Latest / Aging Parent TrapX / Should your Aging Parent still be driving
Transcript
- speaker-2: You're getting ready to go out on the town. You order the Uber, you go outside to get in, and you open up the door, and it's a senior driver that is about to take you out on the town. If you're a Gen Xer trying to help your aging parent navigate their senior years and their driving habits, then you're in the right place. That's what we're talking about today. My name is Allison Newland. I'm the broker owner of Platinum Properties of Florida in the Greater Tampa area. And I'm here with my two friends, Nikki Flynn with Elite Preparation Services, Julie Cook with Generational Transitions. And let's just launch into that whole story about getting into an ⁓ Uber for a night out on the town and discovering that the driver is a little bit older than you expect it. I'm going to just leave it there. What do do? And who could that possibly be, maybe? ⁓ my goodness. Go ahead. You know. speaker-0: Yes, it's okay. A little context. He doesn't drive at night, but my stepdad is, yes, 87. He'll be 88 in August this year. A professional driver has been his whole life. Was a limo driver back home in Chicago and now is and has been an Uber driver for over 12 years now. And it is, it's literally the one thing that gives him purpose. keeps him sane. He loves the interaction with people. He loves being able to take people from one place to another. He is relatively a safe driver and thank goodness that we have vehicles that have all these wonderful safety features on them now where they practically drive themselves. So that is another thing that I made sure of the car had before he was even allowed to continue with that because that was a concern of mine because you don't want somebody who is mentally declining or physically declining. But he has passed all his physicals. He has passed. He's got amazing blood work. We just went to the doctors. It's crazy how healthy this man is. And when you look at him, you would never know he's 87. And there are times people do ask him, how old are you? And he says, I'll tell you when you're getting out of the car. He won't tell them until they're getting out of the car. And then he tells them. And there was a guy that he did drive that was older than him. And he was like 90 something. And he goes, speaker-1: That's a great answer. speaker-0: You old SOB. He's like, you got me beat. speaker-2: Oh my gosh. Well, I mean, it's amazing. I mean, when my mom stopped driving, by the way, which was probably when she was about 76, I mean, you physically she just didn't have the reactions anymore. But then I was challenged with like, how is she going to get to and from places? Because it was an hour and a half away. And we thought about her ordering an Uber, but you know, she couldn't do that. She didn't know how she didn't understand the process. you know, everybody's situation is going to be different. Some people are going to be able to drive long into the longer than we would think just by a number. And then some people can't even order the dang Uber to come get them to go to their doctor's appointment. So I don't know. All of these situations are just really individual, you know, to the situation. Everybody's situation is different on everything because I can't imagine my mom still driving. I'm glad she, she's not. 87 that's amazing. And by the way, we posted a short video and I will put it I'll put it up here for if you if the viewers haven't seen it yet I'll put it up here and take a look at it because we got some comments on that video about The 87 year old uber driver and people were like, yeah, I don't mind that I'm more concerned with my 17 year old daughter driving, you know speaker-0: Thank speaker-1: I think that's legitimate. dad and stepmom are both in their eighties and both still drive. My dad, similar to Nikki, my dad was a long distance truck driver his whole life, very safe on the road. I would ride with him anywhere. I've seen some teenagers, I've seen people on the road that there's no way I would want to ride with them. So I think it's really, it's really dependent on that person. And then you have the things too, like Are they having issues with their vision? Are they having issues with their reflexes? You know, things like that that factor into it. It's such a case by case basis. speaker-2: It really is. And it can be quite contentious when somebody doesn't want to give up that. I think in talking to some of my family members on my husband's side, you know, they were getting worried about their parents, my in-laws, about their driving abilities and, you know, one stopped driving before the other. But it was getting a little scary and they were still driving when they went. to the independent living facility, and one of them was driving. But to come up and see us, family gatherings when we would get together, it was an interstate drive, and it was a little scary. I don't know, people were getting worried about it. So eventually then the car just sat for a while, and then they sold the car. So he finally came to the decision himself. It wasn't easy, and that's the part about helping our aging parents go through this transition. is giving up some of that autonomy. speaker-1: sure. speaker-0: Go ahead. Go ahead, Julie. I had originally mentioned that I didn't want him driving anymore when we relocated and that was World War III. That was that. Yeah. So when that time comes, it's going to be a rough one. We already know. But yeah, it's it was it was accusing me of not trusting him. And how dare I and all that stuff. And, you know, I've had clients, too, that were the same way, like when they don't want to let go of that. ability to be self-sufficient on their own, it's a very, very hard deal to break because they're just not going to budge. And if they're independent and they live by themselves, it's even worse because then how do they get around? How do they do things? So it's a challenge. It definitely is a challenge that you have to navigate carefully. And sometimes doctors are no help. speaker-2: ⁓ huh. speaker-1: Yeah, I think next to, I mean, we've talked a lot about parents transitioning from the family home and outside of that decision, I think driving is the next biggest thing, especially if you have someone who's independent because it feels like you're stripping me of my independence. Now you're turning me into a child. I think it's good too to consider compromises instead of just black and white, either you drive or you don't drive. You know, I've noticed You're having trouble changing lanes. You're getting over in front of cars. So what if we stay within this radius of the house? Maybe, hopefully that's like on just two lane roads and not interstates, things like that. What if you limit driving at night? You know, just try and find a compromise to where it's not, I'm not going to pull all of your independence at once, but I do think that's something we need to consider. The other thing is I just learned in Florida, they actually have professional driving assessments. So you can have a neutral party. speaker-2: Mm-hmm. speaker-1: who comes in, drives with your parent behind the wheel, does some tests, and gives a neutral opinion on whether or not it's safe for them to be behind the wheel. ⁓ speaker-2: Maybe we can, is there like a website for that that you're aware of or? speaker-1: Yeah, I'll get you that information we can- speaker-2: Okay, so we'll put that in the either in the pin comment and definitely into the description below. Yeah, for people to click on. But you know, when when the time comes when they're not driving, the thing that was the challenge really for me was again, how was she going to get to and from things? I mean, I had to go and drive down take her to her doctor's appointment. The neighbor was taking her from time to time that the neighbor didn't want to be responsible for doing that they had their own life. We looked into a car service. ⁓ You know, it's not like New York City or big city, you know, our little towns in Florida, just, we don't have, it's just different. You use Uber, there's not really taxi cabs or anything like that. And I mean, there are, but I wouldn't put anybody, it depends on where you are in Florida, I guess. But like I said, she couldn't use the Uber, but I looked into like professional, senior, medical, like to help her get in with her walker and stuff. And it was quite expensive just to get her. a mile away to a doctor's appointment and then have them come. It was a nice service. It was actually somebody I went to high school with down there in Sarasota. Very lovely person, had a nice business, but it was quite expensive. you we just ended up scheduling her appointments where it was convenient for me to go down and take her. But when you are living out of state from where your parents live, so if your parents live in Florida, this is again, all part of the same thing. Like, are they safe to live on their own? Is it still safe? Are they safe to drive? You are maybe not going to know. So that resource, Julie, that you mentioned is a great resource for people, especially when they live out of state, to see if maybe someone can come and assess their parent because they don't have eyes on them. speaker-1: Yeah, absolutely. And there are, there is the option of Uber. I know in this area, PSTA has a program that helps seniors who needs rides, whether it's through the bus or through private cars. So there are some options to consider. There are, if your parent uses a wheelchair, there are private wheelchair transports. Again, they tend to be a little pricey, but if mom and dad have a doctor's appointment or something they need to get to, it's an option. speaker-2: Well, you know, ⁓ when someone moves into an assisted living facility or the independent living facility, many times they have ⁓ transportation that can take them to their doctor's appointments or take them to the grocery store. My mom orders groceries through Instacart now. taught her how to do that and she's quite comfortable doing that. And that's super convenient. You know, since the whole world did it in 2020, or at least all of the United States anyways, we were getting our groceries that way during COVID. But the facilities tend to have a nice van with a, or like a bus with a ramp and it lowers and it helps them get on and they have a designated. you know, day of the week that they go to the store if they want to all go and then they have to be back on the bus to leave. I mean, that's something about the senior communities that you could probably speak more about. is. speaker-1: That's a big plus. Almost every senior that I take to visit a community, that's a conversation that we have. Do they have a bus? Is it wheelchair accessible or do they have to be able to step up into the bus? Do they have a car if getting into a bus is difficult? Most communities have some type of transportation like that. And then they have designated days. So perhaps Wednesday is the shopping day and they'll take in this area, they'll take you to Target, they'll take you to public. different things like that. And then there's other days that are designated for doctor's appointments. So you can schedule within a certain mile radius and they'll take you there and pick you back up. So that's definitely ⁓ a huge benefit versus to living in community. speaker-2: for senior living. Well, so Nikki, your stepdad hasn't had any issues on the road with his nice car. Shout out to Kia, right? It's a nice Kia with all the bells and whistles, right? speaker-0: Yep, it's a Kia Sorento and it has all the bells and whistles. If his eyes are not forward, it yells at him. It will vibrate the steering wheel. If he takes his hands off the steering wheel, like I'm guilty of, like sometimes I'm opening something or doing something and it doesn't like that my hands aren't touching the steering wheel, so it'll yell at me. If you go on the other side of the white lines, it auto-corrects automatically for you. So I could drive without any hands and the car just drives for me. speaker-2: Maybe we should put a link to the Kia dealerships locally in the description below. The Sorento is what you said, right? I got to look into that. I mentioned it last week. I got to look into that car, not for me, but for my daughter. speaker-0: Yeah, it's pretty nice. mean, it's a little alarming, and you could set the tone of the alarm. Like, he was like, take the alarms off of me. Absolutely not. speaker-2: That's why we're getting this car. speaker-0: Exactly. It has a volume control on how loud you want the alarms. It vibrates the steering wheels. Even if you have the alarm turned down a little bit, it still vibrates the steering wheel. So it's telling you it's mad. Like in the dashboard, it's yelling at you. speaker-2: That's crazy. You know, I'm glad because I don't like to see people lose their independence. You know, it's no fun getting old. People will say, it's no fun getting old. You know, I'm losing, you know, my physical abilities. mentally I'm great, but physically I'm not so great. Now you're going to take away driving. I have lost my home. You know, so we have to make these things not so bad, right? And not too far in advance. speaker-1: Great! speaker-2: People are living longer, they're living more healthy lives. so I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility. Well, it's not because, you know, your stepdad is a testament to that. speaker-1: thing I saw that might be worth considering is in Florida, if you decide to surrender your license, you can reapply. So say you have an issue with cataracts or something like that where you're not comfortable driving. Obviously you don't have to surrender your license, but say you do and your vision improves or whatever, you do have to take another test, but it's not the final, I can never drive again. You do have the option to reapply, take the test and have your license again. speaker-2: That's really good. That's good. We want to know what is going on with you. Please leave a comment and tell us what is happening with you and your family, your aging parents and their driving habits. Are you concerned? Does it not bother you? Just leave us a funny story. We'd love to hear from you. Our contact information is in the description below. Thanks for watching and don't forget to subscribe.