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Chicks Chat: Crush On My BFF, Career Crisis & Housemate Hell · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadagle Land Always was, always
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm ow and I'm sal And this is
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: two Boat Chicks, the show that shares life lessons and
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: tips to how make you rich in life.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: And we are back in the booth.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Advice booth, another chicks chat, advice to the chicks. We
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: asked you chickies to send in your lemming and yeah,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: we're going to be reading them out, sharing our advice.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Two cents.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: I'm very excited.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Don't have to take it.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: It's just that here if you need exactly, if you need,
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: if we need, we attack.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: I never played nemble.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I can see you on a wing attack for sure?
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: They really really? Is that like a hot position? Yeah?
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Good? Should we get in?
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah? All right. As always, we haven't read these, so
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: our beautiful producer has pick these out for us and
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: we're reading them.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Leve on do lem number one. Let's go. Am I
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: in love with my best friend?
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Did you send this in?
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: It is okay? The layers to this.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Story are beyond the Matilda chocolate cake level. Fuck damn Brosy.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: My best friend and I have known each other for
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: over eight years.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: Shit, I did send this in. We worked together, Oh
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: my god.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Then lived together, and now even with distance, we still
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: call every day and talk constantly for re friends. I
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: am married and have a child. I'm very much in
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: love with my husband, but I have started to wonder
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: if I'm actually in love with my best friend. Oh
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: my god, Wen, do you know the line is crossed
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: with feelings my divorce him? Now I feel, yeah, that's
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: what we need. I feel terrible even saying this and
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: question it as I am be married and have a
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: beautiful family, but by connection with my best friend feels
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: sometimes more awkwardly deep than just a giggle and a
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: fucking soul made best friend.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: What if we did fucking.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Fucking You're best.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Fucking soul mate.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: We have never kissed.
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: We hardly hug. I have been with females prior, but
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: she hasn't. Yes, yes, that's what I was.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Yet. Yeah, oh yeah, baby, I've been with females prior,
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: but she hasn't.
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: Where do I go with this? And how do I sleep.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: At night knowing the wonders I am having with my
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: own heart.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is literally like a rom com
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: into this Yeah, dump, yeah, dump, Oh my god, this
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: is so tough because at first, when you're reading it out,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I was thinking, well, there are all different kinds of love,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: and you can have a really deep love for your
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: best friend, and I don't think that you know, the
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: first sort of indicators that she shared that they have
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: been friends for a really long time, they live together,
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: and now they call each other every day. That doesn't
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: immediately read romantic to me.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Because we do that.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like if we said that, we spoke to it.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: We actually sent this in to be like, just face.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: It, you guys love each other love. Yeah, we've never
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: beaten their allegations, and I don't want to know neither.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: It's not anyway.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: So immediately I wasn't like immediately, I wasn't like, oh, yeah,
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: you're definitely in love with your best friend, because I
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: think that those are pretty normal behaviors. But the fact
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: that you're having some of these questions is I'm like,
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: what are the emotions that you're feeling when you speak
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: to your friend on the phone, Like do you get butterflies?
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Do you think about them in that way you like.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: Flirt with each other?
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there are like like you're saying, there's different kinds
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: of love and obviously us speaking from our own relationship,
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: Like I can absolutely say that we are in love,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: you know, but like.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: I'm such a fucking.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Year old, I'm like, well, the one you yourself, what
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: are you gonna say? But I don't want to fuck you.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: I think that's the thing because even you know, some
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: of the things that we do, like we talk every
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: single day, We're very affectionate, you know, we call each
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: other pet names, a lot of things that typically could
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: be romantic relationship.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: But I that's what I'm wondering.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I'm like, are you maybe getting confused for that and
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: the closeness that you guys have or is there genuinely
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: something there? And I think maybe there could be if
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: you're questioning it.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: You know how they say like you can't be in
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: love with more than one person, Like maybe that's what's
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: at play here. Maybe she is thinking like she can't
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: genuinely love two people, but obviously you can, like you
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: can love multiple people, you can be in love with
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: multiple people. But this is like, this is such a
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: difficult one to answer, and I don't think we can
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: answer it because we're not the ones with these emotions.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: It's like when your friend is dating an absolute dog
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: and you're like, dump him, please. I just heard someone
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: laugh at the wad that's a dog. A dog And
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: you're like just hitting with your car and they're like no,
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: but you know, and it's because you've got those those
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: rose tinted glasses on and you're like no, but blah
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: blah blah. It's really hard to tell someone what to
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: do when you're not the one feeling their feelings.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: And we don't know.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: How deep that love for her best friend feels. But
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: in saying that to ask out loud, like how many
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: times have you to sit there? Sound like am I
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: in love with my best friend? Like you have that
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: fight constantly? So true, and if you have to ask that,
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: there's probably a deeper feeling to it. Yeah. Yeah.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I also wondered did she have these feelings previously? Like
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: was she having yeah, when you were like living living together,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Like did you have the urge to like kiss your
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: friend or you know, like express your feelings or flirt
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: with them? And or is it could it even be
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: something about your existing relationship with your husband, like are
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: your needs not being met in your relationship? Or do
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: you not feel like you're being like desired or valued
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: or wanted in your relationship, so you feel like you're getting.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: That from your friend.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Like, I think you need to really have like some
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: introspection here and be like, when did I first start
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: having these feelings?
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: When was I asking these questions? And like what would
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: I what does my heart tell me that I want?
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah? The thing is, though, romantic relationships are not going
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: to fill the entire cup totally. And that's why, like,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: maybe her relationship with her best friend is feeling a
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: significant amount of another cup or that cup for her
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: that it's like is again I'm coming back to the
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: same thing. Can you love two people? But also maybe
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: you are in love with her?
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I want to know what her friend is like,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: what her friend is thinking of, how she behaves with her,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Like when you guys, yeah, do you have like a
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: lingering touch? Yeah, like you know, like knees together when
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: you talk about your husband? Does she seem like she's jealous?
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: So anything like that that typically would happen in any
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: sort of relationship, then what.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Happens there, Like is the only reason that this hasn't
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: gone further is because there hasn't been reciprocation yet. And
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: if those feelings are returned, then that's all the green
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: light she needs. But I do want a flag that
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: like as much as like we love a love story,
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: shout out Taylor Swift, you know there there is other
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: people involved in this. She does have a husband, she
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: is married, she's in a committed relationship, and she has
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: a family. And just because this relationship ship is a
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: same sex relationship doesn't make it this like flirty, fun
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: and frivolous thing. Like to act on it would still
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: be cheating, you know, to.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: Suss the vibe would.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Still be emotionally not being faithful in her current relationship.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: So it doesn't make you a bad person for being like,
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: oh no, like do I have these feelings? Not even
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: oh no, but like you know, I think I have
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: feelings for another person. That doesn't make you a bad person, right,
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: it's what you do with it though. But I do
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: think sometimes like especially with like women like that kind
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: of those relationships, it's like not held to the same
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: weight as a heterosexual relationship. Yeah, so it's like oh
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: just kiss and see.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like I know we've been like silly fun.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: No, because it is like talking about love.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: And like having a crush on somebody I'm not saying
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: that this is what she's done.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: No either, but.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe it is a of really sitting down and like
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: having that moment of introspection with yourself and then if
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: you do feel like these feelings are legitimate, like maybe
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: bring it up with your husband and be like, I've
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: had questions about my sexuality and like I don't like,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: maybe be open about that. I'm not sure it really
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: depends on Also, like your relationship.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: With very very personal.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Figuring out what that feeling with her best friend is.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Is it romantic love or is it a very very
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: deep friendship love. Yeah, and like were and that is
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: no less lesser than a romantic love. Ye.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Fuck what a doozy.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: I would love to be updated.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Oh what happens? If you feel comfortable, please please update us.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: But sending you lots of cuddles either, Okay. Dilema number two.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I'm an allied health professional four years out of UNI,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: making an excellent living for myself. However, as an allied
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: health girlie, there's always an itch to try and get
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: into medicine because you get to help your patients so
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: much more. But my question is is it worth making
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: the switch? Pros you're more qualified, better rewards in the
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: long term, and can help more people. Cons.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: Is there a lot?
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: There's a lot more cons?
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, cons intense studies. Being older at UNI hopefully won't
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: be referred to as a mature age student at twenty six.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with being a mature age student balancing
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: work and studies, and pretty much forgetting a social life
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: starting from scratch financially upon graduation six figures two minimum wages,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: risk of burnout and nonfulfillment, collision with timelines for marriage
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: and babies. Potentially, most importantly, my parents will have the
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: satisfaction of saying I did as they told me to
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: once again. Right. Okay, So she's like, I don't want
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: to do it out of spikes my parents saw me do.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: I think it's relatable for a lot of people.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: She got a lot on that con Yeah wait wait
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: wait she's got more.
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: Oh more cons?
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, just more to say.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, the cons seems so numerous.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: But I will regret it if I don't do it. Oh,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: girls are but is it really worth it? Most doctors
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I have met have said they wouldn't pick the career
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: if given another chance. But I can't imagine just doing
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: what I do for the next fifty years, where the
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: glass ceiling is opening up a private practice. But if
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I do medicine, then there's so many more things to
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: do the excitement of picking up a specialty I truly love.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: Maybe surgery, open doors to impactful research, intellectual conversations, the
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: prestige and respecting community.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: Help do it.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: I think, do it do it as much as that.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: I think that The list of cons was longer, but
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: they're but they're Those didn't sound like cons to me.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: A lot of them, definitely, I totally understand, especially things like,
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: you know, going from earning one salary to earning significantly
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: less that stressful. A lot of them were sounded more
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: like fears rather than actual concrete cons. Like being referred
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: to as a mature age student at twenty six.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: Maybe that's in there as like a bit of a
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: t Yeah, you know, but it's like who fucking cares?
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: Because you also don't care about the opinion of a nineteen.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: Year old in your class. Yeah, maybe we don't care
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: about your opinion of them.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: Either, So you're not going to see them when you
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: finish UNI.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: You don't see I tell you the name of like.
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: Five people that were in my UNI classes, I had.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Like a core group of friends, and like them, I
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: keep in.
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: Touch with it.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: Probably tell you too, Yeah I was in and I
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: was out.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think most people are like that. Whereas
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: so it's like way up those things, like would you
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: rather have experienced some of those hardships go over some
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: of those hurdles for example, like the financial situation definitely
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: very much an issue, or like yeah, like a genuine
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: concern that you should consider. Also like starting from scratch.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: I get it, like you feel like you're having to
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: kind of start the journey from the beginning. But all
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: of these things I think are absolutely worth it.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: And again, like at one point, I want to.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Pull up what she actually says. She says, the con
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: seems so numerous, but I will regret it if I
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: don't do it. Exactly there's the answer for you, I think,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: because if you don't do it, I think that the
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: what ifs will haunt you forever, And you could always
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: go into it right and work at this career for
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: a while, and then if you realize like it's too much,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: you know, you experience burnout, all of those things, you
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: can always go back to what you were doing, or
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: pivot again, like just because you might pivot to this
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: change in your career that also is in a forever
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: move necessarily.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: I just looks it.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Up and it's like regret is practically universal, with about
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: seventy six to eighty two percent of people experiencing major
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: life regrets. Landmark psychological studies reveal that while we initially
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: regret mistakes of actions so like things we did, over
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: the long term we overwhelmingly regret in action the chances
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: we didn't take. So the short term, the largest short
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: term regrets you have is like regrets of an action
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: you took. But over the long term, the biggest regrets
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: human have is an action and the things you didn't
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: do and the shots you didn't take because you missed
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: one hundred percent of the shots.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: You don't take.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: And I think that's the first time I've ever gotten that.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: Saying right, just like that.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Someone sent me a reel the other day and it
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: is just a video of a girl getting sayings wrong.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: And I was like, and it was like, we'll killed
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: that bird with a dead horse, and it was like
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: all things like that all and I was like, I
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: am hor she is me.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: That's okay with your people, But yeah, I love that.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I think that is one hundred percent the way that
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: you should look at it. It gives you such good perspective.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: But also there was research done by the University of
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Queensland that showed that the average person switches their career
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: three to seven times in their life.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: Whow so you're.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Like you're below average serious, like, so you're doing fine.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: What are we going to do after this?
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I know, shit, I know, medicine is probably a little
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: bit of a different one and to some others it's yeah,
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: we're not saying that it's not a huge investment of
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: your time and your energy, but it's a.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Very long journey and I can completely understand why it.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: Is like a daunting thing to do. So it's very
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: easy for us to.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Sit here and be like, do it and it's like, well,
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: six years, I have to go back to like UNI wages,
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: which is like crazy and always so difficult to manage,
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: especially because I can imagine as course, like medicine doesn't
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: leave a lot of leeway for jobs yeah and working. Yeah,
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: so obviously all that is something to consider. But again,
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: this is really easy for me to say, but it's
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: just the perspective to like just ponder for her a
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: little bit. Is what's six years versus like the next
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: forty exactly? You know, like you're twenty six, Let's say
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: you're working till like sixty five, which is, you know,
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: the average age that a lot of people retire six
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: years versus forty years. And she's like even has the
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: idea of the specialty she potentially wants to get into surgery,
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Gray's anatomy, Like.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: I really wanted to go for it.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: And I think even with like some of your concerns
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: around timelines and everything, you're still so young, you have
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: a lot of time.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Just go for it. It sounds like you're excited to
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: study medicine, So it's a good idea to at least
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: investigate it a little bit further, allow yourself the chance
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: to drink oh beautiful, all right. Dilemma number three, my
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: diabolical dilemma and life lesson is to know your limits
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: with your bff. Did you write this?
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Is this another one? S shit?
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: I think my best friend is in love with me?
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: Can you imagine saluate that one?
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: In? My partner and I moved across the country together
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: for his work and invited my best friend to come
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: with us. Oh whoa. Her and I wanted to move
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: into state anyways, so it was just perfect timing that
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: I found a man who wanted to settle no matter
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: the location.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: He and I move up.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: First, and she followed a few months later. I won't
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: lie though, dot dot. When she moved up with us,
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: I started regretting it almost immediately.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: Oh fuck oh.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: I got so used to it being with just my
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: partner and I that living with someone else started to
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: really agitate me. I tried to learn to let things
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: go and not be so picky, but we are about
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: a year into living together and I still can't stand it.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: To make things worse, her and I work together. She
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: started working here a little while after I did, so
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: we never really get that time apart. Just for some detail,
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: she used our body wash for the first three.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: Months of living together.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, never clean the kitchen after using it, even
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: if she spilled beetroot juice on the floor. Encounter ah
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: that shit stains. Would let milk get bad by living
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: in the fridge for two weeks after the expiry and
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: spits her toothpaste on the tap and the actual handle
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: of the tap.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Where we all have to touch.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: I hate confrontation and don't know how to bring anything
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: up without making it weird. My feedback style is I
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: like it straight up, without pussy footing around. But my
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: partner has told me that apparently not everyone likes it
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: like that.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: What No, I'm kidding.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: On top of this, I'm convinced she has a thing
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: for my partner. Oh my god, we're going the lead
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: the foot Oh my god, but the bea troop, the
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: bea troothic is the least of you?
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: Does not put that at the end.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: It's like a ps. Yeah, no, I'd be pissed about
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: the beats. But anyway, every time we drink, she will
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: get super close to him, standing between his legs to
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: talk to him when we're playing pool. Now, don't go
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: off on him. Now, don't go off on him, because
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: he truly does try to turn away and looks to
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: me for help when she's getting too close.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: I love that she was like, She's like, damn, don't
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: go in.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Well, to add to my delusion, oh, she has now
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: started seeing a guy who is the same age as
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: my partner has the same job and their name is
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: spelled exactly the same. There's a lot more detail on
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: that topic. And I've confided in my sister, who is
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: also her close friend, and she thinks.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: It's a bit weird as well. Chicks, what the bloody
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: hell do I do?
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Do I confront her?
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: Do I leave it?
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: There is a lot to unpack in that first things First,
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: it sounds like she is very like type A yep,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: whereas her friend comes across very type B in terms
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: of like also like wanting to not have.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: Like spoiled milk in the fridge. Isn't like type A.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: That's just like hygiene, yeah, and hygiene, so like you.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: Know, there's that.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: But it does sound a little bit like she's like
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: what is going on?
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: Like what are you doing?
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: And I really do feel for her because she's like, yes,
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: let's do this thing, let's move Yeah, and then it's happened,
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: and like the idea in the head and the dream
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: hasn't matched the reality, which like there's nothing anyone can
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: do to control that. You can't foresee that, you don't
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: have a crystal ball to be like you know, and yeah,
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: it just sounds like they are spending way way too
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: much time together that they're getting on each other's nerves, yeah,
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: and pissing each other off.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: And that can happen even if you have a really
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: good friendship with somebody, but if you work together and
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: live together. And also you've moved into States, so maybe
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: you're away from the rest of your.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: Pressure on that friendship. Yeah, well I moved for you exactly.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: So I think all of those things are like I
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: think when you move in with a friend, like you're
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: gonna get pissed off at shit that they do regardless
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: even if you are both super similar.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: But so I think that that's a tricky circumstance anyway.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: But I think.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: The real boundary crossing is how she's behaving with your partner, Yeah,
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: and the fact that he's shown that he's uncomfortable with it. Yeah,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, have you spoken to him about it
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: or is it just kind of like his looks of
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: like passing, do you like help me? Because he also
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: probably doesn't want to be like can you fucking not
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: to like offend her friend and like maybe cause a
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: rift in their friendship as well.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: But I want to know if you guys are on
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: like the same page.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: I assume that you are, and also that you're both
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: annoyed at how she treats like the communal spaces and
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: her behavior at home. So like if you haven't already
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: chat to him just so that you can like vent
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: and let some of that stuff out.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: But I honestly think that you.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: Need to have it out a little bit.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: I think for the immediate future, like you need to
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: bring up some of the smaller stuff like the toothpaste,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: the milk, like and just be like, hey, girl, like
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: I noticed that the milk that you bought blah blah,
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: can you please make sure that you throw it away
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: like or I've had to do it the last couple
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: of times or something like bring the those small things. Yeah,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: but I think for the long term you should probably
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: move home. Yeah.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you guys should live together anymore.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that's normal as well. All this
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: space that can really help those friendships that have become
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: a little bit too close that it's starting to wear
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: on the relationship. I don't know if this is working anymore,
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: Like we're just you know, I'm annoyed by your presence
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: all the time that it's like, when are you actually
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: enjoying the friendship because it makes it hard to way
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: though she said anything in that entire thing that was like,
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: but when we hang out, we have the best time.
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: I love having movie nights with her, I love doing this.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: Like there wasn't actually.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: Anything that she enjoyed about the friendship in there.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: That makes me really sad.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because obviously you guys have were already planning on
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: moving away, and just to be Devil's advocate for like
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: two seconds, is that potentially also from her perspective, you
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: guys had plans to move and then you've found.
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: Your incredible partner who you're very in love with.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: But from her perspective, it also might be, well, we
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: were planning on moving together and you've gotten into a relationship,
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: and now I'm living with you and your boyfriend, which, like,
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: I'm also not saying that she shouldn't have met her
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: partner and gotten into relationship, and I'm just being Devil's
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: advocate that there's always like a differentive and two sides
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: as well. But would you think it was weird if
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: like someone like if I started dating someone that had
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: the same job as your boyfriend and the same name,
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: and no, I wouldn't.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that was weird.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: I think it's the fact that she is like, at
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: least in her eyes, flirting with her partner when they
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: get drunk, and then it's like, I think those are
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: the cherries on top of and it's like and he
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: has the same name, he has the same job.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Whereas I think that if.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: You weren't already irked, you probably wouldn't give a fuck
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: about that stuff. You'd probably like, oh my god, we
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: both have boyfriend's named John, Like that's amazing, Like, you know,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: you probably would see that as like maybe something a
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: bit like tihi haha, not annoying or not that maybe
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: she's trying to date your boyfriend or a double ganger
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: of your boyfriend.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, like, have a sit down and like
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: you said, you're very straight up. But we were talking
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: about this in a previous episode that the one reason
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: why friendships go the distance and last is radical honesty,
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: but always with I think at least empathy. So like,
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: you know, and be prepared in that conversation that she
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: might also have some things that she wants to raise
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: as well, Like it might not necessarily be a conversation
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: where you sit down.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: And go look, be troop gotta go.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, you gotta wipe that beetroot up and
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: get that beat out of there, you know, he stops
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: spitting on the tap. And she might be like, Okay, well,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: like I feel like I don't even know, I'm just
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: making something up, Like you guys are always in the
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: living room and as a couple, and I feel like
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: I'm always the third wheel or I don't know, like
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: she might she made her grievance, yeah, and like looking
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: at that conversation as an opportunity for reconciliation rather than
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: a conflict.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because she says she's.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Really she doesn't like confrontation, which, like that's fair enough.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: It's not a comfortable thing.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: But I'm sure she probably misses her best friend too, Like,
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: if you guys were gonna move across the country together
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: at some point, you must have loved each other like
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: yet been really close and so like, my my priority
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: in that situation would be wanting to figure out, like
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: whether or not we can even get that friendship back,
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: because it sounds like that's the biggest part that's missing.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: And obviously there's a lot of discomfort around some of
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: her behavior that doesn't feel very appropriate, and I totally
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: get that as well.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think it's definitely worth having the conversation
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: and maybe, yeah, look at your options to potentially move
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: out because she's just started a relationship, maybe she'll want
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: to move in with her partner, Like there could be
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: options where you know, you can also say like.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: Look, my partner and I are ready to move.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: To that next stage in our relationship, and part of
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: that is living together.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: I mean live together for a year. Yeah, it's a
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: long time.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: Agreed to move with someone doesn't mean that you have
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: to stay with them, Like you're not going to get
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: like five years in and be like, well, we have
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: to stay with Cindy because.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because we made this decision. I think, Yeah, it's
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: completely obviously don't leave her in the dust. Don't be
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: like all right, well hit the road, Jack, no more,
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: no more. Yeah, yeah, like give her the time and that.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: But you could also bring that up as well, that
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: you're ready to take that next step with your partner
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: and you guys need some more alone time, and yeah,
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: that can be an option as well, And I think
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: that's completely fair enough.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, living with your best friend that you work with,
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: that you both moved away and being a couple as well.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: Like that is a cocktail of stress is company. That's
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: a difficult living scenario, I think for anyone.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: So like I get your girl totally, but good luck
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: with it.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: Good luck, and yeah, try to see if you know
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: you can salvage the friendship.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: If it's possible.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: I also know that, like if I felt like a
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: friend was hitting on my partner, I probably wouldn't really
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: want to follow through on that, So that's fair enough
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: to but yeah, trust your gut. I think trust you
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: know your own boundaries and what you're happy with, and
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: that's the best.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: You can do. And always just lead with kindness and
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: empathy at the end of the day. Yeah, let's bring
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: it back to the Matilda Cake. I know what happens there,
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: bringing Bruce bringing well.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: On that note for another chat, advice of the chicks,
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: if you want to send your dilommaum, we'll put a
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: link in the show notes where you can submit that.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: The more the merrier, And thanks to you chicks for
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: having us in the ear holes.
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: We love to be here.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: Bye tugy Bye,