe they would do this to us.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: She was in shock. While all the signs had been there,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: she was certain it couldn't be true. Her best friend
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: one of her bride's maids at their wedding. She tried
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: to call Gypsy for an explanation, but of course she
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: didn't answer, so she sent her a text saying, I
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: know what's been going on.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: And she's like Yeah, okay, I understand and blocked me
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: on every social media platform. Yeah, just like that. I
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: can't deal with this right now, I really can't, but
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: I understand your decision, was what she wrote, and yeah,
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: blocked me on everything. I mean, he'd have been staring
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: me in the face, and my friends had been very
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: gently trying to tell me. Again, the small rural town,
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: everybody knows everyone, and everybody knows everyone's business. But I
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: just didn't want to see it because those are two
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: of the people that I cared about the most, and
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: they've just done this horrific thing. So then I messaged
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: him and I said, I know she's told me, her
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: ex has told me. We need to talk about this.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: He didn't come home for a couple of days, and
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: I obviously knew at that point that he was with her,
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: because I had started talking to her ex partner and
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: he's like, she's not here, and I was like cool. So,
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: you know, he came home and I was just like,
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: she was my best friend. How could you do this.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh, we didn't want to tell you because
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: we didn't want to hurt you, And I'm like, no,
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: you didn't want to tell me because you knew you
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: were doing the wrong thing. Why couldn't you have at
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: least been honest. And I just said to him, she's
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: going to end up ruining your life, like, this girl's
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: going to jail. At that point, the police had been
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: in contact with me because they knew I was the
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: last person with her, and I just said, here's all
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: the texts that she sent me afterwards. Someone's died. She
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: was drunk. I was drunk. I asked her to stay.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: Here's the text proving that. Here's the photos that we'd
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: taken that night. And you know, I had actually said
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: to the cop, I think she's having an affair with
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: my husband, and he said, yeah, I did see that.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: I'm really sorry about that. So the cops had confirmed
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: it as well. So I told him, like, I've talked
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: to the police. You know, this girl's going to jail.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: Don't ruin your life over her. And I still cared
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: about him. I didn't. He said, oh, you know, don't
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: tell anyone about this, and I said, I'm not going
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: to lie. You need to be a big boy, you know,
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: and face what you've done. And a couple of friends,
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: I think at that point, had already started to click
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: on to it. Anyway, it wasn't a good relationship, but
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: it came out of the blue, and so everyone was
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: very shocked and was like, something's happened, something's happened for
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: this to occur. And the way that he was just
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: acting fine about it, Like one of my friends tried
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: to talk to him about it and he told her, oh,
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: you know, I love I love her, but I am
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: million in love with her. But he was just indifferent.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: And they're like, this guy seems fine. How is he
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: so fine? And one of my good guy mates who
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: was also used to be his mate, was late, is
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: because he's moved on at he's got another girl. That's
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: why it's fine, and he's already ended it in his
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: head and moved on. He actually asked him about it,
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: and he was like, oh, I didn't sleep with her
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: till after I ended the relationship, you know, And if
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: that's your answer, you know, if that's the best answer
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: you can give, Like, that's not a good answer regardless.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: At this point, we're thinking, you know, she might be
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: charged with murdering someone or killing someone or manslaughter or something,
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: and hey, he's worried. You know that people are going
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: to judge him for having an affair. Also during that time,
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: her car was obviously written off. Suddenly a new car
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: turns up in our driveway. Obviously, when I found out,
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want her coming around the house.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: Let's get this sorted as quick as possible. I don't
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: want to be in here with you. You don't want
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: to be in here with me. Let's just get it sorted.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: But I did say to him, I'm not I'm not
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: going to lie for you, and he didn't take that well. So,
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: you know, he just started being nasty and I was
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: trying to avoid him and he was trying to avoid me.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: And we were in separate rooms by that point. We
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: had like a doorbell camera, and I'd seen he was
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: downloading conversations because I was talking to my sister a
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: lot on the phone and I'd been talking to her
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: as i'd come in the house, and he downloaded. It
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: gave me an alert, and I was like, look, that
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: conversation wasn't it wasn't private, Like I was nothing I
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: hadn't chatted to him about already. But I was like,
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: that's weird. I'd said, look, I'm spoken to a lawyer
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: and this is what I think, And he didn't want
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: me to go see a lawyer. Later found out he
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: already had a lawyer, but he was sending messages trying
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: to convince me not to go to a lawyer. And
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: then he sent me these messages saying like, oh, you know,
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: I remember you used to be abusive to me. I
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: was like, what do you want about? I was like,
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: you know what, I don't even want to be with
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: you anymore, Like you were accusing me of things that
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: basically you were doing to me. And he didn't know,
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: but I had photos and stuff from years were things
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: that had happened squirreled away. So I was like, what
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: do you want to just ignored it? Just weird things
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: and just looking back. He was trying to set me
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: up to say something, but I wasn't biting, and he's
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: muttering things under his breath like oh, she's a better
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: route than you, and stuff, just trying to get me
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: to get angry. So again, you know, i'd gone outside
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: at that point. He came outside started cooking his dinner
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: out in the barbecue, so I went back inside. Then
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: he comes back inside and he's just pecking away, just
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: trying to get me to react, and he's like, you're
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: still walking and I was like, I'm not stalking. He's like,
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: you've got a stalking group talking about the girls social
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: club group. And I was like, if my friends are
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: at a pub and they see you out, that's not stalking.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: It's a small town. People are going to talk, you know.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: If you're an idiot to go to all the pub
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: then people are going to see you. But what he
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: was trying to do was trying to get me to
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: buy it and say that yes, I am stalking and stuff.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: He was trying to get a reaction. I even send
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: out like a message to a bunch of people like
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: I don't want you to hate him, like he's done
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: what he's done and he's going to have to deal
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: with those consequences. But I don't want you to just
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: hate him because I was I don't know why. I
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: just felt bad, Like you know, I didn't want to
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: have a whole friendship group torn apart. Anyway. One morning,
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: there's a card in the door from the police asking
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: me to go down to talk to them, and I
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: just figured they wanted a formal statement in relation to
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: it was only a couple of weeks after what had happened,
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: I went to the police station and they throw two
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: restraining orders at me. He and her had gone and
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: got restraining orders against me. I didn't understand how restraining
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: orders work, so I'm like, how has this happened? Like
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: I haven't done anything. I was really upset, like I
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: was crying hysterically because I was like, my dogs are there,
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: like they're my babies, My horses are there, like all
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: my animals are there and I can't. He's saying, like
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: you can't go there. They are all not even with
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: the police escort. I had my medication from the hospital there,
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: but I wasn't supposed to stop, so I just was homeless.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: I had my clothes and my wallet and yeah, just
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: instantly like I was like what, like how is this
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: even leakal.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: But it was taned and Gypsy had gone to the
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: police saying they didn't trust Alice in the house or
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: anywhere near them, so the police granted them an order.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: Would have to be up to her to try to
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: fight to get it removed.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: My lawyers like, we need to get her stuff. I
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: don't understand why that's not in there, that she could
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: get her stuff, but he literally put a clause in
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: there that everything was to be left up to property settlement.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: He had a complete power over all of that assets.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: And even like right after you know, he'd asked the separation,
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: he'd locked a bunch of money up in a safe,
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: he'd locked the shed doors. I couldn't get into the
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: shed where all his tools were for his trade and stuff.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: So he'd already like it was all these steps ahead,
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: and I just thought like, oh, that's weird. You know,
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: I wasn't there yet because I was still coming to
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: terms the fact that we were breaking up. I couldn't go, hey,
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: I can't go there. Can you go there? That would
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: be a breach of the order. I couldn't get anyone
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: to do anything on my behalf. I had to get
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: lawyers involved. So I had to pay for lawyers to
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: get involved, because the only other way I would have
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: been able to do that is like go to court
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: and wait for a court day. So I had to
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: get lawyers involved to get that sorted. I couldn't just
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: send a friend around finally get a court day, you know,
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: this months later to get in there. And you know,
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: the core system's really long drawn out and easily abused.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: We went in for this thing. I was like, can
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: we just get rid of it? Because all the things
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: that he had said, Like he said I didn't pay
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: any money into the mortgage, which wasn't true. I had
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: proof that it was. You know. I had text messages asked, hey,
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: what's the mortgage account details? So you know, I had
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: all this stuff, you know, And then he'd said like
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: I was talking him and I was like, well, I
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: have all these people that are going to come forward
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: and say no, we just saw them out. We told
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: her about it and all these things. I found out
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: when he'd picked that fight with me that he'd actually
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: secretly filmed me, which is illegal. You can't film someone
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: in their home without their consent, but he was obviously
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: just trying to He'd said that that was his evidence.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: It's bad enough they found out that he's had an affair,
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: but now he's done this, And it was just so cowardly, like, well,
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: you're so worried that it's getting out that you're having
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: an affair that you're going to try to shut me
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: up with a training order. I couldn't believe that you
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: could just go in, say someone's abusing me and get
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: given an order that makes them homeless with no proof.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: It's a system that's designed to protect people really quickly,
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: but it opens it up to being used to abuse people. Yeah,
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: and it's apparently. My lawyers were like, oh, yeah, this
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: happens all the time, especially in divorces, because it gives
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: someone the power to all the assets and then find
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: out that she's moved in. And so he's fighting really
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: hard because we go to this court hearing and you know,
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: I thought we would just be able to present all
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: this evidence and they would get rid of it. Doesn't
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: work that way. We have to ask for a variation
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: and we have to wait for trial for it to
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: go away. So they actually made a variation for me
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: to go there to the house, which he obviously wasn't
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: happy about, and he would just make it so difficult.
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: And you know, the first time I tried to go there,
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: he was just making all these rules and stuff, and
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: my lawyer's talking to him and he's like, the magistrates
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: ordered this. You're disobeying a court order, you know, because
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: he's saying he wants to be there, and I was like,
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: I don't want to go near him. Like he's trying
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: to engage me in a conflict. I don't want to
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: go there when he's there. So the first time I
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: couldn't go. Then he's like, I want to be able
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: to film her when she goes there, and I want
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: to have a person there at all times. And he
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: kept nominating like gypsies, family members, and he would make
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: it so difficult for me to go to the house
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: and I still couldn't take like I had nothing. I
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: was staying with friends, but I couldn't stay like I
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: was in a room. I couldn't stay there long term.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: I felt really awful because I'm putting them in the
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: middle of this, and I don't want them to be
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: in the middle of this. But he's every time I
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: would pick someone, he'd find a reason that he didn't
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: like them, so then I'd have to pick another person.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: And it was just horrific, and I'm like, I remember
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: the first time I went to court, my lawyers like
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: don't look at him, and I couldn't help, but like, sneek,
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: you look at because I'm like, how are you doing
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: this to me? Like I care about you and I
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: was defending you even when you'd had an affair. I'm
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: saying that people don't hate him like you know, he's
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: going to have to deal with what he's done. And
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: you've done this just because you're too cowardly to admit
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: to you having an affair.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: And from there it's somehow got even worse.
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: He's out and proud with her at this point. I
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: remember being like out with a friend at the pub
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: across the road. They had parked up, seen us and
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: walked across and walked in and came up to us.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: He's got a restraining order because he's claimed that I'm
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: abusive and I'm stalking him, and he's afraid of me.
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: He's smirking and laughing. So we had to get up
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: and leave our dinner at our drinks and leave because
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: otherwise I'd be breaching the order. That's not the actions
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: of someone that's afraid. You know. During all this, he's
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: sending me emails, Hey, your work stuff's here, When are
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: you going to come get it? One of the pets
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: has died. I'm home all day. Do you want to
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: come and get your stuff that I know you need
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: for work? So he was trying to entice the breach.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: He was very big on his like good guy image
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: and that was about to get trashed, but in getting
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: restraining order, he trashed it even more than I ever
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: possibly could have because people were shocked, and I think
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: at first people didn't want to pick sides. But you know,
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: actions speak louder than words, and something I noticed he
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: would always say the right thing, but the actions he
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: did were completely different. So he might say one thing,
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: but the things he was doing. My friends are seeing
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: me distraught, you know, upset, crying, and he's out making
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: jokes apparently on Facebook about me. How he's free TOI
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: could do what he wants and stuff, and people like
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: your wife's homeless. Had a friend that had like a
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: farm with a shed on it. Must moved into the shed.
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: I didn't have any running water, I didn't have a kitchen.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: Like my friends all banded together. They made like a
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: pump system to pump water from a water tank like
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: a couple of ac way to the house and got
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: me some vouchers to get closed furniture. So you know,
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: I'm very very lucky. You know that whole time, I'm
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: getting nasty emails from his lawyer, and you know, I'm
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: trying to get him to disclose, and he's not disclosing.
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: We're just going back and forth. Like I was terrified
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: because my lawyer is like, he's trying to get you
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: to breach, you know, and the police will arrest you
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: and they'll ask questions later. So you know, I'd go
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: to the shops and I'd take a picture of my
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: car so that if he saw my car shops and
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: parked next to me, he couldn't say that I'd park
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: next to him, and just things like that. I was
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: so paranoid for so long. The trial was set for
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: six months away, which apparently is a quick turnaround. So
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: with a restraining order, it's an intram order and you
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: can object and if you object, then it goes to
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: a it's called like a final hearing, and it's basically
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: where you would present all your evidence and they would
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: decide whether the order became final or if it was dismissed.
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: So I objected, and in the meantime, we had what
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: are they called a variance or something to the order
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: because he had misled the court. But in my mind,
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: it's like, why can't I just get rid of it.
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: I've proved that he's led on this and this and this,
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: you know, but a variation. Sorry it's called But so
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: I had to wait and we get days out and
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: he just goes, you know what, I'm going to drop it.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: And I was so angry. So he dropped it, and
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: I wanted me to sign like an undertaking, which is
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: just a fancy word for a promise that is, I
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: promise I won't go near you, promise you won't go
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: near me. And I was so upset, and so is
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: my family and stuff. And the lawyers were like, look new,
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: we knew this is this is common. Hayes got nothing,
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: you know, because we'd ask for his evidence and he'd
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: refused to give it to us. And I was so angry.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: I was like, no, I want to go to trial,
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: like I've got all these people ready to speak, I've
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: got all this evidence, I've got evidence that he's actually
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: abused me. I was like, you know, I want to
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: go in there and prove like you've accused me of
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: these horrible things. I want to prove it. But my
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: lawyers were like, there's no point you're going to get
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: to court to stand up and say he's happy to
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: drop it, and the magistrate's going to say, why are
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: you wasting my time? It was so frustrating that people
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: can ruin someone else's life and not have to answer
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: for it. Why wasn't He asked, why you withdrawing it?
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: You've kept it on for this long. And I couldn't
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: just go back to the house because he changed the
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: locks and he'd moved her in, and not that I
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: would want to, but you know what I mean. Like,
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: so she dropped hers like a day later, so they
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: both dropped them before trial. Finally, a couple months later,
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: was able to go get all my stuff, and you know,
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: he's insisting that I'm not allowed to pack it, and
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: I'm not allowed to touch it. He insisted on packing.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: So I get my stuff. It's always thrown in a heat.
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: A bunch of stuff's broken, and there's when I get
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: home and I'm unpacking, there's dog shit and a threat
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: in one of the boxes. I went to the police station.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: I gave them all that evidence, so like, do you
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: want to charge plus the threat dog feces? Like do
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: you want to And I was like no, I just
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: want him to live alone. It took a bit of
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: convincing for them to get me to get a restraining
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: order because I was like, this was this horrible thing
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: that was done to me, and I don't want to
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: do that to someone else, and I don't want to
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: be that person. But they're like, you're not getting it
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: for the wrong reasons. You're getting it for the right reasons.
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: You know, he was using it as a sword, you're
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: using it as a shield. So I went and got
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: the restraining order, and you know, he got served. So
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: he agreed to they call like a consent order. It's
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: basically a restraining order. It's just with no admissions. So
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: he agreed to that. And meanwhile, I'm still trying to
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: get the money side, like property side resolved, because I'm
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: living in a shed until I can get this sorted.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: He's spending money, like there's no tomorrow out of our mortgage.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: They're going on holidays and stuff, and I'm like, and also,
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: she's killed someone. So in the middle of all of this,
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: the whole town's pissed off. They're seeing them out, they're angry,
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: they're talking. People coming up to me. I heard what
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: happened to that, so you know, fuck, that's shit, Like
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: it's bringing it up for me. I don't want to
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: be that girl that had this horrible thing happened to them,
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: and also the family of that poor cyclist, like they've
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: lost someone. That's horrific, and this person's being lost in
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: all the town gossip and chatter and stuff. So finally
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: had to get orders to get him to settle and
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: manage to get that done. In the meantime, my order
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: expires and you know, start getting nasty messages. And during
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: this whole process as well, she goes to court and
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: that was on the news. People are sending me the news,
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: you know, no clip, and I'm like, yeah, I've seen it,
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: like I know, like I feel so awful for the family.
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be involved.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: Gypsy was charged, convicted, fined, and lost her license, but
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: she didn't go to jail. So while she has to
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: live with what she did, she's doing so as a
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: free woman with Ted.
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: By that point, none of my friends wanted anything to
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: do with them. There was two people who I cut
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: off that decided to stay friends with him. I cut
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: them off just for my own good. And you know,
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: at the end of the day, if they wanted to
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: be friends with someone that had had a fair and
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: gipsy who didn't like those people, but you know, they're
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: the only friend she has now, so I guess she's
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: got no choice. But if that's who they wanted to
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: be with, then that's the behavior they're okay with. I
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: don't want to be friends with you, doesn't matter how
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: much I like you, doesn't matter how good our memories are, Like,
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: I just need her to separate myself from that, which
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: is hard because you know, I do have some good memories,
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: but i've you know, cut myself off. I know that
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: she's been abused and called out and not that I,
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: you know, asked people to do that or anything that
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: people were just angry, like, not only did you you
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: know they all saw her at the wedding. They all
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: knew that we were friends, so they that's made them angry.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: I had a few people say they didn't particularly like her,
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: but they'd never said anything, because you know, she was
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: my friend. But I don't know if they're just saying
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: that now to try and make me feel better. And
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, next time, tell me. But I
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: thought she was a good person, and like, I think, honestly,
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: she's just one of those people that can't not be
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: in a relationship. And I think he probably flirted with
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: her and she flirted back and realized that she could
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: manipulate the situation. I think she probably wanted to keep
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: both of us around. I think depending on the way
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: it went, because why would you keep hanging out with
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: me and talking to me and engaging with me and
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: even saying like, oh, we should get a rental together.
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: I think if he had said to her, no, I'm
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: not going to leave her, I'm going to stay with her,
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: they would have just both pretended it never happened and
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: would just like kept going. It's been almost three years. Yeah,
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: I got my little dream farm thing going, so it
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: just got some chiks, dogs are happy. I had to
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: do that on my own, had to pay for that
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: on my own because I did try and reach out
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know why I'm in it because I'm a idiot,
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: and try and get him to pay for half. But
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: I thought of if you at least have to pay BAF,
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: but he just made it so difficult. I think one
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: of the things I realized as soon as we separated,
• 54:31
  Speaker 2: like I see my friend's little room is like you know,
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: a week after it happened, and I just realized, oh,
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: I don't love him, I don't miss him. The situation's bad,
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: but being away from him this isn't bad. My friends
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: have said to me like since the separation, like you've
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: got your sparkle back, like this is how you're meant
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: to be, or like not anxious anymore. And I try
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: not to think about them. Obviously, it gets brought up
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: because it's a small town and people are still mad
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: about it. I feel sorry for them, to be honest,
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: I feel sorry for her. She had a good friend
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: and she treated her friend like that, and she's got
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: no one. She literally has no one. People are upset
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: and angry, and I can't imagine what it would feel
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: like to be in a room full of people that
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: all know what you did, the worst two things that
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: you've done, and hate you for it, and openly some
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: of them openly hate you for it. She has to
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: live with the fact that she killed someone. You know,
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: he's not a catch. You know, I thought he was,
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: but he's not. He's not a good person. He was
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: really nasty to me at times, and he's probably been
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: really nasty to her now that the you know, the
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: initial love bombing stage is over. You know, I remember
• 55:42
  Speaker 2: seeing the disclosure and going, oh, he took me to
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: that place, and he took me to that place and
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: he did this, He's done the same pattern. It was crazy,
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: you know, so I just feel sorry for she's jumped
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: into this relationship because she can't be on her and
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: she's she had to be in another relationship. You had
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: to depend on someone else, and she's with this guy.
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: And my Auntie said, you know, the one thing that
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: they have in common is you. I wouldn't want to
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: be them. Some days I get really frustrated, but you know,
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: I just laugh, just try laugh it off at this
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: point because it doesn't really hurt anymore. You know, I
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: just think of it as well, you know, you wanted him,
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: you got him. Enjoy like I'm really happy, Like I'm yeah,
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: and where I always wanted to be back home. That's
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: really important to me. Still got all my friends around me.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: They've been amazing. My sister's been absolutely amazing, the most supportive,
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: most amazing person, and it's been there for me every
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: single day. So I don't know how I would have
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: got through it without her. It's actually been really freeing.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: He had me in this place where I thought like
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: I couldn't do anything and I wasn't good enough to
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: do anything myself, and I would never make it. And
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, my dream little house, like this beautiful
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: deck that overlooks the bush that I sit on, you know,
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: and watch the birds and stuff. I've been dating, like casually.
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: I was dating really nice guy for a while, but
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: I just wasn't feeling it, so you know, that ended.
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: But he was really lovely. Yeah, I was just happy
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: being single at the moment. When I meet someone and
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: they're nice and I like them and they're like me,
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: I'm sure something will happen. But until then, I'm not
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: sitting there going, oh, I'm so lonely. Like I'm happy
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: and fulfilled in myself and and my work and my hobbies.
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: And I look back and I'm so glad that we
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: broke up, and I feel really sorry. Like it feels
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: like looking at a different person. I feel so sorry
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: for the girl that I was, that I was so
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: in love with this guy and just trying to constantly
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: keep him happy and change herself and do all these things,
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: and I feel so sorry for her. It's like looking
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: at a different person in a different life.
• 58:04
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• 58:07
  Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mum and Me Network. It's written
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.
• 58:14
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• 58:23
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• 58:34
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