Latest / High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm / Your Spouse Was Never Meant to Carry Your Soul

Transcript

Your Spouse Was Never Meant to Carry Your Soul · High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the High Level Wife Podcast.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I am Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and here we do Marriage God's Way.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you might hear the girls in the basement singing right now.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that is what it is.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And uh you're welcome, I guess.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: But we're continuing our series about um really submission, but ultimately to God and how that overflows into our marriage.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna start by asking you a hard question today.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is it possible that you're asking your spouse to do something only God can do?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: We say we want intimacy, but many times what we're really asking for is salvation.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: We want our spouse to make us feel secure and chosen, worthy enough, whole.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And the and that's where God lovingly says, that place belongs to me.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Think of Abraham, right?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: God had promised Abraham that the generations from him, from his his line would outnumber the stars.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so then when Abraham had Isaac, right?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like God knew Abraham's heart that it was getting to the point of idolatry.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so what did God ask him to do?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: God asked him to take that gift and to put it on the altar of sacrifice.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: God knew that he would provide another way, but what he was doing was he was testing Abraham's heart, not for his sake, but for Abraham to understand that nothing and no one can be on the throne of God in our lives, because we all worship something, right?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Every human heart was created to worship.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: The question has never been if you'll worship.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: The question is what you'll look to for life.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Israel made golden calves, and today we often make emotional golden calves or marriage or romance or sex or being understood or pursued or desired, right?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And and none of those are bad things, but they become dangerous when they replace God.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Good gifts can become crushing gods.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Marriage is a gift, and your husband is a gift, your wife is a gift, intimacy is a gift, but gifts were never meant to sit on the throne because when they do, we begin demanding instead of delighting.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And we cannot worship the creatures, the created, in place of the creator.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: They will always leave us high and dry and wanting more and unsatisfied.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's why our pursuit of God has to be first and foremost.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all of these other things will be added unto you.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Are you seeking the presence of the Lord?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Do you understand yet, dear listener, what that means?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: A couple books I recommend you go read.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And we're actually the next series after this is going to lean into these two books because I've read and finished these books recently and they've just blown my mind.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: The first is Jim Cimbala's uh Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire, and the other is A.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: W.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Tozer's The Pursuit of God.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: They're easy, quick reads, but wow, they are powerful.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to challenge you to listen to your own prayers because a lot of times you may be saying, if he would just, or if she would finally, once my marriage is better, then I'll have peace.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or have we unknowingly attached our peace to another sinner?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus already said, My peace I give to you, not my spouse gives to you, or I give you your spouse to give you peace.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't say any of that.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: He said, My peace I give to you.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Come to me, all you who are weary.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say, Come to your spouse or bring your spouse or drag your spouse in, and I'll make him give you peace.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, how often, though, are we dragging our husband spiritually before the throne of God, saying, God, change him to give me peace.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oof.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Psalm 73 says, I have desired you.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: As for me, the nearness of God is my good.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: David didn't say the nearness of my wife, or in his case, wives.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't say the nearness of his success or his comfort.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: It was the nearness of God.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And David was described as a man after God's own heart.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing: you don't need to show up a certain way for God to use you.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: God made you specifically for how He already has put into plan how he wants to use you.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because He created your heart, and God will get behind and use those who are embodying David's man after God's own heart.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: God is looking for people like that.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we need to understand that we love people best when we need them the least.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that sounds strange, right?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds kind of harsh, but if you think about it, if I need Zach to constantly prove my worth, I'm not loving him.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm consuming him.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm asking him to feed something only Christ can satisfy.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And real love isn't consumption, it's communion.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: There are there are so many that are going to get to heaven and be so uncomfortable.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if they get that far, I'm not God, I don't sit on the judgment seat.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: But but like for those of us who pursue God and seek Him earnestly, heaven is a culmination of that and the pinnacle of that, of being fully in his presence without all of the sin and yuck of this world.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to be, oh, glorious day.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: But there are so many that are following the Lord in this counterfeit way of I go to church, I grew up in church, I know all the things, I do all the things, I serve, I give, I yada, yada, yada.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: But they don't actually know God because they're about consuming him, not about loving and having communion with him, not taking communion, but actually communing with the Father.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: John 15, Jesus says, Remain in me, abide in me, apart from me.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: You can do nothing.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Notice he doesn't tell husbands to remain in your wife, and he doesn't tell wives to remain in your husband.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: For anybody and everybody, whether you have a wife or not, or you are a wife or not, or you have a husband or not, or whatever.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: It says, Remain in Christ.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is for all believers, all people that would come to him, because when you're connected to the vine, love becomes the fruit, not force.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does actual freedom look like?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine waking up tomorrow already secure, already chosen, already delighted in, already fully loved by your father.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when your husband forgets something, you don't unravel.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: When your wife has a hard day, you don't take it personally.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: When an old existing hurtful pattern starts to rear its ugly head, you're able to stand rooted and grounded in the love of Christ.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because your foundation didn't move.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Christ is still holding your heart.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: You are rooted and grounded in the love of Christ.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: He is your anchor.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: You are unshakable, immovable.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: And marriage becomes a delight instead of a demand, right?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is the beauty of right order.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's I don't need my husband to become Jesus.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I actually get to enjoy him as the gift God gave me.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need my wife to heal every wound.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: I get to love her as a daughter of God entrusted to my care.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: That is freedom.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that is the overflow that we get when we are connected to the source because we have that right order.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself, where do I go first when I'm empty?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know so many of you, and this was my case too, that I needed to escape my life and my relationships and my responsibilities to just go shop.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: That was my idol.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I sought rest.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: I left emptier, right?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was always fleeting and usually came with back end regret.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, where do you go first when you're empty?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: What disappointment reveals what you've been depending on?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the most recent disappointment that you've experienced.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: What did it reveal that you were depending on?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Have you confused God's gift with God's place?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Is there a gift that is sitting on the throne?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Is there a gift you need to place on the altar saying, God, I want you?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: There is nothing I desire besides you in this world, Lord.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: What is that?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: What is that gift?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Am I delighting in my spouse?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Or are you depending on them?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is your joy and happiness and ability to stay rooted and grounded?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is that dependent on how your husband leads you or not?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is it shaken by how he doesn't lead you?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Is it shaken by his old patterns and responses?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: What if he gives you a harsh word?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Are you rooted?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or does that totally shake you to your core?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, Christian wife, Christian husband that is listening.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Your spouse was never designed to carry your soul.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Only Jesus can.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the more you ask your spouse to become your source, the more exhausted your marriage becomes, right?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: You've got husbands that can't stop thinking about their wives and how they've been rejected by them and how they just want them to want them.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exhausting.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And we have wives that are continually focused on their husbands and how they're falling short of being the leader of their family and how they're falling short.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And they're proclaiming you aren't enough, which is actually true.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Only Jesus is enough and allows us to be enough in him.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: But the more Christ becomes your source, you actually are freer to become love without demanding, to pursue without fear, to forgive without keeping score and to delight without making marriage your God.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: In the next episode, we're going to bring this entire series together.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to answer the question that we started with who goes first.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or was that ever the right question?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because once Christ truly has your heart, you'll realize love has already gone first.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let's bring in some of these money lines.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm liking these.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm liking these.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: So get out your pen.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Take some notes.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Your spouse was never designed to carry your soul.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: The people we love become idols when we ask them to do what only God can do.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Your love or you love your spouse best when you stop asking them to be your source.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: The strongest marriages are built by two people whose deepest needs are already being met by Christ.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: When Christ is your source, your spouse becomes a gift to enjoy instead of a God to depend on that will continually, time after time, let you down and fall short.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: I will see you on the next episode.