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Is Your Daughter a Leader? 10 Qualities Parents Should Notice · Raising Daughters

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  Speaker 1: Hello friends dot you. Tim Jordan back here and I've
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  Speaker 1: got a brand new topic today, and it's one that
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  Speaker 1: I think is going to interest every parent listening because
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to answer the question is my daughter a leader?
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  Speaker 1: And the reason I'm using this topic is a podcast
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  Speaker 1: is because I see a lot of parents who asked
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  Speaker 1: me that question, is my daughter a leader? And also
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  Speaker 1: because in this culture, we have a very narrow definition
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  Speaker 1: of leadership and courage, and I think because of that,
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  Speaker 1: many of your daughters are being overlooked as being leaders,
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  Speaker 1: which is which is a huge disservice to them. Have
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  Speaker 1: you ever wondered if your daughter is a leader? Because
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  Speaker 1: in this culture, what we value is when it comes
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  Speaker 1: to things like leaders and heroes is people like soldiers,
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  Speaker 1: first responders, professional athletes. The leaders who get the most
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  Speaker 1: noticed at school are the student council officers, team captains,
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  Speaker 1: queen bees, and pretty popular girls. Those are the ones
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  Speaker 1: who probably get we would stand out as these are
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  Speaker 1: the ones who are probably leaders in the class. And
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  Speaker 1: yet there are so many girls, most girls who do
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  Speaker 1: not fit in those categories and who get overlooked. And
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  Speaker 1: I bet some of the daughters of some of the
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  Speaker 1: parents listening to this podcast would say that my daughter's
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  Speaker 1: being overlooked. I work with girls in so many different
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  Speaker 1: places in my counseling practice, at schools and classrooms, in
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  Speaker 1: my weekend retreats, my summer camps. I've been doing it
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  Speaker 1: for a long time, and I've learned over that time
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  Speaker 1: is that there are many girls who have a lot
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  Speaker 1: of courage, a lot of leadership skills, who don't get
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  Speaker 1: recognized for that. In our culture, the traditional male qualities
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  Speaker 1: of leadership are things like being dominant, strong, arrogant, analytical, proud, ambitious, hardworking,
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  Speaker 1: self reliant, aggressive, brave, competitive, stubborn, driven, very direct and independent, unapproachable, innovative.
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  Speaker 1: The feminine qualities of leadership are things more like being trustworthy, dedicated, reasonable, adaptable,
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  Speaker 1: community oriented, creative, intuitive, passionate, kind, supportive, open to new ideas, generous, humble, loyal, cooperative, selfless,
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  Speaker 1: socially responsible, empathetic, understanding, patient, sensitive. Here's a book I
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  Speaker 1: read several years ago called The Athena Doctrine, which I
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  Speaker 1: would recommend to everybody listening to this podcast. The Athena Doctrine.
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  Speaker 1: They talked about these is of leadership all around the world,
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  Speaker 1: but I don't care as much today about all those
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  Speaker 1: women around the world and all those girls around the world.
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  Speaker 1: I'm most interested in the girl who's living under your roof.
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  Speaker 1: So here's some ideas about things you can look for
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  Speaker 1: in your daughter to get a sense of is my
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  Speaker 1: daughter a leader or not? Is she showing leadership qualities
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  Speaker 1: or not? Things like is my daughter empathetic that she
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  Speaker 1: had the ability to get in other people's shoes and
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  Speaker 1: see things from their point of view. That's a tremendously
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  Speaker 1: important quality for a leader. Is my daughter good at
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  Speaker 1: not lying words or gossip to bother them? It takes
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  Speaker 1: a lot of strength and maturity to stay unaffected by
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  Speaker 1: hurtful and disrespectful words. It requires somebody to rebelieve in
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  Speaker 1: themselves to stay above the drama. And there are girls
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  Speaker 1: in your homes who had the ability to do that,
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  Speaker 1: and they're not being given much accolade at school for that.
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  Speaker 1: They're probably being shunned or excluded because they're not going
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  Speaker 1: along with the people who are doing those things that
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  Speaker 1: aren't right. Does she have the ability to allow to
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  Speaker 1: not allow words, our gossip to get to them and
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  Speaker 1: going along with that? Does your daughter have the ability
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  Speaker 1: to not care what other people think. I love seeing
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  Speaker 1: girls who dress like they want, hang out with who
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  Speaker 1: they want, make decisions based upon their own internal moral
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  Speaker 1: compass instead of what's popular, what's everybody else doing. They
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  Speaker 1: may stand out as being different, they may be left out,
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  Speaker 1: excluded because they're different, and yet they're showing a tremendous
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  Speaker 1: amount of courage and strength when they do that. Do
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  Speaker 1: they have the ability to be assertive, to set good,
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  Speaker 1: healthy boundaries for themselves as opposed to having no boundaries
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  Speaker 1: and being walked all over or on the other end
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  Speaker 1: of the spectrum, being too aggressive. I think the ones
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  Speaker 1: who are really aggressive are the ones who get the
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  Speaker 1: most noticed. But girls who are assertive, who can speak
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  Speaker 1: their minds and speak their truth, especially against things that
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  Speaker 1: go against the grain, That's a tremendously powerful way of
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  Speaker 1: being a leader, being able to be assertive and to
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  Speaker 1: take care of yourself. Do they have the ability? Does
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  Speaker 1: your daughter had the ability to take risks? Are they
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  Speaker 1: willing to take risks to get out of their comfort
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  Speaker 1: zone and stretch themselves? Take risks as the markup of
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  Speaker 1: courageous people trying new things, even if those things aren't popular.
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  Speaker 1: If they're different, or weird, but getting out of their
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  Speaker 1: comfort zone, stretching themselves, trying new friends in different groups,
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  Speaker 1: trying a new activity, trying a new sport, trying a
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  Speaker 1: new activity, in any way any way that they're taking
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  Speaker 1: a risk to put themselves out there. That shows a
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  Speaker 1: tremendous amount of courage and strength and leadership. Here's a
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  Speaker 1: big one. Do you notice that your daughters are able
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  Speaker 1: to and have stood up for themselves and other people?
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  Speaker 1: Girls who notice other people who include other people who
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  Speaker 1: stand up for their peers, especially peers who might be
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  Speaker 1: being bullied, their peers who are alone outcast, if you will,
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  Speaker 1: Does your daughter have a history of doing that? Do
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  Speaker 1: they befriend those girls? They stand up for them when
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  Speaker 1: the other girls are teasing them, ridiculing them, being mean
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  Speaker 1: to them, leaving them out all that? Does she take
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  Speaker 1: some of those girls under our boys under their wing?
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  Speaker 1: Does she notice them, include them and make them feel special?
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  Speaker 1: And when need be? Does your daughter speak her mind?
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  Speaker 1: Does she speak out and share her opinions even when
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  Speaker 1: they're not popular. Because if they can do that, they're
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  Speaker 1: demonstrating great heroism and leadership. Can they advocate for themselves
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  Speaker 1: and other people, speaking out asking for what they need,
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  Speaker 1: setting boundaries. That's such an important quality for anybody to
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  Speaker 1: be healthy, the ability to take care of yourself in
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  Speaker 1: that way. And oftentimes, or at least sometimes, I know
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  Speaker 1: those girls at first can be a little bit too
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  Speaker 1: assertive or a little bit quote unquote too aggressive and
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  Speaker 1: doing that sometimes you have to find that middle zone
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  Speaker 1: a few well, where they're being powerful, but they're not
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  Speaker 1: blowing people away, and it takes practice. These last couple
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  Speaker 1: of mentioned I think are really important. These are things
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  Speaker 1: I love to see in the girls that come to
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  Speaker 1: my weekend retreats in my summer camps. Does your daughter
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  Speaker 1: have the ability to make everybody successful? I love seeing strong,
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  Speaker 1: powerful girls who focus on making their classmates and their
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  Speaker 1: teammates successful. We do lots of games and exercises or
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  Speaker 1: retreats where we'll have an activity where we don't give
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  Speaker 1: much instruction at first, like, for instance, there's one where
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  Speaker 1: there's a little wastecan like a waste basket, and we
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  Speaker 1: give each group of about four or five girls three
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  Speaker 1: tennis balls and we tell them the opportunity who can
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  Speaker 1: make the most free throws in thirty seconds and then
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  Speaker 1: that's all we say, and so there's usually like four
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  Speaker 1: or five groups of about five girls, and so they
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  Speaker 1: say ray secho, and so the girls start to you know,
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  Speaker 1: one girl will will start, and she'll start, she'll throw
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  Speaker 1: her three balls and the balls are bouncing everywhere. It's
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  Speaker 1: kind of chaotic, and a lot of times a lot
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  Speaker 1: of the girls just stand around and watch because it's
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  Speaker 1: not their turn. I notice when there are some girls
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  Speaker 1: who do help out. Those girls we didn't tell them to,
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  Speaker 1: but they just kind of do it anyway. Once they've
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  Speaker 1: all had their turn, we'll say who made the most
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  Speaker 1: free throws in thirty seconds? And someone may have gotten
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  Speaker 1: five or three or eight wherever, it doesn't matter. And
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  Speaker 1: we asked them how do it feel to do it
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  Speaker 1: that way? And most of them are kind of indifferent,
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  Speaker 1: like it was okay whatever. Let me say, we're gonna
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  Speaker 1: do it again, same rules, with three balls and the
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  Speaker 1: same distance to the basket, and you have thirty seconds each.
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  Speaker 1: But the intention this time is not to see who
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  Speaker 1: can make the most free throws. The intention is to
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  Speaker 1: make everybody in your team successful. Once your turn to shoot,
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  Speaker 1: then do your very best. But what's even more important
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  Speaker 1: than your individual score is your group score. And the
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  Speaker 1: first time we add up all the all the baskets,
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  Speaker 1: maybe the group got I'll just make up a number
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  Speaker 1: they may have gotten, like twenty, and we'll say, if
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  Speaker 1: you work together and really support each other and that
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  Speaker 1: was your intention, how many do you think you could
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  Speaker 1: make this time? Then they'll set a new goal, like
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  Speaker 1: they'll say, I think we could make thirty thirty five,
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  Speaker 1: And then we say, take take three minutes to brainstorm
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  Speaker 1: how could we support each other in this game. So
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  Speaker 1: when they usually end up doing is they have people
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  Speaker 1: kneeling by the basket as rebounders. There's someone standing by
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  Speaker 1: their shooter just to hand them balls. If the balls
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  Speaker 1: bounce a way off, there somebody who chases them down.
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  Speaker 1: And so they have a little system and we say ready,
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  Speaker 1: set go, And then it's amazing to shift and energy
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  Speaker 1: in the room. They're cheering each other on, they're laughing,
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  Speaker 1: they're having fun. And then when all the all the
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  Speaker 1: people have had their turns, we give them that together
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  Speaker 1: and they give me their their scores for each group.
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  Speaker 1: I don't tell the other groups I had them up.
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  Speaker 1: And then I'll say, first, how did it feel that
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  Speaker 1: time to do it that way? In a more cooperative
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  Speaker 1: way where you really were invested in your teammates being successful,
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  Speaker 1: and they all say it was more fun. They if
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  Speaker 1: they're happier, it just felt much better. And then they
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  Speaker 1: all always blow their score away. They may have said,
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  Speaker 1: I think we're gonna get thirty, and they get like
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  Speaker 1: sixty or fifty something, and then they scream and the
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  Speaker 1: yell and they're so excited. But it's more than just
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  Speaker 1: about the school. It's about how do we get there
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  Speaker 1: the process, how do we support each other? And I
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  Speaker 1: love my sea girls who do that just intuitively. They
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  Speaker 1: always have their what we call arrows out, their interest out,
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  Speaker 1: making sure everybody around them is included being successful. It's
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  Speaker 1: a huge the important quality of leadership. I wonder if
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  Speaker 1: some of your daughters have that quality or are exhibiting
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  Speaker 1: that quality. And last, but not least, does your daughter
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  Speaker 1: have the leadership quality of bringing groups together. I think
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  Speaker 1: too much attention, especially for girls in schools, is given
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  Speaker 1: to the queen bees, the kids who create a lot
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  Speaker 1: of drama, and a lot of times the kids who
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  Speaker 1: kind of divide people, who leave people out. They create
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  Speaker 1: kind of groups who are kind of rivals with each other.
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  Speaker 1: They're using their power in where I think are negative
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  Speaker 1: and divisive ways, and I would rather start noticing the
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  Speaker 1: girls in the class who are kind to everybody, who
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  Speaker 1: are inclusive, who are collaborative, who bring the class, are
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  Speaker 1: their team together by their energy, by their example, and
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  Speaker 1: by their leadership. I really want you to start noticing
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  Speaker 1: if you see your daughters exhibiting that quality of leadership.
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  Speaker 1: Across age, gender, and culture. People all around the world
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  Speaker 1: felt that feminine traits of leadership correlate much more strongly
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  Speaker 1: with making the world a better place. And there's a
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  Speaker 1: lot of research that was put in that book, the
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  Speaker 1: Athena Doctrine, that showed all over the world that people
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  Speaker 1: agree that those are the qualities that they want in
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  Speaker 1: their leaders So our challenge as parents of daughters is
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  Speaker 1: to find ways to encourage those traits in those girls,
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  Speaker 1: to acknowledge them when we see those qualities exhibited, because
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  Speaker 1: a lot of times we don't notice those as much
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  Speaker 1: because they're less flashy or notable, So we need to
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  Speaker 1: be mindful of that they might be quieter ways that
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  Speaker 1: your daughter is exhibiting the leadership by including people, being
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  Speaker 1: kind to kids who are left out, et cetera. All
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  Speaker 1: those qualities as I just mentioned a moment ago. So
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  Speaker 1: I am challenging you to look for times when your
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  Speaker 1: daughter exhibits those qualities and let them know that. I
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  Speaker 1: know how you are so amazingly aware of everybody around you.
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  Speaker 1: I know that you notice if someone is being left
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  Speaker 1: out that you include them. I know that you set
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  Speaker 1: boundaries for yourself, you take care of yourself with your friends.
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  Speaker 1: I love how you can dress the way you want
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  Speaker 1: and you don't care what other people think you dress
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  Speaker 1: because you like it. You're not so worried about is
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  Speaker 1: everybody else wearing the same thing. I love it. And
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  Speaker 1: you take risks and try new things. Amazing takes a
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  Speaker 1: lot of courage to do that. Stand up for yourself
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  Speaker 1: and other people speaking in your mind. Notice sos and
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  Speaker 1: your daughters, and you'll get more of it. The things
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  Speaker 1: we notice more, we tend to get bigger, and we
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  Speaker 1: tend to and that tends to happen more. Noticeos, acknowledge
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  Speaker 1: them for that, and you'll see more of those qualities
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  Speaker 1: emerging in your daughters. So those are the things you
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  Speaker 1: can look for in your daughter's behavior with just who
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  Speaker 1: she is. And I think a lot of you if
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  Speaker 1: you start looking for these sorts of things. I think
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  Speaker 1: you'll notice that there are a lot of your daughters
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  Speaker 1: who have leadership qualities and leadership potential that just needs
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  Speaker 1: to be nurtured and they just need to grow into it,
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  Speaker 1: if you will, I have some other podcasts from the
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  Speaker 1: past I'm going to include in my show Notes, so
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  Speaker 1: make sure you go to my website check out the
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  Speaker 1: show Notes podcast about this topic. So go to my
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  Speaker 1: website at www dot Dr tim Jordan dot com. I
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  Speaker 1: also have my show notes there which will have some
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  Speaker 1: other links that are important, also links to all the
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  Speaker 1: things that I do. I've written seven books. I've got
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  Speaker 1: three hundred now let me see three and eighty three
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  Speaker 1: and eighty podcasts that I've done. Also, we have weekend
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  Speaker 1: retreats in summer camps coming up, talks I give out
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  Speaker 1: in the community. So look for those kinds of resources
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  Speaker 1: which I think might be helpful to you. If you
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  Speaker 1: ever have questions, comments, just email me at Dr Tim
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  Speaker 1: Jordan dot com. I would appreciate that. I appreciate you
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  Speaker 1: listening in every week and sharing these podcasts with your friends.
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  Speaker 1: I'll be back here in a week with a brand
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  Speaker 1: new podcast, with a brand new topic take care and
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  Speaker 1: starting thosing those qualities of leadership in your daughters. B.