Latest / Autoras de palabra con Rosa / La autora Lola Álvarez: “Los famosos que comparten sus problemas mentales hacen que se ‘glamuricen’ y no es bueno"

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La autora Lola Álvarez: “Los famosos que comparten sus problemas mentales hacen que se ‘glamuricen’ y no es bueno" · Autoras de palabra con Rosa

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To understand that it is going through the head of our children, to know,
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to distinguish between the changes proper to that age and the clinical tables that
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need the diagnosis of a specialist, to know, to face the problems of
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mental health in adolescence, a stage that we have all lived and as mothers,
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we have suffered. But because it' s common, it doesn'
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t have to go unnoticed. We' re interested in knowing what I missed.
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LolaÁlvarez Romano in word authors with welcome pink. Thank you very much,
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Rosa, a pleasure I said to you a second ago. That usual
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age that we seem to have to pass, but that a bad step or
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not being attentive or not knowing what is happening can be very dangerous. Yes,
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it is a very delicate age, very full of promise. It is
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a really fascinating and positive and exciting age, not as much as parents as
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for children. But, for everything, that change that is inevitable, that
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is intrinsic to adolescence, that is the physical and psychological change that they are
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going through, that they are living, also creates many uncertainties and many anxieties,
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both parents and children. So, parents have to realize that they don
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' t control the whole world of their children anymore, that up to the
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age of ten, you know where, what they do, where they are
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with whom. And of course that' s a pretty big change there.
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Once they start adolescence, you have to trust them and think good will do
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what I hope is sensible. No, but of course it' s one
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thing, it' s a pretty delicate thing for parents. Parents also sometimes
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complain about things, but they complain about the teen changing, but they realize
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that they also have to change the point of view a little bit. I
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' m gonna get your book, the cover of your book, which I
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think defines today. I do not say today, because we live with technologies,
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we live with this mobile, always in hand, in what a boy
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represents, in an adolescence where he is focused all the time on that mobile.
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In that mobile you can find many things, some are not as good
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as they should be. I' m struck by some of your notes in
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your book. One of them is that it can even be diagnosed through a
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test that appears on the mobile, on social networks, on a certain link.
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He' s worried about that. Yeah, that' s one thing
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that for years, already when I worked in public mental health, there,
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in the UK, in many parents already came with the diagnosis made by them
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on Google. So many times, we had to explain to them that we
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should talk to each other. It' s something more complex and it'
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s not just and it' s good. It' s one thing that
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since we got Google and we can find all kinds of things you used to
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look at the medical encyclopedia, so we started giving the symptoms and you had
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them. Everyone happens a little bit, but more then the young people do
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that a lot too, i e, self- diagnoses identify clear good things
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without knowing and how they will know if they are young. No, then
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there' s one. That has several. For me it has several components.
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One of them is that there are many famous people who have now visualized
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that they have mental health problems or had before or, for example, actors
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or athletes who suffer from anxiety before a party or one of a firm,
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that is to say the typical one. Fear is scenic, not panicking,
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technical let' s say then, on the one hand, it' s
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very good that people say openly about their personal battles, because that seems to
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make everyone more open about their own. No. But it has had another
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faith effect, which is that personal battles have also been somewhat glamorous. So
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I differ that young people, some young people, kind of want to create
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interest around them. In that sense, and for example, before I say
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it, I am concerned about the examination. He says I have anxiety,
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which are two different things. Or you had a problem with your girlfriend,
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not the boyfriend. And instead of saying I' m in a slump,
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because they say I have pressure or I have a depression. Or as a
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girl told me that already let me go, she left me in pictures and
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she told me well, I have anxiety, I have more of a 14
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- year- old girl and she told me and I have body morphism.
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I told him and how he manifests that says good. I' d like
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to be more out. I thought already and I didn' t, but
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I want to tell you that, instead of saying I think you give me
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too much weight or good I look chubby. Or whatever, yes, then
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I had already classified it as clear bodily morphhea. Then I thought, my
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mother, but to see where you know where we came up with the subject
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of the diagnosis highway. Yes, then all this, well, believe,
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believe. See, that doesn' t mean they don' t have mental
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health problems. That' s not, that everything I' m making up
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and nothing happens to them, but they don' t have the problems they
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think they have maybe they have others you know, but it means that tendency
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to self- taught day you don' t. It seems that everyone has
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to have something, you have to box it somewhere. But there are things
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you' ve said that you write down in your book. And besides,
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I think it' s pretty worrying that having a disorder, having an anxiety
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problem, a problem like you just set the example of this girl with a
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particular name, which seems to give you some prestige, and that prestige of
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looking something that' s possible. Maybe you don' t look like it,
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but you' re already in a box or you' ve been diagnosed.
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He' s in a lot of danger. Yes, yes, yes,
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because I also know that you have a danger because they have consequences for
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your immediate surroundings. I mean, if a boy or a girl says I
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have anxiety, then now, Mom, it' s just an anxiety that
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you don' t understand, I have anxiety. So the parents, they
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kind of don' t know how to drive anymore, because maybe they'
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re asking them to do something regular, like go shopping or take out the
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trash or that I' ve got to keep anything that everyday. And then
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the boy, the girl already has anxiety, which to see that is an
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example a little bit, a little exaggerated, no, but it is true
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that when young people manifest themselves to have some symptom, parents, do not
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know how to treat them because they are afraid to make it worse. So
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this happens a lot that when we work with many teenagers, we also work
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with parents in parallel, because sometimes parents are like they don' t know
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how to care for this child. This daughter with the others has all gone
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well, but with this one she has a little anxiety, like she paralyzes
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a little parental function. And that' s counterproductive, because it might put
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fewer limits on it or put fewer or fewer things on it. Then,
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of course, a dynamic is created among them, which is not healthy.
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It' s not healthy dynamics. Saying well, there are things you have
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to do to them, even if they occupy a little bit, because having
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an exam does make you a little nervous, but they are life' s
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learnings the more tests, you pass that you might have some anxiety rather equipped,
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you' ll be, you know, more developed, your own resources.
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What can' t be is that anxiety that plus well- arrived anxiety
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is good emotionally. Not that, on the one hand, and on the
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other hand, anxiety must not become a tool that doesn' t always happen,
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but that you know you have it. You have that power in quotation
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marks as a teenager so that those limits that must not be met. Yeah,
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yeah, yeah, it' s to see It' s just that
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it' s really useful. Unless it paralyzes you and then the bad thing
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is that if you avoid all situations, it causes you anxiety. Your world
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shrinks a lot because then there are many things you can' t do.
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So I always say parents that well, you have to help them, but
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you really don' t stop them from doing certain things. And well,
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for example, if it' s an anxiety that really overtakes them and only
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happens to them when they do what I know about a competition, they may
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have to abandon it until competition. You know, there are things that depend
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if they' re not necessary, but, for example, attending school,
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sometimes it' s also a good anxiety problem that they can' t go
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because they' re so anxious to think. Well, if there wasn'
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t the school that we have so many cases, it' s not just
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a thing of learning and passing exams. Not that there are many relationships with
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friends, that is, the effect is clear, they offer many possibilities of
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physical, emotional, social psychic development. Then of course I told you that
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if you' re going to eliminate things, there came a time that is
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in a very poor world and the problem is here as the art of alternative
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is to have an online life. It' s an option that' s
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too comfortable. If they were at home bored watching movies or watching television during
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the day, they would surely get to go to school. But well,
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or maybe more you know, but it' s that now you know they
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can do that they see days that give it all remotely, since they give
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it all you know in a virtual way. These things that need not be
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pathologicalized so much and normalized that some of the feelings, such as depression or
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anxiety, are part of life. See, it' s normal to be
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sad when someone in the family dies, when you have to sacrifice the pet,
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it' s normal to be sad. There are legitimate feelings that you
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have to have, that you have to be able to express, share and
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that are healthy for life, although it doesn' t seem like it because
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you' re having a hard time. So it' s kind of like
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that distinction is a very blurry turn. How to differentiate an emotional state from
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a mental disorder. I guess it' s more, much more complex than
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the question itself, but sometimes we get over that teenager' s situation and
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you start accounting for your head and maybe diagnosing how this girl did. This
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example of yours wrong things. Yeah, well look at an emotional state.
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It' s a rather transitory thing, which can be a week or two
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or maybe a little longer, which is the typical state of mind. Let
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' s say post breakup with boyfriend or dessert suspends a blow. That'
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s a knockout that' s given to teenagers. Well and the adults also
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something that doesn' t go as you expected, then you' re a
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little disappointed, angry, a little bit like a mental health disorder to a
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broader and more lasting behavior change. It' s a more chronic state.
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So it' s things like losing illusion for things is one of those that
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is sometimes transmitted to you with things that say note so that you give it
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that other thing, stopping going out with your social circle, with your friends,
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dropping out of school learning, becoming more airtight, irritable, angry that
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you get angry about anything that you don' t know how you' re
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going to react to things. But all this that is a change in relation
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to how it was usually, and not only the typical change of adolescence,
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but something that has to do with it. There' s a difference between
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a hermetic teenager who wants you to leave him alone with a depressed teenager who
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' s probably more locked up in himself, he' s less related to
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family people. Maybe he' s got insomnia, maybe he' ll doubt
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me a lot more. He has stopped coming out, He has changed social
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groups or he is or his social group is purely online or whatever change,
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So notice that everything that was right up to that moment has stopped producing him,
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pleasure, that he abandoned and things that he used to enjoy, for
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example, if he liked to poporte or go to the beach or do anything
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that at once. I' ve lost interest in that and it' s
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one thing that stays, so more than one of these things itself might be
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a teenager if he had a hobby and he' s stopped being an amateur,
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well, it' s okay. But if you also see that there
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is the doctor who does not go out with friends, who has lowered his
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offer, who spends a lot of time alone and especially in some things that
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I always say parents, who are not long hours in his room with the
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computer, with him did not know portable, because if you think he is
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depressed, it is better that you come to an agreement that either leave the
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door tight or you will knock on the door from time to time to see
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what he is doing, because in those states, if he is in such
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a vulnerable state, the things that he can access can drag him a little
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further down, because, for example, if you are depressed and you put
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me that I know I feel fatal, he can get into forums of these
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people who have lost hope and that everyone is against them you know then sometimes
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really find sources of support in v and line. Not everything is bad,
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but sometimes they can find groups in which this becomes a way of life as
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if we were saying dangerous allegory. In turn, yes, yes, yes,
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you point out about not leaving the door locked at all or not spending
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too much time. It' s room, that I don' t say
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feeling, that perfection you have that something' s running. As a parent
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you can find yourself with a locked door and not want to communicate as much
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as you do. Yeah, so, well, you have to wait and
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treat her with delight from that, for example, let her know that you
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' re worried, maybe not questioning her, not telling her already, but
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that you' re doing there all day. You can tell him listen I
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noticed there' s been a change. It' s been a long time
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since you went out every Saturday, I haven' t seen you go out
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with Fulanito or your friends in days, and I think it' s happening
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to something. I don' t think something' s right. So,
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when you manifest it like that, you' re not expecting a response,
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but he already knows that you' re a little alert that something' s
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not right. So you' ve cleared the ground a little bit for when
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he sees it and decides to say good if this has happened and you know
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or I don' t know what to do or I suddenly what I know.
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My friends do things I don' t want to do or they'
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ve gotten into this mess or the last time we go out, one of
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them did something I don' t like and I don' t want to
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go out. You know, a little bit, because it also happens that
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friends sometimes get into situations, performances that the teen may not be able to
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participate in, she doesn' t want to participate, so it' s
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not always bad. Sometimes lovers, the group of friends, may be doing
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things they don' t, but well, the fact is, you notice
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that there' s been a life change or, for example, if you
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have to change your home and lose your circle of friends and your school.
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There are things that can happen that maybe are life circumstances, that life doesn
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' t wind you up and parents sometimes have to make changes or that gives
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me know without a job or moving to or. One of the parents has
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to travel for this and is less at home or some grandfather gets sick and
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one of the progra mother parents has to be in the hospital every day.
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It means that there are situations of family stress that can mean that sometimes the
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teen is down and the steps are not noticed, not because they are bad
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parents, but because sometimes life surpasses them too. So, that would be
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normal life. I mean throughout this entire period, since you' re born,
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what happens is that you' re not conscious until you reach that youthful
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adolescence, maturity, etcetera. Life is going to show you how it really
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depends on your attitude to problems or to no problems. But what happens when
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a teenager has suffered, for example, an emotional abuse sets the example of
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such jokes. It' s not a joke. It' s a joke,
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but those jokes are creating. That' s bullying. Not that we
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talked so much about him and that he was not given too much importance because
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we considered it to be something we had to overcome, as we had overcome
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others. Yeah, these things to see. You have to think. You
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have to think that the teen is sensitive material, that any joke can really
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beat his self- esteem because they already use so much and even more with
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social networks and live notice, that they live in a changing body, that
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the blow grows, hairs come out, grains come out, things come out
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that they didn' t expect at all. The kind the nose sometimes before
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the rest of the face is that there are things that they, myself are
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like wow, what' s going to happen here. So, anything that
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growing insecurity is not good, because they already have interest in it, so
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jokes, these in quotation marks, are sometimes quite good. They can make
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them dents more than the adult thinks. Not then clear good. You have
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to be careful, you have to have a sense of humor, do some
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things more light, but not that humor, not humor at their expense.
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The sexual abuse, the trauma that this type of abuse produces, you say,
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the abuser takes advantage of the child' s innocence, of course destroys
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it and from there he knows how you develop your maturity and before, of
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course, your adolescence. Yes, sexual abuse is especially, if we say,
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harmful, because it affects the body cul, obviously, and it affects
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the mind a lot too, which is the process of drooming, the process
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of seduction from the du to the child, makes the child very confused the
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girl, because it really happens. Unfortunately, the victims are both boys and
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girls girls more often at the top of certain areas, but boys also suffer
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from them. So it' s very complex, that is, the type
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of age of harm, is very complicated, because that person, especially to
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see we know that most of them are trusted, are teachers or trusted adults
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or family members, that that person may have a public identity that is different
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from the one the child knows. That that person, that person of trust,
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then the child kind of has to change this record in a way that
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' s not easy to do and then, because in many cases it does
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produce a sexual situation for the boy or the girl who then don' t
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know what to do with it, as if we said, because it'
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s not an expression that they have sought or that they have the maturity to
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know what it is, or that it' s the typical sexual exploration that
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then, with adolescence, will be developing when you have a boyfriend. For
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example, I, a boy, a girl of eleven or twelve years of
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age, may feel sexually excited, but it' s precisely good that she
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feels it, but that excitement has nowhere to go, because they' re
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still getting to know each other. So of course if you' re in
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a period of real sexual activity it' s like forcing you to skip stages.
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Besides, because they' re in a situation you know then. But
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then, maybe the biggest thing is the game, the mind games thing,
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you know the game of seduction, that you' re special, that of
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course the secretism good, the idea that it distorts the parameters of what adults
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are visual about and what it' s like to have confidence in adults actually
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then it' s like your whole world is a little distorted. That doesn
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' t mean they can' t recover, because they can recover, that
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' s what therapy is needed for. Then they are things that, over
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time, the victim may come to recognize that, although in some points it
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was expedient, at some point that of its responsibility, that responsibility. This
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always with the adult you know is a little bit like but, but it
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' s complicated and it' s complex processes that take time, but that
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are overcome. I am also concerned about the number of adolescents, also not
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so young children, leaving that age, from childhood, the number of suicides.
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Yes, this is really worrying, and it' s a question that
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I' m now habitually asking young people who are coming, who are depressed,
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if they' ve ever had suicidal ideas and that' s a change.
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We didn' t do this years ago. But, well, since
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you' re there, you ask, because you never know, you know
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how much you can feel like that. It' s a thing of usually
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I ask if you have ideas of suicide and if you tell me it'
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s yes, for many it' s simply ideas and those ideas you give
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them a sense of control that well, if everything fails, at least I
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can always kill myself, well already, but they never do anymore. But
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it' s a part of it. Let us say of a thought,
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perhaps a passing thought, that many of them have and never think about it.
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But, for example, then I ask him if he has investigated,
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how he was going to do it, how he would do it, and
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many of them tell you yes, I' ve been looking and so forth.
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Then the risk increases, obviously, then I ask them what is preventing
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it, what has stopped them so far. Many of them say, then,
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what harm they would do to their parents, their brothers. So that
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fear of hurting the family acts as an anchor to life. No, then
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it depends on how many they are, on how those bonds are. If
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they have a family fan at best that they are not very much in or
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that they think their parents pass from them or that, even if it isn
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' t, it' s true, but that' s the experience they
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have. The risk increases a lot And if there have been suicides in the
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family, also if there have been uncles or grandparents or this would have happened
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is one thing that are risk factors. So the moment you think the teenager
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might be thinking about it and he' s already looked at how he'
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d do it. You have to act and you have to be very vigilant,
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which is a feeling of the teenager who or who sees a situation that
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is not going to change, that he cannot overcome and that is not going
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to change, or that he has lost interest in life, that here he
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has lost the illusion for life, that that seems very sad even to express
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it so that for a teenager it can happen to him, but then it
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is clear. If the situation is that, we must activate protection mechanisms,
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monitor ourselves, give us twenty- four hours and see how we are going
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to seek help, obviously, and well, to try to get things back,
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to see what this state of depression and defeat and hopelessness has produced,
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because in reality it is mostly despair. There are also his impulsive suicides by
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diners to end at that moment that is why the United States goes to the
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head, because the weapons are much more at hand. Then it' s
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a shame, but it seems to me that the world is currently suffering with
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more suicides you' ve already said. Finally, you have to be alert
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to see a teenager. I almost told you a little while ago, a
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teenager not if you want to feel, as I would say, vulnerable or
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you don' t want to feel that you, as a father, are
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occupying his space. I think it' s that difference they understand between being
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a child and going on an adult' s way. This isn' t
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my space. I have my world. I' m having a hard time,
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but I mean it. I lock myself in here, not just physically
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in a room, but in my world, and if you try to be
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alert or try to talk to me, you' re occupying a space I
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' ve earned because I' m already at an almost adult age. That
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' s his thought. That' s where I understand it' s dangerous,
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because you have to weigh how you' re going to get close so
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that it doesn' t get locked up anymore, no, so you don
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' t get to the average. Yeah, it' s delicate. It
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' s delicate and that' s why you told yourself to express that what
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you think as a father or mother and leave it there and without necessarily waiting
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for a conversation, because, for example, I' m told by teenagers.
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Yeah, I' m that my mom' s worried about me or
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my dad' s taking me fishing because she cares about me or things like
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that. So, well, let' s see the teenager know that the
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parents are worried about him. It' s not bad. On the contrary,
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the bad thing, the most worrying thing is that the ones before it
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is. It' s been a long time and you want your parents to
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have no idea. Maybe that' s where sometimes we have to talk to
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you to tell you well, you don' t worry, but you have
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to worry because your child has quite worrying thoughts. So, you see,
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teenagers always need their parents, and not just to get them out of here
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in the car and ask all of Hoffer' s parents yes, other than
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Shuffer' s. They need them in a different way. They need them
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as a point of reference. They need them like knowing that someone is there
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and if they get into the big mess, because I sometimes ask them this
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question. If you had a very serious problem, one of your friends would
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have it and they wouldn' t stand up to who, who to go
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to, whom to go to, and many would tell my father, my
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mother, then you think good. The parents are then surprised to hear them
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say. That' s true, oh sure, but it' s true.
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You know what I mean is, in the end, when they'
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re in trouble, they think good. I have to call the same mother
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because I' m Johns and how to work out here or an older brother.
29:00
Sometimes it' s not, but sometimes it' s someone from the
29:03
family. Not often. Then parents are needed to provide the environment. Be
29:14
sure of safety, of solidity that they are there, although you know the
29:21
líes then that' s what parents have to have, that they have to
29:23
step back to give some space for all this exploration to teen. But what
29:30
it doesn' t mean is that parents don' t have to give up,
29:33
or that parents have to say man, it' s that I don
29:37
' t know drunk wine or a couple of Saturdays and I don' t
29:40
know what anymore. Well, don' t let a bad episode define your
29:44
son or your relationship with him. It' s teenage stuff And if you
29:48
don' t like it, you talk to him when it' s over,
29:52
he hears what you did the other day, I don' t like
29:52
it. So we' re going to have to see how we do it,
29:56
because if every time you go to, such happens this, then we
30:00
' re going to know how if you' re going to see less or
30:04
if I either pick you up before or whatever, there' s negotiating stuff.
30:06
It' s not what the song is like. Always yes, communication
30:08
is essential for negotiation. Up to a certain point, because then you also
30:14
have to put limits, and the limits suppose that the father has to be
30:18
the bad cop and say the father or the mother, that is, because
30:22
you don' t go, even if they have one of rinche, because
30:26
I' m sorry, but until I' m sure what you' re
30:29
going to be, to be sure and that I know who you' re
30:33
coming with, who you' re going with and where you' re staying
30:34
you' re not going and you' re at the best next year,
30:37
that you' ll be a year older, maybe, then we can talk
30:37
about it again. You know if it' s a music festival or something.
30:41
You know there are things that there is no network a universal rule.
30:47
It must be weighed that the situation, of course, every family union every
30:53
child and every situation that arises. There are also things that are also things
31:00
that are not. The point is, we don' t miss anything.
31:04
But, well, you' ll miss something always for sure. But of
31:08
course I' m lost, don' t miss anything. Grave, yes,
31:14
exactly, so many. In addition, there is another erratic thing that
31:18
today families are very picky, everything goes very fast and sometimes parents do not
31:25
have so much time to observe their children. Sometimes they ask them things,
31:30
but they don' t obligate us, they don' t notice the minutiae
31:33
of the day as things change and they' re not with teenagers, with
31:37
children. We also ask it as something a normal question, as it'
31:41
s raining what time you have is the mistake you say and how you do
31:48
it let' s say good and you no longer ask more or not notice
31:52
that maybe on that day the good one and it implies that it didn'
31:57
t go so well and why yes. There are things that children have been
32:00
devoting time and real time to, day to day minute time, not time
32:05
when there is some problem in general, to do things day to day,
32:09
to talk at the table without the phones on the table. I always say
32:15
the parents and the parents removed the telephor from the kiss. It matters they
32:20
' re going to do it and then they don' t have any self
32:24
- authority to tell them not to do it. If you do, you
32:24
don' t. But also, because the conversation has to be real and
32:29
from that moment of the present one must be able to be in the present
32:31
with them. Well, thank you very much. You make me happy every
32:37
next Chao ya