Latest / We Are More: Sisters Talk Faith & Feminism / Ep. 19: Diary of a Single Christian

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Ep. 19: Diary of a Single Christian · We Are More: Sisters Talk Faith & Feminism

• 0:00
  Welcome to the We Are More podcast.
• 0:13
  My name is Alyssa.
• 0:15
  And my name is Bri.
• 0:16
  We are two sisters passionate about all things faith and feminism.
• 0:20
  We believe that Jesus trusted, respected, and encouraged women to teach and preach His
• 0:25
  word.
• 0:26
  And apparently that's controversial.
• 0:28
  Get comfy.
• 0:30
  Hello.
• 0:31
  Welcome to our ASMR.
• 0:36
  No.
• 0:37
  People are going to think that's really what we're doing.
• 0:43
  No.
• 0:44
  Stop.
• 0:45
  You're throwing off my groove.
• 0:48
  People love ASMR.
• 0:49
  They do, but that's not why they come here.
• 0:53
  Welcome.
• 0:54
  Welcome, one and all.
• 0:56
  Stop it.
• 0:57
  We're not doing that.
• 0:59
  Unless that's our new- ooh, we could record a new intro song.
• 1:03
  It's just us doing that.
• 1:06
  And then the end has to be, God made you special.
• 1:09
  And He loves you very much.
• 1:11
  It's just going to be a combination of my kindergarten graduation and a Veggie Tales.
• 1:15
  That sounds logical.
• 1:16
  It's essentially what every episode is.
• 1:18
  Pretty much.
• 1:20
  I think the last episode as I was editing it, we tried to end on God made you special
• 1:25
  and He loves you very much, and I edited it out because I was like, I can't do this again.
• 1:30
  Good.
• 1:31
  I think, so we recorded yesterday too.
• 1:34
  We're going to be talking all week long.
• 1:36
  We're trying to prep.
• 1:37
  We're going to Disney in a few weeks, and so we're trying to advance record so that
• 1:43
  we can power edit and get everything done before we go.
• 1:46
  But I just got frustrated.
• 1:47
  Yesterday at the end of the day I was hot and tired and I just turned it off.
• 1:50
  I said, we're done, goodbye.
• 1:53
  She did.
• 1:54
  I could do that now too, but I won't because I love you.
• 1:57
  Also, we're only a minute and a half in.
• 1:59
  That's a good amount.
• 2:00
  I'm not 100% sure Spotify would even let us upload this.
• 2:04
  It's just a song.
• 2:05
  I could sing.
• 2:06
  I listen to our intro song every day of my life.
• 2:13
  I haven't listened to it in a long time.
• 2:15
  Every day of my life.
• 2:16
  I probably would have forgotten what it was.
• 2:18
  Because I have to plug it in and then when I'm editing I have to listen to it again and
• 2:24
  then when I upload I usually listen to it again and then I listen to it and it comes
• 2:27
  out.
• 2:28
  We can make a TikTok dance to our intro song and then we could be famous.
• 2:32
  I don't think we would.
• 2:36
  I know you wanted to be a ballet teacher, but neither of us are skilled in dance.
• 2:41
  And honestly, I fall so often.
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  I am not graceful.
• 2:46
  That's really a family trait.
• 2:48
  We do not have the most graceful family.
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  We all have two smaller feet.
• 2:53
  We can't stay stable.
• 2:55
  My daughter, she is in five dance classes this year I think.
• 3:01
  Five is a lot.
• 3:02
  Five is a lot.
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  And everywhere she goes she's like choreographing a dance.
• 3:06
  It's not just like bopping to the music or whatever.
• 3:08
  She's got music in her heart.
• 3:10
  She does.
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  It's in her soul.
• 3:12
  It's her heart song.
• 3:13
  What's that from?
• 3:14
  Heart song?
• 3:15
  It's a penguin movie.
• 3:16
  Oh.
• 3:17
  Oh.
• 3:18
  Oh.
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  It was like a super inappropriate.
• 3:22
  Pebble?
• 3:23
  Oh, Happy Feet.
• 3:24
  Happy Feet.
• 3:25
  Thank you.
• 3:26
  Oh, I was thinking of the other one.
• 3:27
  Pebble and the Penguin or something.
• 3:28
  Pebble and the Penguin, yeah.
• 3:29
  I remember that.
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  That was a depressing movie.
• 3:32
  The movies back then were like Once Upon a Forest.
• 3:36
  Yes.
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  Traumatizing.
• 3:38
  And we tried to turn on The Great Mouse Detective the other day and we got about three seconds
• 3:42
  in before my daughter screams and runs out of the room because it's terrifying.
• 3:46
  But it was like my favorite movies again.
• 3:49
  We were dark children it turned out.
• 3:52
  Did you hear that they're making, I'm doing air quotes, you can't see them, but I'm doing
• 3:56
  them, a live action Mufasa movie?
• 3:59
  Yeah, I've known about that for a while.
• 4:01
  Okay.
• 4:02
  Is that something we needed?
• 4:04
  No.
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  No one ever asked for that.
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  And no one liked the- okay, I'm sorry if you did out there, but did anybody like the remake
• 4:10
  of The Lion King?
• 4:12
  It was just The Lion King, but with different animation.
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  And also with animals that had no emotion.
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  And Zazu looked silly.
• 4:19
  He did look silly.
• 4:20
  Umba looked silly.
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  And I didn't like it.
• 4:24
  I just feel like until they can figure out how to make the hyper realistic animation
• 4:31
  style animals have emotion, maybe we just stop.
• 4:35
  Maybe we just back it up.
• 4:37
  Like The Little Mermaid, Flounder.
• 4:40
  Are you kidding me?
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  He was not great.
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  He was no Flounder.
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  No.
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  I loved her voice though, but Flounder terrified me.
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  And Scuttle.
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  Scuttle, they changed what kind of bird it was.
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  I don't remember what they changed it to, but they did change it.
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  Yeah, Scuttle was no longer a seagull.
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  Because it was the bird that can dive under the water.
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  Yeah, and stay down for a long time.
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  Yeah.
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  Like that dog in the park.
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  Oh yeah.
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  There's a dog that is in the park, close to where we live.
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  That's so descriptive.
• 5:09
  Thank you, Breanna.
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  This guy sits on the bench and he tells his dog to go out into the river and catch rocks.
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  The dog sticks his head completely under the water for like a long time and comes back
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  up with a massive rock in his mouth.
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  He's like a boulder.
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  He's like, look at me go.
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  And then he just gets another one.
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  Yeah, it's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.
• 5:32
  So today on Weird.
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  Anyways, today is gonna- ooh, we should title this Breanna's Therapy.
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  All right, I'll remember that.
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  Because today we're talking about singleness.
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  Hooray!
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  Hooray!
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  Hooray!
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  You ended the last episode- we recorded a little bit out of order, so it'll actually
• 5:54
  be the next episode for you guys, but we recorded it last night.
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  And you ended it by saying we talked about singleness and you're like, ooh, that feels
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  like a dirty word.
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  And I feel like that just kind of prompts the whole episode.
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  Yeah, it speaks volumes.
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  Well, just jumping right into it.
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  When especially in the Christian community, they hear that someone is single, they assume
• 6:22
  that there's something wrong with them or that they need to be fixed.
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  There's a problem that needs to be fixed.
• 6:30
  So you got your grandma's, your mother's, and Betty from the coffee station, they're
• 6:36
  all setting you up.
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  Oh, Betty.
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  They're all setting you up on dates with the UPS delivery driver, with the guy that
• 6:44
  they met at the grocery store, and maybe their grandson's friend from his Bible study.
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  Oh my.
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  I literally feel like lions and tigers and bears.
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  Because you feel like, what's wrong with me?
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  Because people- now I want to go at this subject very gently with a lot of kindness because
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  I know that for the most part people's intentions are good.
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  But they ask you a lot of weirdly personal and uncomfortable questions.
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  Like, you're so pretty, how are you still single?
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  And I think I made a TikTok about that.
• 7:28
  I think you did.
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  I don't know if people know that that's a little bit offensive.
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  What's wrong with you that you're still single?
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  It can't be your looks, it must be your personality.
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  I'm insane and I murder!
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  Well, we can't put that part on TikTok.
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  No, I'll probably get flagged.
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  Probably.
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  But yeah, people just- a lot of times they don't necessarily vocalize it, but the underlying
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  feeling is what's wrong with you?
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  And then if it gets asked that many times, you start to think, what's wrong with me?
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  And here's where we get into our therapy.
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  Ah, good.
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  I have at least two college classes worth of training for this.
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  Good.
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  I have a lot of art classes behind me.
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  Too many ceramics classes.
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  But yeah, when you are asked those questions constantly, people don't realize that they
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  may be hitting at something that's uncomfortable for you.
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  And not just me, but people in general, maybe there's something about you that you're uncomfortable
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  with.
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  Or maybe you've been hurt by people in your past.
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  Maybe it's women who have gone through divorces, or men that have gone through divorces, or
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  maybe someone's died, or maybe they just have trauma in their past that they struggle with
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  relationships or being single, and now you're opening that can of worms with them.
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  Oftentimes I think without having a relationship behind it.
• 9:01
  Exactly.
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  And to me, I'm relating to this on a very just knowing you level, but because you've
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  been married a really long time.
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  And even before you were married, you were not single.
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  Not often.
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  You're like my mother.
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  Yeah, but our mother dated a billion different guys.
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  I think I had like four boyfriends, not a lot.
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  I think our mother has been in a relationship with someone since she was in the womb.
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  Her first boyfriend was like preschool?
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  I think she popped out of grandma and was like, ah, a male nurse!
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  But I think that speaks to not just our family, but Christian culture as a whole, is that's
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  the expectation, is that the girls are going to be boy crazy from moment one, and that
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  has to be your whole focus until you get married at the ripe old age of 18.
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  It's moved a little bit from that, you're seeing people get married a little bit older,
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  but it's still relatively very young.
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  And I think not in the Christian sphere necessarily, there's this view of empowerment with the
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  idea of being single, but specifically in the church, it feels like it's a dirty word
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  to be single.
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  I remember being in church one time and the pastor from the pulpit was like, all the single
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  people raise their hands!
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  See there's no need for dating apps, they're all right here, get together!
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  That's so gross.
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  And it's like, that's not why I'm in church!
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  That is not why I'm sitting here, I want to build my relationship with Jesus, not with
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  my neighbor.
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  And I don't want to shake their hand!
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  I hate shaking hands.
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  I hate it!
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  That's the one good thing from COVID, they stopped doing that most places.
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  Not all churches.
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  Not that one church I was at, gosh dang it.
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  I saw a thing online, it was just like a repost of a repost, and someone had told this girl,
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  well boys don't like to see you show up to class every day in sweats, so you should dress
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  up a little bit nicer, and her response was, well conveniently I am not paying $40,000
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  a year so that Bill from chemistry can have something cute to look at.
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  I saw, get ready guys, I saw this TikTok.
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  It was so funny, I'll have to repost it on our account.
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  This girl is just like, the issue that men are going to have with women now is that they're
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  competing with me, because I enjoy my own company enough that now you're not in competition
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  with other men, you're in competition with me.
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  Can you make me want to spend more time with you than I want to spend with myself?
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  Well I think that's so valid.
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  Are you bringing enough into my world that it's worth me giving up, and I'm saying this
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  from your perspective, but giving up the freedoms that you have, the ability to, if your work
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  says, hey we're going to Florida next week, up and go.
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  And I have done that, it's fun.
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  If you want to spend $100 on skincare, you don't need, whoa, hey, I feel under attack.
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  We've talked about this at least three times.
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  But I think there was a time when for women, I don't want to say had to, but in a lot of
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  ways, you kind of had to find a man for financial stability, just to survive out in the wild.
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  I mean realistically, up until semi-recent history, I mean you look at like the 1950s,
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  1960s, it would have been tough for a woman to have a job that was fully supporting her.
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  And getting her a house, and getting her whatever it was that she needed.
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  And now we are at this place where you don't need a partner, so the question becomes do
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  you want a partner, and the further question becomes do I want you as a partner?
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  Because there's also this other trend going around right now where it's like when you
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  go on a date with a guy, guys aren't asking questions.
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  The girls are spending all this time asking about your job, about your family, about your
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  aspirations, about so much about you just to keep the conversation going, but it's completely
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  a one-sided conversation.
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  So by the end of the date, the guy thinks it went great because he got to talk about
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  himself for an hour and a half, but the girl leaves feeling like, wow, I'm drained and
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  that was not great for him.
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  And there was a time where it would have been like, well, that's just what marriage is and
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  you just have to accept that that's how men are and whatever.
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  But you don't have to.
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  You don't have to.
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  And I think it's more empowering to say I'm going to wait until I find that good person.
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  Maybe people are going to be like, oh, your expectations are too high.
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  Oh no.
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  No, they're not.
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  In fact, I'm going to raise them a little bit higher.
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  If you're looking for a lifelong partner, it's tough to live in the same space with
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  somebody to sleep in the same bed with somebody or anything.
• 14:20
  If you're looking for that, we have talked about way worse on this podcast.
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  If you're looking for that, be so picky.
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  It's insane.
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  One of the things on my notes is if I wanted to, I would.
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  Well, you've had like two proposals basically in the last couple of years.
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  If I wanted to be married right now, I could absolutely go on one of the dating apps or
• 14:47
  contact one of my exes.
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  They were ready to marry you at that moment.
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  I'm just really great.
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  I don't know what to tell you.
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  There's so much pressure from the Christian community.
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  And I noticed my own therapy, looking back through my life, the reason that I'm on the
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  dating apps or the reason that I'm going out on these dates with people who really, I don't
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  even really care to be around is because of this societal pressure.
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  There's something wrong with you and you need to be fixed.
• 15:21
  And I noticed when I was in these relationships, air quotes, people seemed more comfortable
• 15:27
  around me, I would say.
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  They felt like, okay, now we can talk to her about this stuff.
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  And I have something to communicate with her and relate to her about rather than how about
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  me?
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  Am I enough?
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  If she's talking to me about my interests or the things that I aspire to do or my job
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  or whatever it is, that's upsetting.
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  It feels icky.
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  I'm not enough.
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  And it keeps going back to that question, am I enough?
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  Am just me enough?
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  But God says that we are.
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  Jesus was single.
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  Jesus was single.
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  Wasn't it Paul that said it's better to be single?
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  I have it written down.
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  Don't worry.
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  Let's go.
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  So, 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse 7, he says, I wish that all of you were as I am, but
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  each of you has your own gifts from God.
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  One has this gift and other has not.
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  And then he goes on to say, now to the unmarried and the widows, I say, it is good for them
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  to stay unmarried as I do.
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  But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry for it is better to marry than
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  to burn with passion.
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  Paul cracks me up.
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  I know.
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  There is nothing wrong with being single.
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  There's nothing wrong with being married because each individual has their own calling.
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  And I think that we've really screwed it up in the church.
• 16:54
  We've made it kind of a hostile environment for single people.
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  I have not felt comfortable in a church in I don't know how long.
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  Because every women's Bible study is geared towards women with children or sermons are
• 17:11
  given about being married and the relationship of a married couple.
• 17:16
  If we're talking about single people at all, it is to fix them.
• 17:19
  It is to fix them up with someone.
• 17:22
  It's not saying, hey, you have your own calling.
• 17:24
  That's great.
• 17:25
  Right.
• 17:26
  I don't think that I was as aware of that as I should have been until we started talking
• 17:32
  about this stuff.
• 17:33
  Because they've been married for a really long time and it's hard to get out of your
• 17:35
  own situation.
• 17:38
  And once we started talking about that, about your discomfort in church and about how they
• 17:44
  never talked to you and things like that, I started paying more attention.
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  And my gosh, the amount of sermons for married people, parents, which is a different issue,
• 17:57
  but a similar issue.
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  And you never, never, ever, ever, ever hear them speak to single people.
• 18:08
  Even in a side note, much less a full sermon, but you will absolutely hear a full sermon
• 18:13
  for husbands or for wives or whatever.
• 18:18
  And I hope that that's what these episodes can do for you guys is to give you a different
• 18:22
  perspective depending on whether you are single or married.
• 18:24
  Or feel a sense of community.
• 18:26
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 18:27
  I saw a TikTok.
• 18:31
  I don't know if this guy has a podcast or what, but I did repost it on our TikTok so
• 18:35
  you can go look it up.
• 18:37
  He said, God cares so much more about you than he does about marriage.
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  Because Jesus didn't die on the cross for marriage.
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  He died on the cross for you.
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  And he cares so much more about you.
• 18:51
  And I thought that was so empowering.
• 18:54
  Even if you are in a marriage, God cares about you individually.
• 18:58
  And he cares about your husband or wife individually.
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  More than he cares about the relationship between the two of you.
• 19:05
  Exactly.
• 19:06
  And not that he does not care about your marriage, but he cares so much more about you and your
• 19:12
  relationship with him.
• 19:13
  And the path that he's laid out for you, whoever you are.
• 19:17
  I wonder, so when you read that verse, the thing that-
• 19:20
  Yes, I can read.
• 19:21
  So proud.
• 19:22
  That's what stood out to me.
• 19:24
  And I can read.
• 19:25
  Well.
• 19:26
  One of the things that stood out to me was the first part where Paul says, I wish you
• 19:32
  were all as I am.
• 19:34
  And I think that we talked at the beginning of, we want to be careful not to blame anybody
• 19:39
  for how they may talk.
• 19:42
  Maybe we want to blame them a little bit.
• 19:45
  I want to be a little bit kind.
• 19:48
  But I think that's where most people come from in most situations.
• 19:53
  Not even just this one.
• 19:54
  When you talk to anybody, it's like, I wish you were a clone of me because then I would
• 20:00
  just know exactly what to say to you.
• 20:02
  Now, first of all, a clone of me would be very annoying and I would not enjoy that.
• 20:05
  I totally agree.
• 20:10
  But I think people who have been happy and fulfilled in their marriages think in their
• 20:17
  heads, and I hope I'm saying this properly because I'm not really defending the behavior,
• 20:21
  but I think in their heads they're like, this made me happy and fulfilled me, therefore
• 20:26
  it must make you happy and fulfill you.
• 20:30
  And we forget that God did not make us all the same way.
• 20:34
  He did not make us all to be fulfilled in the same way.
• 20:38
  Marriage might be one person's path to happiness.
• 20:41
  It might not be in others.
• 20:42
  It might be one person's path to misery.
• 20:45
  And it's not something that you have to absolutely decide right now.
• 20:48
  For me, I am years old and I'm still not sure.
• 20:54
  I don't know if that's something that would make me happy or make me sad.
• 20:58
  I think it depends on if I happen to find the right person and decide to take a husband.
• 21:04
  But I'm not sure yet.
• 21:06
  I'm really trying to focus right now on finding my contentment in God instead of finding it
• 21:13
  in a person, another person, which I wish that we could tell to everybody, married
• 21:19
  or not, find your contentment in God because that's going to fulfill your life so much
• 21:23
  more.
• 21:24
  I hate the phrase and even from a married perspective, people say this all the time,
• 21:31
  he's my other half.
• 21:32
  He's my better half.
• 21:33
  He completes me.
• 21:34
  I hate that because you need to be, in order to have a healthy marriage, you need to be
• 21:41
  a whole person all on your own.
• 21:43
  You need to strive to find what God wants for you all on your own, with or without the
• 21:48
  spouse.
• 21:49
  And so if you're only half a person and your spouse is, I guess, the other half of that
• 21:54
  complete person, you're both a mess.
• 21:58
  You're bleeding, like organs are falling out.
• 22:01
  It's messy.
• 22:02
  Be a whole person, please.
• 22:04
  Isaiah 41 10, if you're looking for something to drive home your point even further, says,
• 22:11
  fear not, I am with you.
• 22:12
  Be not dismayed for I am your God.
• 22:14
  I will strengthen you.
• 22:15
  I will help you.
• 22:17
  I will uphold your righteousness.
• 22:19
  And then it goes dot dot dot because I just Googled it and I only see half the verse.
• 22:25
  But God should be the one completing you.
• 22:27
  It should not be a human person.
• 22:29
  Well, notice that that verse does not say, and God will be there for your marriage and
• 22:36
  God will be there for both of you.
• 22:39
  God didn't necessarily intend for everybody to pair up.
• 22:44
  Because if he had, Jesus would have had a spouse.
• 22:48
  Yep.
• 22:49
  Because he is our example.
• 22:51
  That is, we say WWJD.
• 22:53
  What would Jesus do?
• 22:54
  Is that a thing people still say?
• 22:56
  Oh, they wear it on their bracelets.
• 22:57
  Do they still wear those bracelets?
• 22:58
  I don't know.
• 22:59
  I have a playlist on my phone called WWJD.
• 23:03
  You also have a playlist called Not For Mom.
• 23:05
  Yeah.
• 23:06
  I also made one yesterday called The Plane, The Plane that I'm gonna listen to on the
• 23:13
  plane.
• 23:14
  But he's who we should be looking at to model our life after.
• 23:21
  And so maybe everybody should be single.
• 23:22
  I don't know if we want to go all the way there.
• 23:26
  I think the point is, you do, you argue me.
• 23:29
  I'm kidding.
• 23:30
  Thank you.
• 23:31
  I think that a fear that people have in regards to singleness is that they don't want to die
• 23:38
  alone.
• 23:40
  At least that's gone through my head like, well, do I want to be married right now?
• 23:44
  No, not really.
• 23:45
  But do I want to die alone?
• 23:47
  No.
• 23:48
  But I think we need to rethink what alone really means.
• 23:54
  Because if I look at my life, I'm surrounded by people that love me because I'm really
• 23:58
  great.
• 23:59
  I have a huge family that I assume loves me.
• 24:04
  Maybe not after this.
• 24:05
  Maybe not.
• 24:06
  Sorry.
• 24:07
  A little less.
• 24:09
  And I have friends around me and I want to surround other people with love.
• 24:13
  And I feel like that's not alone.
• 24:17
  You might not be romantically involved with someone, but that doesn't mean that you're
• 24:21
  any less worthy of love.
• 24:24
  I think the concept of romantic love being the be all end all is very strange.
• 24:32
  Just because people are horny little devils.
• 24:36
  Thank you.
• 24:38
  Mom is not gonna like that.
• 24:40
  Sorry, mom.
• 24:41
  That's definitely a huge part of it.
• 24:42
  But at the end of the day, romantic relationships can be great.
• 24:49
  Not saying anything against them.
• 24:51
  I have a great husband.
• 24:52
  But they're not the be all end all of your life.
• 24:56
  Because anything could happen.
• 24:59
  Let's say you have the best marriage in the whole world.
• 25:02
  Your spouse could die.
• 25:04
  Your spouse could do something terrible.
• 25:06
  Your spouse could divorce you.
• 25:08
  There are a million options where even if you get married, you still could die without
• 25:15
  a romantic partner.
• 25:16
  I don't want to say alone because you have a choice with your community, but you could
• 25:20
  die without a romantic partner.
• 25:22
  One with the other.
• 25:23
  They could die before you.
• 25:25
  Our greatest calling as a group of Christ followers is to bring other people to Christ.
• 25:33
  To glorify the kingdom of God.
• 25:35
  Our number one calling is not get married have babies.
• 25:39
  Yep.
• 25:40
  Yeah.
• 25:41
  Thanks, Butker.
• 25:42
  And yet, like that is if an alien race were to come down and go to 20 church services.
• 25:49
  Aliens are real.
• 25:50
  I'm convinced.
• 25:51
  And take a survey of what was talked about in these church services.
• 25:55
  I absolutely guarantee you that the conclusion behind those 10 church services without reading
• 26:03
  the Bible, whatever, just from church would be Christians are required to get married.
• 26:10
  I guarantee it.
• 26:12
  That's how it feels.
• 26:14
  Like it's a requirement to be part of the faith.
• 26:17
  Like you don't get to walk in the door.
• 26:21
  Poor Paul.
• 26:22
  He didn't know.
• 26:23
  He wrote half the Bible.
• 26:25
  He did.
• 26:26
  He really did.
• 26:28
  Another major overarching theme, I would say to singleness is that your life doesn't begin
• 26:36
  until you find that other person.
• 26:39
  Yeah.
• 26:40
  And I have spent so much of my life being like, I'm just waiting for my life to begin.
• 26:45
  Like when you're a kid, you're like, sing the song.
• 26:48
  When will my life cut that up?
• 26:54
  When you're a kid, you're like, oh, if I could just get into high school, I'll have some
• 26:58
  freedom.
• 26:59
  And then when you're in high school, you're like, I just need to get away from my parents.
• 27:02
  I need to go to college so I can have some freedom.
• 27:07
  And then my life will really start.
• 27:09
  And then you get out of college and you're like, I just need to find my partner.
• 27:16
  Because the world is telling you that you need to find that completeness in a partner
• 27:21
  and that right now you're living a half life.
• 27:23
  Right.
• 27:24
  Well, you're over 50% of a person.
• 27:27
  Constantly.
• 27:28
  Your whole life is just sitting, waiting, wishing.
• 27:31
  And I think we need to change that perspective for people.
• 27:35
  I think we need to tell them your life has begun, baby girl, whether you like it or not.
• 27:41
  And you get to make what you want of it.
• 27:44
  Right.
• 27:45
  So start doing what you want to do.
• 27:47
  If that is finding a romantic partner, go find one.
• 27:52
  They're easy to find.
• 27:55
  I asked you this the other day too, and I think it's applicable to a lot of Christian
• 27:59
  women when you are in college as a Christian woman, especially if you go to a Christian
• 28:05
  college.
• 28:06
  It is all about marriage.
• 28:08
  And I know we've talked about this before, but marriage is pushed, pushed, pushed.
• 28:12
  And you'll have people asking you if you've gotten your MRS degree yet.
• 28:16
  Yes, I have been asked that.
• 28:20
  And then I'm going to say Christian women in particular, and this is not every single
• 28:24
  Christian woman, but I think that this is a problem that we face as a group, is that
• 28:31
  you're almost encouraged not to really worry that much about what major you have in college
• 28:37
  because you're probably not going to work that much anyway.
• 28:39
  You're just going to get married and be a stay at home mom.
• 28:42
  And you really don't have to worry about your career that much.
• 28:45
  Just get a job that'll hold you over until you find a man.
• 28:50
  Until you start your real life.
• 28:53
  So was that something that you felt dealt with?
• 28:56
  Absolutely.
• 28:57
  Absolutely.
• 28:58
  Yeah, I was asked, did you get that MRS degree yet?
• 29:01
  What's the point of you going to that college anyways?
• 29:04
  Direct quote.
• 29:07
  No hate, no shame, trying to be gentle.
• 29:09
  It's going really well.
• 29:12
  But yeah, if you didn't know this, I have a degree in art.
• 29:17
  They really hadn't caught on to that.
• 29:19
  And part of it was just, I was told just get a degree.
• 29:24
  Just get a degree and then you can get whatever job you want, blah blah blah.
• 29:29
  But I think so many women, especially Christian women, don't anticipate using that degree
• 29:37
  at all because the idea of marriage is so pushed.
• 29:41
  And I definitely experienced that.
• 29:43
  And shocker, I'm not married right now.
• 29:45
  So it's going really well for me.
• 29:47
  Well, even our mom, again, just pretty boy crazy.
• 29:51
  So sorry mom.
• 29:55
  That could be another level of the TikTok that we post.
• 29:57
  We're going to compile all the times we say sorry mom.
• 30:00
  And then when we have to say so sorry mom, that's a different one.
• 30:04
  That's a whole different level.
• 30:06
  I'm so sorry.
• 30:10
  But she started college and this was a different generation, so different time.
• 30:16
  But she started college assuming that she wouldn't finish.
• 30:20
  And so she just picked a major.
• 30:22
  Whatever I can't remember exactly how she chose it.
• 30:26
  There's a funny story behind it.
• 30:27
  For me, it was just I had the most credits in art.
• 30:31
  And I was like, I need to get my butt out of the school.
• 30:33
  How can I get it out?
• 30:37
  How can I get out as soon as I possibly can?
• 30:39
  We were also spending the most money anyone could spend on college.
• 30:43
  I'm really hoping this podcast makes us just good jillionaires because I'll pay off my
• 30:47
  student loans.
• 30:49
  I'm pretty sure that we picked the most popular topic to make money on.
• 30:55
  Christian feminism.
• 30:56
  Christian feminism.
• 30:57
  People love that.
• 30:58
  Yeah, they really do.
• 30:59
  Some people love that.
• 31:04
  And who does?
• 31:07
  Our bestie Beth.
• 31:08
  Our bestie Beth.
• 31:10
  Actually, so this is totally a side topic, but we've talked about Beth Alison Barr seven
• 31:15
  billion times at this point.
• 31:17
  I know, she is our bestie.
• 31:19
  And she wrote a book called The Making of Biblical Womanhood.
• 31:21
  And it's all about how the concept of the modern Christian ideal woman, the tame traditional
• 31:30
  housewife, etc, etc, came about historically and how it really was not ever biblical or
• 31:37
  ever happening even in Jesus's time, how we created it.
• 31:41
  So just phenomenal book.
• 31:44
  I posted a quote today on our Instagram permit.
• 31:47
  Yeah, you did.
• 31:48
  But she is coming out with another book.
• 31:51
  She just announced it.
• 31:52
  It's not out until March.
• 31:53
  So that's a bit of a bummer.
• 31:54
  Can we preorder it?
• 31:55
  We can preorder it, but it won't come to us till March.
• 31:57
  Piss, piss, piss.
• 32:00
  But if you are interested, it's called Becoming the Pastor's Wife, How Marriage Replaced Ordination
• 32:06
  as the Woman's Path to Ministry.
• 32:08
  And once that comes out, I'm gonna do 12 whole episodes on that book, I swear.
• 32:12
  I think it really plays into the singleness aspect here.
• 32:14
  Because in The Making of Biblical Womanhood, she talks about how back in the medieval type
• 32:20
  era, because that's her specialty, single women were considered closer to God in a way.
• 32:32
  They were more likely to be taken seriously in the churches.
• 32:35
  They were more likely to be given responsibilities by the churches, to be able to teach and preach.
• 32:41
  Because they hadn't done the deed.
• 32:43
  Yeah.
• 32:44
  And that really, that's what it boils down to.
• 32:45
  Which is not, I'm not holding this up as a shining example or anything.
• 32:49
  It's still stupid.
• 32:51
  But it's so interesting that we've moved from singleness was a woman's greatest calling
• 32:57
  or most ability to serve God.
• 33:01
  And we've moved to now, like she says, becoming a pastor's wife, where for a woman, the closest
• 33:09
  you can get to serving God in so many Christian circles is marriage.
• 33:15
  How isolating does that feel to someone who's not married, who doesn't have children?
• 33:22
  How do you feel like you can be close to God?
• 33:25
  You feel like something's wrong with you.
• 33:28
  You look at your churches and it's almost strange.
• 33:32
  If you were to walk in and just scan the room, it's almost strange to see someone sitting
• 33:38
  by themselves.
• 33:40
  And not because, oh, churches are such wonderful, friendly places and people just all love to
• 33:44
  sit together.
• 33:45
  That's not it.
• 33:46
  They're not all wonderful, friendly places.
• 33:49
  Trust us.
• 33:51
  It's that people have paired off and they're dating and or married and the single people
• 33:59
  have left.
• 34:00
  Yup.
• 34:01
  Because they didn't find a welcome home there.
• 34:03
  I haven't.
• 34:05
  For example, I know that we've talked about this before, but Alys and I attended this
• 34:11
  church for a blip the same amount of time, really.
• 34:15
  I was there, you and Nathan and the kids were there and all the people really flocked to
• 34:22
  you guys because you're a young family and that's what they want.
• 34:26
  They want the young blood.
• 34:29
  That was scary.
• 34:32
  And they invited you to lunches and dinners and they made an effort to remember your name.
• 34:40
  And I had been going there the same amount of time.
• 34:42
  You were sitting next to me.
• 34:44
  It's not like you were alone on the other side of the room in a corner.
• 34:47
  Not only did people not bother to know my name, they confused me with you.
• 34:52
  I had several people come up to me and be like, oh, where's your husband?
• 34:55
  I'm like, that's literally not me.
• 34:57
  I know that we look alike, but that's my sister.
• 35:02
  We do look alike.
• 35:03
  And it's like, I didn't even know you existed.
• 35:05
  That's how it feels.
• 35:07
  And that's just time after time how it feels to be a single person in church is just invisible
• 35:13
  or a problem.
• 35:14
  I mean, yes, we do look a lot alike, but it's not like we had been there a week.
• 35:20
  We had been there months and at that point we don't look that much alike.
• 35:26
  We're not twins over here.
• 35:28
  No, I'm two inches taller.
• 35:31
  And she looks a significant amount older.
• 35:35
  So watch your mouth.
• 35:38
  I'm gorgeous.
• 35:39
  Gorgeous and elderly.
• 35:40
  I know.
• 35:41
  I feel elderly.
• 35:42
  That's why I spend a hundred dollars on skincare.
• 35:49
  Well, it's good skincare, if that's helpful.
• 35:53
  And because you're single, you have the freedom to do that because you don't have as many
• 35:56
  bills.
• 35:57
  You don't have to feed a boy.
• 36:00
  They're expensive to feed.
• 36:01
  They're really annoying.
• 36:02
  They eat a lot of stuff.
• 36:04
  So Christian people are so about pushing marriage and pairing you up.
• 36:10
  However, people are meeting these days on apps and on whatever.
• 36:17
  That's not how you're supposed to do it.
• 36:18
  I feel like that's what comes from Christians is-
• 36:20
  You can go on Christian Mingle.
• 36:22
  And that's your only option.
• 36:24
  I think there's like a up something app that's more geared towards Christian people.
• 36:30
  I forget what it's called, like Upwards or something.
• 36:33
  But the people on there are not any better.
• 36:35
  I was in a Bible study a few years ago and it was me and a bunch of divorces.
• 36:40
  You've referenced this many times.
• 36:42
  If they're listening, they know who they are.
• 36:45
  And one of the girls was on that Up Whatever app.
• 36:51
  And she's like, honestly, the people that I'm finding on there are not any better.
• 36:56
  They're more inappropriate and there's more scammers on there.
• 36:59
  There are a lot of scammers on those.
• 37:01
  They're known for it.
• 37:02
  Because you're praying on the people who want to pray.
• 37:09
  I think it's because the assumption at least is these people are desperate to get married.
• 37:17
  As opposed to maybe-
• 37:19
  Or they're just desperate.
• 37:21
  Or maybe another app that's not geared toward Christians would be more like dates, hookups,
• 37:28
  whatever it is.
• 37:29
  So they're not necessarily looking for long term marriage.
• 37:34
  I think we could do a whole other episode on that, the dating culture of the Christian
• 37:42
  community and how personally I believe it's super toxic.
• 37:47
  Well I think particularly for someone like either of us, where we have very strong feminist
• 37:55
  opinions, stereotypically, I think, I think, I've not been on the Christian dating apps,
• 38:05
  okay?
• 38:06
  But-
• 38:07
  Neither have I.
• 38:08
  But stereotypically, and you've said you tend to avoid profiles that talk about their faith
• 38:15
  because of this, because they tend to be more misogynistic.
• 38:20
  They want, and they will be very vocal about wanting that trad wife type woman.
• 38:27
  And I don't know if you all have noticed this, but neither of us is that.
• 38:32
  I like that we look at the computer like, hey guys, did you know?
• 38:39
  They can see us, I swear.
• 38:42
  Someday, someday we'll film this so that you can see our faces.
• 38:46
  But very expressive.
• 38:47
  That's why I need the skincare.
• 38:50
  Brie, you'll see how elderly she looks.
• 38:53
  I do have several gray hair.
• 38:57
  But talk about avoiding those profiles and why that's been.
• 39:01
  I do.
• 39:02
  I avoid, when I do decide to jump back on the dating apps about every month or so, not
• 39:09
  every month, every other month, you scroll through the profiles and there's like prompts
• 39:13
  on get to know this person, and every time I see someone who mentions I'm at church every
• 39:24
  Sunday and football and dinner, and it's just every time those people that I talk to are
• 39:31
  the worst.
• 39:33
  And more often than not, they're very inappropriate too.
• 39:37
  And I don't necessarily have a reason of why that is, but just from experience, it's not
• 39:44
  good.
• 39:45
  To choke there briefly.
• 39:48
  It's not good.
• 39:49
  It's not good for me.
• 39:52
  It's hard.
• 39:53
  And like again, I feel like I'm just on these apps because of this societal pressure or
• 40:00
  that's why I'm not very good at them, maybe, because I don't have a lot of motivation to
• 40:06
  stay on there.
• 40:07
  I think that one of the main things that people need to hear from this, and you can correct
• 40:11
  me if I'm wrong, but-
• 40:12
  I will.
• 40:13
  Okay.
• 40:14
  Is that not just you, but single people in general are not on a perpetual hunt for a
• 40:21
  partner.
• 40:24
  Some of them might be, but not all of them are.
• 40:27
  And you, as Brianna, as a single person, are content and that's okay.
• 40:35
  I'm a really great time.
• 40:37
  I'm good company sometimes, but I think we should be really encouraging the people in
• 40:46
  our lives, especially the women, to find their contentment in God.
• 40:51
  So rather than the first question you ask me after not seeing me for a while being like,
• 40:57
  have you found anyone yet?
• 40:58
  Are you dating?
• 41:00
  Are you in want of a husband?
• 41:03
  Maybe ask me something different.
• 41:05
  Maybe ask me- and I am trying to be very gentle and kind because I appreciate that people
• 41:12
  care about me and want to see me happy.
• 41:17
  But maybe my happiness doesn't lie just in another person.
• 41:22
  Maybe ask me, how's my relationship with God going?
• 41:25
  Or have you had any luck in church lately?
• 41:27
  It just feels really isolating.
• 41:30
  I hope that through this podcast we're able to make someone feel a little less alone,
• 41:37
  a little more heard, a little more understood.
• 41:40
  I remember my friend got married and I was one of her bridesmaids and all of the other
• 41:49
  bridesmaids that I was standing up with, she was announcing us and being like, oh, and
• 41:53
  this person's been married to this person and this person's married with this person.
• 41:57
  She said, Embry is just rocking out her best single life and she had no judgment, nothing
• 42:04
  about it.
• 42:05
  She was happy and proud of me for being single.
• 42:09
  And that was so- because I was so anxious about it when she was saying that.
• 42:12
  I was like, bleh!
• 42:13
  Yeah, I felt anxious when you started saying that.
• 42:16
  I know.
• 42:17
  But no judgment.
• 42:19
  No, like, oh, she should be with someone.
• 42:22
  No, she's living her best single life.
• 42:25
  I'm picturing that same scenario happening at the countless other weddings we've been
• 42:30
  in and at.
• 42:31
  And I imagine if that happened at those other weddings, them saying something like, and
• 42:36
  she's single, boys!
• 42:37
  She's on the market!
• 42:40
  And that's something that I would do to myself and I have done to myself just to break the
• 42:45
  tension of it.
• 42:47
  But that's the issue is that there is tension.
• 42:50
  Why is there tension to begin with?
• 42:53
  Because single is a dirty word in the Christian community.
• 42:56
  And there's always this deep breath when people mention being single.
• 43:04
  I think one of the hard things to- and I'll probably talk about this a little bit more
• 43:09
  in the episode where we talk about being married in the church.
• 43:13
  But again, because we have this podcast, there's this perception that strong women are intimidating
• 43:20
  to men.
• 43:23
  Now I know that's not true of every man and I hope it's not true of most.
• 43:27
  I don't know.
• 43:28
  I've been told that before.
• 43:30
  Well, you're just really intimidating.
• 43:32
  Like, it's a bad thing.
• 43:33
  I've been told I'm too much.
• 43:35
  Yeah.
• 43:36
  You're not too much.
• 43:37
  You're not intimidating.
• 43:39
  You are who you are.
• 43:40
  And if someone can't deal with that, then they are not worth having in your life.
• 43:45
  Oh, I love that.
• 43:47
  Sing it to the people.
• 43:48
  A bad marriage is not better than being single.
• 43:53
  I have seen so many instances of this.
• 43:57
  A bad marriage is not better than being single and finding contentment in yourself and God.
• 44:06
  Because God cares about you as an individual more than your marriage.
• 44:12
  Right.
• 44:14
  Really let that sink in, ladies and germs.
• 44:17
  God made you special.
• 44:18
  Stop it.
• 44:19
  We can't.
• 44:20
  People are going to start calling us Bob and Larry.
• 44:23
  What are the girls in Veggie Tales?
• 44:27
  You want to be Bob or Larry?
• 44:29
  I want to be Bob.
• 44:31
  Okay, you can be Bob.
• 44:33
  And you can be Barbara Manatee.
• 44:36
  All right, I'll be a manatee.
• 44:42
  That feels reasonable to me.
• 44:43
  I've always said that about you.
• 44:44
  Okay, guys, so next week we are talking about the woman at the well.
• 44:51
  We're talking about the woman at the well.
• 44:52
  We already recorded that, you idiot.
• 44:54
  We didn't record that already.
• 44:55
  But that'll be coming out next week.
• 44:58
  I think we've kind of...
• 44:59
  Next week is supposed to be a mini episode, but here's the deal, guys.
• 45:02
  We've given up.
• 45:03
  We've given up.
• 45:04
  We're recording as long as we feel like.
• 45:06
  I will do my best to not post episodes that are over an hour by that much because I don't
• 45:12
  think you want to listen to us for that long.
• 45:13
  We're all goldfish out here just floating.
• 45:17
  So I'll do my best with that.
• 45:18
  But other than that, we're just recording till we're done talking.
• 45:23
  That's how it's going to go.
• 45:24
  And in this case, I feel like I've said enough.
• 45:25
  All right, so every week we are asking you guys to share this with someone in a specific
• 45:31
  country.
• 45:32
  I have it.
• 45:33
  All right, what's the specific country?
• 45:34
  Does anybody know the Australian breakdancer?
• 45:37
  And can you share this podcast with them?
• 45:39
  Or does anybody know anybody in Australia in general?
• 45:42
  Have you seen the Australian breakdancer?
• 45:44
  Actually, yes, Nathan showed it to me last night.
• 45:46
  It was hilarious.
• 45:47
  Did you know she got zero points?
• 45:50
  Did you know they are no longer having breakdancing in the Olympics at all ever again because
• 45:55
  of that?
• 45:56
  That's probably pretty depressing, but it's also kind of funny.
• 45:59
  She was an Olympian.
• 46:00
  She made a statement.
• 46:01
  I could be an Olympian.
• 46:02
  Turns out she made a statement that was like most Olympians train their entire lives to
• 46:08
  be where I was.
• 46:09
  She was like, I trained for 36 minutes and now I'm the most famous breakdancer in the
• 46:13
  world.
• 46:14
  Oh my gosh.
• 46:17
  Why in the crap?
• 46:21
  She is my spirit animal.
• 46:24
  How insane do you have to be just to be like, I'm going to the freaking Olympics.
• 46:28
  I don't care.
• 46:29
  I'm going to do my thing in front of billions of people.
• 46:34
  I love her.
• 46:35
  I just want to know how she-
• 46:36
  I think her name's Rachel.
• 46:37
  How did she get there?
• 46:38
  Who approved this?
• 46:40
  I feel like, you know, my friend Stacey, shout out.
• 46:43
  Hey Stacey.
• 46:44
  I feel like she would do that.
• 46:46
  Oh, a hundred percent.
• 46:48
  And that is my spirit animal.
• 46:50
  Stacey?
• 46:51
  Yeah, it's just a good time.
• 46:54
  All right.
• 46:55
  All right.
• 46:56
  So in conclusion, share with the Australian breakdancer slash anybody in Australia you
• 47:00
  happen to know, or share it with anyone that you think might be interested in these kinds
• 47:04
  of topics.
• 47:05
  I would love to hear if you're single, not because I'm trying to date you.
• 47:12
  Just your experiences.
• 47:13
  If you've had any you want to share or us to share with the pod or you just want to
• 47:19
  talk, you can find us on TikTok or Instagram or Facebook, I think.
• 47:24
  Yeah.
• 47:25
  If you search the hashtag we are more on any of those, you should be able to find us.
• 47:30
  You can DM us.
• 47:31
  I'll probably send you a fun GIF.
• 47:33
  Oh, good.
• 47:35
  That's not intimidating at all.
• 47:36
  Or maybe I'll share all the TikToks I can possibly think of with you.
• 47:41
  They don't want that.
• 47:42
  Don't do that.
• 47:43
  I'll be your pen pal.
• 47:44
  Okay.
• 47:45
  Goodbye.
• 47:46
  Before Bree says more scary things.
• 47:47
  I can do whatever I want.
• 47:48
  Goodbye.
• 47:49
  Love you.
• 47:50
  I will always love you.