Transcript

Not Deer · The Danger Zoo

0:03
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
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Welcome everyone to the Danger Zoo.
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The department of anomalous and non human genetic entities,
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Reconnaissance and zoological occult operations.
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I am Coyote, your game warden. Who here remembers what happened
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last time? You asked me if I remember.
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Hazy had buttered A Connex box. Funny as shit for sure.
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Yep, Yep. And then Baby Bird went full
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Leroy Jenkins into the house. I do remember that.
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Not uncommon for him. Yeah, oh, he also set up mines
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up front. Yeah, I told you, you need to
0:49
get used to exiting through Windows.
0:53
Yeah, yeah. Well, that worked.
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So we're still on the hunt for the white coffin.
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Baby Bird found it dropped a flash bang into the lodge.
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You guys that know about this? And the flash bang knocked the
1:05
coffin into the hole that it was teetering on.
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And then he went to run out. But as he went to run out, the
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floor gives a dry, splintering crack just as Baby Bird locks
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eyes with what he runs into. And it's none other than the
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white thing just staring at him menacingly.
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There's no time to shout. A warning.
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Boards collapse between them, like a trap door ripped open by
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the earth itself. Baby Bird and the creature
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vanished into the dark below, swallowed by the same unseen
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drop that claimed the pale coffin.
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I barely managed to throw myself backwards onto the other floors
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to avoid getting sucked down into the deep dark with these
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Ding dongs. But as the coffin fell, I guess
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it touched the ground and that was the thing we were told was
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to keep the coffin from touching the ground.
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We didn't know why, but I think we're going to find out.
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Missions start. As it fell, the ground outside
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around you guys started to tremble.
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Not violently, but purposefully, like a heartbeat traveling up
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through the soil. A soundless pool rolls across
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the town, a calling that doesn't use words.
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Outside in the abandoned village, you guys hear the earth
2:27
begin to bulge in some areas. That's what she said.
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You can hear something scratching at the ground.
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Not only do you hear things coming out of the ground, you
2:39
hear something landing by the connex boxes, some of it kind of
2:44
gently landing and some of it just full on just slamming to
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the ground. Lots of noises held outside,
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Hazy you're inside. Night out you're outside and
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Night Owl is the first one to see.
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North of him. About 5-10, fifteen, 2025 feet
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out of the ground you see a zombie looking lumberjack, a
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zombie Jack crawling out of the ground just looking at you.
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So he sees him 25 like feet away or that motherfucker is 25 feet
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tall. No, he's 25 feet away from him.
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He's 25 feet north of him. OK, I was about to say holy
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shit. You say 25 feet tall, I'm
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fucked. Yeah, I want to go ahead and
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hide. Not sure.
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Good luck everybody else. So what are you girls doing?
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I'm still inside. I got to make my way out to you.
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Do I know there's a ruckus? Yeah, you both hear all of that.
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I'm going to go over the radio and let Hazy know what the hell
3:54
is out here. Currently a zombie Jack.
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OK, go to the radio and tell him.
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Wait, he's outside that house. He's he's outside that house
4:05
right now. Yeah, I am.
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Yeah, night out kicked the door open was the last thing he did.
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I got you OK. Hey lazy, I'm going to need
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help. Say no more bro over and I'm
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going to Assassin's Creed. This shit bust through that
4:24
door. You already busted in through
4:26
the door. You can just.
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Oh no. Walk out.
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No. Is that is that window?
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Is that window next to me broken?
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No, the window's not broken. This is the house you went
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through the chimney, God. Damn.
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Yeah, yeah, Nah, fuck that shit. Give me an athletics roll.
4:41
Jump through that window. As you, as he goes over and he
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tells you that and you're getting ready to jump out, you
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just hear me out of breath on the radio.
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Something, something happened. Baby bird's gone.
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There's big white Dick off. It's gone.
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Some fucking run. Everybody's gone fucking die.
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Yeah, I'm, I'm trying to focus. Oh, I got a dirty 20 by the way.
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Oh yeah, nice. You jump out to the blast, land
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perfectly on your feet. Easy day.
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You just brush a little bit of glass off of your shoulder, like
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your shaft. You even hear in the background,
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hazy. And as you were there, you see
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almost directly in front of you another zombie, already dug out
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of the ground and slowly walking towards you.
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He's about 5 feet from you now. Oh.
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So these aren't like World War Z zombies?
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New think Jeebus no I come running out of the house door
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kicked and I jump off the porch and I look at the 2C4 things I'm
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like and I keep running 15 feet SI don't even see the zombie
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that is to the West of me. I just keep trucking and I make
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it to where the tree is. Now OK.
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So night out, you're up. All right, I'll try to shoot
5:58
them with my bow. Shoot that zombie.
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Yeah, what is that, 20? Yeah, it's going to be your D20
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and then you add your decks to it.
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Any distance weapon is decks, any melee weapon is strength.
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Uh got 15 with decks to 3, so 18. 18 Alright, let me pull up
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my lumberjack. No, no.
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They got B sheets. OK, what do you hit?
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UH-18. 18 hits. Oh wait, you're not.
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How far do your arrows shoot? 30 feet.
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Oh yeah, he's in range. So you hit him, roll for damage,
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shoot Maverick at it. OK, 5.
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Five points of damage. Yeah.
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Buck. All right?
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Yeah, you hit him and it's shoulder like just takes the
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arrow and it sure is barely like hanging on now and it just kind
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of looks at you and it slowly turns away.
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He's like, rude. He starts going.
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He's. Like really, you're not worth my
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time. He's going east, he walks like 5
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feet. He does not care about you at
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all. He he really is trying not to
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care about you at all right now. He's pretty arrow in his
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shoulder. For the record, nobody's rolled
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for initiative yet, just so you guys are aware.
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I mean, I was actually wondering that, well, I mean honestly, I
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was just going to pick up a handful of pebbles, kind of
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flick at the zombie and kind of get him to follow me while I
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walk towards y'all. All right, give me an athletics
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role for that. Athletics.
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Yeah. Come on.
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What'd you get? Man I was trying not to be
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dirty, it was a fucking clean 20 but then I re rolled it not to
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be dirty and it was a 19 so it'd be a dirty 21 so.
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All right, Yeah. No, that's fine, 21.
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You hit the zombie with a Pebble and the zombie responds with the
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zombie sways a little bit but then it just keeps walking going
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NE 5 feet like it's not paying attention to you at all.
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But that was the whole point, I wanted to follow me while I
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walked towards y'all. Yeah.
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I was going to show you my new pet.
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I mean you're it's walking towards where we are anyways,
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so. So he just ignore me.
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He's being rude as fault, all right.
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I'm I'm still panicking. I go southwest and I head over
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to night owl and I'm like baby birds gone.
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Oh sweet Jesus, he's gone. That poor sweet child.
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I'm just panicking and I'm just like shaking night Owl's vest.
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I'm like, what are we going to do?
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I'll freak it out. And I smack the fuck out of your
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face and calm me down all. Right, give me a melee check.
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There we go. OK.
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I smacked the shit out of you. I got 13.
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OK, yeah, you give me a little a little tap on the face and I'm
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like, I'm, I'm good to go, but due to my panic and I'm still
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hyperventilating and I'm going to take a scaredy puss roll and
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let's see what happens to me. Don't know.
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I rolled A-40 OK cool that is below my scaredy puss points.
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I'm at a 53 so I'm good with 40 and I'm I collect my thoughts.
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I'm like who? Where did you start at?
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Where'd you get scaredy Puss deducted for?
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Oh, all sorts of stuff. That was from the Owl Man man.
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OK. Oh yeah, that wouldn't, that
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wouldn't fuck them up. These points don't reset unless
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unless something happens. Well, honestly, I, I mean,
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that's, that's what's not, that's one of those things that
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was not fair to us because I was not keeping up with those scary
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points. I I tried my best but I kind of
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lost track on that. That's all right.
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You died and it reset. Oh sweet.
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You're back to 35. That works for me.
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Unless you do something heroic or somebody helps you out in
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that specific situation. Oh, you saw all the heroic
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things I've done. No, or you just straight up die
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and reset your character and you're back at level 1.
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You're scaredy puss is going to constantly go down.
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I died talking shit bro for y'all.
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Yeah, you did. Yes, and you went back to level
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1. Congratulations.
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Lost all that charisma. All right, I'm I'm going to go
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headspace and I start looking around and I see the zombies
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moving and I noticed they're not coming towards us, but I'm still
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hearing like it sounds kind of like clip clop but not quite.
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It's very light, but also sounds like stumbling hoof noises on
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the edge of the noises. No, not like click clack and
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I'll shoot you. So I'm like that sound.
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That's what's worrying me. That's weird.
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I guess I'll row for initiatives then figure out what the fuck's
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going on. Now we already got the
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initiative right. We don't have initiative, we're
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not in the battle scenario. Oh, because it ain't worried
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about us. Correct.
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Gotcha SO. What do you want to do,
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gentlemen? This is my time.
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It is night owls. What do you?
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Want to do Oh yeah, try to figure out what the hell they're
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going towards, I guess. Where are they walking?
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Towards the house. Why are you putting so many
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fucking zombies on me bro? What is going on?
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That one seemed like he was walking towards the house, so I
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don't know. Hazy.
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Do you have any zombies going anywhere?
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I mean, I have this one in front of me that is kind of pissing me
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off by ignoring me. Can I like take my turn?
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Sure, take your turn. Yeah, I'm going to walk by him
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and ball tap him as hard as I fucking possibly can and just
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like walk right, you know, by him.
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Jukes on you, his shit's already wrote it off.
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I don't give a fuck, it's just the principle of the thing.
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All right, you walk. You walk up right next to him.
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Take a swing at him. What is that melee?
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Yeah, if the ball tap. 13. Oh Lee Shit.
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Oh no. You go to ball tap him and you
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get him but it's a knee jerk reaction and his axe comes down
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chopping at you and he catches you with this Nat 20.
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What the fuck? In your fucking elbow.
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That is a total classic hazy, you know, reaction right there.
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You ball tapped him and he swings his arm down because he
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was walking with the axe like, you know, just on his shoulder.
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Nice and shalently, unlike most zombies I guess.
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And he let's see, he got you with a Nat 20, so you're going
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to get some damage. No part No, no.
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Two points of damage. 20 That's not bad.
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Yep, only two points of damage but he caught you with that axe
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and it was a Nat 20 so you are taking bleed damage so every
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time it's your turn now. Take one.
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You're going to you're going to take one HP.
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Nice. But with that, now we have to
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roll initiative. No, fuck.
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Oh, now they're pissed because I fucking.
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Nut tapped them. Oh, you're cool with the total
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strangers coming up to you and going boop?
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All right, I objectified him and he's, you know, pissed.
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Now I got you. Let's go all.
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Right, I got 17. There's no fucking way I just
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rolled A1. I got a three.
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Shit. Night out you go, and then this
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zombie goes, and then that zombie goes, and then two other
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zombies go and then I go. And then that Bush goes, Then
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that mermaid in the pond goes. And then fucking and.
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Then AC goes all right, so night out you get to go, which is
14:20
weird. Apparently getting tapped to the
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nuts is worse than getting shot in the shoulder with a fucking
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arrow. All right, night out.
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What are you doing? And so they're starting to come
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towards us then or. Nope.
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No, what the fuck? OK, So what the hell are we
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fighting then? Where an initiative hazy took
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damage. OK so when he chopped me he just
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ignored me after that and just kept walking.
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Yeah, he he brought his axe down and it caught you in the elbow
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and now he's just holding his axe by his side.
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And then he's walking like just continuously past me, like.
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He hasn't. He hasn't gone anywhere.
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He's right next to you. OK.
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It's it's a night owl's turn. Oh shit, so that one by the
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house is still just going up there?
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Nobody has moved or gone anywhere.
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Oh fuck. Here's the thing they do In D&D,
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you don't have to take your turn.
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You can do this thing we're calling focus, where you just
15:20
think of a game plan so that whatever you do next turn,
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you're going to add a + 2 two. But in D&D in general, you can
15:28
always pass your turn and not do anything.
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For no action point taken away from you.
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And if I would have known that I would have been doing that a
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long time ago. A lot less shit talking.
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Holy fuck if you would have told me that.
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You don't have to do stuff. You're the bullshit.
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You just decide to talk shit. You don't need points taken away
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to do that. No, honestly, when I when I play
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like DND and like Baldur's Gate, that's one of my main things is
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I I'll wait my turn. You make the first move.
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If I would have known that shit. You could always, you could
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always wait your turn. You could do anything.
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This is tabletop RPG. Mavi.
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Mavi. Night out, what are you doing?
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So I'm going to wait my turn then and try to figure out what
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the fuck's going on. OK, as you wait your turn, this
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zombie goes five more feet to the east.
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This zombie goes 5 feet N the one by Hazy.
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This other zombie that's on the other side of this building that
16:27
you guys can't see, we can hear him moving.
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Two other zombies we hear shuffling around somewhere.
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I am freaking out again. Zombies are here and I love
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zombies. However, pretty kitty's gone.
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None of us have found him yet. And now baby Bird's gone.
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So I am going to go regroup. I'm going to head northeast to
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this building and I'm going to kick the door in.
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No whammy, no whammy, no whammy. Oh OK, I kick this door, but
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when I kick it my foot slides too much and I do the splits,
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causing one point of damage to my growing area.
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Hazy, you're up. I didn't even kick the door
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open. Don't know.
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I'm going to be pissed this time, so I'm just going to walk
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with my tactical knife and stab that zombie in front of me in
17:18
the back of the head. OK, so you're going to step
17:21
behind him and stab in the back of the head.
17:22
Go for it. So that'd be a 13.
17:28
OK, you hit him with a 13. Let's see.
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Oh yeah, you got to stab him. And it stabs like right in his
17:36
toboggan. It like totally misses his head
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and he's like fuck you pull your knife.
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You pull your knife back and his toboggan comes out and you
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realize the reason you miss is like the half back of his head
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is missing. Isn't that the whole fucking
17:49
point of a zombie? He's still got a brain there to.
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Be missing a half a half fucking head.
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His skull is missing. There's still brain in there,
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but you missed all of that. I missed the brain.
18:01
You missed the brain. OK, sweet.
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Night out, you're up. But see, these are more like The
18:07
Last of Us zombies in. No you you definitely can like
18:11
kill them in the brain area. No.
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No, I'm just, I'm just a terrible ninja.
18:19
All right, well, if we're still looking for pretty Kitty, I
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guess I'll go to that building directly West of me.
18:27
The one I'm at or the one that's all the way at the end of the
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village? All the way at the end.
18:33
All right, so you had like 30 feet West and you get to that.
18:37
Go ahead and give me. Are you trying to kick the door
18:39
in now? Yeah.
18:42
Well, actually, so that's going to take when we're in battle,
18:45
you only get one roll. Oh, OK.
18:48
And you can only travel so many feet.
18:50
You've traveled quite a bit. So that distance is your entire
18:54
move. Yeah.
18:55
OK. And when that happens, the
18:58
zombie that's close to the cabin takes another 5 feet step to it.
19:01
It's right next to the C4 of baby Birds I.
19:06
Forgot about that. AZ, the zombie in front of you,
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takes another step forward, unbothered by you.
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Yeah, I'm. Sure, motherfucker.
19:15
The zombie that's on the east side of the village takes
19:18
another step, but then all of a sudden you guys don't see this
19:21
zombie that's too far away. But there's a scuffle sound near
19:25
you, hazy, and then we hear zombies moving somewhere South
19:30
of us, but we don't see them yet.
19:34
Now I'm going to try and kick this fucking you know what?
19:36
I'm not going to kick it in. Go through that window.
19:39
They just turn the handle, see if it's unlocked.
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For for shame, I'm not. Go through that window, Sir.
19:46
No, I have a dex of three. I'm going to roll to see if I
19:49
can get into this door. I'm going to see if I can pick
19:52
the lock. No fun.
19:55
Or you know, turn the handle, see if it's unlocked.
19:58
Oh, I guess I should turn that. Don't tell me Jesus.
20:03
All right. It it's locked now, I'm going to
20:05
roll. Yeah, OK.
20:06
Can I get in there? 2223 plus 8?
20:08
Nope I can't. I broke my lock pick inside the
20:11
door. This is bullshit.
20:14
Should have been a gangster about it.
20:15
Man with the window lessons learned.
20:19
Yeah, I guess I'm going to have to now.
20:21
Hazy. It's your turn.
20:23
OK, I'm going to pull out my gun and shoot this fucking zombie in
20:26
the back of the God damn head. Absolutely shoot the zombie.
20:31
No Mama sway. Do I?
20:33
Is it some regular 20? Plus your decks.
20:37
Decks, That's what it is. Oh, so 17. 17 hits give me
20:41
damage. D64.
20:47
Oh, he takes 4 points of damage, you just shoot his shoulder.
20:50
He actually drops the axe that that's in his hand that hit you.
20:54
The fucking shoulder. Come on bro.
20:56
Yep, God damn it. We had to get like a six to hit
20:59
the head. What the fuck?
21:01
No, you got to roll high on on your original hit.
21:06
I'd probably like what, a 13 or something?
21:08
Oh, OK. You can say, hey, I'm going to
21:12
aim for this specifically, but if you do that, you got to roll
21:16
really high to get that. Oh, specifics.
21:21
No, now you bring that up. So I blew off what?
21:26
His nothing, His arm or his pinky toe.
21:30
You shot him in the shoulder. He dropped his axe.
21:32
Good for you. He's still ignoring the fuck out
21:35
of me. Yeah, for sure.
21:38
All right, let's see if the door is unlocked.
21:40
First, try to open it like a normal human being.
21:44
Give me a luck roll. Is that a 20?
21:47
It's a deep, they're always deep 20s, but that's going to be your
21:50
charisma added. 18. Oh, yeah, You open the door and
21:58
it's dark inside. Darkness.
22:00
Charlie Murphy. Fuck your couch.
22:05
So I can't see shit. Hey, you got a flashlight?
22:09
All right, now turn the flashlight on.
22:11
Look around. All right.
22:12
You rolled pretty high. You go in there, you go to
22:14
check. Give me AD 10 roll real quick.
22:18
Oh, got a 10? OK, that's that's not
22:23
necessarily good. You.
22:26
No, it's not so. Fuck.
22:29
You walk in here and you see there's a barrel to the north,
22:31
there's a chimney. It looks like this place used to
22:34
be as a storage closet. And there's a desk or what
22:38
remains of a desk in the southeast corner of the room.
22:42
And on that desk you see a faded cloth banner with a hand stitch
22:47
union blessing asking for protection against and I quote
22:52
accidents of the mountain. And when you walk in the room,
22:56
you you stuck your light in to see, but that banner that's
23:00
sitting on that desk kind of glows in the dark, not really
23:04
puts off a light, but it has a it radiates warmth.
23:10
Mine. Go pick it up.
23:13
Yeah. I forgot where.
23:15
Where is this located again? Alabama.
23:21
Oh man. Yeah, OK.
23:23
So this is the union bunkhouse prayer banner.
23:25
It's a blessing. So once prayer encounter the
23:28
holder may re roll a failed fortitude or will save.
23:31
It provides a clue hinting the lumberjacks were killed by
23:35
something unnatural. So this zombie that's close to
23:42
the house, it takes one step closer to the house and it stops
23:48
right in front of the stairs and it turns around facing S where
23:52
you are hazing. And then the zombie in front of
23:54
you takes one step N, but it looks to the east, around the
23:58
corner. You can't see something, but you
24:00
hear a commotion coming from the other side of the building to
24:03
the northeast of you. Hazy at this point, I feel
24:07
something creeping up behind my back.
24:11
Oh shit. And I bet it's a zombie, but I'm
24:14
not going to turn around because if I can't see you.
24:16
You can't see me close my eyes real tight.
24:20
And this is the rules hazy. You also get the feeling that
24:24
something's right behind you, probably closer than what's
24:27
behind me. What you going do, Maisie?
24:33
Rudd, bitch, Rudd. Oh, me, me.
24:36
Yes, you're up. Yeah, I'm going to turn around
24:40
and blast my grappling hook at my first instinct.
24:45
All right, you're going to roll at disadvantage because you
24:47
don't know something's behind you.
24:48
You just feel something's behind you.
24:50
This instinct, I have instincts bro.
24:52
Come on man. Yeah, that's why you're able to
24:55
do it in general. Are they are they flat footed
24:59
because I have D6 if they're flat footed.
25:03
No, you would be flat footed in that scenario.
25:05
They're sneaking up on you. Sons of bitches.
25:09
All right, run it. So what do I?
25:12
Do are you going to roll disadvantage while you do that?
25:15
I'm going to go over here, I'm going to do athletics, I'm going
25:17
to try and jump through this window, which I think is fucking
25:19
stupid. Don't hurt yourself, old man.
25:23
God damn it, And I just smashed through this window with ease.
25:29
I hate that that's how I have to get into buildings, all right.
25:35
Hey what was the add on to that role?
25:38
Did I have any? For blasting it.
25:42
I mean, I guess whatever I was doing I wrote twice.
25:46
Oh, so that's still like a let's see, what do you have for that?
25:52
Do do, do, do climbers keepers, do you get anything additional
25:55
to that? No.
25:57
No, yeah, not really I. Think it's just that you get a +
26:00
2 to climbing, stealing and restraining enemies.
26:06
Yeah. So it'd be a regular melee or
26:09
not? No.
26:09
Would it be a melee or? It would still be like a it's a
26:13
ranged weapon so add your decks which is.
26:18
Just the decks. 44 it's pretty good.
26:21
But you said the lowest. Yeah, you take the lowest
26:24
number, add 4 to it. All right, so 12.
26:28
OK, you turn around and hit the zombies.
26:30
Just Dang. And it just hits him in the
26:32
chest and falls to the ground. Now you have to take a turn to
26:35
roll it back up. It isn't like grab it.
26:39
Is it dead? No, it just hit it.
26:42
It didn't hook on anything, it just pooped off his chest.
26:45
It didn't go through it. What kind of pussy ass like
26:48
Toys-R-Us shit is this? Some.
26:51
Steroid zombies going. It's a zombie.
26:54
Maybe these zombies are really strong.
26:56
You don't know. They've been working out.
26:58
They're lumberjacks. They're they are lumberjacks.
27:01
They're sturdy motherfuckers. Been dead.
27:03
No Biology. Biology.
27:05
Nah. My God.
27:06
Biology How? Biology, You want to bring
27:09
zombies? This is magic, bitch.
27:10
Get off my nuts. Sons of bitches.
27:16
So I had to waste the next turn drawing my fucking grappling
27:20
hook back up. I'll tell you what, just be just
27:23
because you're upsetting spaghetti about it, you shoot
27:26
him in the chest and you immediately roll it up because
27:28
it's right next to you. Didn't go that far all.
27:31
Right, that didn't work. Turn wasted.
27:33
All right. Gotcha all.
27:33
Right, right out your turn again.
27:36
Well, I'm going to stay in the area up here where these zombies
27:39
appearing. They're all fucking going.
27:41
I guess I'll go over to the building in front of yours,
27:44
Northwest. You can you, you can.
27:48
You can look around too and like investigate.
27:52
Oh, good point, good point. You're already investigated in
27:56
here. Do you want to look some more?
27:59
Did he did he actually investigate?
28:01
Yeah, that's how he got the banner.
28:03
Oh yeah, yeah, I thought he just got that from just like busting
28:07
in. No, that was a part of the
28:08
investigation. Gotcha.
28:12
So you want to go out and go north to that other building up
28:15
there? Yeah.
28:17
Yeah, I see. You head out and you get all the
28:18
way north and that is going to be your turn.
28:21
That one zombie that moved in front of the building is not
28:24
going anywhere. It's just staying there.
28:26
It's just standing in front of the lodge looking S like it's a
28:29
guard. This zombie that hazy got nut
28:34
their nut tapped and that caused him damage and then he took the
28:37
axe off of heads east towards the sound that you hear over
28:42
here to the east there Hazy and the zombie behind you hazy.
28:47
Sorry, the zombie that is South of you facing you is going to
28:51
take a swing at you. What's your AC?
28:54
Oh, it doesn't matter. This zombie goes to swing at
28:59
you. But like you said, Bulgy, these
29:02
these zombies are slow and this guy like just very gently swings
29:07
an axe and you just kind of move your shoulder and you're like,
29:09
quit it. Get out of.
29:13
Here. So he misses you.
29:16
The zombie that was behind me moves northeast.
29:21
All right, so I guess I'll investigate.
29:25
Here, let me get AD 10. Roll.
29:29
I got a two. OK, so the room I walked in or
29:34
jumped through and I landed on some barrels, thank goodness.
29:37
And I get down. There's a chimney to the West.
29:41
Get down. There's not a whole lot in this
29:43
place. There's a couple crates that are
29:46
broken and there's a door to the east.
29:49
Not the door to enter that's also to the east, but it's a
29:51
door to another small little room.
29:53
But as I'm investigating, I find not good.
29:59
No, fuck. Oh no, he's good.
30:01
Sorry. I rolled A2.
30:03
I find under the collapsed floor of this place a circular
30:08
sawdust. A circle of sawdust preserved
30:13
unnaturally, like all this stuff is in disarray.
30:15
But this isn't a perfect circle. And inside it I feel safe.
30:20
Like I am being cuddled against my mother's bosom.
30:24
Like I'm just like, I'm not leaving unless I got to pee.
30:26
I'm not getting out of here. This feels nice.
30:29
This is my safe space. Like I said, it's like a circle
30:32
of sawdust is not natural. So yeah, of course not.
30:36
It's fucking sawdust. She gets everywhere besides a
30:40
circle. Yes, but it's unnatural of the
30:42
fact that everything is in disarray and this stuff is still
30:45
here on the ground. Like I can move it with my hand,
30:48
but it it looks like somebody put it here and then it just
30:53
doesn't move. Mind blown.
30:58
Hazer, you're up. Oh shit is it my turn since I'm
31:01
still on the same fucking 5 foot radius for like 10 turns?
31:05
OK. You you act like it's everybody
31:08
else's fault you haven't moved. I'm done with this.
31:11
I'm going to jump on this fucking building to my left and
31:14
just jump on the roof. OK.
31:16
And just, you know, like kind of go towards y'all but on top of
31:20
this building. So do you want to Batman grapple
31:23
over this building? Yes, if if that hook can handle
31:27
it, yes I would love to do. It all right, give it a shot.
31:30
Roll. Your wish hook.
31:33
Add your +2 to your athletic role here.
31:37
If he's just like trying to climb up, it's going to be
31:39
dexterity because he's doing something like athletic.
31:41
He's going to add his strength to it because he's getting shot
31:44
over this thing. So he's got to be, he's got to
31:47
have some strength because this is going to fucking hurt if he
31:49
fucks it up. OK, so it's my role.
31:53
Plus what? Plus what?
31:55
It's your role plus your strength, and then you're going
31:58
to add the +2 because you're using the climbers keepers.
32:02
Thank God for that because it's it's a 15.
32:06
Oh. All right, good.
32:08
No. Oh, he said.
32:11
Oh, kind of like oh oh. Shit, this is actually going to
32:14
work. 15 was the minimum for this to work and you shoot over
32:20
and you land and the reason you land so well is you land
32:23
directly on this zombie just and you cause him give me give me AD
32:28
6 roll. D6 fault.
32:34
That would be a fault. OK, yeah, actually when you land
32:39
on this zombie, you land a regular on his neck and off goes
32:42
his head. Fuck.
32:43
And then the rest of his body just kind of goes limp and I'll
32:47
be down. My my feelings should go up a
32:49
little bit because I feel better.
32:51
I killed 1. Why did you feel bad in the 1st
32:53
place? Because.
32:54
I mean, I, I took like it was a four attack zombie, one fucking
32:58
zombie and I couldn't kill that motherfucker.
33:00
I even used my special cold grappling hook that I just got.
33:05
Didn't even do anything. It bounced off his fucking
33:07
chest. His his dreams were being
33:09
crushed. Baby use it right.
33:11
It's it's got three different uses and he didn't use any of
33:13
them. Like I'm going to shoot him in
33:16
the chest. Boop, boop.
33:17
I thought I would have a cool little pet zombie that could
33:19
like, you know, trailer behind me.
33:21
It didn't even like bounce off his come on, man, he.
33:24
Just wanted to live out his fantasy of killing a zombie and
33:26
just getting crushed left and right all.
33:30
Right night out. It's your turn, all right.
33:34
Where the fuck can I enter in this boat?
33:37
You're at the. You're at one of the windows
33:40
right there on the South side. All right, I guess I'll jump
33:45
through. There's other ways people give
33:49
me an athletics role or. Where's that?
33:51
Well, that's why I was asking. Where's the fucking door at?
33:53
Oh, it's, it's on the east side. No, there.
33:56
There's literally no other ways. Don't listen, Don't listen.
34:02
It's blacked out for a reason. You can't see it.
34:04
You can't see it. That's.
34:05
What was originally asking? Just say you jumped to the
34:08
window. God damn it, No, I'm going to
34:10
the door. Where's the door?
34:12
All right, go to the door and kick it in with athletics.
34:15
Athletics. You go east and then north and
34:19
you're right in front of the door.
34:21
Dirty 20. Oh, Dirty 20.
34:24
Yeah, you kick that thing in and shockingly, there's a Lantern
34:29
lit in this place and you can see everything in here.
34:32
Shockingly. Lantern OK.
34:36
Yes, it's in a. Shocking make a shocking voice.
34:41
I see the light. Yes, there's a burning Lantern
34:44
in an abandoned village. I don't like that.
34:48
You should be shocked and you went inside.
34:52
Yeah, fuck. That's it.
34:54
That's your turn. Yeah.
34:57
Oh fuck. I'm in danger.
35:01
The zombie to the east of you, hazy, is still moving east of
35:03
you, but you see some. Fuck that zombie.
35:06
You hear, you hear something going on over there and you look
35:08
over and there's this deer that doesn't look quite right.
35:13
It's got like its neck bent in three different angles and it's
35:17
just going toe to toe with a zombie.
35:19
The zombie squared up to it, but this deer is fucking his shit
35:25
up. So the deer's fighting zombies.
35:28
That deer is fighting zombies. Yeah, don't.
35:31
Don't, don't, don't, don't touch it.
35:33
See you're. Going to relay this message to
35:36
anyone. Are you just going to you're
35:37
going to going to watch this? Do you see anything?
35:41
I'm trying to think real quick. Let me take a second.
35:44
Let me take a second to think about this.
35:47
How do I want to approach this? All right, so this zombie under
35:53
me is dead, right? I don't have to worry about this
35:55
one. Yeah, that one's dead.
35:56
Keep going. I I will phone in with y'all.
36:01
All right, do it. And be that hey man, there seems
36:07
to be a crazy ass deer out here beating up zombies.
36:11
Should we be worried about that over?
36:15
Nah, yeah. No, don't, don't, don't touch
36:17
the deer. That is not a deer.
36:20
I radio back what does the deer look like?
36:23
Is it Bambi? No kind of like like post
36:29
pubescent Bambi but dead. Oh, so like it's dead?
36:35
And. His mom.
36:38
And his mom and his mom. You do assume fuck.
36:41
They all did. Yeah, don't, don't touch that
36:46
deer. To elaborate that for you just a
36:49
little bit better. He's got the antlers.
36:52
The deer seems off, right? Its legs are too long.
36:55
Its joints bend at angles that don't look natural.
36:58
The chest is wide. It heaves slowly even though
37:01
it's in the middle of battle. Oh.
37:03
You didn't tell me all that Like it's totally like a weird
37:05
looking fucking zombie. That's what I'm telling you.
37:08
That's what I'm telling you. It's eyes.
37:11
The biggest thing you notice about it, and you can relay this
37:13
to us, is that its eyes aren't on the side of its head.
37:16
It's on the front of the deer's head.
37:19
It's what you call a not deer children.
37:21
Yeah. It is indeed a not dear Nido.
37:26
Oh fuck. Hey, hey everybody, I'm going to
37:30
go ahead and add this. This motherfucker ain't no deer
37:38
demon shit all around, broken necks and limbs, weird eyes,
37:44
kind of like, you know, weird vibes.
37:46
Not not feeling it. So take that amongst your cells.
37:52
I come over the radio run. I stick my head out the window.
37:58
Get in here. The sawdust will keep us safe.
38:03
This is the sawdust. Is it big enough for both of
38:06
you? I'm going to be like, did you
38:08
just say the sawdust? I did.
38:12
Let's go. I'm whispering as I say this
38:18
night out. You feel something at the
38:21
doorway behind you. Do you turn around or do you
38:25
stay where you are? Oh shit.
38:28
There's 2 doors. And a window.
38:31
Oh no, I'm facing, I'm facing inwards.
38:32
Nope, it's it's a door behind you and.
38:35
A window. There's there's three windows, a
38:37
chimney in the door. Make a.
38:39
Decision. Oh no, yeah, I I slowly turn
38:46
around to see out of my peripherals.
38:48
Oh, that's a mistake. Oh fuck.
38:51
Too late. Waste have a turn, waste it out.
38:54
You turn around and you just see another knot.
38:57
Deer so tall that it's broken neck has to break even more for
39:02
it to turn its head upside down to look into the cabin that
39:06
you're in. Oh, that's.
39:07
Weird. And as it looks at you, it
39:09
snorts, and you see the steam from its body to shoot out its
39:12
nose like it's a bull stares at you, unmoving.
39:18
Yeah. Oh shit.
39:20
I'm not actually not all of a sudden cool with this whole
39:23
scenario. Yeah, I know.
39:25
I don't like this at all. Go back to the zombies, please.
39:29
Yeah. It's the zombies that are
39:32
ignoring you all starting rocks at them like what the fuck is
39:35
going on? As this is going on hazy you
39:38
you. It's a bit far for you to see
39:40
because it's still dark out, but you see the zombie that was
39:43
fighting the deer just collapses.
39:45
I remember the days of having night vision.
39:48
No, go ahead. Yeah, you didn't have it very
39:49
long. Yeah.
39:53
So can it get into the house or no?
39:55
Oh it can. It just hasn't yet.
39:58
Oh fuck. Luckily for you, that thing
40:00
rolled in initiative the same as Hazy's.
40:05
Is it? Is it my turn?
40:07
It is not your turn, but you see.
40:09
Oh shit motherfucker, I see another one.
40:13
You see another one rounding the building to the West of you.
40:19
Now it's about time. And you also here to the
40:24
northeast, you see the you can see the one zombie that's still
40:26
guarding the building, but the zombie is starting to turn
40:29
towards the east as well, like something else is over there.
40:34
Now it's your turn, Hazy. OK, I want to jump through the
40:36
window into your lap. Rolls advantage because it's
40:41
already knocked out and I got my hands out ready to grab you,
40:43
baby girl. Let's do it.
40:47
Get in, get in, get in. There's no way it's OK.
40:53
So OK, what is my advantage plus the advantage?
41:00
So when so disadvantage, you roll tight twice and you take.
41:04
Yeah, I got that one. I.
41:06
Got that advantage. Night out is when you roll twice
41:08
and you take the higher one and it should be strength for
41:10
athletics. And then I got plus whatever for
41:15
advantage. The the advantage is you take
41:18
the higher number that you roll. Oh motherfucker, it's it's a 13.
41:24
Oh no, girl, you're good. You, you hop in here, Daddy
41:28
Coyote just snatches your hand. And I, I put you in the sawdust.
41:31
I pull out some uncrustables out of my bag and I start feeding to
41:34
you. I pull a flask out with a little
41:35
bit of milk that's like it's kind of warm because it was kept
41:38
in my chest pocket. And I pour you a cup and I'm
41:40
like, there you go. And I start rubbing your head.
41:42
I'm like calm down bud. It's OK.
41:44
It's OK, Daddy's here. You know what?
41:48
You're boring these. Enjoy the soul circle.
41:51
As I do that, I pull out a flare.
41:53
I put a flare in both my hands and I'm like, I'm fucking ready.
41:56
I'm going to burn out their fucking eyes.
42:00
They hurt my baby Angel. I don't fucking like, not deers
42:03
I'll take, I'll take zombies all day.
42:04
Not deers, not Deers, not. Cool.
42:08
No, no, no. I'm terrified my shit myself.
42:13
OK, night out, it's your turn. I'm not even worried about deer
42:17
but these motherfucking deers instantly when you described
42:20
them I was like if I saw that shit in person.
42:26
Out. Yeah, if they're true night
42:30
deers then they're fast as fuck. Oh yeah, these guys are fine and
42:34
they're just walking right now. They're assessing the situation.
42:38
They're all scoping us out. They heard the calling of the
42:42
coffin. Oh no.
42:45
Fucking white boys. Or what was it?
42:48
White, White power. What was it?
42:50
No, it's not sure isn't I'm. Just fine.
42:54
What was it, White? The white, oh, the white thing.
42:58
White thing. There we go.
42:59
It's. Not the white thing's fault,
43:01
baby. Run it through the fucking
43:02
flashback that knocked it down into the ground.
43:05
That dirty Dick bitch. Dirty Dick.
43:08
Motherfucker, he's the reason why all this is happening right
43:12
now. God damn it.
43:12
He's not even here to deal with the zombies.
43:15
I know. Luckily for you, night out, you
43:18
get a turn to do something to this deer before something
43:20
happens. Make it count.
43:23
Oh fuck yeah. No pressure, no amies.
43:26
No Amies. No Amies.
43:28
It's quite a bit of pressure actually.
43:30
Yeah, there's a lot of pressure because.
43:32
And a lot of and a lot of Amies. Well, so they're just assessing
43:35
right now. So they're not actually going,
43:37
but. Until they already know.
43:39
Until they don't. They are in the initiative
43:43
rotation and they are fighting the zombies currently.
43:47
Yeah. And that one's not going for
43:49
zombies. That one walked up to the room
43:50
you're in. But I mean, apparently there's a
43:53
couple of them that are staring at y'all.
43:55
So there's something in this room that he wants, hopefully
43:59
not me. Yep, Yep, that would that would
44:04
that would be an accurate assessment of your situation.
44:09
Investigation. Yeah, investigation check.
44:13
All right, give me AD 20 roll with your investigation, which
44:18
is intelligence. Which I probably haven't done.
44:22
Yep. 0 Yep. Absolutely 0.
44:25
I'm dumb dumb. We keeps it real.
44:28
Around here, Yeah. Oh, wait.
44:30
How close are you guys to me? So each of those squares is 5
44:34
feet. He's 10 feet away from you.
44:36
You guys. 20 Well, we're about what, 2030 feet, but in a
44:40
different building? Yeah, about 20 feet.
44:43
We have radio 20 feet. We can hear you squeal if you
44:45
squeal. Yeah, fo SHO.
44:51
I was wondering because I just looked at the sheet and it says
44:53
new guys supervision +2 to any role as long as an ally is
44:57
within 20 feet. Correct.
44:59
So are you within 20 feet or no? I would say, I would say we are
45:03
in 20 feet. I think we have to be watching
45:05
you. It doesn't say that. +2 to any
45:09
role at long, as long as an ally's within 20 feet to make
45:12
sure he's not Oh no, we're within 20 feet.
45:14
Yeah, I say. Not in visual contact, yeah.
45:18
We're monitoring via radio. So I got 15 then if that's the
45:24
case. For investigation.
45:26
Yeah. All right, give me AD 10 roll.
45:30
But you can't take 10, you can't take two.
45:32
You have to roll again. Fuck 8.
45:37
OK, you roll 8. Hold on.
45:41
Oh no, I'm scared. It's probably a good.
45:45
Thing though, holy fuck. Yeah, that's.
45:48
Fine. No, God damn it, yeah.
45:50
That's probably a good thing. You're you're so you're going to
45:53
investigate right, But you are still kind of kerfuffle because
45:56
you and I both take kind of a negative to the not deers.
45:59
It's something we don't like. But as you're backing away to
46:03
the northwest from the knot deer, super slow, you trip and
46:06
you fall and your hand hits something in the fireplace.
46:10
It's a long resin coated torch that burns with a hot orange
46:14
flame. That's where the light from the
46:17
Lantern had been lit. And when you pick it up, you
46:19
feel something magical. And when you pick that up, the
46:24
knot deer for a second takes a step back 5 feet and you kind of
46:31
hold the torch up in front of you.
46:33
Oh, it's on, bitch. You found a lit torch under a
46:37
bed. No, the fireplace.
46:40
Oh, OK. I see.
46:42
I see what you're saying. Oh, so the night deer is afraid
46:44
of this? Yeah, I'm definitely holding on
46:46
this. But you see that the torch is
46:49
about halfway burnout. Buck.
46:54
Of course. It is also known as the Fire
46:57
Hardened Logging torch. Oh wait, you said the Lantern
47:01
was lit by it, right? There's there's a Lantern in
47:03
there but the not deer didn't get the fuck about that.
47:06
Oh, OK, yeah, I'm definitely keeping that.
47:10
Why do I feel, why do I feel like we need to talk to these
47:13
zombies about refilling this torch do?
47:17
You think the zombies filled the torches?
47:20
I mean the way you just described it, the whatever the
47:23
fuck logging torch. It's a logging town.
47:27
There's logs. And there's zombies, and they're
47:30
the, they're the people that live here.
47:33
So I mean live is a strong word for zombies.
47:38
Anyways, as that happens night out year turns over.
47:42
The zombie that's guarding the stairs isn't moving but it's
47:46
watching the not deer to the east.
47:48
The other zombie that was that, you know, you ball tapped Hazy.
47:53
It's heading towards the knot deer, but that knot deer is on
47:55
him. He is there.
47:57
No. Oh, what?
47:59
Don't let me see it. I'm going to attack that.
48:02
That's my friend. Suddenly I'm on the zombie side.
48:06
I'm going to attack that deer. We have a bond.
48:10
I'm going to attack that fucking deer bro.
48:13
All right, so then the the knot deer that's over here goes by.
48:17
Wait, did he just kill him? No, they're, they're in combat
48:21
right now. The not deer that's over by the
48:24
lodge starts walking towards that zombie that's guarding it,
48:27
but it stops and it looks at the well and as it's looking at the
48:30
well, hold on. Fucking mermaid, I told you.
48:34
Fucking director everywhere. They're following you.
48:40
So it when it walks by the well it gets distracted by it and
48:43
then those vines that shot up earlier that tried to grab your
48:45
arm jump up and they grab the not deer's face and it starts
48:49
breaking its neck trying to pull it in.
48:51
Hell yeah. And it actually snaps the not
48:54
deer's head off and pulls it into the well, and the not
48:58
deer's body just collapses. Oh, so we got to decapitate him?
49:04
Sucks for that guy and. That that zombie turns back S
49:08
watching the other ones and the one zombie that was super for
49:12
South that hazy hit with his gun and did nothing.
49:14
He moves up 10 feet and now it's my turn.
49:21
I got 2 flares in my hand. Oh wait, so the zombie I was
49:23
fucking with is not the one that the deer jumped off?
49:27
No that so there was 2 zombies. There was.
49:28
That was the one. Yeah, that was the one next to
49:30
the house. No, I got you.
49:31
I got you. I had to Scroll down.
49:33
I had to scroll. Yeah, the one that's fighting is
49:34
the one bought all tapped. Now I got you.
49:37
All right. Oh, sorry.
49:38
And then this, not deer. Actually, before it's my turn,
49:42
it makes its way up here and it sticks its head through the
49:45
window just to see what's going on here.
49:48
And I'm going to roll to shove this flare, see if I could like
49:52
this thing and put it in its face.
49:54
Big money, no wammies. Big money, no wammies.
49:56
Anybody want to wish me luck? Good luck.
49:59
Fuck no, almost smacking on the ass.
50:02
Good game. Roll AD 20 for A to help me out
50:07
here for inspiration. For inspiration.
50:10
Yeah, you slapped me on the ass. Hey dude, not 20.
50:13
I'm not even going to lie to you.
50:15
Joe. You actually slapped me so hard.
50:19
I was I was holding the flares up to my nipples, making a joke
50:22
like look how long my nipples are.
50:24
And when you when you hit me, I actually struck them both
50:26
against my chest and little both and I shoved and I fall and
50:30
shoved them into the not deers eyes just burning out.
50:33
And it just lets out this curdling noise of and the thing
50:42
catches on fire and starts just running E while on fire in two
50:46
flares sticking out of its head. And I'm like, holy shit, did you
50:51
see that? That was metal.
50:54
That was fucking sick, brother. So fucking metal.
51:00
Easy. It's still your turn.
51:01
You were just helping me on my turn.
51:03
Fuck yeah, I'm going to waste my whole turn giving you a very
51:07
good game, Pat. Kiss him in the mouth?
51:11
What? That calls for a high 5 buddy we
51:18
get we. Get a sticky high 5.
51:23
A very. Moist.
51:25
All right. Somebody needs a moist tell it.
51:28
But no, either way, all right, no, don't you?
51:30
I'll just is that is that window to my north?
51:36
There is a window to your north. Is it intact?
51:42
Is it broken? It is currently.
51:45
You might want to look through it first.
51:48
No, that's not how we we roll. Did you not remember the con
51:52
Xbox? That's not how he does.
51:54
Find out what's on the other side when I go through it.
51:57
Yeah, I don't think we want to. Do you want to jump through it,
52:00
or do you want to use your climber's keeper to pull you
52:03
through it? Because you get a + 2 and you
52:04
use it no. I'm I'm not impressed with that
52:07
little pussy fucking Toys-R-Us. So if if you use the climber.
52:13
'S keep. Oh my God.
52:14
You get a + 3 because you're Dexterity, and a + 2 to using it
52:17
on whatever you roll. I'm going to grapple.
52:19
I'm going to grapple. So that building to the
52:22
northeast through the window, it has to go through the window
52:25
though. Oh my cheat.
52:26
OK. So that's going to require a
52:28
higher roll. So you go northeast to the
52:30
window and. I must see that building to the
52:34
OK. You don't see the massive as
52:36
animals sit in front. Kind of.
52:38
I mean, remember all these, All these windows are dirty.
52:42
Did I fucking breathe on it and wipe it down?
52:45
So you might want to wipe it off to make sure you're nowhere
52:48
you're in the whole time, which would turn.
52:51
To give it the whole spin, just. Fire the fucking weapon, God
52:54
damn it, shoot it. I want to fucking just wait,
52:59
eject those seat cursed through the fucking window.
53:01
But you're not. You're not.
53:02
Going at disadvantage? Fire that thing.
53:04
Add your three for decks, add your two for using it and see
53:07
what happens. 3 for decks, 2 for using it.
53:10
Let's. Go SO plus 5 total.
53:13
Dude, I'm I'm not even going to take that one.
53:15
I'll say, what do you? Mean you're not going to take
53:18
that one. It was a, it was a not 20.
53:20
I'll take a a 18. What do you mean fuck no, it's a
53:23
net. Like what?
53:24
I'm not trying to. Dirty, dirty 25.
53:27
Fuck that thing. You go to fire, you shoot that
53:32
thing, it hooks to the very top. You pop out the window, you
53:34
don't go to the top of it. You actually Tarz, you Georgia,
53:38
the jungle, this thing? Are you just here?
53:41
Watch out for that. Deer.
53:43
You hit this deer kicking the knot deer.
53:47
You hit the knot deer inside and night out as a reflex holds the
53:51
torch up and then just burns the the deer in his face and the
53:55
deer just catches on fire and but burns to ash immediately
53:58
just and it's just a smoldering pile on the floor.
54:03
Fuck yeah. Oh, thank you, Jesus.
54:05
My friends call me Hazy and you know, not a problem.
54:09
I'm so fucking scared right now. So it looks like fire kills
54:13
these things. Looks like it.
54:16
We found that out pretty fucking easy.
54:17
That's that's dope. So what are these other zombies
54:20
doing? Are they just like, oh, Dollar's
54:22
just taking care of the problem? Well, the one zombie that's in
54:26
front of the lodge is just standing there like he's
54:27
guarding it. So we'll just let him do his
54:30
thing then? Well, whose whose turn is it?
54:33
That was yours. Oh, it's it's I don't know.
54:37
It would have been that things, but it's dead, this zombie.
54:41
DED. Dead now.
54:44
Now it's your turn. Is that little building next to
54:47
the big one connected to it? So what the the building to the
54:52
West directly at me? Is that one connected to it?
54:55
To the West, that's a Conex box. You mean E?
54:59
I'm sorry, EE. Yeah.
55:01
This little one that's not connected?
55:03
Now that's a shitter. Oh.
55:06
Intriguing. If you say so.
55:11
Does this smell? Is it I'm I'm standing next to
55:15
where I should be able to smell it, right?
55:18
Actually, I'm going to say your initiative's not going right
55:21
now. Night out.
55:22
We're currently the three of us are out of combat, and as this
55:24
is happening, I come climbing out.
55:26
I. Was about to say I was about to
55:29
go over the radio just to let you know that hey, fire kills
55:32
these things, so that's nice. Oh dope.
55:35
So I go over to the window, I try to get climb out.
55:38
I get stuck. I'm like hey Z, help me.
55:41
I'll pull up my gun. Said it.
55:44
Do it. Do it.
55:46
Don't Jesus Christ let's. Go no, I wouldn't run over
55:51
there. Just hands hand out.
55:54
Help help me pull out. Thank you.
55:56
Grab my pocket gun. Night out?
55:58
Are you still inside or are you coming out?
56:01
I'm coming out. All right, you come out and as
56:03
you guys come out, we line up. We line up like the four guys
56:06
from Detroit Rock City. We're about to beat the shit out
56:09
of those Italian dudes on the side of the highway.
56:12
Oh what a great reference. That was good.
56:14
It was good. Thank you.
56:16
I fucking love that movie. And as we're just standing there
56:19
getting our weapons ready, that is the end of today's episode,
56:22
everyone. Son of a bitch.
56:25
Come show up next time, see what happens to the rest of these not
56:28
deers. One of them is still on fire I
56:29
think with flares in his face. Detroit rocks it in.
56:33
Get up. Oh, sorry.
56:37
But as this fades out, we get ready.
56:40
We hear more rustling behind us. I don't like that.
56:45
Anyways, everyone say goodbye. Bye.
56:53
Transmission lost. Team status unknown.