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Are You Living Your Truth? The Silent War of Self-Worth with Cindy Gould · Your Thoughts Your Reality

0:00
SPEAKER_02: How much of your life are you living because it's truly yours?
0:04
SPEAKER_02: And how much of it are you living because somewhere along the way, you were taught you had to?
0:10
SPEAKER_02: For a lot of people, especially veterans, families, leaders, and high performers, self-worth can quietly become tied to performance, approval, responsibility, or being the version of yourself everyone else expects.
0:22
SPEAKER_02: And sometimes the hardest part is not becoming someone new.
0:26
SPEAKER_02: It's remembering who you were before the world told you who you had to be.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: Today's conversation is about confidence, joy, transformation, and the quiet battle of self-worth.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
1:02
SPEAKER_01: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
1:25
SPEAKER_02: Cindy Gould is a transformation coach, speaker, and a certified dual elite neuroencoding specialist who helps people create meaningful changes from the inside out.
1:35
SPEAKER_02: She's the voice behind Create Your Victorious Life and the Remembering, where she helps others reconnect with truth confidence, joy, and purpose.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: Cindy's work focuses on helping people break free from who they think they are or should be and step into who they truly are meant to become.
1:53
SPEAKER_02: Through coaching, storytelling, and intentional transformation, Cindy helps rebuild self-worth and create a life that feels aligned, not just successful.
2:03
SPEAKER_02: Her message reminds us that victory is not only about what we overcome, it's about remembering who we really are and choosing to live from that place.
2:13
SPEAKER_02: Cindy, welcome to your thoughts, your reality, my dear friend.
2:16
SPEAKER_02: Please tell us a little bit more about yourself.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, you just told a bunch.
2:20
SPEAKER_00: So that's awesome.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: And thanks for having me.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: You know, I absolutely love being here.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I am all of that.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: And yes, I love doing that.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: I think one of the things I'm most passionate about is really seeing people and specifically women.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: I work a lot, you know, as you know, with women, but seeing them actually walk into who they really are and to really walk that out and to be confident in it, you know, because as you said in the intro, there's so everybody's conditioned, right?
2:53
SPEAKER_00: And we and we all inherit the habits and the beliefs and other things of our parents and their parents and so on.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: And when you finally wake up, it's kind of like that scene in um Runaway Pride, like what kind of eggs do I like?
3:05
SPEAKER_00: Right?
3:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I don't even like eggs, you know.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, whatever that is.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: But what I I will tell you one of the things, you know, yes, I'm I am a life mastery coach.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I am a joy catalyst, I do all those things and I love it.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: But really, I I think one of the things that I'm most passionate about is just helping set people free from that imprisonment and here and here that they've lived and they wake up at our ages, you know, like and and their lives may look fantastic on the outside, but on the inside, they're so not in alignment with their spirit, with their heart.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: You know, so I love to speak, you know that too.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: I I have the privilege of going all over the world doing that, and it's such a blast.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: So thanks for having me.
3:58
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, absolutely.
3:59
SPEAKER_02: Cindy, so you know, I I love exactly what you said because it's so true.
4:03
SPEAKER_02: It's when you wake up and you're like, you know, it's not just self-worth that we're gonna talk about today, but I think sometimes that also bleeds into the other side of the war of legacy, right?
4:14
SPEAKER_02: Right.
4:14
SPEAKER_02: It's like, okay, where am I and and who am I and and what's my real self-worth?
4:20
SPEAKER_02: Because it's different for everybody.
4:21
SPEAKER_02: So if we can, uh Cindy, let's let's kind of jump in, yeah?
4:25
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
4:26
SPEAKER_03: So I know, right?
4:29
SPEAKER_02: Uh when we when you hear self-worth, right?
4:32
SPEAKER_02: The the just the word, which is the sixth silent word and everything, uh, what does that mean to you?
4:42
SPEAKER_00: Well, when you hear the word worth, you hear value, right?
4:46
SPEAKER_00: I mean, and but for me, when I think of it is is uh am I really honoring who I really am?
4:55
SPEAKER_00: You know, and and what kind of worth have I attached to that?
5:01
SPEAKER_00: Like what kind of worth have I attached to not walking congruently with who I am?
5:08
SPEAKER_00: Right?
5:09
SPEAKER_00: And then so I think about that, but so many people, I mean, that you and I both know all over the world wake up and and don't feel worth worthy and and that they have worth.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: And that's I mean, it's an epidemic and it's heartbreaking.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: And then they see things on you know, on all the socials that tell us how we're supposed to look and be and feel and show up and you know, and then it's like forget it, I'm going back to bed.
5:41
SPEAKER_02: Right?
5:42
SPEAKER_02: It's true, it's overwhelming, it's it's it's debilitating, really, right?
5:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
5:49
SPEAKER_02: So why do you think so many people build their lives around who they think they should be, right?
5:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, instead of who they truly are, and I think that's gonna bring us back to the self-working.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: It is because they want to belong, because they want to be loved, because they want to matter.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: And so they believe that.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we we have a culture, and I grew up in a in a culture, most a lot of people have, especially if you grew up with, you know, in a specific um religion or you know, in an environment where you're basically it's a performative thing.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to write, I'm gonna show up, I'm gonna, I'm gonna live this way, I'm gonna bloom where I'm planted, I'm you know, all the things.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: And and then it is you want to belong.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: And there's a difference between belonging and fitting in, like, right?
6:41
SPEAKER_00: Because when you belong, you belong because you're present, you're just there.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: You belong because you're the essence of love.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: You belong because I'm like, oh my gosh, it's freaking Mike Cole.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, like he belongs.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: He and Susan belong in my life, you know, instead of okay, I want to be a part of that.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: So they love, they love landscaping and gardening and all those things.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna do that, right?
7:10
SPEAKER_00: And my value is gonna now be attached because I'm gonna fit in, right?
7:16
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm gonna do a lot.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, he's got this killer watermelon barbecue thing, you know.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna learn how to smoke a brisket.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: Are you kidding me?
7:27
SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna invite you over.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: You can do brisket, you know, between you and because there's one in the freezer.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: See, but am I making sense?
7:37
SPEAKER_00: You know, and we start to morph in into these other people so that when we walk into that group of people, we belong.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, Mike's here, Sydney's here, Susan's here, so excited, right?
7:52
SPEAKER_00: And then when we're there, we hear ourselves say things.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: We, as you so beautifully put it in your first chapter of this amazing book that's coming out, we start to edit conversations before the words come out.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: Instantly, now we're not present, we're not connected, we're disconnected, and we're here, right?
8:13
SPEAKER_00: And and that's how we're showing up instead of just being worthy because we're present.
8:20
SPEAKER_02: I I want to add something that is fantastic, and thank you for the plug I didn't ask for for the new book coming out the 10 silent war.
8:27
SPEAKER_02: So thank you, my friend.
8:28
SPEAKER_02: Do that a couple more times, please.
8:32
SPEAKER_02: So, so you know, one of the things it's it's really not needing to fit in, just being yourself.
8:41
SPEAKER_02: And here's what I'm gonna tell you with that, and you know this for the for the for the audience, obviously.
8:47
SPEAKER_02: When when you are in integrity and in yourself and just comfortable, comfortable with who you are, you attack the same like people.
8:57
SPEAKER_02: Are you are you the same people?
8:59
SPEAKER_02: Do you have all the same interests?
9:00
SPEAKER_02: No, but or should I say, and they they are magnetized to you, and it's amazing how that happens when you're just in in integrity within yourself and and feeling that self-work.
9:14
SPEAKER_02: Do you agree with that?
9:16
SPEAKER_00: 100%.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: And then the people that show up.
9:19
SPEAKER_00: So if our brain is electric, our heart is magnetic.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: And there's a scripture that says, as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
9:27
SPEAKER_00: And we have three brains, and there's literally the first thing I think formed in a fetus is a heart, and in there is the a brain.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: So that scripture is literal.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: What are you thinking in here?
9:36
SPEAKER_00: But here's where we get hijacked.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: So I want to fit in.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to morph into this person.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to magnetize people that align with that frequency, not to get all nerdy on you, but it's so this is it.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: I mean, this is like it in a nutshell.
9:52
SPEAKER_00: And then I'm surrounded, I'm in a marriage, I'm in a relationship, I'm at a company that I work for.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm surrounded by friends and people that are all at a frequency.
10:02
SPEAKER_00: And I just want to be at the beach surfing.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: Like that's not my frequency, right?
10:06
SPEAKER_00: And now I'm this person and I'm performing so that I fit in and everybody loves me and I show up and I'm, you know, all of that, right?
10:16
SPEAKER_00: So then what does that say to you?
10:18
SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, who I am really in here then isn't good enough, isn't enough, because now I'm having to be this gal to be a part of that.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: And these are my people now, right?
10:31
SPEAKER_00: Instead of just showing up and saying, Heck, you go do that.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm be at the beach, I'll meet you for burgers or tacos.
10:38
SPEAKER_00: It's Tuesday.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: Let's go to have Taco Tuesday.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: You know, I'll meet you Tuesday for tacos, right?
10:44
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
10:45
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's great because you can give yourself that freedom, right?
10:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and man, I think if if people really realize that, you know, you don't have to have those boundaries, if you will, for yourself.
11:02
SPEAKER_02: Because you don't have to go do what everybody else wants to go do.
11:05
SPEAKER_02: You you do the things that you're going to enjoy because no one wants to see somebody unless you're happy for the person enjoying watching or something, sending out surfing while you're sitting on the beach, right?
11:18
SPEAKER_02: I absolutely love that.
11:19
SPEAKER_02: I absolutely love that.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: And it really brings us to kind of the next thing I did want to talk about is you know, with with high performers and veterans and leaders, you know, all of that.
11:28
SPEAKER_02: You know, how does self-worth often really become tied to performance?
11:32
SPEAKER_02: And this is something I've struggled with, you know, because it's kind of performance, responsibility, or really being strong for everyone else.
11:40
SPEAKER_02: Talk to me about that.
11:42
SPEAKER_00: Goll, you know, I mean, it's tied, it's they're bed mates, you know, right?
11:47
SPEAKER_00: I mean, think about it.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: I I know even myself, you know, and and being in whatever environment I was in in corporate or anything else, it is about performance.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: I mean, your numbers matter, your things matter, you know, doing what you do matters.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: And and even in this kind of an environment and world that we have, also, right?
12:11
SPEAKER_00: And so it's interesting because then you show up a certain way.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh, the the boss likes this.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: This is gonna give me the raise, this is gonna land me that client.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: Then you're sitting there with the client, being somebody that's not true to who you are, and you hear yourself and your body.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: And I know there have been more than myself on this on your podcast, Carolyn Ozuna being one of them, who we love, you know, and but your body keeps score, right?
12:39
SPEAKER_00: You know, and and so your body starts to to hold on to that identity and that self.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: And then what you're literally telling yourself again is I'm more loved if I'm this person, so I better not show up as this person, right?
12:58
SPEAKER_02: Is that so no, it does.
13:00
SPEAKER_02: It's it's phenomenal.
13:01
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, I'm gonna totally spin off the off the real uh rails here just for a second, but um it's it's a it's a such an amazing point that you bring up.
13:12
SPEAKER_02: So when you're when you're showing up for someone else, and I I I know my feelings on it, but I want to hear your feelings about it.
13:21
SPEAKER_02: And we do it so much, okay?
13:23
SPEAKER_02: We're all human beings, and and this is the part of the spin cycle, right?
13:27
SPEAKER_02: In our own heads and our own silent horns, if you will, that that we do.
13:31
SPEAKER_02: You know, what does that do for your energy?
13:34
SPEAKER_02: For your, you know, I'm gonna call it your life force, if you will, because your energy, everybody, isn't just isn't just you're ready to go play tennis, or you're ready to go do this or that, but it's how you feel.
13:47
SPEAKER_02: So talk to me about that when you're not living in your you know authenticity, if you will.
13:53
SPEAKER_02: Really, what how's it affecting you?
13:57
SPEAKER_02: And even more so, because the the ripple effect can be good and bad, right?
14:02
SPEAKER_00: So, how does it affect again you and the people around you, the people you love and all of those things, as far as that's it's easy for me to speak to that, even I just reflect on, you know, I was married, and my then husband was brilliant at breeding dogs, like brilliant.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: We were the number one pit bull and American bully breeder in the world, like literally.
14:30
SPEAKER_00: I mean, people would call and it was like we were rock stars.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: I would be like, what?
14:34
SPEAKER_00: You know, I mean, it was I'm like, we're talking dogs.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: And he was brilliant.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: I he was also brilliant at at there's a thing called weight pulling, you know, where huskies, malamutes are you know that breed as well, different breeds pull against each other.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: And and we would go and we'd show up and we'd take all the hardware and go home.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: I mean, he was brilliant, internationally, number one, so great.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, and it was so wasn't my thing.
15:03
SPEAKER_03: Right.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: I would go there, and a lot of times it kind of felt like you were at a prison visit, but I would go there because when it's pit bulls and American bullies, and these people are amazing, and they and and but I didn't fit in and I could feel it, and I would be kind and loving and do all the things that you know, but I I recognized when I was there, I could it was like I could see myself, I was watching myself like, ugh, and I could feel it.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: And to your point, during that same season, I had other things, you know, miscarriage, et cetera, that happened, and I gained a lot of weight.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: My body started to really show that I wasn't really being me and that I wasn't really authentic to me, and that I was freaking miserable, you know, not being that.
15:55
SPEAKER_00: So what else how else did it show up?
15:57
SPEAKER_00: It showed up in here, like I was so checked out half the time.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: You know, I mean, I I thought I was connected, I, you know, to all these things, but I wasn't living a life that was that brought me joy because I wasn't living a life that was authentic to me.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: I was, you know, we're living someone else's version of what I should be, you know, and that was my I and I own that 100%.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: That's on me.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, but the way that it showed up in my life wasn't everywhere, you know.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: I I did and I watched myself, and I know that there are people watching that are living that right now.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: They go to, you know, like even the the wonderful question, you know, you have date night with with Susan or with your mate, what do you want to eat?
16:45
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, what do you want to eat?
16:47
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, okay, fine, we'll go eat that.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: And then you're sitting there eating Mongolian grill and you didn't want that.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: You wanted tacos, you know.
16:53
SPEAKER_00: I mean, but you know what I mean?
16:55
SPEAKER_00: But even in those things, not speaking up, speaking for what you want.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: And you and I both come from a background where we teach people and we ask that question, what do you really want?
17:07
SPEAKER_00: Right.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: I stopped asking that, I dismissed it.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Who cares what I want?
17:12
SPEAKER_00: Because this is what I'm choosing to do, right?
17:14
SPEAKER_00: Now, again, I I believe in taking extreme ownership, you know, period, because it's my life.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: I get to do whatever, I get to choose to be where I'm gonna be in the relationships I'm in, showing up, doing what I do for work, etc.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: And so I own all of that.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: That was on me.
17:30
SPEAKER_00: But what I learned so valuably was, you know, I released the weight when I had forgiveness, when I released the sadness and sorrow, when I let go of the more authentic and pure I was here and here, the more that these were congruent.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I gained 140 pounds and I've released it and kept it off.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: It's like, I mean, how fascinating is that, right?
17:53
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think about the ways that it shows up in our lives, the ways that I would have parented, I would have parented different.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: You know, now I mean, now having grandchildren, I I totally do that differently than obviously we do, you know, we you have grandchildren too.
18:09
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, we grow as we you know as we go.
18:12
SPEAKER_00: So absolutely, but I hope that answered your question.
18:16
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, absolutely beautiful.
18:18
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for the vulnerability and sharing your story.
18:20
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I know I know you, and you're I'm the same way.
18:22
SPEAKER_02: We we we don't care.
18:23
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna share the vulnerability because it that that connects with people more, right?
18:27
SPEAKER_02: Because they they'll see themselves in that.
18:29
SPEAKER_02: So thank you, first of all.
18:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for sure.
18:31
SPEAKER_02: Um so you know, I I I know, you know, it affects everybody around you, like you talked about, right?
18:39
SPEAKER_02: I mean, and and the the energy when you are always being off, right?
18:44
SPEAKER_02: So I'm gonna take a salesperson, for instance.
18:47
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, there's people that you call game face, right?
18:50
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna use salespeople, for instance, because I do stuff.
18:53
SPEAKER_02: When I I I change it where I'm helping people, I'm not selling somebody, and it changes that right, it changes that energy as well for me.
19:00
SPEAKER_02: So it's it's really when you're game face, is when you're always on.
19:04
SPEAKER_02: There's some people that just can't turn it off.
19:06
SPEAKER_02: And you you see it, right?
19:08
SPEAKER_02: When when they're always just you you feel when you rephrase that, you feel it.
19:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, when they are just always on, and I mean I'm gonna call it performance because it's again not paying an eighteen and trying to fit in and doing that kind of stuff, because as you said, which was amazing, that's where I'm feeling love, that's where I'm seeing feeling seen and all that stuff.
19:32
SPEAKER_02: So I I just love all the stuff you just talked about.
19:34
SPEAKER_02: And when you're always on, just to wrap up what I was saying, when you're always on Cindy, and and you know, give me some feedback, how exhausting is that?
19:43
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, are you kidding me?
19:46
SPEAKER_00: That's where people you look at in our country, how many people are, and I'm not dissing this, I'm just saying, how many people though are on, you know, psych meds or antidepressants or different supplements that help supplement that?
20:02
SPEAKER_00: And I would say it's because they're not authentic.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: And when you're always on, so let's just kind of walk it through.
20:09
SPEAKER_00: So if I'm always on in that performative place, I'm going to continue to magnetize to me, align with and be with people that are in that frequency.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: So back to the to the white poles and things.
20:23
SPEAKER_00: I I love the people I met there, but they weren't necessarily my people, right?
20:28
SPEAKER_00: I mean, a lot of them were, some of them are family to me still, but it but they weren't, you know, the things we would talk about, the things that we would do.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: I would just show up and I would just be present in that instead of, you know, where I really was at in my in my life and in my you know place.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: And and I recognize that it does totally zap your energy.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: And then the then what happens is what are you saying in here?
20:54
SPEAKER_00: Because think, feel, do have.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: We know that as I think, so I feel.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: So what am I thinking as I'm there?
21:00
SPEAKER_00: What am I doing when I show up at an event or I show up at other things?
21:04
SPEAKER_00: Like you talk about salespeople, and instantly I had this vision because we know salespeople that are on, always on, and they're constantly doing that.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: And and where do they get their validation by making the sale?
21:16
SPEAKER_00: So they're constantly always on.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: And I thought, oh yeah, you open the fridge, the light comes on, they they're on, you know, like they're standing in front of the fridge selling to the mayonnaise.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like, right?
21:26
SPEAKER_00: And and when you think about it from that standpoint, and I come from a sales background, so of course I do, right?
21:33
unknown: Yep.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: And and I've changed the way that I do all of that.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: If somebody wants to work with me, it's either a heck yes or it's a heck no.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna talk you into it.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: I will never do that because then I'll be talking you into it the whole time.
21:48
SPEAKER_00: You know, either you're my soulmate client or you're not.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: And and either I'm going to be the biggest blessing that I could possibly be in your life and help you to do that.
21:59
SPEAKER_00: And if I can't be, then I'll refer them to someone else.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: You know, it isn't, I don't even overcome objections anymore.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, okay, you know, because then I know they're not really ready for what I'm going to be bringing to the table.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: Now, let's go back a few years, 10 years, whole different ballgame.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: I would, I mean, I could overcome every objection.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: It didn't matter, you know, because that's where I was thinking.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: And then when I started to shift though, to and it, and it really, I still had a heart, like I really believed whatever I was offering them was the best slice of bread they're ever going to have, you know, the best widget, right?
22:41
SPEAKER_00: Or I wouldn't have offered it.
22:43
SPEAKER_00: But now it's more like, well, are you ready for it?
22:45
SPEAKER_00: Are you ready for this kind of transformation?
22:48
SPEAKER_00: Are you ready to be authentic?
22:50
SPEAKER_00: Are you ready to step in?
22:51
SPEAKER_00: Are you ready to heal?
22:53
SPEAKER_00: Because you and I know that when we've walked in an authentic way, when we've done the performative life, when we've done all of that, we have to start, we really have to forgive ourselves for not finding ourselves worthy enough, not loving ourselves enough.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: Because you can't love me and shouldn't love me more than I love me, right?
23:18
SPEAKER_02: Right.
23:19
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
23:20
SPEAKER_02: What chapter is that in your book?
23:24
SPEAKER_02: When you read it, you'll know.
23:25
SPEAKER_02: And the name of the book is again pretending about it or you know, we when we we talk about all of that when you put it into a different light and you are helping instead of talking people into it, because like you said, when they're ready, they're ready.
23:47
SPEAKER_02: And otherwise you're convincing people all the way through.
23:49
SPEAKER_02: When they're now excited about it, because they they they've made the decision and they they see it, it changes the whole thing, you know.
23:56
SPEAKER_02: And that's the same thing with life.
23:58
SPEAKER_02: When you're excited about getting up in the morning, you're not exhausted in the morning and going, I have to, right?
24:03
SPEAKER_02: Instead of I get to, you know, you know, you know, me in my get-to, right?
24:07
SPEAKER_02: So I love that you said that.
24:09
SPEAKER_02: Let's see, where are we on time?
24:11
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so um I'd like to kind of spin it into more of the the light now.
24:16
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so you know, when you talk about creating a victorious light, I know that's that's your thing, right?
24:22
SPEAKER_02: And it's a beautiful thing.
24:23
SPEAKER_02: What does the the victory actually mean when we stop measuring it by outside of rule?
24:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
24:30
SPEAKER_00: So the first thing is is that I come from a place of victory.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: I've already won.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: I I get like even this morning, I woke up and I was like, whoo! I was telling Susan I was, I don't sleep through alarms or anything like that, but I was like, I better not sleep through my alarm.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: So I woke up a few times in the minute, and what's hard is that when I wake up, I really wake up like, oh my gosh, what do we get to do today?
24:54
SPEAKER_00: You know, now my my day starts in a place of, you know, I ask God, okay, and this is like legit my combo.
25:01
SPEAKER_00: This is what I have on my day schedule.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: These are the things I'd really love not to get hijacked today.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm whatever you need me to do, Lord.
25:11
SPEAKER_00: Like, what where where do you need me to show up?
25:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm game, but could we please at least do these things?
25:17
SPEAKER_00: You know, like that's you know, right?
25:19
SPEAKER_00: But I do wake up every day excited.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: And to your point earlier in the conversation, I didn't during the during a certain season of suck in my life, right?
25:29
SPEAKER_00: And yep, you know, that and during that time, I did not wake up every day excited.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: I woke up and I put a smile on my face, and a lot of people didn't know unless you looked in my eyes, you know, or really connected with me.
25:45
SPEAKER_00: But I didn't really wake up like that, but I do now.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: Like I wake up every day just so excited.
25:51
SPEAKER_00: I get to do what today?
25:53
SPEAKER_00: I get to be here today.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, and look at the technology.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: Like you and I are navigating, you're telling me click this, do that.
26:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, we're live on Facebook.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: Oh crud, now we're on YouTube.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: Uh but remember, you're you and I are of the ages that we remember when fax machines.
26:09
SPEAKER_00: Heck, I remember my parents having a reel to reel.
26:12
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I remember bootlegged eight-track tapes, you know, when my parents beat up, right?
26:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, but look at the technology that we have now.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: I get I got to hang out with Susan, with your beautiful bride today.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I got to see her and I got to spend a couple minutes with her.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: I get to see you.
26:31
SPEAKER_00: We get to broadcast this, and whoever's supposed to hear it is gonna get to hear it.
26:36
SPEAKER_00: I mean, who couldn't get Jasmine excited about that?
26:40
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
26:41
SPEAKER_02: And Cindy, I do the same thing, and you know, and it's new for me too.
26:44
SPEAKER_02: I've been doing it for a couple of years now, and I I forget for some reason and it's super rare because it's become a pattern, right?
26:51
SPEAKER_02: It's part of part of my my morning template, if you will.
26:54
SPEAKER_02: But I wake up, I open my eyes, I put a big smile on my face, and before I get out of bed, I say, what exciting things do I get to learn today?
27:01
SPEAKER_02: What what's what's in store that I get to learn from?
27:04
SPEAKER_02: Because everything's a gift.
27:06
SPEAKER_02: Little things that pop up as Les Brown says life be life in, right?
27:09
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
27:10
SPEAKER_02: But if you change that into oh, I get to learn something from it, it turns you into gratefulness instead of dress in the morning.
27:17
SPEAKER_02: Because I'll tell you, before I would get out of bed going, oh god, I wish it was the weekend, right?
27:24
SPEAKER_02: And now that I do that simple thing like you do, it it changes every day, which is such a beautiful, amazing gift.
27:31
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
27:32
SPEAKER_00: So I love that you're oh absolutely.
27:34
SPEAKER_00: I have a client and we've been working together a couple of years, and and it's and she's amazing, she's freaking rock star.
27:42
SPEAKER_00: But when I met her, she would wake up, and the literal first sound she would hear in the morning was her voice saying, Oh F, another day, you know, and and now she wakes up, and that was, you know, she'd push it after five dismisses on her alarm clock, you know, push it to the to the absolute window of when I can baby wipe it and walk out the door and go to work.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
28:08
SPEAKER_00: Instead of having to take a shower.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: And and now she's up at like five in the morning walking on the beach, doing her meditation.
28:17
SPEAKER_00: Get she wakes up freaking excited for her day, you know, all of those things.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: And and I recognize in that what it took for her to get to that place.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: It's exactly like what we're talking about.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times people don't realize, because I believe all of our parents, you know, and anybody who's ever heard me speak hears me say, I I won the parent lotto, you know, and it wasn't because my parents were perfect and I had Ward and June Cleaver.
28:47
SPEAKER_00: I mean, are you kidding?
28:48
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
28:49
SPEAKER_00: It was because they did the very best they absolutely could with the resources that they believed they had, and and you know, and created a legacy of love within the seven of us children, and you know, and with everything that they did.
29:05
SPEAKER_00: And they did everything, to be honest, with such excellence that we coming from a background that that quite frankly wouldn't have ever inspired that, you know, and and I say that because most people, all of the people you and I know, so gotta pretty much say everybody we know, had some form of trauma and some season in their life or where we felt like we had to like I'll share this because it's so interesting.
29:34
SPEAKER_00: When I was a kid, I it's like everything I did, I I did pretty well.
29:38
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was just one of those things, right?
29:40
SPEAKER_00: And so even growing up in in, I would recognize even with sports and everything.
29:45
SPEAKER_00: I had five brothers, and so they were like my own toys, you know, like we're playing, and I had and I had parents and a mother even that would go outside with us and and you know, throw the football and do all those things and you know, all that.
29:56
SPEAKER_00: I mean, so she still would with my with our her great grandchildren, you know, and yeah, and and same with my dad.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: And so, but I remember very clearly, like I would win every track meet, you know, like I would go and I'd run, and I'm the shorty in the in the bunch, you know, but I would I was just fast, and I and I remember clearly getting to the finish line and I'd see my family there, very supportive family, screaming, yelling, excited, yay, yay, yay! And then I would see all my friends' families, no excitement, not happy.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: And so I equated that when I win, I make others unhappy.
30:34
SPEAKER_00: And yet I had a setup in my life to where pretty much and and everything I do, I kind of win at, you know, and and so I was talking to a really dear friend of yours and mine, Dr.
30:46
SPEAKER_00: Stephen Crawford, and I was talking about that because this is what I did.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: I would, I couldn't do it every time.
30:52
SPEAKER_00: It was really hard for me, but I would lose on purpose.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: So I would get almost to the finish line, I'd see one of my friends, and then I'd just slow down just so she could win, just like a little bit, you know, and and then I'd see her family, and I'm like, Oh, they're so happy, right?
31:09
SPEAKER_00: And he said, Well, yeah, because you were losing to win.
31:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: Right to the point that we're talking about.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: Now, check it out.
31:17
SPEAKER_00: I didn't realize that created a fear of success in me because I had many successes in my life, and I didn't realize that that was a thing.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: And I finally realized they weren't sad that I won, they were bummed that their child didn't.
31:33
SPEAKER_00: Very different frequency, right?
31:36
SPEAKER_00: Very different.
31:37
SPEAKER_00: But I equated that they were upset with me, sad with me, and it showed up that showed up because I've had different successes, but that showed up in my personal relationship or marriages and things with the choices that I of men that I was with.
31:53
SPEAKER_00: So, what's interesting is I think about it now.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: How many people right now that are listening to this still experience that because I changed who I was hoping it would be a blessing to somebody else?
32:06
SPEAKER_00: And it totally set me up for a lot of heartache in the in the long run.
32:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that that's super important.
32:13
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for saying that and telling a story.
32:15
SPEAKER_02: I remember you telling me the story before.
32:17
SPEAKER_02: So it's a it's a powerful story because the reality is we do that a lot, especially that you know for for our loved ones, right?
32:27
SPEAKER_02: Because you want them to rise, you want you want to celebrate all those things, and we we do it a lot.
32:33
SPEAKER_02: So thank you for sharing that.
32:34
SPEAKER_02: And and um, yeah, that's that's that's a great story.
32:37
SPEAKER_02: And I know we're getting low on time.
32:38
SPEAKER_02: Um I wanted to space on one more thing because I really think it's important and it ties in beautifully to what you just said.
32:45
SPEAKER_02: And by the way, another plug, Cindy's really good at this unintentionally, but uh tomorrow Dr.
32:50
SPEAKER_02: Stephen Crawford will be on the show.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: Uh-oh.
32:54
unknown: I love it.
32:56
SPEAKER_00: I love that's fun.
33:00
SPEAKER_02: It's crazy.
33:01
SPEAKER_02: The energy and the the connection between us just is off the charts.
33:06
SPEAKER_02: They don't you can see my hair.
33:08
SPEAKER_02: And how does someone begin rebuilding confidence when they have spent years doubting themselves or putting everyone else first?
33:15
SPEAKER_02: That's where I want to kind of close out because I think it's super important for people to step into the light.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: So let me something you said a second ago.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: I want to, I want to hit really quick.
33:27
SPEAKER_00: You had said we do this for our loved ones.
33:30
SPEAKER_00: We put them first, we do all those things.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: Check yourself.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: Are you doing it because you really love them?
33:36
SPEAKER_00: Or are you doing it because you want them to love you?
33:39
SPEAKER_02: Oh, nice.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: I mean, really check yourself on that.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: Because I, because if you're coming from performative behavior and you're coming from this habit and you kick into that, so how do you get to the light?
33:52
SPEAKER_00: If here's the thing, I mean, you know me, because I'm gonna go straight to my faith.
33:57
SPEAKER_00: And you know, we're told to love others as we love ourselves, right?
34:02
SPEAKER_00: And that's I would say be so crazy insanely in love with you.
34:06
SPEAKER_00: Start writing down all the wonderful things about you.
34:09
SPEAKER_00: If you can't do it, because then you you know, you just get stuck on stupid and you don't quit, right?
34:17
SPEAKER_02: And I want I want to also just real quick, I want you to to realize this builds the confidence that we were just talking about, right?
34:24
SPEAKER_02: When you love yourself and believe in yourself, it it absolutely brings you into that confidence role when instead of doubting yourself on all the other things.
34:34
SPEAKER_02: And Cindy, if you will please tell them how to make that really stick using neuroencoding practices.
34:40
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's what I was just gonna do.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: So there's two things, and one of them is the mirror work for sure.
34:45
SPEAKER_00: Like in how much time do we have?
34:48
SPEAKER_00: Because I have another quick story.
34:50
SPEAKER_00: So those of you who who know me and and um know that I've three sons that are in heaven, and you know, I went through a real difficult time in 2021 and and had a lot of loss.
35:03
SPEAKER_00: And there was a day in it was probably in 2023-ish, I want to say, where I was really, I was just I was gutted.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: I it was just one of those moments where everything came crashing in, meaning my emotions, my feelings, my missing my dad, missing my my my beautiful son Mana, all of that, you know, and and so I was like literally sobbing, had to pull over because I was like, ugh, it was beyond ugly cry.
35:31
SPEAKER_02: This is where stuck in suck, yes.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, stuck in that suck for sure.
35:37
SPEAKER_00: But here's how you get unstuck, and this is how you build the confidence.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: Because in the mirror exercise, and I'll I'll briefly tell you you go in the mirror every multiple times a day.
35:47
SPEAKER_00: You go down that row at TJ Maxx or at the home store or whatever, and you go down the row of mirrors, go look at yourself in those freaking mirrors.
35:54
SPEAKER_00: Tell yourself how smoking hot you are.
35:56
SPEAKER_00: You can stand there, and Susan could do this easily because she's got legs for days.
36:00
SPEAKER_00: She could just stand there and say, I'm a smoke show, and Mike loves me because I am, you know, like whatever.
36:07
SPEAKER_00: But the words I am are a technology, they're a bridge and they activate something inside your brain, they activate things in your body.
36:16
SPEAKER_00: Do it, and I guarantee you're gonna feel it.
36:19
SPEAKER_00: But you look yourself in the mirror, in the eyeballs.
36:24
SPEAKER_00: You know, you have to connect with you.
36:26
SPEAKER_00: How many times do you brush your teeth?
36:28
SPEAKER_00: You do your thing, you don't look in the mirror, right?
36:31
SPEAKER_00: Look, or you look and you look at your makeup, but you're not looking in your eyes.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: Look in your eyes and say, I, oh my gosh.
36:39
SPEAKER_00: Or you can say, There are days where I say, Hey, Cindy, and I talk to Cindy in the mirror.
36:44
SPEAKER_00: So back to me bawling.
36:46
SPEAKER_00: I pull on the side of the road, I pull the mirror down, my visor down, because the only way I knew how to get out of it was to connect to me.
36:57
SPEAKER_00: Now, I had never connected to this depth.
37:00
SPEAKER_00: When I did, I looked myself in the mirror and I was sobbing and I was like, oh my gosh, you freaking have the right to be sad.
37:09
SPEAKER_00: And all I wanted to do was climb through the mirror and love me.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: And that right there gave me, I mean, it took my confidence from here beyond because then I appreciated my experiences.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: I appreciated that I didn't just weather the storm, that I triumphed through it.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: I appreciated that I turned all that pain.
37:32
SPEAKER_00: Now I'll plug the book that I'm in into my purpose.
37:35
SPEAKER_00: You know, I but I appreciated that when you can look in the mirror, and it does take practice.
37:40
SPEAKER_00: In the beginning, you're gonna say, This is so stupid, you know, or whatever, or you won't be able to hold your stare.
37:47
SPEAKER_00: Right?
37:48
SPEAKER_00: Because and or you're gonna start crying, you know, or whatever.
37:53
SPEAKER_00: But I'm gonna tell you, do it for they say 21 days, you know, to change the habit, etc.
37:58
SPEAKER_00: I would submit to you, try it for 65.
38:01
SPEAKER_00: And it's gonna be such a habit.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: And I promise you, you're literally gonna walk past those mirrors at the store and you'll be doing the smoke show thing, you know, like but you build your identity from there, and that's where you get your confidence.
38:14
SPEAKER_00: The other thing is to write it out, right?
38:16
SPEAKER_00: What you write, you invite.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: So I am and fill in the blank.
38:21
SPEAKER_00: All of the things I'm amazing, I'm a rock star, I'm a great mom.
38:24
SPEAKER_00: You know, I have six children and and nine grandchildren, and you know, not perfect, but I show up, you know.
38:32
SPEAKER_00: So again, right?
38:35
SPEAKER_02: And that's what you celebrate.
38:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, those are two really valuable things that I think would are really helpful.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: I absolutely love that.
38:42
SPEAKER_02: So I want to add a little bit to those.
38:46
SPEAKER_02: So when you're looking in the mirror, look in your eyes, just like Cindy said, you will feel when you connect it because you literally feel it in your soul.
38:56
SPEAKER_02: You feel it when you're talking to yourself.
38:58
SPEAKER_02: It's it's you you literally when you look in your eyes, I'm getting godbugs.
39:04
SPEAKER_02: So I know I know it's real.
39:06
SPEAKER_02: When you do that, you literally feel it.
39:09
SPEAKER_02: And and yes, talk to yourself kindly.
39:12
SPEAKER_02: It's okay to say, Mike, I love you.
39:14
SPEAKER_02: Mike, you're a rock star.
39:17
SPEAKER_02: Holy, fully wow, you know.
39:19
SPEAKER_02: And I'm just gonna add also celebrate it, pat yourself on the back, make sure you're smiling because it releases all the good hormones.
39:25
SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna do it one further.
39:27
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna challenge you to do it every day of your life after you get past that 65 days because it's a game changer to be kind to yourself and love yourself every day.
39:35
SPEAKER_02: You have no idea the difference you're gonna see.
39:38
SPEAKER_02: And I've seen because I do the work, it's just like Cindy does.
39:41
SPEAKER_02: Um, and it's it gets to a point where it's a beautiful thing.
39:45
SPEAKER_02: Well, and look at oh, go ahead.
39:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm so sorry.
39:47
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
39:48
SPEAKER_00: Well, I was gonna say what we've created.
39:51
SPEAKER_00: I know we're so funny.
39:52
SPEAKER_00: Look at what we've created, though, because when you do that and you love you, your frequency changes, which means this and this have changed, which means who comes up, shows up in your life has changed.
40:03
SPEAKER_00: You're also so much when you're present for yourself, you can be present for your mate, for your children, and and back to your veterans.
40:10
SPEAKER_00: It's really hard when you've been in places that you don't ever want to talk about again, or that you don't want to remember, or you were somebody there.
40:22
SPEAKER_00: You had to be somebody there to be able to stomach and get through certain things.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: And plus, you're missing your family and you're wondering what's going on at home and just all the things that are going on, or you're the mom at home or the mate at home with the kiddos, and and then having to to wear both roles.
40:38
SPEAKER_00: When you when you do this practice, and yeah, the 65 days was to get you in the habit, do it every day.
40:44
SPEAKER_00: I do it more than once a day, some days, and and to the celebration point.
40:49
SPEAKER_00: When I pulled over to the side of the road, I got to a place where I was like in victor in victory by the time I was done.
40:56
SPEAKER_00: I I was like, What?
40:58
SPEAKER_00: Yes, you did do that, Cindy.
41:00
SPEAKER_00: Yes, you, you know what I mean?
41:01
SPEAKER_00: And and I did do that, and I and I'm so grateful that you brought that up because that's the place you want to get to.
41:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, you connect and you get and you say these things, and then you're like, Oh yeah, baby, that is right.
41:16
SPEAKER_02: And and and lastly, uh-huh.
41:20
SPEAKER_02: So so you know, the the funny thing is you don't go into a gym, I shouldn't say funny, but the thing is you you don't go into a gym and walk out one day looking like Arnold Sportsmaker.
41:29
SPEAKER_02: You have to build the muscle, you have to build the skill by repetition.
41:33
SPEAKER_02: So just just remember that.
41:35
SPEAKER_02: I think it's really, really important.
41:36
SPEAKER_02: So um, Cindy, for the people listening who feel connected to your message, uh, what is the best way for them to learn more about your work, follow you, book you, or support what you're building?
41:47
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
41:48
SPEAKER_00: Facebook would be easy, Cindy Gould.
41:50
SPEAKER_00: I have a group on Facebook, The Victory Network.
41:53
SPEAKER_00: Feel free.
41:54
SPEAKER_00: I answer my own messages, so feel free to hit me up on Facebook or Instagram and send me a and let me know.
42:01
SPEAKER_00: I mean, just send me a private message and let me know how I can possibly serve you or you know, let's connect and see.
42:07
SPEAKER_00: That's probably the best thing.
42:09
SPEAKER_00: I do have some really fun things coming up.
42:11
SPEAKER_00: A retreat in Hawaii with women.
42:13
SPEAKER_00: I can't wait.
42:13
SPEAKER_00: It's so great.
42:14
SPEAKER_00: Return to the crown.
42:16
SPEAKER_00: I believe that we each have a divine and noble birthright and and that we are royalty.
42:22
SPEAKER_00: So put that crown on.
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SPEAKER_02: So you know, I know Cindy well.
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SPEAKER_02: We are dear friends, and I don't say that lightly, truly.
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SPEAKER_02: Reach out, she really does do some fantastic things.
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SPEAKER_02: So, you know, with that said, if something in today's conversation resonated with you, don't just move on to the next thing.
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SPEAKER_02: Sit with it for a minute.
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SPEAKER_02: If you know someone who may need to hear this, share this episode with them.
42:49
SPEAKER_02: You can also join us at your thoughtsyourreality.com, where we continue these conversations around identity, transition, resilience, and growth.
42:57
SPEAKER_02: And remember, your thoughts shape your reality.
43:01
SPEAKER_02: We're out of here.
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SPEAKER_02: Bye.
43:03
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
43:05
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts, your reality podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
43:12
SPEAKER_01: We hope the conversation sparks some thoughts that resonate with you.
43:16
SPEAKER_01: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit EmpowerPerformance Strategies.com.
43:23
SPEAKER_01: Remember, your thoughts shape your reality to make them happen.
43:27
SPEAKER_01: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
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SPEAKER_01: Catch you on the next episode.