Latest / Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie / Sex, Orgasms, and Intimacy With Dr. Erin Lush

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Sex, Orgasms, and Intimacy With Dr. Erin Lush · Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the podcast.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited for this episode.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm bringing on one of my dear Besties, also naturopath, Dr.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Erin Lush.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: She is so passionate about helping women find like the most pleasure in their lives at all of their life stages.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Not only she's a naturopathic doctor, but she focuses on female sexual health and basically getting you to a place where you are thriving, you know, making the uncomfortable comfortable and creating an environment where basically nothing is considered taboo.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: So all that kind of stuff.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's a really juicy episode.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I did want to mention though that my one-on-one program is now open for January enrollment, which means that this early enrollment will allow you to have an extended payment plan.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of like the normal three months or the normal 12 weeks, it's now spread out into a 20-week or five-month payment plan.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: So if you guys have been wanting to get in with me one-on-one, here's your chance to snag that extended plan.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that way we're set you up all the way for January 2021.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're interested, just send me a DM.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: I can send you all the details, but I'm so excited to get you guys enrolling and for those of you who have needed an extended playmate plan.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: So enjoy this episode and let's get into it.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Live Well Podcast.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is designed to help you live well, body, mind, and soul.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Liv, a natural health and wellness expert, and each week you will walk away with the insights, tools, and tips to truly live your best life.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you are looking to live well, you are in the right place.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: A new episode starts.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the podcast.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I am so excited to have one of my best friends, also fellow naturopath, Dr.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Erin Lesch here.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is like a juicy episode.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking all about the girl stuff, sex, orgasms, intimacy, foreplay, anything.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: She's basically the expert.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: She's taught me so much, and I'm so excited to have her here today.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna hand it off to her and let her introduce herself.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hi everybody.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: I am so happy to be here today.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: So thanks to Liv.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like she said, I am a naturopath as well, and I help women with their sexual health and their pelvic health and their connection with their body because I believe that to live your best life, you have to be in touch with your sexual self, and that's such a huge part, that pleasure piece that I think so many people are missing out on.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm here to help you find that.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I know your story, and I know what made you get into this, but for everyone else listening, what made you get into this and how did you get into like this topic?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is very like, not many of us go into this kind of stuff.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: So go ahead.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: I know, I know.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: So to me, I was really lucky.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: I when I started having sex, I loved it.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: I have nothing else to say except the fact that I absolutely loved it, and then I would be like chatting with my girlfriends about it, and not everyone had that same experience, they weren't like as in love with it as I was, and I couldn't figure it out.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, no, you're definitely doing something wrong.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that is not possible.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: So then I just started talking about it more and more, like all my girlfriends, like random people that I would meet, and I just would have these conversations with everybody.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: And this was kind of throughout my undergrad, and I was really lucky.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: I had a really great first boyfriend, and he was open to all kinds of different things and experimentation and all those types of things that we like learned together.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then, so when I was graduating my undergrad, I was like, okay, what do I want to do next?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because I had a health science degree, and I was like, Oh man, I need to do something.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, realistically, I would really want to be a sex therapist, but I'm 22, and there's no way I'm telling my dad that.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: So uh the next best thing, I was like, I'm gonna go to naturopathic school.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, still gonna help people, still gonna do things that I want to do, um, and it's a little bit of a safer career choice.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I went that route, but it never really left me.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I graduated naturopathic school, I was really trying to figure out what I wanted to do as a naturopath, and I was like, I just wish I could do sexual health, and I just couldn't for the longest time figure out how to put those two together, and then I just started chatting with more people about it, and I and I could see it.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: I I could see the way forward.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: I read a book by another naturopath who focuses in sexual health, and I was like, this, like this is me, this speaks to me, this is what I'm going to do, this is how I'm gonna help people.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my two passions put together.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: So that is that's kind of my story and how I got started in it.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's totally your calling.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime you talk about it, like you're just the way and the passion, everything you know about it, like I 100% see it for you too.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're like the sex expert.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like anytime I have a question, I'm just like, Erin will know the answer to this.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that I'll clarify, I will probably know the answer.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if that makes me an expert, but I will probably have heard of it, talked about it, learned something from somewhere, read a book, but yeah.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: So, where does sexual health start?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so this is really big.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Sexual health actually starts with you and yourself.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: So people think like, oh, sex, okay, I need a partner for this, and it's it's a big like rush, it's a big rush to have sex, and that I don't believe is accurate, and that I don't believe is true.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: Sex starts with you and your relationship with your body.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: So how do you like how do you feel in your skin?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you're willing to share that with somebody else, you also need to love what you're seeing and love who you are.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um so that's when like I discuss sexual health with any of my patients.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's where I start.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: I ask them, okay, how do you feel about yourself?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Do you like looking at yourself in the mirror?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: How much time do you spend naked?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: We don't spend as a side society, we don't spend enough time naked.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think I've been spending a lot of time naked, thanks to you, but I agree.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: So many people do not spend enough time naked.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you spend more time naked.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you need to spend time naked.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: You need to just be comfortable in your skin.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like sleeping naked.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: You sleep naked.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: I love sleeping naked.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: I just love being naked.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: I converted Liv, everybody.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: She did, I will admit.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: She was full long sleeve, long pants, pajamas.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, this needs to stop.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't think that sleeping naked could change your life, but it literally changes your life.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: It changes your life because you sleep better.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: You you you have a much you wake up feeling better and you feel better about yourself.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: And when you start that confidence starts trickling in, that confidence like goes into all aspects of your life that you're not even really, you wouldn't think that it would, but how you carry yourself and that confidence that shows up in your work, that shows up in your relationships with your friends, it shows up in all other aspects.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: So definitely that is something.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: And people like might ask me, like, okay, well, I don't like my body.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that is a separate issue.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you your confidence and your being naked, when you start to spend time naked, you will start to appreciate and love your body.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: A hundred percent.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: I can vouch for this because this happened to me, and then now I do this with my like my clients, and they're like, Oh my god, I can't believe like sleeping naked helps me more be more confident.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Yeah, it's it's like I vouch, it really does work.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I think that's just it's such an important thing to know.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like, even if you feel uncomfortable, even if you're not okay with it, just start sleeping naked, start being naked, and like maybe don't look in a mirror right away.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: But then when you do it and you're walking around, you're like, oh, I kind of like this.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then one day, you know, you glimpse in the mirror and you're like, okay, cool.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then and then you the next thing you know, you're making breakfast in your kitchen naked and you're loving your life.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: No, 100%, or even dancing naked.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: You catch a glimpse and you're like, oh, and then you're feeling yourself more.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's just all about that confidence, and that's where sexual health starts.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: It starts with you.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because if you don't have a good relationship with yourself sexually and intimacy, like how are you gonna have it with somebody else?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: No, you you need that confidence to to be able to share yourself with somebody else and actually like create a bond.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, what other areas would you say that like sexual health in your relationship with you, like what else can be done?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Besides like being naked, what else can people do?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about self-care.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: So not your traditional self-care.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: Not your traditional self-care.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, Liv talks about self-care all the time, okay?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: You talk about eating, eating right, fueling your body.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I want to talk about this more, but yes, go ahead.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, getting your sleep.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: We all see, like, we all see like the seven self-care tips that you need to be doing right now to live your bell's life.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, the one tip we are missing, the one tip that should be on that list is masturbation.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I said it, it's there, it's out there, it's masturbation.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like whenever people hear this word, they they're like they cringe or they feel like it's dirty, or they're like, ooh, my masturbation, ew.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Can you kind of like touch on that?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm sure there were people listening who are just like, oh my god, did she just say that?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, and I know that there were people listening who just said that.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: And it's true because especially us as females, we don't talk about it.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like when I was in high school, I didn't talk to my girlfriends about masturbating.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: That was not something that I ever discussed.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Do we talk about my guy friends masturbating?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, yeah.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: Why was that okay?
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, guys talk about, I feel like it's normal for guys to like, oh yeah, I did this, I did that.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's normal, but why is it not normal for women?
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's and it's not normal for women, and it's crazy because it should be, but that was not something we ever talked about.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's now I'm like, I'm telling it, like I tell all my girlfriends, I tell all my patients, like, do you masturbate?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: You should do it.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: Let's learn the health benefits, let's see why it should be part of your self-care routine.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just gonna put this out there it's part of my morning routine.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Every morning in the shower, I wake up, I have my lemon water, I exercise.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not even kidding.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: That is what I do.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: I wake up, I have my lemon water.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: I exercise.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: I sometimes meditate not as enough as I should.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: Then I shower, and in the shower I masturbate because that sets me up for the rest of my day.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: It just stress relief.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I need to like make some sort of like checklist for you and tag you on Instagram for like, have you done like your morning, like your lemon water and your masturbation?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: It always like your thing.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's I'm I'm okay, and I will own that because I think every single female should add it into their routine and just see all of the changes that happen because of it.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so like what are the changes and like why should they be adding it to the routine?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: So aside from the body confidence that we were talking about and the feeling good, like everybody feels good when they have an orgasm, we also need to look at like our immune function.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: So crazy, strange, but masturbation, an orgasm, actually increases your levels of IgA um immunoglobin, which is crazy.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's so crazy that it does that.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, forget the vitamin C, the vitamin D, I'm just gonna be having orgasms to lose my immune system.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: But seriously, so it actually like they've studied this.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: This is not this is not like out there, they've studied this, and having one to two orgasms a week has shown to increase your IgA by up to 30%, okay?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: And your IgA is your body's first line of defense against infection.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so we all need to be doing this.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it actually stops the bacteria and viruses from sticking to your mucosal cells, and that's how they enter.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: So when you have more IgA, you're actually fighting off those bacteria and those viruses, and you're not getting that cold.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: And we're coming into cold and flu season.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: People are worried about um COVID, it's going through your respiratory system.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: So, why would you not want to be boosting your mucosal cells?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't need a partner because you can do this on your own in order to boost your immune system and things like that.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this can be completely done on your own.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, and just add it in vitamin D drop, masturbation, vitamin C, you're good.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: What are other things that it's good for?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so after that, like I said, stress relief.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, we're also very stressed right now.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, just with everything going on, I can't say that nobody is experiencing no stress in their life.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: So masturbate, and like the other thing is this is a kind of the oxymoron of it.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: You don't think the last thing you want, okay.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna have to you're gonna have to cut this part out.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: But the last thing you want uh when you're stressed is you don't want someone touching you.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Most people, when they're stressed, they're anxious, they're they want to be left alone, they're on edge, and they feel really touchy, and they're like, don't touch me, stay away from me, I don't like this.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that's exactly when you need to masturbate because that cortisol is what's causing that stress response.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and you're very, very wired, you're very wired, and you need a way to bring that down.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, there's other ways you can bring that down, but this is a very simple quick fix.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Ten minutes.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Ten minutes or not even maybe, yeah.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but so basically, as um the when you have an orgasm, your oxytocin levels go up, and that brings your cortisol levels down.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: So it also brings your blood pressure down and it calms your nervous system.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: So that stress response, you have an instant feeling of relaxation.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, there are other other ways to do this, but the instant feeling of relaxation, I don't think you get from many other outlets.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um not like that.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: Not like that.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so why not?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Why not?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: Why not do it?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, I mean, I know this because I talk about my patients, even though sometimes when they tell me that they're stressed, I'm like, when's the last time you had an orgasm?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: When's the last time like you touch yourself, etc.?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it's crazy that like, oh, and they do it and they feel so much better after.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and you think about it, or like when you're stressed and you can't fall asleep at night and everything's running through your mind, and you have that high cortisol spike.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, this is why people have sex before going to bed.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: This is why sex puts you to sleep so well, because it calms you down and it relaxes you.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, you can do that with a partner or you can do it with yourself.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need a partner for this, you don't need a partner for those benefits.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, they will also have more benefits because the benefits of cuddling as well, more oxytocin, but you can get these on your own.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to come back to the whole like cuddling oxytocin thing, but for the people who are maybe listening who have never like masturbated, because honestly, so many people or so many women that I work with never have before, and I didn't realize like how common it is.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: So for those people listening who maybe haven't done it before, where could they start?
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like where they just don't know what to do.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: What would you what would you tell them to do or start, or yeah?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so this is a question that I get.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um masturbation starts, I would say, A, by seeing yourself naked, b by taking a mirror and checking yourself out.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: You need to understand where things are.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's true.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: You need to understand what your vulva looks like, and if you don't know, the vulva is the whole encompassing area of your genitals, I guess.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: The vagina is your vaginal canal, and your clitoris sits at the top of your vulva, and it's actually under your clitoral hood.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: So that gets pulled back to expose your clitoris when you're masturbating.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: Just so you know.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so where to start?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: I would start by getting naked and grabbing a mirror and checking out what you look like down there, just to explore and just to see.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then to go on from there, wash your hands.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, wash your hands or like just make sure they're not dirty, you don't want a UTI.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then just start touching yourself and see what happens.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: So kind of like exploring and just like exploring yourself.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: There's no like right or wrong way to do it, really.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely no right or wrong way to do it.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and also you don't need to just start touching your clitoris right away either.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Touch all the areas surrounding, like your inner thighs are sensitive.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Try try other body parts just to see how you feel, and then you can start touching your clitoris, okay?
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: An important thing to know is that pleasure and orgasm, yes, are related, but no, they're not the same thing.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: You can experience a significant deal of pleasure without having an orgasm.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I think a lot of women get really caught up on the fact that they want to have an orgasm, and yes, ultimately that is the goal.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're just beginning and you're experiencing pleasure, that is great.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: That is phenomenal.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: You are starting to learn about your body and an orgasm will come.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: So don't get caught up if you're not having one right away or having one right now.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get caught up in it.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's like you would never, it's a new it's a skill.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny, but it's kind of a skill.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: And you would never expect to master a skill right away.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, no, the first time you masturbate, I don't expect you to have an orgasm.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: No, the first time you have sex, I don't expect you to have an orgasm.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Probably not even the 20th time.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: But then one day you'll get there.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: And all those other times, yes, they still felt good.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you still experienced pleasure, and you were working towards something.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's really important to note and to be okay with.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because so many people get caught up in that, and then they get two in their head, and then it is the whole thing kind of like goes kaput or like explodes.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so then we'll talk about something that I think is funny, and hopefully, Liv doesn't mind.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: What I buy for all my female friends when it's like birthdays, Christmas, present time, I buy everybody a vibrator.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, I believe I agree.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I believe every woman should have one.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's better than trying to do it yourself, to be honest.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: I I also think it's better than trying to do it yourself.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: So, like when we're in this masturbation journey, I think at one point a vibrator is your, you know, that's where you go.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: You go to a vibrator, and that helps.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I've bought a lot of vibrators for a lot of people.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, when when my girlfriends say they don't have one, I'm like, you don't know what you're missing out, you wait, and I'll get you one.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, no affiliation here, but uh they now have these vibrators.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, like traditionally, it was that high frequency speedy vibrator that if you used it too much, you felt numb.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: They now have air pulse technology vibrators and they suction on and off, and this really helps you it increases blood flow to the uh pltoral tissue, and that actually really helps you achieve an orgasm.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: So if you want to masturbate, if you want to learn about your body, if you want to try and achieve an orgasm on your own, the air pulse technology vibrator is what I would recommend to help you get there.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: As opposed to those other ones that are like what are the other ones called?
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I guess they don't have any?
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: I don't, I don't, I don't know.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: I think they're just a lot of different things.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: Just the ones with the suction and the air pulse is the better one.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: That yeah, and so no affiliation, but the satisfier is the brand that I know because it's the original and I recommend to people.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but they're great.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it's it's just it's simulates sex and sexual activities a lot better.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so it's made for the female body by females.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: So they can add this with their Sunday self-care routine.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: It would actually, I think, help like the Sunday scaries.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone who gets the Sunday scaries would just like whip out their what is it called, the satisfier and just go to town, have fun.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: I think it really helps.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, and that's that's what I would do.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the other thing, then, if we're gonna go into this, I should I should mention that only 30% of females have an orgasm from internal penetration.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: So if I wasn't being clear before and I've been talking about uh masturbating with the clitoris, that's on an external tissue.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um so penetration is penetration's great, but penetration is not necessarily the best way to have an orgasm.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you will experience pleasure, like I said, they're related, but they're not the same.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but for most females, they actually get an have an can achieve an orgasm from plitoral stimulation, and that's a huge part.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Of rethinking how we think about sex.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because we always think about it in terms of like penetration.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, we think about sex in terms of penetration, and that's kind of the end goal.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: And especially as you age and you have sex more and more, I feel like the foreplay part shrinks and the uh penetration part becomes more of the main event, and that doesn't work for women.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I I saw that I heard this on a podcast.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um that he said foreplay should be core play, and I 100% agree.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: That should be the new motto.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Core play should be that's so true.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: That is for sure, for sure the motto.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, only only 30% of females are achieving orgasm internally.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: So if you want to feel good, it's also pay attention to your your clitoris and your external genitalia, because that is so important.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not like just one thing, it's like a combo of things like like that and this and that, and how it all kind of like fits together.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, it's exactly how it all fits together.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: So before even like getting to like the penetration and the sex, you mentioned like foreplay is core play.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: What about like how intimacy ties into like foreplay?
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how does that kind of look?
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so let's talk about the female arousal cycle, and then we'll kind of circle back to intimacy.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I love the female arousal cycle.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you who don't know, you're about to learn a lot.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or I was gonna say, and we'll put intimacy in there as well.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: So what you when you don't think about, okay, so when you're when you're a teen or when you're starting off on your sexual experiences, you get excited by holding somebody's hand.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Those were the days.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: You get when you hold hands, you you think like the world is exploding.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: You have your first kiss, it's magical.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: You you cuddle on the couch, you're like, oh my god.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, all of those little moments, those are building intimacy with your partner.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then at some point we forget about them.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they kind of just like drop off, or you get into a habit, or you know, if you've been together a long time, I feel like that happens to a lot of people where they just like stop.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that's they're super, super important for how females become aroused and the female arousal cycle.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to think back to that time and how turned on you were, and now think about now.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: And do you get that same level of excitement?
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: And if not, you should be, you should be, and why aren't you doing those things anymore?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so um female, like it's not like the movies, and males and females have different arousal cycles.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I feel like we've been done a huge disservice because in movies you s like start kissing, and then all of a sudden you're having penetrative sex and it's all within 30 seconds, and it's the best time of your life.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that's not necessarily accurate.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: So if we're looking at what is real and what happens, is when you're with somebody, there's that level of emotional um intimacy, and you feel like you trust them and you care about them, and you have those moments and those connections, and that emotional connection um can motivate you as like a sexually neutral woman, woman.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: So you can be sexually neutral, but with those feelings of love, you can be responsive to sexual stimuli.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so if we're looking at the circle, you can become responsive to sexual stimuli.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: So this basically means is that you don't have to be turned on or aroused necessarily to derive pleasure from sex, but you can you can be open to it happening to you.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: So if you love the person, care about the person, and you are stimulated, you can become aroused.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think that's important for women to know.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: So not necessarily like, oh, I'm not turned on, I don't want to do this, my body's not interested.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, if I try doing this, will my body become turned on?
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: This happens all the time.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because people will tell me my clients, oh, I'm not in the mood, I'm not in the mood, but it's because you you need to go there, and just that's the way the females work.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the same as guys who guys are just like, oh, I want to bang, I want to do it, and they're like good to go.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so you can you can go there and be turned on into the mood.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: So this is not the like I'm not at all saying like you have to, I'm careful line here.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying like if you're never like if you're not in the mood and you will have sex and like that will be great.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: No, but there is the possibility of this happening, and if you're trying it and it's still not working, okay, like let's look at other reasons.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: But you can respond to sexual stimuli.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: So if you are being sexually stimulated and you respond, you can become aroused.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: So that's the next, that's the next step.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: So you have a sexual stimulus, and then you physiologically and biologically you become aroused.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: So you might start producing lubrication, you might start being turned on, okay?
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that leads to your sexual arousal, and then you're like, oh, okay, now I want to engage in sex.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: Now I want to have sex.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like your partner kind of like starts something, and then you're like, oh, I wasn't into it, but like I'm feeling this now.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: And it goes both ways.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can start something too.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: You can think, huh, like I want to have sex, or I want to have an orgasm.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I don't think about it in this exact minute, but I can get there.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: So you can also start by doing things to create your sexual stimuli, and they respond, and you respond.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: And then um, yeah, you can arousal, you can have sexual arousal and desire, right?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: That creates desire, and then that together can you can achieve an orgasm from that.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: And this is kind of like where the foreplay is core play kind of comes in.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, right, these are all all these sexual stimuli that's that we're not talking about penetration, right?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because at that point, you're not lubricated, you're not aroused, and that will be painful and uncomfortable.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I've heard you say this before.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I don't even know the correct wording, but you've said something that like like the penetration is like the last thing, it's like the last step.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's about everything else before, basically.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: Good sex is about all the other things that come before it.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's about you know, the whole day leading up to it and your relationship and the looks you give each other and when you squeeze his bum when you walk by him in the kitchen or whatever you do, and then and then all of the foreplay, which I'm putting in quotation marks, because I hate the word foreplay.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: I I just don't think why do you hate the word foreplay?
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think it should be core play.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think I don't think it has enough weight.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's true.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: There needs to be more weight on it.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think there needs to be more weight, and I think the word foreplay diminishes its true value.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where a lot of people are missing right now is they don't spend enough time in the foreplay, and then they wonder why everything else is kind of like dumb shit.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because you as a female, you need that to become aroused.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: You need you need that so that you can enjoy penetration and so you can get there.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: And then the best part about this whole thing is a female arousal cycle is a positive feedback loop.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: So the more times you engage in sexual activity, the more you want to engage in sexual activity.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not like, oh, if someone's scared if I do it too much, I'm not gonna want to do it anymore.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's not true.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: No, not at all.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually the opposite.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: And the op and the opposite of that is true as well.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like the less sex you have, the less you feel like you need it, and you kind of can forget about it.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it can kind of you can forget about it and it goes out of your mind.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: So with the cycle, like the so we're getting aroused, we kind of have that foreplay, then we kind of have the the stimulation, we're getting like maybe like the lubrication or whatever it is, and then what was next in the cycle?
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: Lubrication, uh, enjoyment.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoyment, and then it kind of like starts all over again.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of like the full cycle.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: The full cycle, yeah.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: I think so.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's definitely uh that's that's the basics of it, that's how it goes, and that's why it's uh so important.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to jump to okay, I'm sure we all know like the benefits of having an orgasm because obviously it feels good.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: We touched on like stress relief when it's like by yourself and immune things.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: Are there any other like things you want to touch on in terms of like the benefits?
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: The benefits.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um well, we also touched on body confidence.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: So also, like the more someone is probably having an orgasm, the more confident they'll get in their body, correct?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it changes your relationship with your body.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: What if someone is like too in their head and they feel like they're too in their head because of body confidence, everything, to have one, whether it's by themselves or with a partner?
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: What advice would you give to them?
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: So when they're like, oh my god, he's looking at me.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I think he maybe sees some celulate, or like I don't have abs or whatever it is.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: What would you tell them?
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I always start when this comes up with patients, I always start with, okay, let's separate yourself, like your self-pleasure and your pleasure with a partner.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: And are you able to achieve an orgasm?
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, if you can do it on your own, okay, that's great.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: So now that anxiety can actually block you from producing lubrication, can block you from feeling pleasure.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so, funny, as funny as this sounds, I get my patients to do breathing exercises.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what do you mean?
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of breathing exercises?
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like box breathing exercises.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like during like during foreplay or like when?
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh before before they engage in sexual activity.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll get them to do breathing exercises because that anxiety um is gonna block your arousal cycle, and it can actually, because you're not producing any lubrication, it can actually be quite painful.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then when there's pain associated with an activity, your body wants to do that less.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: So the more you do something against your body's wishes, the less likely your body's gonna be willing to do it.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it actually can get a lot worse.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so we do breathing exercises to calm down.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I really like that tip.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's such a good tip.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: What I always tell my people is that like they're just glad to be having sex with you.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, really, you're overthinking it.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I told you.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: But like it's so true.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you're overthinking it, like, you know, they're just happy to be doing it.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's absolutely true.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: And that is my philosophy, like a hundred percent.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I'd I I feel like from a doctor perspective, I have to be a little bit no, I know, but I really like they're dead, but also like just to be perfectly blunt, like they're also just you know, the partner's happy to be doing it.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and chances are you're doing it with someone who you know you care about, so like they're just happy that you're doing it.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that's a big thing that people don't realize.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you're not if they're turned on, it's not like all of a sudden they're gonna look at you and say, Oh my gosh, she has a dimple, right?
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_01: And lose an erection and stand up, put other clothes on and leave.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if that is the case, that is a horrible human being.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I've never heard of anyone doing that, but yeah, I've never heard of anyone doing that either.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I think, and we know this as females, we are the hardest critics on ourselves.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so we say the harshest things about ourselves, we pick apart our bodies the most, we compare ourselves the the absolute most more than anybody else.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you have to see like what you see is not what they see.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_01: How you feel about your body is not how they feel about your body.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's it's weird, but it's a you have to separate that.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: You have to you have to separate that, and that's kind of in that self, like self-love and compassion piece.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, if you're willing to have, if you're not willing, that's not appropriate.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: But if you want to have sex with somebody and they want to have sex with you, um, and you've already gotten to the stage where you're both there, your your body's not an issue.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, even with the lights on, it's not an issue.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, with the lights on in the living room, on the couch, whatever, it's not the issue.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: If you've gotten to the place where you're turned on and they're turned on, there's not gonna be any change when you take your clothes off.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's a huge piece that people don't understand.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so and the confidence, I think the biggest change in that would be if your confidence changes.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: So if you take your clothes off and you you're hiding and you won't let somebody see you, and you you completely change your personality, that can kill the mood.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think it's more about that than someone's actual body to begin with.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's more like how you well, they always say that, like, you know, confidence is sexy, etc.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like how you that energy you're putting out.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's exactly that.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's the energy you put out.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: So you've gotten to that place, you're you're excited, they're excited, you keep that same level of excitement going forward, you're going to have a good time.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's how it works.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_01: If you completely change your demeanor and you hide and you need blankets and you need dark, and it's becomes this whole production, okay.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you might have killed the mood, and yeah, it might be related to your body, but not because they're the ones having an issue with it.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you're might be having the issue with it.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I know we talked about like being naked can help that.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: What are other things you've recommended to people to help them, you know, be more confident or be more okay in their bodies?
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_00: What more things can people do?
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so being naked is huge.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: Just you need to be comfortable being naked so someone else can see you naked.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but honestly, I get people to do breathing exercises to just relax and be confident.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um I get people to look in the mirror and do mirror talk and say like that's scary for a lot of people.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: I know, I know.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, even just starting out though with like hi, I think you're pretty.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: Just like I like that hat, I think you're pretty.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: First sentence.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and then it is scary.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_01: But the other thing, once you do something over and over and over again, yeah, it gets easier.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it does.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, yeah, it's really scary, but keep keep working at it.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then you know, one day you look in the mirror, you're naked, and you're like, damn, you are so sexy.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, I love it.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_01: And yet changes your posture, changes the way you carry yourself, and you exude that confidence.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: And your body may not have necessarily changed for any of that to happen.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't need to lose weight or change your body in any way or whatever to have that happen.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: That can happen the same way where you are, and then you just love yourself differently, and then like whatever else is whatever, but you can change that just with with your mind.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: I absolutely think that.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: And even with the naked, like, it's probably gonna be uncomfortable for a lot of people at first, too, whether it's sleeping naked or walking around naked.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, close your blinds, maybe also, but like that's probably uncomfortable the first few times that you do that too.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely, but that's the thing, right?
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: You to make big gains, sometimes you've got to step outside your comfort zone.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_01: Rip off that band-aid, rip off the band-aid.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if you want to fully experience pleasure, you want to get to the place where you can have a fulfilling um relationship, like either with yourself or a partner, you need to do those things to get there.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: And in my personal opinion, if you're gonna choose a partner and you're gonna stay with them and you're gonna be with them for life, why are you not working towards the best sex of your life?
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, you should be.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like it should always be getting better.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: It should be the best sex of your life, always.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why are you not okay?
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, there's gonna be lulls and there's gonna be things, but like, why are you not working towards something great?
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's like crazy if you're not.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think a lot of the time people also forget about that intimacy thing, especially, you know, in those relationships.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: They forget about the intimacy and they kind of just go right for the penetration or whatever, and they don't build it up.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's honestly where a lot of the issue arises.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_01: It it definitely is.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: I actually read something online today, and it was how uh I think the title was like how walking an hour a day saved my marriage.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_01: And it was literally because these this couple had been married for a long time.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: They had, they had, I think like two daughters, like tween, tween age, and they didn't actually spend any time communicating with each other, right?
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, they slept in the same bed and they talked about the fundamentals of like work and who was gonna take who to dance practice and drop who off at school and do this and that, but it was all so technical, and it wasn't there was no like relationship left, yeah, right?
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_01: So they're not getting those butterflies for each other.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: So then what can people do to start to build back that intimacy if they've forgotten?
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know it sounds basic, but I think a lot of people forget about the basics of intimacy.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, what are like little things people can be doing to build that intimacy in their relationships?
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think that walk one is good.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: Just going for a walk, not taking your phone, just chatting, spending even like going to bed at the same time is very important.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_01: Putting your phone away when you're eating meals and chatting.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, like actually talking.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: No, I grew up with no phones at the dinner table.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_01: I even like if I was to go home now, I would not be allowed to have a phone at the dinner table.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I hate when I'm eating with someone or out and they they're on a phone because why am I there?
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're here to communicate and we're here to like build our relate relationship or like nurture our relationship.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_01: So let's focus on that.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, no phones at dinner, going to bed at the same time, spending quality time together.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, another thing that I think is also overlooked is touch that's not necessarily like sexual or with the goal of like penetration.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: That it's a I was gonna go there.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: Holding hands.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: Holding hands is like so cute.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: I love holding hands.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_01: Why do people like just I love holding hands too?
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but holding hands is you know, doing that, or when you're walking past them, those like those touches, those little touches, like those little strokes, things like that.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: You're like grabbing their side or whatever, like you know, yeah, those little those little touches and moments, like you're creating moments and those are building intimacy.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's what um those are like the little things that you can do.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then the last thing I'm gonna say is learn their love language.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, everybody, I feel like everyone is not like this should be like a first date.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is your love language?
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: These are mine, because like for understanding people, huge, huge.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_01: So learn how they feel loved, and learn how you feel loved.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is huge for so many people.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because the way you show love might not be the way they need to receive it, yeah, and the way that they show love might not be the way you need to receive it.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_01: So find out and make sure you do some of those things.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: And make sure they know that you love them and you're loving them in the way that they need to be loved.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's gonna build intimacy and that's gonna build everything in in the long run.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that that will definitely build some intimacy in your relationship.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you so much for being here.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think we covered a lot in this episode.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_00: One thing I do like to ask all my guests is what does it mean to you to live well?
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so thank you so much for having me.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: This is fun.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's like we chat all the time, and so this time it's kind of fun to actually get to be on here and and share what I love with all of the people who love you.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so for me to live well, I think it really means to love yourself, have confidence, uh, nurture your relationships um and make sure that you are experiencing the most pleasure in all aspects of your life.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I just, well, everyone's homework today definitely is going to be to go home and have an orgasm, whether it's by yourself or with the partner.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's homework today is to go and have one, you know, de-stress, boost your immune system, because like who can deny that?
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and bring more pleasure into your life through like intimacy, and you can even be like, there's intimacy with yourself.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know we briefly talked about building intimacy with a partner, but you can also build, you know, intimacy, kind of like romanticize yourself.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_00: Take yourself out on a date, show yourself love in those ways and everything like that.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's no reason we also can't build intimacy with ourselves, I think.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, self-love.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm all here for it, and I think it is so important because before you're gonna share yourself with somebody, you need to love yourself to be there.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yes, we need to like end this episode with that.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I see so many people trying to like if you don't love yourself first, you're never gonna feel fully loved in a relationship.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_00: And like that's like something I've learned in like 2020, 100%.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd love that like right now ending it with that because I think it's so important.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: Love yourself first so that other people can love you.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, and then you're confident in yourself and you know what you deserve, you know what you're worth, and you're gonna attract that out in the universe.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love this.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is a great little end to the episode.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, thanks again for being here.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, where can everyone find you?
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: Pimp yourself out.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so I'm a Toronto-based uh naturopath.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_01: I have a practice in downtown.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_01: You can find me on Instagram at drarinlush.nd.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I also have my website, uh drarinlush.com.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_01: And everything will be in the show notes.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_01: So you can find me on those platforms.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'll link everything in the show notes.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: If you're Toronto-based um women's health, sexual health, anything like that, pelvic floor, everything.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, pelvic floor.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_01: I also do pelvic floor health as well.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_01: So if you want to get back to having sex after you've had a baby, yeah.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_01: If you're going through menopause and you know you're struggling there, I'll help you.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: Everything in between.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you so much for being here.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you guys enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to give it a five star rating and review so that more people can discover it.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I have a feeling that you're gonna be back on this podcast because people are gonna have lots of questions after this episode.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for being here.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks you guys for watching, and I will see you in the next episode.