Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a First-Generation Professional
Transcript
- Lucas: So here's a scenario I've been thinking about. You're a first-generation professional — meaning your parents didn't go to college, or they worked in a completely different industry, and you're the first person in your family navigating a corporate or white-collar environment. No one in your immediate circle can tell you what a director title means, or how to negotiate a raise, or even what to wear to a client dinner. Luna: That's a really specific kind of isolation. And it's more common than people realize — something like 40 percent of college students are first-generation, but the stats on career outcomes are stark. They tend to earn less and advance more slowly. Lucas: Exactly. And a lot of advice about finding a mentor assumes you already have some kind of network — your parents' friends, your uncle who's a VP, your roommate's dad in finance. If you don't have that, the typical 'go to your alumni network' or 'ask your manager' can feel hollow. Luna: So what's the alternative? I imagine you have a case. Lucas: I do. Let me tell you about Maria. She's a mechanical engineer I met at a conference last year. She grew up in a rural town in New Mexico — both parents worked in hospitality. She got a scholarship to a state school, studied engineering, and landed a job at a major aerospace contractor. Great on paper, but within six months she felt completely lost. Luna: Lost how? Technical skills weren't the issue, I assume. Lucas: No, she was great technically. The problem was the unspoken rules. She didn't know how to read the room in meetings. She didn't realize that when her manager said 'let's circle back,' it meant 'I'm not interested.' She had no one to explain office politics. So she started looking for a mentor — but every article said 'find someone senior in your field.' She didn't know any senior people. Luna: And she couldn't just cold-email VPs. That's tough. Lucas: Right. So what she did instead was look for what I call 'accidental mentors.' These are people who aren't officially mentoring her, but from whom she learns through observation and casual interaction. For example, there was a peer on her cross-functional team — a guy named James from supply chain who had been at the company for three years and just intuitively knew how to frame a presentation. She started sitting next to him in meetings and paying attention to how he phrased things. Eventually, she asked him if he'd be willing to review a deck before she presented it. Luna: So it's mentorship by proximity, not by title. I like that. Lucas: Exactly. And it's lower stakes. She wasn't asking for a long-term commitment. She was saying, 'Hey, can you look at this one slide?' And because James was a peer, not a senior exec, he said yes. Over time, those small interactions built into something bigger. Luna: But eventually you do need someone with more experience, right? Someone who can actually advocate for you. Lucas: Absolutely. The next step for Maria was to build what I'd call a 'board of advisors' — not one mentor, but a handful of people she could go to for different things. She found a senior engineer, a woman named Diane, who was willing to do a thirty-minute informational interview. Maria prepared specific questions — not 'will you mentor me?' but 'how did you navigate your first year in this industry?' That's a much easier ask. Luna: And it gives the senior person a clear path to help. They don't feel trapped in an indefinite relationship. Lucas: Right. And Maria did this three times with different people. One gave her advice on technical certifications, another on networking, a third on work-life balance. She now has a board of about five people, none of whom would call themselves her mentor, but all of whom have influenced her career. And she's been promoted twice in four years. Luna: That's a great structure. But I wonder — for a first-gen professional, there's also the emotional component. The impostor syndrome can be intense when you don't see anyone like you in the room. Lucas: That's real. And it's one reason why finding even one person who shares your background — even if they're not in your field — can be powerful. Maria joined an employee resource group for first-generation professionals at her company. She found a woman there who worked in HR but had a similar upbringing. That woman became a sounding board for her, not on technical issues, but on things like 'should I apply for that stretch assignment?' Luna: So it's about diversifying your sources of support. Not expecting one mentor to cover everything. Lucas: Exactly. And I think the key insight for first-gen professionals is this: you don't need to find a mentor who has your whole career mapped out. You need people who can answer the specific question you have right now. That lowers the bar for both sides. Luna: It also changes the dynamic from 'please help me' to 'I respect your expertise.' Which is more reciprocal. Lucas: Right. And that brings me to something important. If you're a first-gen professional, you might feel like you have nothing to offer a senior person. But that's not true. You have a fresh perspective. You understand the customer in ways they might not. Maria, for example, was able to point out a flaw in a product design because she had actually used a similar product in her personal life. Her manager hadn't considered that. Luna: So it's a two-way street. The mentor gets insight into a different demographic or way of thinking. Lucas: Exactly. And when you frame it that way, the ask becomes more natural. You're not begging for help — you're offering a collaboration. 'I'd love to learn from your experience, and I think I can bring a different angle to your team.' Luna: That's a much more confident approach. And it works for any professional, but especially for someone who doesn't have family connections. Lucas: Right. And there's one more tactic I think is underused: using LinkedIn strategically. Not just connecting cold, but engaging with people's content. Comment thoughtfully on a post. Send a message that references something specific they said. Maria did that with a VP she admired — she commented on his article about supply chain challenges, and then followed up with a question. That led to a coffee chat. Luna: So it's about adding value before asking for it. That's a good principle. Lucas: Totally. And for first-gen professionals, the whole process can feel foreign. But the more you practice, the more natural it becomes. Like any skill. Luna: Speaking of skills, one thing I've noticed is that a lot of first-gen professionals don't know how to end a mentoring relationship gracefully. They either ghost or cling. What's the right way? Lucas: Great question. The best approach is to be upfront from the start. When you ask for that informational interview, say, 'I'd love thirty minutes of your time, and I promise to respect your schedule.' Then, after the meeting, send a thank-you note. If you want to stay in touch, offer to send an update in six months on how you applied their advice. That gives them a reason to stay connected without feeling obligated. Luna: And if you feel you've outgrown the relationship, send a final note saying, 'Thanks so much for your guidance — I've learned a lot and I hope to pay it forward.'