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Which Money Lie Is Costing You the Most? Start Here. · The Financial Feminism Podcast

0:00
If your job feels secure, but your money
0:03
doesn't, if you've ever introduced yourself by saying,
0:07
I'm just, or if checking your bank account
0:10
feels like opening a message you already know
0:13
is going to ruin your mood, one of
0:16
these five episodes has your name on it.
0:19
Today, I'm helping you find it.
0:34
Welcome to the Financial Feminism Podcast.
0:41
I'm Dr. Toneka Bruce.
0:43
I'm a woman who believes financial freedom is
0:46
not about having more stuff.
0:48
It's about having more options.
0:50
Today, we're doing something a little different.
0:53
We've completed our first five financial feminism conversations.
0:58
And I know some of you who have
1:00
been here from the beginning.
1:01
You listened to episode one when the paint
1:05
was still wet.
1:06
Some of you found me through episode three.
1:09
Somebody sent you maybe even episode four and
1:12
said, girl, this is you.
1:13
And some of you just arrived because maybe
1:16
a title made you stop scrolling.
1:19
However, you found us welcome.
1:21
You're not late.
1:22
You're not behind.
1:23
There will not be a quiz at the
1:25
door and nobody is checking your podcast attendance.
1:29
But we are going to have a little
1:31
fun today.
1:32
Think of this episode as one of those
1:34
moments when you empty your entire purse on
1:37
the table.
1:38
You know what happens.
1:40
Out comes the employee badge, three old receipts,
1:43
a pin that may or may not work,
1:46
a charger that doesn't fit your current phone,
1:49
one mystery key, a piece of candy with
1:53
no wrapper, and something you've been looking for
1:55
since February.
1:57
Today, we're emptying the financial feminism purse.
2:01
Inside it are five beliefs about work, money,
2:07
value, shame, and ownership.
2:10
These beliefs have been influencing women's financial decisions
2:14
for years, sometimes without us even realizing it.
2:19
I'm going to walk you through all five
2:22
episodes, but this is not intended to replace
2:25
them.
2:25
Consider this episode somewhat like the menu.
2:29
So when you hear the part that makes
2:31
you shift in your seat, laugh a little
2:33
too hard, or suddenly get quiet, that is
2:36
the full episode that you need to play
2:38
next.
2:40
Now here's the financial feminism truth for today.
2:44
You do not need every answer before you
2:46
begin.
2:47
You need the right next question and a
2:51
safe place to ask it.
2:53
Let's find your question.
2:55
Episode one.
2:56
Your job is not security, it's familiar.
3:00
The first thing coming out of your purse
3:03
is the employee badge.
3:06
Many women were taught that the safest thing
3:08
we could do was get an education, find
3:12
a good job, work hard, remain dependable, and
3:17
hold on to that job.
3:19
That advice was not necessarily wrong.
3:22
It was incomplete.
3:24
A job can provide you income and benefits
3:27
and experience and even relationships and opportunity.
3:32
A job can help you care for your
3:34
family and build a meaningful career.
3:37
But a job is not the same thing
3:40
as financial security.
3:42
If one organization can change your hours, eliminate
3:46
your position, restructure your entire department, reduce your
3:52
benefits, or decide that your services are no
3:56
longer needed, then that job cannot be your
3:59
entire financial plan.
4:01
That does not mean you should start just
4:04
walk in tomorrow and quit your job.
4:07
You shouldn't just go in and throw in
4:10
your badge on the desk and announce that,
4:12
hey, Dr. Tanika told you to leave.
4:15
Please don't do that.
4:16
Your job can remain part of your plan.
4:19
It simply should not be the only plan.
4:23
Episode one introduces the ownership gap.
4:26
The difference between the income you earn and
4:29
what you actually are building with it.
4:32
Many women know how to earn.
4:35
We know how to work overtime.
4:37
We know how to cover a shift, accept
4:41
another client, take another assignment, enroll in another
4:46
program, and become the person everyone calls when
4:49
something needs to be handled, right?
4:52
But if that income stopped tomorrow, what would
4:55
continue working for us?
4:58
That's the uncomfortable question at the center of
5:01
episode one.
5:03
What would happen if your primary source of
5:06
income disappeared tomorrow?
5:09
Would you have time to make a thoughtful
5:11
decision?
5:13
Would you know your next move?
5:15
Would you have something else producing income?
5:20
Or would everything change immediately?
5:23
This is not a question designed to frighten
5:26
you.
5:27
It's designed to show you what needs your
5:29
attention.
5:31
Familiarity can feel like security because we know
5:35
what to expect.
5:37
We know when the direct deposit should arrive.
5:41
We know our schedule.
5:43
We know how to perform the work.
5:46
But knowing what to expect is not the
5:49
same thing as controlling what happens.
5:53
Episode one also introduces the caregiver tax and
5:57
some of the historical reasons women have had
6:00
less time, less money, and access available for
6:05
building ownership.
6:06
It gives context to the financial anxiety that
6:10
so many hardworking women carry even when they
6:13
appear successful from the outside.
6:16
Listen to episode one if you have a
6:18
good job but still feel financially vulnerable.
6:23
Listen if one paycheck carries most of your
6:26
household.
6:27
Listen if you've spent years building a career
6:30
but have not yet built enough that belongs
6:32
to you.
6:33
And listen if you need to understand why
6:36
earning more money and having more options are
6:39
not always the same thing.
6:42
The episode is called your job is not
6:45
security it's familiar.
6:47
That is your starting point if your employee
6:50
badge has become your entire financial identity.
6:55
Episode two who stole her purse?
6:59
The second thing on our table is the
7:01
purse itself ladies.
7:03
Who stole her purse?
7:05
That title makes it sound as though we're
7:08
about to begin a financial crime investigation.
7:11
You may be expecting dramatic music and fingerprints
7:15
and somebody running through an airport with a
7:18
suspicious looking bag.
7:20
But the thief was not always one person.
7:23
For many women it was an incomplete financial
7:27
education.
7:29
It was silence.
7:31
It was being told to work hard without
7:33
being shown how ownership works.
7:36
It was being taught to stay grateful.
7:40
Avoid asking questions and asking for too much.
7:44
Keep money matters private and let somebody else
7:48
handle the complicated financial decisions.
7:52
Women were taught how to be responsible with
7:55
money but responsibility was often reduced to paying
7:59
bills on time and not spending too much.
8:02
Nobody explained that being responsible should also include
8:06
understanding contracts, negotiating your compensation, building assets,
8:14
protecting your interests, and creating income that doesn't
8:18
depend entirely on your physical presence.
8:21
In episode two I talk about my own
8:24
experience of pursuing more education, carrying more responsibility,
8:29
and continuing to work.
8:31
I believe that if I worked harder, achieved
8:34
more, and became more valuable, freedom would automatically
8:37
follow.
8:39
But busy is not the same as free.
8:43
A crowded calendar can make you look successful
8:46
while leaving you with very little control over
8:49
your own time.
8:51
A strong salary can make you look financially
8:54
secure while most of that money is already
8:57
committed before it reaches your account.
9:01
Another degree may increase your knowledge in your
9:03
earning potential but the degree cannot build ownership
9:08
for you.
9:09
At some point you must decide what your
9:12
income is going to create.
9:15
Here's a quick purse check.
9:17
Let's call it that.
9:18
How much of what you earn is used
9:21
to maintain your current life?
9:24
How much is helping build something that belongs
9:27
to you?
9:29
What knowledge, experience, or ability do you already
9:34
possess that could create additional value?
9:38
Do not judge your answers here.
9:40
Just notice them.
9:42
The point of who stole her purse is
9:45
not that your potential disappeared.
9:48
It didn't.
9:50
The real problem is that many women enter
9:53
the financial game without being taught all the
9:56
rules.
9:57
We learned how to survive inside the system
10:00
without learning how to create leverage within it.
10:04
If you're earning money but cannot see what
10:08
your work is building, play episode two.
10:11
If you keep adding responsibilities but still do
10:15
not feel free, play episode two.
10:18
If you've been waiting until you earn enough
10:21
before thinking about ownership, episode two is waiting
10:26
for you.
10:27
Your purse is still yours.
10:30
The question is whether you are ready to
10:33
decide what goes in it.
10:37
Before we pull out the third item, let
10:40
me tell you where these conversations continue.
10:43
Financial feminism is not supposed to be a
10:46
podcast you quietly listen to while folding clothes
10:49
or nodding your head and then returning to
10:53
the same financial habits.
10:56
The podcast starts the conversation.
10:59
The free financial feminism community helps us do
11:03
something with it.
11:05
We meet for live conversations every Thursday evening
11:08
at eight o'clock eastern time.
11:11
We talk honestly about money, work, business, ownership,
11:17
relationships, mistakes, and the question women are often
11:21
embarrassed to ask anywhere else.
11:24
There's no financial performance contest and no one's
11:28
standing at the door asking for your credit
11:30
score.
11:31
You do not need a business or an
11:34
investment portfolio or even a perfectly organized budget
11:38
to belong.
11:39
You only need the willingness to learn and
11:42
make your next ownership move.
11:45
Join us through the link in the show
11:47
notes.
11:48
The community is free and there are resources
11:51
waiting for you inside.
11:53
Now let's get back to this purse.
11:56
Episode three, the most expensive lie women believe.
12:01
The third item is an old receipt with
12:04
one expensive little word printed across the top.
12:07
Just.
12:09
I'm just a nurse.
12:11
I'm just a mom.
12:13
I'm just helping out.
12:16
Oh, I'm just starting a small business.
12:18
I was just doing my job.
12:22
I don't know if I'm qualified.
12:24
I'm just.
12:26
Every time a capable woman introduces herself with
12:29
the word just, she applies a discount to
12:33
her own value before anyone else has the
12:36
opportunity to recognize it.
12:38
That word can affect how you speak in
12:41
an interview.
12:42
It can affect whether you apply for the
12:45
promotion.
12:46
It can affect how you price your services.
12:49
It can also affect what you negotiate, what
12:54
you tolerate, and whether you believe you belong
12:57
in the room after you finally enter it.
13:00
Episode three came from something I had to
13:03
confront personally after earning my doctorate as an
13:06
accomplishment.
13:08
It can change your credentials without immediately changing
13:12
the way you see yourself.
13:14
You can finish that degree and earn the
13:17
title.
13:18
You can lead the project.
13:20
You can build the business, raise the family,
13:23
solve the problems, and still feel uncomfortable saying
13:27
I did that.
13:29
Women are often encouraged to be humble and
13:32
humility is important, but humility doesn't require dishonesty.
13:37
You don't have to pretend your work was
13:39
easy.
13:41
You don't have to minimize the years it
13:43
took.
13:43
You don't have to erase the leadership, judgment,
13:48
sacrifice, or expertise required to produce the result.
13:53
Recognizing your value, that's not arrogance, it's accuracy.
13:57
And here's the line I want you to
13:59
remember.
14:00
The marketplace cannot consistently value what you refuse
14:05
to value yourself.
14:08
People learn how to respond to you partly
14:11
by watching how you present your own contribution.
14:15
If you constantly minimize your experience, people may
14:19
believe you.
14:20
If you repeatedly provide valuable work without naming
14:24
it, documenting it, pricing it, or connecting it
14:29
to measurable results, that value becomes easy to
14:32
overlook.
14:34
This week, listen for the word just when
14:37
you speak about yourself.
14:39
When you catch it, stop and correct the
14:43
sentence.
14:44
Instead of I'm just a nurse, say what
14:47
you actually do.
14:48
I'm a nurse who helps patients and families
14:50
navigate some of the most vulnerable moments of
14:53
their lives.
14:54
Instead of I'm just helping with the business,
14:57
name the work.
14:58
I manage client relationships, coordinate the schedule, and
15:02
I keep the operation moving.
15:05
Instead of just I was just doing my
15:08
job, tell the truth about the result.
15:12
I recognized the problem, acted quickly, and prevented
15:15
it from becoming worse.
15:17
No exaggeration, no fake confidence, no shrinking either.
15:24
So listen to episode 3 if you regularly
15:27
minimize your work.
15:29
Listen if you are underpricing your services.
15:33
Listen if you've been waiting for someone else
15:35
to confirm that you are ready.
15:39
Listen if your accomplishments look impressive on paper
15:42
but you still struggle to own them when
15:44
you speak.
15:45
The most expensive lie women believe is not
15:48
simply a confidence episode.
15:51
It explains why value is a financial issue.
15:55
Financial feminism doesn't begin with money.
15:58
It begins with value.
16:01
Know your value.
16:03
Own your value.
16:04
Then make decisions that reflect it.
16:08
Episode 4.
16:10
You are not bad with money.
16:12
The fourth item is the bank notification you
16:15
have been avoiding.
16:17
Maybe you swiped it away.
16:19
Maybe you saw the email subject line and
16:22
decided that today was not the day.
16:25
Maybe you open your banking app slowly as
16:28
if the balance might be less upsetting if
16:31
you don't make any sudden movements.
16:34
Episode 4 begins with a sentence that many
16:36
women need to hear.
16:38
You are not bad with money.
16:40
That does not mean every financial decision you've
16:44
made was wise.
16:46
It doesn't mean consequences disappear.
16:50
It doesn't mean we blame the system for
16:52
everything and refuse to take responsibility for anything.
16:56
It means a financial decision is something you
16:59
made.
17:00
It is not who you are.
17:04
There's a difference between accountability and condemnation.
17:09
Accountability asks, what happened?
17:12
What did it cost?
17:14
What do I understand now?
17:17
And what will I do next?
17:20
Condemnation says, this happened because I'm stupid.
17:24
I always ruin everything.
17:27
I should have known better.
17:29
There is no point in trying.
17:32
Condemnation turns one decision into an identity.
17:36
Once that happens, shame begins controlling what you
17:41
are willing to face.
17:43
That creates what I call the missing rule
17:46
book cycle.
17:47
You begin with limited financial education.
17:51
That creates confusion.
17:54
Confusion contributes to a costly decision.
17:58
The decision creates shame.
18:01
Shame creates avoidance.
18:04
Avoidance creates more confusion and less ownership.
18:09
Then the cycle begins again.
18:12
This is why shame costs more than the
18:15
original mistake.
18:18
A missed payment may have a specific cost.
18:22
Avoiding your finances for the next five years
18:25
can cost far more.
18:27
Not asking questions because you are embarrassed can
18:31
become expensive.
18:33
Refusing to review an account, negotiating a bill,
18:37
or correct an error, or even begin investigating
18:41
because you believe it's too late allows one
18:45
painful decision to influence years of future choices.
18:50
Episode four gives you three simple rules.
18:53
Every number is information.
18:56
Questions create ownership.
18:59
Confidence comes after repetition.
19:03
A number is not a moral judgment.
19:05
It's information.
19:07
A balance tells you where you are.
19:10
It does not decide where you must remain.
19:13
You also do not have to understand every
19:17
financial term before you ask your first question.
19:21
Asking the question is part of how you
19:23
become informed.
19:25
And confidence usually does not arrive before action.
19:30
Confidence grows because you've opened the account several
19:33
times.
19:35
You've reviewed the statement.
19:37
You have asked the questions.
19:40
You've practiced.
19:42
You've seen yourself handle something that you once
19:45
avoided.
19:46
The action step for this episode is the
19:49
money shame reset.
19:51
You identify one money message you inherited.
19:55
You examine one past decision without condemning it.
20:00
You name what you understand now that you
20:03
did not understand then.
20:06
Then you choose one manageable action.
20:10
Not 10 actions.
20:12
Not a complete financial transformation before bedtime.
20:16
One action.
20:19
Open one statement.
20:22
Ask one question.
20:25
Schedule one appointment.
20:28
Cancel one charge you no longer need.
20:32
Move one small amount into savings.
20:35
The size of the action is less important
20:38
than interrupting the avoidance.
20:41
Listen to episode four if you're ashamed of
20:44
debt.
20:45
Listen if you make good money but still
20:48
feel anxious every time you check your account.
20:52
Listen if you keep saying, I should know
20:55
this by now.
20:56
Listen if one old financial decision is still
21:00
influencing how you see yourself.
21:03
The episode is you are not bad with
21:06
money.
21:07
Download the free money shame reset when you
21:11
listen and remember you are not bad with
21:14
money.
21:15
You were trained without the complete rulebook.
21:19
Now you can begin learning it.
21:22
Episode five.
21:23
The rules were hidden from you.
21:26
That brings us to the fifth item.
21:29
The instruction sheet.
21:32
Unfortunately, half the pages are missing.
21:35
You receive the page that said work hard,
21:38
be dependable, pay your bills, do not waste
21:43
money, be grateful for what you have.
21:46
Those are useful instructions.
21:50
But somebody forgot to include the pages about
21:53
negotiation, interest, credit, taxes, investments, ownership,
22:05
risk, leverage, contracts, and how time changes the
22:13
value of money.
22:16
Then women were expected to enter the financial
22:19
world and perform as though everyone received the
22:23
same instructions.
22:25
Episode five introduces the hidden rules gap.
22:29
There are five hidden rules.
22:33
Access, language, permission, time, ownership.
22:45
Access matters because information alone is not always
22:49
enough.
22:51
Who can you call?
22:53
What rooms can you enter?
22:55
Who explains the process?
22:58
What professional guidance is available to you?
23:02
What opportunities are you seeking before everyone else
23:06
sees them?
23:09
Language matters, ladies, because financial language can make
23:13
ordinary decisions sound unnecessarily intimidating.
23:18
If you do not understand the terminology, you
23:23
may remain quiet while someone else makes decisions
23:27
that affect your money.
23:30
Permission matters because many women are still waiting
23:33
for someone to tell them it's acceptable to
23:37
negotiate, invest, charge more, ask questions, begin again,
23:44
or make a decision that prioritizes their own
23:48
future.
23:50
Time matters because financial advantage is often created
23:53
slowly.
23:55
It's not always one dramatic move.
23:58
It may be the result of starting earlier,
24:02
remaining consistent, allowing money to compound, and giving
24:08
a good decision enough time to work.
24:12
Ownership matters because income can pass through your
24:15
hands without creating anything you control.
24:20
You can earn a great deal and still
24:22
own very little.
24:24
Episode five includes an evidence audit.
24:28
Instead of asking, why don't I already know
24:31
this?
24:32
Examine the evidence.
24:34
Who taught you about investing?
24:37
Who explained how interest works?
24:40
Who showed you how to negotiate your salary?
24:44
Where did you learn to review a contract?
24:48
Who discussed retirement planning with you?
24:52
Did anyone explain the difference between earning money
24:56
and owning an asset?
24:58
If those conversations never happen, your confusion is
25:03
not proof that you are incapable.
25:07
It's evidence of what was missing.
25:10
Once you identify the missing rule, you can
25:13
learn it.
25:15
Episode five closes with three practical moves.
25:19
Ask, compare, own.
25:24
Ask the question you have been too embarrassed
25:27
to ask.
25:28
Compare the rate, fee, salary, contract, account, lender,
25:37
offer, or opportunity before accepting what is placed
25:41
in front of you.
25:43
Then own the decision.
25:46
Do not hand your financial life to an
25:48
employer or partner or relative or salesperson or
25:53
online personality and hope they always act in
25:56
your best interest.
25:58
You can receive guidance and still participate fully
26:01
in the decision.
26:03
So listen to episode five if you work
26:06
hard but cannot understand why you are not
26:09
getting ahead.
26:11
Listen if financial conversations make you feel as
26:14
though everyone else knows something you missed.
26:18
Listen if you've been waiting for permission to
26:20
negotiate, invest, start, or ask.
26:24
The rules were hidden from you will help
26:27
you identify the rule you need to learn
26:30
next.
26:31
You were not given every page.
26:34
That does not mean the remaining pages must
26:37
stay hidden.
26:38
How the five episodes connect.
26:41
Now look at everything we've emptied onto the
26:45
table.
26:46
The employee badge, the purse, the receipt marked
26:50
just, the bank notification, the incomplete instruction sheet.
26:56
These were not five random conversations.
26:59
Together they explain how women can work hard,
27:04
earn money, become highly accomplished, and still feel
27:08
financially uncertain.
27:10
Episode one challenges the belief that a familiar
27:14
job automatically creates security.
27:17
Episode two exposes the difference between staying busy
27:21
and building ownership.
27:24
Episode three shows how undervaluing yourself affects what
27:30
you pursue, request, charge, and accept.
27:36
Episode four removes the shame that keeps you
27:39
from facing your numbers.
27:41
Episode five reveals the rules that you were
27:44
never taught and gives you a way to
27:46
begin learning them.
27:49
This is the path from uncertainty to ownership.
27:54
Now I want you to choose your episode.
27:57
If your greatest fear is losing your paycheck,
28:00
begin with episode one.
28:01
Your job is not security, it's familiar.
28:05
If you earn money but cannot identify what
28:08
you're building, begin with episode two.
28:10
Who stole her purse?
28:12
If you keep saying I'm just, discounting your
28:16
work, or waiting for someone to recognize you,
28:19
begin with episode three.
28:21
The most expensive lie women believe.
28:25
If you avoid your accounts, carry any financial
28:28
shame, or believe a past direction defines you,
28:32
begin with episode four.
28:34
You are not bad with money.
28:37
If you feel as though everyone else received
28:40
financial instructions that never reached your house, begin
28:44
with episode five.
28:45
The rules were hidden from you.
28:48
Which one made you feel uncomfortable?
28:51
That is probably your episode.
28:54
Do not save it for sometime.
28:58
Do not save it for, oh I'll get
29:01
to it at some point.
29:03
We both know sometime and some point is
29:07
where saved podcast episodes go and live out
29:11
the rest of their natural lives.
29:14
Before you close this app, add your episode
29:18
to the queue.
29:19
Better yet, press play as soon as this
29:21
one ends.
29:23
Your Financial Feminism Challenge.
29:26
Here's your challenge for this week.
29:29
First, choose one of the five episodes.
29:33
Second, listen to the full conversation without multitasking
29:37
through the part that challenges you.
29:40
Third, join the Financial Feminism Community and post,
29:45
I'm starting with episode blank because blank.
29:51
That's it.
29:53
You don't need to share your income.
29:55
You don't need to describe your debt.
29:58
You don't