Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #226| Reduce Overwhelm and Build Productivity by Honoring Your Natural Tendencies
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: Some people seem to be able to stick to habits almost effortlessly, and others seem to struggle no matter how hard they try.
- 0:11Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:19Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:24Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
- 0:29Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:36Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:39Michelle Gauthier: Today I'm doing a book review of the four tendencies.
- 0:43Michelle Gauthier: In the book, the author, Gretchen Rubin, explains how understanding the way that you respond to inner and outer expectations, so an expectation you have of yourself versus an expectation that someone else gives you, like a deadline at work or something.
- 0:55Michelle Gauthier: When you understand your tendency of how you manage those, it helps you build better habits and improve your own productivity and reduce overwhelm by working with your natural tendencies instead of against them.
- 1:07Michelle Gauthier: I'm reviewing this book so that you can learn about this concept at a high level because I think it's super helpful even to understand it conceptually.
- 1:14Michelle Gauthier: You'll probably be able to identify what your own tendency is.
- 1:18Michelle Gauthier: But when you listen today, you'll learn why people respond differently to expectations, the four personality tendencies that explain why you respond the way that you do and how knowing yours can reduce frustration and self-judgment.
- 1:32Michelle Gauthier: So the goal is not to change what your tendency is, but to maximize your own tendency by using some strategies.
- 1:39Michelle Gauthier: So it will be, I think, a very enlightening episode.
- 1:42Michelle Gauthier: It helped me understand not only my tendency, but also my partner's tendency, my children's tendencies, and it just makes working with people easier.
- 1:52Michelle Gauthier: Today's episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth.
- 1:55Michelle Gauthier: I've talked to you guys about the pajamas to die for.
- 1:58Michelle Gauthier: I talked to you about the sheets, also to die for.
- 2:01Michelle Gauthier: And today I'm going to tell you about my other favorite thing from Cozy Earth, which is their classic cuddle blanket.
- 2:07Michelle Gauthier: It's a throw, maybe a little bigger than a throw, but it's super plush.
- 2:11Michelle Gauthier: The one that I got is weighted, so it's heavy.
- 2:14Michelle Gauthier: I sleep with a weighted blanket every night, so I love a heavy blanket.
- 2:18Michelle Gauthier: And it's funny because when mine arrived, my friend Leah was visiting me from out of town, and it couldn't have been a better scene to receive this cuddle blanket.
- 2:26Michelle Gauthier: So we're sitting in these two chairs next to my fireplace.
- 2:28Michelle Gauthier: We have a fire going.
- 2:30Michelle Gauthier: We're just chatting and catching up, and it's freezing cold outside where I live in St.
- 2:35Michelle Gauthier: Louis.
- 2:35Michelle Gauthier: And we get this package, and it is the cuddle blanket that I ordered.
- 2:40Michelle Gauthier: And we opened it up and I handed it to her, and we were in disbelief of how thick and cozy and warm it is.
- 2:47Michelle Gauthier: And I said, You're the guest, you've got to have this first.
- 2:50Michelle Gauthier: And so she sat with that cuddle blanket for the whole evening next to my fireplace.
- 2:54Michelle Gauthier: I even took a picture, it was so picturesque.
- 2:57Michelle Gauthier: It is warm, it is luxurious, it is all of the things that you want to just settle in after a day of, you know, being in the world.
- 3:05Michelle Gauthier: And just like everything from Cozy Earth, it has a 10-year warranty because once you feel this level of comfort, you'll want it to last forever.
- 3:13Michelle Gauthier: I promise.
- 3:13Michelle Gauthier: So if you've been craving a little extra special comfort this winter, wrap yourself or somebody else up in this classic cuddle blanket.
- 3:22Michelle Gauthier: You can use my code OWW for overwhelmed working woman for up to 20% off at cozyearth.com.
- 3:29Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so the first important point to understand in order to get an overview of this book is that people respond differently to expectations.
- 3:38Michelle Gauthier: We all respond differently to outer expectations, like deadlines and requests from other people.
- 3:44Michelle Gauthier: And we all respond differently to inner expectations, like personal goals or habits that we set up for ourselves.
- 3:50Michelle Gauthier: Some people easily meet both, some meet one but not the other, and some just naturally resist both.
- 3:56Michelle Gauthier: And once you understand this, you'll stop labeling yourself as like lazy or undisciplined or bad at time management or bad at creating habits.
- 4:04Michelle Gauthier: I'm gonna explain the four tendencies and I'm gonna explain what they are and then give you an example of what this type of person, if this is their tendency, would do if they had the expectation that they needed to start working out three times a week.
- 4:18Michelle Gauthier: So let's imagine a scenario where their doctor has said, Hey, you should start working out three times a week, or they themselves have said, I really want to start working out three times a week.
- 4:27Michelle Gauthier: There's this expectation that's put out there.
- 4:30Michelle Gauthier: The first type is an upholder.
- 4:33Michelle Gauthier: Upholders are good at meeting inner and outer expectations.
- 4:37Michelle Gauthier: So if they came up with that goal for themselves, or if the doctor told them to do it, they would say, I said I'm gonna work out three times a week.
- 4:45Michelle Gauthier: So I will, they'll schedule it, they'll show up, they'll follow through, and they'll feel uncomfortable if they don't.
- 4:50Michelle Gauthier: So if they skip a workout, they're gonna be thinking about it.
- 4:53Michelle Gauthier: They'll feel internally unsettled.
- 4:55Michelle Gauthier: The second type is a questioner.
- 4:58Michelle Gauthier: So a questioner will respond to outer and inner expectations if it makes sense to them.
- 5:04Michelle Gauthier: So where an obliger would just be like, okay, yep, I'm gonna do that.
- 5:08Michelle Gauthier: A questioner might ask, why do I need to work out three times a week?
- 5:12Michelle Gauthier: Is that the optimal number?
- 5:13Michelle Gauthier: They'll research the science behind that, they'll want to know the reasoning.
- 5:17Michelle Gauthier: And then if it makes sense, they'll commit.
- 5:19Michelle Gauthier: And if it feels random or arbitrary, they won't.
- 5:21Michelle Gauthier: So they're not really resisting the workout, they're resisting rules or expectations without logic that doesn't make sense to them.
- 5:29Michelle Gauthier: The third type is an obliger.
- 5:31Michelle Gauthier: Obligers are very good at meeting other people's expectations and very not good at meeting their own expectations.
- 5:37Michelle Gauthier: So this could be a person who is a people pleaser as well.
- 5:41Michelle Gauthier: In their case, they might say, Well, if my friend is going to the gym and they're expecting me to be there, I'll be there.
- 5:47Michelle Gauthier: So if my friend's going three times a week and she's expecting me, I'll be there.
- 5:50Michelle Gauthier: But if she's just going and trying to start this habit on her own, not knowing anyone, no one else is involved, she would have a harder time doing it.
- 5:58Michelle Gauthier: So these people will show up if someone expects them.
- 6:00Michelle Gauthier: They'll struggle if it's just for themselves, and they'll cancel on themselves more easily than other tendencies would.
- 6:07Michelle Gauthier: The fourth one, which is the last one, is a rebel.
- 6:10Michelle Gauthier: Rebels don't like being told what to do.
- 6:12Michelle Gauthier: So they resist expectations that are both outer, external expectations, and internal expectations.
- 6:19Michelle Gauthier: The more they feel forced, the less likely they are to do it.
- 6:23Michelle Gauthier: So for example, if someone said, Hey, rebel, you need to work out three times a week, or even if the rebel told themselves that if they felt forced or like someone wanted them to do it, they would immediately not want to do it.
- 6:34Michelle Gauthier: And they respond better to a choice like, do I feel like moving today?
- 6:38Michelle Gauthier: What kind of workout sounds good for today?
- 6:40Michelle Gauthier: And not having so much structure around it.
- 6:42Michelle Gauthier: So they need autonomy and not structure.
- 6:45Michelle Gauthier: So if you think about those and the differences between those four things, that's a huge difference if you're considering the people in your family, the people who you work with, you yourself, how you respond to things.
- 6:56Michelle Gauthier: If you weren't sure which one of those you are, you can take the quiz and we'll link it in the show notes, but there's a quiz on the author website.
- 7:03Michelle Gauthier: It will give you the result and then it will also tell you some great tips about whichever tendency you have.
- 7:10Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so the third main thing that I took from this book is understand what your tendency is and then know what that means for you so that you can be productive and not feel overwhelmed.
- 7:21Michelle Gauthier: Obligers need external accountability.
- 7:24Michelle Gauthier: So those are the people who are great at doing things for other people, but not for themselves.
- 7:28Michelle Gauthier: If that's you and you're trying to build a new habit, it would be great for you to build in external accountability with someone.
- 7:34Michelle Gauthier: Questioners need strong reasoning.
- 7:37Michelle Gauthier: So let's just say you have a child who's a questioner or you yourself who is a questioner.
- 7:41Michelle Gauthier: You could, when you're trying to give them an expectation, say, okay, let's talk about it.
- 7:45Michelle Gauthier: What kinds of questions do you have about this?
- 7:47Michelle Gauthier: And encourage them to ask their questions.
- 7:50Michelle Gauthier: And if you know you're a questioner, you can say, okay, I hear what you're asking me to do, but I just need clarification on a couple things.
- 7:56Michelle Gauthier: Upholders, this is me, upholders need structure.
- 8:00Michelle Gauthier: Upholders are good at meeting internal and external expectations, but they need structure.
- 8:05Michelle Gauthier: So it can be hard when something about the internal or the external expectations changes or situations change.
- 8:12Michelle Gauthier: You need structure in order to be effective.
- 8:15Michelle Gauthier: And when there isn't structure or there are last-minute changes, that could be stressful to you.
- 8:19Michelle Gauthier: It's just useful to know.
- 8:21Michelle Gauthier: And then rebels need choice and they need autonomy.
- 8:24Michelle Gauthier: These are people who naturally resist expectations, both internal and external.
- 8:28Michelle Gauthier: So if you're working with a person who's a rebel, you may want to just give them choices or ask them how they think you should solve the problem.
- 8:35Michelle Gauthier: Because when you try to force yourself or someone else into a tendency that doesn't fit, you just create frustration and overwhelm.
- 8:43Michelle Gauthier: Anytime you work with the way that your brain already works, the way that your personality is, it's going to be so much more affected and things will feel easier.
- 8:50Michelle Gauthier: If I could just magically make everyone in the world understand themselves and work with who they are instead of trying to change into someone else, I would.
- 9:01Michelle Gauthier: I just think it's the most powerful place to work from.
- 9:03Michelle Gauthier: So big picture summary from the four tendencies.
- 9:06Michelle Gauthier: People respond differently to expectations.
- 9:09Michelle Gauthier: There are four predictable tendencies: upholder, questioner, obliger, and rebel.
- 9:15Michelle Gauthier: And success comes from designing habits and systems that align with your own tendency.
- 9:21Michelle Gauthier: This framework is really all about understanding yourself so you can reduce overwhelm and build productivity in a way that actually works for you.
- 9:28Michelle Gauthier: That's all for today.
- 9:29Michelle Gauthier: Hope you learned a little something and are maybe considering reading this book.
- 9:33Michelle Gauthier: I really enjoyed it myself.
- 9:34Michelle Gauthier: Have a great week.
- 9:40Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 9:43Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 9:49Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.