Latest / The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show / Episode 21, Season 1: Pop Psychology is Not Psychology

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Episode 21, Season 1: Pop Psychology is Not Psychology · The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Welcome the Love dot Podcast. I'm your co host right
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: now that you're here with our host, Doctor Hensley, the
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: owner and CEO of The Dating Decoder.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Yes hih.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Episode twenty one today. I'm excited about this one. I
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: know I say that about like I was so excited
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: about this one, but I am excited about this one.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: So this episode is pop pop psychology is not psychology.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's a meme circulating right now. That's like
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: pop psychology is not psychology. And I actually did a
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: video on this last year, and it was my It
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: was the video that first put me in the national
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: media for the first time because and I didn't even know.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Somebody contacted me and they were like, I open up
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: MSN dot com today and here you were. And I
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: was like, what what somebody article and ask me. They
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: just took my video and basically elaborated on it. But
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: it was all about pop psychology is not psychology.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't remember that video. I have to
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: look it up and we may need to recirculate it.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Of course it was I had no makeup on, I'm
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: like doing a walk. It had terrible sound quality. It
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: was just something that I don't know I had just
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: seen before I went on my walk or something, and
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: I was like, you know, I'm fired up about this
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: right now, I'm just gonna make a video. And of
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: course it's always the ones that you like, don't try
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: hard way that blow up. And I'm like, well, okay,
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: I think it had like I mean, several million views,
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: and it's just like, okay, well that was a day
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I decided to not put makeup on and not do
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: my hair.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: And it just goes to show that you don't have
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: to get things so right before. You just do it right.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: You just do it. And so for all those people
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: who are out there who are thinking about doing something
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: that you love, just don't be afraid to do it.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: The biggest change in my entire life was going from
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: a think about person to be about a person like
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I am such a be about a person. And so
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: this is a really good example of that. My husband
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: and I just we bought a lake lot. So we
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: are I'm a fourth generation Lake Cumberland boater, so that's
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: a really big deal. I'm a third generation. My kids
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: are fourth generation, sorry, and so we love Lake Cumberland.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: We have a boat. It's an old she's an old boat,
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: but you know, she gets us on the water. Anyway,
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: we got this like really awesome deal on this lake lot,
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: like it just kind of on the outskirts in the
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: area that's it's gonna be more you know, built up,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: but for now it's kind of desolate and it's just
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: this beautiful lot and we've been sitting on it for
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: like a year, and we're like, we're gonna build a house,
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: We're gonna airbn be it. It's gonna be our retirement home.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: But we can have like family events there. It's gonna
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: be awesome. And we just we're so clueless about like
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: because we don't live in that area, so like who
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: can clear the lot? Like who are the builders? And
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: we just kept putting it off, putting it off, and
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: we were and Donald was like, we are such be
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: about it people, and we have not been to be
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: about a person on this And then this week we
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: were like, okay, just I was like I'm giving you
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: full range. Just go do it. That lot is already cleared,
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: we have a builder in an architect amazing or like
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: you know, that's what you want to do. You just
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: have to execute. You have to minimize the time between
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: the time that you think about something in the time
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: that you execute it. Because listen, even all the planning
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: in the world is not going to always make that
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: big of a difference, right, Sometimes it ends up being worse.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: It just put things off. And I think that that's
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: what's happened in my business. Like the more we just
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: execute and then if it doesn't work, you just pivot.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: And just something else. That's what I was gonna say.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: It's been our mission since really, you know, I came
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: on to this and we said from the get go, like,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: we're not going to overthink things because when you overthink things,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: all you do is waste time, and you spend time
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: looking at other people that are half as talented as you,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: or half know half of what you know, do things
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: that you wish you could do.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: I know. So that's why I don't look looking at
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: my competitors. I'm like, yes, you get them and tell
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: me like what I can need to do, because then
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I'll just use social comparison.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: That's right, that's right. So and nobody got time for that.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: But that's not the topic of this episode. The topic
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: of this episode is pop psychology, and so we're just
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: going to break down really the meme that is, it's circulating. Well,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: at least I've seen it everywhere.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe that's because obvious you're out psychologist, and yeah, and.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: We posted it, we posted it, we reposted it. So
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: let's the first one. Is everyone you dislike is not
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: a narcissist.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: Yep, Yeah, that's true, because I mean, the hard fact
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: of the matter is is we don't have that accurate
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: of data of who is actually a narcisst like, how
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: many people are actually out there in the population that
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: would classify as having NPD. And there is such a
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: difference between somebody that has some narcissistic traits and somebody
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: who's fully MPDR. NPD is a narcissistic personality disorder, and
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: this means that they are at the level of a
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: disordered personality, which means that their disorder is very very
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: stable and it's very very severe. Right, Somebody that did
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: you wrong is not always a narcissist. Right. We have
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: lots of fays out there that are mean and spitefulder
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: in conflict, but they carry a lot of shame around it,
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: you know, And I.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: Think that if you want to, you know, if any
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: of the listeners want to explore this even further. We
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: actually did a whole entire episode we did on are
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: They a Narcissist that really breaks down the nuances of
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: people who are just maybe have attachment issues versus someone
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: who could potentially be on the spectrum further down the
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: spectrum to have something like MPD, right, and I know that,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: you know, I think it's important that we preface this
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: whole episode with the idea of you know, the reason
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: why we feel like this is an important topic is
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: because with social media comes you know, yes, higher levels
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: of consciousness for people to focus more on healing and
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: their mental health. But with that higher level of consciousness
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: also things like this where we often take it over
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: the line, right where we make it a bigger deal
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: than what it really is. And that's what pop psychology is.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: And there are a lot of people posing as psychologists, yeah,
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: that are not psychologists and not.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Credible and not credible.
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  Speaker 2: And you know, I'm not saying that they're saying they
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: have a degree in psychology and they actually don't. I'm
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: saying that they are giving a lot of psychological advice.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: It's not accurate.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: That's not accurate, that's not data driven. That drives me absolutely.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: It is my pet peeve. And there are people that
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: are like claiming to be literal attachment experts that cannot
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: differentiate between a fearful avoidant and a dismissive avoidant, And
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: to me, that's almost sickening. Yeah, I'm like, have you
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: read any science?
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, or are you just not there.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: How to love the avoidant? Man? What type of avoidant
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  Speaker 2: are you talking about?
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Because they're totally different, totally different, totally different, totally different.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: Every think about them is totally.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I think it's this is an important issue
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  Speaker 1: because it debunks a lot of that and that's what
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: we're you know, we're here to do because one thing
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: that you are is credible. So the next one, this
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: one's a big one, because this is something that I
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: feel like, I won't specify generation, but with the higher
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: levels of consciousness and all this, you know, media around
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: psychology and mental health, every unpleasant experience is not trauma.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: That's right, Oh my god, No it is not.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Now, what I will say is trauma is a little nuanced,
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  Speaker 2: and attachment traumas are often unrecognized in a lot of people.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: But also, we are raising kids more and more and
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: more that cannot tolerate discomfort yea that I mean even
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: for a minute, and have no coping skills, and have
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: zero coping skills.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Because they've been validated over and over and over that
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  Speaker 1: you know.
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  Speaker 2: Like, there shouldn't be no safe spaces, there should be
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  Speaker 2: no trigger warnings because guess what, when that really awful
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: thing happens to you, there's not going to be a
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: trigger warning that it's coming. There was no trigger warning
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  Speaker 2: for me that my father of my kids was going
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: to show up dead one day, right, there was no
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: trigger warning about that, right, And so how in the
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: hell are we supposed to prepare people for the inevitable
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: trauma that will happen in your life. If if we
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: treat every little discomfort or unpleasant experiences, well, that's potentially
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: traumatizing for me. I can't hear it or.
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  Speaker 1: Just masking it, right, Like I think our generation is
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: notorious for this. We try to take all the discomfort
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: that our children feel. Yes, And I know I'm overcompensate, overcompensate,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: overcom say I'm guilty of it.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: I'm guilty of it too, And I have really focused
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: in the last couple of years more on attachment parenting
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: in because I think attachment parenting gets a really bad
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: rap and there are people that distort what attachment parenting
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: really is, like this whole gentle parenting movement. I see
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: it as, you know, teaching my children to be securely attached.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: And this was an example I gave in my group
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: the other day. So a fundamental core capacity building principle
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: that I teach are metacognitive skills. Mediccognition is just this
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: idea that we can know what we don't know, we
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: can observe our own thoughts. There's a lot of different
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: things under the umbrella of metacognition, but challenging our own
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: thoughts as one of those, and that's a big one
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: for earning your security. And I do this with my children.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: So for example, if my oldest daughter comes downstairs, who's thirteen,
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: so there's a six year age gap. My oldest is thirteen,
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: my youngest is seven. And if my thirteen year old
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: comes downstairs and she stomps her foot and she says,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: you know, my sister is always coming into my room,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: and she's always taking my stuff, and she's always using
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: my products, and she's always like meddling in my things.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: The first thing I will say is, wow, you know,
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I see that you're really frustrated. I'm with you, sis,
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah right, So what did I just do? Validated her feeling?
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: I see it, and I understand it immediately. That's calming forever, right,
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: And it's calming for most people. It's like, okay, you're
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: hearing me. I can take it down and on, and
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: then I go, Okay, first of all, is it really always?
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Is it every day? Is this in every day thing?
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: No, I'm being serious. Is this in every day thing?
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: And she's like no, it's like, you know, maybe once
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: a week. And I'm like, okay, well that's still unacceptable
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: to you. I understand why you'd be frustrated by that,
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: but I think we need to change the framework that
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: it's not always right. And she's like, okay, So what
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: I'm teaching her to do is use metacognition challenging your
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: own thoughts. This is a cognitive distortion. You're catastrophizing it.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: It's not always right, right, So I'll point out that's
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: a not a really valid thought right there. And that
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: is such a huge part of earning your attachment securities
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: to be able to recognize your own cognitive distortions and
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: changing them in real time. So I do that with
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: my child. I'm like, Okay, so it's not always, but
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: it's enough that it still doesn't feel good, and you
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: need to have a boundary, right, and I can help
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: you with that. Okay, what are you feeling right now?
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: In your body?
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: That's a big one too, right.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: It's like it's in my chest. It's like, my chest
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: is so freaking tight. I'm like, okay, well, just let's
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: notice that. Can can you breathe through that for me?
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: Can you see if we can get that to calm down,
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: and then we can really figure it out. Because what
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: we know is a disregulated person cannot learn. A disregulated
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: person will never be rational. So if we need a
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: rational solution, how can she get there if she's justsregulated? Right?
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: We know that is a that is such a well
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: validated finding in psychology that you fear nervous system is disregulated,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: you cannot learn, Which is why I love my hybrid
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: group because das get disregulated in one on one coaching
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: or in couples coaching, and the group is a place
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: where their nervous system can handle it and they can
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: actually learn the stuff and actually change. So I love
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: my group anyway anyway, And so I'm like, so you know,
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: we calm down, right, it's why that's why I get
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: it gets results. So it's like, okay, let's calm down,
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: all right, you're calm right, you feeling calm? Is it
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: out of your chest? Okay? Cool? So what kind of
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: boundary do you think you need to set? Well, I've
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: told her not to do it, and she doesn't listen. Okay,
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: so clearly telling her doesn't listen. Right, So what step
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: do you have to take to protect yourself? Well, I
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: can lock my door, but then that means that like
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: if you knock and I have to get all the
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: way up and go cross room and like let you in,
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: or like you know, or if I forget to lock it,
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: then she comes in, and I'm like, okay, well you know,
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: how how about you know, maybe we put like a
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: keypad or like some like let's do some thing. Let's
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: figure out some way that's more convenient than just like
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: locking your door all the time, right, right, Let's figure
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: out something, right, Or maybe we put a sign on
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: the door that reminds her that she has to knock
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: and then let me be the parent, and I'll give
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: her the consequence if she doesn't respect the sign. So
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: I help her feel like, figure out what the appropriate
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: boundary would be. And she's still a kid, so so
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: allowing me to take take the power of being the
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: parent over my younger child is not making her the
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: parent right at that point. So I'm not parentifying her
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: by saying, no, you only have to deal with your sister.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: If you've tried, I'll help you know. When you've tried
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: and you've tried, and you've tried and somebody's still trampling
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: your boundaries, then I'll step in, right, but I'm gonna
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: let you try first.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: But you did a lot of things there. You helped
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: her not catastrophize it. Yeah, you helped her not be
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: the victim, yep. And you gave her a solution.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: So it's like and that which makes her feel like, Okay,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: well maybe it's not as bad as I think it is, right, Yeah,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: which is really what we should be doing with our children,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: and saying, hey, not everything is this life altering event
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: where you are like everything's terrible or that you're this victim,
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: you know, because I feel like, specifically you know, with
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: my son's generation, they.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Victims. They're gonna come at me again the tiniest thing.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe not all of them.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: But it is a mentality generation.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: The tiniest thing can happen, and it's like like somebody
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: just like stole their puppy dog or something like, it's
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: not that big of a deal, right, you know, Like
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, John Paul was talking to me last night
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: about something Jess's mom said to her when he dropped
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: her off, and I'm like, so like he was like, well,
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: she yelled at her and like because she didn't throw
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: a box away. And I'm like, well, then I guess
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: she needs to throw the box away. Yeah, I mean,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know, like that's called that's called taking initiative.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: When you see a need, Oh that box probably needs
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: to be thrown away, I'm gonna throw it away.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: So I think that we can be effective parents without
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: and create grit and create resiliency through teaching regulation. Yeah,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: regulation is what makes people resilient. Teaching people to stuff
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: down there and suppress their feelings, right, is what we
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: unfortunately have in previous generations taught as regulation and grit right,
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: and those people end up with a host of problems, right, right,
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: So let's treat true nervous system regulation and teach people
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: how to calm themselves down, how to set appropriate boundaries,
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: and then move on.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, which I think the example you gave was the
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: perfect kind of breakdown of it. So I think I
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: think this is a good segue for the next one
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: because it's kind of on the flip side. Having needs
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: does not make you codependent.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's appropriate to have needs. Yeah, and you should
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: stand up for your needs.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: And there's this real mentality that if I have to
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: ask for it doesn't count. With certain attachment styles, you're
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: probably gonna have to ask where he needs to be met.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: And if you're somebody who that deeply hurts, like if
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: you're fearful avoidant, that's going to hurt you to have
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: to ask for you needs to be mad. I get that.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: Then maybe dating or being with a dismissive avoidance isn't
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: a good idea, right. Codependency in a nutshell is I'm
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: not okay if you're not okay.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And this is a big topic that you know,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: John Paul. I'm trying to teach John Paul right now
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: because he's young, he's in love. You know, those first
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: loves are difficult to navigate.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: You both have the tickle on the throat and so
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: you know, and you know because the love is so
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: new and you don't know how to navigate it.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: There is this big level of codependency that I see
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: with with him and Jessica right now, and part of me,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: I just keep trying to plant the seeds, right, I'm like, Okay,
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: this is what happens when you're codependent, right, You lose
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: this sense of self and then if something happens to
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: the relationship, then you no longer really know who you
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: are outside of that person. And I'm just trying to
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: it's not totally getting through just yet. And I'm just like,
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: you know, I mean, Josh, you'll say things and I'm like, babe,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: they're just gonna have to learn the hard way, you know.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, when it comes to love, it's kind of
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: got blinders on. And but I mean it's.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Changing the thing that makes you grow, I know.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: And it's as a mother, it is so hard to watch.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: But the you know, what I'm trying to explain to
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: him is that with codependency, yes, they're not breaking up
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: every other weekend. But with codependency to the level that
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: they are exerting it is there's also this level of
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: toxicity there, right, But to this specific top point which
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: we're trying to make, which is having needs does not
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: make you codependent. The difference is just saying is stating
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: them right right, and then not being afraid of what
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: that person is going to do because you just stated
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: them right, which is another thing that I'm trying to
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: describe and explain to John Paul. You and Jessica have
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: to be able to tell each other no and be
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: okay saying it and accepting it absolutely. So the next
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: one disagreement is not gaslighting.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so everybody is entitled to their own reality, and
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: you not being able to tolerate someone else's reality doesn't
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: mean you're being gas lit. It means that that person
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: has a different pass than you, a different set of wounds,
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: a different lens, their brain, paid attention to different parts
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: of the situation, and they experience something differently. Right now,
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: if your partner is always coming out of left field
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: and you can never understand them, then you might be
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: with a very unhealthy person, which you are not entitled to.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Rip somebody out of their reality.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Well, and disagreements and intimate relationships are healthy, absolutely, you
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: know they if they're handled properly. Right, So, if you're
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: able to do all the things that doctor Hansley teaches
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: in our group, which is first and foremost regulating your
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: nervous system and being able to sit down and actually
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: have a discussion and a conversation around why the disagreement
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: is happening.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: Right, So, and it should really look like, Okay, my
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: experiences and feelings are this, Your experiences and feelings are that,
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: And that's okay, right, that they're different. But how do
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: we move forward in a way that feels good to
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: both of us and maybe prevents this misunderstanding again? Right?
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: But people can't do that. They get stuck in no
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: I'm right, No, I'm right, No, I'm right, No, I'm right,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: And you must absolutely agree with my perspective and have
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: my reality. Girls, we can't.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Move forward, which is gaslighting.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, it.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Is, yeah, yeah, but not every disagreement. And then I
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: think this is a big one to which is conflict
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: is not all conflict is abuse? No, yeah, And I
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: mean some of these are pretty black and white and
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: self explanatory, right.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, so if you're in a really heated discussion,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: it's normal for your voice to elevate a little bit.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: That's different than somebody screaming you at you. Right, And
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: you know I have my husband and I both have
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: very very strong boundaries around disrespect or in conflict because
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: we've both been in seriously abusive relationships. Right, you know
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: one of Gosh, I can't reveal too much, Okay, I'm
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: just gonna say we've both been in in very abusive
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: relationships in the past. Things we will not tolerate yelling, cursing,
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: physical aggression, or intimidation, somebody leaving abruptly without saying hey,
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: I need a break and I will be back and
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: giving reassurance because that is okay. Yeah, that's okay for
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: somebody to say, hey, I'm feel really overwhelmed and I
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: need a little break, but I want you to know
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: I'm coming back at this time. Right, And but just
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: being like I'm done, No, that's yeah, it is neglect
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: and that's not okay.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Abuse.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, threatening divorce, that's not okay.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: That's a big one.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: If you are really wanting to get a divorce, that
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: is something that you should have been thinking about for
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: six plus months. Yeah, and be prepared to deliver that
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: in a way that is going to protect the dignity
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: of your partner.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Right where it's not just this emotional.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Knee jerk reaction. So, those are the things we do
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: not tolerate.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: And those are the things that are all abuse.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, those are things that are abuse, Right, Somebody disagreeing
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: with you, Somebody raising their voice a little bit because
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: they're heated, Somebody saying making a point, making a point,
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: you know, somebody saying I disagree with you. You're you know,
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: I think fundamentally, that's like, that's not.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Fair, right, that's not abuse.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: No, it's not. I've known abuse. And speaking of abuse,
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: I actually want to have a little segue because I've
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: been wanting to talk about this on this podcast and
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: I keep forgetting to say, we need to talk about this. Yeah,
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: that movie It ends with us. You watched it. You
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: went with another friend that we know, and you guys boohooed.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: I had zero reaction to them.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Interesting none.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: I actually went, are you freaking serious?
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: That's an abusive relationship? Really, yeah, I mean I'm not
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: saying that the physical abuse that she experienced in that
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: movie wasn't bad, But where in the hell was all
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: the emotional manipulation in between?
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now I didn't see that. And listen, I feel
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: like it was the way that it was filmed, Like
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: it was filmed from her perspective of not realizing that
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: like it was abuse. So like even the physical abuse
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: they show, oh, looks like accidents. But I think really,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: in the truth of it, it was happening differently. It
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: was just being told from her perspective right now, the
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: emotional I mean, they kind of left all that out.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Is not a an accurate description or accurate portrayal at
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: all of what abusive relationships look like. Yeah, physical abuse
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: usually comes in as sort of the end result of
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: years of emotional abuse and manipulation because you've learned to
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: tolerate the emotional abuse, so then they escalate to the physical. Right,
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: it doesn't just like I have a dream guy in
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: between the times that he feels something at my face.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Right right, I just went, are you freaking? Like?
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: It didn't make me cry, It didn't give me any
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: internal reaction because to me, it was such fantasy and
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: such fakery. I don't know if that's even a freaking word.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: But I was like, that is not what that looks like.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Like one time I was locked in a laundry room
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: for five hours with my children running around.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think they really did do a good
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: job of like.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: Going into and then I was told it was my fault. Yeah,
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: that I deserved it.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that is abuse. And I mean I do think
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: he sort of loved bombed or at the beginning though
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: a little bit, and he did like he did come
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: off sort of as like this really like egotistical, like
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: you know, I'll never settle down, which sometimes like narcissists
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: will do, right, they'll be like you can't have me
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: because I'll never settle down. And then it was just
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: like this, oh but you got me, right. It was
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: this game of like now you got me.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: There wasn't like the verbal degradation.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: No, But but I still think that, you know, abuse,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: physical abuse can exist in certain circumstances with that without
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: the other.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah. See I don't I've never seen it.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I've never seen it either. But it doesn't mean it
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: doesn't exist. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: We're just gonna have to disagree on this, Like I
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: would say, because I could, I could think that, like,
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: if you were in that circumstance where you did have
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: this dream man in between, maybe the physical outburst where
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: he does, like maybe lay his hands on.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: You, that's what makes it so hard, That's what makes
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: it so difficult to leave.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would just I wouldn't be willing to say it.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: It doesn't exist at all, but I would say it's
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: not the norm.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it's definitely not the norm. I do agree
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: with that.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: I would have liked to see a lot more manipulation
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: in that movie to educate people about how the manipulation
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: part of it, Yeah, makes it so hard to leave.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: And I'm just like she said, she was getting a
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: divorce while he's holding her baby.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was a little much.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: Like anybody that has ever been in an abusive relationship.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: Would you ever tell that man you're leaving when he's
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: holding the baby. No?
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: No, some of it was a little like outlandish, right,
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: some of it was very like hollywoodish.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: I gave it, And I love Blake Lively and I
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: think she did a fantastic job. I think she's a
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: fantastic act.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: And the casting for the young girl was spot on.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: Like they even looked alike. They did, but Gosha and
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: the actor, he's dreaming. I'm sorry, sorry, Josh is dreaming?
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Really? I was like, oh, yeah.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: See, I don't know, I don't know. There's something about
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: like his very like almost those sharp features and like
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: he's just a dream Anyway, it's not what this it's about,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: but we I mean, it is about abuse.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: But yeah, the ie. Sorry I went off on a tangent,
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: but because I've been wanting to talk about that and
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: I just looked at each other because.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Now we're like, we disagree.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: You know what, effet, his previous marriage was terrible abusive, Yeah,
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: horribly abusive.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: You're allowed to say that, Okay.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean know, you know, she it's only defamation
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: if it ain't true.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: All right, Okay, that's right.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: And so and that is this huge thing we bonded
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: over like when we first met, like we had come
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: out of abusive marriages. We had been on this really
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: long healing journey, and you know, we looked at each
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: other after that movie and we went, that is so
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: not realistic.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I agree, it's really not. I mean it
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: for the norm it's probably not. Yeah. Any who, moving on,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: moving on, so because we actually do know what real
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: looks like. But you know, and I mean.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: And I had physical abuse in my relationship, in my marriage,
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: I was physically abused. In fact, my ex.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Never really laid his hands on me. I mean he
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: did at time sort of to you know, we don't
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: have to get into all that, but he he came
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: really close.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Emotions.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know you did, you had you had all
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: of the above.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's what makes me so mad right now
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: with you know, I'll reveal some things. There's family members
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: of my ex husband who really hate my platform, and
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: it has been a it was a very very difficult
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: decision whether or not to be honest, especially because my
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: ex husband is dead about the abuse that I endured.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: But would you want a football coach who had never
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: played football. No, I want to tell people, Man, I've
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: been there.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I know. Yeah, it makes you that it's
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: hard to get out, Yeah, it makes you that much
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: more credible.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: And I pulled myself out of the depths of hell
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: and I healed from the trauma and the damage that
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: that did to me. And how can I talk about
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: that if I don't, if I am not honest? About
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: what happened to me, And I know, I know that
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: that hurts his family. And if you know who you are,
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: and if you are listening to this, which you probably aren't,
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: but if you are, I'm sorry for that.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, And I think I'm sorry.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: I know it hurts your heart. But the fact that
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: he died doesn't undo what he did and how it
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: affected me and how it affected my family, my girls,
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: my mother, my poor mother. I think it gave my
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: mother cancer. Yeah, I honestly think the stress that that
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: man put me through, and the times that my mom
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: had to rescue me, go to hotels rooms with me
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: because he was beating on me, you know, like and
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: stay overnight. I mean the amount of times I was
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: kidnapped in my own home, the amount of times I
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: had my devices taken from me, my credit card's taken
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: from me, the amount of control, the amount of manipulation,
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: the amount of cheating, the amount of physical abuse. It
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: was absolute, the depths of hell. And I am so
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: sorry to his family members that hate hearing that and
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: that have amnesia because they witnessed it with their own
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: eyes too. Plenty of times.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: It's so difficult, I think for family. I have a
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: story to acknowledge the truth. Yeah, when it comes to
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: you know, the person that they love. But something recently
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: happened to me that was I don't even think I've
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: had a chance to tell you this because we haven't
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: seen each other. It was so validating and so healing,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: and it just happened this past week jump Paul. And again,
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I want to be careful what I say because I know,
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: like my ex's family members are my son's family, and
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: that's why it's so hard, right, Yeah, it's so hard.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: So oh my, I think if.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: My oldest daughter wants no relationship with them, yeah, that's
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: sad and it is. And but I respect her boundary
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: because they have gaslighted her to the point of where
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: I have taught her such strong boundaries and their story
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: is I put all this in her head. No, she
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: witnessed it. Yeah, yeah, she was eight and nine years
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: old exactly, and and so she witnessed it. So I'm
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: not going to gas like my own daughter. And I'm like,
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: you know what, none of that happened.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Right when you know it did, and she knows it did.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: But I think, but I think it shows your level
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: of compassion and understanding to say, hey, I'm sorry that
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: this hurts, this sorry that it hurts to hear.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: And it was a fine line and it was a
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: decision that was hard to make.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: It's hard. And you know, and listen, whether they never,
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: whether my ex's family or whether your ex's family never
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: listened to any of these episodes. In the event that
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: they do, we want to extend our compassion and understanding
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: of why you may feel this way, okay about someone
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: you love.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: It doesn't mean I still don't hurt and grieve for him.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: I do, right, Oh, I know you do.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: I know you do.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: And not from I'm still in love with you place,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: no from you were a human being and I wanted
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: so much for you. You were in such pain and
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: your girl, your children have turned out amazing despite all
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: of it. They turned out amazing.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think it's and that's what's something that
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: happened to me this past week was, you know, John
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Paul came home from going out to eat with his
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: grandparents and listen, I A lot of forgiveness has had
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: to take place with my ex's parents for you know,
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: multiple reasons. But John Paul told me that as they
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: were leaving dinner. He was complaining, he was saying something
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: about his dad. His dad wouldn't let him talk at dinner,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: but you know whatever. But as they were leaving dinner,
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: his grandmother, who you know, at the time of when
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: my ex and I were going through a cussoy battle,
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: I don't think no matter what I'd said. I mean,
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: I looked at that woman straight in the face, and
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I gave birth to him, and y'all have
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: taken him away from me. Do you know what that
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: feels like as a mother? Like, even when I still
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: say those words, it gets me choked up. And I
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: knew deep in her heart that she was hurting, right,
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: but she still defended her son, right, she still defended
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: her son, and she defended him, and she defended him
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: and she defended him. And they've all defended him and
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: they've all given him passes for all these years.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: And honestly, that's how narcissism developed.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Yea, all these years they've given him passes. But this
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: is what John Paul came home and told me the night. Hallylujah.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's just praise God because it truly was
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: such a healing moment. He came home, was complaining about
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: his dad and not being able to talk, kept talking
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: over him. They walk outside. He says that Grahams puts
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: her arm around him and says, sweetheart, I'm really sorry
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: that your dad hasn't always been the role model that
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: you needed out of a man in your life. But
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: I am so glad that you have your grandfathers and.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: Josh, oh wow, I know.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: And I was like, she really said that.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I mean I even like, I'm like, she really said that.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: He was like yeah, and I'm like, And the reason
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: why that validates me is because I chose that partner.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: I chose that partner that she doesn't really know on
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: a personal level, but that she can see. She can
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: see that he's a good role model for her grandson
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: and she acknowledged it. And that's not taking anything away
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: from her son. So I mean, in case anybody does
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: listen to this, but it's just it's validating for me.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: I did. I mean, I feel like I've done a
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: lot of things right as a mom, but I chose
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: a good partner. I chose a good partner for my
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: son to have somebody to look up to. And man,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: it was just like because his dad has never validated me.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: It felt so good to feel like, oh my gosh,
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: even if it wasn't to my face, because she would
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: probably never do it to my face, but she validated
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: that to my son, and that is huge. It was huge.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: Unfortunately, my ex's family is not so much so much.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Not so much.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: They they have never, as far as I know, ever
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: said anything bad about Donald because literally, he's the perfect.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: You can't say anything about Donald.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: There is nothing like I've never how do I say
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: this without sounding phony? He's literally almost a perfect human being.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: It's not phony.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: I mean you should. I'm going to adopt my children
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: to agree. They want him to. They want him to adopt.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: And actually, before the crime was committed against my family
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: that I can't really give details about, we were getting
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: ready to proceed with the adoption. But now that we
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: have a lot of legal stuff as an aftermath of
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: that crime that was committed against my family, because it
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: was a crime that was committed against my family, targeted
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: at our children, which is sick and twisted and manipulative,
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: and gosh, I want to talk about.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: Soft about soon soon.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, Like I don't know. This is
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: like you I don't know if the judges are listening
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: to this podcast. I don't know.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Still be doing this podcast when you know, years from now,
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: so right, and.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: I want to respect my children, especially one of my children. Gosh,
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: it's just so hard. It's hard because I think if
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: people knew that, I would feel so authentic and regular
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: related when I can speak it sure, right, That's what
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: helps regulate me, is like saying that this happened and
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: being able to share.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: And fully say it, fully say it. Yeah, and you will.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: You'll get your chance, you will, absolutely.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Because I don't want to hurt one of my kids.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: That's it, you.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: Know, well, that's true. I mean maybe you never just
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: divulge that part. So, but I want to stay on
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: topic and make sure that we we get through these
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: so the next one is a good one too. Taking
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: offense is not does not always mean being triggered.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I have tried my best, and I
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: think I'm pretty dang good of being unoffendable. Yeah, you
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: are literally a crime at to be committed against my
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: family before I got a finished.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: The only time I get offended is when stupid people
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: like say mean things to you on social media and
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: I don't care.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: I don't even care about that.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: I do. I'm like that you say, she said she
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: sent me a TikTok the other day and it was
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: like this woman in the background, Like when my best
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: friend when when somebody says the about me on social
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: media and it's this woman like going off in the background.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm like, that's me.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: I know, I know. It's like I have to hold
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: my tongue. I'm the professional. I preach self regulation. I'm
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: going to remain regulated. I I truly feel like to
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: some degree, I'm emotionally bulletproof. It's very, very hard to
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: offend me. Yeah, it's extremely hard to offend me. And
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: I think that's because I've learned that people operate out
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: of their own wounds and their own triggers. People treat
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: you to the degree that in any given moment, they
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: can handle their own deals.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: I've always said attachment security is literally when you become unoffendable.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you just depersonalize it, right, I'm not going to
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: over personalize some Yahoo as my dad would say on
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: TikTok that thinks that what I had to say was dumb, right, Well, fine,
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: move on, Thanks for you know, what your comment boots
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: the algorithms, right, thanks?
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know that's fine, and it's it is something
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: that you know, I struggle with when it comes to
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: people I love. Yeah, but I think that I've done
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: a pretty good job at it too. I've just been
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: like it, you know.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: So, do we want to talk about what a trigger
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: really is?
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: A trigger is when you have created a neural pathway
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: in your brain around a really negative experience that was
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: not because it was so deeply painful your brain was
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: not able to fully process it. And then there's an
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: event where that happens, where that neural pathway gets activated
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: and it brings your nervous system into a state of trauma,
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: responding because it feels like it's right back in that
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: same situation. Right. That is a trigger that is not
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: being offended and in the environment that we have right
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: now politically, y'all need to stop.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: I need to calm down. Calm which actually to the
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: other this next one, which gosh, we could probably spend
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: a whole lot of time on, and we probably have
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: to be careful to not go too deep down the
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: rabbit hole. But everything does not need to be normalized. No, gosh,
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: See This is a big one because a.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: Normal lot something can be very normal, but also not
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: like normal as in common doesn't mean normal as in healthy.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: Right, right, And I feel like in our society today,
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: everybody wants to be super woke and think that everything
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: is normal and everything is okay and everything is kosher,
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: you know, even if you want to be like a
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: furry animal. You know, I mean, those sorts of things
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: cannot be normalized because it I don't want to get
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: to like again, this is what I want to be
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: careful about. I don't want to go down the rabbit hole.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: But I mean again, it's like who okay, if we
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: offend somebody about what we say.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: I know, you know, hard because because you know, without
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: revealing totally my political views again I've mentioned it, I
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: don't fit perfectly on the right or the left. I
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: don't know either. And that's what makes it hard, is
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: because I'm just like not.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: And I think that's the majority of I think that's a.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: Good thing because I think that that means that, like,
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: I care about certain issues, right, I know the people
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: that will just like always go and pull the lever
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: for one side of the aisle, and that's not me.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: Me neither and so, and that hasn't been my voting history,
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: and that hasn't you know, that's not who I am. So,
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: But there are things in this world, without getting specific,
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: that used to be mental illnesses that should still be
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: mental illnesses and should not be normalized. For example, for example,
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: identifying as an animal is not normal. Identifying as a
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: non human is not normal.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: That is not that is living in a fantasy that
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: is not sustainable for your life.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: Right, And it's mental I agree, it's mental illness.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: It is mental illness.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And we won't go too far on that one.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: So we're just gonna move on because we could go
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: too far and then we could offend to people.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: Right. And you know, I I believe in love. I
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: believe in loving people.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: I do too, and not and and living your life
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: under the premise of like not harming other people.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, yeah, okay, I'll say it. I'm more libertarian,
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: Like I'm truly like I would identify more as a
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: libertarian like you do, you boo boo. And as long
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: as you're not hurting anybody.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: As long as you're just shut up about it, I
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: don't care.
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, I just want to live my life exactly
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: way I want to live it.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: You live like you live it, love who you want
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: to love.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: But the fact that like these things are becoming so
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: popular and normalized, like wear ears in a tail and
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: bark in like a c And my child goes to
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: school with some of these individuals and it's a little
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: bit like it's it's weird, and it makes her uncomfortable
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: because they're taught you can't say anything right, right, Yes,
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: you can't say anything about.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: And that's the fact that they're dressed up like a dog. Right,
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: that's the issue, you know, And like.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't even like I If you want
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: to be identify as something different than you were born with,
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: then okay, I'm not going to go down that rabbit hole.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: I'm again libertarian, Like, live your life how you want
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: to live. What's between me and my God? Right that
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: I don't have to go and stand before God an
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: answer for you. I don't, So you go do whatever
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: you want as long as you're not hurting somebody. That's
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: how I feel it. Yeah, I have to go and
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: be in front of my God someday and answer for
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: my life.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: But I will say a pinion. Wise, the root cause
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: is not the root cause of those things are not
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: being addressed properly.
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: Right, That's right. That also doesn't mean that I don't
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: deeply care about the mental health sure of our children.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: And I think that we have the data now shows
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: that we have the most mentally ill generation, which is
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: the kids that we're raising, And so we have to
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: look and go what did we do? Because we parented
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: them and we know attachment theory says that your caregiving
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: is what creates this. Right, So if we're creating a
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: bunch of extremely mentally ill people, then what are we
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: doing wrong? I mean the rates of suicide of middle
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: schoolers has skyrocketed.
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: Well, I think a lot of it is attributed to
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: broken relationships, Yes, broken marriages. And why is it the
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: family unit is gon?
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: Why is it offensive to say that a nuclear family
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: is best for children if it can be a healthy
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: nuclear family, right, I'm not saying I'm a purple Listen,
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: my divorce was the best thing I ever happened to me.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: But does that mean that there's still not a ton
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: of data to show that nuclear families that are loving
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: and supportive of their children don't contribute to raising mentally
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: healthy individuals. Why is that offensive? I don't know.
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know. This is the topic that Josh I
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: talk about all the time.
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: Why Because the data is the data right, the.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: Science is the science right, and you are a person
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: that will always back up the science. You follow the science,
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: that's right.
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: I follow the science and not just following science. I
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: am all about what is good science and what is
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: freaking junk science? Right? And what is science that is
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: bought and paid for? There's that too, right, So I
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: take bought and paid for science with a grain salt.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I always look out when I read a
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: research study, I'm like, I go to the first thing,
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: I look at the conflict of interest page? What are
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: their conflicts of interest? Who's funding this research? And that
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: tells me a lot about how much weight I should
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: put into the results if I'm like, these people have
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: no stake in the game. Those are my favorite studies
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: to read because I'm like, well, I can kind of
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: trust this data, you know.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good to know it's good. Good. So the
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: last one, which I think is a good way to
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: wrap up, but you're going to have to elaborate, speaking
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: like an hr memo is not self aware.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: And I'm going to be real vulnerable here and say
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: because of what I do, because I'm inherently a teacher,
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: was a professor for fourteen years. You know, I tend
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: to go into teacher mode in my relationship when we're
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: having a conflict. And my husband hates it. Yeah, so
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: he's like, I need you to not be in teacher
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: mode right now, and then I have to take account
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: of it. I say, you know what, You're right, I'm
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: speaking with a little too much authority and a little
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: too emotionless. I'm speaking like I would speak to a client, sure, right,
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: instead of my husband. So he calls me on that,
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: and you know what, when he does, I do my
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: very best to acknowledge. Okay, you know, let me be
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: a little bit more mindful of my tone, vulnerable, let
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: me take a step back.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta have some vulnerability there.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: Right, because I mean to give him some credit. He's
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: married to me, Like, oh I do is critique relationships
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: a relationship behavior that's a high damn standard deliver up
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: to that, is right? Yeah, And so people have to
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: understand in your communication with your partner when your nerve again,
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: this is why we do capacity building. When you are dysregulated,
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: you lose your mindfulness, so mindfulness and awareness of the present,
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: which means I'm aware of my tone, I'm aware of
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: my body language. I'm aware of the words that I'm choosing.
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: That comes from the prefrontal cortex. That's an executive function skill.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: When we're disregulated, we lose our executive function skills and
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: we go into survival mode skills, which is the emotional brain,
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: which our trauma responses, which means that we're you know,
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: we're allowing our voices to get elevated or we're not
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: mindful of our tone. And even though I'm trying to
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: be mindful of my tone, I think mine is just habitual, right, like,
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: because I just talked to people all day at a
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: law right. So then when he points it out to me,
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: I again, I have to practice what I preach, have
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: to take accountability. You're right, I sound like an HR
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: memo right now, right right? And you know that's off putting,
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah it is.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And again I feel like it doesn't give away
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: to this sense of vulnerability, right and being vulnerable is
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: self awareness, like it is I'm vulnerable enough in this
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: moment to be fully self aware of how I'm approaching
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: and maybe communicating with this situation. Right, So I hope
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: we went through.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: All of them.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: We went through all of them, hopefully.
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: We do hate psychology, and I hate, I want to
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: say hate. I very strongly dislike all of you coaches
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: out there that are just YouTube in your way through
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: your practice. You're doing people an incredible disservice. And I
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: know that you're jumping on a bandwagon that can be
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: very lucrative, and I get that, but please be careful.
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: You're handling people's hearts, you're handling people's lives, and you're
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: handling their marriages, and they're there's often children at playing there.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: You have to be very well educated, very knowledgeable, and
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: very careful of what you're doing when you're handling people.
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: And so not everybody needs to go out there and
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: be a coach just because you have some life experience.
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: You're an end of one. That's what we call the
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: scientific community. You are one individual with one experience, and
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: there are a lot of coaches out there that are
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: just absolutely their entire practice is just driven from this
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: one experience. In the philosophy practice, I don't know, I
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: just know that. And if you're a consumer, before you
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: book with somebody, research them, read about their credentials. Right,
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: what if they've done with their lives, what if they trained,
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: what's their degree in you know, if their degrees in
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: HR and they're trying to be a psychologist, it's probably
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: not a good pick because they're probably coming from what
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: we call this armchair psychological you know, place where it's
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: like you're an armchair side cologists. You're just somebody who's
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: like playing the role, but you didn't have the training.
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: And psychology is a very wide discipline as well, so
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm not a clinical psychologist. That's why I
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: don't call myself a therapist. That's why I don't practice therapy.
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: Therapy is different, and I don't diagnose. I don't diagnose.
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: Attachment isn't a diagnosis, right.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: And of course you say that, you know, not to
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: speak for you, but you say that to not discourage
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: people to you know, book or seek out whatever resource
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: that resonates or aligns with you. Right, I mean, that's
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: really what it's about. But I think it's important to
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: really do your research.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of people selling snake oil and with that,
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: I will also say if somebody DMS you from my
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: account asking for a psychic read or pretending to be me,
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: the only way you can book with me is to
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: go to my website. That's the only way. You can't
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: book with me over a message. You can't book with
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: me by you know, any other means but my website.
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: And so I've had people unfortunately, have been very very
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: scammed because there's a lot of people impersonating me.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: And unfortunately there's not much we can do. But we
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: can't do and I can't get it.
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: I can't. I've, I've filed copyright infringements. I've I've you know,
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: it's been reported so many times and the person or
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: people responsible will not stop. That's right, and I can't
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: control it. Yeah, so just be very aware you know
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: of who's asking you for money. Yeah, I'm never ever
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: going to ask you for money.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: We will never spam and I'll never.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: Need for services, and then you have to pay for
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  Speaker 2: the services to be in my website.
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  Speaker 1: Right, we will never spam you for money. If you
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  Speaker 1: reach out to us and have questions, we will answer
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  Speaker 1: them truthfully, honestly. But if we never right, but we
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  Speaker 1: will never if we can. Yeah, there's a lot of
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  Speaker 1: messages to get to but we will never just reach
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  Speaker 1: That that's not ourselves.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not hurting for clients, so I'm not seeking you out.
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  Speaker 2: I'd have to seek me out.
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  Speaker 1: That's not our sales tactic. We don't believe in that.
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  Speaker 1: podcast sent you. And while you're online, also go to
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  Speaker 1: the Dating Dycoder dot com and check out doctor Hensley's services.
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  Speaker 1: All of her services are listed there, specifically her Hybrid
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  Speaker 1: the questions and really be a part of a community
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  Speaker 1: that is possibly going through some of the same things
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  Speaker 1: that you're going through, and you can be anonymous in
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't know that you can be completely anonymous
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  Speaker 2: in the group. So option if like, oh my gosh,
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  Speaker 2: I don't want people to know I'm in this group
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  Speaker 2: getting help, right, there's like you can be.
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  Speaker 1: One literally anonymous, be batman like you're not even there.
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  Speaker 1: Uh So anyway, go to the dating dakoder dot com.
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  Speaker 1: Check out her services, and of course, if you are
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: loving this content, please continue to like, follow, listen, leave
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: a review, and please feel free. I really really, we
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: really want to hear from you.
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: Please.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: You can reach out to us at the Loved Podcast
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Feel free to ask us a question,
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: give us a topic. We want to hear from our listen, and.
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: We want to do maybe a live coaching session.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: So if you are someone who's like, okay, well, you know,
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  Speaker 2: I can't really afford your services, but like, I really
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  Speaker 2: want to talk to you, so we try to make
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  Speaker 2: it affordable. We have payment plans and whatnot, but you know,
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: send us an email. Yes, you might be chosen to
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: be a guest and we will I will coach you.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that that's I think that would make
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: for really some really great episodes. Maybe like once a
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: month we do a guest. Maybe once a month we
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: do a live coaching session. Yeah, so please, if that
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: sounds like something you would be interested in, please write
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: to us at The Love dot Podcast at gmail dot com.
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: And until next time, peace, love, and perspective