Latest / Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute / 48: From Toxic Masculinity to Authentic Masculinity

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48: From Toxic Masculinity to Authentic Masculinity · Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute

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Hey everybody, so I've got a question for you and I got a lot
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of hanging out with us today. We always have a good feedback
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when she's here. But let me kick us off with
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this. If I give you the word
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masculine, what comes to mind? So maybe you're happy with your
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masculine self. Maybe you never even thought
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about it before. Maybe the version that you have
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right now hasn't worked very well for you.
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So we're going to unpack what is masculinity.
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And Alana doesn't actually know what we're talking about today.
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So I didn't prep her for this, but I thought it would be really
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cool to see a part of this dialogue.
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And we work together, obviously, so much that it's always creates
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for a fun conversation. So anyway, just think about for
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a second for you when it comes to masculinity comes up for you
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and we'll get into it. Welcome to Beyond the Facade
0:47
podcast. I'm your host, Luke Gordon, and
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I'm thrilled to have you join me in this space today.
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What we're going to be doing is diving deep into the trials and
0:54
triumphs and truths of seeking authenticity.
0:57
Becoming your true self isn't about a single action or a
1:00
moment. It's a relentless pursuit, a
1:02
commitment to self that reveals a rich connection and meaning
1:06
that our life has to offer. So whether this is your first
1:08
time tuning in or you're a regular listener, know this.
1:11
What you're building here goes beyond a conversation.
1:14
You're here to challenge, to change, and to celebrate the
1:17
incredible journey of becoming your authentic self.
1:20
Because when you dare to show up fully, the rewards are
1:22
immeasurable. So welcome to Beyond the Facade.
1:25
Let's get started. A lot of thanks for coming back.
1:29
For having me. I'm excited that you're here and
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I love the conversations and dialogue we've had around
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masculinity and just in general. So let me let's start off with
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this in this place. So I feel like when it comes to
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masculinity, there's been this piece of and we'll pull it into
1:48
groups, which is I'll ask guys like, hey, what is it?
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What comes up for you when you think about masculine?
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And they'll kind of give me like a little bit of sideways look
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like, wait, why are we talking about this?
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Are we going through here? And we'll talk about what were
1:59
you taught about what is it to be a man?
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And they'll start saying things like, I don't know, like be
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tough, don't cry. And I like who taught you how to
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be a man? And what do they teach you about
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being a man? It's really around like tough.
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It's like pretty quickly turns into a conversation of feelings
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don't matter. And then we start to get in some
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really powerful things like what does it define to be a man, to
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be really masculine? The conversation turns into
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obviously it's a money thing, it's a sex thing.
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As far as who's attracted to me, what do people think about me?
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And I got to tell you those experiences totally aligned to
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me. I remember so much of my journey
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being about what other men look at me, what will they see and
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what they think that I have value based upon what I have.
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So along we're going to go a couple different directions of
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this, but the question I have for you is maybe what would
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partners say about masculinity? We know what men are talking
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about with the How do partners see masculinity?
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So yeah, Luke did not prep me for this, and we actually
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planned it this way. Is it's really fun to have these
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organic conversations, but whoa, like you just threw me to the
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wall. I know I did.
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I did. How would not?
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Oh, hi, Luke. No, this is good.
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This is such a good topic and there's a lot of heated feelings
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around this and my brain is going to be trade partners could
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go a lot of different directions.
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I can see them looking at masculinity playing into part of
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the reason why they have been hurt or why they're hurt.
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I can also see them desperately wanting a strong, masculine,
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confident husband or partner but not a toxic one.
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And so if I can just get on my little soapbox for a second and
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just talk about really quick the difference between masculinity
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and toxic masculinity, Because we hear a lot of this term of
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toxic masculinity. And a lot of times I see people
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make the mistake where they throw then that we're saying all
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masculinity is toxic, and that's not the case whatsoever.
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I use the analogy of what, a cheeseburger?
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I love to eat cheeseburgers and I like hamburgers.
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And you can put a lot of different things on my burger.
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I like burgers. I don't like cheeseburgers with
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rat poison. In fact, like rat poison.
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Hold on, hold the phone. You don't like cheeseburgers?
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The rat poison. I don't, no, I do not ever order
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rat poison on my burger. I'm not going to eat it.
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I'm not going to ingest it and so I I won't do that.
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It's toxic for me. And so am I saying all
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cheeseburgers are bad? Absolutely not.
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I love cheeseburgers, don't like cheeseburgers with poison or
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toxicity. And so when we say the term
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toxic masculinity, it means taking masculinity those parts
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that and embed is that the word I'm looking for encompass
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masculinity and it's added toxic components into it.
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And so you just listed off a ton where masculinity of my value
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and worth is only what I have to offer as a man, or that I have
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to have those other people's validation or this power
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indifference that I am more special or entitled because I'm
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a man. I can't feel feelings.
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All of those things would be those toxic parts.
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Can I highlight just a couple more there now that we're
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defining it? Yeah.
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OK, so let's just that part like emotional suppression, I can't
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feel I got to push that stuff down.
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I can't feel those raw feelings, especially in front of people.
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That aggression is strength, right?
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Though my aggressive side of me actually that means that strong
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ones that we'll get into. Is that like the how I see
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women, which is that objectification piece that they
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are, they're a tool and they're devaluation of it.
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Or that they're weak. Or that they can't do things
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without me. Or.
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Yeah, not capable without me. Like they they need me, right.
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They're not be OK without me. Yeah.
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And then there there was another one which we won't get too much
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into that that my status comes with.
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Might be able to control somebody.
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Like control has everything to do with how masculine I am.
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The more control I have, the more masculine I am.
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And I'll just tell you, when we do the SDMI, the sexual
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dependency inventory, you will see some of these patterns come
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up through that assessment and you'll see these ways that
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sexual addiction can play heavily into toxic masculinity
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and toxic masculinity can play heavily into sexual
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compulsivity. And so I think it's good to just
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slow down and define that. And as we talk about this, it's
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one of those topics that can really ruffle people's feathers
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because it can feel like for a man, it can feel like you're
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being attacked. And this is where I just want to
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start. This foundation of masculinity
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is a really beautiful thing, and so is femininity.
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And men and women have masculinity and femininity alike
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within them. Everybody has both.
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But to what levels and how that's used, that's individual.
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But we're talking about the parts that have become corrupt,
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the parts that have become toxic.
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And ideally, as you're on your healing journey, you can figure
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out how to take those toxic parts out so you can enjoy your
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cheeseburger and that your partner can enjoy those strong
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parts of you in its purity. Well, and I, there's something
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you made me think of, which is early on in the journey.
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And I've heard many men say this is like man.
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I think those women's groups are like man haters clubs.
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And I think what I've noticed is they start to become aware of
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what toxic masculinity is and they start to hate the toxic
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part of the masculinity. And do they be start to, and a
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lot of correct me if I'm wrong, but they start to notice and
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start to be able to call out the unhealthy versions of
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masculinity. And there's that those strong
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feelings towards it. So they don't hate the man as
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much as they do the the harmful underneath pieces of it.
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I don't know. What's your thoughts on that?
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It's interesting because in any groups I've ever done or been
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in, we don't really use it through this lens of
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masculinity. And so I don't know that they're
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like consciously pinpointing toxic masculinity.
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I think what they're pinpointing is unhealthy behaviors.
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And when you start recognizing patterns or behaviors that are
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problematic, then there's less tolerance for them.
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So if you've been eating in the cheeseburger and there's just
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these micro doses of rat poison and you know, you feel sick, but
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you really don't know why, Well, as soon as somebody points out,
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every one of those little white dots is micro doses of rat
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poison, you're not going to eat the rat poison.
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You're going to be like, no, I'm done.
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And so that's what I see is I see the more that individuals
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become aware, and I'll say women betrayed partners become aware
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of these patterns and these toxic parts, the less willing
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they are to consume them. Yeah.
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OK. I got a question for you, unless
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you had any other thoughts on that.
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So the question I have for you, if you think about reflecting on
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the men that you've observed in recovery, the men that you work
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with, how do you notice that toxic masculine it has affected
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them? Like how does it affect them?
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How's it impacted them and the people that they love?
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That's a good question. I think it hurts everybody.
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I think it hurts the men and the people they love equally because
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what it does is it builds barriers instead of bridges.
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And so it it creates his power and differences.
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It creates false narratives for men.
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It doesn't allow them to have that deeper level of intimacy
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that they want. And so they can go looking for
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it in all the wrong places. And so, yeah, I definitely see
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that it hurts both. And then when it comes to the
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feeling, the feelings or lack thereof, and that the only
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feeling that you're allowed to feel is anger, you can't be a
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whole person with that. And so with that deep
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suppression of all those emotions, that has to come out
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somewhere and somehow. So that's where it comes out
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sideways or comes out through a depression or addiction or some
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other way that it comes out. And so that's hurting you, and
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it's hurting the people you love.
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What do you have you notice it shows up in relationships?
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Relationships, I would say the barriers that you can't have
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that deeper level of connection and intimacy, the
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objectification. And I see objectification
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happen. Sometimes we think of
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objectification only that happens of somebody like out in
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the world scanning, but I see that happen between partners
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too. You can have objectification
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happen anywhere. When you're seeing somebody as
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an object instead of the whole who they are, something to be
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used, someone there just to take care of you or benefit you in
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some way. You can't have close connected
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relationships. And that leaves that hole.
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It leaves that wholeness. Then we try to then go look and
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figure out a way to fill it. Yeah, and I just think about
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that watching, watching somebody feel like that there is a role
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that somebody is supposed to play in that relationship.
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And if they don't play that role, that's not OK and that's
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not fair. That's not right.
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And that has a lot to do with toxic masculinity.
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Is that role based? You're here to do this job and
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if you're not, that's there a level of entitlement around
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that. Well, and I feel like we could
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do a whole episode on just entitlement, but entitlement
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does stem out of that toxic masculinity.
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Entitlement can actually stem out of a lot of places, but
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specifically toxic masculinity can breed that entitlement.
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And entitlement is so poisonous to the individual and it's
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poisonous to relationships and you're left always feeling
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unfulfilled. Yeah, we're going to take a
12:38
quick break for a moment. I want to let you know of some
12:40
things that we have coming up with Choose Recovery Services.
12:44
I'm very excited to tell you about the unmasked intensive we
12:48
have coming up in May. It's May 13th through the 16th
12:50
in Spanish Fork, UT. The name of the intensive is
12:54
unmasked past to authentic masculinity.
12:57
Let me tell you some of the things we're going to
12:59
accomplish. We're going to explore some root
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causes like at the end of the day, what's underneath this
13:03
behavior? What's the why behind it?
13:06
What's the insights into understanding why my behavior
13:10
existed, the one that kept me in secrecy and hiding.
13:12
We're going to embrace vulnerability so we're confront
13:15
a lot of the struggles of that non judge mental space so you
13:20
can foster more often to connections with the people that
13:23
you love. We're going to realign with your
13:25
values, we're going to learn new coping strategies, and we're
13:28
going to afford some authentic connection.
13:31
We're going to build a lot of camaraderie to hear that
13:32
happens. I wanted to share with you what
13:35
previous participants have said about this transformation.
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So here's what one guy said. I'm just going to read it to
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you. I love the connection with those
13:43
around me. It was eye opening to learn how
13:45
to open up and show love for myself and be OK with what's
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going on inside of me, no matter how hard or ugly I may see it.
13:55
I specifically remember this man saying this and just being
13:59
astounded by like wow from around people that really open
14:02
up. What can I explore and learn
14:03
about myself is intensive. He found it be really eye
14:06
opening. So anyway, For more information
14:09
and reserve your spot, go ahead and visit our website and we'll
14:12
provide some information for you and then take the time to invest
14:16
in yourself so you can start to lean in in a more authentic way
14:21
in your life. Looking forward to seeing you
14:22
there. Let's get back to our episode.
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OK, so if we think about the key traits of toxic masculinity
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being like emotional suppression, aggression, showing
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strength, control those pieces, what does that healthier version
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look like? So what do you notice, Alana,
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with men making that transition? What's that awkward?
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I think it like teenager years if my strength doesn't come from
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here, for me being like in charge and control, emotionally
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suppressed, like the evolution of something different into a
14:57
new form of strength. What do you notice that
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transition looking like? Well, for those who are watching
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on YouTube, they're probably watching some of my facial
15:04
expressions. I, I see a pendulum swing is
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what I typically see. And so for someone who's really
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trying to curb this behavior, I see them going from one side and
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then swinging really far to the other side where they almost
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become a doormat. And it's a lack of self and just
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tell me what to be. I'll do whatever you want.
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No thought, no opinion. It's a what's helped raise term
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the floating St. Yeah, the floating St.
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So good. Will you explain that really
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quick? Yeah, yeah.
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Let me see if I can get it to you really quick.
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Just she talks about how you go from that pendulum swinging to,
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OK, I'm going to be whoever somebody else wants me to be.
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And I'm going to come across as just giving other people what
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they want. But it's still that need for
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acceptance. It's still that need to be to
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for somebody to be seen by the world and by my partner.
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But there's no integrity in that.
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There's no character in that. There's no foundation in that.
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So they just float to be float away to be whoever somebody else
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want them to be. Yeah, it's still a form.
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It's still not authentic, it's still not real, but I do.
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I see that pendulum swinging and then I can see that kind of
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swinging back and forth as they try to figure out what's
16:23
healthy. And hopefully you get to this
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nice mental ground where you are being able to have a backbone
16:31
and stand on your own 2 feet and live in your values, but do it
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in a way that's not toxic. It's not trampoline on other
16:39
people. And so it makes me think of on
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the road to recovery, we talked about that.
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There's 4 main components that men really need to learn how to
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do to create safety and help their relationship heal.
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And I would say even help their relationship heal with
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themselves. Even for yeah, even for these
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guys who aren't actively in a relationship, this still needs
17:06
to happen internally, which is oh, shoot, let's see if I can
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remember Humility. OK, Humility, vulnerability.
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What's it called? It starts with AT.
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Transparency. Transparency.
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What's the other one? Empathy.
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Oh course, empathy, right. And so you look at those four
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things and those four things require you to be aligned with
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yourself and be a value based. And those things are not
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components of toxic masculinity. You have to step out of that to
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step into those. OK, And it's funny because in my
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notes that you weren't prepared for, because you weren't ready
17:49
to talk about us today, I've been like, OK, let's go to
17:51
vulnerability because I was like, what's the what's a Gimme?
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I'm thinking of a quality or a marker that exists that
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demonstrates healthy masculinity.
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And that's that vulnerable part. You know, it's true act that
18:03
strength is the willingness of vulnerability to somebody, the
18:07
fact that they trust themselves enough and that they don't need
18:11
somebody else to give them the power to be able to be seen by
18:14
other people and be able to be seen seeing other people.
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So I wrote down vulnerabilities, so I'm glad you're bringing that
18:20
back up. Well, and vulnerability over
18:24
time, I'll just speak for me. I was taught to be vulnerable
18:29
was to be weak and even like in that I remember having a session
18:33
with a client and he's like Alana, it is.
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Think about it. You're literally making yourself
18:39
vulnerable where people could hurt you.
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There's a weakness in that. He's like, imagine the
18:45
battlefield. If I took off all my armor and
18:48
I'm vulnerable, then I'm going to get caught up.
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So therefore vulnerability is weakness.
18:56
And that's it. So if you view your partner as
18:59
the enemy, that makes a lot of sense why you perceive it that
19:02
way, right? Or the world.
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Or the world as these people that are out here to get me,
19:08
right? Because the world is the enemy.
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Because it makes sense if you have a military mindset, right?
19:12
Which that kind of is the case if you're in secrecy and hiding,
19:16
the world is out to get me right?
19:18
So it makes sense. The vulnerability is.
19:19
But when you think about intimacy, when you think about
19:22
closeness, you have to kind of bring your walls down.
19:25
You have to be seen in order to be intimately close to somebody.
19:30
Sorry that I think that was a soapbox inside there somewhere.
19:32
No, that this and this is a type of conversation why we didn't
19:37
plan it because I love this back and forth.
19:39
This is when Luke and I go walking on the trail and we have
19:42
conversations that usually start with I don't even know where we
19:47
start a random thing and then we get on this.
19:50
More like it'd be cool if we could record this because
19:53
there's cool concepts in here. That's funny.
19:56
I am Tooting our own horns. You guys would all want to
20:00
listen to this if you hear this. Yeah, no, totally.
20:03
No, but I would want to have heard this.
20:06
I would want to hear of what does it look like.
20:09
Because the reality is I wanted to be in a relationship with a
20:15
strong man. I wanted to be in a relationship
20:19
with a masculine man who knows his values and knows what he
20:24
believes and can stand in them. But I didn't want somebody
20:28
screaming and yelling at me. I didn't want a strength that
20:31
was trampling me or other people, or that strength that
20:35
was using to harm. I wanted that strength used when
20:40
it was needed and when it was appropriate and healthy ways.
20:44
And one of the strongest things that I saw happen was those
20:50
times where I see people take down their walls and let
20:54
themselves feel and let themselves be real.
20:59
There's such a strength in that. So going back to the how I saw
21:02
vulnerability, I had it totally backwards.
21:05
Yeah. And I just picture like men
21:09
going, you saying I wanted to, I want a masculine, healthy man
21:13
and a picture of guys going out there like, I don't know.
21:16
I think she wants like a doormat, somebody that she can
21:18
just tell what to do and just somebody that like just can
21:22
admit they got it wrong, that they're met, they got messed up
21:26
thinking. So I can hear that part in the
21:28
mind about does this apply to me right now?
21:32
Well. Think about that.
21:34
Like it. Yeah.
21:36
Would AB trade partner want somebody who's accountable, who
21:40
owns their stuff? Absolutely.
21:43
Does that make them a doormat that they're accountable to
21:45
their choices? No.
21:47
You think about like your teenager, right?
21:50
If you're a teenager, I don't know, stills the car in the
21:53
middle of the night and then you catch them and they're crying
21:58
and they feel bad like you, you kind of go, yeah, that's natural
22:02
consequences. But if they go to this place of,
22:05
oh, I'm such a piece of crap and I can never do this and I
22:09
shouldn't even be able to live, and I and they go to this big
22:12
pity party. As a parent, you're not sitting
22:15
there like, oh, good. I'm glad they're having a pity
22:17
party. What you would hope for is you
22:20
would hope that they would go, man, I should not have done
22:24
that. Wow, what did I do to get myself
22:28
into the place that I justified that that was OK?
22:31
OK, what do I need to do moving forward?
22:34
Right. So that's not one is a doormat
22:37
and one is not. And while they can sound or look
22:41
the same initially, they're actually really different
22:44
energies behind it. And partners do not want
22:48
doormats. They may think they want that
22:51
initially when they're just like, I need to see empathy, I
22:56
need to see remorse, I need to see that you actually understand
22:59
that you hurt me. But long term, they're not
23:02
looking for a puppy dog to follow them around and being a
23:07
victim mindset. And what was me?
23:09
I think there's just a little bit and no longer to see what
23:13
you think is. I think there's just a lot of
23:15
shift, a rebalance of power. And I say a balance of power
23:20
when it comes to the what feels like a doormat, which is a
23:22
partner going like, wait, hold on.
23:24
Even in hiding, in secrecy, I haven't been able to make a
23:27
choice. You took my power away from me.
23:30
There's that. There's that reshift.
23:32
So it can feel like there's an imbalance there, but it's just a
23:34
rebalance. Not an imbalance, It's a
23:36
rebalance. Yeah.
23:39
OK. So did you have a thought on
23:41
that? I was just going to say just,
23:44
yeah, a rebalancing back to a healthy state, but it will feel
23:48
like they're losing power. It will feel like that they are
23:53
now disempowered. And you're right, it is a
23:56
rebalancing. Rebalance of power.
23:59
So if if I've been in a place of secrecy and hiding when I
24:03
haven't been sharing everything with my partner and not even
24:05
yesterday, just in the past in general, and they're not healing
24:08
from that yet, it's going to feel like if that power has
24:12
balanced back out, it'll feel like I don't have power.
24:15
It's just because it's shifted back to a place of balance, but
24:19
it'll feel like powerless and it's not true.
24:22
So this vulnerability piece just kind of highlight.
24:26
So it's a toxic, toxic masculinity is to go back to a
24:29
once again, if it's emotional suppression, like I don't know
24:32
how to share. I push my emotions down.
24:34
I don't feel like they have value anymore.
24:36
I recognize them if there's a recognition of strength through
24:40
aggression, like dominance, and it's just not necessarily like
24:44
you're an angry person, but really just more of a
24:49
devaluation of partner and not having her have the balance in
24:53
that relationship. But there's also control aspect.
24:56
What does it look like to get back to a healthy level of
24:59
masculinity if those have been in your past?
25:01
And vulnerability is that piece that can really pull us through
25:05
to a healthier version of masculinity.
25:08
But a lot of men are like, OK, how do I do that?
25:10
What does that look like? How do I get to a how do I get
25:13
to a place of vulnerability? Because I feel like I'm sucking
25:15
at it and I'm being told that I suck at it.
25:18
So that is the shedding of the mask.
25:21
That is the I'm going to stop trying to people, please.
25:26
And I'm going to allow people to see me.
25:30
And I'm going to start to notice what's inside of me that I don't
25:35
want other people to see. So if the world feels like that,
25:38
like I can't, especially with your partner feels like she
25:43
can't handle the truth or she can't take parts of me or she's
25:47
not going to accept me. If it's a world in general, that
25:49
means it's going to lean through vulnerability to take that mask
25:52
off. And I just want to talk about
25:54
what that process is like. Alan, do you have any thoughts
25:56
on? That, well, you're just making
25:57
me think about how I don't know when you'll release this
26:00
episode, but in May when we have the intensive, the unmasked
26:06
intensive, we literally spent hours and hours and hours of
26:10
going in how to do this. And if you can come to the
26:14
intensive, awesome. But if you can't, this does need
26:18
to be a focus with your therapist of figuring out what
26:23
masks you are wearing and learning how to take them off
26:26
and to step into that authenticity and that
26:28
vulnerability. Because that truly is where
26:30
freedom lies. When we are being inauthentic,
26:35
when we are still in hiding, the toll that takes on our mental
26:39
health, our physical health, all of our relationships, like it
26:43
just spreads out like tar over everything.
26:47
Yeah, a lot of that's actually where I was going with this,
26:50
which is that's a lot of work. We talked about the journey
26:53
being years of healing at different phases and different
26:57
levels. And we created this Alana and I
27:00
created this unmasked intensive to give about four to eight
27:04
months of work done in a four day period.
27:08
So my invitation for here, for men that haven't had that
27:12
experience, the unmasking experience and what we do is we
27:16
explore the origins of that mask.
27:18
How did it get there? Why is it there?
27:21
And what do I do to shed it and what will it feel like if I shed
27:24
it? Because so many men are going
27:27
through like feeling so unsuccessful in their
27:30
relationships, navigating that at the source, like going like,
27:33
I don't know if I'm doing it the right way.
27:35
And so we're just going to practice a lot.
27:37
We're going to practice the what it likes, like to have the mask
27:40
off and where did the mask come from and learning the value, the
27:43
pain associated with it. So give you a very direct
27:47
invitation. Watches.
27:48
Don't just sit in a group or in a therapy session for years.
27:52
Recognize that some of this healing is going to happen
27:56
through interactions and face to face experience and the healing
28:00
so. Well, and it can happen faster
28:03
than we give ourselves credit for and nothing about it, it's
28:06
fast. So I hate using the word faster.
28:08
But I think about our intensive program has been really
28:13
deliberate in what we do. And I think about with men
28:17
specifically, if they come in and they do a mask which looks
28:22
at some family of origin and removing the mask.
28:25
And then they go into parts work and really like diving in and
28:29
getting to know your individual parts that are showing up,
28:32
trying to take over and how to heal those parts.
28:35
Then you move into the the men's helper heal because now you've
28:40
learned where it all started and how to remove the masks.
28:43
Then you learn how to tend to your parts, especially when your
28:46
parts get activated and triggered.
28:49
Then you know how to show up and hold her stuff and when her
28:53
stuff activates her parts, you know how to tend to them.
28:56
And so each one builds on the next.
29:00
And I know and actually hopefully it's OK to say that's
29:03
right here, Luke, because I'm so excited about it because we just
29:07
released this on our podcast. But with each of those pieces in
29:14
our intensive program, not everybody gets to can afford
29:18
intensives. Like I know that I understand
29:20
that if you can make this investment, which for each one
29:25
of these, as you go through the amount it's going to save you in
29:29
therapy later, just even like therapeutic hours, the amount
29:33
it's going to save you if you ever have to heaven forbid, go
29:36
through divorce, all of the savings there.
29:39
But for those of you where it's absolutely not possible, Choose
29:43
Recovery Services is going to, with our intensives offer every
29:48
intensive 1 lottery spot where people can do a scholarship.
29:54
So those of you who need the help and don't know how to get
29:57
it elsewhere, that there's still opportunities for you to get the
30:00
help because it's a way we want to get back to the community.
30:04
And I'm just so excited about that.
30:07
But see, this is where it is my soapbox because I'm so
30:12
passionate about intensives, because I have watched life's
30:15
change in those days and people go home and be able to start
30:19
doing things differently. Yeah, you sit with the partners,
30:23
you sit with the partners from the men that show up these
30:26
intensives talk about it making a difference, like unnecessarily
30:29
give that those messages to their partner because they're
30:32
scared it's going to go away. But just I'm direct with you
30:35
here. You all know this who've
30:37
listened to me for a while. I'm not going to sugarcoat it
30:39
because if somebody would have sugarcoated for me, I wouldn't
30:42
be here. So I won't sugarcoat it for you.
30:44
You will have to financially and time wise invest in your
30:47
recovery. There's no shortcuts.
30:49
Anybody that thinks they can offer you a shortcut like that.
30:52
I want to talk. I want to talk to him about it
30:54
because this is you don't you don't pray your way out of
30:57
something you behave your way into, which means you don't
30:59
There are no shortcuts. So anyway, just the Today was
31:03
about what is toxic masculinity? Does it exist for me?
31:07
Do I emotionally suppressed? Can I value my partner?
31:10
Is there control and play? So we're just disrupting that.
31:13
And then we're recognizing this is a vulnerability piece.
31:16
This is shedding that part. Where does it come from?
31:18
So a lot. I appreciate you joining a CV of
31:20
your perspective. Thanks for having me.
31:23
All right, everybody, we'll talk to you next time.
31:26
Hi, my name is Hallie Roderick with Choose Recovery Services.
31:29
And if you're a woman healing from betrayal trauma and you
31:32
find yourself feeling stuck or experiencing overwhelming
31:36
triggers, having a difficult time trusting yourself or even
31:39
thinking about trusting others or having a hard time
31:43
understanding what healthy boundaries are, how to hold
31:45
those, I want to invite you to consider joining us at our
31:49
upcoming Courage to Thrive intensive held on April 23rd
31:53
through 26th in Spanish Fork, UT.
31:57
These intensives are one of my favorite things to be a part of
31:59
because healing happens in community.
32:02
There's just something different that happens when you're in
32:04
person with other women who maybe your stories aren't
32:08
exactly the same, but there's a mutual understanding and a
32:11
safety that is created by being in a common community.
32:16
So if this sounds like something that would be beneficial to you,
32:19
please check the show notes, reach out to our office to get
32:22
more information, and come see us in Utah on April 23rd through
32:26
26th. We'd love to have you join us.
32:29
I'd love to share with you what's upcoming, and we have
32:32
something really unique coming up in June.
32:36
So for those of you who are in a healing profession, who is
32:41
helping take care of other people, therapists, coaches
32:45
especially. But even if you're a nurse
32:48
working in the medical field, if you spend your time catering to
32:52
everyone else and holding their pain and helping them through
32:55
their heart, we have an intensive just for you.
32:58
This is called Heal the Healer and OF Oh well, I love all my
33:04
intensives, but this one holds such a special place in my heart
33:08
because in Heal the Healer, it's where the healer gets to come
33:12
and for a moment set everything down and let you be taken care
33:16
of. And this isn't where you're
33:18
going to come do a ton of workshops and lots of learning
33:21
and have to stretch your brain. It's just where you get to come
33:25
relax. You get to kick your feet up and
33:28
have other professionals. They're ready to take care of
33:31
you and cater to you. We have a gorgeous lodge, house,
33:37
resort property that's all ours that has holes and saunas and
33:44
ponds and paths and trails, and it's tucked in the Wasatch
33:47
Mountains. We have a gorgeous place to
33:49
stay. All of your meals are included,
33:51
activities are included. They'll be time for fun if you
33:55
want to participate in that, and also time for downtime and rest.
33:59
And best of all, you get that connection with other strong
34:03
women who are holding it all together for somebody else and
34:07
who are ready to be taken care of.
34:08
So invest in you, take care of you.
34:11
We would love to have you there. I would love to hang out with
34:14
you and come with us in June to heal the healer.
34:21
Hey, thanks for joining us today.
34:23
If this is something that you connected with, I'd love to meet
34:26
with you more and talk about it. So what you can do is go to
34:28
chooserecoveryservices.com or check the show notes and there
34:32
what we can do is set up a quick conversation we need.
34:35
Thanks so much for listening to Beyond the Facade where we
34:37
unmask the authentic cell.