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25 Midlife Truths: The Symptoms No One Warned You About · The Diva Details

0:00
Welcome to the Diva Details.
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Welcome to the Diva Details, where bold,
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confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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From love and sex to wellness and reinvention,
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we keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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No filters, no limits, just fearless conversations
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to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva
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Mia. Hello,
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this is Diva Mia, and today we're going to talk about 25
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midlife symptoms. I think it's so important to go
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over and discuss things that happen when you're going through midlife so you don't think
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it's a midlife crisis, or if you are going through a crisis, you have ways
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to, to find help. When we go through crazy hormone
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changes and we really need to know what's going on because nobody really
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tells you this when you're younger. Nobody tells you that some of these changes are
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going to happen and we're not prepared for it. We get warned about hot flashes.
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I think a lot of people talk about hot flashes. Maybe somebody mentions
1:04
that our periods will eventually stop, or apparently that's supposed
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to, you know, cover the entire subject. Then you hit 40 and 50
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and suddenly you're standing in your kitchen wondering, why did I come in here?
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What did I— what was I looking for? Or your shoulder hurts for absolutely no
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reason. You woke up at 3:17 in the morning and you're like, I can't go
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back to sleep. You're sweating, you're peeing all the time, you're freezing,
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you sneeze and you might little pee a little bit. And then your favorite jeans
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fit differently, even though the scale barely moved and you're getting
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a little fluffy, or your skin suddenly wants a completely different
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skincare routine. You're working out the same as you did in your 20s and you're
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not losing any weight. Sex feels completely different. Your patience has apparently
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moved to another state, and there's a decent chance you recently Googled something
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like, can menopause make me feel completely insane? Well, welcome to
1:54
midlife. Today we're about to talk about 25 midlife symptoms that nobody
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warned us about. What's commonly associated with the menopause transition?
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Transition, what may have another explanation entirely,
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and more importantly, what should you actually track?
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Because I don't want women dismissing every symptom as hormones. I think
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a lot of times we do because that's what we're told. We're told, oh,
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it's just your hormones, and your friends will say, oh, it's probably your hormones,
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because nobody knows. I don't want you thinking that something is terribly wrong
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with you either every time something in your body changes,
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because sometimes it is just hormones, or sometimes it's a bodily change.
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The, the goal here is just to provide as much information, and again, this is
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not medical information. You need to talk to your doctor, but this is going
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to give you a little bit of a heads up and maybe point you in
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the right direction because your body is giving you data.
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So you need to start collecting it. And one important thing, you know,
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to point out that we begin is perimenopause and menopause can
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involve sleep problems. And I will tell you, when you have sleep problems,
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it can change everything in your life. You're going to be less, you're going to
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be more moody. You're going to be more tired. You're not going to focus your
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goals. You're going to be delayed on your goals. You're not going to be motivated.
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You're going to say, I don't really feel like it today. And you know,
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when you go through perimenopause and menopause, you can have hot flashes during the day
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and at night. You can have night sweats. You can have mood changes. Your memory
3:13
and concentration may go down. Your joints and muscles may be
3:16
very uncomfortable. And then vaginal symptoms. Let me tell you, dry vaginal
3:20
symptoms. When I had that, it was terrible. And then
3:24
your sexual desire changes and maybe the way you want to have sex changes.
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So that's one of the big things that they don't tell you about. I mean,
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I don't think anybody ever told me that I was going to have vaginal dryness
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until I talked to my doctor about it. So I had no idea what was
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going on. I thought I was just losing my libido, but it was menopause
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symptoms. And once my vaginal dryness was fixed, my, my libido went back
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up. But not every symptom that occurs in your 40s and 50s is caused
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by menopause. So if something is severe, usually persistent or rapidly
3:53
getting worse, you need to talk to a doctor because a lot
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of people just say, oh, I think I'm getting old. My knees hurt and I'm
4:00
getting old. Oh, well, you know what? You now have arthritis there. Maybe there's something
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they can do. Or my boobs are sagging and I feel like I have a
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lump. Go talk to a doctor because there might be something wrong. Because a lot
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of times things, it's not just you getting old. It's sometimes something else going on.
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Let's get to the list. Okay. I made a list of 25 things and
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that we're going to talk about a little bit. And hopefully I can get through
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this very quickly so that you can move on. So I'm going to talk a
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little faster today, but I hope this helps you out because ladies,
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we go through a lot. Some of the men go through the same stuff.
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So if you're a man listening on today, you may be going through some of
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this too. So you may want to listen up or help your partner
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or wife. Number Number 1 is the 3:00 AM wake-up. I will say that's
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an annoying thing to me. I wake up every day around 3:00, 3:10.
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Some days it's like 3:11, 3:11, 3:11 every day.
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Let's start with one of the most aggravating things. So you fall asleep perfectly fine.
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Then suddenly at 3:08 or 3:11 for me, your eyes are wide
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open and you're awake and your brain has decided that it would be an excellent
5:00
time to review your taxes, plan your future children's college,
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maybe create a business plan or review an argument that you had with somebody back
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in 2019, or whether the refrigerator is making a weird noise and
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your brain, it won't stop. You just, your brain goes into mental overdrive.
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Wow. Ladies, I will tell you, this is one of the most aggravating things to
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me. It could be just something that was mentioned the night before. For some
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reason, my brain's processing it. And all of a sudden at 3 o'clock, I want
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to write a business plan. It's an interesting thing. Sleep disruption
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is common during menopause transition, and it's common after menopause as
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well. It doesn't always happen because you're having an obvious hot flash or
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I never had hot flashes. So that was the thing for me, but it was
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always causing my mental brain to go on overdrive. In fact, I'm postmenopausal
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now, and I still have this 3:00 AM wake-up. Fragmented sleep matters
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too. So track this, write down when you go to sleep and then when
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you wake up, I recommend you get a ring of some type or some type
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of tracker that tracks your sleep. So you can see how often you wake up
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during the night, because you might only wake up for a minute and you're not
6:01
going to write that down, ladies. And you don't want to get up and sit
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up and write it down. So whether you're sweating, you're snoring, you have sleep apnea,
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what you— if you're gasping for air and how you feel the following day
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will tell you a lot about how you slept. Because if your Fitbit says you
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were in bed for 8 hours and it's not necessarily the same,
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the same thing as 8 hours of restorative sleep, that's why I like the rings.
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Cause they will tell you when you were in REM sleep, when you were in
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deep sleep, if you had light sleep, et cetera. So that's
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one of the possibilities. Number 2, ladies, we're already up to number 2. So we're
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going to talk about night sweats and night sweats without the dramatic hot flash happens
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where you're just laying in bed and you just start sweating,
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like it's— and it goes on for a while. Everybody knows about hot flashes,
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but sometimes it's not. Sometimes, you know, a hot flash is like
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I'm suddenly feeling I'm on fire, but sometimes you simply wake up with your neck
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damp, your hair is wet, your chest is sweaty, and you kick off
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the covers and then you want to put the covers back on 10 minutes later
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because you're freezing. The night sweats are hot flashes occurring during your sleep, and they
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can interfere with sleep quality. So you need to track this. And a lot
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of times women We could minimize some of our symptoms if we get our hormones
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checked during menopause. A lot of women think they should not get their hormones checked
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until after menopause. And that's not true because there's a lot of
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hormone replacement therapy that can help alleviate some of these symptoms.
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And lack of sleep is a medical condition. It can, it can kill you if
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you don't sleep enough. So try to get yourself checked out. If you're having a
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lot of menopause symptoms or even a few, just get yourself checked out.
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How many nights a week are you sleeping less than 8 hours? How many nights
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a week are you sleeping less than 5? Are you actually soaking your clothes or
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sheets? What time does it happen? And also, were you drinking? Because if you're drinking
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alcohol and then you're sweating at night, that can be a problem too, because your
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body sweats to get the alcohol out because it's a poison or a toxin for
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you. So did you eat a lot of spicy food or is your bed too
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warm? I have a bed that actually heats up in the wintertime because it's a
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water bed. And that can be a problem as well. And then
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do you have stress? And the stress can cause sleep issues as well.
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And it, and your bedroom, the best way to keep your bedroom temperature is
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probably between 65 and 68 degrees is what most people recommend.
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Now, to me, that's a little cold. I like mine at 69,
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but if you find the temperature that works best for you and
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keep it cooler, because people tend to sleep better when it's cooler. And if you're
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going through hot sweats at night, ladies, you may need to keep it in on
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the cooler side. And if you're having true drenching night sweats
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repeatedly, particularly with unexplained weight loss, fever, or other concerning
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symptoms, don't automatically label it menopause because,
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you know, there are some other more serious things that can also cause night sweats.
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Number 3 is brain fog. Oh my gosh. Brain fog was a
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big one for me. This one can scare women because, you know, you walk into
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the kitchen, you're like, what the heck was I looking for? You could see an
8:45
object and sometimes the word left the building. You have no idea what you're trying
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to say. And you're looking at the object, but you can't say what the
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object is. Or you're standing there saying, hand me the blah, blah, blah, you know
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what, the thing, the silver thing. And your child says a fork.
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And you're like, yeah, a fork. Problems with concentration,
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forgetfulness, and word retrieval can occur during the menopause
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transition. So just realize that it's part of menopause and
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you're not going crazy. You may have other issues going on. You may be stressed
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or lack of sleep, but a lot of times that's part of menopause too.
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So don't make the opposite mistake and assume significant memory problems are also menopause,
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because there are things such as early onset dementia. So do get
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things checked out. Talk to your healthcare provider. They can give you advice and let
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you know more for your specific situation. And then track it. When does your brain
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fog happen? Is it always at the same time at 2 o'clock in the afternoon?
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Maybe you're having a sugar crash. Is it after a bad night's sleep or is
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it after a stressful day? Because cortisol will affect it as well.
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When you haven't eaten, sometimes people have more memory issues or it
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might also be a medication thing because a lot of people, they take medication and
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they don't realize those medications affect their, their memory. It is a,
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it, if it's an occasional word finding problem, like I just had stuttered,
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or are you forgetting major appointments? Are you forgetting?
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You needed to get up today because you had an 8 o'clock and it was
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in your calendar. You looked at it the night before, but then you forgot.
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Those are bigger problems. Are you getting lost or struggling with basic
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tasks that you always used to perform and perform well? You need to talk to
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somebody if you are, because that's a very, very different situation.
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All right. We're now to number 4, walking into a room and forgetting why.
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That's another forgetful thing. Midlife can feel like your brain is running a
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scavenger hunt against its So if you're walking upstairs, you arrive, you have
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no clue where you were. You walk back downstairs,
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you remember, then you go back upstairs and congratulations,
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you accidentally increased your step count. But before panicking,
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look at sleep, mental stress, overload,
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medications, and everything else. Because it doesn't mean you have Alzheimer's
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or early onset dementia. It just may mean you're exhausted and that happens
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a lot and your brain can only take so much. And I will say a
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lack of sleep for me is a guarantee where I get brain fog. And when
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I sleep well, it feels like my brain just clears out completely and I
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feel so much more alert. Colors are brighter. So sleep for me
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is so crucial, but track this. So is it happening frequently?
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Is the sleep night— was it the night before? Did you sleep well?
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Is your stress level increasing or did you start a new medication?
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Are you drinking a lot? That can help. That can affect memory as well.
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And these episodes are actually, if they're interfering with your daily function,
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you need to talk to someone and try to find something to resolve
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the situation. All right. We're up to number 5. Your patience disappears.
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Typically between 35 and 50, women get a little more
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intolerable to stupidity and things that just don't make
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sense. If somebody's chewing loud or if they're being very annoying.
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I have a friend that has a lot of road rage when she drives.
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She yells. She doesn't yell. She doesn't get out of the car, but she does
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yell at a lot of people in the car. I'm a little worried for her.
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And someone asks you the same question for the 4th time and You're like,
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I already answered it. And they keep asking because they forget what your answer is.
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I have kids that do that, honestly. Or you're reconsidering all your
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life choices. So your mood changes and you get irritable.
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You're like, why am I working this job? Why do— are my kids—
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I tell them the same thing over and over again. They don't do it.
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Why is my husband not doing anything around the house? You may
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be a little snippy between 35 and 50. Just, just realize
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that your mood changes, you get more irritable, and you can
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be going through menopause early. You could be starting the transition. But here's the
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important part. Sometimes you're irritable because hormones are changing, but sometimes you're irritable
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because you only slept for 4 hours because you're exhausted. Or you have, you've been
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carrying everybody else's responsibilities and you have mental overload. Then again,
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sometimes people just genuinely annoy you. So I will say that happens. There are
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people that just have no clue and they just completely annoy you.
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All 4 of the same can be true at the same time. So just realize
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that. And mood from 1 to 10,
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your mood from 1 to 10 is, did you get enough sleep? Did you cycle?
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Did you, did you, your menstrual cycle change? I mean, that I will
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say, ladies, those hormones, when we have menstruation, whew,
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so glad I'm done with that. Major stressors may
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also impact, you know, your moods with hormones, you know, any medications you're
13:10
on that can also change. So look for patterns instead of assuming you're suddenly developing
13:14
a terrible personality, because there may be things you can do and
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ways to offset, you know, irritability. I think again,
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sleep is number one without sleep. Everyone gets a little snippety,
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I will say. Okay. Number 6, sudden anxiety. Some women
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who never considered themselves anxious after menopause or during menopause, they suddenly
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notice that they get their heart races when they get anxious. They might have a
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panic attack. I had that happen when I was going through menopause. They might worry
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or they're restless. Sometimes we get a sense of being overwhelmed because
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we are overwhelmed, ladies. You might have a difficulty of shutting off your mind,
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especially me at 3 o'clock in the morning, but anxiety-like symptoms can be You
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know, also medical causes. So thyroid, you need to get your thyroid checked also
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when you're going through menopause, cuz that can be affected. Medications, sleep deprivation,
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and other conditions can overlap, ladies. So don't
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always blame menopause, but you know, track it. So like,
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like as everything else, when, when does it happen? How long does
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it last? If you have, if you're getting anxiety, what's your heart rate?
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Are you drinking extra caffeine that day? Did you sleep well? Or are you
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on new medications? And medications, I will say a lot of times will in fact
14:19
affect your heart rate. So if you experience new or significant heart rate
14:23
symptoms, don't self-diagnose them as anxiety. Get it checked out,
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uh, because it could be a heart attack. A lot of ladies have heart attacks
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you don't even realize, and you don't have to be 60 years or 50 years
14:32
old to have a heart attack. Number 7, heart palpitations.
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This one gets your attention very quickly because you feel like your heart is going
14:39
to jump out of your chest. Now, I had an allergic reaction which gave me
14:42
heart palpitations because I actually am allergic to marijuana. So When
14:46
people are smoking marijuana, I can get heart palpitations from it. So if you're sitting
14:49
there perfectly peaceful and suddenly you're, you have a thump, thump, thump, flutter,
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pause, thump, thump, thump, and your heart feels like it's about to jump outta your
14:56
chest, you're like, holy crap, what is that? And then you go to the emergency
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room and they say, oh yes, you're having heart palpitations. So, and they can track
15:03
that. So women, it's not in your head. It can happen during menopause,
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but palpitations, you know, there's so many causes.
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And mine was actually, it wasn't menopause. It was actually an allergic reaction.
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So. This is just one thing I say, you know, don't just say it's menopause.
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And if it's happening at the same time every day, if it lasts for about
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the same duration after you've gone to the hospital 3 or 4 times, you may
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need to start tracking this more. If you have a heart rate monitor, what are
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you doing when it happens? Do you drink extra coffee that day? Did you drink
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alcohol the night before? Did you hydrate well? Did you sleep well? Your medications,
15:33
check those out. And then if you're dizzy, fainting, or you have
15:37
chest pains, that can be serious. You need to make sure any
15:41
new or concerning heart palpitations deserve medical intentions and that you get the medical attention
15:45
that you need right away. All right. I'm up to number 8. Sorry. I'm trying
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to go so fast so I can get through all 25 today. Your internal thermostat
15:52
breaks. So one minute you're like, oh, it's so hot in here. And the next
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minute you're freezing. You go like, who turned on the air conditioning down to Antarctica?
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So you've got to like make sure that when you have hot flashes, if you
16:03
have hot flashes, I never did, but some people have hot flashes. Sometimes it involves
16:06
sudden warmth, flushing, sweating, and then sometimes you feel chilled
16:10
to the bones. It's, it varies tremendously. Some women barely notice them. Other women,
16:13
you know, they have them. For their lives and sleep. It definitely
16:18
interrupts their sleep so they can have it at night as well. So track it
16:21
number of times per day, how many times per night, any duration,
16:25
and then the severity, and then write it down. Because a lot of times,
16:28
if you have what we talked about earlier and your, your mental capacity is,
16:32
is getting a little less, you may not remember how many times
16:36
you had them for the day. So think about any triggers. So like I drank
16:39
a cup of coffee and then I got a hot flash or Because that information,
16:42
your doctor can say, you know what, I get hot flashes after I go swimming,
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or I get hot flashes after I get out of the shower. Any of those
16:49
things help to track it. Okay. Number 9, your body shape changes
16:53
without, you know, telling you about it. It doesn't tell you, hey, I'm not going
16:57
to ask for permission. Your body shape is just changing. A lot of times women
17:00
get furious because their body shape has changed. You may weigh about
17:03
the same amount of money, but you suddenly notice that, ooh, my butt got
17:07
bigger, or ooh, my boobs aren't in the same place they were. So body
17:11
fat distribution can change during midlife. You might get more fat around your
17:14
midsection. Um, a lot of times that happens to women and hormones aren't the only
17:19
explanation for weight changes. And sometimes it's muscle loss, which hormones
17:23
do affect as well, but there is some age-related muscle loss and muscle
17:27
is harder to gain if you're not really working at it as you get older.
17:30
It's not as easy to put on when you're 50 as it was when you
17:33
were 20. Activity can change your diet, your sleep, genetics also
17:36
matter. So you know what, if your metabolism didn't
17:40
necessarily pack its bag and, you know, abandon you at night and say, here you
17:43
go. You're left with the metabolism half the size it was.
17:47
And then your previous strategy may no longer be working. Okay.
17:50
It just may not, because a lot of people have to decrease how much food
17:54
they're eating too, as they get older, because their muscle mass has decreased. So they
17:56
can't eat as much, but then they continue eating and then they wonder why they
17:59
gain the weight. But track your weight, track your waist, track your strength.
18:03
Make sure you're getting daily movement. Walking is so great, ladies, for people in
18:06
their 50s and 60s. We think that we need to run a mile or 2
18:10
miles in order to stay healthy. Honestly, when you're older, that can
18:13
raise cortisol spikes and those cortisol spikes can lead to weight
18:17
gain. So sometimes it's better just to take a nice long walk than to constantly
18:21
be running it out. So also talk, look at your protein intake and
18:25
your amino acids. I know amino acids are very important as we get older,
18:29
vitamin D as well, but make sure you are also sleeping. And ideally,
18:33
you know, if you have body composition changes, you can track that. There's scales for
18:37
that. Track it. There's ways to track it on a scale.
18:40
Use the same scale if you're doing it, and then figure out where, where your
18:43
optimal is so that you know that, hey, this is where I'm at and this
18:47
is where I need to get to, and then put a plan together to get
18:49
there. Number 10, you lose muscle more easily. I kind of touched on this a
18:53
little bit already. This is why I talk so much about strength training in a
18:57
lot of my podcasts. Many women spend decades,
19:00
you know, obsessing over their— the smaller finger. But when you
19:04
get into midlife, that's when you start saying, oh my gosh, why am I so
19:07
weak? Or how do I remain strong or keep my strength?
19:10
Because muscle matters for mobility. If you're hunched
19:14
over, your muscle mass is breaking down. If you're having constant hip
19:18
problems or knee problems, your muscle mass may be breaking down.
19:21
And then it de— your metabolism slows because you don't have enough muscle mass
19:26
and your balance, and you can't do yoga the way you did. So just remember,
19:29
you're going to have to keep your muscle mass going and you may have to
19:32
lift heavier weights than you've ever done before. And if you aren't giving your body
19:35
a reason to maintain the muscle, it becomes easier to lose it at this age.
19:38
So track your strength. I track in my workout routines,
19:42
all my, what I'm lifting. And hopefully I go up every week
19:45
on different lifts. So just track what you're lifting and can you get,
19:49
and can you get up off the floor easily? That's kind of like a true
19:52
telltale sign. If you're lift— if you're lifting weights and you're active,
19:56
you need to be able to get off the floor easily and carry groceries and
19:59
climb stairs. And if your weight keeps increasing over time,
20:03
you're going to have to do something about it because you don't want to get
20:05
too big and then have your bones break down because your muscle mass is not
20:09
there. So it's okay to increase muscle mass, but don't increase the fat mass because
20:13
a lot of times it takes— it's harder to move around. But don't just
20:16
track how much you weigh, track your muscle as well. Okay. And also track
20:20
what you do. That's good. Number 11, joints that suddenly have opinions.
20:24
Oh my gosh. Joints, joints, joints, joints, joints. If I could only tell you
20:28
how many joints. A lot of times we're in gymnastics or in sports
20:31
when we're younger. And then you wake up and you're like, ooh, why does my
20:35
shoulder hurt? Ooh, my ankle hurts. My knee hurts. You don't have an injury.
20:38
It's just inflammation in that joint. You didn't lift anything unusual.
20:42
You might've just slept wrong. It might take work just to get out of bed.
20:45
So apparently your shoulder simply had feedback to tell you in the morning and
20:49
your joints and muscle discomfort are, you know, it's reported a lot of times in
20:52
menopause, but joint pain can obviously, you know, it has many other causes. It can
20:56
be an injury. Don't, I'm not making light of it. And it can be arthritis.
20:59
So track your joints. There's some stem cells and PRP that for
21:03
inflammation and arthritis that are showing some promising things if you want to look
21:07
into that, but track which joints hurt. Is it both sides or is it one?
21:10
Is it a new injury? Do you think you might've injured it or hurt it?
21:13
Sometimes you just sleep wrong. Honestly, that's, I can't
21:17
explain it any more than that. Is it always the morning or the
21:20
evening that it hurts? You know, maybe if you're on your legs all day long,
21:23
your knees start to swell up. And does movement improve it? Now you need
21:27
to exercise, but does exercising aggravate the soreness?
21:31
Is there any swelling, redness, weakness? And how long has it been happening?
21:35
Now there are supplements you can take. There's different types
21:39
of treatments you can do. You need to really dive into it. If it's causing
21:42
a lot of pain and interfering with your daily activities, dive into it because you
21:46
don't want to live in pain. Number 12, halfway there about recovery, and it will
21:49
now take longer. So remember when you're exercising and you used to be
21:53
able to exercise 5 or 6 days a week. And you, you know, you,
21:57
it was completely normal the next morning to go work out again. So, and then
22:01
you work out every day. Midlife occasionally responds with, ooh, that's adorable, but you're
22:05
going to be sore for 2 more days. Recovery can increase. It may take longer
22:10
to recover from that hard workout. Make sure you're getting good sleep,
22:13
nutrition, protein, protein, protein is so important as you're gaining
22:17
muscle. Then make sure you hydrate. Sometimes intelligent training matters. It might
22:21
be time to hire a personal trainer because training harder isn't always training smarter.
22:23
It's better as you get older to
22:27
have a trainer that can teach you the proper ways to train.
22:30
Make sure you hire the right one though. Track your intensity. I like tracking
22:34
it every week. And then also if you're sore, I was trying to work out
22:38
6 days a week and I kept getting sore. So I switched it up with
22:41
weightlifting 3 days, 3 to 4 days a week. And then I do swimming on
22:44
the off days so that I don't just constantly hammer my muscles.
22:48
Cause I was thinking I was really cannibalizing my muscles by working
22:51
out so much. Sleep more, rest more. And then you'll
22:55
be able to track your performance. If your strength is steadily declining,
22:59
rather than improving, your recovery plan needs some attention because you gain muscle
23:03
when you recover. Number 13, your skin suddenly gets drier.
23:06
I will say this is a big problem. You have to moisturize over and over
23:10
again, more than you probably were 10 years ago. So your skin responds when you're,
23:13
when you're going to need more moisturizer. I like doing oil
23:17
right after I shower and then putting lotion on top, but hormonal changes will
23:21
affect your skin. So dryness can become more noticeable. You may get
23:26
wrinkles, elasticity changes. There's supplements you can take.
23:29
You may need different types of skincare treatments. A lot of times they have these
23:33
20-year-olds showing their skincare regimen. You're not 20, so do
23:36
the skincare regimen that works for your age. And was it sudden versus
23:40
gradual? Because sometimes that happens and it's because of something you're eating. Did it
23:43
happen because you moved to a new location or you're using a different skincare
23:47
product or medications? Medications, again, ladies, can affect. Are you
23:51
not drinking enough? Are you having rashes or itches? A lot of women are getting
23:54
autoimmunes in their 40s and 50s. And it causes skin issues as well.
23:58
So if it's severe itching or persistent, you need to talk to your
24:01
healthcare provider for sure, because it could be an allergic reaction, but it could be
24:05
something more serious. All right. Number 14, your hair changes. I know a lot
24:09
of people, their hair is thinner. They feel like they're losing more
24:12
of it. It's drier. It's more brittle. It has a different texture, or sometimes
24:17
it's just, you know, there's more hair at the bottom of the shower because hair
24:19
can happen. Hair loss happens in midlife. It just does. But hair
24:23
loss also has other possible medical and nutritional issues.
24:27
Track how much you're losing. Are you getting bald spots? Is it difficult?
24:30
Is it thinning in certain spots? Are you getting like bald patches like guys
24:34
get? Or are there major illnesses that could be deliberately
24:38
related to it? Are you losing weight and at the same time losing more hair?
24:41
Did you change your diet? Are you not eating protein anymore? Cause you decided to
24:45
go vegan. You know, you just don't know. Medication again can
24:48
also cause hair loss. Talk to your clinician or your medical doctor and
24:52
talk to them about the hair loss instead of assuming it's inevitable.
24:56
This is number 15. This one I hate. There's chin hair, ladies, that arrived
25:01
and you did not invite it over. A lot of people do dermaplaning now because
25:04
they have more hair on their face than they used to. And you're getting
25:07
ready. Let's say you're getting ready to go out and you're like, oh my gosh,
25:09
where did that big hair on my chin? I look like a wicked witch.
25:12
And there it is. One thing that happens is chin hair
25:16
apparently grew half an inch overnight and you have this big old hair sticking
25:20
out of your chin. It's relatively balanced. It, you know, It happens when
25:23
you— your balance of hormones as women age, that can affect your
25:27
hair patterns. But dramatic new facial hair growth happens, and there
25:31
can also be other symptoms. But just realize it can happen. It can also be
25:34
related to your thyroid. But gradual— was it gradual or did
25:38
it happen overnight? And then is there hair loss and is there acne? Sometimes people
25:42
get hair and acne growth on their face. So yes, you thought you
25:46
were done with acne as a teenager, but it will come back after menopause.
25:50
And then your voice sometimes gets a little deeper. Sometimes it gets a little higher.
25:54
So your voice can change. It's like we're going through puberty
25:57
all over again because our hormones change so much. One hair isn't,
26:00
you know, a medical mystery, but you know what? A sudden major change in
26:03
having a lot of hair, it may be something going on. All right. Number 16.
26:08
I kind of touched on this. Adult acne. Yep. You get
26:12
adult acne. So you survived teenage acne, you paid your dues, and then
26:16
somehow you find yourself buying wrinkle cream and acne at the same
26:20
time as your teenage son. So it may happen. This seems fundamentally
26:23
unfair. I really do think that, you know, with all these hormonal changes, especially if
26:27
now you're taking hormone therapy, that can be interfering and you begin getting breakouts.
26:31
Sometimes testosterone causes it. Is it happening on your jawline or
26:35
your chin? Did you think that after hormones medication
26:39
that, you know, you'd be fine and now all of a sudden you're taking hormones
26:42
and you're getting acne? So look into that and then, you know, look into your
26:45
skincare products too, because sometimes you need to change skincare
26:48
as you get older products. And some of the old ones may be causing acne
26:51
that they never did before. All this timing, you know, really track that because it'll,
26:55
it'll give you the answers you needed. Number 17, my non-favorite
26:59
is vaginal dryness. So now that we're, you know, you're going,
27:02
we've gone through the symptoms of menopause before, but it is often
27:06
something that women don't talk about. I'm here to talk about it for you because
27:10
vaginal tissue, it becomes thinner. It can become drier and less elastic over time.
27:15
Because your estrogen may decrease and well, it's going to decrease. So as that
27:19
happens, you're going to have drier. It might burn when you have sex, ladies.
27:22
You might be more prone to UTIs. That happens a lot too.
27:26
And pain after sex when you're dry. Oh my gosh.
27:29
And I want to make it very clear, painful sex is not something you should
27:32
be accepting just because you got older. Now I will
27:35
say the size of the man does matter. You know, men always think that their
27:38
size, they want to have as big as possible, but if they're too big,
27:41
it can also cause pain for women. When it's just not working.
27:45
So just realize dryness, burning, pain, bleeding after sex,
27:48
that's not normal. Or if you're having like urinary tract infections or symptoms
27:52
like that, track when it started and whether it's affecting your intimacy,
27:55
because it can be a big one. And if you have a lot of pain
27:58
during sex, you're going to have to figure out a way around this, because if
28:01
you start having sex with pain, you're not going to want to have sex.
28:04
You have to tell your doctor about this because there's a lot of things they
28:07
can do to treat this. Okay. And then sex feels different.
28:11
So number 18 is sex feels different. So maybe you're
28:15
still interested in sex, but your body isn't responding the same way. I know when
28:18
I was having sex that arousal
28:22
might take longer with some people. Lubrication may change. You may be
28:26
drier. Orgasms may feel bigger or less. They just may feel different and
28:31
your sensitivity can change. So your libido isn't as spontaneous as it was
28:34
maybe when you were younger, but it just changes the way you have sex as
28:38
you get older. So sexual function can change. During and after menopause
28:41
transition. So remember that we talked about our libido
28:45
in the previous episode, but you need to make sure that hormones
28:49
aren't the entire story because it can be sleep, stress, relationship quality.
28:54
It can be a bad relationship, honestly. If you're having pain, if the guy's
28:58
too large for you ladies, I'm hopefully you've broken yourself
29:03
in over time, but you know, that can be a thing. Medications. And then
29:06
body confidence too. I mean, that matters, but attraction matters.
29:10
All these things matter. So track your desire and your comfort levels,
29:13
because if you're having pain, you're not going to have an orgasm. If you're having
29:17
relation stress, it can also impact the orgasms.
29:20
So, and then also track the medications. Again, don't reduce your entire
29:24
sexual life to one thing and don't think it's always testosterone because a lot
29:28
of people do. All right. Number 19, you have to pee All the
29:32
time. This was, this is my big thing. I have to go pee often.
29:35
Nobody tells you how much you're going to, you know, how glamorous menopause
29:39
is in this glamorous brochure about menopause that your bladder is going to change.
29:42
When your estrogen goes down, it can affect the tissue around the vaginal
29:46
walls as well as the urinary area. So that's why a lot of women get
29:49
more urinary tract infections as well. And some women experience urgency
29:53
to pee more often than others. Also, if you've had children, sometimes that affects
29:58
the urgency to pee. As we know, some people sneeze and they pee a little.
30:01
After they have a baby. That can be tightened up with your, you know,
30:04
Kegels and vaginal wall contractions. And if you can't do it that way, some women
30:08
have surgery. But nonetheless, you need to track how often
30:11
you're urinating. Are you waking up at night to urinate? I think I wake
30:15
up 3 times a night to go to the bathroom. Is it leaking? If you're
30:18
having leaking issues, it might be that you need to do more Kegels or need
30:21
to talk to a doctor. Do you have burning? Is there blood in your pee?
30:24
That could be a serious issue. So if it's painful, don't ignore
30:28
it because if it's pain when you pee, if you have a urinary tract
30:32
infection, it can spread to your kidneys or your bladder and
30:35
you can get a kidney infection and it can be life-threatening. So don't assume
30:39
burning or pain is just menopause because urinary tract infections,
30:43
they need immediate attention. You don't just ignore them. All right.
30:46
Number 20, we're almost there. You leak when you cough, sneeze,
30:49
or jump. I touched on this before. So there are people that when they
30:53
sneeze and they have to cross their legs or they pee a little and nobody
30:57
told you that after you had a baby that sometimes that happens. I had that
31:01
happen right after I had my babies. Thank goodness it went away, but I did
31:04
not know that was a thing. And urinary leakage is common in women that,
31:07
you know, we joke about it, but it, it needs to be treated. So sometimes
31:12
you don't have to accept it because pelvic floor therapy, there's also a machine that
31:15
one of my friends, I'm going to have her on a podcast soon that she
31:19
uses to help tighten the pelvic floor. And it can be extremely helpful depending
31:22
on the cause, but what's triggering the leak? Is it sneezing? Some women do it
31:25
when they run, jump. Is it often? How often?
31:28
So you need to have the information and figure out what the bladder problem is.
31:32
Make sure it's not painful. If you have pain, it's probably something else related to
31:35
something else. All right. So just realize other women do pee and sneeze sometimes
31:39
too, or run and it drips out. So you may have to have multiple
31:43
underwear changes during the day or wear, and definitely wear a pad if you know
31:46
it's coming, because it's kind of annoying. Anyway, your libido goes
31:50
missing, number 21. And that happens. We had a whole podcast about
31:54
it yesterday. So, or I guess a couple of days ago. So. Sex sounds great
31:58
today. You say, please don't touch me. But yesterday you're like, oh, I'm all about
32:03
this. And again, hormones can contribute to this, but before blaming hormones, you need
32:07
to look at your entire picture. And we talked about this in detail. Are you
32:10
sleeping? Are you stressed? Are you having mental overload?
32:13
Do you resent your partner? Are you angry with them? Does sex hurt? And then
32:17
always the medication is always one. So do you feel good in your
32:21
body when you have sex? But if your libido
32:24
is down, there's— it's usually a mental thing as well as hormonal.
32:28
So those are the 2 main reasons. Is something going on mentally? And mentally
32:32
can be anything in your relationship. Do you not find your partner exciting? Are they
32:35
boring you? Or are you simply exhausted? Or is it something related
32:40
to your hormones? So track your desire level, your sleep, your stress,
32:43
and your relationship satisfaction on a scale of 1 to 10. Are you satisfied
32:47
in your relationship? And if it's causing you pain because of Some of the other
32:51
things we talked about, vaginal dryness, et cetera, you need to know,
32:54
you know, I don't want sex because I'm always in pain and then try to
32:57
fix that. But cycles of hormones change and just realize this, men,
33:01
if you're dating a woman that are married to a woman that sometimes she's going
33:05
to cycle through different types of libido and medications change. So sometimes libido
33:09
isn't malfunctioning. It's just a, it's a reported condition
33:13
that just changed because your medications changed. So track all
33:16
that and you'll find out more. All right. Number 22, digestion seems different.
33:20
I will say, as I got older, bloating happen more, constipation happen more,
33:23
and different digestive patterns happen. It's like your digestive system
33:27
doesn't move as fast. That's why, like, you may eat lunch and you don't want
33:30
dinner, because your, your digestive system is not moving as quickly. But gastrointestinal
33:35
symptoms are the perfect example of something that we should definitely be tracking,
33:39
uh, and don't always automatically blame menopause. So you could have
33:42
diet changes that could have changed it. Your medications a lot of times may make
33:46
you constipated, or supplements You may also have a gallbladder or a liver
33:50
issue. So realize that you may need to talk to a professional. You could have
33:52
food intolerances, GI disorders, or anything else related
33:57
to your gastro. I mean, some people get ulcers and it causes things as well.
33:59
Stress can also cause gastrointestinal issues. So track what you
34:03
ate. If you're having bowel problems every day or
34:07
it's painful, you need to talk to a doctor because medications can help.
34:11
But if it's consistently, you really need to talk to your doctor because it can
34:14
cause bloating and you can get an obstruction as well, which could life-threatening.
34:18
And if the symptoms get worse or they're persistent, it does,
34:23
it does desire actual investigation. Because if you can't, you know, get rid of
34:26
waste, you're going to have a problem. Number 23, your alcohol tolerance may
34:30
feel completely different. You used to drink 2 glasses of wine in your 20s
34:34
and 30s and you'd be like, I'm going to go for another 2. Maybe that
34:37
was me. Okay. But now you have 2 glasses of wine and you wake
34:41
up at 2 o'clock in the morning and you're like, your heart is beating faster.
34:43
You're having heart palpitations. Your tongue is dry and you feel
34:47
like you drank 3 bottles of wine. So part of this may simply
34:51
be aging, sleep disruption, hydration, or medications, but it may
34:55
also be physiological. And alcohol a lot of times will affect
34:59
sleep. It can make it worse. It makes you sleepy sometimes in the morning.
35:02
So you may want to cut back on drinking. And that's why I think a
35:06
lot of people our age, Gen Xers and even younger, they're cutting back on how
35:10
much they drink. And there's a lot of good alternatives now with non-alcoholic beer
35:14
and non-alcoholic wine. And I like some of the non-alcoholic champagne
35:18
even, but figure out when you can drink, if you are a drinker
35:21
and what time, otherwise it's going to affect your sleep quality and that can affect
35:25
everything else. It can also cause night sweats that you thought were hot flashes,
35:28
but it's actually the alcohol. So remember that, and your heart
35:32
rate could change. Your energy the next day could change and it may not be
35:35
menopause. It may just be the alcohol because your body reacts to it differently than
35:38
it used to. So discover your body, discover what's giving you feedback in
35:43
your body. That way, you know what you need to change and what you need
35:46
to fix. Number 24, fatigue that doesn't match your activity. So this
35:49
one needs special intentions. You didn't run a marathon. You didn't work 18 hours,
35:52
but you woke up, you felt unplugged. You had poor sleep,
35:56
but you got more sleep than you thought you did. You track your record
35:59
and you're like, oh, I slept 8 hours, but for some reason I'm exhausted.
36:02
So persistent fatigue can be anemia. And a lot of women in their, you know,
36:06
after, during and after menopause may have anemia or a thyroid disease
36:09
or medication. So some women have sleep apnea and mood
36:13
disorders as well. So track it for medical conditions. Track it so
36:16
you can see if it's a medical condition. So track your hours, give this to
36:20
your doctor, your quality, how much energy you have. If you're exercising,
36:23
ladies, if you're exercising 4 or 5 hours a day in your 40s and 50s,
36:27
you may be causing your own problems because a lot of women could do
36:31
that in their 20s. And now they're in their 50s. They were in their 20s
36:33
and they were in a sport and now they're in their 50s. Like, oh my
36:36
gosh, I'm causing my own problems because I'm working out too much. So just realize
36:40
that. And you know, snoring is a big thing as well. And if you have
36:43
fatigue. And it's getting progressively worse, do not automatically accept it as unexplained
36:48
because it, it can cause so many problems for so
36:52
many things. So, all right, we're at number 25. You don't
36:56
feel like yourself anymore. Nobody tells you this, but you may feel— this one
37:00
may be the biggest one of all. Women tell doctors something feels different. I just
37:03
don't feel like myself. And sometimes that can particularly be hormones.
37:06
It can be your sleep has changed dramatically and your body's changed. So you don't
37:10
don't feel like it, or you're not as sexual, or maybe you're way more sexual.
37:14
So everybody's a little different. You also, your patience may be
37:18
running thin with your children or your energy changes, and it
37:21
may be hormones. It may be menopausal. It may not. So if you're losing
37:25
concentration, a lot of people realize that is maybe related to
37:29
a hormone, but it also may be related to something else. So suddenly you recognize
37:32
that the woman you're looking at is not the same woman and
37:36
you have to go through kind of an identity crisis, I think.
37:39
And that's when sometimes we become frightened a little
37:43
bit. So here's what I want you to know. Midlife isn't one symptom.
37:47
It's so many symptoms. It's a multiple of symptoms. And it's
37:51
almost like detective work to figure out what's going on. And it
37:55
makes it difficult to identify exactly what's causing it. And that's why you kind of
37:58
have to be your own detective. And I kind of like AI for this,
38:01
I will say, because it does help track and figure things out. If you can
38:05
put all your symptoms in, it can help you do that. So instead of trying
38:08
to remember everything, when you finally get to your doctor's
38:12
office 6 weeks from now, start tracking it. All right. You need to
38:15
have a tracker that you can use. You don't need a complicated spreadsheet.
38:18
Spreadsheets work though. I will say I love spreadsheets. I love me some spreadsheets,
38:22
but every day, or maybe in a journal, you know, track your sleep. If you
38:26
have a sleep tracker, great. I like the rings because
38:29
it tracks your sleep, tracks your exercise, it tracks your steps. But figure
38:33
out if you can write down how much sleep you have, how much energy you
38:37
have, because that's, that's a feeling, that's not a number that you have. And then
38:40
are you calm? Are you anxious? Is your mood good? Are you stable? Are you
38:44
sad? Do you have hot flashes? Is your brain focus, you know,
38:47
waning? And that might be a testosterone issue or something else. Has your waist
38:52
increased? Because a lot of women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, their waists
38:55
get bigger. Do you exercise? What do you do when you try to recover?
38:59
And then there are, do you have any pain anywhere? Is it vaginal dryness pain?
39:03
Do you have pain in your joints? Figure all of this out, track your digestion,
39:07
your sexual health, and your bladder, as well as medications and hormones and
39:11
your alcohol and caffeine. So all of these things need to be tracked because finally
39:14
anything new that you do can affect everything. And so it's
39:18
such a way to, I think we have to be our own detectives
39:22
and we have to figure out what's going on. And this is the last one.
39:24
It really matters because you may start seeing patterns with
39:28
every time you add something new into your life, something happens. You added a new
39:31
food and now you're completely bloated where you never used to get
39:35
bloated. Maybe you have a food intolerance that you didn't know about. Maybe your worst
39:38
brain fog always follows your worst sleep or your heart palpitations occur after your
39:42
3 cups of coffee, which used to be fine, but suddenly it's not anymore.
39:45
Maybe alcohol makes you have night sweats, whereas before you used to be fine and
39:49
now you can't drink alcohol at night. You can only drink it at lunch.
39:52
It's okay to have a glass of wine at lunch if you need one,
39:54
but you don't need to change everything. But sometimes you can't do it at
39:57
night anymore. And if your libido's plummeted, is it you're chronically
40:02
exhausted or are you having problems in your relationships? So patterns help you separate
40:06
that something is happening from, oh my gosh, I think something is happening.
40:09
So it's, if you can track for just a week or two,
40:13
you'll get a better picture, but don't blame menopause for everything.
40:16
So the most important part of today's episode is being
40:19
45, 50, or 55 does not mean every new symptom belongs to
40:23
menopause. Because everybody will tell you, you know, oh, it's gotta be menopause,
40:27
or, oh, it's your hormones. But please stop letting people dismiss your symptoms that
40:31
way because they don't know. And if you have chest pain, you need to get
40:35
it evaluated. If you're fainting or getting dizzy, get that evaluated.
40:38
Don't just assume, cuz you could have neurological symptoms. You could have
40:41
unexplained bleeding from menopause, which is causing anemia, or, you know,
40:45
even unexplained weight loss or weight gain can be something related.
40:49
So abdominal pain, depression, all those, even a lump in your
40:53
breast. A lot of people have ignored those in the past, not so much anymore,
40:56
but those things cannot, they may not be menopause. So you
40:59
need to take your health seriously. You need to get things evaluated because midlife,
41:02
it, it's not a specific diagnosis. It's, you have to track so many
41:06
different factors, but menopause doesn't make women immune to everything else.
41:09
And that's what I wanna say. It's not just hormones. It's not just menopause.
41:12
Sometimes other things are happening inside your body. So here's
41:16
my challenge for you. For the next 30 days, if you become
41:20
a detective instead of a critic of your body, figure out what's working
41:23
for you, what's not working for you. Don't wake up saying, oh, my body's falling
41:26
apart. Say, what is my body telling me that it needs more of? Does it
41:29
need more sleep? Can you track it? Does it need more exercise? Do you need
41:32
to lose some weight? Strength training is great. Are you getting enough protein? Are you
41:36
drinking too much alcohol? Track it and determine what your body likes. You don't need
41:40
to be like anyone else. You're unique. And just because things work
41:44
for some 20-year-old on social media doesn't mean it's going to work for you.
41:46
So pay attention to your stress and your symptoms and write it all down.
41:50
Write down any medication changes and track your sexual desire and
41:53
urinary symptoms. And, you know, bring this information to your healthcare provider.
41:58
And I hope that you're all getting your annual checkups with your healthcare provider so
42:02
that you can say, hey, look, I feel terrible. And you can't just say I
42:06
feel terrible. You need to give them all the And I do like ChatGPT.
42:09
I will say, I like to put that in there and say, hey, ChatGPT offered
42:13
these options. What do you think? And it honestly, if a doctor gets completely threatened
42:16
by information that you come prepared with and they don't want you to be informed,
42:20
and that's, that's a sign of the doctor, not on you. But the biggest mistake
42:24
women can make during midlife is just assuming that you have 2 choices,
42:27
suffer through it or pretend it's not happening. There's a 3rd
42:31
option, understand what's happening and fix the problem. Some symptoms can improve
42:36
with lifestyle changes or with food or with medication or all kinds of different
42:40
things, even supplements. But some may be related to menopause that you have to deal
42:44
with. But a lot of things can be fixed, ladies. If there's a problem,
42:46
let's find the solution. All right. You may have, it may have absolutely
42:51
nothing to do with menopause and simply your body. It can simply be
42:54
your body telling you that the way you've been living in the past for the
42:57
last 20 years is not gonna work for the next 20. You may need more
43:00
sleep. You need more muscle. You may need to decrease your stress. You may need
43:04
to get a different doctor. Sorry, doctors, but sometimes doctors don't listen very well
43:07
and you have to prioritize yourself again. It's okay to take
43:11
care of you. It's okay to take care of you ladies, even though I know
43:13
we are so busy taking care of everyone else. And maybe you need to stop
43:17
treating exhaustion as an achievement. And I know like some, when I
43:20
was in my 20s, like I only slept 2 hours, but I'm still kicking.
43:23
It was like a badge of honor, but now you need to stop saying I'm
43:26
just getting old and say, hey, I need to get more sleep because I'm exhausted.
43:29
The final takeaways I wanna leave you with is let's run through our 25
43:34
things one more time and then real quickly. And so it's sleep disruption,
43:38
night sweats, brain fog, forgetfulness, irritability,
43:41
anxiety, palpitations, temperature changes, body composition
43:45
changes, muscle loss, joint discomfort, slower recovery,
43:48
dry skin, hair changes, facial hair, adult acne,
43:51
vaginal dryness, sexual changes, urinary tract frequency or urinary
43:55
frequency and bladder leakage, libido changes, digestive changes.
43:59
Different alcohol tolerances, fatigue, and that strange feeling of, I just don't feel
44:03
like myself anymore. If you're experiencing severe of anything
44:07
at the same time, start tracking and remember to talk to your doctor. And if
44:10
it seems like it's a medical emergency, you need to go to an emergency room
44:12
right away. It's not to become obsessed with every sensation. It's just to understand
44:17
how your body is and how you are. And it's to create enough information to
44:20
recognize you have patterns. Ooh, I drank, therefore I'm going to sweat at night,
44:23
or ooh, I didn't get enough sleep, so I might be irritable during the
44:27
day. Midlife doesn't mean your, your best years are behind you. It just means
44:30
you need to, you know, make sure you're doing what's best for your body.
44:33
And the rules have changed a little bit. Don't expect the rules at 50
44:37
to be the same as they were at 20, because at this stage in your
44:40
life, you're, you're desperately trying to become 25 again. But the reality is, is you're
44:43
not, and it's okay. Your body's not betraying you. It's asking
44:47
you to finally start paying attention. And maybe, you know, we probably should have paid
44:51
attention a little bit earlier as well. So if you were counting the symptoms and
44:55
thinking, wait, I have 17 of them. It's okay. You definitely,
44:58
you're definitely going to want to send this episode to your girlfriend if they
45:02
are going through menopause and start tracking instead of diagnosing
45:06
yourself on Google every night, because that can lead to craziness and you can,
45:10
you can diagnose yourself into insanity, but you have
45:13
to do— Diva Details is here. We want to keep talking about the things
45:17
that women experience in midlife. And we want to keep doing that for you.
45:20
We are going to talk more about sex, hormones, relationships, health, dating,
45:23
weight, weight, sleep, confidence, all these things that are coming up on some episodes
45:27
that I have coming up. So every stage, strange things like surprise
45:31
you that bothers you, we're going to be discussing. So I hope that,
45:35
you know, midlife is not so scary because we're helping you through it. And at
45:39
this point, when we finally have enough experience to stop accepting bad information
45:44
and bad relationship advice, I hope we are here to help you find
45:47
the right answers that help you grow. And become the people you are supposed
45:52
to be and meant to be. This is Diva Details. This is Diva Mia.
45:55
I hope you have a wonderful day. Please note that the medical
46:00
backbone of this episode is consistent with guidance from the National Institute of
46:03
Aging, and you should always talk to your doctor. All right. Anyway,
46:07
I hope you have a wonderful week. Stay strong, stay powerful,
46:11
and make it a great week. Take care.
46:14
Thanks for tuning in. Like,
46:17
subscribe, and drop a comment. We'd love hearing from you.
46:21
Visit thedivadetails.com to connect. See you
46:25
next week for more.
46:31
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