Latest / She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ / Refusing To Live an Ordinary Life With Holly Mutlu

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Refusing To Live an Ordinary Life With Holly Mutlu · She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ

• 0:02
  Hi listeners. Welcome to the.
• 0:04
  She speaks live podcast a weekly encouragement where we share our
• 0:09
  God's stories. I'm your host.
• 0:12
  Jamie Elizabeth and I am so glad you are spending time with us
• 0:16
  today to listen. Hi friend.
• 0:21
  Welcome back to, she speaks live podcast.
• 0:24
  I have with me, Hollie mutlu today, sharing her story of how
• 0:30
  God got her through depression, and anxiety after tragically
• 0:36
  suffering a stillborn birth of her daughter.
• 0:39
  They're all of that. God had put it on her heart to
• 0:42
  write a book of all things about Joy is called, Joy Is My Jam.
• 0:49
  She is Speaker and a Christian rapper.
• 0:53
  Yes, rapper and she has inspired me more than she knows.
• 1:00
  Holly, welcome to the podcast. Thank you, baby.
• 1:05
  I'm so excited to be here and I appreciate your kind words.
• 1:08
  I laugh, you're like, oh, you just inspired me so much and
• 1:12
  your courage. And I was like, I don't know if
• 1:15
  it's courage as much as just being crazy.
• 1:22
  Just daring to be different get that but I love watching your
• 1:30
  journey on Instagram. I don't know how I found you but
• 1:34
  oh my God you make me stop the scroll and go.
• 1:39
  This woman is out there rapping about Jesus.
• 1:44
  I mean how cool is that? And I'm going if she can do that
• 1:50
  Then I can do this. So, I know a lot of women are
• 1:54
  feeling the same way when they see you, say yes to what God had
• 2:02
  put in your heart because you could have easily, you know,
• 2:06
  stuff that you know Pat that down and said nope I'm not doing
• 2:10
  that. That's a little too much but
• 2:12
  yeah I wanted to ask you before we get into your whole God's
• 2:18
  story. Now was this Something.
• 2:21
  Just out of the blue, God, put rapping on your heart or have
• 2:25
  you always been interested in writing?
• 2:29
  I've always loved music period. So music is just always been a
• 2:33
  part of me. I don't even, I can't remember
• 2:36
  not loving music. I've served in every capacity of
• 2:42
  ministry. Worship was always a wonderful
• 2:45
  like just near and dear to my heart.
• 2:47
  But you know after getting into different roles, Pastor and
• 2:52
  things like that, you know, there's areas that you pull away
• 2:54
  from. So there was a season that I
• 2:56
  wasn't leading worship and but music is always been just
• 3:00
  ingrained in me and I it wasn't like, hey I want to be a rapper.
• 3:06
  I will say like I loved me some rap back in, you know, I'm okay.
• 3:12
  I turned 50 in a couple of months.
• 3:14
  So back in the 80s when rap first came out, like, it was
• 3:17
  like I was all about it, so, Then when we had Christian rap,
• 3:22
  that was like so cool. But when I wrote my book Joy Is
• 3:25
  My Jam. I was like, I'm just crazy
• 3:29
  daring and love to be different anyway.
• 3:31
  So I was like, oh, this will be fun.
• 3:33
  So my book cover is like me in a pair of MC Hammer pants with a
• 3:36
  Boombox and so, Philippine time to do a promo video for the book
• 3:42
  instead of doing the normal. Okay, let's sit down and talk
• 3:44
  about the book. I was like, I actually should
• 3:46
  write a rap. Like, I think it'd be cool to do
• 3:48
  a wrap. So I have some Friends that are
• 3:51
  Christian rappers. And so I messaged one of them
• 3:54
  and I was like, listen brother. Like I need your help on this.
• 3:56
  And and Like These Guys, these, their kids, they're like my kids
• 4:00
  age, right? So like I'm nesting.
• 4:03
  I'm like, Hey, listen brother, I need your help on this, like I
• 4:06
  want to write a rap and this is, as I said, I've got one line,
• 4:08
  I'm an ordinary white skinned, middle-aged mom.
• 4:11
  And I'm about to drop this lyrical bomb and he uses like
• 4:15
  shaking his head and he's like okay whatever.
• 4:17
  So yeah, the rap, I wrote that one.
• 4:20
  In line, he wrote the rap and then I somehow ended up doing a
• 4:24
  benefit concert for Recovery. I'm like in this green room with
• 4:28
  all these young people that are Christian artists that are like
• 4:31
  phenomenal. And I'm sitting there and I'm
• 4:33
  like, I'm a speaker and an author.
• 4:35
  I am not a rapper, what am I doing here?
• 4:38
  But like when everything first came out the rap, the book,
• 4:43
  everything was like in november-december, they had
• 4:45
  contacted me for this event in June and I was like, riding this
• 4:48
  emotional High going yell. Eric.
• 4:51
  Well then do you know, shows up and I'm like, what was I
• 4:53
  thinking but I went out there, I sang, my song, I Didn't Do It,
• 4:58
  the song was called, Joy is my jam and Reggie the gentleman
• 5:02
  that had wrote the song was in that audience that night and
• 5:04
  afterwards he's like Miss Holly. Miss Harley do.
• 5:06
  We got to do album but like I want you to write the whole
• 5:10
  thing. I want you to be a part of the
• 5:11
  whole process and I'm thinking, he's just like, okay, whatever,
• 5:14
  you know, just be a nice and he's like, give me a couple
• 5:17
  months. I'm gonna follow up with you and
• 5:18
  he did. And then we I wrote and recorded
• 5:21
  an album and then covid happened.
• 5:24
  So I was like, had this big year that I was all stoked about.
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  And then covid happened, which we all know everything shut
• 5:30
  down. So the album was well received
• 5:32
  but I didn't get to go out and do lots of things but I actually
• 5:37
  am in the studio. Now, finalizing a new project
• 5:40
  that comes out and cut the next couple months.
• 5:42
  So I'm super excited. So it was kind of like a flute
• 5:44
  really is. It was just like when the song
• 5:48
  came out for the book That was just as popular as the book.
• 5:53
  So I was like, yeah. Okay.
• 5:55
  There's something to this, but I don't think it's been like
• 5:59
  almost 50 year old. At the time I was 48.
• 6:02
  I think. 47 48. You know, Mom from the suburbs
• 6:08
  who's, you know, just a mom. I'm a grandma to, to be, you
• 6:12
  know. Hey, I'm going to be a hip-hop
• 6:14
  artist now like a Christian. Hip-hop are.
• 6:16
  Yeah, it's just unexpected. So when people ask me what I do,
• 6:19
  I'm like, At what point do I tell them that I just do that.
• 6:23
  I'm a speaker and an author or do I throw in a go?
• 6:26
  I'm a reference. Yeah.
• 6:27
  You know. All right.
• 6:31
  Make the jaw drop. Yeah guys.
• 6:34
  I know that's what like I love about you and I specifically
• 6:39
  remember you going around? I think it was a mall.
• 6:44
  Yeah. You were probably with Reggie,
• 6:46
  right? Was with red tea.
• 6:48
  Yeah yeah. And you go So listen to this rap
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  and so people will listen to it and then you go.
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  Do you think that this would be me?
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  Do you know that this was me or whatever you said, right, to
• 7:01
  make them think like, oh no, that's that's not you or they'll
• 7:06
  be like, oh my gosh, that's you. And I just loved looking at
• 7:10
  their faces that was the best video.
• 7:14
  We had so much fun doing that. We got kicked out of the mall
• 7:17
  eventually but we had a blast. We have a by side.
• 7:20
  It's kind of like Hey we're here representing the artist so it
• 7:23
  wasn't like we were lying because I was the artist but you
• 7:26
  know hey what do you think about the song?
• 7:27
  Give us a rating on one to ten and then then Reggie would be
• 7:30
  like, well what would you say if it was her?
• 7:32
  And so that was just a blast right now is the last and it's
• 7:35
  fun to do that now because I mean, I'll go places and people
• 7:37
  they're like, okay, you're a rapper.
• 7:39
  Okay. And so but it's not, it's funny
• 7:41
  because I think the bar set kind of well because they know how
• 7:44
  old I am and so it's I think that I get more credit for being
• 7:49
  better than what I actually. I am just because I'm older, I
• 7:52
  don't know. No, I think it's great.
• 7:55
  I think it's awesome. I love it and so I I know in
• 8:00
  order to experience Joy there we got to go through pain and I'm
• 8:06
  referring to just with my own experience in life, but I've
• 8:10
  been reading your book and you had said those same words and I
• 8:14
  think a lot of people can say that.
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  Also that that's when we really because A gift.
• 8:21
  It's not based off our circumstances right?
• 8:24
  And so you know take us back 23 years ago when you went through,
• 8:31
  that tragic events of losing your daughter, because I'm
• 8:38
  really believing that and you may say this too, is that you
• 8:44
  have experienced this Joy from that and writing this This book
• 8:51
  and rapping and doing all these things.
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  I think it really is an importance to you because you
• 8:57
  went through such suffering and such grieving pain.
• 9:02
  And so I just want you to take me and The Listener through what
• 9:10
  it was like 23 years ago and how you felt God holding your hand
• 9:17
  through the aftermath of that. Okay.
• 9:21
  I first want to say that I wouldn't be on this journey and
• 9:25
  where I'm at today had we not had Mia.
• 9:30
  Mia was our stillborn daughter and I say she never breathed a
• 9:35
  breath of air outside of my room.
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  However her life has impacted thousands and if God can do that
• 9:43
  with a little girl, that never took a breath of air outside of
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  the womb, what can he do with your life?
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  Because he can do so much more than what we could ever ask
• 9:55
  think, or imagine as the the word kathan.
• 9:58
  And so, but I remember my husband and I had had a
• 10:02
  miscarriage. And so that was devastating.
• 10:06
  And then we experience all of a sudden this this Joy of okay,
• 10:10
  we're going to have another baby.
• 10:12
  Okay, let's and and you get past that 12 meat week Mark and it's
• 10:16
  like, okay we're good. We're good.
• 10:19
  And and unexpectedly out of nowhere.
• 10:23
  I was, it was a snow storm in the middle of January here in
• 10:27
  Ohio. I had a doctor's appointment on
• 10:29
  a Tuesday, it stormed, my car got stuck in the drive.
• 10:35
  I couldn't get out. So I called in re scheduled for
• 10:37
  Thursday and and it was just a normal routine, doctor's
• 10:41
  appointment and then Thursday came and there was another
• 10:45
  storm. So I was still I can Still
• 10:48
  couldn't get out and, and then on Friday.
• 10:51
  And so, we rescheduled it for the following week.
• 10:53
  And then, on Friday, I started experiencing some weird
• 10:58
  spotting. And something in me, just of
• 11:01
  this isn't right. And I, my doctors went ahead and
• 11:05
  they just sent me. I had had this is before, there
• 11:08
  was any kick counts, right? So like, and I'm at this point,
• 11:11
  I'm almost seven months pregnant.
• 11:13
  And I went to the emergency room, they checked for the
• 11:17
  heart. They did an ultrasound.
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  I've got nothing. Like they're not telling me any
• 11:23
  information and then a nurse comes in sobbing and poor thing.
• 11:27
  Like, at that point, she just found out her brother-in-law was
• 11:29
  dying of cancer and she came in to tell me that my daughter was
• 11:33
  gone. And I remember sitting there and
• 11:35
  just being numb and at that point, feeling more sorry for
• 11:40
  her because he or she was having to deliver the news to me about
• 11:44
  my daughter as she is struggling with this devastating news.
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  But for her brother-in-law and I think it was easier for me to
• 11:50
  think about her than it was for myself to think about myself and
• 11:53
  what I was processing and I remember her telling me listen,
• 11:56
  you're good. You're going to have to go
• 11:57
  through Labor and Delivery. You're going to want to get
• 12:00
  taken pictures taken of heard. You're going to want to hold
• 12:02
  her. And I remember sitting there
• 12:04
  thinking it will gross like in my mind fast forward, and I went
• 12:13
  ahead by doctors, went ahead and do stuff me and I went through
• 12:17
  Labor. And after we had her, I then
• 12:20
  understood why they were like, you're going to want to hold her
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  and experiencing that, and just, I remember it was 2:00 in the
• 12:30
  morning and I just called my doctor and my father-in-law was
• 12:33
  an OBGYN. So, he was friends with my, my
• 12:36
  doctor, and so I kind of had special privileges, if you will.
• 12:41
  So it's two o'clock in the morning and I was like, I just
• 12:42
  want to go home and I at the time I didn't realize it was
• 12:46
  anxiety, But anxiety, I was written.
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  Even with anxiety, and I've never struggled with it before,
• 12:51
  and I was just like, I just want to go home.
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  I just want to get home. And so they released me at 2:00
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  in the morning. And let me go home and this we
• 13:01
  never talked about anxiety or depression in the church, right?
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  Like we're talking this is 23 years ago, right?
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  You just didn't talk about that stuff if you did.
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  It was kind of like well your faith, you know, it was Is just
• 13:18
  very, it wasn't what it is today.
• 13:20
  Thank God. Yeah.
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  I was more of a judgmental mentality, right?
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  Like you're not praying enough, you're not having faith enough,
• 13:28
  you know, that type of thing and so people were ashamed to be far
• 13:33
  from, you know? Yeah, we're front with it.
• 13:35
  And so, it was almost like, if you struggled with anxiety and
• 13:37
  depression, you are horrible. Christian is almost the way it
• 13:41
  made you feel. And so, I secretly and privately
• 13:45
  struggled with anxiety. I never told anyone my husband
• 13:49
  knew. My sister one or two of my
• 13:53
  sisters and I come from a big family.
• 13:55
  So I didn't really even tell all of them.
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  We had a funeral, we did all those things, but at the end of
• 14:01
  the day, we came home and life was supposed to be normal, but I
• 14:06
  there was no normalcy. Like my milk came in.
• 14:09
  I wasn't prepared for my milk to came in, no, but come in.
• 14:12
  Nobody told me your milk is going to come in.
• 14:14
  I mean, little things like that. So I wake up in the middle of
• 14:16
  the night and I'm drenched and I'm like what is going on?
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  I'm sobbing, non stop crying just and the anxiety became so
• 14:24
  paralyzing that I couldn't drive.
• 14:27
  I wouldn't, I wouldn't leave my house except for to go to church
• 14:31
  on Sundays, to put up a front that and it wasn't.
• 14:35
  Here's the thing is, it wasn't my church's fault.
• 14:38
  It wasn't that they were being judgmental.
• 14:40
  It was that the enemy had convinced me that there was
• 14:43
  shame and that I should be that I was the only one that felt
• 14:47
  this way and that nobody else deals with In that, you're less
• 14:50
  of a Christian. And here I am, I'm in
• 14:52
  leadership, you know, of the church and I shouldn't be
• 14:56
  dealing with this. And so there was just so much
• 14:59
  condemnation and so much that was attached to that.
• 15:03
  The enemy had convinced me and I bought Every Lie, Hook Line and
• 15:06
  Sinker which only isolated me more.
• 15:09
  Alright. So it just became this battle
• 15:12
  that I struggled with literally, for 11 months, and I didn't tell
• 15:16
  anyone, I remember standing in front of the church singing, Me
• 15:19
  and dropping my microphone and I was the only person I was do it
• 15:24
  like the special back when we had like tracks, right?
• 15:28
  And so I was doing this special and I literally dropped my
• 15:31
  microphone in the middle of the song, had a panic attack and
• 15:35
  just walked right out. I mean I can't tell you how many
• 15:38
  times I went to the emergency room, convinced I was having a
• 15:41
  heart attack and they're like, no, it's anxiety.
• 15:44
  And I'm like, no, no, no, you don't understand, like I'm
• 15:46
  having a heart attack. And not knowing.
• 15:50
  And finally after 11 months, I was like, I, I need help.
• 15:56
  And so I found an awesome counselor but like there are
• 15:59
  things like my arms literally ate and I couldn't figure out
• 16:02
  why a my arms hurt. And it was because here I am my
• 16:06
  body as a woman, as a mother. I was anticipating giving birth
• 16:11
  to life. And instead, I received death
• 16:18
  and in my mind, I like my body. I like, it was like my body knew
• 16:22
  I was missing something in my arms literally eggs, and this is
• 16:26
  before the internet, right? And so, we were talking earlier,
• 16:29
  just about the support groups that they have now in the
• 16:32
  organizations and the communities online that you can
• 16:35
  find, there was none of that the internet wasn't even around at
• 16:38
  the time. And so I remember going through
• 16:41
  the Yellow Pages just like flipping trying Find some sort
• 16:43
  of grief support and calling an 800 number and they were like,
• 16:49
  you need to get a doll or a dog and you need to hone it.
• 16:53
  And I'm like, you're in my mind. I'm thinking you're crazy.
• 16:58
  Like, I ended up getting a dog and it helped.
• 17:01
  Yeah. But you know, but my body is
• 17:03
  literally, my body was anticipating holding something
• 17:06
  and it was empty. Yeah.
• 17:07
  And I feel like that that physically was how I was
• 17:10
  emotionally. It was how I was spiritually
• 17:13
  like there was so much anticipation but I was so empty
• 17:18
  and I couldn't acknowledge and be able to heal until I love
• 17:22
  myself to feel And so I had spent all this time, stuffing
• 17:26
  all my emotions and trying to ignore everything because if I
• 17:29
  just ignored it then it would just go away.
• 17:32
  Little did I know it just became more of a time bomb and I found
• 17:37
  an amazing counselor that it just it was amazing.
• 17:41
  And she just helped walk me through healing and Trauma and
• 17:46
  things that I didn't even know that I was dealing with and it
• 17:50
  was like Mia was the greatest gift.
• 17:53
  I I was ever given she literally changed my life for the better
• 17:58
  and you know there I'm going to cry.
• 18:02
  There are times where people talk about national daughters
• 18:07
  day. And I think to myself, what
• 18:11
  would this be like, you know, had she been here?
• 18:15
  And then I go back to, I do have a daughter.
• 18:19
  I just get to see her on the other side of Eternity and she
• 18:23
  gets to skip this whole mess, right?
• 18:25
  That we we have here and and this time here is it is a gift.
• 18:31
  It is a blessing. And, but I feel like, you know,
• 18:36
  in the midst of all of this mess, She was an amazing gift
• 18:41
  that I was not expecting and I always say God's greatest gifts.
• 18:45
  Do not come wrapped up in a bow. It's almost like they come via
• 18:50
  UPS that has been a box that's been thrown around and misplaced
• 18:55
  and all these things and it shows up in your like what in
• 18:58
  the world is this, this is supposed to be a gift, but it's
• 19:00
  like all messed up and dented and and it's not until you
• 19:03
  unpack it and unwrap it and get to the very core.
• 19:06
  And you go, oh my goodness. This is so much more precious
• 19:10
  than what the box indicates. And so I feel like life
• 19:16
  circumstances, they things land on our front porch, in a
• 19:20
  beaten-up box, that just looks like it's junk.
• 19:24
  But when you begin to unpack it and open it up, you can see the
• 19:28
  beauty and and find the beauty and God truly does.
• 19:31
  He gives us Beauty for Ashes. Yeah.
• 19:34
  And and she was, she's one of the greatest gifts I've ever
• 19:38
  received. And we do have my husband, I did
• 19:40
  go on to have two more children. We have two boys that we had
• 19:45
  together and I have two stepsons.
• 19:46
  So I have four boys total, but Mia was just she was, she was an
• 19:53
  amazing gift that I can't wait to meet on the other side of
• 19:56
  Eternity. But on this side, she has again
• 20:01
  like I said before, made an impact that I never ever, ever
• 20:05
  could have anticipated. And I think people ask why buy
• 20:08
  me a lot and I learned to ask what now Mmm.
• 20:14
  Yeah. Wow.
• 20:17
  This is an incredible journey that you went on and you know
• 20:24
  turning into what you were saying, Ashes to Beauty, I mean
• 20:28
  for sure and you know panic attacks are not foreign to me.
• 20:32
  I had a mom who suffered from many years of panic attack.
• 20:37
  So as a child witnessing that with her, like she be driving on
• 20:42
  the road and having one and being Little girl helpless
• 20:47
  going. Oh my goodness.
• 20:48
  Like, I don't know. I just remember going, I cannot
• 20:50
  drive. I wish I could drive or I would
• 20:53
  dry right now to the hospital and it was the same thing with
• 20:57
  her feeling like it was a heart attack every time.
• 21:00
  So I've witnessed that I haven't experienced that but I've
• 21:07
  witnessed that and that's a scary thing and to get through,
• 21:11
  I mean I just love how God has shown you.
• 21:15
  Like the beauty out of this horrific event that happened to
• 21:21
  you. And so I appreciate you sharing
• 21:23
  all of this. What do you feel?
• 21:26
  Like when you're going through, you said you saw a therapist,
• 21:32
  what are maybe some other things that helped you get through that
• 21:37
  pain and depression time music worship music, when we take the
• 21:44
  focus off of our Elves and get lost in the presence of God.
• 21:51
  I always say, Joy isn't the absence of pain but it's the
• 21:54
  presence of God. And to be able to it's not like
• 21:59
  numbing yourself that still that that pain is still there but
• 22:04
  it's almost like it's just being able to focus in on the one.
• 22:09
  Who is the answer to all of the pain.
• 22:14
  Mhm. And you know I say Joy and Pain,
• 22:18
  you know the old Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock, You Know said Joy Joy
• 22:24
  and Pain go together like sunshine and rain.
• 22:26
  And joy and pain can't live in the same room, but they can live
• 22:32
  under the same roof and some days, it might feel like you're
• 22:37
  standing in the middle of the doorway and one way, you lean
• 22:42
  one way and you're in the room of pain but if you lean just a
• 22:47
  little bit, the other way you're in the room with joy but it's
• 22:51
  like you're you got one foot in each the doorway.
• 22:53
  It just kind of depends on which way you lean.
• 22:55
  And Times we have to lean into the pain because again, in order
• 23:00
  to heal it, we have to feel it but sometimes we've got to lean
• 23:04
  into the joy to because if we're not careful, it's just as easy
• 23:08
  to get lost in the pain, as it is, to try to numb it.
• 23:12
  And to have that pain, just kind of suck you in and get lost in a
• 23:17
  dark room. And you need like the therapist,
• 23:22
  the music, the people that you surround yourself, they help
• 23:25
  pull you out of the Room into the light and but music is just
• 23:32
  a phenomenal Weapon. It's a phenomenal weapon that we
• 23:37
  can use against darkness and the enemy and and to bring that
• 23:43
  sense of hope and joy. And when I did my album for my
• 23:50
  first hip hop album it was, it's called Joy Is My Jam the
• 23:54
  soundtrack because each song is based on a chapter chapter of
• 23:56
  the book. And there's a song.
• 24:01
  If anybody it right now is struggling with in the midst of
• 24:06
  something, that is difficult. I want you to go to listen to
• 24:09
  the song called The Glass, because what we did was we, when
• 24:14
  I wrote that song, we walked back to the things and that
• 24:17
  moment that I felt in the darkness and there was that time
• 24:22
  that I was sitting in the room. And this is before we had
• 24:25
  bottled water, like, all of our Water was from tap and I don't
• 24:30
  want to feel pain. I want to talk about Joy all the
• 24:33
  time. Just give me the adventures and,
• 24:36
  you know, makes sense. Why would stuff at all down,
• 24:38
  right? That's right.
• 24:40
  I forgot like what was that time?
• 24:42
  Like when we did not have bottled water.
• 24:46
  I'm so funny right, that up. Yeah, like so I'm sitting there
• 24:50
  at the table and I'm not a whiny kind of person, but I remember
• 24:56
  sitting at the table looking at And I'm like in the room by
• 24:59
  myself and and I'm like, Lord. Like I'm not a half glass for
• 25:06
  half and I guess I'm not a half, empty kind of person, I'm an
• 25:10
  upbeat person. I, I know that you're going to
• 25:14
  make a way out of this and and I'm just trying to see.
• 25:18
  I'm trying to see how you're going to do this.
• 25:21
  Because right now, I'm so stuck in my pain that I can't see
• 25:24
  beyond it, like, I can't see. See, I can't see past it.
• 25:29
  And and I remember looking over and on this table was a glass of
• 25:35
  water that was half full and I'm like God I'm a half full kind of
• 25:40
  girl but I can't seem to see the half full like right now it's
• 25:44
  really really feeling half empty and it was like the Holy Spirit
• 25:48
  spoke to me and was like that glass is not half full or half
• 25:52
  empty. It's overflowing And I'm like,
• 25:57
  huh? And in the Holy Spirit was like
• 26:00
  the water Is what you think is filling up that glass?
• 26:05
  Just because you see the water, you think that's what's killing.
• 26:08
  But actually, that glass is overflowing with air and I'm the
• 26:12
  Arab that you breathe, I am what you need.
• 26:15
  So if you were to fill that glass with water, with what you
• 26:18
  think you need, you're getting less of me.
• 26:23
  And this glass is overflowing. It's not empty, it's not half
• 26:28
  empty just because you can't see.
• 26:30
  It doesn't mean it's not there and so there is just this moment
• 26:37
  that it just all of a sudden it clicked and that's it.
• 26:40
  But I wrote this song called the glass and it to me I think it
• 26:45
  might always be one of my favorites because it is the raw
• 26:48
  emotion of God. You said You're My Healer,
• 26:52
  where's my Feeling like, where is it?
• 26:56
  Because I've been waiting, I've been waiting for a really,
• 26:59
  really long time, and I'm not seeing it.
• 27:01
  And so, there's those moments where this God is Not Just God
• 27:06
  to me. He is my father and I had to get
• 27:11
  real with him. And so having those
• 27:15
  conversations of God, I don't see your hand in this.
• 27:20
  I don't see. Like you're The Giver of Life.
• 27:25
  You know, but then the word also says he gives and he takes away.
• 27:32
  And so it's really like I navigated through the word I
• 27:35
  navigated through who God is. But then on the other side of it
• 27:40
  I got to know him so much more deeper and intimately that then
• 27:45
  it became. I'm going to trust you with
• 27:47
  whatever you throw at me, whatever comes my way, whatever
• 27:51
  you allow. So when something like hey I
• 27:54
  want you to wrap, that's a that's a no-brainer, okay?
• 27:58
  Lord like only people from of myself, I don't care.
• 28:02
  You know, I want you to write a book.
• 28:04
  Okay, Aunty that like those things seem so simple to me and
• 28:11
  I look at it and go, the outcome is not, the outcome is not what
• 28:15
  I'm focused on. My focus is not the outcome.
• 28:18
  My focus is simply being obedient to my father and
• 28:22
  allowing him to determine the outcome.
• 28:25
  And so any of the things that I do whether it's wrapping or
• 28:29
  writing a book or anything, That I go through.
• 28:34
  For me, it's not about the outcome.
• 28:37
  It's about being obedient in this moment.
• 28:39
  So God, what will you do? What do what do you have for me
• 28:42
  today? And what do I need to say yes to
• 28:46
  or no to. But how can I walk in obedience
• 28:49
  to you today? So good, Holly, I mean I'm
• 28:56
  motivated inspirational you are, I want to get out there and do
• 29:01
  that thing that I'm fearful of and and that's what the Eddie
• 29:05
  was going to cause us, he wants to freeze Us in fear and that's
• 29:09
  what I learned. Yeah, that's all anxiety and
• 29:12
  panic and in and we live in a society right now, wherever you
• 29:15
  stand on your political beliefs, it doesn't matter.
• 29:18
  We as a society, fear is polarizing us.
• 29:22
  And I go here, you got nothing on me.
• 29:26
  Like you can't write, it doesn't matter.
• 29:28
  If the enemy can accuse me of anything, anybody can say
• 29:31
  anything they want about me. It doesn't matter.
• 29:33
  True or untrue. God, I'm going to stand before
• 29:35
  you. I just want to be obedient to
• 29:37
  you, because we have a world that needs us, that not
• 29:41
  necessarily needs us, but needs Christ.
• 29:43
  And the world needs us to be obedient to him, because there
• 29:46
  are people who are so polarized by fear and anxiety and
• 29:51
  depression. Russian and and all the things
• 29:53
  that are going on. They need hope, right?
• 29:57
  Yeah. And Christ is the hope.
• 29:59
  We are just the messenger. That's right.
• 30:01
  I can sit here and listen to you all day here, girl, I mean this
• 30:04
  is just phenomenal, just encouragement and I love how God
• 30:11
  all those things he took you through and how it built up your
• 30:15
  faith and that's exactly, you know, how he works.
• 30:19
  Like if I could get through that then I can do this.
• 30:22
  Just like you're saying like rap no problem writing a book be
• 30:26
  okay. Yeah.
• 30:28
  I mean, you know, it's like, we want to get to that point of
• 30:32
  where it's like a given. Yes, you know, there's there's
• 30:36
  no fear, just pure faith and I know now in churches, have grief
• 30:43
  support, are you feeling? God has, put you in a place to
• 30:50
  be a a support to others in your local church or in your
• 30:56
  community who have gone through loss.
• 31:01
  Yes, absolutely. And it's because you see people
• 31:07
  and I'm a life coach and counselor so you know, I've
• 31:11
  people reach out to me. But my heart is, my heart is for
• 31:14
  the women who are struggling in the dark.
• 31:19
  Because how many people are walking around with these Smiles
• 31:22
  on their faces and their, you know, basically with their
• 31:26
  Instagram reality or, you know, their Instagram highlights
• 31:30
  versus the real real and they're trying to show up, they're
• 31:33
  trying to show up in life with their highlights.
• 31:34
  And I'm like, listen, you know, here's my reality, I've got a
• 31:38
  cute sweater on the top and I'm wearing tie-dye sweatpants at
• 31:41
  the bottom that don't match. And, you know, I'm just going to
• 31:45
  show you. This is what because there's a
• 31:47
  there's Thing that goes on, we're not going to find healing
• 31:51
  in the dark. And and so, for me, my I want
• 31:57
  like my heart hurts for anybody that's in pain, but especially
• 32:02
  for those who, whether they're in leadership positions,
• 32:06
  business owners for whatever reason.
• 32:08
  Well, known names, they, they don't have the safe place to
• 32:13
  heal. To be able to say, this is what
• 32:17
  I'm going through publicly and I think as we go through and see
• 32:21
  so many leaders who are hurting and going through so many
• 32:24
  different things and it's the news, I'm like, man, I wish they
• 32:28
  had somebody to be there and I, you know, 23 years ago I was at
• 32:33
  a church with 60 people and Leadership and and felt the
• 32:37
  pressure to be that way. I can't imagine the pressures
• 32:40
  that people feel now with all of the social media.
• 32:45
  Yeah, and all of that. And so, you know, being able to
• 32:48
  support those who have like this, I guess, public Persona.
• 32:57
  That's where my heart really is is for those that feel like they
• 33:01
  don't have that safe space and I love to be able to provide that
• 33:04
  safe space for them because it's desperately needed and I think I
• 33:09
  needed that so bad and and I'm praise God.
• 33:13
  Now that I'm in a position that I I'm able to provide that for
• 33:16
  others. Yeah, so good.
• 33:19
  And so well needed for sure. Well as we wrap it up, no pun
• 33:26
  intended. Would you love to leave us?
• 33:32
  Takeaway for us and then go ahead and share with the
• 33:37
  listeners are aware. They can connect with you.
• 33:40
  Your counselor life coach. I could see why you're even
• 33:45
  building me up as we speak here. Are so good.
• 33:49
  Thank you. I just want to encourage you
• 33:53
  that whatever it is that you're facing today.
• 33:57
  It might feel like a roadblock, but it's actually a building
• 34:02
  block, the enemy wants to give you a front frontal view, but
• 34:08
  when we pull back and we take a spiritual View, and we look from
• 34:12
  above there, actually, it's the issues actually much smaller.
• 34:15
  You get a different angle. And so sometimes it's like the
• 34:20
  that obstacle, whatever it is is right there in front of our face
• 34:25
  and it's just like the enemy makes it look so big that we
• 34:28
  can't get around it or over it or under it.
• 34:31
  But if we pull back and we ask for God to show us his
• 34:36
  perspective, then all of a sudden we pull back and it's
• 34:40
  almost like being in an airplane and seeing houses to where these
• 34:44
  huge houses are like tiny little dots.
• 34:47
  Yeah. Oh my gosh it's like a lake is
• 34:50
  like a little tiny dot on a piece of paper.
• 34:53
  All of a sudden you have this aerial view and you go.
• 34:56
  Wow. That's not near as big as what I
• 34:58
  thought it was because you're looking at it from a spiritual
• 35:02
  perspective of what God can do and how much bigger God is in
• 35:07
  it. So, as you face things in your
• 35:11
  life and those quote unquote, stumbling blocks or roadblocks,
• 35:16
  remember? Those are simply building blocks
• 35:18
  that God wants to use to strengthen you to into build
• 35:22
  your spiritual muscles so that you can help pull other people
• 35:27
  along when the time comes. And instead of asking why me
• 35:34
  Maybe ask what now or God? What do you want me to learn
• 35:38
  from this? And like control is a false
• 35:41
  sense of security we have. Yeah I think we really have no
• 35:44
  control over anything but yet we go.
• 35:46
  Okay. I feel like if I take control
• 35:48
  over everything, all of a sudden, like I feel like I have
• 35:50
  control with the reality is we lose even drive this even
• 35:53
  crazier, right? Well I just did a just did a
• 35:58
  podcast the other day and I was like, oh the three controls our
• 36:02
  words, our thoughts. Words and actions.
• 36:04
  Those are the three things we can't control.
• 36:07
  How we respond, right? Yeah.
• 36:10
  Yes. But it's like, we think we can
• 36:12
  control all these other things that we really can't know.
• 36:14
  So no we ain't. Yeah, I go.
• 36:16
  Okay, this is what I can control and I'm going to control the
• 36:19
  things that I can everything else.
• 36:21
  What? I'm submitting it to you and I
• 36:24
  feel like when we put the pressure on ourselves to
• 36:27
  perform, and when I say perform, I mean, just do whatever it is
• 36:31
  that we do, right? Um, whatever our calling is,
• 36:35
  when we put that pressure on ourselves, the outcome is up to
• 36:39
  us. And ultimately, at the end of
• 36:40
  the day, I may be so focused on the outcome.
• 36:43
  I'm going to miss the obedience and miss the lessons, and all of
• 36:46
  it. And so stay focused and on, on
• 36:50
  God, and being obedient to him and what he's calling to you in
• 36:53
  this very moment because at the end of the day, the outcomes up
• 36:57
  to him anyway. Right.
• 36:59
  That's right. And so I just want to encourage
• 37:01
  each one of you two. Just continue to exercise your
• 37:05
  faith and taking those steps of obedience and sometimes and you
• 37:10
  know what no matter what when you are obedient to him, that's
• 37:13
  getting you through that, that block and creating that
• 37:17
  spiritual muscle. And so, my big takeaway is, you
• 37:21
  know, just just take one step at a time.
• 37:23
  One step of obedience at a time and let him take care of the
• 37:26
  rest. So good.
• 37:29
  I love that. Okay.
• 37:31
  Where can we connect with you? Because I'm sure a lot are going
• 37:34
  to want to connect. Hearing your story.
• 37:38
  Yeah. On Instagram, it.
• 37:40
  I hang out mostly on Instagram. I do have Facebook of course and
• 37:44
  I'm getting them Tick Tock, you know?
• 37:47
  But Instagram is high is Missouri platform.
• 37:50
  I am mainly, and then I do, I'm on you.
• 37:57
  YouTube and I have a website hollywood.com so but Instagram
• 38:03
  is where you can DM me get direct access access and you
• 38:07
  know I definitely hang out in my DMs because I love to connect
• 38:10
  with people. Yeah, I'm happy.
• 38:12
  We connected. I and I am just honored that you
• 38:17
  are on here to share this journey with us as hard as that
• 38:22
  was. We can see on the other side
• 38:25
  with you the the beauty out. That and you will be reunited
• 38:31
  with Mia. And yeah, that's the hope.
• 38:35
  And that's the Glorious part of all of this.
• 38:39
  So I would lie and I will say one, other thing in closing is
• 38:42
  just the things that we go through our never wasted, Yeah,
• 38:48
  and how many Whatever It Is? God, always restores and makes
• 38:57
  gives us so much greater. If somebody would have told me
• 39:01
  as I was standing over me as Grave, that I was going to end
• 39:05
  up doing the things I was doing because of that situation, like
• 39:10
  I would have never believed it. Never and the impact that
• 39:18
  something is, especially something that the deeper, it
• 39:21
  cuts, the deeper the healing, the greater the impact, and so,
• 39:29
  You're you're never too far gone.
• 39:31
  Whatever it is that you're going through, God wants to use.
• 39:35
  So go through the process, be honest with him and get it all
• 39:39
  out, so that you can heal. Amen, to that.
• 39:42
  I did a podcast recently on that.
• 39:44
  Just pouring your heart over to God and praising him, even
• 39:48
  though you don't necessarily feel all that awesome.
• 39:53
  Yeah, definitely works. Eventually, The Joy will come
• 39:57
  and you'll be lifted. So, thank you, Holly, for coming
• 40:01
  on here. Thank you Danny, for having me.
• 40:06
  Thank you so much for listening today.
• 40:09
  I trust that God has encouraged you through this message for
• 40:13
  more information on this ministry and to access free
• 40:17
  downloads. Please visit my website at Jamie
• 40:21
  Elizabeth.com and sign up. You can also find me on
• 40:26
  Instagram and Facebook at Jamie Elizabeth she speaks life.
• 40:33
  That's ja why ma E Elizabeth, she speaks life.
• 40:40
  Until next time, my friends. I pray God, reveals himself
• 40:44
  through your own life story.