Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #184 I'll Do Better Next Year

Transcript

#184 I'll Do Better Next Year · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers now.
0:11
Speaker 2: But what I noticed during Isolation in particular, was just
0:15
Speaker 2: how much my body craved that slower pace and how
0:20
Speaker 2: much happier we were as a family as we just
0:24
Speaker 2: were more intentional about creating that space to do so.
0:28
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
0:31
Speaker 1: and dad.
0:32
Speaker 3: Well it's only been a couple of months, but gee,
0:34
Speaker 3: it's been fun the Happy Families podcast with missus Happy
0:37
Speaker 3: Families joining me as my co host.
0:39
Speaker 4: I'm doctor Justin Colson.
0:40
Speaker 3: By the way, It's been so much fun getting to
0:43
Speaker 3: know you in a totally different way, Kylie.
0:46
Speaker 2: It's been a steep learning curve for me, that's for sure,
0:48
Speaker 2: but I've loved every minute of it.
0:50
Speaker 3: Well, the feedback keeps coming through thick and fast. We're
0:52
Speaker 3: getting reviews and ratings consistently at Apple Podcasts or wherever
0:56
Speaker 3: people listen to their podcasts, and we appreciate that so much.
1:00
Speaker 3: But I wanted to just pick up on something that
1:02
Speaker 3: we mentioned the other day. We were talking about the
1:05
Speaker 3: Christmas Ninjas, and I'm we're going to put on the
1:09
Speaker 3: Facebook page today we got a photo from Laura, who
1:13
Speaker 3: was the Christmas Ninja, the Ninja Brownie deliverer, and it's
1:16
Speaker 3: so clever what she's done. She just said, Justin and Kylie,
1:19
Speaker 3: I want to thank you both for the podcast. I
1:21
Speaker 3: love the practical solutions, honesty and openness you share with
1:24
Speaker 3: us listeners. Your podcast is my go to pick me
1:28
Speaker 3: up for both work and personal inspiration, which was so awesome.
1:32
Speaker 3: But that episode that we did one seventy six, everyone's
1:34
Speaker 3: gotten so on board with that whole teaching you kids
1:36
Speaker 3: how to love giving episode, and Laura sent through a
1:39
Speaker 3: picture of her kids doing some Ninja Brownie deliveries and
1:44
Speaker 3: it's so beautifully presented. She's got the sugar in the
1:46
Speaker 3: bottom and the cocoa, and then there's some other white
1:48
Speaker 3: stuff I don't know what that is, fowl flower, and
1:51
Speaker 3: then there's the chocolate chips, and so you can tell
1:54
Speaker 3: who does the cooking in this house. So we're going
1:57
Speaker 3: to put that up on the Facebook page because I
1:59
Speaker 3: think it's just fabulous and we love getting the kind
2:03
Speaker 3: words that come through. Now missus Happy Families, our last
2:08
Speaker 3: podcast episode.
2:09
Speaker 4: For the year.
2:09
Speaker 3: We're going to take some time off and be with
2:11
Speaker 3: our family. But every time we do a podcast on
2:15
Speaker 3: a Friday, we normally call it I'll do Better Tomorrow,
2:18
Speaker 3: because it's a chance for us to evaluate what went
2:20
Speaker 3: on during the week.
2:21
Speaker 4: It's a chance for us to.
2:23
Speaker 3: Review how we can be better as parents, what our
2:26
Speaker 3: insights and learnings are, how can be more mindful? And
2:30
Speaker 3: this time, well, we're going to do how we can
2:32
Speaker 3: do better next year. I'll do Better next year is
2:35
Speaker 3: today's podcast episode. And you've been doing some thinking about
2:38
Speaker 3: how you can do better next year, which I find
2:40
Speaker 3: very hard to believe.
2:41
Speaker 4: Frankly, you're too kind.
2:43
Speaker 2: Twenty twenty has been this crazy year for so many
2:46
Speaker 2: of us, but it's given me some time to really
2:48
Speaker 2: think about, you know, the things that are really important
2:54
Speaker 2: to me specifically, and how I want to incorporate that
2:59
Speaker 2: learning internet next year. And I think the thing that
3:01
Speaker 2: stands out to me the most is intention. I recognize
3:06
Speaker 2: that as parents we are really intentional about a lot
3:09
Speaker 2: of the things we do, but there's some things that
3:12
Speaker 2: I feel I could be more intentional.
3:14
Speaker 4: Really.
3:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I have three things that I want to
3:16
Speaker 2: be more intentional about next year.
3:18
Speaker 4: Okay, is screen is one of them?
3:20
Speaker 2: No?
3:21
Speaker 4: Come on, if I was writing my list for you,
3:22
Speaker 4: I'd put screens on them. I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
3:26
Speaker 2: Well, it's not on there. I'm just telling you.
3:29
Speaker 4: So.
3:29
Speaker 2: The first thing is I want to be more intentional
3:32
Speaker 2: about slowing the pace of our lives down. And I
3:36
Speaker 2: know when I say that, people who know us are
3:38
Speaker 2: kind of looking at you know us, going, you've got
3:41
Speaker 2: six children and life is full, like, how do you
3:45
Speaker 2: think you're going to do this? But what I noticed
3:48
Speaker 2: during isolation in particular, was just how much my body
3:53
Speaker 2: craved that slower pace and how much happier we were
3:59
Speaker 2: as a family as we just we're more intentional about
4:02
Speaker 2: creating that space to do so. So I don't really
4:05
Speaker 2: know at this point how I'm going to.
4:06
Speaker 4: Do it, well that was my next question, but I
4:08
Speaker 4: do know that.
4:09
Speaker 2: It's really important, and it's made a huge difference to
4:12
Speaker 2: how the rest of the year's gone. As we've gone
4:15
Speaker 2: back into kind of some kind of normalcy. I have
4:19
Speaker 2: noticed that, you know, things are speeding up a lot faster,
4:22
Speaker 2: but I have also tried to kind of just where
4:25
Speaker 2: I can pull things back and go, you know what,
4:26
Speaker 2: that's actually not that important. We don't need to do
4:29
Speaker 2: that and part of that actually has come about with
4:31
Speaker 2: our every night watching a Christmas movie that has really
4:35
Speaker 2: slowed down our evenings, which I've loved.
4:37
Speaker 3: I think that's a really nice idea, and I recalled
4:40
Speaker 3: during isolation, everybody was saying that they liked the slower pace,
4:43
Speaker 3: that they loved the fact that their families weren't so busy,
4:46
Speaker 3: and everyone was making these commitments we're not going to
4:48
Speaker 3: speed back up again once we're allowed to live our lives.
4:50
Speaker 3: And yet, at least here in Australia, where we are
4:52
Speaker 3: pretty much allowed to live our lives now, everybody sped
4:56
Speaker 3: back up. So it'll be interesting to see how we
4:58
Speaker 3: can put a plan together for I'm looking forward to
5:01
Speaker 3: our quarterly immersion every for those of you who are
5:03
Speaker 3: not familiar, every three months, Kylie.
5:05
Speaker 4: And I disappeared for two nights.
5:06
Speaker 3: We get somebody to watch the kids and we have
5:08
Speaker 3: two nights where we go and set plan. Yeah, we
5:11
Speaker 3: set with intention our next twelve weeks, the next term,
5:14
Speaker 3: the next quarter, and we do that because we know
5:16
Speaker 3: how important it is to get that intention right. Okay, well,
5:21
Speaker 3: you know one of the ways that I want to
5:22
Speaker 3: do better tomorrow. One of my key learnings from this
5:25
Speaker 3: year is that there's always too much to do. So
5:28
Speaker 3: it's kind of aligned with what you're saying, but I
5:32
Speaker 3: had this insight. I thought that everything was going to
5:34
Speaker 3: slow down with COVID, But for me, while I wasn't traveling,
5:38
Speaker 3: I think that I was busier this year from a
5:40
Speaker 3: work point of view than I've ever been before. We've
5:43
Speaker 3: launched a membership, We've done so many things within the business,
5:45
Speaker 3: We've hired new people. There's so much going on in
5:47
Speaker 3: Happy Families as a business that and there is so
5:51
Speaker 3: much to do in twenty twenty one. You know, as
5:53
Speaker 3: we've looked at the calendar for what we've got planned
5:56
Speaker 3: for next year, are.
5:56
Speaker 2: You going to undo my plans? Flowing down nom and all?
5:59
Speaker 3: This?
6:00
Speaker 4: So much to do.
6:01
Speaker 3: But the point here is there's always so much to do.
6:05
Speaker 3: And my learning from this is because there is always
6:08
Speaker 3: so much to do, there's in fact, not just so much,
6:11
Speaker 3: there's always too much to do. What that means is
6:14
Speaker 3: that I need to stop and focus on the stuff
6:17
Speaker 3: that must be done, because some things are more important
6:21
Speaker 3: than others. There's that analogy, that story that's been around
6:24
Speaker 3: for years and years and years and years about the
6:27
Speaker 3: manager from Coca Coal. I think it was giving a
6:30
Speaker 3: talk and he's talking about how in life we're juggling
6:34
Speaker 3: all of these balls all the time, our family, our work,
6:38
Speaker 3: all of these other commitments. We're just juggling and juggling
6:40
Speaker 3: and juggling. But some of the balls that we're juggling.
6:43
Speaker 4: A rubber while others are glass.
6:47
Speaker 3: And it's really important while we're juggling that if we're
6:50
Speaker 3: going to drop a ball, that we don't drop the
6:52
Speaker 3: glass balls. Things like family, things like our values, things
6:56
Speaker 3: like you know, the stuff that's at the very core
6:59
Speaker 3: of who we are.
7:00
Speaker 4: We can drop the other stuff. It will bounce back.
7:02
Speaker 3: It might take a while to regather it and find
7:04
Speaker 3: it and start juggling it again, but we'll get that back.
7:08
Speaker 3: There's always a juggle going on. There's always too much
7:11
Speaker 3: to do, but we need to make sure we keep
7:13
Speaker 3: the right balls in the air. So that's one of
7:14
Speaker 3: my big learnings for this year. COVID has taught me
7:17
Speaker 3: that we need to be intentional. It's pretty much the
7:20
Speaker 3: same as you. I'm just framing it differently. Let's come
7:22
Speaker 3: back in a second talk about it. Maybe a couple
7:24
Speaker 3: of others.
7:24
Speaker 1: It's their happy Families.
7:26
Speaker 5: Podcast for a happier family, Try a Happy Families membership,
7:31
Speaker 5: because a happy family doesn't just happen. Details at happy
7:34
Speaker 5: families dot com dot au.
7:37
Speaker 2: It's a Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
7:39
Speaker 2: poor parent. And today we're talking about how we want
7:43
Speaker 2: to be more intentional for twenty twenty one.
7:46
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I'll do better next year, and so far
7:49
Speaker 3: intention has kind of been the central theme, Kylie.
7:53
Speaker 2: This year feels so long away when you say it
7:55
Speaker 2: like that.
7:55
Speaker 3: Next year is like a couple of weeks, and where
7:57
Speaker 3: they are is amazing.
7:59
Speaker 4: So intention was your number one? What's your other big learning?
8:03
Speaker 3: I mean, this is less about setting goals for the
8:04
Speaker 3: new year and more about saying I've learnt something that
8:07
Speaker 3: I think is valuable and I want to be able
8:09
Speaker 3: to carry that into our lives moving forward.
8:12
Speaker 4: What would your other one be?
8:14
Speaker 2: Taking time out for me to fill my cup.
8:18
Speaker 4: Oh so you're talking about more me time and less
8:20
Speaker 4: weak time.
8:21
Speaker 2: It's a bit like that. But no, I you know,
8:24
Speaker 2: I think sometimes as mums we feel like we kind
8:28
Speaker 2: of have to you know, be the martyr be you know,
8:32
Speaker 2: in our efforts to be the best that we can be.
8:35
Speaker 2: We kind of forget that who we are and what
8:39
Speaker 2: makes us tick. And obviously we've done some podcasts, we've
8:43
Speaker 2: talked about this a little bit, this idea of me
8:45
Speaker 2: time versus we time, and but what I learned through
8:49
Speaker 2: isolation was that in order for me to bring my
8:53
Speaker 2: best self to the table, I need to find ways
8:57
Speaker 2: that I can be creative in my space that enable
9:01
Speaker 2: me to feel joy and purpose outside of my role
9:07
Speaker 2: as a mum, because that's only one of my roles,
9:10
Speaker 2: and that as I do that, that I find joy
9:14
Speaker 2: in being able to spend time with everybody through the process.
9:18
Speaker 2: So next year, I want to really be intentional about
9:22
Speaker 2: the things that I do that fill my cup, that
9:26
Speaker 2: enable me to bring my best self to the table
9:29
Speaker 2: when I come.
9:30
Speaker 3: So I'm very excited for you to be doing something
9:32
Speaker 3: next year. Kylie has just enrolled in school. Kylie's going
9:36
Speaker 3: to go back to school next year, which hopefully we'll
9:38
Speaker 3: fill your cup but not empty house, because because Kylie
9:42
Speaker 3: is going to become a florist.
9:44
Speaker 2: Kylie, well, I'm not going to become a florist, but
9:45
Speaker 2: I'm going to learn the art of floristry. That's probably
9:48
Speaker 2: a better way of saying it.
9:49
Speaker 4: It's so excited for you.
9:51
Speaker 2: I'm very, very excited about it.
9:53
Speaker 3: And whenever you've got school, let's say it's on a Wednesday,
9:56
Speaker 3: I'll be looking after dinner that night. Oh I love
9:58
Speaker 3: the idea of that we'll be having takeaway every Wednesday. Well,
10:03
Speaker 3: I think the only other thing that I was going
10:04
Speaker 3: to mention is.
10:07
Speaker 4: Everybody else. One of the big learnings.
10:09
Speaker 3: That I had this year is that everybody else always
10:12
Speaker 3: looks like they've got it together.
10:13
Speaker 4: And to me, that's a big.
10:14
Speaker 3: Learning because we usually I know, it's kind of that
10:18
Speaker 3: whole Instagram thing, right, we're watching everybody's highlights real and
10:21
Speaker 3: we're living the challenging parts of life that nobody ever
10:25
Speaker 3: gets to see. But it's more. I think what I've
10:30
Speaker 3: seen is that if everybody else does look like they've
10:33
Speaker 3: got it together, you probably look like you've got it
10:35
Speaker 3: together as well, which means that you probably do.
10:38
Speaker 4: And as I've thought about what.
10:39
Speaker 3: We've been doing as a family this year, you know,
10:42
Speaker 3: some of the conversations that we've had with our kids,
10:44
Speaker 3: I want to have more of those conversations. You know,
10:47
Speaker 3: if we're going to talk about what I want to
10:49
Speaker 3: I'll do better next year.
10:50
Speaker 4: I'll do better tomorrow. This theme.
10:52
Speaker 3: Some of the conversations we've had with our kids this
10:55
Speaker 3: year have made me think, I think we're doing okay
10:57
Speaker 3: with this parenting thing. There's some ups and downs. There's
11:00
Speaker 3: some bits that I wish we could redo. There's some
11:02
Speaker 3: bits that I wish would never have happened, and some
11:05
Speaker 3: of them are really challenging, even for the parenting expert
11:07
Speaker 3: that's written the books. And yet when I sit down
11:11
Speaker 3: and have these conversations with the kids, my heart is
11:13
Speaker 3: just so full of gratitude for the great people that
11:17
Speaker 3: they're becoming. And if I'm feeling that, I know that
11:20
Speaker 3: the people who are jumping into our Happy Families membership
11:24
Speaker 3: and the people who are engaging with us on Facebook,
11:27
Speaker 3: and even you, if you listen to the podcast.
11:30
Speaker 4: You're doing better than you think.
11:32
Speaker 3: And to other people who are watching you, they're shaking
11:34
Speaker 3: their heads and going, oh, man, I wish I could
11:36
Speaker 3: be as good as them as a parent. And the
11:38
Speaker 3: more people I've talked to, the more people I've watched,
11:40
Speaker 3: the more I've considered that this year, the more that
11:42
Speaker 3: stood out to me. So that's kind of a learning
11:45
Speaker 3: take the time to have the conversations with the kids
11:47
Speaker 3: build the relationships, and every now and again just pause.
11:51
Speaker 3: And you know, when you're climbing a mountain, you feel
11:54
Speaker 3: like you're not getting anywhere because you keep looking at
11:55
Speaker 3: the top of the mountain, thinking I'm never going to
11:57
Speaker 3: get there. I've been hiking for an hour to hours
12:00
Speaker 3: and the top is still that far away.
12:02
Speaker 4: And then you turn around and you look.
12:03
Speaker 3: At the view across the valley and you realize that
12:05
Speaker 3: you've come a long way, and I reckon, there's parents.
12:08
Speaker 3: We need to do that more in twenty twenty one.
12:12
Speaker 2: Well that fits them beautifully.
12:13
Speaker 3: With my last thinking, really, so just a quick heads up.
12:16
Speaker 3: We haven't orchestrated this at all. There's been no planning
12:19
Speaker 3: around this. I had no idea what you were going.
12:21
Speaker 4: To say, So what's your what's your last one?
12:23
Speaker 2: I just wanted to be more intentional about our family
12:25
Speaker 2: togetherness because this year, like you said, we've had some
12:28
Speaker 2: really beautiful moments where we've slowed the pace down. I've
12:32
Speaker 2: had a little bit of time out and been able
12:34
Speaker 2: to come back to the table, and we've had conversations
12:37
Speaker 2: with our kids that have just blown my mind in
12:42
Speaker 2: how they have interpreted or seen the way we do
12:45
Speaker 2: family life and been so grateful for their insights that
12:49
Speaker 2: helped me kind of just recognize that maybe we are
12:51
Speaker 2: doing all right.
12:52
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, without overdisclosing, one of the kids recently said
12:56
Speaker 3: to us, I really love how things working out family.
13:00
Speaker 3: I look at all my friends and they all fight
13:02
Speaker 3: with their parents all the time, but I really like
13:05
Speaker 3: how we don't fight in our family. So that's that's
13:07
Speaker 3: kind of what you're getting at, right, Yeah, yeah, I
13:10
Speaker 3: love that. Well. The future is uncertain. Who knows what
13:12
Speaker 3: twenty twenty one is going to bring, but may it
13:15
Speaker 3: for you bring the most wonderful celebrations, plenty of opportunities
13:20
Speaker 3: to be with your family, to make your family happier
13:24
Speaker 3: and much stronger relationships and bonds. As always, we hope
13:27
Speaker 3: that you've enjoyed the Happy Families podcast.
13:29
Speaker 4: We've had such a delightful time talking with you.
13:31
Speaker 3: We'll be back in mid January to continue the podcast
13:34
Speaker 3: and bring some light and life and love into your
13:38
Speaker 3: and your family's lives. In the meantime, If you do
13:41
Speaker 3: enjoy the podcast, hey, Christmas is the perfect time you're
13:43
Speaker 3: slowing down. You've got the opportunity now to jump onto
13:46
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts. Leave us a rating, and reviews so that
13:48
Speaker 3: next year more people can find the show and make
13:50
Speaker 3: their families happier. We'd be so grateful if you'd do that.
13:53
Speaker 3: A merry Christmas to you have a wonderful new year.
13:55
Speaker 3: A big thank you to Justin rule On from Bridge
13:57
Speaker 3: Media for his role in producing the podcast and making
14:00
Speaker 3: it sound as.
14:00
Speaker 4: Good as it does.
14:01
Speaker 3: We're also so appreciative to a new friend and a
14:03
Speaker 3: wonderful executive producer, Craig Bruce, for the great work that
14:06
Speaker 3: he's done in coaching us and helping us to figure
14:08
Speaker 3: out how we can say the stuff we want to
14:10
Speaker 3: say so that we can help you with your time
14:12
Speaker 3: poor parenting while still giving you really important answers. It's
14:16
Speaker 3: been a privilege to work with you, Craig, and if
14:18
Speaker 3: you'd like more information, as always about how we can
14:20
Speaker 3: help your family to be happier, you can find all
14:22
Speaker 3: the information you need at Happy families dot com dot au.