Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #96 Introducing Mrs Happy Families – Kylie Coulson

Transcript

#96 Introducing Mrs Happy Families – Kylie Coulson · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's Podcast with doctor Justin Coulson, the
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: podcast for the time, Poor parent who just Wants Answers Now?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Where Luke and Susie our husband and wife radio team
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: and the parents of three young boys. And today we
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: are talking about the Coulson household with Justin's wife Kylie
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: spilling the beans. For a long time, Luke, we've been
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: talking with doctor Justin Coulson.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: He comes into the studio.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: We have a lot of chats on air and off
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: air as well, which is always a whole lot of fun.
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  Speaker 1: And we've learned so much about parenting along the way.
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  Speaker 1: But quite commonly what comes up is my wife, Kylie.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: My wife, Kylie, my wife Kyle. She's amazing, she is amazing.
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  Speaker 1: So we've got her in studio with us today and
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  Speaker 1: today is about my wife Kylie.
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: Your your wife.
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  Speaker 2: Doctor.
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  Speaker 3: To tell you all about my wife, well.
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  Speaker 1: You can just step aside and we might have to
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: turn your mic off.
• 0:47
  Speaker 4: Its up.
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  Speaker 3: Like that, because we've got his wife Kylie.
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  Speaker 1: We do. Okay, Kylie's great to have you, Thanks for
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: being here.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: It's it's interest got to be an interesting life for you.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You have six daughters together, three who or older three
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: who are younger. Your youngest is five, your oldest is married,
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  Speaker 1: so that's it. Like, that's quite an age bracket for you.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: And you're parenting with someone who is a parenting expert.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: So my first question.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: For you, Oh, I see where this is going on.
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: The first question for.
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  Speaker 1: You is it might not be what you think. As
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: the wife of a parenting expert. Does this put pressure
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: on or take pressure off you?
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  Speaker 2: As a mum? I feel immense pressure, Oh dear, Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I feel ammen's pressure. In the early days, it was suffocating.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: It was very not so much because of Justin, but
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: because of what other people thought of me as a
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: result of being Justine's wife.
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: And in hindsight, do you think they thought that, Like,
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: do you have evidence that that was a case or
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: do you think it was mostly your perception? Like you
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: feeling the pressure, me feeling the pressure.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for the most part, I think that it's very
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: much me. But just as you would have experience online,
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: things get a little bit intense sometimes and often there's
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: a negative comment which is quite intense, and that leaves
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: me feeling very unsettled. So I really enjoy being in
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: the background.
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  Speaker 4: You you've never experienced that reaction to a negative comment
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: on Amazing.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: It's so funny, isn't it, Because if someone goes after Luke,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: it's like I didn't. I don't even sometimes think that
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: there's a line in me. But if someone goes after Luke,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I suddenly get even more protective than I do with
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: my children.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I think I just.
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: Get the loveliest person in the world. But when she
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: loses it, when that switch flicks, like there was a
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: moment when we were in a car rental place and she's.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Thought that would take advantage of my husband.
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: I was holding her by the shoulders and pulling her back.
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  Speaker 4: I'm glad there wasn't someone with the phone. But you
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: didn't say anything wrong, but you would, you would.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: We've been really fortunate though.
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  Speaker 5: We built a beautiful community online with the Happy Families
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: Facebook page, and most people are really, really great, And
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  Speaker 5: over time, I've just learned not to let Kylie know
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: that people are saying these things about me or about us.
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: It's just easy that way, and Kylie is so much
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: calmer because of that.
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: So then I want to know about you know, when
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: have you ever thrown his words back to him in
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  Speaker 4: the midst when you're at a different position on a
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  Speaker 4: parenting situation to go well. As a great parenting expert
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  Speaker 4: once said.
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  Speaker 3: Well, Kylie thinks of a scenario to dump me in it.
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  Speaker 5: Let me let me just share a really funny situation
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  Speaker 5: where I was being the most empathic, kind, gentle parenting
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  Speaker 5: expert right, and Kylie was having a really hard day
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  Speaker 5: and things weren't going well. And so I walked over
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  Speaker 5: to her and said, honey, it's just it's been a
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  Speaker 5: really rough day for you.
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  Speaker 3: I know how it feels.
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  Speaker 5: And I started to do the whole empathy thing. She
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  Speaker 5: looked at me and said, don't you give me that
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  Speaker 5: psychology crap.
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  Speaker 1: I feel yours.
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  Speaker 4: Into it? When have you thrown him back at himself?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, there's too many to come on, There's not that many. Really,
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  Speaker 3: I'm getting a little bit nervous.
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  Speaker 2: The reality is, for both of us, even though we
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  Speaker 2: have got lots of things that help us and we
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  Speaker 2: know a lot of things, just like the every day
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  Speaker 2: moment dad, we get it wrong all the time, and
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  Speaker 2: some days it's me and some days it's him, and
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  Speaker 2: thankfully more times than not we share.
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  Speaker 3: It's not so the days that we're both having a
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  Speaker 3: bad day from past.
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  Speaker 4: Well that was that was the most devastating thing that
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  Speaker 4: to start of our marriage was when you know, because
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  Speaker 4: we'd both been sick, but we've been sick one at
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: a time. The first time we both had a vomiting
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  Speaker 4: experience at the same time and there was nobody to
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  Speaker 4: look after us, like.
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  Speaker 3: This is not what parents are supposed to be.
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  Speaker 4: But that sense of that when you when you it's
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  Speaker 4: all good, when you once having a good day, once
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  Speaker 4: having a bad day, but when you're both having a
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  Speaker 4: bad day together, who's there to rescue you?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: So were there times where it comes down to I
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  Speaker 1: know you're the parenting expert, but I.
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  Speaker 3: Am a woman.
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  Speaker 1: I know what my daughter's going through.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, and no, I think that I look at the
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  Speaker 2: journey that we've taken together as husband and wife, and
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  Speaker 2: in the early days, Justin's been very open sharing the
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  Speaker 2: fact that parenting was hard for him in the beginning,
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  Speaker 2: and this journey started for him because he recognized a
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  Speaker 2: lack in his own life. But it took me a
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  Speaker 2: long time as his wife to actually come on board
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  Speaker 2: and go, you know what, I actually want to do
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  Speaker 2: things differently. You know, I've been brought up a certain way,
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  Speaker 2: and I thought I was okay, and I thought it
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  Speaker 2: was all right.
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  Speaker 5: And Kylie's training was in early childcare, so she knew
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  Speaker 5: more about children than I did. So for me to
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: suddenly say, well, I'm doing this like college degree and
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  Speaker 5: look what I learned, Kyla was like, no, no, definitely not.
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  Speaker 2: I've had a really big epiphany. One day, I had
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  Speaker 2: a really really bad day. I had two children at
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: the time, and I was pregnant with number three, and
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  Speaker 2: my two year old was just losing the plot and
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  Speaker 2: I had spent an entire day with this child losing
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  Speaker 2: the plot at me, and Justin walked home. I walked
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  Speaker 2: in the door after work one afternoon and the house.
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  Speaker 3: Was a mess. Nothing had been done. There was no food,
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  Speaker 3: called door and a thing I shaveled.
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  Speaker 2: Kylie kind of looked at him and just when you
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  Speaker 2: deal with this I have. I'm done. I can't do
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  Speaker 2: this anymore. And I walked off, and about three minutes later,
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  Speaker 2: everything was just calm, and I came out to see
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  Speaker 2: Justin kneeling at my daughter's level, and I heard him say,
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  Speaker 2: You've had a really bad day today, haven't you. And
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: she burst into tears and they had a little hug
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  Speaker 2: and that was the end of the chaos. It just
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  Speaker 2: melted and I thought, wow, maybe I do need to
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  Speaker 2: kind of listen a little bit more to what he
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  Speaker 2: has to share. And so as a result, that kind
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  Speaker 2: of journey just it's taken time. As a woman, you
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  Speaker 2: feel innately equipped to be a mother, but the reality
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  Speaker 2: is there's so much we can learn, and not everything
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  Speaker 2: comes innately. Yeah, and often our first initial reaction is
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  Speaker 2: not necessarily the right one.
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  Speaker 4: And in life, from a computer term, there's these two
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  Speaker 4: words that you use to say it's a static page
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  Speaker 4: or it's a dynamic page. And the static page means
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  Speaker 4: it stays the same and it's predictable and everything is
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  Speaker 4: in order. The dynamic means it's changing, and so therefore
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  Speaker 4: every little detail that changes means there's a whole new equation,
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  Speaker 4: an algorithm on how to come out the other side.
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  Speaker 4: And parenting is the most dynamic that I've ever experienced,
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  Speaker 4: and no matter how much you know, they're bound to
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  Speaker 4: throw up a scenario that doesn't quite fit the textbook
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  Speaker 4: right well, and I.
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  Speaker 2: Think too, because we're so emotional and tied to our children,
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  Speaker 2: so it's really easy in a moment to have knowledge,
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  Speaker 2: but once there is emotional connection to it, utilizing that
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  Speaker 2: knowledge in that highly emotive state is really challenging.
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  Speaker 4: So on that story, justin I saw your eyes that memory.
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  Speaker 4: What was that that got your emotional in that moment?
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  Speaker 4: I just.
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  Speaker 5: I love my wife and I love hearing her say
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  Speaker 5: nice things about me.
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  Speaker 1: Well, that actually raises a good point is when it
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  Speaker 1: comes to raising children for those who are fortunate to
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  Speaker 1: still be married in that scenario raising children together, how
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  Speaker 1: important is the marriage relationship in parenting.
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  Speaker 3: Everything?
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  Speaker 2: It's everything everything without that, without that relationship.
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  Speaker 5: We had a two year We had a two year
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  Speaker 5: phase with one of our children where it was torture
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  Speaker 5: and I don't like talking about it because I'm the
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: parenting expert and everything's supposed to be perfect, right, but
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  Speaker 5: my kids are not perfect.
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  Speaker 3: We are out sorry our kids, our children. Our children are.
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  Speaker 1: Not It's great, but.
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  Speaker 3: I'm so used to talking to you on my own.
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  Speaker 3: Our children are not perfect.
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  Speaker 5: They are learning and progressing and growing just like anybody,
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  Speaker 5: and they have imperfect models in us. We do the
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: best that we can, but we make mistakes. And with
• 9:22
  Speaker 5: this particular child for two years just was so challenging
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  Speaker 5: and the relationship that we share. It was really hard.
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  Speaker 5: For two years. It was so hard. And what we
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: found was that when we were aligned, when we were
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: working together, when we're on the same page, when we
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: were connecting, no matter how bad things were outside our relationship,
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  Speaker 5: if we were together, we could weather anything. But when
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: we were fractured, when we were saying, what are you
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  Speaker 5: doing like this for?
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  Speaker 3: You should be doing it like that?
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  Speaker 5: Or you know, if I had a bad moment with
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: that daughter, if Clytie had a bad moment with that daughter,
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: and it was easy for one of us to step
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: and be judgmental and say, why did you do that?
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: We've talked about this, We're not supposed to be responding
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: to her in this way our relationship, would you know,
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  Speaker 5: And the whole family felt like it was on such
• 10:13
  Speaker 5: a shaky foundation all of a sudden. So the quality
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: of the marriage is central to I think the well
• 10:20
  Speaker 5: being of the family.
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  Speaker 4: So then what have you found is the best way
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  Speaker 4: to protect that? So both perspectives the best way to
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: protect and invest into your marriage relationship.
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  Speaker 2: So until that time, we actually thought we were invincible
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: as a husband and wife team. We actually thought we
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: were really doing things great and that experience really highlighted
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: just the need to connect even when things are good,
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: and so out of that actually we created a little
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: thing that has made all the difference in our lives.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: We have a quarterly getaway. We go away for two
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: nights together.
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  Speaker 5: Every twelve weeks, so the end of term or towards
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: the end of turn, we just disappear every twelve weeks
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  Speaker 5: for two nights.
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  Speaker 2: And if you have been listening long enough, you know
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  Speaker 2: who Justin is. And dynamic is a really good word, Luke.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Justin nothing stays the same for very long and so
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: that getaway would really really be great if it was
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: just rest and relaxation, but it really isn't. With Justin,
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  Speaker 2: he has been very instrumental in being very intentional about
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: ensuring that our relationship improves and grows. And so in
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: that timeframe, we actually spend a lot of time talking
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: about our family and we look at each of our children.
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  Speaker 2: We discuss what's going well for them, what's not, how
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: we can support them better As mum and dad. We
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: look at our own relationship what's going well, what's not?
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Three questions, what's going well, what's not? And what are
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: we going to do to make things better. What are
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  Speaker 2: we going to work on?
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  Speaker 5: What's our next twelve weeks? Look like, yeah, I've got
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: the agenda. It's all planned. Kylie's like, can we.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Just sound super romantic?
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Well, we fit a little bit of that in there
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  Speaker 3: as well.
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  Speaker 4: Don't you worry.
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  Speaker 3: But it's been a huge hasn't it.
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  Speaker 2: It has literally changed things for us.
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  Speaker 5: And I know a lot of people will hear us
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  Speaker 5: talk about that and be like, well, I can't go
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  Speaker 5: away every twelve weeks. I mean there's the cost and
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: who looks after the children. We are very conscious of budget.
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: In fact, we stay we live in Brisbane. We stay
• 12:27
  Speaker 5: in Brisbane. We just stay at a hotel in Brisbane,
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: and because all of the hotels in the city charge
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: you know, fifty or sixty bucks to park overnight, we
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: ride our bikes in from a nearby suburb. We park
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: the car, we got on our bikes, put all our
• 12:40
  Speaker 5: clothes and a backpack and we ride in. So we
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: don't have to pay that, you know, we get the
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: biggest discounts we can. We're not spending a lot of money,
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: but it's two nights in a nice ish hotel and
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: we spend that time together. And in terms of babysitting,
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: we rely on family too with grandparents. I know not
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: everyone's got this, but we've got two sets of grandparents
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: and we ask if they can do it twice a
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: year each and sometimes they can't, which is really we're like, oh,
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  Speaker 5: this is what it's like for people that don't have support.
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  Speaker 3: This is really hard.
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: How are we going to do it this time? And
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: we've got to be really creative. But it's been a
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: game changer.
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: Well, you had me at We Can get Away, You
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: lost me at bikes and backpacks. But we have implemented
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: some of the Doctor Justin Coilson suggestions, one of them
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: being family meeting, and we've been a bit slack on
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: it lately. But the thing that we've found as that
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: the benefit of that is as while it's an agenda
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: and while it's a meeting, the reality is we discovered
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: that most of our problems, most of the freight edges,
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: came from poor communication, lack of communication. She thought one thing,
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: I thought another, the kids thought something different, and then
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: we found out at the moment where it was least convenient,
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: that we're on a different page. Whereas something like just
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: having that dedicated time to talk that stuff out actually
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: took away the communication breakdown, which left more room for
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: that connection totally.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: And that's what we found. It's just it's being connected
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: and being on the same page and allowing us to
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: six children. It's not very often that we don't have
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: a conversation that is not interrupted. It doesn't happen. We literally,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: you know, three sentences in and someone's knocking on the door. Mom,
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: you know I need this? Can you help me with that?
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: And it's frustrating and hard, and.
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: There are days where we think we should have stopped
• 14:32
  Speaker 5: at once, and that we love our children so much,
• 14:36
  Speaker 5: but just so that we can have a conversation. How
• 14:38
  Speaker 5: nice would it be to be able to wake up
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: on a Saturday morning with nothing to do but go
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: down to your favorite cafe. But that's not the life
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: that we live. It's life we chose. So we have
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: to make time for each other. And that's been the
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: heart of well, it has become the heart of our lives,
• 14:55
  Speaker 5: hasn't it.
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: So we said there was a couple, didn't we, So
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: we've got to the weekend getaways? Was there the things
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: you implemented?
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: Hmmm?
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: So what would you say would be the next Well,
• 15:12
  Speaker 5: I don't know if we can say this or not,
• 15:13
  Speaker 5: but making sure that we have a great intimate life
• 15:17
  Speaker 5: is critical.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: It's overlooked.
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: I run seminars on this sort of stuff from time
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: to times. Corporates might ask me to come in and
• 15:24
  Speaker 5: run relationship sort of things, and so many people will
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: roll their eyes and be like, oh yeah, like who's
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: got the energy for it at ten thirty or eleven
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: o'clock at night, Whereas we've been really intentional about we
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: don't have any TV subscriptions, so we're not on with
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: Foxtel or Netflix or Disney or Amazon Prime or any
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: or stand or any of the others. We actually don't
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: have any of that. And people, you know, people say, well,
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: you've got six kids, you mustn't have a TV. Well,
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: we do, but we actually like other things more than TV,
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: and that's to have that physical connection is absolutely critical,
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: and it's so easily overlooked. Or people are influenced in
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: a range of ways and start to think that it
• 16:06
  Speaker 5: should be something and they try to allow it to
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: they allow other influencers into that relationship, or they start
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: to feel like it's the same old, same old, which
• 16:17
  Speaker 5: means that they're actually not connecting. They're not connect We're
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: divorcing physical intimacy from emotional intimacy. When the emotional intimacy
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: is there, the physical intimacy doesn't seem to be a problem.
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: So that's something that we've been really intentional about, absolutely consistently.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: What else have we done, Honey.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: I think finding time going for walks. Again, we've said
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: it with the kids, but going for walks has been
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: something that we've absolutely loved doing. Again, just getting outside
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: the house and even if it's twenty minutes, just take
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: the dog for a walk and just have some downtime
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: and for both of us, outdoors.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: Is fuel for the soul.
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: One of the experiences we had recently, the kids wanted
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: to go to the park and rather than sit on
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: the park bench and we could still have a conversation there,
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: we just they went to the playground and we just
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: did laps around this big kids parking playground, so we
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: still could keep an eye on them, but we were
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: just talking as we were walking, and there was something
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: sort of you know, there's a conversation where you could
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: sit and gaze into each other's eyes, but there was
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: something powerful about just the moving together, and I don't
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: know whether there was a rhythm about it or something.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: Would usually use your phone while you're walking.
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: Let's see it. Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: I find I'm more relaxed, and I find it easier
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: stuff comes out. I can see why you take the
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: daughters for a walk, just one on one relationship building,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: because I don't know, there's something about it. Eventually your
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: guard comes down and it's easier to talk. I think
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: when you're walking, not.
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: When you're running side by side, feels less less intrusive.
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: It feels a little bit more like you're just with
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: somebody rather than face to face and almost confrontational time.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: So we shouldn't do staring competitions.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: You can do that. It's fun. Whoever blinks first?
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: So can I ask Kylie?
• 18:06
  Speaker 6: We've got to wrap up shortly.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: But with three girls who have gone through or in
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: the midst of the teenagers, you've got three still coming through,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: do you feel like the next three will do better
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: because you've already been through it once.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: I want to say yes, you're not going to a.
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: I want to say yes, do better.
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: As an interesting term, can I just I think that
• 18:31
  Speaker 5: I think they'll be raised differently. I know you ask, Kylie,
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: but I think they'll all do well in their own
• 18:36
  Speaker 5: ways because they're unique people. But I cut you off
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: and I'm sorry, No, that's fine.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: They are all so different, and yes, we definitely parent
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: them different and that became very obvious as four, five,
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: and six came along. And part of that comes as
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: a parent, you become more confident in your ability to respond.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: But and with that I think creates a calmer child
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: in lots of cases, in saying that you haven't met Emily, Yes,
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: last one, Oh my goodness, we have bookends. Okay, number
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: one and number six, energy to the max, and just
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: confidence like.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: You've never seen.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: But will they do better? I don't necessarily believe they'll
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: do better, but we will be better parents as a
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: result of the experiences that we've had.
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: But you're learning different lessons with the last three than
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: some of the lessons you told us about earlier on
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: in the first three. I'm not to say it's not
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: that you know everything. You just got to learn new
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: things now because it's a different dynamic, different kids. Yeah, three, four, five,
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: six versus the one and two. So it's just this
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: is the beautiful thing parently when people will talk about
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: because some people try and convince those who don't have
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: kids or don't want kids kids that they should want
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: them and have them, and they try and tell them
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: how wonderful it is. And I have these conversations and
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: I'll just say, none of it makes any sense. There
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: is no spreadsheet that I can put whether some title
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: of the formula at the end says it's a win
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: but for some reason and in somehow your life is
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: so much richer in these experiences, But it doesn't add
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: up on a spreadsheet, does it?
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: And so much tighter.
• 20:19
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, it's for a time though, right, Let's come,
• 20:25
  Speaker 6: let's not just keep this going, this moment going for
• 20:27
  Speaker 6: just a little bit, for another minute of contemplation, which
• 20:30
  Speaker 6: is really just let's we'll just take a sixty seven break.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: Carlie, it's so great to meet you. Thanks for sharing
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: some of the inside story of life in the Coolson
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: household with a parenting expert for a husband justin. Thanks
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: for sharing as well and not goofing off too much.
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: I did my best. I'm sorry for interrupting, but I'm
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: just I'm so glad that you got to meet Kylie.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, You're Adorable together. Thanks to Justin Pulson and Kylie
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: appreciate it.
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: If you've enjoyed the podcast, we'd love for you to
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: leave a review on.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: It chair Thank Samantha. Did I really enjoy hearing his outlook.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: I grew up very differently from my children, and I'm
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: trying to break the cycle that my parents have given me.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I just want to have a happy family and feel
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: very fortunate to have found and heard these podcasts. I
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: can only hope i'd do a good job raising my
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: little Lea's If I wasn't so far from him, I'd
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: book him here so I could hear his advice firsthand.
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: Well, if you'd like Justin to speak at your school
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: or organization, all you gotta do is visit happyfamilies dot
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: com dot au.