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how to stop overthinking · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

• 0:00
  Have you ever laid in bed replaying the same conversation
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  or same situation over and over and over in your head because
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  you feel like it just should have gone differently?
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  Because you feel like you made a small mistake?
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  And you just sit there thinking about it over and over, running
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  through different scenarios, running through how the next
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  conversation may go and you find yourself sleepless.
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  You find yourself driving yourself crazy with your own
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  thinking. If that sounds familiar, I'm
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  right there with you. I've spent years dealing with
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  that exact same feeling, that exact same situation, and I've
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  been trying to figure out how do we stop overthinking?
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  My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
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  Feelings. Now, before anything else, I
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  want to remind you on this podcast, I'm not a doctor, I'm
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  not a psychiatrist, I'm not a professional in the mental
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  health industry whatsoever. And today I'm not going to
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  preach the science of it all at you.
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  I'm not going to come at you from a clinical perspective.
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  Instead, I'm going to talk to you as somebody who understands
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  what you're going through, as somebody who's been through it.
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  I've been struggling with my mental health for the better
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  part of six years, and I have tried and tried and failed many
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  different ways to get better. And I'm finally more on the
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  healing side and I want to start the conversation about mental
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  health. So thank you so much for being
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  here. Today we're going to talk about
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  the topic of overthinking. This is an incredibly widespread
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  problem and I don't think a lot of people think of it as that
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  much of a problem. I think a lot of people actually
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  identify themselves within overthinking.
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  They identify themselves like I am an overthinker, I am an
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  anxious person, and there is a level of identity or comfort
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  that comes within finding something like overthinking that
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  you struggle with and identifying yourself within
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  that. But The thing is, overthinking
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  is not just something to identify with.
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  In fact, it's dangerous and it messes with your mental health
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  more than you may know. It messes with your sleep, it
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  messes with your ability to function day-to-day, and it
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  could be eating away at you without you even realizing.
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  So today we're going to talk about what overthinking really
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  is and why we do it. Then we're going to talk about
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  the harms of overthinking. And then finally, we're going to
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  go through a list of like 7 solutions that I put together
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  for you to try. Now, these are not guaranteed by
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  the book, easy to do solutions. I'm not telling you that you're
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  going to watch this episode and be able to 100% cure your
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  overthinking, but instead I want to give you the tools to be able
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  to move forward and figure out on your own what works for you.
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  Because ultimately, the journey of healing is about learning.
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  It's about finding yourself. It's about learning what works
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  for you. So the first step of learning
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  what works for you is information.
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  To start, overthinking is more than just thinking too much.
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  In psychology, it's called rumination.
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  It's when your mind keeps looping through thoughts about
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  the past or the future without reaching a solution, grounding,
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  or action. When we overthink, we analyze
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  every single detail, we think about every single outcome.
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  Usually these thoughts trend negative and we just start
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  focusing on what could go wrong, what is wrong with us, what
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  we're doing wrong, and it becomes torturous.
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  It doesn't help it, it hurts. Many people think that they're
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  just preparing for the future, or maybe they're thinking
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  through the past, but really ruminating it does more damage
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  than good. Research shows that it can
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  reduce decision making ability because you're stuck in analysis
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  instead of action. It can increase anxiety and
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  emotional distress. It disrupts sleep because
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  obviously if you're of thinking, you're not sleeping.
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  It also uses mental energy without solving anything.
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  It feels productive because you know you're thinking through
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  things, you're thinking about the future, you're thinking
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  about the past. But realistically, it doesn't
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  lead to clarity, it just drains you.
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  This isn't just a personality type, it's a cycle that keeps us
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  trapped in fear of outcomes or in the pain of the past instead
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  of moving towards solutions. So if it's so painful, why do we
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  do it? Let's look at actual
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  psychological reasons of why we overthink the first one.
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  Fear. OK, Fear of mistakes or
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  uncertainty. We overthink because we're
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  afraid of getting it wrong. When the outcome is important or
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  it feels important, the brain tries to kind of cover all the
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  angles. It tries to think of all the
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  possible outcomes. It feels like a productive way
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  of preparing, but there's no finish line in these thought
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  loops, only more worry. Another reason is maybe if you
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  struggle with perfectionism, if perfect is the end goal, nothing
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  is ever good enough. And that leads us to think and
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  think and analyze and try to prepare for this unrealistic
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  outcome of perfection. Next, it might be trying to
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  regain control. When life feels unpredictable,
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  our mind ruminates to feel like we do have control, but it's
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  just an illusion. We may be feeling like we don't
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  have control, and that's OK. You're allowed to not have
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  control of every aspect of your life.
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  But our brain doesn't like that. It wants to be prepared, so it
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  tries, it's very best to take control by thinking way too
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  much. And although that feels like
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  control, instead it's just worry.
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  Overthinking it doesn't make you smarter.
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  It doesn't prepare you. It keeps you stuck.
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  It keeps you stuck in the same loop over and over and over
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  again. And the danger with that loop is
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  when we get stuck thinking of the what ifs, all of the
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  negative outcomes. It can become a self fulfilling
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  prophecy. If you are thinking about
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  healing your mental health, but you're worried about, oh but
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  what if I'm not good enough? What if I don't actually heal?
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  And you find yourself overthinking all of this instead
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  of taking action. The actions that you do take
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  will be influenced by the negative thoughts that you have
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  been repeating in your head over and over again.
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  So now let's get to the part that all of us are here for.
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  How do we actually stop overthinking?
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  I want to remind you, none of these are guaranteed.
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  You should try all of them in your own life.
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  And if one works, stick to it. That is how healing progress is
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  made. So first, it sounds silly and
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  cliche, but the first one is mindfulness and presence.
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  These are two buzzwords that we hear often in the mental health
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  community that you need to be mindful of your feelings, that
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  you need to be mindful of what you're thinking.
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  And it sounds a little quite ridiculous, but it isn't just a
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  buzzword. Many studies show that
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  mindfulness breaks rumination by bringing attention back to the
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  present moment. And this is something that I
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  personally learned in therapy. My therapist taught me how to
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  sit with feelings or thoughts and bring attention to them.
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  And by doing so, it can get rid of these thought patterns and
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  loops that we become stuck in. So here's how to do it.
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  You sit quietly for three to 5 minutes in a quiet room.
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  You could put headphones on, noise cancelling, but no noise.
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  Just sit and quiet and focus on your breath.
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  And when your thoughts distract, you gently bring your focus back
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  to your breath. Just think in and out and focus
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  on that breathing. It's not about stopping the
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  thoughts, it's about not getting lost in them.
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  So when a thought comes up, when we begin overthinking and we
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  start thinking about something that has happened or something
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  that could happen, you just bring your focus gently back to
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  your breath. This teaches your brain that
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  yes, those thoughts can exist, but we don't need to ruminate on
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  them. We don't need to sit there over
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  and over thinking. And the amazing thing about this
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  is you can do it almost anywhere.
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  The moment you find yourself over thinking, you can have that
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  awareness given by that knowledge of those thought
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  loops, and you can stop yourself and you can sit down and bring
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  your attention back to your breath instead of getting caught
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  up in those thought loops. Next, you can set a dedicated
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  worry time. I know this sounds a little bit
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  silly, but instead of letting worry flood your whole day, you
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  can schedule a specific time for it.
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  Research shows that compartmentalizing worry trains
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  your brain that it has a designated space to think, so it
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  stops invading all of your time. It's difficult to stop
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  overthinking in its tracks, but it's much more manageable to
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  allow yourself to overthink in smaller chunks.
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  So instead of overthinking throughout your entire day,
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  maybe you set a 10 minute timer and you think through all of
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  your concerns and your worries and your ruminations during that
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  window, and then when the time's up, you tell yourself that's it,
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  and you move on. This may take some time to train
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  your brain to actually have an off switch, but once you do, it
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  becomes a very powerful way to hold your overthinking within
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  one smaller window instead of your entire day.
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  Another powerful tool you can use is you can challenge your
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  thoughts. Overthinking often creates
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  unrealistic or exaggerated thoughts, but cognitive
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  techniques can help you question them.
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  So instead of just accepting all of these thoughts, instead of
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  just accepting the rumination and letting yourself get worried
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  and anxious and not be able to sleep because of it, you can ask
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  yourself, is this thought fact, or fear?
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  Am I catastrophizing? What evidence supports this
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  thought? By doing this, you directly
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  challenge your overthinking, and instead of letting it just
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  completely run wild, you can potentially stop it in its
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  tracks and really be able to narrow in on where that thought
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  is coming from. Instead of just accepting that
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  thought as truth, you can figure out whether it's just coming
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  from a place of fear, if it's coming from a place of worry, if
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  it's coming from an anxiety. And by doing that, you take away
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  the power of overthinking, you take away the power of those
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  thoughts just running wild through your brain, and you take
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  back control to yourself. Another method is to journal.
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  I will always recommend journaling.
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  I think it is incredibly powerful and incredibly
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  underrated. Writing down your thoughts can
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  help your brain externalize and organize them instead of just
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  tucking them down. Research shows that writing
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  worries helps reduce stress and mental clutter, so you can set a
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  short timer and just write everything on your mind without
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  judgement. You know, don't reread it
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  immediately. Just write it down and release
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  it. This is very similar to the
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  cognitive benefits of therapy. You are getting out your
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  thoughts. You are getting out your
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  feelings, and then you are letting them go.
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  You are letting them exist. There is so much power in being
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  able to let go of your thoughts and let go of your feelings
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  instead of holding on to them and thinking through them and
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  ruminating on them over and over and over again.
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  You don't need to overpower your feelings, you don't need to
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  fight them, you don't need to overpower these thoughts and
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  push them out of your life completely.
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  You just need to learn to rein them in a little bit.
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  And journaling is an incredibly powerful way to accept those
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  thoughts and the fact that you're having them and be able
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  to put them onto something tangible like paper and then let
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  them go. Finally, you should practice
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  self compassion. And I know this sounds
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  incredibly cliche, but people who overthink often judge
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  themselves harshly. Research shows that self
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  compassion reduces rumination and improves emotional
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  resilience. So talk to yourself like you
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  would a friend. Understand that it's OK to feel
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  this way and you are doing the best you can with what you know
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  right now. That compassion can break up
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  this cycle because often overthinking comes with guilt.
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  You start thinking about a situation in the past and how
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  you could have done things differently, and you feel guilty
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  that you didn't handle it correctly.
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  Or you start thinking about something in the future and you
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  start doubting yourself. If you practice self compassion,
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  it breaks down that guilt and it breaks down that doubt.
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  It breaks down the shame that you have related to your
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  feelings, and it allows you to handle your overthinking from a
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  much more neutral position, which is a powerful position to
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  give yourself. It gives you an upper edge, it
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  gives you an advantage. Instead of being lost within
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  your overthinking, you can become a little bit more neutral
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  and come at it from a realistic standpoint.
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  This compassion, this softness to yourself can completely break
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  up the cycle. Overthinking isn't a flaw.
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  It's often your brain trying to protect you from uncertainty,
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  mistakes, or fear. But it's also not an identity.
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  Thinking endlessly doesn't solve problems, it just kind of
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  repackages them. And what stops that loop isn't
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  shutting your mind off, it's redirecting your mind with
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  intention. So I strongly suggest that you
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  try one of the methods that I recommended today, or maybe do a
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  little more research and try something entirely different.
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  But what matters is you take action against your
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  overthinking. So try journaling, try self
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  compassion, try to release those feelings and release those
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  thoughts instead of pulling them closer and looping them over and
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  over and over again. What matters is you try healing.
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  Your mental health is never going to be a perfect linear
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  journey. You will fall back and slip up
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  many times over and over again. But what matters is you keep
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  trying because you are capable. You are capable of healing and
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  you are capable of controlling your overthinking.
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  This overthinking doesn't define you, it's just a pattern, and
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  patterns can be changed with practice, grace, and awareness.
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  You're not alone in this, and you can train your mind to stop
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  torturing you with overthinking and live your life with more
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  clarity. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. If you need help feeling your
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  feelings, you should check out my music on all platforms under
• 13:51
  the name of Ethan Jewel. I almost guarantee it'll make
• 13:54
  you cry. Also, if you enjoy this podcast,
• 13:56
  a great way to support me is to get merch.
• 13:59
  I just dropped a merch line. This hoodie is one of them.
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  You can find it at ethanjewel.myshopify.com or at
• 14:05
  the link in the description. So thank you so much for being
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  here. Thank you for understanding that
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  you're overthinking does not define you.
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  And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
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  I'll see you next time.