Latest / LIVING WITHOUT FEAR / 156. Living Without Fear - Your Money Beliefs Aren't Yours — Here's Where They Really Come From | With Esther Buerki

Transcript

156. Living Without Fear - Your Money Beliefs Aren't Yours — Here's Where They Really Come From | With Esther Buerki · LIVING WITHOUT FEAR

• 0:00
  What if the story you're telling yourself about money was never
• 0:04
  even yours to begin with? What if everything you believe
• 0:10
  about money, about what you deserve, about whether you are
• 0:16
  allowed to have more? What if none of it was actually
• 0:21
  yours? What if it was your mother's
• 0:26
  voice, your father's fear? A family story passed down so
• 0:32
  quietly, so naturally that you never even noticed you picked it
• 0:39
  up. Welcome.
• 0:43
  I'm Esther, your host, calling in from Switzerland.
• 0:47
  And today we're going somewhere real, somewhere tender,
• 0:53
  Somewhere most people never dare to look.
• 0:57
  We're talking about money, but we are really talking about the
• 1:02
  worth. And those two things, they are
• 1:07
  not the same, but for so many of us, they have become painfully
• 1:13
  tangled. Let's untangle them together. 2
• 1:20
  days ago I sat in a seminar about money and I came home
• 1:26
  shaken. Not in a bad way, in that deep
• 1:31
  quiet way where you realize, oh, something just shifted because I
• 1:40
  walked in expecting to learn something new.
• 1:46
  What I found instead was a mirror.
• 1:50
  And in that mirror, I saw how far I had come, but I also saw
• 1:58
  the layers that are still waiting for me.
• 2:03
  And that's the thing about growth, isn't it?
• 2:07
  It's not a destination. It's a direction.
• 2:12
  There's always a next level, as my mentor Tony Robbins says.
• 2:19
  But let me take you back 10 years because that's where this
• 2:25
  story really begins. 10 years ago, I started asking a question
• 2:32
  I had never dared to ask before. What do I actually believe about
• 2:39
  money? And what I found shocked me.
• 2:45
  My father and man I love deeply had a phrase he said so often,
• 2:52
  so casually, that it just became part of the air I breathed.
• 3:01
  I don't know if there is enough money.
• 3:05
  And my mother, she had a different kind of story.
• 3:10
  Hers was almost noble sounding. I don't need money.
• 3:16
  I can say poor and be happy. It sounded brave, it sounded
• 3:23
  spiritual almost, but it wasn't true.
• 3:28
  She wasn't happy, and deep down I think she knew it too.
• 3:35
  Now, I did not want to be like my parents in this.
• 3:43
  I wanted more. I wanted to feel worthy of love,
• 3:49
  worthy of money, worthy of joy, worthy of abundance.
• 3:55
  But here's what I discovered sitting in that reflection 10
• 4:01
  years ago. Wanting something different
• 4:05
  consciously and having it life differently in your body, in
• 4:12
  your beliefs, in your choices. Those are two different things.
• 4:19
  Because those parental patterns, they weren't gone just because I
• 4:26
  disagreed with them. They were still running quietly
• 4:33
  underneath everything, like an old program in the background of
• 4:39
  a computer, invisible but consuming all the energy.
• 4:46
  And then I discovered something even more confronting.
• 4:51
  I realized I had been trying to be a good daughter, not because
• 4:58
  I generally wanted to please my father, but because I was
• 5:04
  afraid. Afraid he would disinherit me.
• 5:11
  I was shocked by that thought, really shocked, because I have
• 5:18
  thought of myself as someone who didn't care about those things
• 5:24
  and yet there it was, the fear of not being enough dressed up
• 5:32
  in the clothes of love. So I decided to do something
• 5:39
  about it. Not all at once, not
• 5:44
  dramatically, but step by step, day by day, I started building a
• 5:52
  book, then another. A podcast.
• 5:57
  Deeper, more honest relationships with my sons, with
• 6:02
  my parents. A life full of things that make
• 6:08
  my heart come alive. Swimming in open water, the
• 6:14
  violin under my fingers, teaching, skiing in the
• 6:18
  mountains, helping people end their suffering.
• 6:24
  None of that existed 10 years ago.
• 6:28
  I built all of it, one choice at a time. 1 courageous, imperfect
• 6:37
  step at the time. And when I sat in that seminar 2
• 6:43
  days ago and I looked back, I finally let myself see it.
• 6:50
  The wealth I have created, not just in euros or Swiss francs,
• 6:57
  but in relationships, in meaning, in the kind of inner
• 7:03
  richness that nobody can take from, from you. 10 years ago, I
• 7:11
  didn't have a good relationship with my sons. 10 years ago, my
• 7:17
  relationship with my parents wasn't OK. 10 years ago, the
• 7:23
  books didn't exist, this podcast didn't exist.
• 7:29
  This version of me more authentic, more at peace, more
• 7:34
  free. She didn't exist yet either, but
• 7:40
  she was always possible. And that's what I want you to
• 7:45
  hear today. Wealth is not only what you
• 7:51
  find, it is also what you build. And you are already building,
• 7:59
  even when it doesn't feel that way.
• 8:04
  And my relationship with rich people, That changed too.
• 8:11
  I used to be afraid of them, generally afraid.
• 8:17
  I had absorbed directly from my parents this quiet belief that
• 8:25
  wealthy people were dangerous, cold, something to distrust.
• 8:32
  I never even questioned it. It was just there, a silent
• 8:40
  verdict. But slowly, as I began to see my
• 8:45
  own worth differently, I began to see wealth differently too.
• 8:52
  I started asking, what if abundance is not a threat?
• 8:59
  What if there is enough for all of us?
• 9:04
  What if someone else's success is not proof of my lack?
• 9:11
  That shift? It changed everything.
• 9:16
  Not in a day, but over 1000 small moments of choosing
• 9:22
  differently. So when I sat in that seminar 2
• 9:28
  days ago and I looked back at the person I used to be, I felt
• 9:35
  something I don't take for granted.
• 9:39
  Gratitude. Deep, quiet, overwhelming
• 9:44
  gratitude. Because I'm not the same person
• 9:50
  I was 10 years ago. I have changed my ideas about
• 9:55
  the wealth. I have changed my ideas about
• 9:59
  what I deserve. I have moved from people
• 10:04
  pleasing to something far more honest, to authenticity. 1
• 10:12
  perfect step at a time. And yes, there are still layers.
• 10:20
  I saw that clearly in the seminar.
• 10:23
  There are still places inside me where the old boys whispers.
• 10:31
  There are still moments where I question whether I am allowed to
• 10:37
  want more. But I am no longer afraid of
• 10:42
  those layers because I know how to work with them, and I know
• 10:49
  that the work is never really done.
• 10:52
  And that's not a burden. That's the adventure.
• 10:58
  Now I want to speak directly to you, wherever you are right now,
• 11:06
  whether you're just beginning to ask these questions or you've
• 11:11
  been on this path for years, I want you to hear this.
• 11:18
  It is never too late. It is never too late to look at
• 11:24
  what you believe, to question where that belief came from, to
• 11:31
  ask is this mine or did I simply inherit it?
• 11:39
  And you don't have to overhaul your whole life to begin.
• 11:46
  You just need one small step. Maybe it's getting up 15 minutes
• 11:53
  earlier to sit in silence and feel the sun on your face.
• 11:59
  Maybe it's starting a gratitude practice, Not the first cheerful
• 12:05
  list, but a real 1, three things every morning that you generally
• 12:13
  see. Maybe it's pausing before you
• 12:17
  say I can't afford that, and asking instead, how could I make
• 12:25
  this possible? Maybe it's catching yourself
• 12:30
  when you speak badly about money, about rich people, about
• 12:36
  what you deserve, and choosing a kinder, more open thought.
• 12:43
  Maybe it's simply deciding to walk outside today, breathe and
• 12:50
  remember life is already giving you so much.
• 12:57
  Small steps are not small, they are the whole journey.
• 13:04
  Every great transformation is built out of ordinary moments
• 13:10
  where someone choose differently.
• 13:14
  That someone can be you. Starting today, I want to leave
• 13:20
  you with a little practice. It takes 5 minutes and it might
• 13:26
  just open a door, find a quiet moment.
• 13:32
  Morning works beautifully and grab a journal or just a piece
• 13:38
  of paper right at the top. The wealth I already have.
• 13:46
  And then don't think about bank accounts.
• 13:50
  Think wider. What relationships make you feel
• 13:55
  rich? What moments in your day feel
• 13:59
  like luxury, even if they cost nothing?
• 14:04
  What abilities do you have that others would love?
• 14:11
  What have you already overcome that once felt impossible?
• 14:18
  Write it all down. Fill the page, then at the
• 14:23
  bottom write one sentence. I am open to receiving even
• 14:31
  more. Say it out loud.
• 14:36
  Let it land, because here's what I know to be true.
• 14:43
  You cannot attract what you do not believe you deserve.
• 14:50
  But the moment you begin to see your verse, really see it, not
• 14:57
  perform it, the world begins to respond.
• 15:04
  I am so grateful you're here. I'm so grateful that you're
• 15:11
  asking these questions because the fact that you're here,
• 15:16
  listening, seeking, willing already tells me something about
• 15:22
  you, who you are. You are someone who wants to
• 15:28
  grow, and that that is everything.
• 15:34
  There are always new layers to discover, and every layer you
• 15:41
  peel back brings you closer to the truest, freest, most alive
• 15:49
  version of yourself. Keep going, I'll be right here
• 15:55
  with you. And if today's episode touched
• 16:00
  something in you, if it's steered a question or a
• 16:05
  recognition or even a little bit of hope, I would love to
• 16:12
  continue this conversation with you personally.
• 16:17
  I offer a free coaching session, just you and me, one-on-one.
• 16:24
  No scripts, no pressure, just a real conversation about where
• 16:30
  you are, where you want to go, and what might be in the way.
• 16:38
  You'll find the link to book your free sessions in the show
• 16:42
  notes. I believe in you, I really do.
• 16:48
  Until next time, take care of yourself, take care of your
• 16:53
  heart. You deserve that more than you
• 16:58
  know. And I'll talk to you next week.