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Why Narcissists are Never Happy - No Matter What You Do · Surviving Narcissistic Abuse with Jill Wise

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone, and thank you so much for joining me on my podcast all about surviving narcissistic abuse.
0:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Jill Wise, and today we are going to talk about something I think almost every survivor eventually asks themselves.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: Why are narcissists never happy?
0:19
SPEAKER_00: Why does nothing ever seem to be enough?
0:22
SPEAKER_00: You can give them what they're asking for, change the thing they complained about, become more patient, more understanding, more affectionate, more forgiving, and somehow you still end up right back in the same place.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: They're dissatisfied again.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: They're criticizing something again.
0:43
SPEAKER_00: And somehow, once again, their unhappiness becomes your responsibility.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: And this is one of the most exhausting aspects of narcissistic abuse because in the beginning, you genuinely believe there is a solution.
0:59
SPEAKER_00: You think there must be some combination of behaviors that will finally make the relationship work.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: If I communicate better, maybe they'll stop getting angry.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: If I'm more affectionate, maybe they won't feel neglected.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: If I give them more attention, maybe then they'll feel secure.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: If I stop bringing up things that bother me, maybe we'll stop fighting.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: If I become more successful, less successful, more independent, less independent, talk more, talk less, need less, give more, maybe then we'll finally have peace.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: So you keep adjusting yourself because you believe you're moving towards a finish line.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: But unfortunately, what you don't realize is that the finish line keeps moving and it's never going to stop moving.
1:54
SPEAKER_00: And I think understanding these moving goal posts is critically important.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: In healthy relationships, somebody can identify a problem, communicate about it, work toward a solution, and actually experience satisfaction when the problem improves.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: But in many narcissistic relationships, resolution is strangely elusive because the complaint itself is usually not actually the real problem.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: You believe you're solving what they've asked you to solve, but the moment you do, something else becomes wrong.
2:33
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they complained that you worked too much, so you rearrange your schedule.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: Now you're around too much.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they said you weren't affectionate enough.
2:45
SPEAKER_00: So you become more affectionate.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: Now you're needy.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they told you that you weren't ambitious enough, so you start pursuing your career more seriously.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: Now you care more about your job than you care about them.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they criticized your appearance, so you begin taking better care of yourself.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: But now suddenly they're jealous because other people might notice you.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: You cannot win because you can't win a game where the rules change every time you begin succeeding.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: And survivors can spend years trying to apply logic to something that isn't operating according to normal relational logic.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: You're thinking, tell me what the problem is and I'll try and fix it.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: But if criticism is also functioning to fulfill their need for control, superiority, emotional regulation, or a way of keeping you striving for their approval, fixing the complaint doesn't necessarily fix the dynamic.
3:56
SPEAKER_00: The complaint changes, but the structure remains the same.
4:00
SPEAKER_00: They are dissatisfied, and you are responsible for fixing it.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: And over time, you can begin feeling as though you're constantly auditioning for your own relationship.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: You're always trying to become the version of yourself that will finally be good enough to receive consistent love, respect, affection, or peace.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: One day they want you independent, the next day your independence threatens them.
4:29
SPEAKER_00: One day they admire your confidence.
4:32
SPEAKER_00: Later, that confidence becomes arrogance.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: And some of the very qualities they initially seem to love about you eventually become the qualities they criticize.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: Your independence was attractive until you exercised it.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: Your intelligence was attractive until you questioned them.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: Your success was attractive until it drew attention away from them.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: Your loyalty was attractive until you realized loyalty did not require tolerating abuse.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: And suddenly you can find yourself being punished for becoming exactly the person they once claimed to admire.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: And this is where we need to talk about happiness and what that actually means.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: For psychologically healthy people, happiness can come from connection, gratitude, intimacy, meaning, purpose, relationships, experiences, and a reasonably stable sense of self.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: But narcissistic functioning depends much more heavily on external regulation.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: Things like attention, admiration, validation, status, control, winning, superiority, being desired, being right.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: Those things may provide gratification, but gratification is not the same thing as stable internal contentment.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly why the satisfaction often doesn't last.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: The compliment feels good, but the feeling fades.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: The promotion feels good until somebody else has a better position.
6:13
SPEAKER_00: The new relationship feels exciting until that person becomes familiar.
6:18
SPEAKER_00: The expensive purchase feels impressive until it becomes ordinary.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: Winning an argument feels powerful until there's another argument to win.
6:29
SPEAKER_00: So the narcissist will continually seek something outside of themselves to regulate something happening inside them.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: And survivors look at this and think, what else could you possibly need?
6:44
SPEAKER_00: You gave them love, you gave them loyalty, you gave them your time, you may have given them emotional support, forgiveness, second chances, tenth chances.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: You may have sacrificed friendships, opportunities, sleep, peace, and pieces of yourself trying to create a life they would finally appreciate.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: And instead of arriving at gratitude, they simply developed yet another complaint.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: And this is where I want to bring up gratitude because it's very important to understand.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: Genuine gratitude and chronic entitlement don't coexist very well.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: Gratitude says, I recognize what you've given me and I appreciate it.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: Entitlement says, of course you did that.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: You should have.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: When someone feels entitled to your effort, extraordinary effort can very quickly become the minimum expectation.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: Something you once did out of love becomes something you're now expected to do.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: And eventually the one time you don't do it becomes more important than the hundred times that you did do it.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: And this creates a bizarre emotional accounting system where everything you give is quickly forgotten while every perceived failure is permanently entered into evidence.
8:17
SPEAKER_00: You can do ninety-nine things right and spend the entire evening discussing the one thing they believe you did wrong.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: You can spend years supporting someone and during one argument here, you've never supported me.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: You can repeatedly demonstrate love and still be accused of not loving them.
8:41
SPEAKER_00: And because you're conscientious, you begin wondering whether they're right.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I am selfish.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I don't give enough.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I need to try harder.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: And that's where their chronic dissatisfaction can begin changing the way you see yourself.
8:59
SPEAKER_00: You stop thinking they're unhappy and start thinking they're unhappy because I'm failing.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: Now every bad mood becomes an evaluation of you.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: Every sigh makes you wonder what did you do?
9:14
SPEAKER_00: Every withdrawal makes you search your memory.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: They walk into the room irritated, and immediately you're scanning, did I forget something?
9:24
SPEAKER_00: Did I say something wrong?
9:26
SPEAKER_00: Are they upset because I went somewhere?
9:28
SPEAKER_00: What's wrong?
9:29
SPEAKER_00: What do I need to fix?
9:31
SPEAKER_00: When another person's unhappiness regularly results in criticism, rage, withdrawal, accusations, or the silent treatment, you naturally begin trying to prevent that unhappiness before it even happens.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: And this is where people pleasing inside abusive relationships can be become much more than wanting someone to like you.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: It can become a survival strategy.
10:02
SPEAKER_00: If I can keep them happy, maybe I can keep myself safe.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: But you cannot reliably keep someone happy when the source of their dissatisfaction is not actually you.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: And this is the realization that can take survivors years to reach.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: You were trying to solve an internal problem using external sacrifices, more love, more patience, more reassurance, more attention, more forgiveness, more understanding.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: You hoped that enough external input would finally create internal stability in another person, but you cannot love someone into a stable sense of self.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: You cannot praise someone into permanent self-worth.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: You cannot surrender enough freedom to cure another person's insecurity.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: And you cannot sacrifice enough of yourself to fill an emotional container that has no bottom.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: This also helps explain why getting exactly what they said they wanted doesn't usually create the happiness you expected.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they insisted a new house would make everything better.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: Then they get the house and begin comparing it to somebody else's.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they desperately wanted a promotion.
11:23
SPEAKER_00: Then they get it, and now they're angry somebody else earns more.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they desperately wanted you.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: They pursued you intensely, idealized you, told you that you were everything they ever wanted.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: And once they had the relationship, the dev the devaluation eventually began.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: And that last one can be devastating, by the way, because survivors often interpret devaluation as evidence that something happened to their value.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: You think they used to adore me, what happened to me?
12:00
SPEAKER_00: But what changed wasn't your worth.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: What changed was that you became real.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: What was new became familiar.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: What was idealized became human.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: And real people have needs, boundaries, opinions, flaws, bad days, preferences, and independent identities.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: A fantasy can remain perfect because a fantasy doesn't ask anything of you.
12:29
SPEAKER_00: A real person eventually does.
12:32
SPEAKER_00: This is why idealization can keep survivors trapped for so long.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: In the beginning, they may tell you you're incredible, unlike anyone they've ever known.
12:44
SPEAKER_00: They're soulmate, everything they've ever wanted.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: And when that changes, you can spend years trying to get back to the beginning.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: You think if I can figure out what changed, maybe they'll love me like that again.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: But unfortunately, you may be trying to recreate a stage of the relationship that depended upon novelty, fantasy, projection, and idealization.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: You didn't suddenly become worthless, you became human.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: Healthy relationships can tolerate humanity.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: I can be angry with you and still love you.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: You can disappoint me and still be a good person.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: We can disagree without one of us becoming the enemy.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: But in a narcissistic dynamic, dissatisfaction can quickly become devaluation.
13:41
SPEAKER_00: You make a mistake because you're careless.
13:44
SPEAKER_00: You disagree because you're disrespectful.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: You need reassurance because you're needy.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: You establish a boundary because you're controlling.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: You defend yourself because you're argumentative.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: You become quiet because you're manipulative.
14:02
SPEAKER_00: And eventually there is no correct move.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: And when there is no correct move, survivors can lose confidence in even basic decisions.
14:12
SPEAKER_00: Where should we eat?
14:14
SPEAKER_00: I don't care.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: What do you want to do?
14:17
SPEAKER_00: Whatever you want.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
14:21
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: If you've spent years being criticized for choosing incorrectly, eventually having preferences can feel dangerous.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: And this is how chronic dissatisfaction can become a form of control.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: If you're consistently trying to earn approval, the person giving or withholding the approval has an enormous amount of power over you.
14:48
SPEAKER_00: And there's another important piece of this.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: As long as the conversation remains focused on everything you need to change, the narcissist doesn't have to examine themselves.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: You become the project.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: Your tone needs work.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: You're too sensitive.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: You're too emotional.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: You're too independent.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: You're too demanding.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: You're not affectionate enough.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: You're not fun anymore.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: You're the reason the relationship is unhappy.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: And while you're busy trying to repair yourself, nobody is asking whether the person constantly criticizing you is contributing to the problem.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: Here's a very important part of the equation that all survivors need to understand.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: Healthy relationships survive problems through accountability and repair.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: Somebody gets hurt, the issue is acknowledged, responsibility is taken, behavior changes, and trust can begin rebuilding.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: But when accountability is consistently ignored and avoided, injuries accumulate.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: Resentment builds, trust deteriorates, intimacy decreases, and then the narcissist may complain that the relationship isn't what it used to be without acknowledging their toxic behaviors that helped destroy it.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: And then guess what the survivor often does?
16:21
SPEAKER_00: Begins to work harder harder.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: You plan the date night, you initiate intimacy, you buy the gift, you suggest counseling, you read the relationship books, you learn communication techniques, you become an amateur psychologist trying to understand why this person is unhappy.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you're doing the emotional labor for two people while simultaneously being blamed for the relationship not working.
16:54
SPEAKER_00: But at some point, I think every survivor needs to ask a very difficult question.
17:01
SPEAKER_00: What if my job was never to make this person happy?
17:05
SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean we shouldn't care about the happiness of the people we love.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Of course we should.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: Healthy relationships involve generosity, compromise, consideration, and mutual care.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: But there is a profound difference between contributing to someone's happiness and assuming responsibility for it.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: One is love, the other can become captivity.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: You are responsible for how you behave.
17:36
SPEAKER_00: You are responsible for being honest, respectful, compassionate, and accountable.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: But you are not responsible for maintaining another adult's self esteem.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: You are not responsible for preventing every uncomfortable emotion they experience.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: You are not responsible for making sure they never feel insecure, jealous, bored, disappointed, or frustrated.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: And you certainly aren't responsible for surrendering yourself so another person can temporarily feel better.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: Because here's the cruel irony.
18:17
SPEAKER_00: The more you abandon yourself trying to satisfy someone who is chronically dissatisfied, the less of you remains.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: You stop seeing friends, you stop pursuing your interests, you stop expressing opinions, you stop wearing certain things, you stop talking about your accomplishments, you become smaller, quieter, easier to manage.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: And then sometimes the very person you changed yourself for complains that you've changed.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: Of course you've changed.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: You've spent years adapting to an environment where being fully yourself carried consequences.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: And I think survivors deserve compassion around that.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: You didn't wake up one morning and decide to abandon yourself.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: It happened incrementally.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: One criticism, one argument, one punishment, one compromise, one boundary surrender at a time.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: Healing often means reversing that process one piece at a time.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: What do I actually like?
19:26
SPEAKER_00: What do I believe?
19:27
SPEAKER_00: What do I want?
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Who do I enjoy spending time with?
19:31
SPEAKER_00: What makes me happy?
19:33
SPEAKER_00: What do I no longer want to tolerate?
19:36
SPEAKER_00: What did I stop doing because someone else didn't approve?
19:41
SPEAKER_00: Those questions may sound simple, but after years of negotiating yourself around somebody else's satisfaction, they can be surprisingly difficult to answer.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: There can also be tremendous grief when you finally realize that the happiness you were working toward was never something you had the power to create.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you spent years believing the next conversation would fix it, the next vacation, uh, the next house, the next promise, the next reconciliation, the next version of yourself.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: Realizing that you could never control the outcome can br can bring grief, but it can also bring enormous relief.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: The grief says I gave so much.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: The relief says it wasn't because I didn't give enough.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: And I want to say that again because I think somebody out there listening needs to hear it.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't because you didn't give enough.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you gave far too much.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you kept pouring from yourself because you believed eventually the container would fill.
20:54
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you confused endurance with love.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your empathy kept you telling you that if you could understand their wounds deeply enough and love them well enough, eventually they would feel safe enough to stop hurting you.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: Compassion is a beautiful quality, but understanding why somebody behaves the way they do does not obligate you to continue being harmed by it.
21:22
SPEAKER_00: Their childhood may explain something.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: Their trauma may explain something, their insecurity may explain something.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: Explanation is not permission.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: At some point, understanding the narcissist has to stop being about figuring out how to fix them and start helping you understand how to protect yourself.
21:46
SPEAKER_00: If no amount of reassurance permanently reassures them, perhaps the answer isn't more reassurance.
21:55
SPEAKER_00: If no amount of sacrifice creates gratitude, perhaps the answer isn't.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Isn't greater sacrifice?
22:02
SPEAKER_00: If every boundary becomes an offense, perhaps the answer isn't explaining your boundary more eloquently.
22:09
SPEAKER_00: If every attempt at accountability becomes blame, perhaps the answer isn't finding better words.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: At some point, patterns become information.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: And that's where acceptance becomes such an important part of recovery.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: Acceptance doesn't mean approval.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean what happened was okay.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: Acceptance means you stop negotiating with reality.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: You stop making decisions based on who somebody could become if only they finally understood.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: And you begin making decisions based on who they have repeatedly demonstrated themselves to be.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: You stop measuring the relationship by its best week, the honeymoon period, the apology, or the person they become when they think you're leaving.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: You measure it by the pattern, because patterns never lie.
23:10
SPEAKER_00: And the best predictor of future behavior is the patterns of behavior you have been exposed to consistently over a long period of time.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: Once you stop accepting responsibility for another person's chronic dissatisfaction, something incredible begins happening.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: You get your energy back.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: The energy that went into monitoring them becomes available to you.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: The energy that went into preventing arguments becomes available for your peace.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: The energy that went into earning approval becomes available for your own goals.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: The energy that went into convincing somebody of your worth becomes available for building a life where your worth isn't constantly on trial.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: Healthy love is not one person endlessly consuming while the other endlessly proves.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: Healthy love has movement in both directions.
24:11
SPEAKER_00: Both people matter, both people's feelings matter, both people's boundaries matter, both people can make mistakes and repair them.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: Both people can give and receive.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: And neither person should have to disappear for the relationship to survive.
24:30
SPEAKER_00: So if you've spent years wondering why you couldn't make the narcissist happy, I want you to consider that perhaps you've been asking yourself the wrong question.
24:42
SPEAKER_00: Maybe the question was never why wasn't I enough?
24:46
SPEAKER_00: Maybe the question is why did I believe it was my responsibility to become enough for someone whose definition of enough kept changing.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: You changed how you spoke, you became more patient, you gave more, you expected less, you forgave things you never should have had to forgive.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: You tried being quieter, kinder, more affectionate, more understanding, less demanding, and every time you reach the new goalpost, somehow it moved again.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: There comes a point where the healthiest thing you can do is to stop running.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: Let the goalpost move without you.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: Let them be dissatisfied.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: Let them misunderstand your boundary.
25:38
SPEAKER_00: You do not have to spend the rest of your life proving that you are lovable to someone who benefits from keeping you uncertain about your worth.
25:49
SPEAKER_00: Somebody else's inability to appreciate what you gave does not determine the value of what you gave.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: Somebody else's inability to be satisfied with your love does not mean your love was inadequate.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: Somebody else's chronic unhappiness does not mean you failed.
26:12
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you can bring something beautiful to someone who simply doesn't know how to hold it.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: So if you take one thing away from today's episode, let it be this.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: You are never supposed to be another adult's endless source of self-worth, emotional regulation, admiration, validation, or happiness.
26:36
SPEAKER_00: You can love someone, you can support someone, you can encourage someone, but you cannot build an internal foundation for another person from the outside.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: And if you spent years trying, please don't use this realization as yet another reason to criticize yourself.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: Use it to finally resign from doing that job moving forward.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: You don't work there anymore.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to monitor the mood.
27:05
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to anticipate the next complaint.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to keep reinventing yourself.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to prove your loyalty for the thousandth time.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to shrink so somebody else can feel bigger, and you don't have to make another person happy in order to earn the right to be treated with love and respect.
27:27
SPEAKER_00: And if this episode resonated with you and you're beginning to recognize how much of yourself you sacrificed trying to keep a narcissistic person satisfied, I do offer private one-on-one coaching for survivors of narcissistic abuse.
27:43
SPEAKER_00: And I also have my comprehensive narcissistic abuse recovery course and my private recovery community, where we go much deeper into trauma bonds, complex PTSD boundaries, rebuilding self-trust, and healing after narcissistic abuse.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: And you can find information about all of those resources on my website at www.jillwise.com.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: And as always, thank you so much for spending this time with me.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: This week I want you to notice whenever you automatically begin taking responsibility for someone else's mood, before you rush in to fix it, ask yourself, is this actually mine to carry?
28:29
SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the most freeing thing a survivor can finally understand is this.
28:35
SPEAKER_00: I gave enough, I tried enough, I explained enough.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: Their inability to be satisfied was never proof that I wasn't enough.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: Nothing was ever going to be enough for them if enough required me to disappear.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: And I don't disappear for anyone anymore.